Using Male Psychology To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back- The Complete Guide

508 thoughts on “Using Male Psychology To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back”

HelpMe

March 25, 2016 at 9:22 pm

Hey Chris,

Post-break up there’s this bitter seed that has been planted in my ex’s heart. He was literally the nicest guy around, and now he has gained such an ego that it’s shocking! Since I have never ever seen this side of him(even though I’ve known him for 6 years) I really don’t know how to approach him.
After the break up he has literally told me at my face that he feels he deserves better. And after I completed NCR, he started replying yes..but it’s very very neutral. Bare minimum. Only responds to what I say.
I really don’t know what to expect since I’ve never seen this side of him..so how do I approach him when I feel like he is a totally different person? I still want him back, and I’m Willing to do anything!

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 2, 2016 at 1:52 pm

Hi,

Sorry for the late reply. I read all your previous comments too. It looks like it’s because he knows you want him back and now you’re the one chasing him.. It would really take time after that because until he sees you’ve actually moved on, the he doesn’t think you’re trying to get him back, then that can increase the chances of him getting attracted to you again. Especially if you have already learned to love yourself and have your own life..

Akky

February 12, 2016 at 4:47 pm

Hey Chris,

My guy is CP. He loves me cares for me, but when we talked about where the relationship is going, he told me he cant marry me.

He said we are done. I have successfully used NC and he has asked me more than twoce to meet up- but I know these meetings will be jist like usial, n he still wont commit.

How do i attract him that much that he finally realizes(and not too late, ayou say) he loves me and wants me? How do I behave when I meet him? I read your 1 2 1 2 theory, how do I implement something like that?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 13, 2016 at 11:52 am

Why not make it different this time.. Go to a different place, do something different but don’t be intimate.. It’s like being in a first date again..

It’s like being the ungettable girl but also letting him work for you through this dates.. you can go out but he can’t be intimate until you know he commits.. do a little jealousy tactic by going out with other guys, to let him know that you’re not just there waiting and going from one date to another with him

Kaykay

December 24, 2015 at 3:21 am

Hi Chris. I have read many of your arcitcles and will be getting your guide too. I just was hoping for some feedback. I was dating this guy for 6 months. He told me all time that he loved me and that I was the best thing to ever happen to him. I was very happy with him and didn’t see or sense anything out of the ordinary with our relaionship. One day in the afternoon while I was at work I got the message. I can’t do this anymore. And mind you just that morning I had gotten my good morning babe. I love you message. He hasn’t talked to me since. I did ask if we could talk about things and no response. He blocked me on Facebook even. However he is still friends with my mom and some of my friends. Same goes for his family still being my friends on Facebook. Any thoughts or hell would be greatly appreciated. Im very confused and hurt and blindsided. I would love to get my ex back more than anything. Thank you.
Jess

December 8, 2015 at 5:05 am

Hey Chris,
Fantastic article, I’ve read so many of them over the last year since my break up, and ra funny they really hold so much truth to them. I obsessed as cried and chased for months, after I entered into no contact for 30 days he contacted me the 30th day. I fell back into being clingy and too dependent on him and he ghosted again, so I reentered no contact, kept on moving and doing my thing and ope back again for me. Men are for sure complicated creatures, more so than women I would say, but your articles really are insightful and are entertaining as well, thanks much and keep them coming 🙂
Annie

November 25, 2015 at 6:05 am

Thank you for such wonderful insight. I just have one question. When you say the ungettable girl is someone nice but unavailable, what does that mean?

Chris Seiter

December 2, 2015 at 5:49 am

It means if you see him out in public you don’t ignore him. You just smile and be kind but continue no contact.

ISHWARYA

November 21, 2015 at 11:55 am

Hello Chris! Loved what you’ve written. my ex boyfriend is exactly the super commited type. before the relationship he was surely chasing me like crazy and i had rejected as i liked someone else, drove him crazy. few months later i did get into a realtionship with him, like you said, boosted up his ego and then fights happened as he didnt bother talking to me much nd taking me out. soon after that i sent him this big paragraph where i told him i regretted getting into a realtionship with him and told me he was hurting me the way my ex did. i crushed him so much he broke up with me nd i realised i made a big mistake.. he literally hates me so much but ive tried my best to get him back for almost two months, he tells hes ready to be friends but he wouldnt ever get into a realtionship with me for saying that.. i love him so much, we were bestfriends before we dated . friends for a year and lovers for 8 months. help me!
Tess

November 17, 2015 at 12:44 pm

Hi Chris!

