Understanding Why Your Ex Boyfriend Is Ignoring You- And How To Get Him To Stop

1,959 thoughts on “Why Is My Ex Boyfriend Always Ignoring Me?”

Dominique

April 7, 2014 at 2:55 am

MysSo my ex and I dated for a year and a half and we were still going very strong (in my mind at least) and when summer vacation came we both went seperate to our different families and he went with his “boys” to thailand. We texted back and forth as he could get wifi but he got mad at me quickly and was off with me a lot while he was in Thailand, when he got back I heard so many stories about strip clubs and drinking and so I got mad at him. He then said I was a clingy girlfriend and he left me. I later found out that he slept with two girls in Thailand. I’m not bitter about it and I would really like to start over and go for coffee sometime but his messages he replies to me are “bad” but far from ugly, I’ve done the NC period twice. Why isn’t he being friendly back to me at least? Please be brutally honest if u have to.

admin

April 7, 2014 at 5:12 pm

Hmm… brutally honest.

Are you sure he feels the same for you that you felt for him?

laura

April 6, 2014 at 11:18 pm

My situation is I have history with my first love. Im 47 now and we first met when I was 14. We just reconnected 4 yrs ago after 25+ PLUS YRS. WE WERE SO INLOVE. SOME REASON I BECAME OBSSESSED AND MY INSECURITIES WAS BAD. I ONLY GAVE HIM 2 WEEKS SPACE TIME AND TEXTED HIM SAYING I MISS HIM N WAS THINKING ABOUT HIM. HE TEXTED ME BACK SAYING HE WAS OUT OF TOWN BUT I ALREADY KNEW THAT. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH N MISS HIM. HE TOLD ME IM SMOTHERING HIM. I BELIEVE I HAVE CHANGED AND REALIZED WHAT I BEEN DOING TO HIM NOT GIVING HIM THE SOACE HE WANTED. I DO FEEL BAD NOW ABOUT IT BUT I AM KEEPING POSITIVE KNOWING HE STILL HAS A FEW OF MY CLOTHES THERE AND I STILL HAVE HIS HOUSE KEY. I AM KEEPING POSITIVE. 2 WEEKS I WENT WITH NO CONTACT AND HE TEXT ME BACK ONCE THEN I CALLED HIM LEFT HIM A MESSAGE JUST SAYING I WANTED TO HEAR HIM. I LOVE HIM TO DEATH. HE IS MY FIRST LOVE. I WISH HE WOULDNT IGNORE ME. WHAT CAN I DO TO LET HIM WANT ME BACK. PLEAE NO NEGITIVE RESPONSE. HE IS EVETYTHING TO ME. MIND U I HAVE BEEN GETTING SOME HELP ON MY INSECURITIES. HELP ME…

admin

April 7, 2014 at 5:08 pm

I LOVE HOW WE ARE ALL CAPS’ING THIS CONVERSATION.

WHAT WERE YOUR INSECURITIES?

Ph

April 6, 2014 at 5:48 pm

Hi Chris,

My ex and I had a weird break-up. Long story short, my ex boyfriend and I broke up 5 days ago after a period of him being distant with me, me handling it really badly and losing it, him asking for a break, me handling that badly, him wanting to end it, me convincing him to give it another chance, him not really into it and treating me badly, me finally blowing up again and telling him I’m done, him saying I should leave him alone and he will get in touch with me if he wants to talk but it’s over, no more talking (which doesn’t make sense to me anyway). I ran into him after that, completely ignored him as he had requested, he seemed to get upset by this which makes no sense but left quite abruptly. Since then, he’s not turned up to events we both have to go to (we have many mutual friends), avoids everything and everyone to do with me. I have been completely NC.

Do you think there is any chance to salvage this?

admin

April 7, 2014 at 5:03 pm

There is always a chance to salvage.

I think this time apart might be a good thing for you two.
Ph

April 9, 2014 at 12:10 pm

Hi again! So after 5 days of complete NC, he contacted me, went out of his way to be friendly, showed up at a mutual friend’s dinner, paid me attention all evening and went out of his way – however, no apology and no mention of the fight or the relationship whatsoever. Not sure what to do with this..

