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Joie
September 28, 2016 at 7:17 pm
Hi. I have been in an LDR for almost 5 years with my now ex bf. I broke up with him cause i feel like he was not invested in the relationship anymore and heard things that he was cheating on me which he never admitted when i confronted him. He didnt bother explaining as for him he’s protecting his ‘privacy’.Now im so confused into thinking that maybe he didnt cheat, but i could not think of any other reason for him to drift or pull away and go cold on me. Its almost 60 days now and still not a single text from him. Should i still contact him? Btw things ended very badly between us. He has not deleted the app we use for contact nor did he block me on facebook.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 30, 2016 at 2:14 pm
Hi Pai,
Yeah, it was a good sign but with what you said, it really looks like he is a player.. Or he did when it was near the end of your relationship.. How much have you improved?
Mélissa
September 28, 2016 at 10:58 am
Hello,
I have a question for you
You said during a break up, it affect both party
do you think our break up to me and my ex means something to him if one of the reason we break up its because i surprise him trying to replace me?
Mélissa
September 29, 2016 at 10:44 am
Sorry for the double post
yesterday i did my 30 days No contact rule and i contact ex to try to at least get in touch with him and maybe being friends or something….
He told me that he was more happier since he was single, that he don’t really wanted us to be friends…..how to get him back if the no contact rule do not work and if he does not want us to be friends?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 29, 2016 at 11:27 am
Hi Melissa,
what was your text and what did you mean that you surprised him trying to replace you?
Melissa
September 27, 2016 at 9:57 pm
Hi Everyone,
I’ve had an on-again off-again relationship with my ex for a few years now. This past Summer, I began pulling away, admittedly, to see if he would come forward and “man up” about our relationship. He did. He became more emotionally available and communicative. I was still ambivalent because we have gone back and forth so many times. Out of nowhere, he backed off again. I felt so tortured by our back and forth, hot-and-cold relationship. I told him I needed some space, for an indefinite amount of time, so I could finally get over him. Neither of us were angry. He told me how much he cared about me and how much he valued our time together, but understood if I needed space. I told him I respected him and knew he was a good man, but needed to do this for myself. Now, it’s been over 60 days of NO CONTACT. Absolutely NO CONTACT. I am shocked that I haven’t heard from him. We’ve tried to give each other space before, but inevitably one of us breaks no contact within a week or so. Does anyone have any insight as to what’s going on in his head? I’m going crazy!! I would really appreciate any feedback.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 28, 2016 at 7:53 pm
Hi Melissa,
he probably just opted to really respect your wishes.. If you want to know if there’s a chance, you need to initiate contact and then slowly rebuild rapport.
Hannah
September 27, 2016 at 3:58 am
Hi there. So three weeks before I moved cities for twelve months for work(I move back in seven months) i met a guy. We hit it off and he treated me really well, we went on lots of dates (day and night) and when I moved we stayed in contact. He sent me romantic texts etc, telling me to come up and see him. That was three months ago. I have been back to the city twice for work since I moved and each time catch up, I’ve stayed the weekend catching up with friends as well. He courts me well going to movies, art galleries, walks, lunch dinner the whole thing spending quality time together and always wants to spend the whole time together. Last time he introduced me to his sister. He has hinted at coming to see me but never locked in any plans to do so. We parted nicely on a Tuesday morning and then he text saying he wanted to see me before I left to say hi, but I was already on my way home. I freaked out and thought this meant he wanted to end things so I and began to feel insecure. Later that night I got a sweet dreams text from him. I responded the next day and we had a f ew texts back and forth , small talk, but still he did not initiate plans to come down and see me. He also never calls me, only texts. I began to feel like he was playing me and couldn’t take wondering when we would speak again (besides random texts that go nowhere) and sent a crazy text that said “It’s been great but I want to end contact and hookups because I don’t do well with the uncertainty. I’m beginning to develop some feelings, and clearly you are not, it’s okay no hard feelings, just want to end contact now. you’ve been lovely take care”. He responded by sending an emjoi lips/ kiss icon and that was it. I have no idea what this means. I have not contacted him, but part of me feels like I may have ended things too abruptly, and another part of feels like it was the right move and it’s to move on because he never calls nor has made plans to come to me. He is currently in between jobs, doing some contract work but waiting for interviews for fulltime work and I think I’ve been using this as an excuse as to why he hasn’t made plans to come to me. I’m resisting contacting him to explain things rationally and let him know I’d like to see where it goes, but it’s his call. Not sure what to do. Your thoughts?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 28, 2016 at 11:35 am
Hi Hannah,
You said hook ups? But you’re not together right? That means you’re friends with benefits and his reaction to your break up text seem to confirm it.
