The No Contact Rule: A Powerful Strategy That Works On Your Ex

6,803 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)”

Tara

September 2, 2014 at 1:00 am

Hi im starting the NC today and i feel really like super anxious, and m also afraid that in this NC time my ex is going to be out with his female friends while im super sad that we broke up. i am really hurt by the way he reacted when we were about to break up, even we settled a date to say goodbye becasue we were going to do the NC, and the night before he went out to a bar with a new female friend, and he has been going out with this girl lately and im really hurt by that, he just met her and we have been together for 3 years. Why does he prefer taking care of a new friendship than taking care of me?

admin

September 2, 2014 at 1:57 pm

Does he have romantic feeligns for this girl?
Tara

September 17, 2014 at 3:50 am

umm i really dont know but i know that he does love me, but he is like in a phase of wanting freedom, but i would never do the kind of things he does like going out partying with some guy i just met, i have done the NC and im in day 16 he hasnt contacted me but i know he will…

Pancake

September 1, 2014 at 11:37 pm

Hi Chris,

My situation is a bit complicated. We broke up just today, he forced me to move my stuff out of his house. We had been arguing in the past a lot because I always accused him being cold to me when I was sad. We have been together for a year and half. He cheated on me 4 times when the first half year we were together, he didn’t say sorry about it, instead he called out break up. I knew he’s always that kind of person who cannot keep himself away from other girls in the beginning of our relationship, so I decided to wait for him to change. We had a really deep conversation about his cheating, and we still decided to be together afterwards. He promised he won’t do it again. But from that moment on, I didn’t trust him any more. I became obsessive and clingy just to make sure he won’t cheat again. It went ok for a long time like 8 months. But we still argued during that time because of something else. He never cheated on me again since then. Recently, we had gone into really big arguments for some small issues, both of us were stressed out. Just today, things went exploded. I had a serious conversation with him, he said he didn’t love me that much any more and forced me to move my stuff out of his place. He said he wants his single life back. But I don’t want to let him go, because he’s been doing so well unless some small cold issues. He’s a valuable person despite his cheating issue. He cried twice over the last 1 year when I was about to leave him. He cried today again when I hugged him, but he still pushed me out. I really don’t understand any more. I wanted him back. Should I wait for 30 days NC rule?

admin

September 2, 2014 at 1:53 pm

4 times with one girl or 4 times with 4 girls?
pancake

September 2, 2014 at 5:13 pm

4 times with 4 girls within half year. He had habit to have open relationships before he got into relationship with me. After half year and I talked to him very seriously, he changed his habit. But I think he couldn’t hold too long. He’s still talking to girls randomly on the phone. He is too young and wild, only 23 years old. I’m 26. I guess it is not the right way to be continue with him. But overall, he’s a good boy on other aspects. It’s so hard for me to make decision.
Pancake

September 2, 2014 at 12:18 am

Also, he said he’s stressed out, he couldn’t have his personal life. He wants his freedom to come back again. But at the same time, he cried when I hugged him and said “I can never hug you like this any more”. I don’t understand, if he really didn’t love me any more and wanted me get out of his life so bad, why would he cried when I said that? He already cried twice in the past when I said the same thing. And I also remember the second last time I said that, he sat on the ground and his tears dropping off like water fall.I really don’t understand what is that.

Liliana

September 1, 2014 at 8:36 pm

Hi Chris,

sometime i see my ex do i have to avoid eye contact or not? and When he has a new girlfriend do you need to do the no contact rule still? and next week it is my birthday if he send me a message should i respond if im in the no cantact period? or not?
Emily