Laura

April 2, 2014 at 9:05 pm

Hey,
You said that kind of r not an acctuall relationships, but I need a short answer to understand if I’m an acctuall fool here haha
We were in a 2month distance relationship. Passionate, happy and he is suuupper busy with his work as its his life. We were planning to meet in May (I set the month, just so I would loose some weight haha), but gew weeks ago had a very shitty day and was sending him demandings and anxiuos messages, wich he wasnt happy about, later that day had champagne with friends and texed him saying or u buy tickets to see me or i dont see where this is going, so he replayed that I wount give him ultimatums and woudnt look for him. deleted me from everywhere, now im in NC period for more than 2 weeks.. Have I munipulated in him so he wount tex me again ?
Thank you x

admin

April 4, 2014 at 4:31 pm

give him time to cool down. He is just probably angry about the ultimatum.

Sheryl

April 1, 2014 at 9:24 pm

Hey, my situation is really messed up.
Me and my boyfriend were together for over a year and we were really happy together, we broke up 7 months ago due to a stupid argument over nothing while drunk- he dumped me.
At the time he dumped me he said he was 50/50 over it and was still in love with me. We both said we really wanted to remain friends and kept in contact; however, he started to become passive aggressive when I kissed another guy at a party. From then onwards it has been up and down up and down, with at least 10 situations of him saying he wants to be my friend and then him deciding he doesn’t, in the periods of no contact (that he has instigated) he always ends up messaging again. We’ve tried friends with benefits twice, both initiated by him and both ended by him. We have many mutual friends and see each other every day from a distance, thus creating quite a lot of awkwardness.
He spent a lot of time making up lies and badmouthing me to his friends, pretending that he wasn’t talking to me when he was, which hurt me a lot. I then got upset when he began ignoring me.

Recently after I called him up on the lying, telling him it was unfair, he blocked me on facebook, and told me that he couldn’t be friends anymore. However, I keep catching him watching me and i really would like us to at least remain friends if there is no chance of us getting back together. I have told him that he will always be important to me and if ever he needs I’ll always be there, upon which he apologised for the way he has been acting.
It’s now been a month since we’ve not talked, despite daily, awkward emotionally charged encounters. I’m wondering what your advice would be, whether it’s worth contacting him again and if so how to do it. I’d really rather not loose someone who was such an important part of my life.
carol

April 1, 2014 at 4:15 pm

My ex really messed up. He started seeing someone while seeing me(we are long distance). This continued w/out him telling me even through our last visit. When he and the someone else became “official” he basically pulled the “lets rewrite history card” and told me that as he and I were long distance we were just “casual” (after 10 years!). He tried to tell me he hoped I would get with the program (my words) and accept his historical rewrite and go forward with it (be my friend and confidant while I “love” someone else). All this via email. When I didn’t go for it he gave me the THIS RELATIONSHIP IS OVER and I want NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU email. I tested this 1x and WOW did I get a nasty response.

I periodically have to contact him for work (via email) any sometimes the response I get is seething and sarcastic (yes, I avoid it at all costs as why take a kick in the stomach if I don’t need it).

I honestly GET why he turned full out attacker on me – HE can’t deal w/ what he did so he has no choice but to make ME the scapegoat. Poor (manipulative) baby!

I have taken the high road in any interaction and am NOT contacting him about any personal issues – trying to go complete no-contact taking any means available to handle work stuff on my own. But today I started work on a project that in the past we would have collaborated on – something we both so enjoyed (and how our relationship started) – and I am just dissolving in tears. I won’t contact him no matter what – and I know he is an ass*** – but today I just need someone (you all) to know I am suffering.

