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Post categories
Aha
March 19, 2016 at 5:46 am
Hey there, thank u so much for this post. I am currently in a situation. I am 29F and he is 25. We have been together for almost two years with 6 months were long distance. About 6 months ago, I moved in with him after 3 months stint out of town. We were both excited to live together. However, over time, the quality of our relationship deteriorated. Our communication broke down. We stopped spending quality time together, we stopped having sex, and I noticed that i became more like a room mate than his gf. All he does is go to work, come home, go to the gym and play games. Whereas I got increasingly frustrated at him not putting any effort in our relationship. The harder I tried to connect to him, the harder he pulls away, the angrier and more hurt I got. Then we both agreed that it was best that I move out. But on my last week at the flat, he told me that he was unsure that he wants this to be his last relationship. He said he was not ready for a committed relationship and does not want to waste my time. When I asked him if he wanted to sleep with other people, he says it is not about that but he wanted more life experience but in the end he does want a future with me as we have discussed getting married. Anyway, this was 2 weeks ago. I wondered if he feels this way because he felt pressured about having to move the relationship Ina pace that is faster than what he is capable of. Before I left the house, I was nice to him, I made him dinner but we did not spend any quality time together. This was 2 weeks ago. We have not spoken to each other at all. I’m hurting because I to talk to him and solve this problem but maybe the best thing is NC to give us time to heal. I feel so exhausted and so emotionally drained. It
is so hard. Any advice on how to proceed?
Aha
March 30, 2016 at 10:17 am
Hey Amor, we broke up 1 week ago and I have not talked to him for 6 days. He explained that he had personal issues that he needs to deal with. I am aware of this, but he says he is not able to sort it out within a relationship, so he feels that he needs to be alone to do this. I’m devastated. This was not the outcome that I wanted. What can I do NOW? Can you please help? š *stressed and heartbroken*
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 3, 2016 at 7:31 am
Give him space.. Let him sort it out first.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 20, 2016 at 3:52 am
Hi Aha,
if you didn’t contact him two weeks ago, you can start the count there.. if not start the count at the day you stopped texting or calling him.. It could be that it got boring for him.. I think it’s best that you don’t move in again right ahead if you got back together.. For now, continue nc and start to be active.. be active in posting it too..
Grazzo
March 18, 2016 at 8:32 am
My girlfriend broke up with me at the beginning of this week. We have been together for 3 years and it was long-distance relationship mixed with real one, because 1 year ago I came to live in her town. For the first 2 days after breaking up I was quiet and haven’t contacted her at all. On the third day unfortunatelly I broke 2 NC rules in one time: 1. sent her an “goodbye” email 2. in content I stated that I don’t wanna any contact with her now and told her to not reply on this email I sent her. Any advices what could I do now. Have I broken the rules seriously and irremediably?
Grazzo
March 27, 2016 at 3:10 am
Just because on next Thursday I leave the country where my Ex lives, I had to close everything here including giving back some stuff I borrowed from her close friend. 2 days ago I texted my ex’s friend asking her when is she available because I would like to deliver her stuff. She said its no rush and and I can give it back when I come back from holiday. After I said that I will not come back and have one-way ticket only she was very surprized and finaly told me to come on next Wednesday. Yesterday in the morning I got a message from my Ex. She was wishing me a safe flight. That was her first message after we broke up. I am not sure if its important but when I wrote her a “good bye” letter I told her to not call me like she used to call me for whole 3 years of relationship (we used always our special nicknames and never called eachother with our real names) explaining that if our relationship died these 2 nicknames died as well.
I am a little bit confused now because:
1) Why did she send me a message yesterday if she knows that I go to my country on next Thursday?
2) Why did she use my nickname again in this message?
What should I do now? I havent replied her. She hasnt even got notified that I read it because I didnt open the message just read as it apeared on my mobile in notification centre. She will go for holiday with her friends next Saturday. Should I wish her safe flight as well or just ignore this message and continue no contact rule?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 3, 2016 at 3:30 am
If you’re still in no contact, that means you shouldn’t message her.. It looks like she misses you.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 19, 2016 at 1:49 pm
Hi Grazzo,
Nope you didn’t.. š Just restart the count from the day after thay
Felicia
March 18, 2016 at 1:23 am
I have a weird situation and I wasn’t sure where to post my question and how to get an answer. This is my third time trying to post this. =/ My boyfriend of 5 months broke up with me on Saturday out of nowhere because he feels he got into a relationship too quickly after his last one. He said he felt like he needed to be single for a bit and reset before he’d be able to fully commit to another relationship. Everything had been going great up until then. He introduced me to his parents and whole family two weeks ago and they loved me. Even last week he was talking about planning a cruise to the Bahamas with me in the summer. This also coincides with a lot of big and stressful changes in his life. He started a new job on Monday and he had just learned Saturday morning that he has hours that will make it difficult for us to see each other during the week. His brother is having drug problems and just totaled his car last week. A lot is going on.
He texted me the next day to say how important I am to him and about how he just wants to do right by me and how he misses me already. He thinks that the best thing to do is to take 30 days of radio silence and then meet on April 9th to reassess. My question is, how can I make No Contact work to my advantage if it’s already agreed upon? If he breaks the radio silence during the next 30 days, should I not respond? Or should I begin No Contact after our agreed upon No Contact period has ended?
