The No Contact Rule: A Powerful Strategy That Works On Your Ex

6,803 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)”

Averey

September 29, 2014 at 7:03 pm

Just started the NC with a guy I never dated but really like. He usually is the one leaving me hanging. I’m normally the last to text even though I always tell myself not to respond. I finally put my foot down after reading this and just stopped contacting him.

It’s only been 3 maybe 4 hours and he has already texted me three times. I’ve never seen him act like this before. It’s empowering! Hopefully this changes the way he views me and starts taking my feelings more seriously. Or maybe (hopefully?) the opposite and I can finally move on. All I know is I deserve to be treated better.

Thank you!

admin

September 30, 2014 at 2:55 pm

NC really is only supposed to be for people you have dated.
Averey

September 30, 2014 at 4:11 pm

hmmm..

ale

September 29, 2014 at 4:39 pm

hi chris. it’s been around 5/6 weeks since we last spoke/ seen each other. i told him i was backing off since he wants to date the 4 girls he is dating and i want a relationship. he got angry, saying i don’t understand him and that i make him sad (despite him getting in touch originally and him asking me to go out) but when i asked him to say why i make him sad, he couldn’t reply. i told him maybe it is because i remind him of how he can be and he nodded. the next day he texted saying he felt bad, didn’t know what to do, didn’t want to disrespect me or himself, slide back, but didn’t want to lose me. i told him maybe he should lose me to see what he feels. the next day he contacted me again with the excuse of some guy faking his own death to dump his girlfriend, saying that is emotional avoidance but he is not so bad. i told him again backing off means no texting (too easy otherwise, you go out, sleep with these girls, then i am there for the intelligent talks) and that i was disappearing hoping it would be good to us both. he went rude again saying disappear then, for which i told him off, and then sad don’t drag it out. haven’t heard from him since, not even a text on my birthday. today i bumped into his instagram by accident (thanks to a friend) and he has pictures with me in it, pictures i took last year on holiday. one of the pictures was one i took in june last year, him writing, and he says something like “struggle to write but the camera doesn’t care#separations” – the hashtag was the title of the email he sent when got in touch, and dates about 5 weeks ago. i miss him, despite everything. i don’t seem to be able to move on because i cannot accept why getting in touch, kiss me, behave like a boyfriend for a day, say i would make you happy, then backing off, pushing me away and retracting the apologies… thoughts? ideas? help? thank you.

admin

September 30, 2014 at 2:47 pm

FOUR OTHER GIRLS!!!!

Are you serious???
Ale

September 30, 2014 at 9:07 pm

Yes I am unfortunately. Don’t get me wrong, he knows I am not happy with it. Fair to say we have not been together for six months so he can do what he wants, it just bothers me that he got in touch, gave mixed signals then backed off. He is going through heavy stuff (finally accepting the abuse he suffered) and I guess it is a way to escape reality of a relationship. I got in touch today after 7 weeks of no contact to say what I believe and feel. He replied saying he misses me and would like to leave the past behind. Thoughts? I know this is not the average simple thing, mostly because of the heavy stuff he suffered in his childhood, and yes, I agree with your feeling of puzzlement…
admin

October 1, 2014 at 3:49 pm

Seems like a good response. Do you have any plans to see him again?
ale

October 1, 2014 at 11:21 pm

Maybe next week. I am trying not expect much nor repeat my mistakes. I told him right now I don’t want to know about dating but only why we have such a strong connection, he agreed and said this is why he replied. Gave me compliments on my looks and asked if I could help him out with his look, and generally been chatting. I am aware a lot has been said and done and the dating buggers me, but it’s either we manage to move forward or worst it can happen I will keep feeling like this. I feel I have nothing to lose… He seems more open so fingers crossed, but I am trying to keep it real.

Chris

September 18, 2014 at 7:07 pm

Hi
My girlfriend of 4 months broke up with me for the 2nd time two days ago. Both times have been because her feelings simply dissapear after a while. She told me this was the 3rd time this has happened to her, and that she simply thinks that she’s not ready for a relationship. The last time she broke up with me, I applied the NC rule for over a month before she told me that she wanted me back.
My questions are: how do I know when the NC rule starts working? And how do I know when I’m ready to be friends with her again? We have been friends for over 3 years, and both of us feel that we need each other in our lives. (Even if it’s not on a relationship level) Note that I’m not trying to get her back.. “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me”
Thank you,
Chris

admin

September 29, 2014 at 12:44 pm

Hi Chris,

I would love to direct you to my other site, Ex Girlfriend Recovery.

