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66 thoughts on “What Do You Do If Your Ex Is Talking To You Before No Contact?”

  1. E

    January 15, 2018 at 9:33 pm

    Hey Amor,

    Thanks for your reply.
    I’m working on myself, start taking courses, found a new hobby, changed my hair.
    So… should I break no contact again and initiate it differently?
    I’m freaking out, and I’m afraid I’ve lost him forever now because I lessened my chances by saying I wouldn’t respond for a while if he would reach out to me.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 18, 2018 at 5:58 am

      how many nc have you done?

  2. Mariah

    January 15, 2018 at 9:02 am

    Okay so my boyfriend broke up with me 2 weeks back and I agreed to be normal friends but then last week we had a fight ( it was his fault) after which I decided to do NC. And he kept calling and texting and I didn’t reply to any. Also he’s been texting me that he wants to give me a gift and if I don’t meet he’ll just give it to my friend to give it to me. Also during the NC I’ve evolved a lot. Like I’ve got a makeover and I’m very much stable rn and I’m a happy girl. Also his birthday is in 10 days. Should I start talking in a few days or continue the nc for longer ? Also it’ll be tough to ignore him for long as we are in the same friends group and there a concert coming next month that we all are going together. I really love and want him back but I’ve learnt to be happy and enjoy my life during this nc period. Basically I’ve changed for good. Also we broke up cuz I realised that I was tooo needy. Constantly wanted to talk and meet and stuff. Please tell me what to do

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 15, 2018 at 7:48 pm

      That’s good that you’re actively improving yourself. You can do 21 days.. if he literally says he wants to get back together, you can break it.

  3. E

    January 13, 2018 at 11:20 pm

    Hey!
    My ex and I were still contacting each other every day. He told me he still loves me but is afraid it won’t work out again if we tried and end up hurting ourselves and our families. He doesnt know when he’s ready to try again. After a few months of daily contact i’ve had enough, it hurt me. So we talked on the phone the other night (like we did most of the times) and I told him I was done. He couldnt give me any answers and didnt even wanted to try. I told him that for me this meant ‘no’ too, and that Im Okay with that. Im okay because I didnt give up and tried anything to make it work. Then I told him I would go my own way and didnt want contact anymore. Also that I wouldnt respond If he’d reach out to me. He said he was sorry and that he would never forget me, And respected my choice.

    A few days later he asked If he could buy the tickets for the trip we booked together a few months ago (we both paid half of the price), If I wasnt going to use them myself anymore. I didnt reply yet. The next day he asked If I was going to answer him. I told him briefly that I wanted to use the ticket myself and that I would transfer his money by the end of the month. Nothing more Nothing less. I thought he had the right to get his part of the money And therefore answered. He told me that I was right using the ticket myself and that I should enjoy and have fun and that there was no need for me to transfer the money. I didnt answer.

    Did I mess up the no contact initiation? And did I break no contact by answering? Because I didnt hear from him for a week now after his last text.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 15, 2018 at 12:16 pm

      HI E,

      you didn’t break it when you answered him because it was only about the tickets but what lessened your chances is telling him at the start that you’re not going to answer him… but right now, just focus in improving yourself and being active in posting.

  4. Hanna

    November 23, 2017 at 8:45 pm

    I am in nearly the same situation:

    Was in NC after LDR break up, we broke the NC after only 4 days, since then we have amazing talks, even talk about future, but he still won’t commit (since he doesn’t feel it and wants to find a job first, and I am not easy to handle- then the it’s me not you game too).

    Now he even blew kisses to me. We agreed to not talk for the weekend now, to take it slow, but to go back into no Contact, should I announce it?

    He also is someone with big trauma from childhood, that’s why if he is miserable, he doesn’t move because he is too afraid to get hurt (he told me some days ago with tears in his eyes, that he cannot trust anyone and is afraid to open up, because it hurts. Our split up hurt him and repeating again would hurt more.)

    So what can I do, does this apply also?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 24, 2017 at 11:26 am

      Hi,
      You have to tell him being friends is not workable for you right now and then thank him for everything and then start 30 days nc..dont tell him you’re doing nc..