Thank u for a great blog about the mind of the man 😉
My ex boyfriend left me 4 months ago. The reason was too much fighting and I was a bit of a drama queen. (And it was a LDR)

Since then we’ve been talking/texting just 3-4 times. Then I decided to do the NC and sent him a text after 24 days. Then he suddenly called me and we had a long talk (with much laughter and nice/fun memories).
He asked me if I wanted to meet him some day. (We live in two different countries, so it’s not as easy as just meet at the corner cafe..) I said that it would be nice. After that phone call he has been silent (as have I) – no texts, no calls.. Nothing.. Why would he ask me to meet up, and then just turn silent again? What do you think?

Should I be the one “making the next move”?
thelast8yearsandmovingon

November 8, 2015 at 2:38 am

Dear Chris,

Thank You, you wrote a great article and it has helped and guide me and given me a realisation, especially the last part of Men realising when it is too late, It is true. We women are human and also get fed up and wake up, and ask ourselves, is it worth it, we’ve done everything we could to make it work. Many Thanks! This is such a great guide when you’re healing and wanting to know where to go next. Can I recommend this site on my blog? Or can I recommend your other materials?

Thanks

THELAST8YEARSANDMOVINGON

November 27, 2015 at 12:20 am

Dear Chris,

You’re very much welcome. You’ve given me insight on so many things with my ex. I did do the no contact rule, and so far yes he’s been coming back. What’s a little complicated now is he’s the one that is spiralling and now is on a rebound that relationship for a month now or so, A few weeks fooling around with 2 or three girls then he ends up maybe on a rebound with a very young girl that is my opposite. She’s really literally dumb with no direction and just follows him like a crazed fan. My ex and I are not together, but we’ve started to become friends like we were before we dated but he still looks for the intelligent conversations with me. I admit I do still love him, and I noticed a big change in the air, like he’s not angry at me anymore all the time, says sorry and he gives me so much attention checking how I am. One thing’s funny is we’re getting a long really nicely and he does not seem to be the narcissist that he is. He’s supportive with my career. What helped with the no contact rule, is I worked on my career and am now doing great and I even left the country for it for a really good position. With that it’s like he sees me more with respect. An instance though is why I noticed he was spiralling, is he lied to me about having a good job, though my friends revealed it wasn’t good and then he rebounds with a girl that has no career in life. He though mentions to me that the girl is so jealous of me when he talks about me to her. It confuses me though to. I don’t want to spoil anything, but I don’t want to be frank with him and say he’s dating a train wreck and it’s not jealousy speaking cause all his friends say the same that she’s ridiculous and it’s a complete downgrade? I saw her social media and she seems crazy and she professes her love to him like ” i will love you for the rest of myeline and also I see all my friends getting married and I want that with you.” Which my ex, well he proposed sort of before we broke up but I had to be smart and think cause he was not ready in all matters, so that’s why he just left and got so angry and sort of hated me. I worry still about him, even if we end up together or not, cause I want what’s best for him of course, but this kid clearly isn’t. I did casually ask him about it, if he loved her, he laughed and just said I care for her like he was allergic to the word love. He tells my friends though he loves me and will always love me. I’m really not sure if I’m somewhere with him and just seeing how it’ll go. I also started meeting people not to close my doors to him, when he found out that’s where I saw a backlash for day that also was the same time he blurts out that he was dating the young girl. It pretty felt like he wanted to throw back to my face, well I’m dating. Then back to the nice guy and apology the next day, looking for me, making sure he messaged me everyday and talked. So I’m at that impasse now, are we going somewhere still? His signs confuse me, but the big change of him being more attentive and being more caring and very much like he’s making an effort to keep me is there?
So what do you think? Cause I’m pretty confused too, though I keep it and not obvious about it.
Chris Seiter

November 18, 2015 at 2:13 am

Hey!! Thank you so much for the positive feedback. I’d love to be featured on your blog! That’s a real honor. I loved it when people find value in my site and write about it on the internet. Feel free to link to any of the articles.

