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abbi
May 12, 2014 at 10:06 am
Hi,
Before I went NC (9 days woohoo) the last thing I said was “I promise I wont contact you again”
Do you think this pre-warning has ruined/lessened the effect of the NC?
admin
May 12, 2014 at 6:48 pm
No I think it will still have an affect.
Kay
May 12, 2014 at 12:16 am
Remember me? I’m the one with an ex bf who gave me a 10 page paper. Well Chris, I have a confession to make. I broke the NC (after a week of break up, I sent him a short text like the one you suggested to send after NC) and then a week later, I sent him a text if we can meet up and talk (in a non-threatening way). No responses both times.
Yup you are absolutely right. I will do NC for real this time. I never sent texts/calls begging him to come back though. On the day he told me he wanted to break up, I cried and he was crying but he was so determined so I had to accept it…we hugged and kissed then he left. I think our ending wasn’t as bad as others’ break up.
So I have a few questions:
1. Should I send a text message on the date of graduation ceremony?(which is day 30 of NC if I keep it)
2. I once told him that I wouldn’t want to go back together with the person who broke up with me. Do you still think he will want to go back together if he really wants to?
By the way, I got a haircut and I will be joing a dance school. I am slow but in the progress of making myself feel better! I still cry and wonder, but knowing that there are many people like me feeling broken and devastated, I think I can do it with y’all.
admin
May 12, 2014 at 6:39 pm
1. Nope Do it a little after.
2. If he wants to he would do it yes.
Mar.
May 9, 2014 at 1:42 pm
Hi!
I’m having a hard time with this no contact idea because my boyfriend is from another country, another continent actually. He came to study at the university here, which is how we met almost 2 years ago. Regardless of whether I “should or shouldn’t” have gotten involved knowing that, I did.. and here I am, we dated for almost 1.5 years. Last summer I flew to visit him in his country and stayed there for a month with his friends and family. But now, we both graduate college tomorrow ha, and he leaves again on Tuesday to go home… for good. (This is partly why we broke up, b/c neither of us really know what we’re doing and while I did find internships/temporary “post-study” abroad programs in his country, he started feeling very pressured by all this and decided to end it a few weeks ago. We are best friends though and while we did no contact for about 10 days, it broke from there… a big reason though, is because I think we both feel like if he’s leaving so soon (especially now, he lives in 4 days), do I really want to play this game and ignore him? Will it backfire and he thinks I’m over it and forces him to close the chapter on us and on the U.S.? Will I regret it, because WHO KNOWS when we’ll see eachother again– it’s not like I can just “become to hottest version of myself” and etc and he’ll bump into me 2 months from now and witness that. (He also doesn’t gave FB! Although he does get on his friend’s sometimes…) THE BIG CATCH THOUGH, which is keeping my hopes up a little, is that his dad lives moved here to live, in my state about 40 minutes from my house… so not only will he surely be visiting at some point, but he also has to within a few months in order to keep his Green card. (ha, I know I shouldn’t be thinking of this but I already knew this before we broke up…) — The final catch (so many!), is that since I found all these opportunities in his country(and he was totally on board with this for a little while), not only am I totally lost now as to whether me still going to his country, even if a different city, would SEEM totally weird/ruin my chances… but MOSTLY, I’ve also found opportunities in Europe that would require me to leave the country for a minimum of a year. SO…if we do no-contact even during this graduation weekend/him moving back weekend, aside from the aforementioned concerns, when he finally does come back to visit his dad in a few months or whenever, what if I’m gone and wont be back here for another year from now?! Is it worth totally ignoring him this weekend?? I really want him back, but we’re both “softies” and aside from not wanting to hurt his feelings for doing this during such a pivotal last few days…. I also would miss him dearly if I don’t at least say goodbye. But my desire to get back together trumps all of that, ha, so please help!??! (I know you’re busy but since this is a time crunch, the soonest answer the better, thank youuuu!)
M
admin
May 9, 2014 at 3:47 pm
Did you check out my LDR article?
Mar.
May 9, 2014 at 10:38 pm
I did check it, which helped some but I can’t help but feel my situation is a tad bit different since he’s currently here… and then will leave in a few days, forever basically. Or no different at all?
(We were long distance last year for 2 months (then I visited) and then again for 4 more months and we were fine because we knew he’d be coming back this past January.)
