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335 thoughts on “The Ungettable Girl”

  1. Avatar

    shanda

    October 20, 2013 at 11:06 pm

    Hey Chris, I need help…. ive been dating this guy for 4 months and all of a sudden, he started pulling back, because I was fussing about us not spending any time together,he stop spending the night over my place, and he seems to have an excuse for not being over and I just got sick of it and broke it off.Then, I wanted him back and now he’s saying he just want to do him, space, and don’t know if he will revisit this situation with me.But, he wont tell me if he wants me out of his life completely.He wont answer my calls, but does responds to the text….I’m just heart-broken, I really do love him, and he was soo sweet and I couldn’t understand the reason for him pitting me off,or I felt like he was anyway. What am I supposed to do to get him back?…ive tried the NC rule, it lasted a short 24 hrs.He just seems like he’s content with the way things is. Its driving me up the wall. I know if I could see him,i’m sure I could get him to change his mind, but he don’t wanna see me at all….Help?…what do you suggest?

    1. admin

      admin

      October 22, 2013 at 1:02 am

      Well, its actually really simple. Do the NC and last longer than 24 hours hahaha.

    2. Avatar

      Josiane

      December 6, 2013 at 3:29 pm

      I love your replies, Chris. Hahaha.

    3. admin

      admin

      December 6, 2013 at 8:09 pm

      Sorry they are kind of not the best I feel but I get so many and I can’t give everyone everything they deserve which makes me feel bad.

    4. Avatar

      Josiane

      December 8, 2013 at 5:09 pm

      Oh….don’t be sorry :0)
      I meant exactly the opposite: your comments are great because they’re short and simple and very objectives!!! 😉
      But I understand you about the amount of comments you have to deal with: you need a Ex Bf Recovery staff, huh? :p
      I love the images you use here too….I’m saving a lot of them to post on my Fbook (^_^) they’re so good!
      How about the new E-book…are you working on it already?

    5. admin

      admin

      December 8, 2013 at 7:16 pm

      I am going to be working on it today actually. I am going to figure out the table of contents and go from there.

      Kind of crazy that a website I just created for fun turned into a full time job that I put everything into but I am glad you are getting value out of it.

    6. Avatar

      Josiane

      December 6, 2013 at 3:37 pm

      Sorry my comment would be about your first reply to her, the 24hrs one…..oh and by the way: I’m so nervous my man haven’t reached out anymore since the 5th day of NC …I’m in the 20 day….it’s freaking hard for me to endure it.. :(…..he’s pretty proud, snob( he admitted that) and very introvert….so I’m trying to take it easy…..you know? Reading all this helps me a lot while I’m in the NC :0)…..I’m thinking about extended it to 40 days (Dec 26) to see if he send me any text by Christmas….what do you think? :* thanks a lot. GOD bless you.

    7. Avatar

      shanda

      October 24, 2013 at 9:09 pm

      Dear Chris,
      Okay, you are definitely right!….I still have questions.So the other day 10/22,/2013 to be exact, I sent a text, telling him aout my grandfather who is sick in the hospital. I know I tol him to see what kind of response i’ll get if any. He did respond,’sorry about your grandpa”.Moving along, I also asked how was his day going.He said, Okay. Then,Chris, I started texting I miss you and everything about you and our relationship and that i’ll get it right if I was just giving the chance to make it right.Chris, he keeps telling me it’s Over, stop texting him, he’s done with me.He don’t want any part of my life.Chris, is it possible that he wont ever give me a chance? Then, he say’s I talked to him like a child, he has never told me til 2 days ago. he said, the only time I treated him like man, was when we were having sex, and its so far from the truth, last week,it was because I refused to have any more kids. it just seems like everyday its a different excuse.Chris, I cant stand the idea of him being with anyone else and Im trying my best to keep my cool according to your tips.He say’s once he’s done in a relationship, he don’t go backwards. Are all men like this? or is this his anger speaking?….. Im realling afraid in 30 days he will find someone else, so I constantly sends him a text every morning, saying “goodmorning” or text him at work. Chris, he still communicates with me, but he wont see me or except my phone calls….. Chris, please give me more incite besides the NC rule. What will that do? what if he finds someone else? He tells me,ive pushed him away and there’s no returning back to me ever. we have been broke up for 2 and half weeks.Yet, he tells me all the things that were wrong in the relationship, that I never knew about til now. Am I losing here by continuing to reach out to him ? when he has made it very clear he wants nothing to do with me.And ,chris, I was the one that keptd asking him do he want me out of his life and he would never answer the question,til one day I pushed too hard and he said,’yes’, I want you out.I don’t know what to do. Please help me.

