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576 thoughts on “What To Do If You Get The Dreaded No Response After No Contact”

  1. Leah

    October 2, 2015 at 11:57 pm

    Hi Chris, so I’m just up at the 30 days for no contact and I don’t know what to say to him at all! I’ve read everything you have to say about trying to make it interesting but can’t seem to come up with something that I feel will make him answer me. Do you have any other suggestions that you think may work the best when formulating a text??

    1. Chris Seiter

      October 6, 2015 at 4:14 am

      What have you come up with so far?

      Also that’s kind of why I wrote the texting bible…

  2. Khaleesi

    October 2, 2015 at 9:32 pm

    Alright, here is one for you. So I did no contact, I have been working on myself, I reached out to him and got a neutral response hours later. I then reached out again, a few days later because I had run into him. I told him I would’ve said hi but did not want to leave my friends that I was with and asked him how school was going. He said he was surprised I would want to say hi. Well to make it short I asked why that was, and he said because of me blocking him out of my life completely (the no contact rule) and something about hearing from mutual friends that I called him names…I did not really answer why but said I knew and I was emotional at the time of calling him names and did not actually mean it. A few days later I wish him luck on his upcoming exam he had told me about, which then he responds with this long text saying that he was not mad, be was confused as to what I wanted ( I had told him when we broke up that I didn’t want to be his friend ). He said that if I want to be friends or acquaintances I need to let him know, which neither of those is what I really want. I have read almost all of your articles, and nothing has seemed to come close to this. Please let me know what steps to take. I don’t know if I should try talking to him about the relationship or trying to be his friend or just telling him no I don’t want either but want to just act civil when we have to see each other or what? I truly would appreciate the help!

    1. Lissy

      October 14, 2015 at 3:12 am

      So don’t meet up yet?

      Also I sent him a text like “do you remember what the place was that we went for my birthday” and he just named the place and i just thanked him and told him to have a goodnight. I’m throughly confused.

      Should I give it a week to see if he says anything? Or should I try another “‘memory” text in a week?

    2. Lissy

      October 13, 2015 at 3:41 pm

      Honestly barely. It was either we hung out in person or texted or skyped (which I would’ve liked more phone calls honestly, but he didn’t seem to like phone calls, so if we do get back together maybe just starting phone calls)… The few times he did call it was usually because we were getting upset over text. We have yet to meet up, so there is still a chance to take a different approach. I feel like I skipped some of the steps (like the remember when text, etc.) because it went from no contact, to first contact to him being saying I needed to tell him if I wanted to be friends and meeting up to talk about it… does skipping those steps hurt my chance or is that a positive thing?

    3. Chris Seiter

      October 14, 2015 at 1:10 am

      Hmm… I suppose you will have to change your strategy to try to swap out phone calls with skype or something.

    4. Lissy

      October 11, 2015 at 10:52 pm

      Well he slept through his alarm, didn’t show up and texted me apologizing saying he wanted to meet later, and I said I was busy, so we are setting up another time… Any advice?

    5. Lissy

      October 11, 2015 at 3:39 pm

      No, he isn’t big on phone calls, so I thought meeting up would be a better option. I’m meeting him today, I’ll keep it short, and not talk about the past relationship. I’m still unsure if I should tell him I’m willing to be friends, or just not bring it up unless he does. But I feel confident, a little nervous, but confident.

    6. Chris Seiter

      October 13, 2015 at 12:07 am

      How often did the two of you talk on the phone during your relationship?

    7. Lissy

      October 6, 2015 at 4:14 pm

      I knew you would appreciate that 🙂
      They are definitely not locked in a dungeon ?

      So the first contact I made, I sent him a really funny game of thrones meme (a white walker in a Hawaiian shirt, “winter is coming break out the Hawaiian shirt”), saying how it reminded me of him (we watched it together and he also loved to joked about wearing Hawaiian shirts to parties and public places). He responded almost 10 hours later with a haha nice, sorry is responded late, busy day. I ended the conversation with no worries, just thought you would like that, I’m out with friends, have a goodnight.

      After the run in, 3 days later, I messaged him saying I wanted to say hi, but I was with my friends and didn’t want to be rude and asked him how school was going. He responded with I’m surprised you would want to say hi. But school is going well, I have an exam coming up, that’s why I responded late. I then asked why he was suprised and ask what class it was and told him he would do well on it. He told me he was suprised because of how I acted after the breakup, mostly blocking him on Fb, talking to mutual friends when I was emotional (calling him a name, that somehow got back to him), not talking to him and acting like I didn’t want any association with him. I responded, I know what I did and most of it was when I was emotional and not thinking clearly and that I didn’t really mean the name I had called him, and told him I had to get sleep, but wished him luck studying. He said goodnight. The end of the week was his test, so I messaged him good luck, he responded with thanks, I appreciate it, sorry if I came off mad, I’m not, I’m just confused. You said you didn’t want to be friends (when he broke up with me) so I don’t know what you want. If you want to be friends you need to tell me. I told him I was confused as well (he had told me he wanted the relationship but can’t, that was his reasoning) with how things happened, and told him this is something I’d rather not text about. He said that’s fine. A few days later, ran into him again but he avoided looking at me and when I went to say hi, he went over and talked to other people. Then today, texted me asking when and where I wanted to talk.