If none of that makes no difference then I’ll continue with the plan, thanks 🙂
Kristina
May 9, 2014 at 1:02 am
Okay so I’m just a junior in high school and recently my boyfriend who I have been dating for 2 years broke up with me. We broke up because we have had some problems in the past and a couple months before we broke up I cheated on him by kissing another guy. When we first broke up, he kept asking me out and breaking up with me a couple times(3 times in 5 weeks). Well 2 weeks after our last break up he gets another girlfriend and I have been crying and people tell him I am crying. Last time we broke up he told me he did still want to be with me, but just needed time to forget about eveything(I didn’t expect him to have a gf two weeks later and I don’t understand how he takes 2 weeks to move on and forget about a 2 year relationship). But anyways, their relationship had only been 3 days so far, but they seem happy. Do you think the NCR will help me out in this case with getting him back?
admin
May 9, 2014 at 3:39 pm
Why did you kiss the other guy? What drove you to doing that?
Abi
May 8, 2014 at 11:39 pm
Hey Chris,
Hi I’m Abi. I’m a 19 year old college student, and I’m looking for advice! I’ve been reading all of your guides, and have taken interest in a lot of your advice! It’s really great what you do!
So here’s my story. I was dating my boyfriend, Brett, for four years. He’s in the navy, currently stationed in California and I live in Indiana. We started dating in high school when we were 15. We recently broke up about a month ago. He gave me the lame “I just can’t do it anymore” excuse. This isn’t the first time we’ve broken up. We broke up after dating for a year, for one week, before he came back begging me to take him back. The second time, it was after dating for about 2 1/2 years and we were broken up for 3 months. I didn’t have your advice then and chased him. We never went a week without talking, either I would contact him or he would contact me. It wasn’t until I left to go to London that he said he wanted to get back together. It was the same situation last time as this time same excuse and everything. I started no contact after 3 weeks of trying to talk to him (same mistakes everyone makes). Unfortunately, I failed after 7 days. He was mostly angry at me which I’ve read is a good sign but I dont know. Anyway, so I’ve started no contact for a second time and I’m trying to work on myself. It’s currently day 3 no contact this time, and I’m done on June 4th. I would buy the book but I’m a college student and just don’t have the money to do so. Any advice you could give me would be great! Like I said I’ve read most of your guides and I know this time I’m going to power through and stick to the no contact! I know he feels like he has me in his back pocket and can come and go as he pleases. We haven’t gone a week without talking in 4 years so I think this no contact is going to get to him but I have no idea. I’m trying to have the mind set that “whatever is meant to be will be” but it’s tough.
Thanks in advance for any advice!
Abi
admin
May 9, 2014 at 3:34 pm
NC should definitely have an impact on him .
Abi
May 10, 2014 at 2:27 am
Thank you! I think it will too 🙂
Joanna
May 8, 2014 at 6:28 pm
Hi there,
Feeling in need of a little reassurance with the whole NC thing working in my situation.
Started dating this man after moving to US from UK 3 months ago. He pursued me, I wasn’t really into him, something changed & I let myself go a few weeks in, he then told me would never be serious as I wasn’t Jewish (although he’s not religious at all) I was shocked but played it cool, then he confused the hell out of me by being ROMANTIC as hell on V day a week later. We carried on, I felt an imbalance, the more I wanted him the more he pulled back. But I NEVER acted needy, always waited for him to call me/ask me out. Few weeks in he pulls back again, says we should just be physical and he wants to see other women and I should see other men. Hurts but I play semi cool, go with it – then find out I’m Jewish!! Tell him couple weeks later, he thinks it’s bull**** says we should stop seeing each other even physically as ‘he gets attached’ but we end up having sex. A FEW DAYS later something changes, he asks me out, starts acting different, more invested, even romantic. = V confused girl again after our ‘only physical conversation’. He calls me more, asks me out more, I feel us getting closer. Then 3 weeks ago introduced me as his boyfriend to someone and refers to himself as such (I’m not even sure he realised what he was doing), also takes my arm randomly and tells me he wants me to know he’s not seeing anyone else. = V happy girl, not getting emotional or clingy seems to have worked a treat! Then one night a few days later we go out with his married best friends for dinner, later we are back at his place laughing together and just being close. Then in an instant he goes into his head & FREAKS OUT declares ‘This is not a casual, physical thing! This is a romantic relationship!!’ Lot’s of talking + physical affection, hugging etc, but tells me he’s not in love with me and wants to break it off before I get hurt. We break up. I get ++ emotional and cry for the first time showing him I have feelings for him, which he always said he knew even if I didn’t admit it, he comforts me but then I leave, upset. Then he starts texting me, saying he feels like crap, never wanted to hurt me or use me. I don’t respond. Then I get angry and a few days later demand he stop patronising me. He calls, I get angry, he thinks it’s cute, this is infuriating but we end up laughing. I make him agree to what he first said he wanted which was a 2 weeks space to see ‘if he misses me’ (which he always said he didn’t in between our time together). A female friend of his talks to him as she doesn’t understand his behaviour but only confirms he doesn’t want a romantic relationship and loves me but as a close friend. THEN I start to realise I have been way to available and nice to this man and that’s when he started to take me forgranted. He calls a week later, I don’t pick up. He text the next day ‘how u doin kid’ I don’t respond (except to say ‘don’t call me kid, I’m the woman that shared your bed’).
