Understanding Why Your Ex Boyfriend Is Ignoring You- And How To Get Him To Stop

1,959 thoughts on “Why Is My Ex Boyfriend Always Ignoring Me?”

Candid

June 15, 2016 at 8:28 am

Hi my bf and I broke up around a month. We did talk here and there after the breakup but we both realised the conversation was just forcing and there was no flow so I stopped talking to him. We only went out for more than a month and although it was brief we had a strong connection initially. Post break up I will admit I did blame him for being selfish like right after breakup and a week after for not trying and he did retaliate back in a reasonable sense. We decided to just wait and see how we feel after a month but since we go to the same Uni all the time, there were times that we had the chance to bump into each other and whenever that happened, I see my ex just make sure his back is turned towards me. I haven’t contacted him for 3 weeks already and although I accidentally called him a few days ago (it really was an accident) and when I found out I hung up straight away but got disappointed when I realised he didn’t call me back… I don’t plan to talk to him soon because I know every time he sees me he will avoid me maybe not necessarily ignore when I message him but I’m just not sure what to do…
The no contact rule really helped me to stabilise my emotions and focus on what is more important but sometimes I get a yearning feeling that I miss him. Please help thanks.
mai

June 14, 2016 at 11:21 pm

Hi,
So, I became really crazy about 2 weeks after my breakup. I begged him, call his mum, send him the screen shot of our text messages when were still in a relationship, all I did for me to get him back and he still said no (he said no for so many times). After he said no for the last time, I give up, I didn’t text him at all for a week including not text him for his bday. Last week he text me to give me support for my exam. I’m so afraid to get hurt again and I decided not to text him back. This morning, I found his chatting account without profile picture (which means he blocked me from his chatting apps). What should I do now? I still want him back but I just feel that I need time to heal and I don’t want to hear a “no” anymore 🙁

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 17, 2016 at 7:50 pm

Hi Mai,

stay strong, he’ll come around.. take your time. Him blocking you is still a good sign. Maybe he did that to stop himself checking your profile.

Lacey

June 14, 2016 at 3:41 am

My boyfriend of 3 months and I just broke up, and it’s all my fault. We had some great times together, even want on a fun trip, but there were times that I would drink a little too much and become extremely insecure, crying, all that kind of thing. He told me he needed time to think after it happened the last time, and I apologized profusely and told him I wouldn’t drink anymore at all! He then said that it wasn’t just that, but that he wasn’t sure we were compatible because of our religious differences (that didn’t bother him before), that he isn’t as close to his family and I am close to mine (how is THAT a big deal?) and that we might have different timetables on having children (again, what? HE’S the one who would ask me how many kids I wanted, and things like that! He even said I would be a good mom! Cheez!) He then said he wasn’t sure if he wanted to break up, because he thought I was, “beautiful, smart, funny, had so much to offer,” and that, “he cares for me tremendously.” He said if we can take time to think, and could be call me the next day? A whole weekend passes, no call. I assumed it was over and changed my status to “single”on facebook. The next night, he called. He asked for my thoughts, but I wanted his. He said that he thought we should break up, he did not see us together long-term and that he didn’t want to waste my time. I kept my cool and said that I would have liked to have kept out relationship going, and that I wished I could go back in time and start over, keep alcohol out of it, and be truly and not insecure. He said, “I’m sorry I wasn’t what you wanted it needed.” To which I replied, “You were never not want I wanted it needed. The opposite, actually.” He apologized for “putting words in my mouth” and said, “I will always care for you and I care about your happiness. I hope you find a man who makes you happy.” I told him that was sweet, and I thought he was a great guy and wished him the best. That was it. I started NC right away (it was did six days ago). Do I have a shot? He’s two hours away. I am 32 and he is almost 30.