Sorry for the sob story. I know I am better off. I KNOW he is a messed up, immature, low self-esteem person and I have NO desire to reenter the picture to help him see this. THAT has been pretty reassuring. Just today is hard…

admin

April 1, 2014 at 5:20 pm

Why do you want him back then? I guess I am trying to figure out your reasoning.
carol

April 1, 2014 at 6:58 pm

Its not that I want him back – it’s the he ignoring me and punishing me for HIS actions (yes I know I will never get any kind of satisfactory “oh I am sorry, I am so messed up” apology). THAT is what hurts and I wish I wasn’t letting get to me at times like this when I am “triggered” by something that used to be a good experience and that I miss. I don’t know. Sad and wishing he would magically come back and say I am sorry, this is xx, yy and zz that I did that, etc. etc. and lets just make this a time out and see if someday we can start from scratch because I miss your friendship and I don’t want to take it for granted and what do YOU need from ME instead of vice versa). Even if you have a tough skin and take the high road it is hard to rejected and punished with the silent treatment even if you understand why someone is doing it (and he KNOWS that silence is my achilles heel and hurts me most – yes been there before). The only good thing is that I have NO option but to go no contact or be attacked. So no, don’t want him back, just feeling the pain of silence and being punished today.

Maria

March 31, 2014 at 4:20 pm

Hey Chris ,
This page has helped me a lot and I would really like to thank you for helping so many of us .
The situation with me currently is that even after my boyfriend broke up with me we continued to remain friends ,but recently I just couldn’t take it watching him flirt with everyone . I told him that I still had feelings for him and couldn’t be his friend, he got very angry at me and said that he dsnt want all my dram in his life and blocked me.
Please tell me if this is the end of it all ?
Should I hold on to hope ?
Really really confused !!

admin

April 1, 2014 at 4:45 pm

Just lay back a little bit. Let him calm down before you try anything.

Sara M.

March 26, 2014 at 10:15 pm

Hi everyone, (and Chris! you’re page is awesome)
I could really use some support. I was in an on and off again relationship for about two years. I know this man loved me, but we had a lot of problems. Long story short, we kept getting into small fights and now we are broken up.
Because of the nature of our on/off relationship, I figured he needed a few days alone (he has ALWAYS been the first to contact me, and we have only ever gone maybe 6 days without talking)..
Now, we’re going on three weeks and he hasn’t said a word. I broke down last week and sent a bunch of angry texts, and yesterday I reached out to him to see if he’s ok. I know I sound crazy, but I could really use some advice.
-why do I keep texting him, only to be ignored?
-I do want him back, and I know I’m being needy and I look bad. Can this be reversed?
-How do I get a handle on my emotions?

Any advice would be so much appreciated!

Thanks so much–

admin

March 27, 2014 at 11:21 pm

Support is here!

Right now just take a deep breath. Stick to the NC rule if you are in it already.

victoria jackson

March 26, 2014 at 2:01 am

Hello my name is vicky my ex boyfriend and i met at 19 years old we been on and off for 7 years one minute we talk the next we dont nobody os perfect i cheated on him twice lack of attention he was out doing him hhaving fun with his friends we were young i didnt know how express myself i should broke up with before i cheated but i told him the truth i messed up yes but i loved him with all my hearts i probably didnt deserve i really didnt have normal childhood i didnt know how express my feeling because noone really taught me that when i met my first love it was happiest feeling i ever had somebody on my level listen to me and give advice i let my anger n my past of growing up destroy my relationship i took everything out on him i regret doing that i.wish i can take it all back all he was tryna do help me because he knew i could when others didnt for 7 years all i did to this.man he still had the urge to hit me up and see if i was ok and get my life together but i fail once again we was friends because he want us to make it work i want that too i did dumb mistake try play games i wasnt it was i couldnt trust him he say one thing and do another end up talking to another female while je told me he wanted us to be friends n make it work i felt hurt it like he left m play with my emotions he did this again i guess i desrve it how i did him now we not speaking we were but we wasnt together i dont understand how he mad i kept it real with him about this other dude i was sleeping with now he wont respond to my texts all this nonsense ppl saying he playing me i think ppl playing us and telling lies idk how else because no matter what we go through wen we together it the love there we just cant stop touching each others we always was bunned up so can anyone answer my question please i need to know how to fix it
Cara