    8. admin

      admin

      October 26, 2013 at 12:59 am

      Well, be careful about talking to him at this point.

      NC is a good idea for you as you already know. Right now I would just focus on getting through that.

    9. Avatar

      shanda

      October 26, 2013 at 6:21 am

      Thanks Chris, I will definitely impliment this rule and see what happens. Thanks for the Advice I’m hoping during this period of NC it will make him miss me.Ladies, chris is right contacting after a break-up will make your boyfriend not like you even more. i hope my exboyfriend will consider our relationship again.

    10. admin

      admin

      October 26, 2013 at 5:55 pm

      Well, I think a lot of it depends on what you contacted him after the breakup but generally yes I have heard horror stories.

    11. Avatar

      shanda

      October 24, 2013 at 9:19 pm

      Oh, Chris,one more question, Ive always been told when a man stops sleeping with you, they have emotionally removed themselves from you and the relationship.Is this true? Chris, I don’t want to lose him, but he say I have.And prior to our break up, I told him I felt we should go our separate ways and he beg me not to leave him and just be patient with him, then he flipped the switched on me a week later. With no feeling what so ever,its like hes just cold like ice.I don’t get this, he just said, he gave up cause I wasn’t understanding of his time, which is untrue, but 3 weekends in a row of not seeing him and I just went off.

  2. Avatar

    Chels

    October 19, 2013 at 10:06 pm

    Thanks again for another great post! I am quickly learning the best form of revenge is self improvement. Hopefully I didn’t mess up the NC part in the beginning. But as of today he is a relationship with the girl from another country. We have only been broken up a month. I just can’t grasp this. But I am working harder and harder on being that UG girl. I feel like I am to other guys but not to the one that matters. Should I be out dating? Even if my heart is not in it?

    1. admin

      admin

      October 20, 2013 at 9:22 pm

      The best revenge in life is massive success or in this case massive self improvement.

      I do recommend dating but ONLY if you are feeling it.

  3. Avatar

    Ally

    October 19, 2013 at 9:30 am

    love this post!!!!! Thanks a million Chris. Got so close to getting him back about a month ago and he freaked out and started rebound number 2 (for looks and not personality). We were going out for 4 years and there’s still that electricity between us. I was always the ‘ungettable girl’ to him and think he was surprised that he was able to get me initially (6 month chase). Problem is that he is very good looking but he is not well educated and the fact that I am was always a threat to him. He also feels that if we get back together, I will bring up the past (he started internet dating 2 weeks after the breakup). I’m on day 7 of no contact and bumped into him yesterday (we work together). I gave him a big smile and walked on. Please wish me luck, I’ve no issues moving on but this chapter doesn’t seemed to have closed as yet…. xxx

    1. admin

      admin

      October 19, 2013 at 9:08 pm

      Chased you for 6 months. How in the world did he keep the faith my goodness.

    2. Avatar

      Ally

      October 20, 2013 at 6:57 pm

      Yeah, about 6 months and I fell for him after a ‘grand gesture’, I came a hair’s breath of getting him back about a month ago and I completely freaked out when he asked me if we could try again. He was crying on the phone telling me that he misses my little hands and feet (how cute is that?) and thinks about me constantly. I’m mortified to think why I said the things I did to him and kept bringing up the past in the one conversation. That conversation can only be described as lunacy. I am normally quite composed but my nerves are shot trying to deal with work stress and getting him back. He doesn’t respond well to confrontation. I think on reflection, I could have handled that conversation with a bit more grace and should not have badgered him with multiple phone calls of ‘we need to talk’.