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 17, 2016 at 2:51 pm

Hi Lacey,

maybe alcohol is a big thing for him or you said something while you were drunk that offended him… anyways.. avoid party posts during nc so that he doesn’t think you’re back at drinking again.. if you can rebuild rapport after nc I think there’s a chance..

annie

June 10, 2016 at 3:10 pm

Hi, i nearly broke up 15 days ago. but he broke up with me bcs of my lil jealousy and that
he doesnt like that and he insulted me by call.(am not sure if he intented to let hear the insult)I didnt insult back. i sent that i dunt want to see him anymore and i was wrong i agreed to get back to him before.i was silent for 3 days,but then i was very sick and went to the hospital bcs of him i tried to contact him,and he know why,sexual behaviour. he didnt response. i was not begging him back but i needed his existence that hard time. it made me insult him by msg.but next day i appologized and quit.
after 5 days i had a friend she was saying wrong things about me,so i sent him if he listened he is wrong and that he didnt knnow me well. after 4 days i sent him a greeting for ramadan,and didnt hear from him.
i decided NC rule. so i wont show am desperate anymore or needy, as the post says.
i feel bad, but decided to show him by social i survive and that im ok. but not to over react.
i dont know wt to do.
he posts many pics of him on instagram and posts on fcbook,which it is not usual for me.
is he happy we broke up??? 🙁

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 16, 2016 at 7:46 am

Hi Annie,

he may just be showing off and not really feeling like that

Kim

June 7, 2016 at 2:00 pm

Hi! My ex and I dated for 3 months, and it got super serious really fast. It felt like much longer than 3 months (he said I love you after 3 days to me). Anyways, a lot was going on (him graduating from college), and he broke up with me saying that I was more sure about our future than he was. It broke my heart. We texted off and on for about 10 days before I found this site and started NC. I went into NC for 5 weeks. (The last message I sent him before NC he also ignored.) anyways, I sent an initial text to him after NC 2 days ago, and I haven’t heard anything back from him. He sometimes works on my campus, and I think he was avoiding me yesterday when he was there. What do I do now? I have no idea if I did something wrong to make him ignore me because I thought we ended our relationship on good terms…he just wasn’t sure about the future! (Also doesn’t make sense that he wasn’t ignoring me initially after our breakup.) thanks! He’s removed every picture of the two of us, and he also made his instagram account private (I had unfollowed him because I didn’t want to see what he was up to in my feed). It feels like he’s retaliating about something, and I have no idea what I did wrong!

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 15, 2016 at 8:00 am

HI kim,

so you actually still see each other in school? I think he still thinks you haven’t moved on and he’s not ready to talk to you yet.

Vane

June 6, 2016 at 4:37 pm

Hi,

my ex boyfriend broke up with me about a year and a half ago. He decided to end the rekationship because he wanted to be alone and didn’t feel the same way about me (also he started to go out with a new group of friends, and went partying every weeknd so… in some way I saw it coming). We had been together for 4 years and a half and had been living together for 3 years. Before getting together we were good friends and he was in a long distance relationship.
He said that whatever happened in the future, he wanted to remain good friends as we were before starting to go out. After breaking up we didn’t speak much at the beginning but later on we chatted every week and hang out from time to time. Then, when I suggested to do something he was always busy to meet until one day we met and he told me that he was seeing someone else. From that day he stopped contacting me and reply briefly, if he did , to any message that I sent.
A month later we met at one of our common’s friend birthday party, he stayed by my side through all night and he behaved in a flirty way towards me. We really had a good time but then after that no contact again, I sent him a message telling me that it had been really nice hanging out again but he reply in a cold way. 2 weeks ago we saw each other again in a party and he completely ignored me… I went to talk to him but he answered politely and went with some of his friends.

I don’t understand his position, I don’t really understand him and I don’t know what to do. I still have feelings for him, and I think about him constantly but I don’t know if telling him about it or not.

I would appreciate some advice. I hope is clear to understand

thanks
Dev

June 3, 2016 at 6:12 pm

Hello,

So I need a little advice in a sticky situation. I’ll try to keep it short.

My ex and I had been together for about 4 years, we dated through college. Recently he had became very distant and cold, which many attributed to him graduating and ending his sports career, which is a HUGE change. Essentially we hit a downward spiral and he left me due to him losing feelings for me he says. After he left he brought it up several times that maybe in the future things will work and that he hopes he regrets his decision since he knows I’m great.
Fast forward, we continued to live together for 2 months after (due to expenses and being in college) and we got along great, no fights. Now 2 weeks after I officially move out he is driving a girl home to her home state and is staying for a week with her. Is this most likely a rebound? And could it possibly be an act to fill the void I just created but suddenly being gone for good? (I moved out of the state).
I would love to be together with him again, we talked marriage recently before all this. So any advice is welcome. 🙂

Thank You.

