By Chris Seiter

Updated on July 13th, 2021

To say Evie Shafner knows her stuff would be an understatement.

She’s been in practice for well over 30 years counseling individuals and couples with problems in their relationships and when I was told that she had agreed to come on to my show I was ecstatic.

Now, if you don’t know my interviewing process it’s relatively straightforward and can be broken down into three steps.

Step One: The person agrees to the interview

Step Two: I research the person so I know what questions to ask them

Step Three: I conduct the interview.

See, simple!

Now, I have been doing this a long time so it is rare for me to come across something I have never heard before and that is exactly what happened when I started researching Evie!

You see, she specializes in something called Imago Therapy which is sort of similar to attachment styles.

Now, I am not quite sure I can do it justice as I am not an expert on the topic so I am betting you’d rather learn about it from Evie herself in our interview,

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Interview Transcript

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7 thoughts on “Understanding Your Breakup With Imago Therapy”

  1. Charlie

    July 2, 2019 at 12:37 pm

    Hi Chris,

    You kindly responded to my comment recently but since then I’ve absorbed nearly all of the podcasts and information on your website. I’ve realised a lot and particularly after listening to this podcast that I am the one with the attachment issues. He was really into me and text me morning noon and night, chased me throughout the whole 2 year relationship and I pulled away which I’ve since learnt through counselling is because I lost my dad at a young age and I have a fear of loss. I’ve since text him (2 weeks after our breakup) explaining all of this and that I am willing to commit. I was cold to him during the last few months of our relationship but he never faltered until the last week. I’ve made the mistakes of asking for another chance, deleted him from social media, I then broke no contact twice to apologise and say I understood his reasons. He replied saying he misses me and enjoyed his time with me but when the fun stopped he lost himself and was unhappy but still. He said he still loved me when we were breaking up.
    I then broke no contact again to tell him about my revelations but asked him not to reply as it wouldn’t help me move on (he didn’t reply) That was a week and a half ago. I’ve since found him on tinder, when we were breaking up I said I needed to go on tinder to erase all of our previous conversations (it’s how we met) he freaked out and said ‘you’re going on tinder already?’ Stood up and said ‘i need to know if I’ve made the right decision’.
    I don’t think I have any chance to get him back, I’ve made my social media public and made a tinder (swiped right on him) he’s not watching my stories and hasn’t swiped right as yet. He also is very black and white and can just shut down and cut people off.
    Is there hope for me as I’ve never been so full of regret and felt so heartbroken before (I’m 34)

  2. Milly

    October 16, 2017 at 3:19 am

    After my no-contact period ended, I became terrified of sending that first message (and still haven’t). It’s been 6 weeks since the breakup. He broke up with me after 7 months saying he didn’t feel as “in love” as he should feel, and didn’t understand why he was feeling (or not) this way, since he had pursued me for well over a year before we started dating. (I kept saying no because he is 7 years younger – I’m 38, he’s 31).

    Aside from being afraid of his response (or lack thereof), what do I do with the anger I feel? I’m very upset at the fact that he pursued me for so long, did everything possible for me to fall in love with him, then just drops me like that after so long.
    I feel hypocritical sending a “light, funny message” when really, I just wanna tell him off!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 16, 2017 at 11:27 pm

      Hi milly,

      Most of the time anger is a mask for hurt.. If that was really the reason, be thankful he was honest that he fell out of love instead of letting you believe of some other lie.. It would be better not to initiate if you’re angry..

  3. Hayley

    October 10, 2017 at 12:40 pm

    My boyfriend has become very depressed and everything has got too much, he has been thinking about things so deeply and has got himself into a massive panic and broke up with me. He started saying things weren’t right in the relationship, but I think this is the depression and his overthinking. He has a history of depression and has said he is going to speak to a counsellor.
    How would you handle depression and a breakup? I’ve tried no contact but he gets very upset with me, and I feel guilty that he’s in a bad way.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 10, 2017 at 3:36 pm

      Hi Hayley,

      Talk to him sincerely that being friends is not workable for you now because you’ve already broken up..and then start nc even if he gets angry…

  4. Jess

    August 25, 2017 at 7:46 pm

    Hello Chris,
    Um… where do I begin…
    I have been listening to your podcasts and reading your articles. I would buy the book but I literally cannot afford that right now (I am having financial hardships).
    My story is probably one you’ve heard a million times.
    He ended it saying “I want to just stay friends but I want to keep talking to you as frequently as we have been. You’re an amazing woman and I want to keep you in my life. But, I only see you as a friend.” Then stopped talking to me immediately after he broke up with me. I wrote him the “goodbye letter” that I read on a different site. He then immediately contacted me and tried to be all buddy buddy. (Like he hasn’t ignored me for a week). I ignored the buddy buddy and just told him I wanted my stuff back.
    Throughout the whole no contact (which is still occurring) I’ve been using my social media, posting pictures of me having fun, about me getting an interview for a job(like I said I’ve been having financial hardships), and even of a date. He will like all those posts except the one of me going out on dates. He also won’t contact me still.
    I just don’t know what to do. I feel like I’ve been improving myself but I honestly don’t know at the same time.
    Thanks for your time. I enjoy reading your articles. 🙂

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 26, 2017 at 12:49 pm