Marisol

September 15, 2014 at 10:45 pm

I came across your article today and I’m hooked. I will make this short since you get plenty of emails. I have been dating my ex for 10 years on and off because he has cheated and enjoy the party life. We decided to buy a house and move in together he claims he was ready to make this work, we had our ups and down fixing and remolding the home and after 3 months a found out he was talking to the same girl he cheated on me before. I told him that it was better if we go our separate ways and he told me ” I won’t come back if a step out of this house” It’s been 2 months and I miss him so much and wish things will be different, we text at least 4 times per week but never to get back because his really upset I kicked him out. I spoke to him today and he told me that he doesn’t know what he wants or if he wants to work things out anymore, he hasn’t show me any effort to making things work out because his really mad and hurt. My question for you is what should I do should I ignore his messages and if I do what should be the last thing I should tell him before ignoring him completely. I wish I can go more into detail but I know you have more people to help out. He tells me I love you and miss you but this will not work and his Ego is so big it won’t allow him to look beyond that.
Thank you,
Marisol Guzman

admin

September 16, 2014 at 3:22 pm

Hi Marisol,

First off, I am glad you left him. He is a scumbag who cheated on you multiple times. Men like that shouldn’t be rewarded with a good girl like you. Tell me, how long have you don the NC rule for?

Loni

September 14, 2014 at 11:48 pm

Chris

My boyfriend of seven months told me he didn’t know how to move forward now. The reason is because I confided in him an issue that I am having with my adult children. I lied to my children and told them I had cancer. My oldest son came to vist and met my boyfriend and didn’t like him, this bothered me and me and my son got into a disagreement. I thought my son and I resolved it, but I was wrong, my son was still upset with me. Meanwhile, my daughter tells my sons I put something on her credit report without her knowledge, which is not true, she knew. My oldest son put a negative comment on FB about me so I got angry and told them I had cancer and they wouldn’t have to worry about me being around to make their life horrible for much longer. Now I’ve learned that my daughter is trying to press charges against me.

My boyfriend is botherd by the cancer lie. He said he never thought I would do something like that and how wrong I am. I have been going to him on many occasions crying because my children are angry with me and won’t talk to me, he just didn’t know why, as I didn’t tell him until last weekend. This has been going on since June, but my boyfriend didn’t find out the reason until last weekend.

I was in a trial for a week and we didn’t see each other for five days. We spent last weekend together and things were good. He called me like normal and then by Wednesay, he indicated I wasn’t going to see him until the next day and I told him I didn’t like it and he said I know, but I’m not going anywhere, I’m right here. He came over on Thursday, he knew I had cooked dinner for him. He said he wasn’t hungry. He had that look of wanting to talk and that is when he told me he felt like he hit a brick wall and didn’t know how to move forward in our relationship. He didn’t break up that I know of. We have necklaces that we wear with each other’s name on them and he still has his on. He told me how wrong I was for what I said. I told him he was judging me on what I said to my children and not on my actions during our relationship. I told him what I said was wrong and I am paying for it everyday I don’t get to talk to my children, but that what I said, does not define me or my character. He agreed. He did say that his feelings had changed a little. He said he don’t do drama and that this is drama. I’m baffled by it because all week he has been loving, calling like usual, saying smooches when he hangs up, even that night when he left, he hugged me, kissed me and told me smooches.

This isn’t the first time he has broke up with me and I have always blamed myself, but this time, I don’t feel like I did anything wrong, I confided in him and he not only judged me, he is holding it against me and I guess punishing me and walking out on me.

I called him the next day and we talked like normal, until I asked if we were doing anything his weekend we had planned to go to a football game and he said he didn’t want to go, I asked if we were gonna spend any time together this week end and he said, I told you I don’t want to be bothered. I asked him did you break up with me yesterday and I just missed if, he said, what did you learn from our conversation yesterday and I said, I don’t know, I’m kinda confused. I asked again if I missed something from yesterday’s conversation, did he break up and he never responded. He was just quiet. I said should I just let you go and he said yes. I haven’t heard from him since. I’ve never thought that he would cheat he doesn’t seem like the type at all.