September 1, 2014 at 7:33 pm

Hi, I just broke up with my ex-bf 2 days ago. Our relationship were really toxic especially towards me (mind you this is just my side of the story). I endure so much pain because I felt like he was emotionally abusing me. He was still with his ex gf when he started messing with me and I have to take part in the faults because I found out later after I fell madly “inlove” with him that he had a gf. He has a reputation for sleeping around but I found that later after we were together. He disrespects me in a lot of ways but I do address it when it was just the two of us calmly like adults for the countless times. It just keep happening and then I start going crazy. He start getting into my business telling me why I should be friends with this guy and he dislikes me hanging out with my gfs. It’s because I use to mess around with girls but not like that, just drunk making out ugh. That was kinda messed up but I wasn’t even dating anybody or we were something that time. So I stopped talking to my guy friends. When I hangout with my gfs he would throw a fit of why did I left him for so long and that I rather hangout with my friends than with him. So I pretty much cut down hanging out with my friends. I would always be at his place so that I wouldn’t have to take shi* for hanging out just for an hour. I never asked him to stop anything or tell h what to do. That is how I am. I always let him hangout with his friends, do whatever he wants while I sit at his place doing nothing. The only thing I ever asked him was to stop inviting girls he had slept with to the house parties, stop lying and stop going over to his ex’s house (maybe I’m selfish but I just felt super disrespected on that). It took a matter of life and death situation (very stupid) for him to actually listen to me. It wasn’t my intention. I just felt like at that time nothing works so I rather just…yea anyways. He slowed down drinking he said he’ll stop if I want him to, and I said that I can’t stop him from something he wants to do. I never once broke his heart because I “loved” him that much. But he couldn’t stop breaking mine. It’s like he has to slap me around or mess up to act like he cares. His defence is that he always cared but couldn’t show it. Finally I decided to have a second job because I had bills that were catching up and he was leeching off of me eventhough we both pay for our own bills and he makes double as I make. Apparently he didn’t like it because he wouldn’t see me often. What did it for me was that I desperately needed his time, I was just super needy and it just so happen it’s that time of the month. I asked him for just an hour of his time coz I just saw him for the first time that day and he said he’ll see because he has to go hangout with his friends. Now the table is turned on me. So I felt horrible and asked for 15mins instead. I just wanted him to hold me that’s all I wanted but he said he doesn’t know with all his other friends excuses. I literally cried and beg for his time. I felt so pathetic doing that. He couldn’t care less. He stayed and made me feel bad about it so after 5 minutes I decided to go home. I broke up with him through txt messages because breaking up with him in person never works. I already know he slept with another girl whose also known for sleeping around not even a full day of our breakup (I don’t understand why some guys do this. Maybe he never loved me) and then decided to be silent for a whole day and partied the next night and text me the next morning saying drinking doesn’t help he still loves me and he still thinks of me. Since I’m on my second day NC rule I didn’t respond so he just text a … followed by a second text of a plain sorry. I’m not planning to text him until the 30 days are up but I’m confuse with what I want. I miss him but I know I’m better off without him yet again I still want him. I’m already working on getting physically better going to the gym (it’s just the second day) and determine to utilize my time for work and getting my health and physical state back to where I was. Pretty sure he knows I’m ignoring him but with his playa personality, I know we have our happy moments, would he even miss me at all or would he just move on to the next girl? I’m doing this for myself but a part of me just want him to feel that he lost something really good and he treated me really badly…..must be my pride or something. Sorry I wrote so much. If you took time to read this thank you in advance.

admin

September 2, 2014 at 1:33 pm

I am sorry you had to go through this.

I think he misses you at times but I also think he is a scumbag… all the signs are there.

Briana

September 1, 2014 at 6:37 am

His birthday is day 20 of NC should I send him a text saying Happy Birthday or just continue to not talk or answer calls.

admin

September 2, 2014 at 12:33 pm

Just continue NC.