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 12, 2016 at 11:24 am

Hi Dev,
yeah it does look like a rebound.. have you started no contact? and are you going to be in a long distance relationship if ever you get back together?

ceecee

June 3, 2016 at 2:30 am

I began went on date with a man a few weeks ago. I am 29 and he is 35. I went to his place because neither of us had money. The date went really well, no alcohol involved. We were just talking and talking and he kissed me. At about 2am we realised the time. He works very close to my home and he had picked me up from my home for the date. He had to get up for work in 4 hours so he asked if I would like to stay over. Initially I said no but he insisted he would sleep on the couch so I said ok. The next day he didn’t hear his alarm and we both slept in. This is where it gets a bit strange. He asked me if I wanted to spend the day with him so I said yes, he took me home to get new clothes and I went back to his, later on he asked me if I wanted to spend the night again and so I did. This continued for a whole week, he ended up taking 5 days off in a row and spending them all with me. I didn’t ask him to, I didn’t ask if I could stay or if he wanted to spend his days with me, he initiated everything. I ended up spending a week and 4 days with him in total. We did not have sex at all but about 5 days in we became intimate in other sexual ways. Finally I said that I would have to go home as I work from home and had a client that evening. The night before the client he had agreed it was a good idea but still said maybe he could come and get me if we weren’t too tired. This was a Thursday evening. He text me that night to say he was tired and I was too so we spent the night apart for the first time in 11 days. I’ll be honest it was nice to be in my own bed, I loved his company but I like my space too. The next day all seemed fine and he text me to arrange our evening together and said he was just leaving to pick me up. A few minutes later he text again to say something had come up and he had to have his children a day early which was obviously totally fine by me. I knew he had his children until Sunday lunch time so I only sent him one text over the weekend and that was on a Saturday and I got no reply. When Sunday afternoon came I sent him another as I still had not heard from him. These were not desperate messages and they weren’t boring either. Anyway I heard nothing from him. I met this man on a dating website. I logged onto the website and saw he had been on line that day so he had had time to use his phone to go onto the site (he does not have a computer) but didn’t text me which I was sure was obviously a bad sign. I then sent him a very polite and friendly message saying that I had seen him on the site and that obviously wasn’t a good sign as I hadn’t heard from him but that I had a wonderful time with him and had enjoyed myself. I said there were no hard feelings at all and I wished him luck in the future. I wasn’t sarcastic or rude at all. I had left a few items at his house on Thursday morning as I thought I would be there on friday to collect them. I had not heard back from him on Monday so I text him and said could we arrange a time I could collect my things or he could drop them off. He finally responded and was polite to me but seemed very cold compared to usual. Remember the last text he sent me was he was about to pick me up on friday and then was extremely apologetic because he had to cancel to have his children the night early. So we began talking via text on Monday and he said he thought we should not date any more because he has so much going on and it would be unfair to date me if he cannot commit. The net day he returned my things and was very different to how he had ever been before, he was friendly but distant and told me he was considering therapy and should not be dating right now. I wished him all the best and he asked if we could remain friends. Later the same day I saw him on the dating site again and he goes on there pretty much every day. Obviously that means he wants to date I just wasn’t for him, but I am trying to figure out what exactly happened. Everything was left on a good note besides the fact that obviously he didn’t want to date me any more which is a shame. I text him a few days ago not flirty not anything like that just saying how was he doing because last time he mentioned therapy and stuff but had no reply at all. Now I am confused because I feel like he was so into me he took an entire week off work to spend every day with me and then now he wont even reply to a message

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 12, 2016 at 9:33 am

Hi Ceecee,

what is his work? Because I was thinking, if he’s still on the dating site and he had another girl that stayed in his place for a few days then that means hes would have to extend his leave for a few more days, which is unlikely unless he had a two week leave.. are you talking again now?

Constantina

May 29, 2016 at 5:23 pm

Hi,

My ex broke up with me 2 ½ months ago after being 6 months together.

He was a good man that liked to take care of me but became emotionally unavailable as the relationship progressed.I never really pressured him, except asking politely to see him more than once a week.As time went by, i realized he was slowly pulling away.I decided to ask him if he really wanted me.He said “I don’t know” and “maybe I need more time to bond.Maybe not.I don’t know”.He said he felt guilty cause I was an amazing girlfriend and it was so frustrating for him not understanding what he felt for me.Everything went downhill from that point.