I’m at a lose right now on what if anything to do, I’m confused how something with my children directly has impacted his feelings of me and our relationship. We have a blast together, laugh and have the same life wants. His girls love me and i love them, he and I have traveled and had so many great times together, but it’s like once a month or so he withdrawals from me for some reason and I always blame myself that I am rushing him. He has told me that he is in it to win it and that he wants this relationship, that the goal is to fall into blissful happiness and hopefully marry. That he adores me and appreciates that I want him for him and nothing more, that I don’t care that he don’t have money and I still want him, that I am accommodating to his hearing loss. I have been there for him during issues with his ex wife and their children, custody, child support, unemployment, etc and have always supported and helped him him through all of that drama. I’m feeling somewhat perplexed that he is not being there for me and supporting me during this problem with my children. I have told him I love him and he has never told me he loves me.

Any suggestions are welcome.
Latonya

September 14, 2014 at 11:44 pm

Hi my ex and I dated for 5 yrs and we got along very well, not too many arguments only when he would not sometimes answer my phone calls and claims that he was working, when I know for sure he wasn’t that time of night. Anyway to make a long story short, last year in January we were laying in my bed and he wanted to talk and ask me what do I like about him so I tells him and then I ask him if something was wrong why did he ask me that and he says no everything fine he only ask because he’s not ready to be in a committed relationship. “Wow”5 yrs is a long time to be dating someone and all of suddenly you single. WHAT HAPPEN? I cut everything else off and agreed to just being friends only no more pretending to be in a relationship
So he was not happy about not being able to pop up at my house like he use to. Months after this happen I went to a bar to relieve some hurt from all of this and guess who I see??? HIM with this woman dancing on the dance floor but kind of like they have been knowing each other forever!! He didn’t see me and this is not a bar that we have ever been to together so He did not know I was going to be there and I didn’t know he was either. I ignored his phone calls for months after that and he even popped up at my place without calling acting like he’s clueless to what’s going on. So finally I gave him his space and I miss him a lot because 5 years Is a long time to just not feel some type of way about. So this year 2014 he Contacted me and I gave in I guess because I was looking for Him to do the right thing and this was in March. He started to act Funny again afterwards like he doesn’t want to be bother with me. So I don’t call and text anymore and he have called me only to say hi, how are you, what’s going on etc…
I finally ask him if he was seeing someone else and he responded by saying no one special, I think about you all the time. How are you doing and I hung up on him, no contact on my end since then and he stop calling just a text saying hi. Is this relationship/ Friendship over with??? Why did he wait so long to tell me he didn’t want to be in a relationship because I really was comfortable with him?

Latonya

September 14, 2014 at 11:54 pm

Also what do you think I should do at this point because I think about him every day but I do not contact him at all? I constantly run into him not on purpose like at the Mall that is far from my home and his, and this week I saw him at a bar that we never been to before but he didn’t see me. This is not helping….

Brig

September 10, 2014 at 3:13 am

I broke up with him because he stopped making me a priority and didn’t change at all even after we had a couple conversations about it. We went from texting and talking daily to me initiating every text and phone call. When we did talk or see each other, it was great. Then, he stopped planning things with me. Said he didn’t want to break up at all. Actions speak louder than words though. We have a LDR (less than 2 hours) so texting is a big thing for me. Will the NC rule work in our situation? The break up was light and there was no fighting. In fact, we never fought…not once in our short 3 months (other than discussing the above and me getting no reaction). I know, I’m nuts, but I had my ex husband do this to me before and it didn’t end pretty so I was immediately defensive.
Peyton

September 9, 2014 at 11:47 pm

So my boyfriend broke up with me for the second time after a month of being back together. He broke up with me the first time over a heated argument via text message. We started hanging out and got back together around 4 days after the breakup. He said he was serious and that it was over. The second time, he said a lot more cruel things to me. He told me that I was psychotic and that we would never get back together, and refused to meet me in person to talk about the situation. He also said he wants to move on to one of my friends, but I don’t think he means all of this. I’ve been doing NC for about 5 days and I don’t know what to do. I really need help.
Liliana

September 8, 2014 at 12:21 pm

Hi Chris,

My ex reacted positive today but only with signs faces and a kiss. should I reply back?

Liliana

September 8, 2014 at 6:23 pm

Hi Chris me again.

My ex response me today at 6.52am with signs, kiss and faces. I didn’t response back. and at 12:32pm he send me another whats app with : “nice week”.