March 25, 2014 at 3:36 pm

This is helpful. But from a woman’s perspective (at least mine and most women I know) being ignored for no reason by your boyfriend is the most confusing and hurtful situation. I’m currently experiencing it and I have no idea why he is ignoring me. Honestly ignoring a person who you love/still love is very immature. Men cause women to “be crazy” and text a million times because we don’t understand why we are being ignored. I remember when I got mad at my bf I ignored him for several hours and he freaked out and texted and. Called a bunch and apologized. But if us women do that we are labeled as “desperate”. I’m not desperate I’ve had plenty chances to be with other men. But I only want my boyfriend back…

ASHLEY

April 2, 2014 at 10:38 pm

I am currently going through the same thing with my boyfriend of seven years. Our relationship has always been pretty good. We spent almost every day of our lives together until he went off to school in sd five hours away this year. We have been long distance since august but he comes back home to mn in may and will be finished with school. Everything was fairly good between us this year while he has been away and he comes home once a month to visit and for holidays. Out of no where he started ignoring me and now I haven’t heard from him in 6 weeks no idea why. It hurts so much and is so confusing. It is literally destroying me. I have not tried to contact him since february. I wish someone could explain to me why someone would do this to someone they love. It makes no sense I am completely lost. There are no articles on this site that explain a situation like this.

PLEASE PLEASE RESPOND!!!!!!!!!!

-Ashley
Sara M.

March 26, 2014 at 10:52 pm

Cara, so sorry to hear about your situation… any updates?
Sarah

March 26, 2014 at 6:02 am

I hate it too. my ex was the same and would send me non-stop texts. As Chris says, men and women are different creatures… From my understanding women need to dwell and talk out EVERYTHING… not being able to do that through the distance is frustrating and leaves us girls wondering.

One of my guy mates reminded me that my ex is going through a break up too… and guys deal with their emotions differently- by trying not to deal with them. Pushing me out of my ex’s life is giving him space to be on this own and no think about any negative emotions. I hate it but I hope it’s worth the wait when my NC period is over ><
victoria jackson

March 26, 2014 at 2:29 am

I feel you i feel the same way about my ex lover i hope you can as much i do so good luck to you

Tina

March 23, 2014 at 9:19 pm

Hi . I’m kind of at a loss just now . I have been in a LDR for 15 months and he cut contact with me 2 months ago after he asked for my help but I wasn’t in a position to give it . I did the whole texting thing asking what was wrong and if he was ok but got no reply to any of them . After about 4 weeks and another text from me he sent one back saying to be friends would be good for us . Then nothing . I’m due to fly to his country in a couple of weeks and there is a fair chance I will see him but I don’t know what to do . Ignore, talk , who knows . I think he has behaved so coldly and I just don’t get why , apart from the fact he is very stubborn and is possibly embarrassed by asking for my help . Maybe he just didn’t love me but that doesn’t ring true for me when I think of our relationship . What do you think? Hope or just give up ? Thanks .

admin

March 24, 2014 at 5:49 pm

Do you think he was just using you for your help?
Tina

March 27, 2014 at 12:11 pm

That’s the issue. I really don’t know but after over a year of a relationship it would be very hurtful.

Mike

March 20, 2014 at 6:27 pm

What is wrong with you people, he is your ex, get over it and leave him alone. If he wanted to be with you he would be the one sending texts. There are billions of people in this world find someone that wants to talk to you.

admin

March 21, 2014 at 6:22 am

Well, sometimes people want their exes back. There is nothing wrong with them wanting to understand what went wrong or what they can do better.

Gabriella

March 20, 2014 at 12:45 am

Hi Chris!
I’m a lesbian, and my girlfriend split up with me. She said she doesn’t knows if she loves me, and she has been extremelly weird, also said she doesn’t wants to date anyone for the near future. The problem is – it’s a LDR. We had a lighter break up before and she didnt spoke to me in three months! Yet, she loved me back then. You think that NC rule might work in this case? She might fall in love again.