      Idk if I should meet to talk, and what to talk about, seeing he wants to be friends…and I want him back.

    8. Chris Seiter

      October 11, 2015 at 7:13 am

      Have you talked via phone calls yet?

    9. Chris Seiter

      October 6, 2015 at 4:17 am


      Where are your dragons?

      Can you be more specific with the exact texts and responses you sent/got?

  3. nana

    October 2, 2015 at 9:07 pm

    So I knew this guy for a year him being 34 and im 27. After dating for three month we got engaged everything was fine and we talked about having a future together and having kids and everything. Then out of the blue he called me to tell me that he wasn’t sure of his feelings towards me and said it was my descion whether i wanted to continue or not but he is not ready for any serious step right now ( though 2 days ago before that he got me a present and told me how much he loved me) . Thats when I told him if thats how he feels then he can call my parents and tell them that our engagment is off as we come from traditional family. And so he called my dad to end it on that same day. He blocked me on facebook the day where we officially broke it off and we hadnt had any type of contact for 3 whole weeks. Do you thin that after some time has passed he might regret his descion and miss me?

  4. Jess

    October 2, 2015 at 7:03 pm

    Hey Chris, I posted this under the deadly sins section but maybe it’s better to get a reply here under your new topic…

    I have committed many many sins since my ex and I broke up. Huge text ngat, showed up at his house to try and talk several times, begged, told him I loved him, etc, etc. I do love him. I want to get him back, He has resisted my attempts however he has almost come around a few times. He get’s really angry when i show up at his house and says things like it’s over, there is no chance, at first… but he will calm down and he always says one or two things that make me think there is…. like I do like you but i hate when you do this, and i already regret this (when i was leaving and said you are going to regret this), and he will sometimes kiss me, always hugs me….sometimes i feel like when i leave he wants to give it another change but he is the ultimate stubborn guy (which he admitted). This has been going on for 5 1/2 months. And when we first met, i think he did see me as the ungettable girl, but since have been needy and gnatty….the last time i saw him was Labour Day weekend (when i showed up) … he has not spoken to me since… I have been a text gnat since… he always does this, silence for a few weeks when he’s mad – i know this sounds ridiculous and childish, on both parts…but I know for me it’s because i love him and i feel like he deep down he has feelings for me and is conflicted (he is going through a really hard time)… I really want this man back, I just don’t know if no contact after this long will work ? I did try it once throughout this, got to day 27 and texted that i missed him. He texted me back the next day but then, I immediately went into let’s work this out, and then he went silent again…. do you think I still have a shot at all or should I just give up? I don’t know how to get through to him….we broke up over a few silly not important arguments… I don’t know if he is making excuses at this point or if there is still a chance….. HELP
    Also when I left on Labour Day, I said goodbye then, take care, and he got mad and said why do you always have to say things like that and leave things negative…. I flat out asked him if it was over and he said -I’m not talking about this right now” and when I told him why I was upset with him during the relationship, it was like he was trying to tell me that he wanted the same things I did it was just bad timing…he also is using how much he is working as an excuse (54 hour weeks/ 6 days a week) and when i went to leave he also said, i won’t be working these hours forever – soooooooo confused 🙁 – Do you think I still have chance and if you do, what should my gameplan be, will no contact be effective at this point? Part of me thinks yes because I haven’t really given him a chance to really miss me and really think he’s lost me…I have read all of your articles over and over… I need you Chris!!!

    1. Sandra

      October 7, 2015 at 6:04 pm

      First of all, Chris’ E-books will tell you everything you need to know , if it’s too late or if you should give up. But most important he will explain why it doesn’t have to be impossible to get someone back.

      Now, I want you to think about you, not him. What’s your life goals, dreams or interests? Can you achieve those goals and dreams and interests without him? The answer is yes you can, altough you can’t imagine it right now. This is an important acceptance because the post-relationship you had is GONE FOREVER. Don’t get your hopes down, you can always create a new, better, relationship with your now-so-called-ex.

      Next thing I want you to do is to go full no contact for atleast 30 days. It’s important not to break it this time.

      Now ask yourself: should I do NC for me or for him? You might answer that you’d do it for you and him -for your post-relationship. If you answered like I stated, then you have to renew your knowledge about NC. NC is only a tiny step into getting him back. But until then you have to understand what NC’s true purpose is. And altough Chris has already explained this a thousand times I can tell you shortly that is about improvement and RECOVERY.