I was happy! and I replied “same to you” and he replies back with a thumb. ahahah. But then I didn’t reply back cause you said we have to end the conversation first.

what’s next? When should I contact him back or maybe he will contact me again. after how many days should I contact him back and with what kind of messages?? Thank you again Chris.

Geeta

September 7, 2014 at 2:33 am

Hi
I am new to this post.So far I saw ur advice very useful. So thought of sharing my share of my story so that u can help me. I am a student and met this guy in my classes. Initially it used to be talking in a group. One day he asked my phone number. Well I was exchanging with other friends too.So i didn’t mind. In the evening, I texted all of them to see if they received them. Well this guy started immediately a conversation with me. We started chatting everyday.From the very beginning he wanted to know everything about my relationship.I had actually gone through a bad break up in a marriage and was coming out of it. He was totally empathetic about it and shared his piece of story about his girlfriend .He said that talked to me regarding how she broke up several times and keeps time and again coming back without any surety.He told me that he has lost any hopes of any stability in that relationship although she is still lingering around and is just focusing on his studies and career now.Well I have heard this from my other mutual friends that he has told him that he doe snot get along with her and fights a lot.
However, I saw that he wanted to move ahead but at the same time scared to get into relationship as it has caused him a lot of pain.Well I initially wanted to be good friends to him which we were and shared talked and opened about everything.The chatting became incessant then very 1-2 hours.He initially wanted to meet up aside classes but somehow cancelled last minute saying that we got distracted and should focus on our career and let time tell the tale.However he still wanted to chat.Our conversations started getting close and intimate by then as both of us had a very amazing wavelength which he used to often mention.However, he could never accept me as a friend somehow and would always irritate me that he is just a chat buddy and lol.3 weeks ago,I wanted to put this friendship to a test as I started developing feelings for this guy.While sharing our what did during the day, I told him that I met an amazing guy the previous day afternoon from my same state. We chatted for an hour and went out for lunch with him. To my surprise, he lashed out on me and said that no girl would do that as it is too risky as I am very attractive. He kept on going about it.I waited patiently for him to react.He immediately texted that we should chatting as it is pointless and that we have our own share of friends.I then started apologized and told him that I was just pulling a prank and never do something like that. He added on saying that if we build up trust there would be no issue.But it takes him time to trust people. It made me wonder that where trust comes in a friendship. He then calmed down and we chatted for an hour . We agreed to come up the next day night. The next day morning I texted him good luck in a friendly manner for a new course he was taking as he was stressing the previous night.That night he blocked me from chat. I realized it three days later. I was really upset. I emailed him that I am really sorry for the trick i played and promised him that I will never do that and requested him to respond back. The email reached him but no response.I then thought it pointless to beg a guy who hurts you. I carried o with my courses, made new friends , joined dance classes and started finding happiness in my own way.I am a very confident person and no one can break that in me.To my surprise, I notice that 2 days ago, he has unblocked me.I am using the no contact rule now. I didn’t text him but I see him log in often to chat.I thought probably he wants to see if I text him back. I also log in often just to show i notice everything but am minding my own business. I want him to do that to me and till he apologizes, I will never respond. Do u think I am doing the right thing?Do u think he has feelings for me and would he ever text me back?Kindly advice.

admin

September 15, 2014 at 3:10 pm

I think doing NC is the right thing yes.

Crystal

September 6, 2014 at 12:54 am

Honest opinion please….

My ex and I started to break up in July. When I say started…I ended up moving out and we have fought nonstop. I have a daughter and he loves her like his very own and still wants to be apart of her life. I thought we were in the midst of figuring things out when about 3 weeks ago his ex walked back into his life. Now he and I had a very up and down relationship. Most of our fights centered around trust and sometimes it got bad. I think he finally had enough of my accusations. this is his ex from 3 years ago.

They were together for 7 months before…and now 3 years later she has 2 more kids than she did…and he wants to stay involved with my daughter. when they first started to talk they both said they didnt know where they wanted things to go..but when i tried to step inbetween them…thats when they both began saying that they are inlove…meant for each other and supposed to spend the rest of their lives together. idk how you can fall inlove with someone you hvent had in 3 years.. is this possible…advise please

admin

September 15, 2014 at 2:41 pm

I wouldn’t let someone around my kids if they did that to me.