Nik

August 29, 2014 at 7:42 pm

I was with my girlfriend for 4 years and she loved me to death and everything was perfect. I’m 21 and she’s 19. She stared hanging out with a new friend. A girl and my girlfriend started changing in how she acted with me. The new friend is into going to party’s and stuff every night and seems to sleep with a lot of people. My girlfriend broke up with me and told me she didn’t love me no more. And I went crazy. I spammed her and went to her work once. I texted her friend and everything. I went nuts and told her that I couldn’t sleep or eat or anything. She told me there was no way she would ever come back to me and that she just wants to be single and go out and party with friends. I eventually found out she was in contact with her ex boyfriend. Who is a felon and I know her family hates the guy and she knows I hate the guy. She says she’s just hanging out with him everyonce in a while to party with. But it made me freak out. I called her bad names and her friend bad names in text messages that I regret. She blocked me off FB Twitter and Instagram. Drama and me begging for her back went on for about 1 month.I sent her one last text saying that I was sorry and that I love her and always will. Now I’m starting the no contact. I just don’t know weather it’s to late after begging and saying mean things to her. I still just feel the new friend changed her and she’s stuck in this phase. And I also don’t know weather to text her in 30days or wait tell she texts me.

admin

September 2, 2014 at 12:14 pm

Hi Nik!

I’d like to direct you over to my other site, Ex Girlfriend Recovery.
Nik

August 31, 2014 at 4:05 pm

And also the family’s and friends kinda got involved so it’s a big mess now. I just don’t know what to do

nancyzaky

August 29, 2014 at 1:15 pm

thank you very much .you are brilliant i followed your instructions and stopped contacting my ex right after the break up for 4 months. me and my bf broke up in April i did not know the reason as he started to make excuses i did not know what to believe then i blocked him . i’m a beautiful 22 years old woman i have an amazing body and he is 40 so it was shocking to me as i was nice and caring and very loyal to him . in may he texted me hi but i did not respond . again in june he texted again acting all nice sending pics of him to me so i told him that i miss him too then the next day he stopped texting so i ignored him back . a week ago he texted me again saying that he misses me and he was trying very hard to get my attention but this time i was acting cold and i asked him what he want from me so he started to explain to me the reason why he broke up with me and it was because the week i visited him i had bad breath . i was shocked and embarrassed i did not know what to say . so i told him that was the shallowest thing i have ever heard and he could have told me to fix it and act mature about it. then i told him to move on and find someone else because we are over for good and i don’t have any feelings for him . now my question is , is he hurt by me now ? what a man feels about being turned down that way ? is there any chance he would contact me again because im still in love with him and kind of regretting it to be honest which i know it is stupid .

admin

September 2, 2014 at 11:57 am

Probably ,remember men always want what they can’t have.
nancyzaky

September 4, 2014 at 2:26 am

should i text him and apologize for the way i talked ? i really do not want to lose him and i wish i didnt tell him we are over for good .
admin

September 4, 2014 at 12:26 pm

Wouldn’t hurt to do that after NC.
nancyzaky

September 4, 2014 at 2:14 pm

you mean i should wait for a month or so to text him ?
admin

September 5, 2014 at 11:59 am

Yep

Liliana

August 29, 2014 at 12:43 pm

Chris your site is AMAZING!! LOVE IT. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.

admin

September 2, 2014 at 11:33 am

Your welcome your welcome!!!