Savannah
September 25, 2016 at 5:21 pm
Hi. On monday we broke up because of ‘bad timing’. He has a list of things going on in his life that are overwhelming him and essentially destroying his ability to feel like a man. Hes 30 and I’m 26. We ended on good terms and had been together almost 5 months long distance. I was making plans to move down to him in a month, to continue things. I’m guessing all the pressures got to him and he didnt feel he was ready for a solid relationship and got cold feet. He has been married before to a nasty person, and has kids. His self confidence has taken a pretty big hit. So I understand why he felt the need to break it off. He told me he didn’t want to hold me back by making either of us wait. He’s the first man I’ve ever loved and vice versa. Says he didnt know what love was until he met me. I didnt freak out or do anything most girls would do, I calmly accepted it and asked for space and time to adjust. We both would like to stay in each others lives, but I cant be ‘just friends’ right now, I need to adjust my expectations. The day after he texted me and called me like everything was normal. I ignored a previous call from him. I was upbeat and happy and expressed what I wanted to work on personally. We also reflected about the good times. I decided to try NC to help myself. I would absolutely love to get back together with this man, but I’ve realized now may not be the time. I have to brace myself for him moving on as well. Day 3 he called and I ignored it. He texted about him wondering if he had made a stupid decision. And 3 other texts and 2 missed calls. He was missing me and feeling frustrated thinking I was ignoring him, but I was just at work. I called him back because I wanted to help him realize that I needed space and so did he. He wasnt reconsidering the break up, in fact he talked like he was convincing us both it was a good idea, that he was doing it for ‘us’ but made no promises or indications of trying again in the future. We ended it with a goodbye for now. But called me back immediately crying and begging me not to stop talking to him. He said he didnt know what he wanted and I told him we can both use some time to figure out what we want. We reminisced about some more good times we had and he finally agreed to give me some space. Its day 2 of this NC. I realize he’s gotta get himself out of this rut in order to feel good. Perhaps me being gone will help give him an incentive to get his butt in gear. He’s a good man in a tough situation. And he is dealing with depression. I need him to step up and I need to work on some things myself. My question is what if after NC, and I feel more stable, its still bad timing, because it might take a few months for him to feel stable? Should we be friends and stay in touch to keep the good vibes going or should I just stay away longer if I want a second chance? Also, what if he feels I’ve abandoned him? Im being the strong one, finally taking care of myself and seeing the good in all of this, but I dont want him to go through this rough patch in his life alone. I just cant ‘act’ like his girlfriend without being his girlfriend and I’m not sure how to communicate that. Any advice would help. Thanks.
Savannah
October 9, 2016 at 2:42 pm
3 days after NC he texted saying he wanted me back and that he loved me. It was at night, I waited until the next day to text him back that we could talk more after work. When we talked, he just said how he missed me and talking to me. I asked to clarify what he was thinking about and he just kept beating around the bush. Maybe I pushed to much, but he wasnt being clear enough about wanting me back, so I asked him if that meant bf/gf. He said I could call it whatever I wanted… still nothing clear. I realized he still doesn’t know what he wants, he just missed me, doesnt really feel like getting back together. Since then we’ve talked once or twice. This last time was again ‘you’ll find someone better’ but he added things like ‘but you might accidentally call him my name once or twice’ and other joking comments which made me realize he wants to be the ‘best I ever had’. I’m dealing with a commitment phobe, so I’m not sure how to take things easy. Hes also threatened that if I stop talking to him he’ll cut me out, etc. So he’s also a manipulating/selfish person too, and afraid of being alone. I’ve always been aware of his negative qualities, but the good always outweighed the bad. He can be an a** but around me hes vulnerable and open. I started NC on Friday (its day 3). Ive also been on a date and am slowly getting back into dating. Im not emotionally ready to, but I’m doing it and meeting some great people. I’m also focusing on myself and my goals more than ever. Everyone says to give up and move on. A part of me is ready to, for myself. I’ll become the Ungettable girl I was when I first met him. I already am. My fb has positive, good stuff, fun girls night stuff, etc. on it, and he’s liked it. I think its just gonna take time. Some of his issues that made him stressed are working out, and others are in the process of being worked on. I just dont know what to say/do if he calls or texts me again. How can I make sure he means getting back together when he clearly has mixed emotions? How do I not push him away when/if he wants to talk about ‘us’ again, keep things light but get clarity about what he really wants?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 11, 2016 at 7:43 am
That’s good that you’re back in no contact period.. Try doing new things so you can meet new people.. You don’t have to date but it would be better if you meet new people that have the same interest as you and make new friends. You just have to stop being influenced by his manipulative moves.. You can’t force him to commit, so the best you can do is to stick to your standards.. In that way, the wrong people will leave, and if they want to stay, they’ll change because they can see that you know what you want and you will not allow other people to just change it easily..