      As they say there’s plenty more fish in the sea etc etc but I feel that this is still worth the effort. We were happy for 99% of the time and sincerely loved being with each other. Seems like he ran when he realized that he hasn’t experienced life, is not as travelled as I am and is dealing with self confidence issues. I’m hoping with your experience Chris, you still think there’s some hope xxx Ps on day 8 of no contact :-(( (round 2)

    3. admin

      admin

      October 20, 2013 at 9:26 pm

      Well, at least you have the right attitude about this.

      I am curious what was the grand gesture that you fell for?

    4. Avatar

      Ally

      October 21, 2013 at 10:38 pm

      There’s a a view of a mountain outside my office window. One winter’s morning I looked out and saw this billboard saying: ‘Will you PLEASE go out with me (my name)?’ He’d been trying to get my attention for 6 months before we started going out. I didn’t think he was my type.

      I got a text today! Asking how I am. I am on day 9 of no contact. Haven’t replied. I heard through a mutual friend that he’s been asking around if anyone’s seen me and if I look ok… !?. (we work in the same hospital). I feel I’m thinking clearly now and much calmer. Not getting my hopes up but he’s definitely thinking about me which is good. I feel as if he’s not ready to settle just yet and that’s where we were heading- marriage etc. If we don’t get back together (which I understand is a possibility) No contact definitely removed the power he has because I’m almost certain he’s looking at his phone expecting me to text at some point. Will keep you posted xxx

    5. admin

      admin

      October 22, 2013 at 2:37 am

      Wow!!!!!

      Are you telling me that he had that billboard there for 6 months before you noticed?

  4. Avatar

    Anna

    October 19, 2013 at 1:43 am

    Would you consider Victoria Secret models type of body too skinny?

    1. admin

      admin

      October 19, 2013 at 8:31 pm

      Most probably aren’t. Some really are but since I am sworn to be truthful here if you were to ask me if I would date them all I would say yes. VS models have something very rare in this world, super status! Men always look for the best deal and whats a better deal than a high class model?

      Thats as honest as I can be.

  5. Avatar

    Bec

    October 18, 2013 at 9:33 am

    Hi Chris,

    Firstly great post.

    Secondly, I’m trying to be the ungettable girl but the problem is that I used to be her. My ex and I were best friend for 5 years before getting together and he’d be constantly trying to get me – he described me as his big fantasy.
    He softened me and made me like girly things like snuggling and being emotionally involved with someone.

    I’m a little unsure how to be the ungettable girl when I’ve already been her and already do everything in your post:
    I was thankfully blessed with good genes: a pretty face, D cup boobs, long blonde hair, big green eyes, an infectious smile with lips (I’ve been told) suitable for a botox advert. I clearly don’t lack confidence, though contrary to this post I’m not arrogant or big headed about it.
    I always dress to impress – dresses or leather skirts in the office (my ex and I work together, so were on minimal contact) and unless they are skinny jeans I don’t wear trousers at all.

    He tells me he’s still very attracted to me – we even went again the other night and everything was great (I think I can thank England qualifying for the world cup for the initial hugging) till we were kissing goodnight and he remembered he has a new girlfriend.
    The Christmas party invites went out that day and I thought he was asking me to dinner to discuss bringing the new girlfriend, he didn’t mention it once until I asked him not to bring her, only after the mention of her after he kissed me – he says he’d already asked her 🙁
    We had a small argument where I said it’s too soon and I’m not ready, especially with all the staff watching my reaction. Then we let the argument go, resumed snuggling, discussed how much we missed each other, got on our respective buses home all the while sending each other sexy text messages and I’m ashamed to admit skyped when we got home!