CC

August 28, 2014 at 11:51 pm

I don’t know what to do. I’m devastated over my breakup from my ex. We were together over 2 years, and it was pretty toxic. We moved in together quickly, I began having anxiety soon after moving in bc of doubts places in my mind after he called me his (very recent) ex’s name as we were moving stuff in and I found out he was still talking to her after we moved in together and was lying to her about what he was doing while he was with me. He was very distrusting of me. Asking me multiple times per day who I talked to- even though I work from home. Then my anxiety got to us both I became less focused on him and more focused on making myself feel better and then he quit his job which made it worse and i was even more frustrated and stressed and I’m sure I nagged a lot. I started working out a lot and he got mad at me bc he felt I was just trying to get away from him. Then after months of him having no job I found out he had cheated on me with women on fb- making multiple women believe he was their soulmate. I stayed with him after that and tried to ” be better” since I kinda felt like my lack of attention to him was the reason for it- he required a lot of attention. Then we stuck it out a little over a year longer where my trust for him was hardly existent and he never trusted me even though I loved him like crazy and would never ever cheat on him. He never wanted to do anything with me or that I wanted to do. We brought out the worst In each other and fed off of each other’s negativity. He neve We both said hateful things to each other and I have no idea why. It’s like we purposely got under each other’s skin but at the same time we wanted to stop doing that to each other but didn’t know how to. All I ever wanted was for us to get our shit together and get it right. Bc at the end of the day I could look in his eyes and I felt like he was special to me and I couldn’t see myself with anyone else. I only wanted him, I just wanted us to be what I knew we should have been. So 3 months ago we broke up, i lived there another month where things were great, then moved out and month 2 of the breakup wasn’t so bad– new place to keep me busy. Month 3 though has been pure hell. We still spoke to each other and he still asked who I was talking to, and then he slowly stopped asking that and started only talking to me at work– we work at the same place now- he can message me since I work from home. Well I tried to do no contact 2 times before I knew it was a thing, and we’d not talk for 2 days and he would messge me again saying how dumb it is that we can’t be friends, so if give In. Today I went total no contact after we had a conco this morning and told him if I am gonna move on, we gotta stop. He got upset and said he didn’t like it, but understands and he continued messaging me but I didn’t reply, and got pretty upset about that. He said he” never wanted me completely out of his life but if thats what I wanted then fine, bye”. I go to check fb tonight and yes- I looked him up and see that he blocked me. …. I miss this man despite all this. I am angry at us for letting our relationship become so toxic when I know it could have been so much more. I’m a loving person and I hate the side of me that I allowed to come through. I feel like I should have tried harder to be better and maybe he would have too. Help meeeee

admin

August 29, 2014 at 12:10 pm

What do you think the contributing factors were for him that made it so toxic?
CC

August 29, 2014 at 1:30 pm

All of those things. It’s like him calling me his ex’s name and lying to her about what he was doing when he was with me as I had just uprooted my life to live with him planted the seed of doubt in my mind. Then he didn’t trust me from the time we lived together- for nothing I had done. He wanted us each to have access to each other passwords to Facebook and email- ok- I had nothing to hide. But then my anxiety kicking in made him feel like I wasn’t giving him the necessary attention, then him losing his job and not actively trying to help me, and cheating on me, then loss of trust. And just last night after I implemented no contact and he blocked me on fb, he re added the main girl he had cheated on me with, which was an entire new level of heartbreak. . ( I have family still friends with him on fb). I am realizing though that maybe I had just put him on a pedestal he didn’t deserve bc looking back, he was with his ex while talking to me, making me think he was so unhappy and using all the same lines he used while cheating on me. He was good with words and had a sweet voice and face and he made me feel like maybe I was special, which is how he made women feel while he cheated on me too. See, I’m a mom of a young child and I uprooted everything to give him a place to call home after he and his ex ( of 4 months) split. Stupid me, I know- bc I now see I wasn’t special, I was a back up plan. A rebound. And I gave him a home and his band a place to practice when his life was falling apart at that time. It wasn’t just he and I. It was me, him, my son, and his band mate all living together. He just never wanted me to do anything at all without him, but he never wanted to do anything. Ever. So I my mind, he was a little controlling for always asking who I talked to and never wanting me to leave or hang out with people– so I’d get frustrated and independent. But then id always feel like a bad guy for getting frustrated bc he was usually sweet about it and just made it seem like he just loved me and wanted to spend all his time with me. To this day, I still don’t know if my frustrations were just me being a bitch or him just being controlling. I know I didn’t like myself when I was with him. He pushed my buttons. But like I said on my earlier post- I only just wanted us to figure it out and get it right bc I loved him and felt like we were capable of so much more than that pain we caused each other.
admin

September 2, 2014 at 11:59 am

Sounds like HE is the one who can’t be trusted.

Maryanne

August 28, 2014 at 9:40 pm

Hello Chris,
RI followed the N/C rule.
My ex text me asking to meet up this weekend (1 week after the breakup) is it too soon?