  5. Anonymous

    November 9, 2017 at 5:06 am

    Yeah I’m working to improve myself, but probably there’s some other girl, maybe for a rebound relationship, i feel so because i just noticed he has deleted the posts from his Facebook timeline which I’ve tagged im into, romantic posts. Now im wondering is it because he’s angry on me or maybe he don’t want someone new to see it & also he hid his friend’s list on Facebook so that no one can see it (he updated the privacy). Is he behind someone else as he’s using WhatsApp a lot too?
    I tired the NC rule before but ended up breaking it as he said he wants to get back to me, we got together on 18th day of NC. But after few days, things were same n we argued over something n broke up. Both were angry at that time.
    I’m doing Nc for 30 days this time. Please help me, is there any chance he’s trying to be in a new relationship, probably rebound?
    PS: I’ve read ur article about rebound relationship already.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 12, 2017 at 8:31 pm

      if he’s trying to do that, then so be it.. what matter is what you can control.. if he sees your posts, or you in person or talks to you in text or in person, would he regret not being with you again because you look and sound great?

  6. Anonymous

    November 8, 2017 at 1:49 pm

    So im on day 7 of my NC period. It’s our second breakup, that too over the phone, via texts.
    So here’s my question , when we guys were together he wasn’t that much into social media but as we broke up, I’ve noticed he’s active, a lot, on Facebook. What could be the reason? Is there some other girl or he’s just trying to divert his mind? I don’t think it’s some other girl but then you never know! Please help!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 8, 2017 at 10:11 pm

      Hi Anonymous,

      he’s probably trying to divert his mind.. you should be active in improving yourself and in posting.

  7. Chanelle

    September 23, 2017 at 11:49 pm

    Hi Team,

    My boyfriend and I just broke up last night. I broke up with him because he can’t express his feelings and is always so neautral on the surface even though he’s told me before he loves me deeply but can’t express it because it’s hard. I broke up with him over text stupidly thinking that he would stop me and I would get a reaction out of him. He got upset but even after I broke up with him and we called he said “you broke up with me, clearly this is how you truly felt” even though I told him I didn’t mean it and thought he was going to stop me. We’ve dated for half a year and are long distance. I was supposed to visit him next month.

    He still wants to continue talking to me because he said he still loves me and he even ended the phone call with I love you. I told him that I was going to cut contact with him off for good but he got hurt and said he didn’t want to do that. He wants to keep talking to me as though we’re dating but doesn’t want to date. He wants me to still visit him next month which is exactly in 4 weeks. We have two months before I won’t be able to visit him anymore (we had plans to live together next year August). I’m afraid of doing the no contact rule and turning him off and ruining my chances of seeing him in person as well as making him think I’m no longer interested or love him what should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 28, 2017 at 7:38 pm