Apart from setting my boundaries on being patronised, I haven’t called him back or initiated any contact in 2 weeks now.
My question is can the NC period ever work to change a guy’s feelings from love to realising ‘in-love’?
Or from ‘**** this could be real & I’m terrified so will push her away’ to ‘I miss her and want her’?
Also how can a guy care for a woman ‘only as a friend’ when he admits to being crazily attracted to her still, admires and respects her deeply, finds her incredibly sexy and the physical side of the relationship is amazing??
Just received another text ‘How are you Joanna?’ Hoping this is showing he is thinking of me/missing me but haven’t replied. Help!!
admin
May 9, 2014 at 3:24 pm
Hi Joanna!
I think you are doing the right thing with NC. SERIOUSLY!
Joanna
May 10, 2014 at 1:58 am
Chris as a guy do you buy the whole ‘I only care about you as a friend’ thing given our history above?
admin
May 12, 2014 at 5:16 pm
Not so much…
Joanna
May 8, 2014 at 6:33 pm
ps also he got his friend to ask my grilfriend if I hate him cos I didn’t reply to his call. And also that he is calling me because he wants to know I’m ok because ‘he cares about me’ – maybe I’m in denial but I don’t buy it!
MH
May 7, 2014 at 2:44 pm
We decided to become exclusive on that 3rd date. He told me to remove my profile off of plenty of fish. We met there. So I listened to him. That third date made us exclusive.
my only goal is to talk to him and continue dating him in the hopes that it will lead to solid relationship. Today marks day 9 of NC. Will NC work? Is there hope?
admin
May 7, 2014 at 3:52 pm
Did he remove his profile from plenty of fish?
MH
May 7, 2014 at 7:31 pm
Yes he did. He removed his profile when I removed mine. This is day 16 of NC. Please help.. Will he respond?? Is there hope??? How do I get him to just talk again??
admin
May 8, 2014 at 4:24 pm
If he doesn’t respond its not a huge deal. Have your read my other NC guide?
MH
May 8, 2014 at 5:04 pm
No, what is the name?? Please tell me..
admin
May 9, 2014 at 3:18 pm
https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/the-male-mind-during-the-no-contact-rule/
MH
May 9, 2014 at 4:30 pm
Okay, I read the article. But, will the NC rule work with a guy I just went on 3 dates with? We had amazing physical, emotional, and compatibility chemistry. Will it work???
What suggestions do you have for the first text?
Please help??
admin
May 12, 2014 at 5:04 pm
No but maybe a shortened version will.
Rachel
May 7, 2014 at 10:51 am
Boyfriend broke up with me because he’s depressed, says he needs space to sort himself out. I want to do the no contact rule but in 30 days but i’ll be going to Spain for 2 months and then he’ll be travelling to Ecuador for 2 months… so it’s going to be like a 4 month no contact rule. By the time we both come home will it be too late to start trying to fix things and start texing again?
admin
May 7, 2014 at 3:49 pm
I don’t think it will.
