Today I’m going to talk about the psychology behind why your ex could have blocked you and I’m going to do it by talking about “the core four.”
What Is The Core Four? In my humble opinion there are four clear reasons for why exes block one another.
- The Attempt To Forget
- The Reactionary Attempt
- The Power Move
- The Societal Expectation
To make sure that we’re all operating with the same framework I’m trying to make this discussion all encompassing.
That means these core four reasons apply to,
- Hard Blocks: Situations where you are blocked everywhere imaginable
- Soft Blocks: Situations where you are blocked in just a few places
Alright, there’s a lot to talk about here so let’s begin.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizCore Reason #1: The Attempt To Forget
I think it goes without saying that every time I write one of these articles I start by doing research.
Oddly, one of the things that is most surprising is that often the best ideas and research in the breakup isn’t found on Psychology Today or in reputable studies. It’s actually found on forums.
More and more I find myself pouring through Reddit and Quora trying to see what the experiences of real people are and I hit the goldmine with this comment,
This individual argues that one of the most common reasons that exes will block is because they’re so hurt after the breakup that they want to try to forget about you and move on. I’d actually like to add one addition to this hypothesis and I think it has to do with the advent of social media.
Imagine going through a breakup and having to see your ex every day on your social media account.
They look happy and you hate that.
Or
Maybe they don’t look happy and you hate that too.
Just seeing them pop up on your Instagram or Facebook feed infuriates you because it brings you back to your relationships. Irritates and aggravates.
It’s easier for you personally to block them so you aren’t re-living that trauma repeatedly.
And I’m not so sure that it’s the fact that they want to forget you. I think they just want to forget you right now until they feel better about themselves. More confident with themselves that the mere mention of you doesn’t break them.
Core Reason #2: The Reactionary Attempt
Remember that comment I said was a gold mine.
Well, there’s more to it,
Another potential reason that your ex could be blocking you is out of some misguided reactionary attempt and if you don’t believe this is a thing just take a look at how many people comes into utilizing a no contact rule the improper way.
Without a doubt, the no contact rule is the most popular post breakup strategy employed in the world.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizHowever, most individuals who use it are using it improperly.
Instead of making the no contact rule about outgrowing an ex, they make it about tricking an ex.
The thinking is simple, by utilizing the no contact rule and its ties into reactance,
Psychological Reactance: We as human beings have certain behavioral freedoms. When one of those freedoms is threatened or taken away we react in strong ways to reacquire the lost freedoms
You can make your ex more likely to miss you. You can illicit a reaction from them.
In other words, its the passive aggressive approach.
So, if there are millions of people willing to use the no contact rule to illicit a reaction what makes you think there aren’t millions of exes who aren’t going to use blocking you as a way to illicit a reaction?
Core Reason #3: The Power Move
Yep, there’s more to that comment,
The power move…
A way to show that your ex has won the breakup. I don’t know what it is but lately I’ve been talking a lot about this concept of winning the breakup.
It’s a potent thing and a lot of it has its roots set firmly in “payback.”
Which seems like an odd statement to make especially if you are dealing with an ex who broke up with you. Why would they need to get revenge on you? Why would they need to win the breakup?
I blame the victim mentality.
Even exes who break up with you cast themselves as victims.
For all of us, we are the center of the world.
We’re not really but to us we are. So, when we date someone and share the spotlight with them and it doesn’t work out, our entire world is rocked.
Who else is there to blame other than the person who caused the pain?
The best way many people can think to deal with this is to resort to childish tendencies like blocking someone as “payback.”
I think there’s also something to be said about people thinking of this as a power move. Generally the person whose mind goes there doesn’t feel like they have a lot of power in the world and so they exert what little they do have over another as a way to boost their self esteem.
Something they can hang their hat on and point at saying, “See, I did that. I blocked her/him.”
Which leads us to the next reason.
Core Reason #4: The Societal Expectation
This is my own addition and I definitely know this exists because of the way people look at me when I tell them I founded this website.
Ex Boyfriend Recovery has two sides to it,
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quiz- Recovery in getting over a breakup
- Recovery in getting back with an ex
Most people when I tell them this respond with,
Why would you ever want to get back with an ex?
They sneer when they say it too.