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 26, 2016 at 8:49 am
Hi Savannah,
You are indeed the strong one. You actually know what to do and you are doing it right. No contact is just to help you have leverage. So, you can have a proper jumpstart on your new routine. Whatever you start during it, you have to continue doing after it. It’s not a guarantee that he will be better after no contact, but if he’s still not at least you’re already more rational. Don’t rush things. It’s ok to talk to him after it and be friends, just don’t be too available. At some point, you will have to decide on your own if you still want to continue being his friend or not.
Laura
September 24, 2016 at 6:10 pm
My ex is all the above things. He left me in a terrible situation and now he is not contacting me but waiting for me to pick up my things.
I have 2 options right now:
1.texting him to ask if I can pick up a dress I need for oktoberfest next weekend
2. Borrow a dress and text him later about when I will come (or get a pick up service) to get all my things including my bed etc in 2 weeks…
I want to show him how much I improved during no contact but I don’t want to scare him off with constant picking up of things… but could this be an opportunity too?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 25, 2016 at 9:29 am
Hi Laura,
I think it would be better if you use that opportunity to show off. Just pre-empt him that it will a number of visits, so that it won’t seem like you’re using the circumstance, it’s just what it is. You can’t pick all of those in one go right? And avoiding him might seem you haven’t moved on, so just chill and look your best when you talk and when you see him
Elz
September 23, 2016 at 10:23 pm
Mine may sound a bit strange, my ex boyfriend and i only dated for one month, he was all over me And everything was fine. But then we had a little miss understanding, And i overracted And was rude, but i apologized the following morning. He said he wants out that he couldnt concerntrate at because of me, that he doesnt want any Stress at work. Its been weeks now and he wasnt contacted me, am sick And going crazy. What should i do?
Janine
September 29, 2016 at 9:01 pm
Seriously my boyfriend did the same thing to me. Completely shut me down I am still sick…he won’t talk to me either
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 24, 2016 at 4:22 pm
Hi Elz,
even it’s a bit late, why not try the no contact rule as a last resort? Start the count after this. Do 30 days and just focus in healing, improving yourself, doing new things and making new friends..Continue that routine even after nc, even when you start talking to him again.
Paul
September 23, 2016 at 12:07 pm
My ex is in a new relationship which shows classical signs of a rebound relationship. My question is that it’s been a whole year since the break up and she has been with no one else since. Could rebounds happen after a year of a breakup? Also I pushed her to her limits with my emotions. She sometimes tell me that she still loves me and that she doesn’t know why she is with him and not with me. I am also scared that I have been put in the friendzone now. Now I started the NC and although I want her so bad I want this for me so I can move on with my life and maybe take all this emotional attachment away and start a new life.
Paul
October 11, 2016 at 10:14 am
I have tried my best to get her back and show here that I am not here to hurt her. I broke up so we could work on ourselves nothing else. I never left her side for 8 months but had too when she started dating and pushed me away. I cannot imagine my life without her in it but I have no control and I don’t want that control over how she feels. She started dating after 8 months of the breakup and they have been together for 5 months so I don’t know if it’s a rebound. If it is I still think that she won’t just leave because she is a person that sticks around. I just wish her all the best and happiness. Never thought I could give up on her but she left me no choice.
Paul
October 10, 2016 at 11:01 am
Anyway the whole point of the NC is to move on and that is slowly but surly working. I am doing everything I love again and getting back my confidence. It’s been a long time for me and I feel I am ready to accept the world. I met someone very down to earth and beautiful and I might give a little and see where it goes. I am still emotionally sensitive so I know I have to take this very very slowly so I don’t make any mistakes or use her in any way. I still love my ex and I don’t think I will ever stop but life is full of surprises.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 11, 2016 at 9:22 am
sorry for the misunderstanding.. for me, you know it’s actually unhealthy that she can’t go without a relationship.. So, what I meant is that, if she’s like that, she will be curious about you, even if you left her. She will check you once her current relationship begin to have some problems because she had talked to you for a long time and since he’s a rebound, there’s really good possibility that she will get curious about you later on and check if you have changed.. but right now, that’s good that you are moving and taking slow, because that’s how it really should be..
Paul
October 9, 2016 at 8:07 pm
Yes I do love her and I would do anything for her even sacrifice my happiness for her to be happy. I want her back but I don’t wish her any pain from the relationship she is in. Why do you ask ‘would she regret leaving you?’ I left her not she left me, I was there for her all the time. Not sure I understand your question sorry.