    We’re going out again on Sunday “as friends”. I don’t want to be the other woman – I love him and fear I’m just going to get repeatedly hurt.

    I’m really trying to be ungettable and it’s getting his attention, things start working but then he’ll crush me and all my confidence just goes. How should I play “ungettable” on Sunday?
    Do I need to go back and do minimal contact again?

    1. admin

      admin

      October 18, 2013 at 7:19 pm

      Thanks!

      Ungettable girls exude confidence and are easily approachable but no matter what they make a guy chase. THAT should be your goal. Get him to chase.

    2. Avatar

      Bec

      October 21, 2013 at 6:46 am

      Thanks for the advice – we had our “friend date” on Sunday and everything was lovely but it was clear we both wanted more. We spent 2 hours lay on my bed looking at flats he wants to buy on the internet! Then sat very flirty with me in the cinema.
      He even told me he’s still very attracted to me but “it’s good that we resisited”
      He thinks that us really liking each other and suffering as friends is a good idea?!?!
      It’s just becoming painfull and hard to be confident. He says thats because everything is so fresh and raw, yet he’s got a new girlfriend and is stringing me along for the unpleasant ride aswell.

      I don’t understand this behaviour.

    3. admin

      admin

      October 22, 2013 at 1:39 am

      No woman can haha. Men are so stupid. I am a guy and I even admit half the time I don’t know what I do and why I do it.

      You are making slow progress though I think.

  6. Avatar

    joanne

    October 18, 2013 at 5:35 am

    What if I am a gettable girl doesn’t mean your going
    to get your ex back,he is still decideing after 5 months wether he wants to get back,your info is ridiculous.The only way you can attract him back is
    no pressure,not to much contact,when I say that i cant even go and see him,lives interstate only contact is phone or email,just being friends is a start if you have friendship which ours is 10 years
    helps,you have to give yourself a time limit which I
    have,then i will visit him,take it from there!

    1. admin

      admin

      October 18, 2013 at 7:00 pm

      I am sorry you feel that this post is ridiculous :(.

      Good luck to you in your attempt to get your ex back.

    2. Avatar

      joanne

      October 22, 2013 at 1:24 pm

      Gee thanks for your positive reply,he has made more contact with me now because I have backed off,
      Girls if you read this no man likes pressure
      be yourself have confidence he will return,
      he will realise there is only one of you if your
      indivilist person,Im positive we will get back together.

    3. admin

      admin

      October 23, 2013 at 7:49 pm

      Sorry have been sick all day :(.

      Glad he is making contact with you though!

    4. Avatar

      abby

      November 23, 2013 at 2:31 pm

      get well soon, chris.. 🙂

  7. Avatar

    Gabby

    October 18, 2013 at 12:58 am

    This is Amazing Chris i lalalalove it!
    Glad to have a male prespective on the “ungettable girl..”
    lol 😉

    1. admin

      admin

      October 18, 2013 at 6:40 pm

      Thanks Gabby! That means a lot 🙂

  8. Avatar

    Lily

    October 17, 2013 at 1:31 pm

    I understand the concept of being the ungettable girl, my ex told me that it is attractive but in the same time he asked me not to push it too much ;P (it was when he was fighting for my heart) but what bothers me is that, how once ungettable girl then girlfriend and then ex girlfriend that he says he lost feelings to can become again ungettable in his eyes… ?
    I mean in his previous relationship by NO he meant No, did not change his mind although he was trying to make it work for a few months with that girl, with me he decided that since in his last relationship fighting for it did not work, so this time he won’t even try…
    This actually hurt the most I think, the feeling that you are not worth fighting for…
    But right now I have 9 days of NC to go 😀 but have some reservations about being again an ungettable girl…

    1. Avatar

      Leah

      October 19, 2013 at 9:18 am

      Girl I feel your pain… Same thing happened to me! I used to the THAT UG to him but I guess dating him made my “personality points” go down – ie) disagreements, getting comfortable with him, always being there for your bf (so easy to get a hold of). When we broke up he didn’t even try to fight for me – and now I feel kinda worthless to him – someone not worth fighting for. How can you turn that idea around where u were a ug and now your just another girl he dated. How can you increase your personality in his eyes when dating him can decrease the personality score? Especially if you missed out reading this website immediately after the break up and did common girl mistakes post break up (ie: crying about why you broke up to him, trying to make it work, no nc). Thanks chris

    2. admin

      admin

      October 19, 2013 at 8:42 pm

      Haha sorry I just love how you actually read the personality points part. I can die happy someone read it!