Is there anything I can help you with?

Pihu

September 22, 2015 at 4:06 pm

Dear Chris,

I was really elated to be heading back to my ex boyfriend, till i read this article. When I finished the part about types of men, I felt a knot in my stomach because I guess my ex was a little commitment phobe and bad guy. Although, he never did anything bad to me, it was just that he has this reputation of being selfish and uncaring. Our relationship did have points where he left me on my own and I hated him for that.
A lot of time has passed and I have met him after 3 years. Do you think I should risk it again? Or is it better to just move on?
Denise

September 12, 2015 at 10:24 pm

Thank you for taking the time to put this article together. This article made me think… I spent the past few weeks jumping in and out of no contact and obsessively texting him ways we can make it work, which he doesn’t want. He mentioned he does not want a relationship and most recently he mentioned he is not the one for me and vise versa. He would be a mix of a commitment phobe and man who really desires marriage and one child. I picked up on this by reflecting on our previous conversations. I did not see that he was this type while dating him and had no clue what to do about it. Ideally I would like to be on speaking terms (he has me blocked from iPhone and Facebook). How do I establish a strong enough connection with him through his college years as the ungettable girl? I was needy and overwhelmed him with all the the things I needed him to do for me like gas, groceries, ect, which really caused him to split. I was not in a good place financially as my two jobs weren’t making ends meet. Since then I graduated college and have a new career with a second job that is just a good source of fun money. I am financially strong and will be getting my very own place in a few months. My two jobs naturally fell within a ten minute approximation from his house and in a few months I will be ten to fifteen minutes away permanently.
Sarah

September 7, 2015 at 7:40 pm

Omg chris, I love you!! Are you single?!

Chris Seiter

September 12, 2015 at 2:04 am

Hello Sarah,

I am a married man who just had a baby.

Vic

August 12, 2015 at 6:06 pm

Hi,
My boyfriend and I broke up 7 months ago, we had been together for 2 years, and the basics of our story is that although we loved each other so much, he needed to grow up (he is three years younger than me), he needed to figure out what is actually important and take responsibility as I was carrying him. My boyfriend is very loving, kind and just a beautiful person however he is lost, he says one thing but does another. He has an idea in his head of who he is but isn’t necessary it, I loved him for it but as you can imagine at times frustrating not just for me but for us as a relationship.
Anyway I didn’t mind carrying him at times as he setting up his own business and of course I want to support him but he also wasn’t helping himself, although he was invested in setting up this business he wasn’t at the same time because he was still a big party boy, which everyone needs a bit of but I shouldn’t be financially helping him if he is happy to blow his own funds on parting. I told him how I felt that a relationship is a balance and that I felt he was just taking. We tried to make it work which it did for a while but we broke up, him asking if we can go on a break, but to me a break is a break-up, (it did not go down-well).
We didn’t speak for weeks and then he contacted me asking to meet up saying I was right that he needed to get a grip, we tried to make things work but then all these stories and gossip came out of the wood work that he was not faithful. I didn’t know what to think, I wanted to believe him and tried but he kept played the victim card and called me immature and took it out on me, which I didn’t get. Anyway I said I couldn’t do it and didn’t speak to him months. It was so hard, cried all the time but I worked on myself, started running, had holidays etc, in the meantime I know he was sleeping around doing drugs etc, which I expected. He heard through the gossip vine as normal that I was seeing someone else which wasn’t true (I told him this) and he messaged me angrily. I offered to meet to be open and honest which he wanted to. I then get a load of drunken texts saying how much he missed me and that he now fully understands and appreciates how much I supported him etc but when it came to arranging to meet he was not making an effort then said he cant be friends with me. Now throughout the whole break up I was calm and in-control however maybe this was an error but I did get angry, pointed out that he wanted to break and he was the one wanting to meet, and that he never considered how I maybe feeling at all throughout the break or the gossip of cheating, and that he was playing the victim when I have tried to be understanding etc while protecting myself.
I don’t know what is going on, i’m not sure what to do.
Christie