Miranda

September 5, 2014 at 7:42 pm

Hello,
I really need some advise so some back ground I have been with this man for over 3 years. When I met him we where friends and he was apparently still on and off with an ex for 7 years she was still in the picture and I didn’t know. This was about 2 years ago we had all a confrontation and I ended my end and tried moving on a couple weeks he continued reaching out emails calls messages going to the gym at the time I went. I caved in so we decided to start over I had started seeing someone else before I found out of her since I felt him distant women intuition so I figured we both can play. Wasn’t too much a surprise but still hurt me deeply now I have a now 4 year old he’s been on his life since my son was 1 he thinks that’s his daddy which I feel is why the relationship has lasted this long time. We have been an on and off couple for a long time to cut it short when where good where great and perfect when where bad it’s horrible. He has an anger problem I have an anxiety depression problem and the one to trigger and call and call and call when he’s upset which triggers him. I Love him very much and we have tried just feel as he doesn’t change but recently we tried 3 week break he asked if he could call me ever so often to check on my son and me and would come one day a week to see my son. He started missing me felt good he was sweet again over the phone telling me he loved and missed me. We then tried again to work on ourselves and our relationship together. So then I had surgery done he came took care of me I felt distant I was obviously on meds just not loving like he expected when we where trying to save our relationship he felt pushed back I was rude and mean to him I took him for granted again. So his family planned a boat party that Sunday just young our age friends. He said he didn’t want me to go first reason for him was my surgery tho I felt fine and wasn’t getting in the water. He told me no which triggered my feelings he said he did not want me around his family until things where fixed with us I couldn’t understand this. So again I called called called texted crying emotional depressed like crazy. The. After the boat party I go online and see pics if him with girls girls I don’t know he was just with them one of the girls was wearing his hat my heart felt crushed disrespected he said those pics meant nothing it was just a boat party and those where his friends friends they took. I felt hurt I obviously had a break down crushed going off he kept telling me to calm down and I would go off he would hang up again and again I went to his house I wanted an explanation I felt as he planned to take them and didn’t care or disregarded me or my feelings. He didn’t come out he sent me a message saying everything was done with us?! Instead of making me feel better explaining he cut me off. Monday came Labor Day I called him the morning and told him I wanted to have a better day and continue working I appoligized but continued asking about the pictures he didn’t understand how I felt he didn’t want to talk about that anymore I cryer again break down he then blocked me off he ignored me all day text calls he turned off his phone all day. I went to his house he told me he got mad again and to leave him alone he was suffocated by me I just wanted to talk he didn’t understand I felt bad. So Tuesday after work I went to pick up my keys and he told me he was done and to leave him alone to not call or text him. This was Tuesday so Thursday I texted him to call me he didn’t call me I called him at night went to rang once went to voicemail assume he blocked me. I don’t know what to do I wish things could go back if we could work on things what cal I do I think all my calling and texting I pushed him away completely. What can I do ?

admin

September 15, 2014 at 2:34 pm

NC seems like your best bet right now.

Nunu

September 4, 2014 at 8:29 pm

Hi Chris, so my ex boyfriend and i met when i already had a boyfriend he knew about it but still he chose to love me so much. We started off with an affair things got serious and after 3 months i left my boyfriend and moved in with him. It was the best time for me but around May i noticed some changes in him he wasnt as affectionate and he just wasnt the same. i confronted him and he told me its because he couldnt forget about the past the time that he loved me so much and did everything i asked for and i still couldnt leave my ex for him he was vulnerable and he said he doesnt want to have that happening to his heart again so thats why he pulled away. Although he said his still in love with me and does not want to lose me. So i left for the summer and at this point i told him he should think about it and tell me if he can love me again and if we can go back to that point where we loved each other and we meant the world to one another. during the summer we still kept in touch though i notice most times it was me to him. He called me a few days before i returned and said he doesnt think he can go back there. However i was living with him so when i came back i came to the house, that night he hugged me and everything he told me he missed me so much we slept together and after that he said he is thinking about us that maybe we should try it when i move to a different flat because he is just a bit scared. i suggested we should just try it for a week while am in the same flat so he was okay. i had the best 4 days before he called it quits he said he had thought about it and he feels like it will go back to the begining where he would be vulnerable and i may hurt him bla bla bla..then he moved to his friends house and left me in the house the first few days i begged and pleaded i even asked his friends to talk to him. what killed me was seeing him chat to other girls ever since i was with him i didnt cheat. i think he is having sex now and he has also turned into a partyholic but he knows this is so disapointing for me and it hurts me alot. am still looking for a flat but my question is can i still do the NC rule because he always comes to change or take a change of clothing and at times stay a bit… also should i continue doing the housework because i was always the one doing it…lastly should i persuade him to move back?