admin

March 20, 2014 at 5:46 pm

Have you read my LDR guide yet?
Gabriella

March 21, 2014 at 5:48 pm

No, do you have a link to it?
admin

March 22, 2014 at 5:12 pm

https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/the-complete-guide-to-getting-an-ex-boyfriend-back-in-a-long-distance-relationship/

samantha lovatt

March 16, 2014 at 2:35 am

my ex finished me by phone on 11th Jan this year
ive done one set of no contact then we kinda was
talking online he said he was happy that we were
i then messaged his family and he thinks im
harrassing them and ive got to stop
i apoligised but he blocked me.
i text him a nasty message
and left it at that for a week
i went online today noticed he had unblocked me so i
messaged him asking for forgiveness as the text was
childish he ignored it and has since blocked me again
what should i do now
lifes pointless without him in it
we were together 20 month and engaged for 13 🙁
love

March 15, 2014 at 10:14 pm

Hi Chris,
I have seen your advice in above and i am glad if someone notice my personal problems with my man. Me and my ex were together for 7 years and split up end of the December 2012 in his ugly terms.He is 56 and i am 39 year old. I am Asian and he is American. He had then regretted how he was treated me badly but aware my all devotion to him during the hard time. He is live now with his family again, he says he have to do the right thing first which he did not notice his daughter’s drink problem who is almost aged 20 and he says he has been still not close with his wife! Bla bla bla, he had says he is always coming back to me and trying find a way something like middle of the December, 2013 before Christmas but he did not even to see me while he had have a short term work in EU. He was seems feel sorry the unlucky date with me but still had promised me find a way for the next time! But i cannot hear from him since January when i land in my own country from EU. I trying all the way to reach on him at least as friendly, but he seems he had been blocked my address when he receive emails from me. I am in desperate and suffering with insomnia and live in lonely. I really love him and as he says, believe me no one like you for me. We’ll be together again, i just don’t know when…bla bla…as his age, he might not changed as quickly as in some months later, no??? What i should to do now?
NC rule???
I would like to chat with you, if you have time. please, let me know, i would love to hear from your advice and i will keep what you could recommend me.
Thank you for your notice.

admin

March 18, 2014 at 4:57 pm

NC can be effective!

Cat

March 15, 2014 at 7:00 pm

I emailed my ex (reminding him of a fun time we had together), and he replied the next day with what I consider a good response – saying he was glad I contacted him, and asking me a question about how things were going? I replied to his question, and asked him a similar question. That was several days ago, and he has not replied. I’m unsure how to proceed. Send him another e-mail? Wait a few more days? Assume he was just being nice replying and asking me how I was?

admin

March 18, 2014 at 4:48 pm

Good response!!

Wait a few more days and then send him an email.

Lynn

March 14, 2014 at 11:40 am

Okay, so my bf of 3 years broke up with my about a month and a week ago. I did not contact him til 3 weeks after, to ask him if he cut off the commitment bracelet he had for me off. He said he hadn’t, and then asked if I had hook up with anyone yet. I said no, nor was I planning on it. He didn’t respond. Its been about 2 weeks since than. Last night my friends and I left a nasty note on his car after passing it in town. It said basically.. ‘I hope a girl gives u clyamidia.. and for him to eat a (insert bad word here)’. We didn’t write who it was from, but him and his friends are going to know it was me. I feel so bad because its pretty out of my character to do something like that, but I was so full of anger. I know really regret him and want to apologize, but promised my friends we would keep it between us (since they basically did the whole thing). Should I apologize anyway?
Barbie