Paul
October 7, 2016 at 8:03 am
It has been around 15 days of no contact. No contact have been made from either side. I also have the feeling that they are moving in together or they already moved in together. It might be a rebound yes, or she is using him but at the same time all her relationships have been rushed and all of them lasted a while. I truly do love her and I know that she does as well although as I said I might be in the friendzone but something is keeping her back or she doesn’t want to get back together because the more time passes the more I see her growing further away. Now two weeks without a contact and she never replied to my last message left me with no hope at all. There might be hope if she was single but she is a person that hates single so I think that rebound or no rebound she will stay with him.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 9, 2016 at 7:44 pm
oh that means she’s dependent.. once that relationship hits the rocks, abd she thinks of you and checks how you’re doing, would she regret leaving you?
Paul
October 1, 2016 at 10:31 am
I am saying a point of no return not for being rude with them or insulting them but for looking desperate. I always wished her the best and always told her that the most important thing for me is her happiness. I was needy or desperate in my text as I was missing her a lot. She knows that I changed very much but it wasn’t my change that was the problem, it was both of us and the wrong decisions that we took during the relationship. She always wanted to come back to me because she knows as well as I know that our issues could be easily addressed and a 2nd shot is worth a try. The only wrong thing I did was being too desperate and showing too much weakness so that is my only worry, that I drove her away for good by being too desperate.
Paul
September 29, 2016 at 12:25 pm
Is there a point of no return when it comes to NC? Can you be so needy for so long that you cannot go back although they are still confused on what they want and still tell you that they love you?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 30, 2016 at 5:29 pm
Yeah but not really never.. It will just take a long time.. Because there has to be a genuine change.. And it’s not easy to prove in a short amount of time because she might think that you’re just doing it to get her back.
Paul Yantley AL
September 28, 2016 at 10:43 pm
Is there a line that once broken it could never work again no matter the NC? Can you be that needy that it’s irreversible? Although we were always very close and loving and never had major issues like loyalty or disrespect, can being too needy push a person that much that they will never come back? She kept telling me that she loves me and that she is thinking about me. And I think that since I deleted her from FB she would be very hesitant to contact me now. She might also stay with her new boyfriend as well. So I don’t know what to make from it all. I’m kinda scared of moving on to the point of no return because it would be pure love lost.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 30, 2016 at 5:29 pm
Yeah but not really never.. It will just take a long time.. Because there has to be a genuine change.. And it’s not easy to prove in a short amount of time because she might think that you’re just doing it to get her back.
Paul
September 26, 2016 at 1:39 pm
Ok I will be doing the 31 days for sure maybe even more, I don’t think I will be engaging contact as she was the one that wanted to be with someone else. If after the NC she contacts me, depending on the manner she contacts me I will decide on what to do. I already started many activities to fill my days and I’m sure I will have much more till that time. Thank you so much for your support 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 26, 2016 at 1:51 pm
You’re welcome!
Paul
September 26, 2016 at 10:21 am
It was all combined so change has to come from both ends as we have talked about this together. I will not reply or respond if she tries but I doubt she will now. How much time do I leave or how can I go with this NC please?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 26, 2016 at 12:58 pm
Do at least 30 days, if you need to extend to 45 days, that’s ok. Just continue the activities you will be starting during nc after it, while building rapport with her.
Paul
September 26, 2016 at 6:51 am
How can the no contact rule help to give us both a restart when she has a business and planning on moving in with him? It’s been 4 months already now. This person has everything she never wanted and my ex is a girl of strong principles and she broke most of them for this guy. So I am not sure on what is happening now and I feel lost on what to make out of it.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 26, 2016 at 10:07 am
The absence and your change helps to have a restart. If she sees you again or talks to you again and sees that you’ve changed from the guy she knows, she might be less afraid or take a chance slowly because she doesn’t see the old you or the old problems anymore. That you have moved on from all of it, so she would naturally do that as well.
Paul
September 25, 2016 at 9:27 pm
Yes I have to agree with you because healing already started. I know that we are still in love. Before she met this guy I knew she was still in love with me and so did I. She is a person that is not good at being alone, loves being in a relationship and also loves being busy. They started a small business just a week after they met and 4 months later they are planning on moving in together. She is trying to do what she couldn’t do with me, and not because I didn’t want her too but because she wanted to take things slowly. Last few times we met (she was already with this guy) we discussed and agreed on the issues we had and how they could be easily addressed and how they can work but somehow she is holding back. I know she still loves me but I was being needy which is wrong. So now I will work on moving on and she can then decide what she wants to do with her life.