admin

September 5, 2014 at 12:29 pm

Wait, do you think he cheated on you?
Nunu

September 5, 2014 at 5:13 pm

the time we were together no am very sure he never cheated. however now after the breakup his gone into a serious flirt mode with other girls and having sex with them. he says after me he doesnt want a relationship. so i guess his just straying. so should i do NC when his around the house? Should i continue the housework and do his shit too like his laundry and all? do u think i should ask him to move back in?

Sohaib Mirza

September 4, 2014 at 12:55 am

Hi Chris,

This will be your first time dealing with a gay relationship. I am gay and my partner is macho/masculine bisexual. He loves to have sex with both men and women and he loves romantic sex. So the advice will be the same as you would give to a woman. Since my experience is a little different, I wanted to know if there is any hope.

I met him 8 months ago. I was looking for love. He lied to me that I was what he was looking for as a life partner (in reality he was only after sex). He played along and gave me lots of attention love and got some good cares in return. We stayed together for 3 months, then I had to move to USA. We stayed in long distance relationship for another 5 months ending in August 15, 2014. Up until July he was very lovey dovey. We used to skype chat for 2-3 hours everyday and after that we would exchange messages on viber. We have had some very minor issues and I had hoped that he loved me enough to ignore them and he really never talked to me about it. If he had, I would have worked on it. He is a Saggitarius male. And they are known to be flirty and only like short term relationships ( I found out later). Before the breakup, I had managed to piss him off (and that was in August) and he somehow got the feeling that my love is not real. But later he would admit that he cheated on me way before in June with two other men. And then he was already dating a 3rd guy. So now I know that It wasn’t really my fault. He just got bored. I don’t blame him completely but he could have at least told me that, I would have allowed him to have an open relationship. Initially, it was hard for me and then I set on a journey to accept it. I had heard that no contact could bring him back. I tried to do it but on the 3rd day gave back in. He said he was hoping to hear from me. He would mostly discourage me by saying “I don’t feel for you the same way as before”, “I don’t miss you anymore”, “Yes you have given me good memories”, but then he would say something that shows he still cares but he will never accept it. When he showed me the pictures of the guy he was dating, all hell broke loose. I realized that I deeply loved him and I was acting hysterical. I called him and left many voice messages of my crying, venting and loosing him. I really felt that this is the end for me. I asked God to bring me back to Him. Since this was the most important thing for me. He was what i always wanted in my life and but I don’t know why God took him away from me? Why give him in the first place? He felt bad and offered to stay as friends. I told him we could have open relationship where he can have all the sex he wants but I will be his special sweet hearth. He didn’t agree. He said he can’t love one person for the rest of his life. He appreciates God’s creation. He loves all his relationships. Some more, some less. He has moved on so quickly. I asked him if I come to him after few months, could we at least be the same all over for that long. He said something that made me feel that he doesn’t even want to be intimate with me. That all of a sudden, I am not attractive to him anymore. We have had a great sexual time together and I just can’t understand. why he will not be interested in that again.

Please tell me what should I do? Should I try no contact? Does he still have feelings for me? Is there still hope for him to come back? They say Saggitarius males could come back to the ex if they feel like it. He also said to me that if I had given him time, he would have come back. But two days ago he said that there is no coming back and he has no feelings for me but when I told him that “I am now completely thru with him”. He changed his statement and said that “he had romantic feelings for me and he could be sexual/intimate again”. But I had decided to move on but two days into it, I can’t. I keep remembering him and hoping that he will like the new me. My condition is very difficult. I can’t get over him. He was all I could have. I will not get a guy like him ever. I am already having problems here in USA. No one has contacted me. He is lucky that he gets his dates so easily. He is very handsome.

Please help!!!

admin

September 4, 2014 at 12:20 pm

This will not be my first time dealing with a gay relationship. In fact, it won’t even be my second, third, fourth or fifth time.