March 11, 2014 at 11:40 am

Hello,
I will start of by saying I broke all the rules when my partner broke up with me. He is 56 and I am 37 .. A big age difference but we were in love.. I left my husband for him ( a domed marriage) on January 18th were talking , texting everything was great.. He came , picked me up then he could tell I had a couple glasses of wine.. He can’t drink… We went for a ride and he said I am taking u home and I want u to get out of my suv I am done.. We parked outside my house and we argued for 2 hours.. He keep saying he was done.. he said he had no intentions of doing this.. Even told his daughter ( 21 ) over dinner that wether she liked me or not that she had to come to terms with it cuz I am the woman he loves and want to spend his life with.. Then Boom.. I was shocked.. Still am.. He then demanded to see my text and call log.. He wouldn’t look at me or anything.. I am completely heartbroken.. 🙁 he did break up with me back in late Sept. Too.. I messaged him for 10 days then he replied and after 20 days we got back together.. He said he would never hurt me again.. he blocked me on Facebook, his phone and email.. I changed my cell number as of now he hasn’t blocked me.. Since January till now he haven’t contacted me.. He did talk to my ex sister inlaw.. saying I drove away the only person who truly believes in me. Cares for me and love me.. She asked if he loved me.. He replied she knows I love her but she always questioned or doubted it.. He went on to say he really loves me and it Hurts..then he blocked he.. I have been going through hell.. It was love at first sight.. We had a strong connection from the first time our eyes meant.. It was meant to be.. We went from 10,000 text in 5 weeks to nothing.. We were together just shy of 9 months.. I text consistently.. Wrote emails, got my friends to message him, left voice mail messages.. Hand written letter.. and went to his house, he wouldn’t answer the door. Valetines Day I went on my first date.. We stooped in for a coffee I seen him and his friend walk past the window I guess he seen me and he wouldn’t come him.. And I was at a meeting.. He came in seen me and left.. It’s been almost 2 months no contact.. I started NC 1 week ago.. Is there any hope left for us.. Is it possible to get back my soul mate??
Thanks
Ann

March 10, 2014 at 6:16 pm

Hi Chris,

I just finished (well 2 days shy) the NC period. My boyfriend and I were together for a little over 3 years. He is a true committmentphobe (45 and just cannot committ). I called him a little late in the evening and he didn’t answer. I called twice and did not leave a message. The next evening I texted him around 9pm asking if he saw I called. He called me right away but I wasn’t some place I could talk. He left me a nice voicemail and then texted me that he saw I called and was planning on calling me back tonight.

We ended up talking for a hour about what he did and I did this past month (some what). I did not mention the dates I went on. He said he is not dating and didn not ask me. I made a mistake at the end. He said he thougtht I might have called for a booty call. I said no…you would never answer those calls. And he said why not? So I ended up going to his place and we got together. I didn’t stay the night and left right after. He kept telling me how good I looked. We did have a breakup before 1 1/2 years ago. When we hooked up then, that’s all it was and I could feel it. This time, it was different. He kept staying how good I look and it was very intimate. Am I being stupid with that? The next morning, I saw he called me 30 mins after I left. I had my phone on silent. He called to tell me he was going to a hotel to sleep because he needed a good night sleep and his apartment is under the flight path so the planes start too early for him. Why would he call me to tell me that? Isn’t that weird?

I sent him a text the next evening just saying that my phone was on silent and hope he slept well. That was last night and I haven’t heard anything back.

Now what do I do? Where do I pick up in your book? I can’t do the NC again for 30 days…we have a work event in 2 1/2 weeks and for some reason he is going knowing that I will be there. He normally would not go to these things.

admin

March 11, 2014 at 4:32 pm

You can grab the book here: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/ex-boyfriend-recovery-pro/
Ann

March 11, 2014 at 5:19 pm

Chris – where do i go back to in your book now that I did what I did? What chapter?

Iz

March 9, 2014 at 1:12 am

My ex, who left me last month without even telling me why even though we weren’t even fighting, blocked my number, preventing me from having any contact with him. We’ve been together for nearly 5 years. A few days ago, I got a hold of one of his brothers, told him that my ex completely blocked me out including on social networks and the brother responded “honestly, it’s obvious he doesn’t want any contact with you. I just don’t know why he hasn’t man up yet.” Do you think I even have a shot or any chance of getting my ex back?

admin

March 10, 2014 at 5:31 pm

What about Facebook or other social media stuff? Can you get to him through there.
Iz

March 12, 2014 at 2:31 am

I feel like him blocking my number etc. means that he doesn’t want to hear from me again… Should I be worried, Chris?
Vangirl007

March 13, 2014 at 11:15 pm

Hi Iz.
Thanks for your reply to my question to Chris….maybe your ex just needed some time “alone” , my cousin dated this guy for 5 yrs and disappeared all of a sudden. Weeks later (we guess his been thinking) he spoke to my cousin…long story short, they are happily married now:-)!!…
I think sometimes we ALL just needed a break!, break from love, life etc..
Just give him time, he will come around

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1,959 thoughts on “Why Is My Ex Boyfriend Always Ignoring Me?”