      During the NC I want you to focus on yourself and improve yourself to be able to recover from your post-relationship. When you’ve fully recovered, and only then, you can start initiate contact and start to build something new and better with your past lover.

      If you do end up telling him that you still love him or miss him then you’ll getting nowhere with creating something new with your ex. You don’t want to be the one to chase him, let him chase you. Maybe it sounds like an impossible thought of him chasing you, but nothing is impossible.

      After the contact and the friendly approach you can’t go directly into the past and try to fix it. Agian, what you had together will be GONE FOREVER. Instead you want to start something new by going from a friend to a lover like you did the first time you met.

      And don’t forget, the first time you met, to him you were attractive and self-going, you had a life outside the relationship and you were doing things you loved and was happy and satisfied with life. This was attractive to your ex and it was also the reason you once got together. Therefore, you have to recover and be your relaxed self again during NC, this is the best way to get him back.

      Remind him of why you two once got along so well – by being the one he saw for the first time you two met.

  5. Navjot

    October 2, 2015 at 6:18 pm

    Hi chris, thanku so much, you replied to my question…first of all… I would like to write a thankful note for this site.This site is very helpful for the emotionally unstable girls and guys out in any geographical zone of this world..U r doing a very noble deed.The point is nt always the success but ‘a start’, ‘a hope’..that I hv experienced and everyone(undoubtedly) has experienced after visiting this site..Thankyou so much for this priceless boon.and next I would like to come on my query..You said I should keep up with NC..and should also not just sit around ‘NC’..this means I should investigate on my part..that he has a new girl or not in his life..? And what do you feel..Are there any chances to get him back..after reading my story of long distance?

  6. Navjot

    October 2, 2015 at 12:21 pm

    And one more thing,we used to talk everyday and skype each other regularly..

  7. Navjot

    October 2, 2015 at 8:13 am

    Sir,please help me..I am 21yr old.i have tried to contact you on facebook and google+ bt failed.I am so confused and depressed that I dnt see any option bt u.I am an indian girl.I and my boyfriend were in a long distance relationship for four years.we are seperated by 3000km as we study in different states.Although we belong to the same hometown.for 2 years we were together and after 2 years we were in long distance r’ship.All was going good.Until last year when he had made physical contacts with girls.like he had smooched with two girls and had slept with one of his senior.when I got to knew this I ws shattered altogether as I had blindly trusted him.he appologized n I forgave him.Then again we were like normal couple with few fights and compromises.This year in Sept he asked me for breakup.He said we are not compatible.I want a practical girl not an emotional one like you and that I am very much dependent on him.He said I am falling in love with my junior.and I said then what to fight for,if u already hv a new girl.Then after 4 days he said,that he lied,there ws No girl,he did that counterfeit situation to make me feel disgusted About him. And that he still wanted breakup.Now I am still in love with him but confused as well that whether there’s another girl in his life or not.And when I said him I am about to tel everything to my mom,he said ‘no’ dnt tel,may b we can meet in december but just like friends.U Need to ddetach from me by then.I hv started ‘no contact phase”.It’s been 6 days now.please suggest wt shud I do and how can I find out,if there’s another girl in his life. I still want him back… I have u,d last hope.

    1. Chris Seiter

      October 2, 2015 at 4:06 pm

      Sorry for the failure to respond on Facebook and google plus.

      It’s tough for me sometimes.

      Just keep on with the NC. I would also not just sit around on NC.

  8. Blue

    October 2, 2015 at 7:16 am

    Thanks Chris for ALL of your articles. I think I might have read almost every one of them. I dont know why I ask this question as I no longer think my ex is worth it. However, may I challenge you and ask: I don’t see any of your article saying HOW getting your ex back (implementing the NC RULE) is possible when he WOULD want everything with you but JUST WONT MARRY you? Even 30, 60, 90, 120 days, etc of NC, he won’t marry = he won’t marry! So 1) would NC work for him to contact back? But note: him contacting back = he must give marriage which he cant and wont. 2) him contacting back after NC still doesn’t mean anything because he won’t marry = he won’t marry.

    1. Chris Seiter

      October 2, 2015 at 4:08 pm

      Commitment issues…

      Also a quick side note.

      The no contact rule is just one part of the overall gameplan to get an ex back.

      I am assuming that he wouldn’t marry you?

      How long were the two of you dating?

  9. Nana

    October 1, 2015 at 10:03 pm

    Dear Chris..

    A comment & a question ( a case 🙂 ).

    You have helped me a lot during my relationship,
    The website has valuable advises on how to improve an existing relationship not just how to regain it.