Zlata
May 7, 2014 at 7:09 am
Today is May 7th. My ex have Birthday on May 19th. I am doing this NC thing now. Today is day 14. So, my question is, should I congratulate him on his Birthday or should I continue NC?
admin
May 7, 2014 at 3:19 pm
Nope continue NC
Zlata
May 7, 2014 at 7:13 am
He still havent contacted me. But, we are going to the same boarding school. I see him at breakfast, during school, lunch and dinner every day. I get a lot attention from other guys, and some of them are his friends. He is staring at me. This is creepy.. Like.. Why should he stare? He said that he has no longer feelings for me, so why?
admin
May 7, 2014 at 3:19 pm
Or he is extremely jealous of the attention you are getting.
ali
May 6, 2014 at 12:03 am
heyyy!!! Im portuguese, so excuse me for my mistakes writing! My ex and me finished because i’m pregnant. yes is stupid but its true… he didnt understand and we was screaming everytime so, he give up… but… sometimes he call me to ask if i have another one… he stay with me in doctors, he ask me if i met someone… so i think i loves me yet, but i did i terrible mistake! we talk about make love once a week!!!! And now he call me to know when i want… i say that i dont know and then i’ll tell him but iv got people saying that if i say no everytime, he can find someone else to do it… what i do? thank youuuu, you are amazing!!
admin
May 6, 2014 at 7:06 pm
I think the no contact rule might be perfect for you.
anusha
May 4, 2014 at 12:38 am
Hi.. My ex calledme on 8th da of nc period. I didnt pick it.
admin
May 6, 2014 at 6:58 pm
Thats great!
Shiny
April 30, 2014 at 10:25 am
Hi!
I had been in love with this guy for 17 years.We both are married with kids. We NEVER got physical, not even once. We just had a very unique soulmate relationship before our marriages and continued but never confessed our love for eachother. My husband got to know about this and we were separated for 9 years then he found me on FB and asked me to marry him coz he loved me and missed me all these years. But I was afraid of doing it because he was not ready to divorce his wife because in Islam one can keep four wives. we kept on talking and texting on phone. I met him only once that too at a public place for half an hour. Then again my husband found out and had beaten me to limit , informed my parents and was about to divorce me but then changed his mind. This Lover of mine did not contacted me again although my mother told him what happened. After two years I emailed him as I missed him so much, he replied but wasn’t that warm .I thought it was coz my mother and my husband abused him on the phone. I kept in touch with him for seven months . All this time he just replied my mails, texts and HARDLY initiated contact on his own. Then when I complained He goes He is too busy with business, tough life , can’t always reply and then broke up with me,,when once he told me he doesn’t want to get married again and I got infuriated and wrote an angry mail. After like two days, I begged him on mails to lets get together again. After 20 days he replied and said He still loved me but was changed. He phoned me and asked for my apology and told me First time verbally in bold words that he LOVED me, before that we never said it to each other verbally, just in letters.Strange relationship 🙂 I know. Then after a month he told me he divorced his wife but didn’t tell me the detalis . I tried a lot to make him share but he didn’t reply my mails , Gtalk texts etc. sometimes he did on whatsapp but very vague answers.Then after a month of this he told me he is back with his wife. I got so sick of it that i sent him a mail accusing he was avoiding me, after that he again broke up with me saying I was putting him under pressure and he is already sick of his marriage and its pressures. He threw me out of his Circles from Google. We are not conneceted on any other network. We live 25 KM apart so no chance of bumping into eacother. I love him so much and miss those times when when we were young and had such a good friendship( He is 45 and I am 37)
This time I am very angry because instead of trying to make things better he again broke up.
What should I do? Sometimes I think it is all my fault to make small things big but hen look at him what he does
MH
April 30, 2014 at 2:12 am
I went out on 3 dates with a guy. We had instant physical and emotional chemistry. On the 3rd date, he was acting funny. Anyway, that was the date where we were going to have sex that night. On that 3rd date, we started dancing on the dance floor. I gently pushed him away and danced in a dance circle. Anyway, I went to his place and I stayed the night.. I was not feeling well. I wanted to go home and he wanted me to stay. I stayed but left at 4 in the morning. Anyway, he wanted me to stay that day as well. The reason we don’t talk anymore is because 2 days after the 3rd date, I started texting and calling. I was the ultimate terrorist. He threatened to call the police and file a report. I stopped texting and calling him. Today makes my official day of NC. My 8th day. We stopped talking at the end of February. I want him back:( He wont respond to any of my texts or calls. Todays marks my 8th day of NC. Is there hope with only 3 dates and talking for a 1 month prior? We talked every darn minute. I do know that before we stopped talking, he was irritated at my texts.. But, I stopped.. Anyway, my only goal is to talk to him and continue dating him in the hopes that it will lead to solid relationship. Is there hope? HELP!
admin
April 30, 2014 at 1:50 pm
So, you two weren’t really dating officially yet?
