Exactly How To Use Text Messages To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back

2,742 thoughts on “How To Use Text Messages To Get Your Ex Back”

Rosie

January 22, 2014 at 10:52 am

Hey Chris,

LOVE this article :). I have a question regarding NC. My ex and I have a 1 year old daughter together. I started NC but he broke it at around day 10 asking for a photo of our baby so I sent him one but didnt engage on conversation like I usually do. Then he broke it again at day 16 calling me asking to spend time and take our daughter and I out but we were sick so I said no and we would have to do it next time he is home (he is working away at the moment). He was disappointed and he tried hard to see us but we ended the convo on a positive note. He asked a lot of questions abouts life and how I was and what I had been up to and even remembered to ask me about something that was important to me that he knew about on his previous visit a few weeks earlier. He told me how much he appreciates me and all I do with our daughter and he loves the connection we have together and with her.

Anyway after that convo I decided to started NC again. I broke no contact at day 17 in regards to the fact that I noticed his child support money hadn’t came through. I worded it light hearted and friendly and I explained that it was no problem as I don’t usually need the money but her pram broke so I needed to use the money to put towards a new one. It turned out the money went through after all and it was a bank error so I told him that and thanked him and told him I was grateful for all of his help. He never replied but it wasn’t the kind of text that warranted a reply.

So my question is: Do I start NC again from this date or wait until 30 days are up and send the break the ice text?

admin

January 22, 2014 at 6:10 pm

If there are kids involved you may have to amend NC a little bit.
Rosie

January 22, 2014 at 11:49 pm

Ok so what my game plan now tho. How long do I wait to send him the first contact text?

Do option 1: I wait 30 days from my last text which was now 5 days ago so that means wait 25 days or Option 2: Send the first contact text in 10 days (which would be the first NC period I started from the last time we spoke on the phone)?

Amy

January 20, 2014 at 3:48 pm

Hey

I was with my ex for 7 months and then we had a massive argument and he broke up with me. His reason was my anxiety and jealousy got to me even though I was receiving help shortly for it. I am not going to lie it’s been less than a week and I am heartbroken. All I do is think about him. I practically begged him down the phone. I tried arguing but obviously nothing is working. He made it clear he doesn’t want to speak to me because it will “help me” so I stopped contacting him.

It seems he’s not bothered about me, wouldn’t care if I contacted him. In fact it feels like it would make his life easier.

I do want him back but will this no contact rule work for me? Or will it just make him forget about me?

Thanks
Amy

admin

January 20, 2014 at 7:55 pm

I think it can work for you.

Amanda

January 19, 2014 at 7:06 pm

Hi!

I understand the no contact rule, and I am on day 24 of no contact, during this time he hasn’t tried to contact me either. When we broke up he said he just needed space and for the first month I didn’t give it to him, every few days I would message him resulting in me pushing him away further. Now that I am reaching the end of NC I am wondering if these text messages will still work because I have already pushed him away after we broke up, is there still a chance after my 30 days are up or did I screw it up completely by messaging him the first month after the break up?
Danielle

January 18, 2014 at 4:32 pm

Hey so me and him have dated twice we dated all summer then broke up in august then we got back together in December for like two weeks after we didn’t talk very much in months then we stopped talking for a few weeks and he wanted to talk again but I ingored him and he went and started dating his new girlfriend I think they have been together for a month or so now :/ well one night I was having family issues and he use to always help me with that stuff and I told him and he called as soon as he could to help me. Then we become friends and things went out of control from there:/ he told me he still loved me but didn’t know what to do anymore..he just wanted something normal in his life again since he was so use to me and him (his words not mine) then we started hanging out more and flirted some then I had to open my mouth about wanting to talk about our relationship and that ended with him getting mad saying it was the wrong time to talk about it and that was the end of the flirting and everything. We still talk but he mostly ingornes me which hurts a lot and he has only asked me to hang out like once. The other day I sent him the wrong text because well I am talking to another guy Ido like this other guy but I know where my heart has belonged for the last like 3 years now and he flipped on me about it and then I said sorry then after he calmed down i joked with him saying someone is jealous because he always jokes about me getting jealous and he’s like I’m not mad or jealous I was laughing and that’s not true he told me bye and stuff and now he ingornes me a lot only when he wants to talk and we does we do for hours and he always wants me to sit by him at school even if he didn’t tell me to he gets upset when I don’t….idk what to anymore and here in February he’s graduating and then in July he’s going off to the army please help I love him he was my first my love and everything and now I feel like he doesn’t care anymore:/
Mich

January 18, 2014 at 4:00 am

What if he says he’s not in love with you and doesn’t give you a reason? Will the texting technique still work?

admin

January 19, 2014 at 11:17 pm

They should.