Paul
September 25, 2016 at 10:57 am
Don’t see me or her as bad but we were so close that we totally draining each other. We were too dependent on each other and I believe that a relationship cannot work that way so we had to learn how to live without one another in order to become independent.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 25, 2016 at 3:46 pm
if that’s the case, I’m wrong. She probably got tired and yes, she’s using the other guy as rebound. That’s good that you don’t want to try things with her when she’s still in a relationship. Maybe the no contact rule can help to give you both a restart. Think of it that way. If it doesn’t, at least you’ve already started on healing.
Paul
September 25, 2016 at 10:42 am
Actually it was me who was unavailable. She was constantly trying to meet me and be close but I kept her at bay because I was scared of flaring up the relationship. We never had big issues like distrust or loyalty. Constant minor arguments that I feel out of love. But we still spoke on a daily basis sometimes for long hours. Then one day she just became unavailable so you can imagine what happened. She found a guy and they rushed so fast it was crazy. He is totally the opposite of myself and everything she never wanted. I know I don’t want to loose her but I believe that it’s her life and I cannot impose or take anything from her because then I would feel guilty so I decided to stop contact, as I said, so I can move on and close the chapter. I am not saying I wouldn’t love to try again and correct all the issues we had, but only if she wants and only if she’s single.
Paul
September 24, 2016 at 4:39 pm
Ouch! can’t believe I’m in the friendzone after 4.5 years together! Is it difficult to get out of the friendzone in my case? I unfriended her from Facebook because I don’t want to keep getting reminded of her. She felt scared that I will be moving on but she still didn’t act on it. She didn’t reply to my last message I sent and has been four days now. As I said I will go ahead with the no contact for myself to move on so I will continue with it. Last time I told her I want to move on and better to cut contact she said she cried all night and wanted to come back (or so she said). Any tips on what to do next please? And I appreciate your reply
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 25, 2016 at 9:14 am
I think there’s still a chance.. It’s just that you were so available for a year, she took you for granted. She was ok with being friends. Although we can’t guarantee that the nc will work, I think it can help to increase your chances because your absence and your improvement might make her realize what she’s been taking for granted.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 24, 2016 at 10:21 am
Hi Paul,
That’s a good reason for doing nc. If you kept talking for a year, then yes you are probably friendzone and if she says she doesn’t know why she’s with him,then yes it can be a rebound even if it’s been a year after the breakup
Eric
September 22, 2016 at 7:05 pm
I broke up with my bf of 3.5years because hes an alcoholic and I don’t like watching him kill himself every day. We don’t live together and his drinking inhibited him from being independent so I drove his ass around on weekends. He doesn’t get drunk but he knows he has to go to rehab and there hasn’t been any abuse or anything. I really care about this man and it broke me even saying I was having doubts about us. I finally, after see a physiologist, realized I haven’t been happy and needed some time away. I brought up these concerns with him and asked that we not see each other for a while. Its not even been a week and getting out of bed just gets harder. I’m doing the NC and keep looking at my phone like why hasn’t he called or texted? Doesn’t he want a future with me? I’m driving myself crazy thinking he would change for me but that will never be the case. I want him to change for him. After the 30 days I don’t know what I will expect. His drinking never hurt me directly but still…it hurts him so in turn that hurt me. I mean, we were wanting a future together, but it felt like I was his daycare every weekend. Should I even text him? Should I even try to rekindle? Its one of those defining relationships where your thinking of the other person and your phone rings and its them. Where you just have to look at each other and the other person knows what you’re thinking. There have been so many times where I was texting him and midway through my sentence I would get a text from him. I was in Europe for a week once and I knew something was wrong with him, turns out it was the anniversary of a loved ones death. How can he just let that go? When you connect on another level and you realize it but you don’t want to change? I don’t want to live my life without him, what the hell do I do now?
Eric
September 26, 2016 at 7:09 pm
Do you think I should contact him after 30 NC?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 28, 2016 at 7:18 am
yeah you can.. just take it slow and observe him too while trying to build rapport and keep doing the activities you started during nc
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 23, 2016 at 3:48 pm
Hi Eric,
assess your standards..We can’t change somebody else. And if you’re really important to him, if he sees you’re serious about not being with him if he doesn’t change, there’s a chance you might influence his decision. When we stick to our non-negotiables, we will lose the people that doesn’t fit in it, so that the right ones will stay.. Or our standards will change to fit in the standards of others.