July 22, 2015 at 7:13 am

So me and my boyfriend have been in a relationship for 8 months. We’ve been classmates in high school and only gotten in this love thing during our senior year though he confessed his deep crush over me since the summer before Junior year. Unlike before, we now no longer see each other that often. And as he enters college I’ve notice that he’s becoming cold, and fights appeared more often lately. I also found out that he’s been keeping secrets like going out with friends or going somewhere without telling me. I just don’t get it why he keeps such secrets when he could have had just tell me those in the first place, I would let him go out anyway. He also said that he’s already tired and that he no longer knows what he really wants. Now, we haven’t been talking for almost 2 weeks. And I fear that he wants a break up. What should I do?
Jessica

May 30, 2015 at 2:33 pm

Hey chris i read everything and what great advice u gave but im in a different situation and i need help. Well ive been with my boyfriend (ex) for 3 years now, we’ve always had arguments in our relationship, but ever since i moved in with him at the age of 18, to live with him and his family, we argue like crazy. Over stupid stuff. I mean i lost count of how many times weve broken up honestly, now let me tell u a little about him, hes now 20 about to be 21, has no job, no car , doesnt know how to drive, hes a highschool drop out, and never has money to take me out and if he does its becuz of his disability check, we have a 3 month old baby together that he hardly helps me with and were living together, im not saying im perfect i have my flaws as well. My attitude. And my imperfections. U know that phrase if ur not feeling loved or getting attention from your significant other your gunna want to find it some were else, so 3 days ago i asked my guy friend to give me 25$ for something important i wanted, (my ex bf didnt know i was talking to some guy) i have no feelings towards my guy friend i just wanted the money, i ended up getting it and he found out, broke up with him and asked me “what im i not good enough? ” and i told him no your boring, never have money, and i wanna be with someone else , but i was just angry at the moment and i didn’t mean whati said, but he wont believe me and now he wants nothing to do with me he says i messed up everything all his love he had for me went back to 0, but idk whether to believe him or not bcs we always break up and he always says that but we always end up back together no more then 2 days maximum, its just hard when u have a baby in the way amd u still live with your ex and u gatta pretend it doesnt hurt you, i found out he has a dating app and idk if this means its really over? Idk whether to talk to him work things out (which i know he wont believe me bcs the trust is gone) and he always says he gives me chances but i mess it up . idk whether to forget him bt its hard when u live with him and he seems alright like hes not hurting at all. I miss him talking to me we havent spoken unless it has to do with the baby 🙁 plz help me ( im 19 btw)
Sara

May 24, 2015 at 10:32 am

So I’ll try to keep this brief, but do you have any tips for college relationships? I was dating my best friend for about 2-3 months. First moment I saw him, I knew I would fall in love with him. We became really close friends. His first college girlfriend was jealous of me. They didnt last long since she was crazy. We started dating on valentines day and emotionally got really close really fast. He said he’d never been so happy in a relationship before. Every one of our friends said we were perfect. Then school got hard. He, like me, has a problem with stress. we were moving pretty slow physically since I’m a virgin. The flame died down over spring break. After a few weeks, he broke up with me very sweetly saying he could only see me as a friend and wanted to “go back to the good times when we were just best friends”. We didn’t really follow NC because we have the same friends and campus life made it impossible. Well, at first he avoided me by hanging out with other friends. i sent a text saying i understand his feelings and think i need time for studies. We’re both pre-med. After about a month he was back to normal. had some long eye contact one night and he called me adoable a few times. Now we are on summer break. He lives far away. hes been snapchatting me friendly things randomly for the past week. Things are friendly, but arent like they used to be. I miss my best friend but I don’t know if i can go back to just friends. Being friends with him is painful. I feel my heart break a little everytime I realize things aren’t how they were. Sorry this is long. I didnt sleep because all I can do is read through your website and think about him so I’m getting loopy. Oh, and congrats on finding your soul mate! I wish you two the best(:
Treetop

May 12, 2015 at 3:29 pm

Hey Chris, I came across your site after a month of desperate search on ex-boyfriend Psycology. What immediatly struck me about your site is that, even though this is your business, you are still willing to share a generous overview plus personalised feedbacks with your audience at no extra financial gain to yourself! All other sites feed the questions then are blocked until e-book purchase so leaves one hanging and lost. In this you’ve created the fine balance of truly showing care as well as not apologising that this is your lifes’ work hence to purchase if need detailed advice.
Whenever possible I’ll be recommending your site to girlfriends who are going through the breakup trauma. You have given more than you realise and for that I’d like to show my appreciation and thankyou for your huge generosity. You seem like the real mccoy ;)…

Chris Seiter

May 13, 2015 at 12:32 pm

Wow, thanks for the super nice words!