Sarah

January 17, 2014 at 7:43 pm

Okay so me and my ex-boyfriend have been together for almost a year we broke up and it was pretty suddenly flipped to our entire relationship and he asked me to move out and he said it wasn’t working it was the weirdest break of that ever had we both cried together and everything like that we’ve still been talking he is three kids who I absolutely adore I miss them all the time and still texting and talking about the kids. His birthday was yesterday and I asked if I could take him out for his birthday I’m he’s 10 years older than me so it’s a little different he’s just turned 34 and I’m 24 made a great time I spend the night at his house I’m but my question is is and I making a mistake by still sleeping with him and still talking to him ever going to get back together or my wasting my time but I do to get back with him being a relationship with him and have an love me again?

admin

January 20, 2014 at 12:17 am

Have you read this: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/the-definitive-guide-to-making-your-ex-boyfriend-love-you-again/

Emily

January 17, 2014 at 8:10 am

Hey Chris,
Me and my ex were together for almost 2 years. We were bestfriends before we dated. Our relationship was great up until about 2 months ago when people started making accusations that I was cheating on him. I have never cheated nor will ever cheat on him. He got scared and broke up with me. And started talking to a girl 3 days later who he liked while we were friends. I did the NC and he came back. When he finally realized that the rumors were false, he asked me out again. That was a week ago. He sends me a message on Sunday saying it’s over. Out of respect for his mother he is leaving. And he is blocking me. I find out from his brother that their mom says if he was with me and wanted to get married, he wouldn’t have her blessing. And him being Christian, that’s a big deal. But now he is talking to the girl who he did before. What do I do. Is there no hope? Is she a rebound or is it sincere? I want him happy. I just don’t want to hurt anymore not knowing anything.
Stacie

January 16, 2014 at 12:00 am

the only problem to this is that if I text him first that means he wins his that type of person like if I was the one to text him first he would automatically think his in

admin

January 16, 2014 at 5:48 pm

Yes… BUT if you end the conversation first then he will freak out.

sue

January 15, 2014 at 3:24 pm

HELP ive been seeing ben 9weeks or so now my facebook account has been hacked and some messages have been sent he thinks ive done it and wont believe me ,we get on so well talk everyday now he wont talk has deleted me of fb wat can i do to get him back .
aakanksha_singh

January 15, 2014 at 3:08 pm

my guy broke up with me yesterday :'( he said I was annoying and he went fed up of me.but the time we were together he was really awesome to me :'( I can’t forget him ever :'( we had 18 month of relationship :'( he blocked me from everywhere possible.would this NC rule work for me?please help me out.I just want to be happy like before.
Annie

January 15, 2014 at 9:36 am

I’m just curious as to what I should do..