P.s. Thanks for this site, you have done a great job 🙂

admin

August 29, 2014 at 12:05 pm

Probably but i’d still take the date.
Maryanne

August 30, 2014 at 12:05 am

Thanks for the reply

Liliana

August 28, 2014 at 5:59 pm

Hi Chris,
Can this no contact rule and this method also work for me. I was in a relationship for 3 months im wondering if the 30 days will work for me.

thank you.

admin

August 29, 2014 at 11:58 am

Yes! Maybe 21 days instead though.

sara

August 28, 2014 at 5:37 pm

My ex said he sees no future with us couple of times every time I told him to give us a chance. We broke up 8months ago. And I do want him back. Will the no contact apply?

admin

August 29, 2014 at 11:58 am

Yep!

Jade

August 28, 2014 at 3:38 pm

Hello, after the 30 days NC my ex sent me a text so he initiated contact first, I didn’t reply straight away it left it for a few hours, well all day I left it to reply! I simply replied positively and how much fun I was having etc in regards to his question also asked how his holidays have been? Now I have replied its like he’s turned the tables, I’ve not had a reply off him even though he initiated contact first. I know I shouldn’t expect a reply but what do you think the next step should be? Do I reach out or just sit and wait for him to reply. It’s like he’s read your website :/

admin

August 29, 2014 at 11:55 am

Hahaha I doubt he’s read this site… Maybe my other site Ex Girlfriend Recovery though.

No worries, Wait a few days and text him again. This time don’t wait as long to respond ok 🙂
Jade

August 29, 2014 at 12:13 pm

Honest I was thinking oh no what if he’s doing the NC too and reading the site just as I am haha. Since my message he has replied a numerous of times, a little flirtatious too, cheeky 😉 although I don’t think he will have the guts to ask me out if he wanted to?(I mean out to socialise) I have a slight hint of UG(ungettable girl) I think. Do I just leave the texts going for as long as I can? He needs to see me looking good, sexy and fit 😉 but that obviously won’t happen over sms haha!!
Jade

August 30, 2014 at 2:15 pm

Honest I was thinking oh no what if he’s doing the NC too and reading the site just as I am haha. Since my message he has replied a numerous of times, a little flirtatious too, cheeky although I don’t think he will have the guts to ask me out if he wanted to?(I mean out to socialise) I have a slight hint of UG(ungettable girl) I think. Do I just leave the texts going for as long as I can? He needs to see me looking good, sexy and fit but that obviously won’t happen over sms haha!!

So this was my post above 2days ago!! And believe or not he’s turned the tables again, he just left the conversation without replying! I’m so bloody confused as one min he’s all flirty and really engaging conversation with interest and the next he’s just non existent. I’m one for working things out if it’s worth it, and with my past he certainly is worth it! Don’t get me wrong him not replying is driving me crazyyyy so I understand how he felt during the contact and been in this position makes me want him much more. Do you have any advice on how and what to do with the situation? I’m stuck now he’s not engaging contact :/ ps. Thank you so much for replying to my post, means a lot that you can take the time out to reply to us heartbroken girlies 😉

Kris

August 27, 2014 at 11:11 pm

chris i want to pick your brain for a second. i completed my NC period and after 35 days sent my initial text to my ex. he responded and hour later. i responded to his text and then got no further response from him. you already mentioned trying to establish more of a conversation with him.
but what are your thoughts on an additional NC period? and waiting another 21-30 days before trying to establish more of a conversation?

admin

August 28, 2014 at 12:36 pm

Wait a week and try again.

Chatnoir

August 27, 2014 at 1:59 pm

Hi,

I could use some help, I would be very grateful for you answer or advice.
The 30 days of no contact expired and we talked. It went surprisingly, since it was he, who contacted me first and tried to make a casual conversation. So everything went really well, until the dialogue became deeper. It was nothing like a fight or an argument, we just started to talk about what went wrong in our relationship and admitted mistakes, misunderstandings. None of us was as defensive as we were at the break up, so finally we could talk about these honestly. The bad thing was that both of us got kinda emotional, he cried, I cried, not in a desperate way, it was more because of the many good memories which we recalled. We both realized and agreed that we are not stabile yet emotionally, and it will be better to avoid contact for a while again.
I don’t know what to think; is it posivite or negative? I am happy because I know that he still misses me and we discussed our relationship really well, but yet it feels like a second break up, to me. Do you think that there is still hope?