And yes, you should try NC.
Sohaib Mirza

September 4, 2014 at 6:44 pm

Thanks Chris,

I wanted to give you some background. He says he has no feelings for me but he does thank me for our moments together when I was with him. We had a ball. We would do many things together inside and outside of my home. He always wants to be a friend since him and I have hit it off great. I wasn’t ready to accept him as a friend because he had not been honest in our relationship. He also didn’t do anything to come to some agreement with me. I ended our friendship by telling him that I can’t forgive you ever and I could only comeback to you when I have lost feelings for you. Then I waited 3 days. Yesterday after posting my question, I started missing him a lot more. Although, I had embarked on a journey of “new me” (by going to gym, loosing weight and getting involved in good activities). I went to my room and cried a lot and prayed to God to give him back to me. I prayed so hard that I don’t remember when I went to sleep. I woke up at 5am. I thought I should contact him. Since, he does keep in touch with me and consider me as his friend but he tries not to be lovey dovey with me. I feel that this is my chance to win him back if I can win his trust. I have sort of given him a green signal to carry on his “romantic flings” with all its colors and intensity. I didn’t say but he will do what he feels like. He values his freedom a lot. He doesn’t want to be confined. So I have to be very careful about violating his space. I have accepted that I have lost him. That I need to work from scratch to build a new relationship with him without telling him. Whenever I say “relationship”, he balks off. I need to have some communication with him so I can understand him deeply. I am not jealous anymore. I am not mad at him anymore. I have given him the freedom to call/msg me whenever he wants. I told him that I love him and will always be there for him whenever he is in need. He was very appreciative and told me that I am his best friend forever.

Any advice now? Do you think “No Contact” still applies? I do want to leave few tactful messages every now and then. Before our last “break up”, I had convinced him back to at least start communicating with me and work on establishing some relationship (but that didn’t work). So we were doing Skype calls everyday for an hour. Now that I have forgiven him, I am sure he will offer to talk to me over Skype. I will not force him to talk to me but when I get a chance, I want to use it at the maximum. Any advice?
admin

September 5, 2014 at 12:21 pm

I think it does still apply actually.

Mila

September 3, 2014 at 9:04 pm

Hello Chris an urgent Question.
Yesterday night I have contacted my ex at 20:48 pm and he waited a whole day before He answered me and answered me today 16.23pm. I used the confession text and He answered with a thumb . what should I do? continue or wait a week?

Mila

September 4, 2014 at 1:31 pm

after the thumb i didn’t send hem anything back.so lets wait . but if he contact me today what should I do?
admin

September 5, 2014 at 11:57 am

Reply and end the conversation first.
admin

September 4, 2014 at 12:13 pm

A thumb?

What the heck?

ash

September 3, 2014 at 8:53 pm

hi, i have a question..uhmm well i have been observing the no contact rule with my ex bf for a few weeks now and just recently he got into contact with me, not talking about getting back together or anything like that but basically to check on me or how he put it ‘just wanted to say hi’ lol….so after that i went back to the usual non-contact and today i was going through a fall out with someone dear to me and i broke the rule and contacted him cause he was the only one who ever helped calm me down whenever i had a fall out with this said person And to my shock he was very nice and very receptive he even seemd happy i got into contact with me and for a second he called me ‘baby’ instead of my name…i dont understand what to do from here like how do i respond? do i start talking to him again and stop the no contact? or should i just go back to the no contact and let him chase after me? because when he did call me baby he corrected himself immediately after…if he still loves me do i wait and let him come to me????

admin

September 4, 2014 at 12:12 pm

Freudian slip? I think so.
ash

September 6, 2014 at 3:19 pm

his bday is coming soon should i do something for him or call him to wish him happy bday??? or that will be violating the no contact rule?
admin

September 15, 2014 at 2:45 pm

That will be a violation (I am writing someone to answer these kinds of questions right now ironically haha.)