Jocelyn
September 22, 2016 at 2:13 pm
My boyfriend and I were together for almost 2 years. These past 2 ‘months had been stressful for both because we had school and work and barely got to see each other. Since the beginning of the relationship we would fight but we would fix it but this past month has just been way too much. Every time we would see each other he was tired and in a bad mood and we would both just get upset and argue. So a week and a half ago we talked and he told me he wasn’t happy with where he was and he needed to work on himself. He also mentioned that he felt he wasn’t making me happy so he had to let me go. After he broke up with me with we’re on good terms but a couple days after I went out drinking and I kept calling him and calling me and I was so angry that I started going off on him saying he didn’t love me and he probably was cheating on me. After that he got really upset that I kept bothering so he blocked me from his phone. Now, my question is what should I do? I’ve been in no contact for 5 days. Is there any chance he will reach out since the last time we actually talked he said he wasn’t changing his mind about his decision. I miss him terribly but I’ve been staying strong and trying not to reach out to him. But will he miss me eventually or will he just forget about me? Thanks.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 23, 2016 at 2:06 pm
Hi Jocelyn,
he will miss you but just being silent isn’t going to help much. You need to be active in improving yourself.
Jennifer
September 20, 2016 at 10:58 pm
Hi!
My boyfriend of 15 months broke up with me last week saying we are not on the same page. I wanted him to spend more time and he said he has the time but does not want it too. I was hurt and on the following week we had an argument about some girl he had on his phone. I think I was so fed up with the way he was treating me so I pushed for the argument. He took a week to break it off. I was ignoring his calls and text. He broke up and said he wants to be friends. I said if I can not be in a romantic relationship with him I do not want a friendship. He asked to keep in touch and said he will call from time to time to see how I am doing. Then he said if he did not have so much respect for me he would ask for FWB. I said I know you respect me and left at that. I am now on a NC. Do you feel he will contact me? If so, should I be his friend? I know there are no room for a romantic relationship here and I do not want FWB.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 22, 2016 at 7:10 pm
Hi Jennifer,
if you know there is no room for a romantic relationship, then that means you’re doing this to move on?
sam
September 20, 2016 at 4:08 am
so my boyfriend/ex broke up with me because we had gotten into a really bad arguement. the arguement was regarding me not showing him my text messages. he assumed that i was cheating on him even though i didnt. I apologized a couple times and also tried to get him to know the full truth but he will not listen. i asked to meet up in person but i got no reply. He broke up with me 12 days ago but still has me on snapchat and also wished me happy birthday after we broke up. i am trying to do NC.. will he come back?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 21, 2016 at 5:19 pm
Hi S,
There is a chance but we cant guarantee that.. I think you should check this one:
How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back If He Thinks You Cheated But You Didn’t
April
September 16, 2016 at 6:10 am
Hi, My ex bf broke up with me 2 weeks ago. I dated him for 2.5years and it was the best relationship i’ve ever had. I thought we were doing fine and both were happy but out of blue he says we have very limited time for each other and he has no feelings for me anymore to hold on. I was so hurt because i did my best for this guy. I gave him the space that he needed and gave understanding to him in every aspects. He said he’s not interested to find a new girl and will focus on his carrier. However, a mutual friend told me he’s texting to a new girl. I called him after a week we broke up and he seemed to be angry for some reason that i don’t know and keep saying his feelings are gone. I haven’t spoke to him since then. He seems fine, doing usual stuff, hanging out with friends and smiling. I’m having a hard time to absorb all these. I still can’t accept that the man who once treated me so good has left me with such reason.
Shiz
September 20, 2016 at 11:02 am
Hey, I love this website and I can easily relate. I have been with my boyfriend nearly 3 years. I decided to go on my first proper NC break, I initially asked for 1 month and he said no he wants 2 weeks, then he said 1 week. We agreed on 2 weeks but I feel this is not long enough. Usually we go on a break and he will end up ringing me after a few days and I answer and everything goes back to how it was. But now I have blocked him from calling me to avoid this happening. The reason why I’m having this NC break is because there are several issues in our relationship, he refuses to introduce me to his family or even tell them properly about me, because we are different religion and he’s afraid, he doesn’t want to commit for another couple of years and doesn’t want to live with me either even though he has a house and lives alone, he puts himself before me all the time, all my best friends say I deserve to be treated much better as I am miserable a lot of the time because we never spend any quality time together and he never puts me first. I have raised all these issues with him but he refuses to compromise, so I felt a NC break would make him miss me and realise what he has lost. He contacted me a week into the break saying he misses me loads, but I did not respond as the NC break is continuing. I aim to carry this on for a month. What do you think about this situation?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 21, 2016 at 7:14 pm
Hi Shiz,
it’s not really nc if he knows about it and he knows for how long you’re going to do it. So, at least you’re not responding now because that makes up for it. But I have a question, since this is just a break, what would you do if he breaks up with you because you’re not answering him?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 18, 2016 at 4:42 pm
Hi April,
if the rumor is true, then he might in a grass is greener syndrome.. Read this one: The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends
Kel
September 14, 2016 at 3:27 pm
we split almost 2 months ago. He broke up with me saying that he has too many emotional and personal problems to be with anyone and doesn’t know how long it’ll take so not to wait for him. I did the typical begging for a few days and he got annoyed and stopped responding. We’ve run into each other a few times (in college) and things were fine. We’ve had a little bit of contact (him saying happy birthday, and arranging how to return things). 2 weeks ago I returned his things and we talked. I told him I still loved him and he said he has feelings too but it has to be like this. Saw him last week and we talked for a little about nothing. He said he isn’t with anyone and answered a question I had. I told him I needed time to not talk to him but I would eventually contact him and he said I could. I’m on day 6 of NC. I plan to do 30-45 days. I have less pressure cause I know I won’t have to worry about if he’ll text or not-I know he won’t.