admin

August 28, 2014 at 12:36 pm

I think its more positive than negative.
Chatnoir

August 27, 2014 at 2:01 pm

*It went surprisingly well

Liliana

August 27, 2014 at 1:48 pm

I didn’t know that I am not allowed to respond because I found your site after he contacted me. did I mess it up?

admin

August 28, 2014 at 12:33 pm

Well, yes but you can just do thing sright from this point on.

Peardrops

August 26, 2014 at 7:40 pm

Hi All

Im really heartbroken at the moment, I’ve just recently split up from my boyfriend of 2 years as I caught him out talking to others girls and acting like hes single, And the constant lies is what made me broke it off, I told him hes been dumped and then I tried to be amicable on the phone and he put the phone down on me and shouted that “I dumped him” Then the next day he started being abusive telling me to forget him and don’t contact him,and saying he hates me, wishing me and 1 of my kids were run over by a bus, That’s a lot of anger!! why has he reacted like this? and will we ever talk again

admin

August 28, 2014 at 12:06 pm

Definitely think the NC rule is right up your ally.

ale

August 26, 2014 at 2:23 pm

Hi chris. I need advice (or probably just to hear it again). my ex contacted me again after 6 months he broke up with me. we met, talked, he kissed me (then said he felt almost as he was pushed to do it, despite he did it all and kept behaving like a teenager with me all day) but then told me he is dating 4 girls, he is under the weather (depressed) and that helps him. I told him last week that I don’t want to be one of many, I want to the one for someone, and therefore I told him I was backing off. he said stuff like I make him sad, and, when challenged 9like the kiss bit) he said it’s because I remind him of a part of himself he wants to distance from. We said goodbye and left, the next day he texted to say he felt bad, he is lost, doesn’t know what to do, doesn’t want to disrespect me and him, or slide back, doesn’t want to lose me. I told him maybe he needs to lose me to see things, and he closed off with “much love”. then contacted me again the next day, and I said the backing off means no text, I was disappearing to see if we would both see things, to which he replied disappear then. first week, no attempt at contact. I am finding myself paranoid as I know he dates and I keep checking connection times on whatssap (stupid technology). my friends say he doesn’t care about me at all, I just make him feel better as I am the only person who truly saw something in him and could challenge him (his so called best friend doesn’t give him advice because they don’t want to patronize each other, and he is apparently offended with me because at a dinner, to make small talk, I suggested he spoke to my friend, who works in the same field and maybe could help him out), and the ones who did challenge him he pushed them away… I feel of course lost. what do you think?

admin

August 28, 2014 at 11:50 am

Dating 4 girls at once?
ale

August 29, 2014 at 1:11 pm

yes he said he needs to meet people. should i simply let him go? i find it really hard not to think it is me who is not good enough, instead of thinking it is his loss. i am also alienating my friends because all i think and talk about is him and how i am feeling… what should i do?

Gabriella

August 26, 2014 at 12:52 am

Hi! im really sad because i broke up with my boyfriend 3 days ago and we havent had any contact but i miss him so much, he didn´t want to break up he wanted to take a time but in this time we could talk and see each other but not as often as always i told him that i thought that was a terrible idea and that if we took our time then we should break up definately, and i have been telling him that he has changed a lot like a month ago, and 2 weeks ago i told him that we should take a time of no contact and he told me that we wanted to keep contact with me, but i never felt him like he was worried or sad although we have been together for more that 3 year, and he started hanging out with some new friends, and what made me the saddest person is when i tried to talk to him and he would be with his friends and he didnt try to call me or anything, he even told me that the only night i was too tired to talk with him because i had to works all day, he told him than he spent like 3 hours on skype talking to a new friend from seattle, and then one day after we broke up i sent to him a video i have make for our anniversary, i thought we would thank me but no he said that i only did gifts for him just waiting for him to give thing too. well the day we broke up he told me that he had came to the beach and i live really close to the beach, he told me that he came to run in the beach with his new friend named samara and my heart broke into pieces to know that we were in the middle of breaking up and he was running with a friend! a complete stranger and he cared more about that than about me.