So one day, he said he couldn’t give me what I wanted, maybe in the future.He didn’t even make eye contact.I was so heart broken.Since that day, I haven’t contacted him.Neither has he.

2 ½ months later, I still think of him every day.Reading your article, I can’t help but wonder why he disappeared.He doesn’t fall in any of these categories.I really doubt he’s punishing me or uses No Contact on me.I never wronged him.In fact, he recently told his best friend I’m the most amazing woman and kind person he’s ever met -but I was pressuring him to express his emotions (!).I should also mention that he just joined the army (which is an 8 month mandatory service in my country).

So, do you believe I should give up hope and never contact him again considering he disappeared?Or is it worth a try contacting him again?

Thank you for your time!

Constantina

June 2, 2016 at 3:20 pm

Thank you very much, I’ll check it out ; )
Constantina

May 31, 2016 at 4:11 pm

Hi Amor, thank you for your reply.

Actually, my ex joined the army, not me!He’ll be back home in December.

So, do you suggest contacting him around then?
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 31, 2016 at 9:47 pm

Sorry I misread that! Yeah.. There’s more to it when trying to get an ex bf in the military.. You can learn it here: Getting An Army, Military Or Navy Ex Boyfriend Back
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 31, 2016 at 8:19 am

Hi Constantina,

If you joined the army, that means you won’t be able to be near him. If you’re going to contact him again, wouldn’t it be better if it’s after that?

Wendi

May 29, 2016 at 10:30 am

I have been seeing a guy on and off for 7 years — he said I was like a drug — he wanted to be with me (we had an affair) he left his partner – they had been together years but it had broke down for the last ten. He and I cooled it and stopped seeing each other and I in the meantime had another abusive relationship– but thankfully became single last year.. when he found out I was single again he was straight on to me — and begged me to wait for him. He turned up at 11pm one night with nearly all his belongings – I helped him by him staying for a while and he then got his own place. He said his dream was to marry me – he proposed before he moved in and said we were meant to be together. He said he couldn’t think of anyone who would be so matched with him. Since he got his own place he has seen me less and less – he lives 30 miles away and works shifts. When he has had weekends his parents have needed him as they are in need of his care. In fact he has spent more and more time away from me. His texts became less caring. The last time we saw each other we had a great weekend but since he has been too busy for me. I too work long hours and try to get time away but have a young child and no sitter.
He text to say he needs to get this chapter over that he has discovered he is scared by being trapped like he was in his past relationship and is enjoying being able to do what he wishes. I feel pretty used by this as I helped him get on the ladder and when he he asked me to marry him it was what he seemed to want. He hasn’t replied to any texts and I stupidly emailed although I did email with empathy for him and appreciation he may not want me. Now he doesn’t text email or anything. He was my friend we have been through so much together in the past 7 years and I have known him for over 30 years- we had a brief fling in our early twenties. He is a nice guy my mum adores him and his family are friends with ours. What can I do not to lose him??? Thanks so much.

Wendi

June 4, 2016 at 11:52 am

Thanks so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think I do need to give him space as you say he has newly found single life for himself. I can’t make him want to spend time with me and he’s recently admitted he wants a life with no ties and complications (reading through the lines– I have — I have an 8yr old) he said he wants spontaneity where he can go places with a loved one at the drop of a hat. He’s also said he would be jealous if I have a new love though?? men are very very complicated and I am getting mixed messages. the 30 day thing sounds the best thing for me now x
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 31, 2016 at 7:29 am

Hi Wendi,

if he always comes back, there’s a good chance that he will again but if he just recently experienced being single, being free from relationship problems, then you should let him be for now. Don’t let him think you’re a nag. We can’t guarantee that 30 days will work, but what’s certain is you need to give him space first.

Natasampa

May 21, 2016 at 6:44 pm

Hi there,

I met him in January 2012 just 3 months after I had started my relationship with my boyfriend. We were at an event in another country and he came to talk to me, he was funny and all over me. With a group of people we went out including my boyfriend and he was talking to my boyfriend and me. I was under his spell. My boyfriend left for a couple of weeks and I hang out with him for diners, we kissed. He is married. I told him I didn’t want to go further as I was just starting my relationship. He went back to Italy and we sent couple of emails. I came back to Italy in 2013 and we started seeing each other for dinner. We kissed but never went further as I didn’t want to jeopardize my relationship with my boyfriend.