So what should my first contact message be like? We’re on good terms. We passed each other yesterday and waved but didn’t stop to talk. I’ve calmed down a ton since we broke up but still have bad days so I need a while to cool down. I want him back and I know we can work it out but I’m so scared that I’ll initiate contact and he’ll ignore it. Thanks!
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 17, 2016 at 5:43 pm
Hi Kel,
I think he won’t ignore it… because he already knows you’re probably going to text him sometime… what’s more important is how much you improve during and after nc.. focus on that.
Shino
September 14, 2016 at 9:46 am
Hi Amor,
I had a more than a year LDR with a guy. He was my first boyfriend, we have different nationalities so i thought our culture is different we r both asian but his culture is more open and mine is more conservative. Thus, we fought a lot but everything is always be fine even though he has complained that we have different value. I always think so long we love each other we would be able to survive this relationship. I also visited him much since we r just 1.5 journey with plane. I just recently visited him and well i am very clingy and has a lot of assumption in my head. He did say he loves me when i met him (he respects my no sex before marriage view), but when i return to my homeland i was saying lovey dovey farewell and he didn’t respond on it like he used to so i made this kind of whining and complaining in anw we fought again the next day. But that time suddenly he said he thinks it is better for us to end our relatiosnhip. I think it is the usual fight and then i told him no i don’t want but he kept rejecting me. During weekend he asked me not to contact him until early this week, i did contact him and he still in his decision. I was so shocked by his decision he said he cannot be with me anymore, i told him i had reflected upon my mistake and why can’t he gave me the last chance, i cried and cried but that doesn’t change his mind. He said he can’t anymore even last one chance also cannot anymore. It’s just recently he said he loves me how come so easy? I am so scraed cos if he has decided on sumting he won’t change his mind. So will NC work on this? I think he is quite prideful to reach me out first and can I get him back? I really think he is the only one for me… Thank you
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 17, 2016 at 4:38 pm
Hi Shino,
We can’t guarantee that the nc will work nor that he will go back.. but if you just kept fighting and he won’t talk to you, then it’s better to just do nc, than to keep on chasing him.. If you are going to do it, I think you should do 30 days.
Tamara
September 13, 2016 at 7:10 pm
Hi, I’m hoping u can help me with some advice. My ex ended his relationship with me by ignoring me. I don’t know why it ended. I deleted him and started no contact. Two weeks later, he hasn’t attempted to contact me. Should I just give up or is there hope? Will really appreciate the help 🙂
lisa
September 19, 2016 at 8:28 am
I’ve just started this NC rule its my first day!! I’ve done all the begging in the first week we split (over sumin really silly!!) I’m still in my grieving period but I feel better doing this NC rule as I feel I’m playing the game too, kinda gives u back control!! We wer together nearly 3yrs & split up a few months ago for 3mths & he started a new relationship but said he loved her but allways thought of me as she wasn’t me, not sure how that worked or like most men, he believed his own dribble!! We got back together & it was beautiful so its hard coming to terms why he would throw it away over sumin silly, but I think time will tell as I truly believe if someone truly loves you then they wdnt walk away or after cooling off they will come back. I’m gonna giv it 21days then give up, I think 3weeks is long enough to miss me, then I’m gonna move on, my only worry is out of sight out of mind it could all b a waste of time .
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 21, 2016 at 12:49 pm
Hi lisa,
I dont understand.. I thought you wanted to move on, then if you do, it wouldnt if you’re out of his mind
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 15, 2016 at 4:55 pm
Hi Tamara,
how long were together? If you are to think about it, just any reason, why do you think it might be? anf have you started improving yourself?
Meg
September 13, 2016 at 5:23 pm
My ex and I broke up 3 months ago after he cheated on me. I told him it was completely over and he hasn’t tried to get back with me . Do you think he will contact me ?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 14, 2016 at 6:30 pm
Hi Meg,
The last contact was three months ago? If yes, it’s less likely that he will.