    3. Avatar

      Leah

      October 20, 2013 at 6:48 am

      Glad it made you happy! 🙂

      But how would you recommend someone “increase their personality points” if when you dated your ex getting comfortable and such would decrease it? Now that your ex has dated you – what incentive is there that can improve your personality score since your comfort level with him decreased? Cause all it takes is for him to be like “I already dated this girl, why’s it any different if she’s different now – it’ll just revert the same when we are back together.”?

      I’m not sure if I make sense.

    4. admin

      admin

      October 20, 2013 at 9:23 pm

      Well a lot of it would be showing him that you are no longer like what turned him off before and that is where your awarness of how you were perceived by him was taken.

    5. admin

      admin

      October 17, 2013 at 6:54 pm

      What are your exact reservations?

      I am a bit confused?

  9. Avatar

    Lisa

    October 17, 2013 at 5:41 am

    Wow, loved this post!!

    So if I lose weight (became chubbier as time progressed) and act confident and once i get close with my ex on a emotional level again as friends…. play hard to get? When we talk on text messaging or skype chat make the conversation interesting then out of no where say be right back or i have to go, talk tomorrow?! ( will this work for me since my ex bf and I are close friends?)

    Also if we have a good conversation when he has finished with his “space and time” and when he is ready to talk to me… once that conversation finishes.. do i say “Hey, how are you? ” the next day, or do i wait for him to initiate the conversation so he doesnt see me as needy again?

    before he would always start convo when we were friends 3 yrs ago so I guess he has to again? 🙂

    1. admin

      admin

      October 17, 2013 at 6:53 pm

      You can initiate the conversation again (Only if some time has passed though.)

    2. Avatar

      Lisa

      October 20, 2013 at 12:37 pm

      I agree… he is happier without all the drama… in all the conversations he had with me and his friends it was all him saying like i just want time and space.. and even when he did give us a chance.. he said he didnt want to disappoint me if after the break he still didnt feel the same 🙁

      he just needs to cool down and think clearly.. i guess it has only been 11 days but when i see him for the first time should i look really dolled up to get him interested?!

      I mean.. Chris, if you were with a girl for nearly 3 years and it was real.. but you got sick of everything and just spark went and felt like you didnt like her in that way anymore.. after NC rule, when you see her and talk to her be close again do you think theres a chance you might fall for her again? would you be scared to go through all the stress again…. ??

      do you honestly see hope in me and him.. everyone says he just cracked and lost love/spark and how we have history and we connect really well… but can it ever feel new to him?

    3. admin

      admin

      October 20, 2013 at 9:24 pm

      Its hard to say b/c I have never been in that situation BUT if I had a connection with someone that was deep then I would revist that relationship probably.

    4. Avatar

      Lisa

      October 21, 2013 at 11:34 am

      thank you so much for your help! i’ll repost once he talks to me or if im cracking hahaha! but I have a plan, to be positive, losing weight, looking and feeling good, hang out with him and our friends and show him how fun we are together then when he leaves to china for 2 months, I’ll still be close and when he returns start to see him in person and i’ll lose even more weight!

      but i really think my ex boyfriend got so caught up with stress, and wanted it all to end so after some time he will cool down and we will start fresh 🙂

    5. admin

      admin

      October 22, 2013 at 1:49 am

      Good luck with the weight!

      I love your attitude!