Then in December 2014, while still with my boyfriend and him married, we headed off and had the most amazing time. Sex was just amazing. We continued this intense relationship until April 2015 when I told him I couldn’t go further as it was too complicated for me. He agreed and stated that he couldn’t offer me anything and was not ready to leave his wife although they didn’t share any more intimate relations and that their overall relationship was dead. We saw each other just couple of days after for a walk and he told me he loved me. Couple of days later, we shared a drink and he said that we had to stop to see each other. It was painful but I thought that it was for the better. We kept in touch by phone and texts sporadically during the summer. And in September 2015, we started seeing each other again just for dinner and drink, nothing more. We didn’t see each other a lot and I was trying to keep as little contact as possible. But once in a while I would reach out and he would when I hadn’t contacted him for a long time. We would see each other sporadically again for dinners. We might kiss but nothing more.

Then in February 2016, he started to come back and to be very present with phone calls and message almost every day. I asked him why he would be so present and he stated that he had this desire. I told him that his desire might pass and he stated maybe and maybe not. We never talked much about our partners but he told me that he was leaving his wife and that he was facing a lot of issues, he wasn’t feeling very good. We hang out a lot, cinema, dinner, and always this amazing sex. We were not hiding anymore and kissing in public even in front of his friends. I wasn’t able to see him for about three weeks as I was facing also issue with my boyfriend and he was leaving the country. I told him that I was getting separated but that it had nothing to do with him. He was grateful I informed him and that was it. During one evening, he stated that he loved me.

We then decided to spend a weekend together, which we had never done before. We left and had a great time the first evening, sex and party. The next morning, he told me that he hadn’t slept the all night, that he couldn’t recognize himself, that our sex was too intense and that he wasn’t honest. He stated that he knew that I didn’t expect anything from him but nonetheless he couldn’t go on like that. I left right away and went back home. We spoke on the phone few hours after and he stated that he had a lot of problems, that our relationship was too intense. I said that the problem was that he didn’t love me and that he never had. He didn’t answer but in the course of the conversation he mentioned that I said what he was thinking. I told him that I had been honest with him and that he hadn’t been. He stated we can still be friends but he didn’t want to have sex with me anymore. I answered that this was not possible.

Few days later I sent him an email asking him to write down why he was acting like that with me. He answered that he will try to do that. I sent him another email 15 days after this previous email with no reproach in it and I had no response. I didn’t contact him for another month and today I asked him if was feeling better and he never got back to me…

This is all very confusing as he is the one who came back strongly and was the one initiating most of the sex and it seems that he reproaches me our sexual intensity.

I don’t understand his reaction.

Any thoughts on the situation and I have any chance of being with him again?

Thank you guys

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 26, 2016 at 7:33 am

Hi Natasampa,

I’m not sure but it looks he sees you as a get awag from his problems but now that he’s going to be separated, he realized or he doesn’t want you to think that he’s going serious with you

CAL

May 18, 2016 at 2:57 pm

Hi! I have a complicated situation. My ex husband and I were married for 5 years, and he left me, for petty reasons I did not know until recently. I believe we divorced prematurely, but he was dating another girl a month after he left and was completely ignoring me, so I assumed it was over. I was the one to file for divorce. He contacted me after getting the papers, and stayed in contact since then. That was 2014. The beginning of last month, he came back to me, and dumped his girlfriend, saying he is still in love with me and needs me. He said he wanted to remarry me, have kids, and would not be happy with anyone BUT me, and would promise the same thing would never happen again and he would not ignore me. Everything was perfect for a few weeks and then he became distant. He blamed work stress, as he is in a very stressful managing position. Things got better, then progressively worse. He finally said he needs time and space, to get through several stressful jobs, he doesn’t know what he wants, and he is empty and cannot make somebody else happy if he can’t make himself happy. He is now completely ignoring me. I did go a little crazy texting him, just trying to understand, and I realized that probably pushed him away. This is his pattern, he would ignore me and always came back, even when we were dating. What is his deal? Why say those things and then totally ignore me, knowing how much it hurts me? Did I ruin it this time? Sorry for the long text!