    The sense of humor here is fabulous and its very helpful for women going through difficult emotional times during breakups.
    I think going through these web pages is even considered part of the therapy or the healing process a woman should go through.
    I remember myself smiling through tears while reading here & it had helped a lot.

    You also are humble enough to correct yourself, like how you edited the solid idea of 30 days NC to a more realistic 21-90 days according to each situation.
    You keep learning, improving your theories, which shows how genuine you are and what you offer.
    Your book is an excellent material and you still provide free valuable advises too.
    I pray that God will reward you big time for this good you offer people.
    Please go on, it’s worth it.

    Now, the question 🙂
    We both are good looking, very highly educated, highly paid, successful stable persons who come from decent families.

    He is my first serious partner, I’m his 3rd fiancé ( he had 2 previously failed marriages).
    Throughout a 3 years relationship, I had to do this whole exBF recovery thing 2 times, the first time was a year ago & was an easy success, because back then we still had not slept with each other yet & he had no one but me. I went NC for 27 days then he contacted me wanting me back really bad.
    But this time, now, a month after great intimate days, he started pulling away, he started feeling nostalgic to his ex wife, he started meeting her secretly.
    Mistake #1, I acted insecure & needy.
    One day he kindly said he “cares so much about me”
    I understood, I cried, I wished him the best with his ex, I thanked him for his honesty, & I disappeared for a whole month, I left him no trace of me. Over the NC time I felt emotionally very stable & happy & even ready to let go.
    This time he did not contact me. But at the end of the month I texted him a friendly cheerful text to congratulate him for a special occasion in the family, & told him I will be visiting near his family’s town for a business meeting.
    He was so happy to hear from me, he made plans to meet, but despite his will he couldn’t & called to apologize. ( but hid his new phone number)
    Mistake#2 I couldn’t control my feelings in the call, I was all over the place, I was faking an ( I don’t care) mood & ( I’m ready to see other people) while obviously still missing him & sad to be away from him & jealous of his new girlfriend ( I don’t know whether she’s the ex wife or no). I ended the call first but I could feel the tense awkwardness that had developed.
    Mistake#3 Because I knew I messed up in the call & was a bit dry,, I texted him some “loving” texts,, which certainly went ignored! For 15 minutes I turned into text gnat 🙁 What a mess. Certainly I lost all value in his eyes.
    I stopped texting now, been 2 days, but I didn’t block him yet or disappeared from the messenger.

    I feel I pushed him into the arms of his new girlfriend, I feel ashamed of the emotional texts I sent, I feel anything I would say more would be humiliating, I’m afraid of going NC this time because of the horrible “after taste” I have left this time.

    I feel like texting one more thing to leave a decent after tase, to make him regain some respect for me, then disappear again.

    But what should I say?

    Of course I feel sad, helpless, devastated, ashamed & all the emotional mess you are familiar with from ur readers 🙁

    Thank you & sorry for the long story
    But I thought my story has some learning points for the ladies here 🙁 & worth mentioning

    1. Jen

      October 14, 2015 at 9:05 pm

      Hey Nana!
      Ok so I was looking thru the comments trying to find a story similar to mine that Chris had responded to. Ours don’t exactly match haha but I am about to go back into NC for about a week or 2. I liked your idea of sending a video message when you finished NC. What did you say to him?
      Thanks! 🙂

    2. Nana

      October 4, 2015 at 6:03 pm

      Ummm after the video message HE turned into sort of text gnat & I’m silent and scared to answer with the wrong thing & end up ruining it all again, help? Haha

    3. Chris Seiter

      October 6, 2015 at 4:03 am

      I guess it worked a little too well.

      Pick and choose what you want to answer.

    4. Nana

      October 4, 2015 at 8:19 am

      Thanks Chris.
      A follow up.
      I stopped calling or texting for a couple of days,,
      then I sent a video message,,
      He texted ( Thanks dear,, you look beautiful,, I just got back from travel).
      I haven’t replied so far.
      What do you think? Should I go now for No/Limited Contact leaving that “good aftertaste”? I feel like doing this.
      Or should I keep the communication going?

    5. Chris Seiter

      October 2, 2015 at 4:17 pm

      Haha Texting things got you into this predicament. Not sure its a great idea to send one more and then leave. I would rather you jump into NC and revamp your texting game and come back.