    6. Avatar

      Lisa

      October 20, 2013 at 1:21 pm

      also.. when you say its early in the NC rule.. he initiated the NC rule not me? he said ” i will talk to you normally as friends when I am ready…”

      so how can this help me :S ? if he talks early then keep with the NC rule but if he doesn’t then I guess he has power..

      do you really think time and space helps him? he seems so mellow and not even bothered with me out of his life.. 🙁

    7. admin

      admin

      October 20, 2013 at 9:25 pm

      In any case its still early hahahaha.

    8. Avatar

      Lisa

      October 20, 2013 at 1:35 pm

      will playing hard to get and showing him you can live without him work if he isn’t interested in you like that?
      If you didn’t like your ex anymore but once you were ready to talk to her as friends.. and she was different.. not always there to talk, busy with her life, always replying late, and playing hard to get.. would you care if you weren’t interested in her? or it would still bother you?????????

      i just dont think my ex bf will care if he isnt interested in me like that 🙁

    9. Avatar

      Lisa

      October 18, 2013 at 10:47 am

      do yo really think because i let my self go in appearance it could have played a bit part of him losing the spark and feelings?

      once he sees me when he is ready to talk.. i think about 2-3 weeks.. ill lose around 6 kgs and dye my hair more darker as he likes it and just flirt , tease and then pull away? does playing hard to get and being mysterious really work?

      right now… its only been 9 days since i saw him last or talked and I dont think he cares too much at this point.. he seems normal.. when i see him looking good and different should i do what we did before which was play this arcade game “tekken” and usually when i win he would pinch me and laugh, can being friends with him like this and grow a strong bond again help me improve my chances??

      I’ve been with him for nearly 3 yrs.. so even if his feelings have gone for me.. it is possible to get them back if were close and i show him i can be independent!

      but when he leaves to china.. how should i talk to him!? he will be away for 2 months.. then after that I’m sure i can see him and hang out and even go to his uni to study! but when his in china what tips do you have?

    10. admin

      admin

      October 18, 2013 at 7:20 pm

      Yes I really do. Looks matter to men I don’t care what anyone says and yes, I have taken flack for that by some women but honestly it is the truth. How do I know? I am a guy TRUST ME ON THIS!

    11. Avatar

      Lisa

      October 19, 2013 at 6:26 am

      it also seems like he doesn’t care?!
      He is so glad the drama and stress has finally stopped… that I’m thinking would he even be thinking about us? SO MY QUESTION IS: why would he care if i play hard to get or reply late or say i have to go now in the convo when he has no feelings for me?

      its only been 10 days since we’ve talked or seen each other… but he seems happy and fine.

      would you get butterflies if you didnt like your ex in that way anymore but saw her in 3-4 weeks time and she is less chubby, darker hair that you like and happy and you can keep a fun convo with her?!?!?!

    12. admin

      admin

      October 19, 2013 at 8:39 pm

      I can also relate a bit to him on this. I was in a relationship full of drama and craziness once and when it was over it was a sigh of relief but I still found myself wanting her back.

      Remember, it is still very early in NC.

    13. Avatar

      Lisa

      October 19, 2013 at 6:21 am

      okay thanks! Because I truly believe deep down in my core… even if his lost feelings he can get them back!
      he may have said his happy by himself but being his friend and attracting him can help me, yes?

      I just know he needs time and space since we’ve never had that!

      Do you think men can feel for that person again even from not seeing them for 1 month and they look happy confident and more attractive!?!?!?!? please explain why 🙁

    14. admin

      admin

      October 19, 2013 at 8:38 pm

      I have before!

  10. Avatar

    Faith

    October 17, 2013 at 4:17 am

    Hello, Chris!

    What if I already messed up by being not confident and my ex even told me that one of the turn off was I am not confident with myself. Can I still make this right? How can I show him that I am not the same person anymore?

    Thanks 😀

    1. admin

      admin

      October 17, 2013 at 6:14 pm

      Of course you can!

      However, if you want to get confident it means you are going to have to do things outside your comfort zone. Take it in baby steps.

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