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 24, 2016 at 3:38 pm

Hi Cal,

if somebody is damaging the relationship, it’s him.. Try to do active no contact and if he comes begging again, and you decide to go back, don’t invest as much emotion until there is a “problem” and he proves that he has changed in how he handles it

jenny

May 11, 2016 at 7:23 am

hello, quick question. i did the no contact rule with my ex. it went more than 1 month without talking to each other. long story short i saw him last week. we talked for a few hours, ended on a good note. turns out to be he always liked me. he just was really busy and i took it as a sign of disinterest. (I broke up him over text, not really asking him why was he distant…just made my own conclussions…i know my bad )I told him I NOW get him because I went through the same and i didn’t like being under stressed and without time for social activities. Not too long after our first meeting , he texted me saying that he never lost interest and that he wants to be more than friends and start over. i texted him that it was better to talk about it in person and to meet after thursday of this week because I’m still on finals and super busy….however it is now tuesday and he hasn’t replied to my text from sunday. i know he is on finals too, has 2 jobs and super stressed. am i overthinking the situation as to why he hasn’t replied….maybe he is making himself free before reaching out to me because guys do one task at a time….idk what to do

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 15, 2016 at 1:16 am

Hi Jenny,

did you meet up?

Elizabeth

May 9, 2016 at 5:19 pm

My ex and I dated for a year. Best relationship that I’ve ever had, and he said he felt the same. No fights, no cheating, always had a good time! He broke up with me unexpectedly in April. He said “something is missing, but he doesn’t know what” he also said, “he could be making a huge mistake.” He just so happened to at the time of the breakup to be getting a new better job that required him to move to my state. After the breakup I immdeitly went into “no contact” for a little over a month. I used the time to improve my self by going to the gym, buying new clothes and working on being confident. I wrote him friday about something i did that day that reminded me of a funny memory we had togeyher. He never wrote back. I waited until Sunday and then wrote him again. I just asked about his new job and wished him well. He didnt respond again! Why would he do that? It is not like him at all to be this way! He said that im the amazing person he has ever known, and he has never had these feelings for anyone before.

So why would he not respond to me? This is just so strange of him!

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 10, 2016 at 3:43 am

Hi Elizabeth,

it’s hard to tell, maybe he got a new number? or which I wish is not, he sees your moves as getting back with him and he doesn’t want him.. check this post out too.
What To Do If You Get The Dreaded “No Response” After No Contact

Anna

April 25, 2016 at 4:44 pm

Hi,
So this is my story. I met my ex boyfriend in a speed datting meeting. We started datting a few weeks later and being togheter since then. I was always honnest with him saying that I wanted a serious relayionship and that I wanted to have children. He sometimes would say yes and another times said that he wanst sure.
In the end of February , he decided to breakup with me saying that he wasnt sure and that he couldnt see any future on our relationship.I did the NC for 2 weeks , after that time, I texted him asking how he was and he replied after a day . After that I did a NC until easter , he never texted me during that period . On easter I texted him saying happy easter and he replied two days later . A few days later I texted asking him again how he was and since then he never replied , it has been nearly 4 weeks .
I really miss him , and I wish we could at list be friends .
What do you think I should do ?

Anna

April 30, 2016 at 2:13 pm

Thanks for replying
I have been going out with my friends and looking after my self. I am investing in my job also.
Im ok when I am out with my friends the problem is when I am home alone .
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 27, 2016 at 5:47 am

Hi Anna,

have you been active in improving yourself during and after nc?