  10. Jessica

    October 1, 2015 at 10:55 am

    Hi Chris,

    First of all sorry for my English, but I’m from Belgium :).
    Me and my exboyfriend were together for 10 months and we were -in my opinion, and mine and his family- perfectly together. We didn’t argue and we were like bestfriends who also had a relationship together. He is 21 now and I’m 20.
    Then of course (otherwise I wouldn’t have to contact you) he dumped me by saying he hadn’t miss me enough while he was on a vacation and he didn’t want to settle (we are both university students so settling is totally out of the picture here).
    I came to your site 2 days after the breakup, so I only sent him a text once or twice and it was indeed a bit desperate, but I immediatly stopped texting when I did the NC rule.
    So my NC rule went well, after seeing (ignoring) him on a party and looking at his snapchatstory, at the 30th day of my NC period HE texted me, he said he wanted to ‘talk’….
    I didn’t ignore him that day (because I thought the contact rule had worked and it was the 30th day).
    But yesterday, we came together to talk, and he really just wanted to TALK, he wanted to know how everything was going on in my life, how my examinations went, and he told me he really just wanted to talk because he didn’t want things to get awkward between us.
    During this talk I was very strong, now I think I was a little too strong because I acted like nothing was wrong, that we just could be friends and we laughed all the time.
    Still he kept saying he was ‘glad’ we weren’t dating anymore and that we both would find someone better…
    And today, I sent him a text: that I didn’t want to be friends after thinking about it, that I still saw him more than a friend, but that I was glad we could’ve talked and that it doesn’t have to be awkward between us.
    He answered by saying that being friends wasn’t necessary and that we just could act normal to each other when we would see each other in public.

    So now I’m desperate and I don’t know what to do.
    What do you think is the best thing to do?

    Thank you!

    1. Jessica

      October 7, 2015 at 11:12 am

      one more question:
      do you think 21 days is enough? or is 30 days better?

    2. Jessica

      October 3, 2015 at 8:52 am

      Thanks for the advice! 🙂

    3. Jessica

      October 1, 2015 at 7:52 pm

      So should I try the game plan all over? restart NC and then building attraction by texting? Or should I start now with building attraction without the NCR?
      And was it a bad idea to tell him I didn’t want him as a friend?

    4. Chris Seiter

      October 2, 2015 at 4:22 pm

      Yes because now you have essentially put yourself in the friend zone.

      I would start all over. Besides, it’ll give you more time to revamp your texting game.

    5. Chris Seiter

      October 1, 2015 at 5:42 pm

      Hi Jessica,

      Good english!

      The big problem I am seeing is that no attraction was really built. There was no texting anticipation or calling anticipation.

  11. Abby

    October 1, 2015 at 9:45 am

    Hi Chris,

    First off, I’m really glad I found your site. I’ve read almost every article and at this point I know I need to do the NC rule, I just want to know if you think my ex and I have a chance at getting back together.

    Here’s a background of our story: I’m 24 he’s 25, we’ve known each other for 1 year now, and had been dating for 10 months. We broke up a month ago. When we met I had just freshly moved to a new state and knew no one else except for my parents living here as well. It was kind of a love at first sight for me (can’t believe I’m saying that because I always thought that was ridiculous) but if I had to put it into words looking back on it, that’s what it felt like. We instantly clicked. We were both instantly attracted, but more importantly we had a lot in common right off the bat, and our first time together went so smoothly. We started talking a lot, got to know each other pretty well, fast. Hence, why we got in a relationship after only knowing each other 2 months. We both never thought that we moved too fast so that’s not a concern of mine. Our relationship overall was awesome. We loved being around eachother, were almost inseperable, and spent a lot of time together. Since I’m relatively new to the area I haven’t even gotten to know many people on my own since we we’re always together. I met friends through him and had a few other friends, but that’s it. We did do things separately though. I would occasionally hang out with my friends, and vice versa. We didn’t NEED to see each other everyday but it just kind of happened that way. I’m not saying our relationship was perfect though. We did fight, but ultimately that’s probably because we spent too much time together so fights were bound to happen here and there.