  8. Bey

    September 11, 2017 at 3:00 am

    So I’ve been dating this guy (it’s been about a year and a half) on and off. When we first started talking, I didn’t really like him that much and we eventually stopped talking after a few months. A couple of months later, he reached out to me again and we went out a couple of times again but we just sort of fell out. After a few months (earlier this year) we started talking again but he made it a point to tell me that he wasn’t going to be talking to anyone else and that he was just going to focus on me. I still didn’t really like him that much but I continued to talk to him and I grew to like him even more. He used to ask me to be his gf but I always refused since I didn’t like him, but after I started to, he didn’t ask me anymore so I asked him why and he said that after some thought he realized he wasn’t ready for a relationship yet because it takes a lot of work. I was a little frustrated by that but I tried not to push the issue so we were just really exclusively dating but after a couple of months, I wanted a little more because I felt like it was just an excuse to not be official (he wanted me to meet his cousin and introduced me to his parents and sister via FaceTime) and I thought were doing all the things that a relationship pretty much involves so why not be official so I told him that I would give him time but eventually if we didn’t move forward I would start talking to other people and he asked me to be in one about a week later. Well we lasted about a month before he called me and told me that he didn’t want to necessarily break up but he wanted to “postpone” the relationship because he doesn’t want the relationship to crash and burn if he’s not fully being committed because he wanted to focus on his family time and his job but he also felt like I liked him more than he liked me and he doesn’t want me to get too invested and it doesn’t work out. So I said that was fine but the next day, I see him on snapchat at a party and his ex (who he was with for 5 years and engaged to) was there. That wasn’t a problem to me since I know they have the same group of friends but I didn’t like that she was so comfortable to grab his phone and post herself on there like it wasn’t a problem. I asked him about it and he said that she just took his phone and that he didn’t know she posted it and he deleted the snaps. I was starting to think that he “broke up” with me because he knew she was coming back in town but he said he didn’t know. He also said that they had tried getting back together before but it didn’t work out and that was over a year ago before I came in the picture. He hasn’t lied to me before but I find it really confusing on what to do because he’s not really an emotional person and idk how to read him. I don’t know if he’s subtly telling me to move on or if he actually wants to focus on work. He’s even said how he would understand if I wanted to talk to other people but he wasn’t going to just because he doesn’t have time. I’m not sure what I should do. I don’t want to wait for him but I also don’t want to talk to other people if there is a chance that’d we’d be back together. Should I just give up or start with no contact?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 14, 2017 at 1:02 pm

      Hi Bey,

      Have you done nc? If yes how many? If no, try it first and do at least 30 days

  9. Lisa

    July 17, 2017 at 7:43 pm

    I broke up with my ex 5 days ago, today is his birthday and I accidentally Facetimed him (an honest to God accident). I clicked after 1 sec, but it obviously went through. He called back, but I didn’t answer. How does this affect the no contact rule?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 18, 2017 at 9:29 pm

      Hi Lisa,

      That means you have to restart the count.

  10. Shorty

    July 10, 2017 at 7:26 pm

    My fiancé just broke up with me and wouldn’t tell me why. He just kept saying ‘I gtg’. But the last conversation we had a few days ago he said he loves me and admitted he loves me a lot, and said he’s a lil afraid to lose me. I don’t understand can you help?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 14, 2017 at 9:07 am

      How many times have you broken up?

  11. Melissa

    July 8, 2017 at 2:57 pm

    Hello I have a question my situation is a little different. I’ve been dating a guy for 10 months. He doesn’t want to be exclusive. I’ve done the no contact rule several times previously and broke it. He now says that he keeping his options open and still wants to be fwb with me. I’m so confused right now, but I can’t continue to play the back up person for him. So will no contact work if I stick to it, or is it a waste of time?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 9, 2017 at 7:24 pm

      How many times have you done it? Because the more you do it, the less chances of it helping you

  12. Sally

    June 26, 2017 at 6:28 am

    Hi Team,
    You may remember a post I sent before but I’m back to square 1 and need your help.
    So a while ago my partner dumped me. I went straight into no contact and did so well, improving myself along the way. However, there was a work outing and he came and spoke to me which then ruined the whole thing for me and I tricked myself into thinking that it was now time to start contacting him. What a mistake!
    So for a couple of weeks I sent the type of texts you recommend and it looked like it was working until he brought up something I said to someone else about him. He did not like it and has caused a rift once again. We have spoken and he has said that due to a few key factors he does not see us getting back together. These key factors weren’t an issue at a start. They are age (19 years apart) and religion (although I am now on his wavelength he doesn’t feel comfortable about my family).
    I am hoping that the fact we were together for 2 years goes in my favour. Would he really put up with me for that long if he didn’t like me? I have noticed things that he would overlook now started to irritate him. However he still incredibly loving and caring. He continues to talk and loves the attention.
    So do I stand a chance if I already had a go at no contact and failed? Last time we split I did everything you shouldn’t and managed to get him back. But I want to show I’ve matured and respect his wishes.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 29, 2017 at 6:56 am

      Restart nc.. And stick to it this time..if it doesn’t work, then at least you can move on after doing what you can

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