I am actually thinking of starting a coaching service soon so I can really help more people out.

Kelly

May 6, 2015 at 3:38 pm

Hi Chris!

I’m an avid reader of your website and came across a question I needed to ask.

When you talked about ultimatums and an ex threatening to cut you out of their
life completely, you said you should shorten it to 21 days.

Well, I am currently on day 11 of NC (initiated straight away after the breakup).
On about day 9, I noticed that he began to delete and unfriend me on any
further social media we used to keep in contact that he had not already deleted
me from on the day of the breakup.

However, he has not contacted me in any way.

So my question is, if an ex doesn’t contact you and begins to remove you from
their life entirely, should you shorten NC to 21 days?

I’m assuming that his actions are the result of NC working.
Thank you!
rim

May 5, 2015 at 10:16 am

hey Chris…. really loved your blog… the issue with me is that I was in an on and off relationship.. for about 5 yrs… and we broke up 3times.. during that phase.. it’s the time when I really got bugged with this on and off thing as i started to realise that may be he is not into me as much as i am into. and I just confronted and we broke off… Like even he agreed to it… but I still miss him.. it’s 1yr and 6months that I haven spoken to him.. I miss him each and every day… what do u think
Julia

May 1, 2015 at 3:03 am

Hi Chris

Love the website.

I was seeing a guy for around four months. We had an incredible connection and would text all day every day, even on the days we’d see each other. From the beginning the timing wasn’t great and eventually I provoked a conversation in which he told me he really likes me and thinks I’m amazing but isn’t ready to be super serious, but then thinks he’s wrong to think that and wanted to know my thoughts. I said a lot of stuff and suggested we take a bit of time apart. With that I started NC and within days he messaged to tell me he’d been left completely speechless by what I’d written last and to ask how I was. I replied but never got a reply. That was three weeks ago and a few days ago I landed in the hospital in another country having an emergency surgery. I let him know because why not. The first thing he said was that if he were there he’d rush straight over to see me. He then continued to text me all day after I woke up from the anaesthetic.

I’m now waiting to see if he checks in on me. I feel like expecting a “how are you feeling when do you fly home” text is not unreasonable. But moreover, I just don’t fet it…we didn’t really gave a break up conversational. Why hasn’t he said more than he’s speechless? Why did he reach out? Why did he bother texting me all day after a month of no texts?

Would really appreciate some of your views.

Thanks Chris!
Natalie

April 27, 2015 at 4:55 pm

Hi Chris,

My boyfriend and I have had a complicated relationship. I broke up with him in December after a year, and then we started seeing each other in January, but never saying we were officially together. During this time, this other guy was talking to me and I was hanging out with him as a friend, though he wanted more; I would sometimes go hang out with him instead of my ex because he was a good friend of mine. I realized it was wrong and eventually cut him off from my life, but my ex did express to me before that he felt like a second choice, but stayed with me anyways. Eventually, last week, my ex said that he “can’t do a relationship. I need time and space to focus on myself and you should do the same, and try to move on.” My ex is definitely the over committed type, and gets jealous easily and is very sensitive. I regret ever talking to this other guy, and I did cut off all ties to him, but I don’t know if my ex views this as cheating, even though we never did anything. I apologized to my ex and told him I promise I’ll never hurt him again, that I loved him and it was always him, etc (yes I know, desperate but I learned from my mistake). I love him so much and want him back beyond words; me breaking up with him was a rash decision and I see a future with him. I’m on day 9 of NC but I’m at a loss of what to do, especially since he is ignoring me as well. Please, please, please help. Thank you

« Previous 1 2 3 4 5 … 10 Next »

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

508 thoughts on “Using Male Psychology To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back”