    Some areas that led to the breakup: On my part, there were definitely things I needed to work on. I had moved to a new state to be closer to family, and it was the perfect time since I was switching my major so I thought what better time to transfer. At this point I was a little hesitant and confused on what I ultimately wanted to major in and do for a living anymore. Right from the start I had made that known to him, and he accepted it. He’s already graduated and has been working in his career for over a year. This combination of moving to a place I know no one, and confusion in school actually got to me in a way I did not expect. Towards the end of our relationship I kind of was in a depressed state. My ex even stated when he broke up with me one of the reasons is I started to lack ambition (which I can agree with). No one else besides him and my family would recognize that I was in that lost state of mind. I am the type of person to be able to put on a complete front, so it’s not like I was moping around all depressed. He just got to see the best and in this case worst side of me, and it’s something I was going through. Definitely temporary, given my character and who I am as a person (I’ve always been sure of what I wanted in life, always have been a go getter, multitasker, driven, had goals, etc.) I let this road block in my life ultimately affect other aspects of my life. I had 2 jobs that slowed down and I wasn’t getting the hours I needed. I know I needed to look elsewhere, but instead remained content with the little hours I worked. Looking back this put a stress on my ex, because it looked like I just was lazy, when in fact I was in a complete rut/depressive state that I didn’t know how to get out of (I felt like things just spiraled out of my control and that I was stuck and confused). He had voiced a couple times that he was not happy with me not working as much as I should and “not being driven”… The thing is despite during all of this mess in my life, our relationship was still very strong. Just to clarify it’s not like a was a huge negative blob to be around, I still was urging us to do stuff like workout, play sports, get outside, go out, do fun things we both enjoy. Well anyways to top that all off, a huge dilemma came our way unexpectedly. About 1 & 1/2 months before we broke up, I had found out I got pregnant. (We had talked to each other about one day getting married, having kids and a life together but we were not yet at the point in our lives). After a long and hard debate we came to the agreement of getting an abortion which was exactly 1 month before we broke up. We knew it wasn’t the right point in our lives, but also knew we would forever have to live with the decision we made. So the last month we were together mainly is what I believe to be what did us in. We were dealing with the healing process in 2 different ways. While I wanted to be close and comforted, he seemed to be aloof and a little bit distant. It wasn’t so drastic though, and didn’t even really notice until after we broke up looking back on things. A month after the abortion I had my last check up at the dr’s and that day was really hard on me emotionally. I didn’t voice it to him but instead was on edge and we ended up getting in a little fight over something not important.

    The breakup: That led me to say I think we need a break. He finally agreed, and this was the day before I was going out of town for 5 days. I left thinking the 5 days apart would be a good start, but after I left I soon regretted the decision we made, and realized I made it out of my emotions running high. During that 5 day break while I was gone, we still texted here and there (definitely not as much as usual) but I didn’t think this break would last that long. When I got back normally I would expect him to get ahold of me since he knew what day I was returning, but he didn’t. I was the one who said can we meet up and talk, and he asked if we could the next day because he was swamped at work. We talked the next day and I asked him what he was thinking so far and he replied it’s only been 5 days. I get that is not a long time, but I had already come to realize that I think we made a mistake, and I told him that. I sugguested the break in the first place, just to get some time to clear our heads so we could come back refreshed and better than ever. My intention was never to have it last for a long period, and I was under the impression we would still be considered “together” but just taking some time on our own. Well instead of him just saying maybe we should take a little bit longer of some time on this break he said he wants his space. All I asked for was a general timeframe, and some guidelines which I would consider very reasonable to give. He couldn’t give me any answers, so originally I didn’t think it was a great idea going on a break if neither of us knew what rules we were going by (just texting & no seeing each other, or no contact at all, how long, what he wanted to get from this break, etc) I ended up not being able to bring myself to agree to something that I felt was a bad idea and I ended up leaving on that note. A couple days later I asked to talk again. This time I said I will agree to a break, just please to give me a bit of an idea of what that entails. Now he said that he doesn’t want to try a break, and kept continuing to say “he wants his space right now”. This was heartbreaking to me because I feel like this came out of no where, because he originally agreed with me suggesting to go on a break, to him saying he wants a break, to him saying he needs his space and he doesn’t want to be together. I also felt blind sighted because he was actually sounding angry and nasty the way he broke up with me, which came out of no where and is not like him, I haven’t seen him act that way really. I left and at this point we were broken up.

    After the breakup: I couldn’t believe this was happening, I feel like things took a complete 180. I honestly could barely wrap my mind around us really being done. I felt like there were so many things unanswered and I was so confused what really went down. He could barely give me any information as to why he wanted his space right now. At this point I went through all the emotions. Shock, anger, hurt, sadness. Everything. I was being irrational with what I was saying via text the next few days. He said he doesn’t want to completely shut me out of his life, and that it’s not that he doesn’t love me. The last question I texted was “You’re okay with giving up on us?” And he said “I just want my space right now”. Well I gave him some space, but I did write him a letter, just so he knew I was willing to give him space, and wanted to tell him what I was feeling without him feeling obligated to get back to me. A little over a week went by and I broke the silence by calling him asking if I could come over. He said it was funny I called because he was just about to call me that day. Well we talked about things for a little bit, and he asked me if I wanted to hangout the next day. I said ok because I thought this was things getting better between us. The next day I came over, and things were strangely normal. He was acting like we were basically together, even though we both knew we weren’t. He made dinner for us, we watched tv and hung out. He was kind of playfully being touchy feely (which is how he normally was, but I wasn’t expecting that after we just broke up). He said something about the dishes and I said that he lost that benefit since I’m not his gf anymore. (referring to me doing them, since I regularly did them) He asked for a back massage and I said friends don’t give friends massages. He spoon fed me the spaghetti sauce to try twice (I didn’t really have an option to avoid that since the spoon was already in my face). He even imitated something I said stressing it in an innocent voice (which was his normal way of indirectly telling me what I said was cute) and went and leaned in to kiss me, but caught himself right before. I was making it clear that we were broken up and he wasn’t going to basically “have his cake and eat it too” sort of thing. (but I was doing it in a way that came across as not mean and in a relaxed way, not stern). Well before things ended on a good note, I asked more about where we stand and that made him become frustrated. He just couldn’t talk about anything between us. A couple days later I asked him if he wanted to go this baseball game, he ignored me a bit and eventually he told me again “he wants his space right now”. Another week went by, no contact, until I ran into him downtown while I was with my family. We said hi and my family came over to hug him and talk real quick. We talked a bit longer, he said he “wasn’t ignoring me” (even though he did) and he asked me what I was doing the next day and if I wanted to hang out. I said I was going to a football game. We hugged each other and said bye. The next day he texted me about the game I was at, and later when I got home I asked if he wanted to hangout and he said yes. We hung out and this time was a little less bf/gf -esque, but things we’re good. I ended up asking why was it that he ignored me, and he said that every time we hangout I always want to talk about us instead of just hanging out and he said that wasn’t his idea of fun, just talking about us. I agreed because I don’t like to keep bringing where we stand up, but told him the reason I am asking so many questions is because everything was left unanswered. I told him I can’t help but keep questioning because I feel like any time I see him could be the last time, and it would eat away at my mind if I had all these questions but never got any answers. The next day(today) he texted me just asking about work and what not, and we had a short conversation.