And this hints at an underlying societal expectation placed on individuals who go through breakups. Society doesn’t take to people who want to get exes back, they shun them.
It’s not “the proper thing” to do.
In fact, most people think that once you are done in a relationship then you should be done with talking.
They deal in absolutes.
- You talk to your partner
- You don’t talk to your ex
And so there’s a pressure that exists in the post breakup period where your ex knows that blocking you is in accordance with what society expects. It’s always there tempting them in the back of their mind.
But there’s one important question I haven’t really tackled throughout this entire article thus far.
If you end up getting blocked by your ex how often is that sentence a permanent one?
How Often Do You Stay Permanently Blocked?
I must admit that I thought I had personally researched this before.
I’ve talked a lot about it.
Even made some bold statements.
Statements like,
Most exes who block you will eventually unblock you.
But when I went to go find the data, alas, there was none because I hadn’t procured it.
Yikes!
So, I do what I always do in situations like this. I went to our private Facebook support group (you can get access to it through our program) and ran a poll.
I asked the individuals there,
For those of you who have been in a situation where your ex blocked you; Did they at one point unblock you?
There were four answers.
- Yes, the unblocked me (68%)
- I’m still blocked to this day (15%)
- They unblocked me, then blocked me, then unblocked me (15%)
- They unblocked me, then half blocked me again (2%)
So, at a glance it appears that close to 70% of exes will eventually unblock you.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizHowever, if you look a bit closer at the data the number is actually higher.
Only 15% of individuals said that their exes still had them blocked.
But another 17% basically admitted that their exes did the pogo sticking effect.
Pogo Sticking Effect: Where your ex blocks you but then gets curious as to what you are up to and then unblocks you to check, only to block you again and they keep doing this.
So, the real number of exes who will unblock you at some point is actually 85%.
A whopping 85% of exes who block you will unblock you again at some point.
So, my statements about most exes unblocking you if you simply wait and do nothing holds true.
In truth though, the number was far higher than I was expecting.
Keeran
May 28, 2025 at 10:28 am
Thanks for this post. It has proven true for me.
My back story:
My ex left me after a miscarriage. One day she said she thinks she could not come back from losing our child, and the support i supposedly did not give her during our difficult time. I did go through a lot of hurt as well with losing our child and her, but I always say, everything happens for a reason.
Then wham, blocked and after 5 years of being apart she unblocked me.
The unblock was on Facebook, IG and WhatsApp, however after saying Hi on WhatsApp she re-blocked me on two mediums but, Facebook I am remain unblocked. She can’t see anything on my FB page purely due to my privacy settings.
Am I back in another relationship, no. She is. I have learnt to live a very quiet life over the years whilst working on my career, business and enjoying travels.
So I agree, don’t do anything and eventually the unblocking will happen.
Michele
May 25, 2025 at 7:05 pm
I rarely block an ex but recently I have. I thought I’d share this with you because you have not looked at this perspective in your piece.
I blocked them in order to help myself move on and heal in a healthy, no bs way. This stops the flip flop energy from my ex, which affected me deeply. Hot / cold or push / pull relationships are exhausting and rarely end in a healthy dynamic.
My ex left our relationship a few months ago for reasons that I understood having to do with other things in their life that were overwhelming – a long drawn out and contensious divorce that had taken over 4 years and was still going strong). Long story short they just weren’t in a place to get into a serious relationship. When we first started dating, they thought ‘fun’ but their feelings quickly changed into something deeper and it was more than they could take on. A few months later they came back, some of their other personal stuff had cleared and they said they made a mistake and wanted a second chance. I thought it through for a few days and decided we could take it slow and see how things go. 2 weeks later they sent me a text that basically said I’m sorry, I’m not right, I thought I was but I’m just not. I tried to talk with them about what was going on for them and they wouldn’t respond.
No one should be treated that way so I immediately blocked them everywhere and let them know this is over. I’m not interested in anything further.
I blocked them to help me. We have a lot of mutual friends and so I was seeing their face and name everywhere. It’s not healthy to see your ex’s face every time you open your socials. It’s not healthy for you or them to be keeping tabs on you and creating an artificial sense of security in that they are ‘gone’ but not ‘gone gone’ bc you still get to peek inside their day to day when they share on socials. That’s not all that healthy if you have strong emotions and especially if you are left hurt or disappointed etc.