Néia

April 23, 2016 at 9:16 pm

I had been in a bumpy long distance relationship for about 3 years and a half, and last December I ask him to decide whether or not he wanted to continue our relationship. Just a little information: in October last year he joined the military and we were unable to communicate until December when he had two weeks off for Christmas. I was excited that we could finally talk again every day for these two weeks. For my surprise and disappointment, he just didn’t make time to talk to me. He was always busy doing stuff with his family and friends, and didn’t find time for me (I tried my best to understand that he had only two weeks to do things with his families and friends, but he only had two weeks to talk to me), so that’s when I asked him to decide what he wanted because that wan’t making me feel happy. He told me he’d think about it, and disappeared. Two days later he texted me saying that he needed more time to do the right thing. He never contacted me again until the day he went back to finish his training. He told me he didn’t have an answer yet, and he said he would be able to talk to me in a month or so when he has a weekend off. I asked me what situation we were in, and he said I wanted to take a break, so we were taking a break. A month passed by and he didn’t contact me, so I emailed him saying that I was done waiting for his answer that never came. Oh, I did that because he was constantly posting things on Facebook, so I knew he had free time. He never answered my email, or texted me. About two or three weeks ago he unfriended me from Facebook. I texted him saying that I was sad about, but that he forgot to delete other media contacts (so I did). Two days later I emailed him to say how bad I felt about him deleting me from his Facebook, and other things, but I also let him know I was ok that we were over. He never replied, and I am pretty sure he’ll never will. It might sound stupid or childish, but it broke my heart when he unfriended me. It was like, this is it. No more talking, no more coming back. It was his cruel way to say that we were completely over. I’m trying to move on, but it’s been so, so hard.

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 25, 2016 at 8:42 pm

HI Neia,

It was rude.. He should have just said it straight to you than let you wait for months.. Build a new routine and do new activities.. It’s a process. It’s not going to be fast.. you won’t forget him in an instant but let’s say the only good thing to what he did, is that he prepared you for it..

Merlady6

April 14, 2016 at 3:23 am

A year ago I met a guy on match, we dated for about 2 months. The first month was amazing, spent tons of time together talked about a lot of life wants, goals, great chemistry. The second month he became a little distant and shared he was afraid he was falling into the same pattern and wasn’t ready for a serious relationship. He didn’t want to date at all and doesn’t like casual. In the past I would have cut ties, but thought I’d try something different. He helped me with a fundraiser I was putting on and was so helpful and supportive, over the summer we’d see each other or text every week. The end of summer he dropped away and when I reached out he didn’t respond then at an event he ignored me all day. I reached out One last time and he said he was leaving town for a month and to have a good rest of summer. Fall came around and I needed closure so I wrote him an email sharing my thoughts and how I had feelings that whole time. He said he had some thoughts and admired my courage to share so much and suggested meeting up. We had opposite schedules for the next couple weeks and then he came back saying we should just go our separate ways. Of course I ran into him at the grocery store the next week and we ignored each other, it was horrible.
That was November 1. there was no contact until March 17 when he came to join a group at the bar knowing I was there, he started to sit next to me (I had a hat on) then realizing it was me as so excited And gave me a hug. We talked for 2.5 hours, he walks me to the car gave me a hug, offered maybe 4 times to hang out sometime. A couple who came late to the group didn’t know we had any history and texted me the next dating telling me that this guy and I would make the more perfect couple ever and that we had obvious chemistry and how they thought he seemed really into me.
I’ve seen him each Thursday at a group event, when everyone leaves him and I have stayed in the parking lot for another 2 hours talking until 930pm. He suggests hanging out and recently said I should come over to see his new house. When I tried to nail down a day to hang he is too busy.
We haven’t talked about the fall, or the summer, or the email I sent. The only contact we’ve had is I asked how his dr appointment went and he tested at 1030pm on a Friday night saying “that’s so nice of you to ask…” Then told me how it went. I’ve dated a lot of guys and other then his lack of ability to make plans, his ‘resume’ our chemistry , interests, goals desire for kids etc all line up better then anyone I’ve ever met and I want to date him. I’ve tried to play it cool and not be pressuring. What should I do he seems really interested and suggests things to do when I see him, but then no plans! Is this a ‘he’s just not that into me’ or scared, or not ready? I really like this one 🙂

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 14, 2016 at 12:15 pm

Hi Merlady6,

if he asks you to hangout ask him when and where or just hang out instead of staying in the parking lot right?