    And now I’m here: Writing this because ultimately everything at this point is so confusing. I had come to the conclusion that I can’t keep bringing us and where we stand up when we hang out. But I also still don’t know where we stand. He keeps saying he “wants his space right now” (Keyword: Right Now, which he keeps repeating) and we’ve gone a little over a week 3 times, no contact. Not a consistent 30 days with no contact though. I am about to start that because I need to know if our relationship really stands a chance, and I feel like that would be the only way since I can’t get any answers out of him.

    My personal thoughts: I think this is his confusing way dealing with the abortion honestly. I think he brought up other reasons why he broke up with me, to convince himself, and I think those reasons were all scapegoats. I also do think I was pressuring him into giving me answers, when he honestly doesn’t have any, and I think that also could’ve been a factor in driving him to break up with me.

    Please let me know your thoughts on this whole situation, and if I have a chance at getting my ex back.

    I almost forgot to mention a very important side note: I had gone on a date with someone else during our last week of no contact. Somehow it got brought up because we were talking about area codes and I was going to say “I met someone from your hometown” because it made me think of the distinctive area code that my ex has and the guy I went on a date had.. but stopped myself because that would 100 percent look like I was just trying to bring up the fact that I went on a date. He kept on asking me over and over what I was going to say and it got to the point where he was getting mad. So I ended up telling him I went on a date because I wouldn’t ever lie to him about that. I honestly didn’t want to go on this date, but felt like I should because I shouldn’t just sit at home and wallow. After I told him he would not stop asking me questions… “What’s his last name, where’d he go to school, where’d we go, what’d we do, how many times have we gone out, what’s his job, am I planning on seeing him again, did he enthuse me?” So it just showed that he got jealous knowing that. But I made sure to establish that I wasn’t out looking for someone to go out on a date, and told him I felt like I should get out and that I wasn’t going to shut myself off from the world because I’m so upset with what happened between us. He still knows that I very much want to work things out between us, so I don’t think this will confuse him making him think I am over him completely.

    I also forgot to mention another thing. Over the course of a month of us being broken up, I have started the new semester of classes up, and got a new job. So I am going to school and working full time. I also have joined a volleyball league which was one of my old passions, and have attempted in meeting new people. I would hate it if that was the ultimate reason for him breaking up with me would be because of those concerns he had of me “not working enough hours, lacking ambition, or being lazy” because that is so unlike me and I knew it was temporary. Honestly, it took this breakup to make me realize what I’m doing and it helped me snap out of my rut. Sometimes losing someone puts your life into perspective better than anything else can, and I believe having our relationship and him on the line made me look at the big picture.

    1. Chris Seiter

      October 1, 2015 at 5:43 pm

      Wow, this is a long comment!

      I think you definitely have a chance and I am not just saying that.

      It seems like you also have the right attitude.