im just really sad and i dont know what to do.
thanks Chris!
KCLonging

August 25, 2014 at 7:48 pm

Hi Chris,

Mine is a long and complicated story so I will try and cut to the chase quickly. I met my ex when I was 16. He was 18. He had just broken up with his gf when we started dating. We had an instant attraction to one another and I fell hard and fast for him. After a fairly brief relationship, he pulled away saying he was “confused”. His ex had recently begun contacting him again. We broke up. I was heartbroken. We remained in contact as we were part of the same social group. Just when I started to move on and become happy, he would show back up in my life where I least expected him. This went on for years. I eventually married. He married almost exactly one year later to the day (to the other girl I’ve already mentioned). He has been separated/divorced for over five years (he’s suffered several devastating tragedies) and the divorce was not his idea. A year ago, he contacted me through Facebook (after over 20 years of not speaking or seeing each other) to say he was sorry, that he had really loved me and that it was a mistake he’s had to live with. I was married at the time but have since separated. The separation was brewing before he re-appeared. We began an emotional affair and since my separation, we have hugged, kissed, snuggled, even SLEPT together (no sexual activity, just spooning). He has said all along that he is not ready for a relationship and that we need to take things slow (ummmm…I’m still married so I was okay with this plan). Yet he has introduced me to his sons, re-introduced me to his mother and spent alot of time talking to his friends and even his ex about me. His ex is still in his life 2-3 times a week (though she doesn’t really NEED to be at this point). He has continued to put her first meaning he has only been willing to schedule time with me around his time with her. Anyway, after making out one night he stopped and said, I feel like I’m cheating on my wife…WHAT??? To add insult to injury, he added another “old friend” into the mix without telling me about it and actually lied to me about it when directly asked…he eventually came clean (while telling me it was none of my business) though he SWEARS she’s just a friend and always has been (she’s married too). So after the cheating comment, I basically told him I couldn’t do this anymore. He is sooooooo angry with me. I have contacted him a couple of times in the last month (for various reasons some of which having to do with practical matters we needed to handle) and he has been very frosty if he responds at all (this after telling me he doesn’t want to lose all contact). There is so much more to this story but the basic bottom line is that over the past year he has said all kinds of things to make me believe that he wanted things to work with me and when we were together, he was soooo affectionate and sweet and loving. I don’t think he knows what he wants. I have been in love with this guy for 34 years. I HATE that we can’t seem to figure our relationship out. We went from talking every day and seeing each other a couple of times a week to no contact. I did unfriend him on FB and I did ask my friend to stop updating me on his posts (which all seemed to reference what was happening with us) but who really knows? I just feel lost and don’t know what to do…HELP!

admin

August 26, 2014 at 1:34 pm

Man you guys are all tangled up in this situation. It is so complicated huh?
KCLonging

August 26, 2014 at 4:00 pm

To say the least. Ugh…
KCLonging

September 12, 2014 at 7:00 pm

Went 19 days (the longest we’ve ever gone without communicating) and he texted me yesterday saying Hope ur ok. You really hurt my feelings. I thought I could tell you my feelings. I didn’t realize it would make you mad. I’m sorry…REALLY?? He wants to be friends again. I told him that before that can happen, we need to sit down and talk. He said, IDK. I said, well then, let’s leave things as is until you are ready to do that. He said ok. Now what??
KCLonging

October 14, 2014 at 1:01 am

The NC thing worked. He’s baaaacccckkkkk!!! I’m still taking it very slow with him but he’s working at it and that makes me happy. With our 34 year history, it’s worth fighting for…
admin

October 14, 2014 at 3:58 pm

GOOD FOR YOU!!!

So happy to hear this.

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