Coworkers

September 2, 2014 at 8:29 pm

My ex and i work together for the same company but in different office locations. we broke up a couple weeks ago and i have been doing the NC rule. i blocked him from my phone so i cant receive any texts from him anyways. however, i feel like he hasnt even texted me all this time. he doesnt know that i blocked him from my phone.
we have had many other breakups before and all other times he found some way of contacting me. either through work chat or emails, etc…
this time the breakup ended up with screaming and saying very hurtful things. i am thinking that even after the NC is over i might not want to get back together with him. however, i still would want him to want me back. i feel strange that he hasnt made an attempt to talk to me through the work chat that we used to always talk on. im just surprised how this time he is not making any effort to speak to me like all the other previous times. is this the last time then?

admin

September 3, 2014 at 2:40 pm

When you broke up before what were usually the causes?
Coworkers

September 4, 2014 at 4:14 pm

Hi. I am really afraid that he will find this post and read it. lol. i will be sending you a private message. i hope you can answer it.
admin

September 5, 2014 at 12:13 pm

chris@exboyfriendrecovery.com

pancake

September 2, 2014 at 5:16 pm

Hi Chris,

Sorry I think I accidentally replied other girl’s story with my own reply. I’ll just copy past all my activity here to make it simple. Sorry for the trouble to you and the other girl.

Pancake
September 1, 2014 | 11:37 pm
Hi Chris,

My situation is a bit complicated. We broke up just today, he forced me to move my stuff out of his house. We had been arguing in the past a lot because I always accused him being cold to me when I was sad. We have been together for a year and half. He cheated on me 4 times when the first half year we were together, he didn’t say sorry about it, instead he called out break up. I knew he’s always that kind of person who cannot keep himself away from other girls in the beginning of our relationship, so I decided to wait for him to change. We had a really deep conversation about his cheating, and we still decided to be together afterwards. He promised he won’t do it again. But from that moment on, I didn’t trust him any more. I became obsessive and clingy just to make sure he won’t cheat again. It went ok for a long time like 8 months. But we still argued during that time because of something else. He never cheated on me again since then. Recently, we had gone into really big arguments for some small issues, both of us were stressed out. Just today, things went exploded. I had a serious conversation with him, he said he didn’t love me that much any more and forced me to move my stuff out of his place. He said he wants his single life back. But I don’t want to let him go, because he’s been doing so well unless some small cold issues. He’s a valuable person despite his cheating issue. He cried twice over the last 1 year when I was about to leave him. He cried today again when I hugged him, but he still pushed me out. I really don’t understand any more. I wanted him back. Should I wait for 30 days NC rule?

Reply
Pancake
September 2, 2014 | 12:18 am
Also, he said he’s stressed out, he couldn’t have his personal life. He wants his freedom to come back again. But at the same time, he cried when I hugged him and said “I can never hug you like this any more”. I don’t understand, if he really didn’t love me any more and wanted me get out of his life so bad, why would he cried when I said that? He already cried twice in the past when I said the same thing. And I also remember the second last time I said that, he sat on the ground and his tears dropping off like water fall.I really don’t understand what is that.

Reply
admin
September 2, 2014 | 1:53 pm
4 times with one girl or 4 times with 4 girls?

Reply
pancake
September 2, 2014 | 5:13 pm
Your comment is awaiting moderation.

4 times with 4 girls within half year. He had habit to have open relationships before he got into relationship with me. After half year and I talked to him very seriously, he changed his habit. But I think he couldn’t hold too long. He’s still talking to girls randomly on the phone. He is too young and wild, only 23 years old. I’m 26. I guess it is not the right way to be continue with him. But overall, he’s a good boy on other aspects. It’s so hard for me to make decision.

admin

September 3, 2014 at 2:36 pm

Hmmm… that is really bad on him.

He does have some maturing to do.

Are you sure you wanthim back? Can you forgive him for doing this stuff to you?

Liliana

September 2, 2014 at 2:07 pm

and Chris do I have to ask him to add me back, he didn’t block me but he deleted me I think he is mad that i cant talk to him, he is seeking for attention. but he is talking with another girl at the moment. I feel so sad and bad about this. I also want to tell you i was a text gnat and I feel badddd about this.

admin

September 3, 2014 at 2:27 pm

No ideally he should do it on his own free will. Again, really read that blocking page I wrote.

Liliana

September 2, 2014 at 12:03 pm

Chris sorry for so many questions but they keep coming, yesterday my ex decided to delete me from Whats-app I guess I can see him online when He is online but I can’t see his display-pictures… what should I do? I’m still in the NC. He deleted me because when He send me a whats-app he said that he will delete me to not disturb me anymore if i don’t want to talk with him. he didn’t block me but deleted me I guess I have no Idea what He did cause when I add him with another telephone number I can see his pictures, but with my number i can see him online but not his pictures very strange.

admin

September 3, 2014 at 2:21 pm

Did you read my guide on blocking people and what to do if your ex does it to you?

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