If the ending doesn’t bother you, then who cares if they watch your every move. Let them. But if you are getting the sense that this person is an avoidant or is incapable of tapping into their feelings and communication them with you, its in your best interest to completely cut ties and work on moving on without the constant reminder of their adorable face everywhere you look. They don’t respect you, they don’t deserve to have access to you at all. It’s in your best interest.
Maeve
February 27, 2025 at 11:27 pm
I finally got brave and blocked my ex bf permanently cause he broke up with me but before I would block and unblock him but when he started show up on a dating app that I was using to try to move on I got so annoyed coz he would breadcrumb me trying to win me back so I decided to email him a message to leave me alone stop trying to win me back I then deleted his email and number and since then I haven’t tried to contact him it makes me sad sometimes but then I remember all times he was never there it was a LDR but things are better now coz I moved on and I feel good also.
Dee
February 23, 2025 at 8:18 am
A guy who I knew when we were teenagers saw me on Facebook and messaged me. We both had a crush on each other but never got together. I never expected it. We started messaging each other then texted and eventually started talking. This went on for about a month. Everything seemed to be great. He even wanted to come see me. It’s a LDR. Then he just blocked me which totally devastated me and he wouldn’t tell me why. He blocked me on everything except WhatsApp. I still care for him and want to get him back. I haven’t been in a relationship since I divorced my husband which was 28 years ago. I always put up barriers until he contacted me. I let my guard down and now I’m hurting so much. I’m not sure what I should do
Noodles
January 25, 2025 at 3:02 am
I blocked my boyfriend because he broke up with me and I just did it so I wouldn’t have to see his face when I was running through my socials. I also blocked him so that I wouldn’t be tempted to reach out to him, mainly to get over it. As soon as I did, I felt a big sense of relief so I think it was the right thing to do. He wanted it out l, so I gave him the gift of my absence.
Nicki
January 8, 2025 at 1:09 am
My ex blocked me out of no where. I was trying to call him one day and it went to voicemail. I texted him from a different number and it didn’t go well. Idk why he had blocked me when we’ve even broken up for a while but almost rekindled during the summer. Maybe he thought I played games and decided to block me one day. I don’t know how to get him back, change his mind, etc. I miss him so much. I don’t wanna wait
Andrew simone
September 25, 2024 at 9:02 am
My ex and I had contact for 2 months and then she unblocked me, after some days she drunk called me and apologised to me the next day, I confronted her so she blocked me again, then she unblocked me again, she blocked unblocked me twice after that without any contact, last time when she unblocked me, I blocked her and then when she was already blocked, she blocked me again. I’m just curious what is happening?
Austin Wayne Banks
June 11, 2024 at 3:10 am
can someones please explain what is going on. me and my ex had an amlicable breakup intitiated by her i agreed and did a couple pursuant acts psot breakup we talked about getting back together on the phone the next day for 4 hours. bittersweet goodbye. then we implemented no contact.. we both follwoed eachother on social media and she was liking bitter sweet posts then turned bitter and mean turned into us removing eachother from socials and finally i went private and that way no more passive aggressive behaviors on her end. she was reposting tik toks for me to see. i was not reacting whatsoever, she made me feel guilty enough to write a heartfealt apology. which i then noticed after eharting her last message i was blocked i sent via tik tok. she responded with tik tok reposts. i then noticed she unblocked my number, after privating all accounts and closing channels. two days ago she blocked me on twitter and twitter alone, not sure what for. and i was thinking about re adding her on snap as she never took me off shortly. however two days after the twitter block she then blocked all socials. both of these stunts were pulled mid day. she broke up with me and feels i let her down what the twitter move her wanting me to pursue i have not tried to text her number aftert that apology went through not sure if my number is blocked as well. very confusing breakup
Sophie Colville
November 15, 2023 at 2:28 pm
I’m really wanting my ex back but he’s blocked me so I can’t text. Should I leave him alone? I will see him in Mind Shop in January when I go back to volunteer
Coach Shaunna
November 19, 2023 at 4:47 pm
Hi Sophie if you are in a “hard block” where you have no other method of contacting him you are forced to follow a NC until you are unblocked. However, if he has blocked you on one social media but not the other you can attempt to reach out to him after 45 days NC