So I was dating this guy for about 4 months and we use to text/chat all day, everyday and I saw him 3-4 times a week. I have been in a much longer relationship before but somehow this relationship spoke to me on a whole new level. We got along great, he seemed to really like me and everything was fine until december when he told me he was going to visit his best friend in Florida. We got into a little argument over the fact he was leaving so suddenly (he didn’t mention going until the day before he left and yet a few days before he told me he made all these plans to spend our holiday together). Anyways, while he was in florida I didn’t speak to him until a week later when he messaged me, telling me he missed me. We continued to message each other until he came back on christmas eve. Even though he told me he wanted to see me, i could sense his texts were strange and a bit “cold” once he got home. And then after boxing day he started ignoring and not replying to me anymore. Of course I did the stupid thing and messaged him a few times at first because i thought he was just busy but then I eventually smarten up and figured he was ignoring me on purpose (after talking to someone everyday, you kind of know how often they check their phones and whatnot).
I ended up not texting him until after new years, requesting him to meet up so I can get my stuff back if infact it is really over (it was a pillow and some bedsheets. i couldnt stand the idea of another girl using and sleeping them. i had other stuff at his place too but I didnt want them back). He actually replied back to me but didn’t address whether we were over. I saw him last wednesday to get my stuff. Originally I wasn’t going to say a word to him to show that I don’t give a crap, even though i do, but because he had never officially said it was over, I felt he owed me that much… so I calmly asked him if it was. At first he hesitated and then after staring at me, for what seemed like forever but was probably more like 5-10 secs, he said um yea. and when i asked him why he couldnt just be straight about it, he stared at me again and said im not sure with a shrug. I could feel myself getting emotional, so I just said whatever and walked away without even saying my piece. So once again, stupidly enough because I was heartbroken, I actually wrote him a final text message saying that I really did like him and I thought he did too but now I’m not sure if he was just playing me the whole time… and that he could have been more mature about the break up instead of avoiding me but I guess it showed his true colours. I don’t think I wrote the text in an anger manner, if anything i think i was just trying to make sense of the situation. I even wished him an early happy birthday since its actually today (i wrote the text a week ago).
but since im on this website, clearly i still want him back. So while I’ve been doing the NC thing for the past week, his friend told me my ex went back to Florida this weekend and they suspect it was for a girl. They think he had met the new girl during the last couple of days while he was there in december but they didn’t even hook up until this weekend.
What im curious about is if I still have a chance to get him back? We both live in Vancouver, Canada and his new girl lives in Florida so they would be entering into a long distance relationship. And since I sent him those texts telling him how i feel, i feel like he has the upper hand now. What am I suppose to do after the 30 day NC? I’m not sure if texting him would be a good idea again and he’s not really a social media kind of guy either so thats out of the question. Will he actually miss me and want to get back together or is it really over?
Monica

January 14, 2014 at 6:01 am

Grrrr. So the ex unblocked me from Facebook (like you said he would in your guide, go ahead with the “I told you so”)! And I found this out because I decided to creep his page and I’ve found out that he recently lost his phone. SO. My question is, because knowing my ex he won’t be getting a new one for a while, I know I’m going to have to use Facebook at this point for the initial contact (in about a week and a half once NC is up) but…. Like…. What do i say? Haha

A) Should I acknowledge that I was aware he lost his phone before anything?
B) should I still try to do the confession into the ‘reminded me of you’ text?

Le sigh. Thanks, Chris.

admin

January 14, 2014 at 5:56 pm

A. Maybe later down the road.
B. Just do the remind me of you text.

Daisy

January 14, 2014 at 12:55 am

Okay so I was with my boyfriend officially for almost 7 months but we talked for almost a year all together. He was my first everything and as much I would like to not want him anymore there will always be a part of me that does. Our relationship was great I practically lived at his house, his family loved me (still does, his mom still talks to me)! But to shorten this up, we had a great relationship except for his ex girlfriend always causing drama in our relationship and it was okay till around 6 months, and then he broke it off with me. I was completely heart broken then he felt bad we got back together but then kept fighting so I broke it off but it was just a matter of time before he did it anyways. But there was so much drama after our breakup months and months of arguments and long drawn out fights. Then we decided it was better not to talk. Since then his ex girlfriend that had caused all the drama are back together it’s been around 7 months we’ve been broken up but he try’s to talk to me, he tried to invite himself to a party I was hosting knowing his current girlfriend didn’t want him there, I go watch his aunts kids he comes over we’re nice and say hi when we see each other, but I’ve told him previously when he asked that I didn’t hate him but I didn’t want to be friends. And now it’s been awhile since we talked a month or two….so I was reading your article about the first text and one wanted to send a picture of a card he gave me for a b-day I found cleaning saying: “Wow just found this in my room, actually made me smile.” Is that good or too much?
Lu

January 13, 2014 at 8:15 pm

Hi chris… Coming to the end on my NC period (got a week to go) getting a bit nervous now!
I’ve not heard anything from him… Although he liked one of my status’s on face book a day or 2 ago :-/

I’m all for the ‘happy memories’ 1st txt….. But in all honesty I still feel pretty emotional and shaky still… Don’t wanna mess it up by saying the wrong thing.
Would it be safe to leave it a little longer to send 1st MSG when I feel a bit more confident with what I say?

Wanna say something but honestly I’m bricking it!… Another week or 2 would that make a difference to the situation?