MH
April 30, 2014 at 2:23 pm
We decided to become exclusive on that 3rd date. He told me to remove my profile off of plenty of fish. We met there. So I listened to him. That third date made us exclusive.
my only goal is to talk to him and continue dating him in the hopes that it will lead to solid relationship. Today marks day 9 of NC. Will NC work? Is there hope?
jenny
April 29, 2014 at 2:10 pm
so what am i supposed to do when he contacts me. we run into each other because we both continue to play water polo together, however it is with limited contact on my part. I am very good at pretending like he isn’t there, where previously we had a different type of interaction. So he still texts me, and the other day he said it was nice seeing me again…
should i stop attending the sport? I really don’t want to do that, and it is a very large group of players so it isn’t like its small and personal.
Lidia
April 29, 2014 at 9:20 am
Hi Chris..first of all thank you so much for what you are doing here..I think it’s a fantastic thing..I need to ask you something: my boy-friend and I broke up last week after 1,5 year. He decided to break up because he has found a job in another city and he doesn’t want a long distance relationship; he wrote me everything on whatsapp..after that I didn’t contact him at all (I didin’t know the NC rule, I’ve found this website a couple of days ago)..after a week of complete silence from both, he texted me (last sunday night) telling that he was coming back in town and if I wanted some explanation for his decision we could meet somewhere..I waited 24h to answer and told him that in these days I’m too busy and that I’m going for a trip abroad with a friend of mine for a week. I told him that, if he wants, we could meet after my return. After that I think he got upset because he answered that he doesn’t need this “meeting”, that it was for me and if I don’t want to talk about anything we just don’t meet. I answered him that I want to see him to bring him back some stuff he borrowed me. He first asked what kind of stuff and then wrote “all right, let’s meet after your return. I said ok and ended the conversation saying that I had to go. Now, Chris, what can I do now? Did I make a mistake answering him? Can I begin the NC period after bringing him back his things? I feel like I messed everything up 🙁
admin
April 30, 2014 at 1:21 am
He broke up with you on whatsapp?
You can still do NC!
Coz
April 29, 2014 at 12:20 am
How should I start the no contact? Currently we are speaking quite a lot but he “wants to be single”. Should I just randomly stop speaking to him or let him know that I don’t think we should talk anymore?
admin
April 30, 2014 at 1:05 am
Just stop talking to him. No warning at all.
wittykitty
April 28, 2014 at 11:55 pm
We had a volatile breakup. There was no choice at the time but for him to leave. It has been six weeks now. I started no contact 8 days ago but he text me pics of himself. Then he sent a text calling me by my nick name then sent me a short What’s up message on facebook(to my inbox we are not fb friends). He told me he did not want a relationship with me yet he still keeps contact why? I broke 8 days of NC and sent a short FB message: I need to deal with family issues. I want to delete my account altogether but I don’t want him to be upset. What does he want from me?? will NC help him want a relationship again? I just ignore him no matter what he says or texts?? I don’t want to be emotionally abusive. The main reason I initiated no contact is because he just seemed mean and angry. It’s easy to do no contact when he does not contact me but when he does I feel so wrong for not responding.
admin
April 30, 2014 at 1:08 am
There are no guarantees but NC can be extremely effective.
amy
April 28, 2014 at 11:14 pm
So out of the blue my boyfriend broke you with me of two years. I am 20 he is 24, and the break you shocked everyone. There were no signs and it was literally an overnight thing. He told me he didn’t feel it anymore and after the breakup the next day he told me he wanted to be friends, and it has been 4 weeks since. I didn’t know about no contact till today. Since we broke up he has texted me almost everyday. He starts the conversation often. He mentioned that he didn’t want to date anyone right now and wanted to be single. He also mentioned he wasn’t against trying later. Since it’s been a month can I still do no contact or is it too late? Thank you!
admin
April 30, 2014 at 1:03 am
Nope it is not too late.