J
September 11, 2016 at 11:15 pm
A month and a half ago, my ex asked for a break. One of the last times we talked he said he loved me so much and he did not wanted to lose me but he needed time to find himself and work on himself to know who he was. I understood his decision, and for the first few days after taking the decision we talked and we talked normally. Then after that we kinda just stopped talking, he stopped replying but the last thing he said was I love you so much, we will find each other.
After that I started reading exboyfriendrecovery.com, so I started my Nc. During this time, I’ve been going out with friends, talking to new people, working out, getting better at my job, studying harder in all my classes. And I feel amazing about myself, I know this break has helped me a lot since I literally push myself everyday to be better, to not spend a lot of time by myself so I am not sad. But I still love him so much and I want him back.
The sad part is that on his bday I said happy bday to him to which he replied with a Thank you (smiley face). I did not replied back becauseI felt hurt that he did not even asked how I was doing, so I started my NC again. All this time he has no contacted me, he deleted our pictures from Instagram, and he seems to been having fun as well.
A couple nights ago I woke up in the middle of the night and I was using my phone as a lamp and I dont know how but I ended up Facetime calling him and I hang up right away, and sent him atext saying that it was an accident sorry and he never replied to me. His instagram profile still says my name and I just dont understand why he never contacted me and why he is acting like if he is mad at me not replying when I didnt do anything wrong to him. I miss him so much guys help me, what should I do? Please.
-J
lisa
September 19, 2016 at 7:56 am
Hi the clumsy using yr fone as a lamp then accidently calling is exactly like me!! My usual one is calling him all names under the sun to my friend then accidently sending it !! But on a serious note I wd text him cz he will read it & if u fone he might not pick up) & I would say*yve had long enough where do we stand? If he says its over then say ok fine, at least I know where I stand so I’m gonna move on & I hope life is good for u, take care. If yr nice he,ll remember it more as the nice person u are & u hav more chance rather than him remembering u as a crazy love sick stalker !! & seriously yl hav no chance, men like a chase, giv him time to miss u, as long as it takes, if u see him do a quick smile like yr to busy or cant b bothered to talk to him, trust me on this, but if he’s stubborn & doesn’t take the bait, in time yl realise that he’s not worth it & find someone else, but in the meantime do sumin that u love, focus on u,yl b more interesting & attractive & alot happier
J
September 13, 2016 at 8:16 pm
I dont know the fact that he never replied to my text apologizing for accidentally facetime calling him.
Do you think we are still on a break?
I dont know what to do 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 15, 2016 at 6:43 pm
I dont think he’s angry.. he’s just plainly ignoring you because it’s not something that needed a reply..
Actually, When he said you will find each other, I think you’re already broken up, he just doesnt want to be responsible for it by saying it..So,.now he’s jusy ghosting you, hoping you’ll be fed up and end it yourself.. In that way, the decision was yours..
1 and a half month is too long for just a break..
If you want, make it clear first.. Ask him how he has been.. if he doesnt answer, ask him about the relationship..
tell him, I understand you need more time to find yourself and I’m not stopping you, I just want to know clearly until when should I wait?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 13, 2016 at 3:59 pm
Hi J,
Hmm.. what made you think he’s angry at you?
sarah
September 11, 2016 at 9:10 pm
Hi me and my boyfriend of four years just broke up yesterday. We had a very bad argument and he ended things with me. Today he called me saying we can be friends but he doesn’t think we should get back together. I sent him a message saying that I needed some time to clear my head and that it was best that for now we dont talk again. Will the no contact rule work for me since I asked for space and for us not to talk?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 13, 2016 at 3:43 pm
Hi Sarah,
we can’t guarantee that the no contact rule will work but he probably was caught off guard with your answer. Increase your chances by improving yourself while in this no contact and I think you should do either 21 or 30 days.
Kkic
September 10, 2016 at 4:38 pm
I am currently 3 days into nc with my ex boyfriend (been broken up for almost 3 months). I’ve begged and pleaded and it hasn’t worked of course. It’s driving me crazy because he hasn’t tried to contact me at all, I really love him and can see us being together forever , I’m doing the nc because he’s not committing to me like I want but has done it before. His family reassures me that there’s no one else in his life and that he talks about me all of the time & I’m a little afraid now because I think all hope is gone. When I called him before no contact he would make we wait for hours until he called back & then we’d be on the phone for hours & he even begged me to stay in his life , I’m so confused & need advice.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 12, 2016 at 9:13 am
Hi Kkic,
why did you break up? and how long were you together and how old are you both?