  12. Maylene

    October 1, 2015 at 5:59 am

    Currently I’m on day 27 of the no contact zone. I was thinking I’m really nervous to actually try to test him. Several months ago we were talking again after a year or so breakup with no contact. I got invited out on a date. And in the end his girlfriend who I thought was an ex was actually his girlfriend. I don’t know if she still threw herself on him shes like the clingy type with no personality and uses her body to get what she wants and a person who copies whatever her boyfriend likes or he really failed to tell me that before inviting me out.
    So she did the lowest thing she could possibly do and of course I snapped and got discredited and became the common enemy. I was shocked and avoided him for 3 months. This was before I stumbled onto your site. And then in June I threw out a response and got one back. And it was back and fourth for a bit. So a couple of months ago I stumbled on your website and tried the no contact rule I failed at day 16 when I really thought he needed me and I saw the 21 day post.. After a month or so going back and fourth I didn’t like the response I was getting so I did no contact again. So I’m really nervous to actually initiate contact again.
    We kind of have a long history of being pen pals when he went traveled in the past. We always meet again somehow but I think all of this is a mess now and I should really leave it alone.
    I was thinking it probably is best to move on. Because he talks but no action through his letters. And we hadn’t seen each other in person for awhile except for a few accidental run-ins. But it is different when we are in person together like his eyes sparkle and he’ll notice me as soon as I walk into a room even with a crowd of people.

    I’m just tired of things not changing.

    1. Chris Seiter

      October 1, 2015 at 5:43 pm

      Have you sent that initial first contact text yet?

      If not, that is where I would focus my energy.

  13. Jeb

    September 30, 2015 at 5:52 pm

    While I do think that the above tactics mentioned could increase the chances of recovering an ex-boyfriend greatly, I have to remind people that there is no guarantee.

    I am a male myself and my girlfriend broke up with me recently, although I do still love and am in love with her I respected her decision and told her that I’m not going to contact her again until she does (and that’s even if she does at all to which then I would already moved on with my life continuing to be awesome Jeb). While the natural part of me is upset that she is gone, I have accepted that it was the best for both of us because she wanted her space to find herself again and I needed my space to grow and learn to become a best man that I can be. I do miss her dearly, but the truth is that if it was meant to be – then it was meant to be – and this wasn’t the case.

    Here’s something to consider though ladies – this is entirely based on type of person and not the whole male gender at all – if you break up with your boyfriend ; they could interpret as this – ‘If she really loved you then she would have fought harder to keep the relationship going’, i.e. once a breakup happens there’s no going back. I was ready to work through any obstacle in my previous relationship and eventually marry my ex because I loved her that much – but she didn’t feel the same to work it through. And because of that, I can’t take her back. And if even I miraculously did, it’s going to be a very, very steep climb because I will always question if she would dump me over the smallest disagreement and won’t want to myself through that again.

    1. Jeb

      October 1, 2015 at 5:59 pm

      Hi Chris, no I have not had the chance to check out your other site mainly because I have chosen to move on from this girlfriend for various reasons. It’s a shame that the relationship ended but at the same time it’s for the better. If she does contact me though I won’t play any mind games and be upfront to her because despite all that has gone wrong I still respect her as a human being and have forgiven her and myself.

    2. Chris Seiter

      October 1, 2015 at 5:48 pm

      Thanks Jeb!

      There is definitely no guarantee when it comes to this.

      Have you by any chance checked out my other site, Ex Girlfriend Recovery?

  14. Annie

    September 30, 2015 at 5:47 pm

    Hi Chris,
    I successfully completed no contact for the second time, so successfully that on day 30 he sent me a text, I waited to reply and in thirty minutes had received four replies. The next night, he text me again, we built up sending texts, not loads but enough to keep us talking and then, he got really jealous one night over one of my guy friends. He hasn’t been the same since, he doesn’t reply to texts, when he does he’s not interested, and I’ve been working really hard at keeping them interesting. I don’t know how to get him to text me first again, I was thinking I may go no contact for a week? I just don’t know, last night I got a response after getting kind of passive aggressive but I don’t think that’ll fix anything. Should I go no contact for a week or should I just keep trying? I don’t want to become a gnat.

    1. Annie

      October 2, 2015 at 4:40 pm

      He does seem jealous and I thought it was a good thing, but he’s got so cold with me since, how do I counteract that?

    2. Chris Seiter

      October 2, 2015 at 5:09 pm

      Give him some time.

      It’s simple push/pull theory.

    3. Annie

      October 1, 2015 at 7:39 pm

      The jealous was so strange. I posted a photo of my friend on social media, he saw it and late at night text me to ask who he was. I told him “he’s a friend I haven’t seen for a long time” he asked if I was on a date, I said no because he’s not that sort of friend, he asked if I have gradients of friends. I said no, he said it’s a strange thing to say, having friends you kiss, date etc but that’s not my business. I told him I don’t have friends like that and then he didn’t reply and the cold shoulder began.
      Thanks for replying.

    4. Chris Seiter

      October 2, 2015 at 4:24 pm

      Hahah he definitely seems jealous and thats not a bad thing.

    5. Chris Seiter

      October 1, 2015 at 5:49 pm

      Explain how the jealousy went down for me exactly.

      This is important.

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