Cap

April 6, 2016 at 10:49 pm

Ok, so this is a long one. It wasn’t really a breakup and I guess he isn’t really my ex. We met about a year ago when we started working together and I liked pretty much from the first time we talked and I’m thinking it was the same for him. He had a girlfriend at the time but after about 3 months of knowing each other, he kissed me. In the end, I think he was just confused about what he wanted and he stuck with his girlfriend. I got a little clingy and we didn’t talk for about 6 weeks. We started talking again and then slowly started flirting again (really, the attraction has always been mutual and there) and became pretty close. Cut to November when his ex broke up with him. He took it really hard and I was there for him through all of it. We knew we wanted to be together but decided to give it time so that he could get over it. I was willing to give home whatever time and space he needed. I really cared about him and decided I could wait. Things started to get a little more intense the past couple of months. But it still didn’t seem like he was over his ex. He got extremely upset when he found out she had a new boyfriend so I thought I should back off a little. About two weeks ago, he told me he started dating someone. He said that I didn’t make an effort and I never made a move on any of the hints he was giving me. Part of that was true. I had pretty much convinced myself that when he was ready, he’d ask me on a date. I was so worried about how he was feeling and giving him space that I never thought about voicing what I wanted. I got upset when he told me. Nothing crazy, just the kind of upset you’d be when you find out someone you really wanted to be with is with someone else because you were too afraid to make a move. But now he’s completely ignoring me. He told me that if I thought it was unfair that I should’ve done something about it and that I needed to be an adult and accept it. He was right but right after saying it, he blocked my number. I sent an email apologizing for making him feel like I didn’t want him to be happy. I sent another one a week later asking to talk in person. I’ve went by work a couple of times and just tried to have a casual conversation and it was the worst. He was polite I guess but it was One word answers, no eye contact, completely avoiding me. I went in today to ask him to talk in person. He said yes, after he was done with work and I said I’d wait out in the hall. And then he completely walked past me, saying he wasn’t going to talk to me and didn’t stop. I don’t see why he’s avoiding me. We were friends before anything happened and I was willing to be friends with him again. I helped him through a lot, was there listening to his problems, helped him get someone to talk to. It just really hurts that he’d just act like I’m one of his terrible exes that cheated on him or something. I think maybe part of it is that he still has feelings for me, that doesn’t go away after two weeks. I just don’t know know what to do. What should I do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 9, 2016 at 1:38 am

Hi Cap,

do want to do active no contact? that means you’re going to be proactive in improving and focusing in yourself and your healing before you try to talk to him again… so, that you can have emotional balance

Olivia

April 6, 2016 at 5:58 pm

Hi there! Me and my ex have been on a long and bumpy road. Back in January, we stopped talking for a month which was the longest we hadn’t talked in two years. After a month he called me and immediately wanted to see me. We’ve been talking ever since and it’s going on about two months now but things seemed to go downhill from there. I tried not to be needy and I did good for a while but he never gives me answers to any of my questions and he rarely replies to me. Last week I ended up losing it and sent too many texts which led him to say that I’m cut off but I called 5 days later and he answered. I called once everyday for three days and on the third day he just didn’t seem interested in calling so I lost it again and called many times. It’s been two days and I still have been going a little crazy with the calls but after reading this I’ve calmed down and decided to try a no contact period. My question though, is whether he will contact me again or not. I realize the reading says he will, and we do always end up talking again, but I can’t tell if he wants me gone for good or if he’s just confused and now further annoyed with me. I’ve been trying to fix our relationship for months now and I’m afraid that this is my last chance until he is gone for good. I’m not sure what I do in this situation and I’m not sure how he feels either. He chooses not to answer my questions and when he does they are unclear. For example I’ll ask if he wants me in his life and he says he doesn’t care. Another is I’ll ask if he thinks we could ever be together again and all he says is that he can’t predict the future. He is the type of person to tell someone exactly how it is. If he didn’t want me he’d come out with it and directly say he doesn’t want me. That’s why I’m so confused with this. I’m not sure what his intentions are with me or what he wants from me. I’m also not sure what his actions are representing. I can’t decide if he needs time or if he is done for good. I’d appreciate any help I can get in this situation. Thank you

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 8, 2016 at 7:04 pm

Hi Olivia,
maybe he’s unsure because after everything, you still had good memories.. but for now..at least you’re giving him space but the proper way to do no contact is to focus kn yourself and not just because you’re giving him space.. so, focus on you so you can regain emotional balance and independence

extremely lost

April 5, 2016 at 1:07 pm

What if he stops contacting you a month at a time, then reaches out. This has been going on since we broke up almost two years ago. I do not know what to do, I want to talk to him but at the same time the whole situation I’m lost.

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 8, 2016 at 5:13 am

what does he say when he reaches out? and why does he stop talking?

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