Thanks in advance Chris

admin

January 14, 2014 at 5:37 pm

It could make a difference but not a huge one.

mo

January 12, 2014 at 1:46 pm

So ladies, I’ve started ignoring my ex for the past few days, and he decided to hit me up yesterday on fb, he commented on my status, sent a message, liked some pics I posted, if you are on fb try not to update your status as much so it will keep your ex guessing a lot or try not update at all and just update pics every once in awhile
Chandie

January 12, 2014 at 9:02 am

I broke up with him. We haven’t date long, but he was my first. It’s been 5 months now and we haven’t talked except for the littlest of small talk that happens when we pass by each other on campus. 5 months ago we were going to go on a break because he was in a bad place but I decided otherwise. I had reasons to break up with him because I was in a bad place too, but I was growing increasingly insecure and felt like i was losing my sense of self because i didn’t know where I stood in the relationship and ultimately felt rejected when he proposed going on a break. I feel much stronger now though and I want him back! Those times where he initiated the small talk, I have to admit that I wasn’t the friendliest and acted very standoffish because I was still hurting and intimidated by how close he is with all his attractive female friends (*social media). Do you think it is okay to text him? I need to figure out for myself if he still cares about me. I don’t want to outright ask him, but maybe see if he wants to hang out and improvise from there.

admin

January 12, 2014 at 6:23 pm

If you have finished NC it is.
Chandie

January 12, 2014 at 9:19 pm

Thank you!

monica

January 12, 2014 at 1:19 am

Sorry I know it’s not related to the post I got confused.
monica

January 12, 2014 at 1:15 am

Hye

I’m gonna read everything on this page, maybe someone has a similar case, but for now I can’t find anything that resembles my situation.
I’ll try to summarize. I cheated on my ex at the of April. We had a long distance relationship and I was in a place when I needed him constantly, I was jobless, and in general lacking perspectives, putting on weight due to compulsive eating, facing sleep disorders and depressions. We were exclusive and he was an angel, but he used to introduce me as his friend, not girlfriend and sometimes his friends came first and as I said I needed him to always be there. Also, when we would go out with friends, he used to have too many drinks, and fill my cup at the same time so we both ended up quite drunk, and he also took reacrational drugs when his friends offered him. His friends were mostly artists and I didn;t feel included so I used to start to mingle and talk to other people and when he d finally notice I ;m not around he used to get jealous and make me cry, it’s like he has turned into someone else. When we were just the two of us we were moderate in drinking and no drugs. After a couple of scences, I got distant and started going out with other guys just for fun, no sex junt flirting, but one night things got out of hand when I went out with a guy who suggested we d try sometingh my ex wouldn’t do. And I slipped. He checked my phone once I went to visit him, but told me only a week or two after that he had seen the messages. I denyed , said it was a flirt and he got it wrong, taking advantage of the language gap etc. He said he still loves me but that I was terrible, with the lies and he’s heartbroken. We didn t speak until August, we got together, we went to a nice hotel, spent a day in the countryside, my house, his house, lazy afternoons. And we talked, and I realized I want him back and i got very persistent, and he became distant and that was that. We saw eachother again on Christamas eve, he spent the night at my place and a couple of days after he suggested we go to his countryside because he wants to test his camera and needs a model. It was great. but no sign from him whatsoever. He dated someone in october but it’s over and now his provate life is a bit unclear, he’s seeing someone but it’s not at all serious as he states. Is he using me for sex? or what is going on?
Amanda

January 11, 2014 at 5:32 pm

Hi!
So me and my ex dated for almost 4 years, we always had a great relationship,we were close with each others families and everything. Alot of people would tell us that we were the perfect couple. We are 21 years old so we are high school sweethearts I guess you could say. Almsot two months ago out of the blue he broke it off saying he needed space but he could see himself marrying me and it doesn’t mean it’s forever. Of course I was really upset and never gave him the space he wanted. The longest I would go without messaging would be 3 days. I regret not giving him the space now but it was just so hard to do, this went on for about a month. In the beginning he would respond and be nice and explain how he needed space but still loves me, towards the end of the month he started becoming very cold telling me to move on and delete his number. I now see that messaging him had pushed him away much further. I have started no contact and it has been a little over two weeks of no contact. At this point I feel that I have driven him away completley nd that there is no hope for us. Do you think if I wait 30 days then send him a message that there may still be hope for us?
michelle

January 11, 2014 at 4:13 pm

I know you said we have to go into NC to give him & ourselves time but how do we deal with the fact that we cheated?
I am starting to understand now that he had plenty reason to break up with me, & all I want to do is call him & ask for forgiveness but I can’t.
How do we cope with having to do NC while we can’t gain their forgiveness?