Lidia
April 28, 2014 at 9:10 pm
Hi Chris..first of all thank you so much for this website, I think it is a fantastic thing what you are doing here. I have to ask you a question: I’ve just read this section about the NC rule, I didn’t know it and I’m afraid I did a mistake with my ex..
After a relationship of 1,5 years (more or less) he left me saying that he is going to work to another city and that he don’t want a long distance story..he wrote me everything on whatsapp..after that I didn’t contact him and after a week of silence (yesterday) he text me saying that if I want to talk about something that is not clear he is in town and maybe we could meet..I texted him back the day after telling him that I was sorry but in these days I’m very busy and that I’m going to a travel for a week with a friend of mine and that, if he wants, we could talk when I come back..I think he just got upset be cause he answered after 2 sec saying that the “meeting” is not for him but is for me and if I don’t want to talk of anything we just don’t meet..I replied that more than talk I want to bring him back some things he borrowed to me..after that he took a few minutes to answer back and just said “all right then, let’s meet when you come back..” Now..what should I do? Did I totally mess up everything? Can I still begin the NC after I bring his things back? Thank you of all and sorry for my english, I’m italian..
admin
April 30, 2014 at 1:02 am
Ok, first thing. Don’t just read this guide on NC. Read the other ones as well.
Nata
April 28, 2014 at 6:32 am
Hey Chris, I need your help so much!!! I have dated my bf for 8 months. We broke up in November. I initiated it, then wanted to get back he didn’t feel like it. We talked for few months while being so called broken up. During this few months I did calling, texting, and also went to his work lace once. Anyways, I made sure to push him away. 🙁 I stopped contact with him 42 days ago. I miss him so much and I have decided not to contact him until he would, but unfortunately he didn’t contact me. I know he is angry and bit hurt as I have done many immature things during our dating. Well, long story short, I emailed him today, was missing him so much 🙁 I emailed him saying,” I don’t know what I did to you that you hate me so much, I hope you are doing well and everything is ok. He responded 2,5 hours later saying I don’t hate you. I am good how are you Irin jan. I haven’t responded him yet.
Please, am I disadvantage that he didn’t come to me? I was the one to innitiate the contact again? I want to tell you that he is a good guy, never said anything bad to me. The reason for break up was me not respecting him, also he said I took him for granted and I was acting insecure and too pushy. I love him, I love him with all my heart. During this 40 days I met many guys, went to gym, I work and ho to school, go out many times during the week, I look amazing and I take care of myself well. I am so afraid he will be scared to try it. I haven’t responded him yet. Should I wait a day or two? I am so afraid I will have my heart broken although I know he misses and loves me too :)please, advise I need it so much now ))
admin
April 28, 2014 at 4:25 pm
No, I think you should respond to him.
Nata
April 29, 2014 at 1:01 am
Thank you so much. I hope something good comes out. I have not responded yet, but I am thinking to reply and ask if he has any changes or good news in life. (We were also friendly, and had a good connection until I messed it up). Then will see what happens. I am scared as I think he is a stubborn type but honestly I don’t wanna chase or pursue him if he still doesn’t want the relations. Last time when I talked to him he said his feelings changed and it’s dead. So I don’t know what to expect.
Thank you very much and will keep you posted Chris 🙂
Nata
April 30, 2014 at 3:33 am
Hey Chris. Please tell me of I made a mistake. He asked me what’s new with me and if I am seeing anyone. I said that everything is fine and moving forward. But not dating anyone. And that I am not rushing on that either. Honestly, I don’t want to lie to him to make home jelious as he hates that in me. O e if the big reasons of our break up was me doing it to him very often which he hates. So I didnt want to lie. The I said that it was nice chatting. He replied and I didn’t reply him back. I don’t know should I wait for him to initiate the next conversation ??or should I email in few days? I was not desperate or anything, we just asked how each of is doing and so on. He was replying really quickly but I was taking hours to respond 🙂 I liked that part lol
What you would advise me to do? Wait at this point and not to email him anymore ? He sees my photos on facebook so he knows I am doing done, seem happy, more fresh and sexy …and I am sure he was wondering if I do see anyone ))) Thank you please advise !!!!
Nata
May 1, 2014 at 6:50 am
Chris, please advise on my last comment above this!!! Thank you much