Confused. Please help me!
Felicia
March 20, 2016 at 5:46 pm
After that, should I just be hanging out with him again like normal? I’m confused about how to build value; if he’s able to disappear for a month with no warning and then I am just hanging out with him again, won’t that communicate to him that there’s no fear of losing me and keep me permanently friend-zoned?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 21, 2016 at 8:14 am
nope..just don’t contact him before that until the day you’re set to talk to him about it.. and then after that keep the push pull again..be busy and proactive, don’t always be available..you’re just going to use that event to build attraction
Felicia
March 19, 2016 at 1:56 pm
I’m sorry, on the other post it was like my whole comment disappeared. The second part of this is that I had already spent a good bit of money planning a nonrefundable birthday day trip for him that is scheduled for mid-April (the week after he plans to meet with me to reassess after a month of no contact). I had told him about it last week when we broke up and told him he should still go by himself since it couldn’t be cancelled and I had already payed for it. Before we started the no contact period, he asked me a couple times to still go with him and seems to really want me to go with him, which is also why I think he scheduled the date of us meeting for the week before this event. I don’t know how I’m going to feel three weeks from now about, but does it seem like a bad idea to still go to this thing with him? Or will it seem like I’m being bitter and like I’m not being positive and upbeat if I don’t?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 20, 2016 at 6:50 am
I think it’s better if you go and take that opportunity to build attraction..enjoy and have fun
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 19, 2016 at 8:33 am
Hi Felicia,
I answered in your first post.. I’ll just paste it here okay?
Bob Izumi
March 17, 2016 at 11:35 pm
Good Afternoon,
I have just been through a six year relationship and ended up breaking up Feb 5th. I have become an alcoholic and cheated a couple times while blacked out / high. I love this girl and have been having the worst regret and remorse after telling her that I had cheated. I have been sober after getting professional help and going to AA. I don’t see the point in using addicting things anymore now that I have realized what was at stake. The cheating was not as a result of not being satisfied at home, but to fit in with the “alpha’s” of my now-ex friends. We had a home together and I let her stay there while I went to work for a month. She has moved out of the house as of last Wednesday and is renting at a place nearby.
I have felt amazing not having to deal with the addictions and friends that only wanted things from me that I would buy. I like how I now am closer to my family than I have ever been and have a new direction (hopefully) out of this oil industry where drinking and cheating and drugs are EVERYWHERE.
I just want to show her that I can change and have begun that process already. I have no doubt in my mind that she is the one.
Thanks for the help!
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 19, 2016 at 8:08 am
Hi Bob,
that’s good..just keep it up.. do you see each other or still talk to each other?
Lindsay
March 17, 2016 at 8:32 pm
Hia all I was with my husband for 6 years anyway in the 6 years I kicked him out 3 times first time he came back next day next time he went to turkey to see family and came back after 6 months of me begging then I kicked him out again because I just wanted him to say Lindsay I love u I’m not going but he never did anyway he’s been gona 9 months and I have begged and begged seen him 3 times in the 9 months and he just keeps telling me he doesn’t k ow what will happen he’s working and saving for he’s future…I’m on to day 2 of the no contact I’m desperate for him to come back I love him so much after the 30 days no contact what do u do message but say what?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 19, 2016 at 7:18 am
Hi Lindsay,
He moved away for 9 months now but you’re nit dovorced right?
Dee
March 17, 2016 at 2:33 am
I have just gotten out of a long distance relationship. He is in Canada(he moved after he completed his masters here in the UK so we dated for that one year he was here and attempted to do long distance even though he cheated in his last long distance relationships.)
I found out he cheated on me again (I say again because he had initially left Canada to come here in England to do his masters but he apparently had a gf back in canada and I did not know until she messaged me in october of last year and he told me he did not know how to end things with her because he did not plan to fall for me).
After that I forgave him and tried to make things work, even though he was soon going back to Canada. However things got rough between us and he thought we could not work out and he cheated on me with another girl and I found out through Instagram. He begged for a final forgiveness and I love him so much that i did.
He has just gotten a job in canada and he hardly communicated with me. He says i am a nag because I always tell him to communicate more and I act like I dont trust him- so he broke up because he said its wasted energy.
I pleaded with him right away asking how after so many times i stuck with him, he did not love me enough to try harder since long distance relationships require more work. He read and ignored so my last message to him was “alrighty”
Just before our breakup on March 4th I bought and posted him chains. And he broke up after. I have been in no contact since the day. Several days ago he received the chains and said “Thanks for the chain just got it” I read the message on whatsapp and ignored.
He now likes every instagram picture i post but wont message me apologising or anything. I think he is trying to play mind games and it is confusing me.
I plan to continue with no contact HOWEVER THERE IS AN ISSUE. This is my 13th day of no contact and his birthday is March 31st. What if he does not message me until then as he probably thinks i would message him for his birthday anyway? Should i tell him regardless as that will be day 27 of NC? Or just not tell him happy birthday.
Thank you!
Kind regards,
Dee
Dee
April 4, 2016 at 4:38 am
Hi! So just an update! (I hope you remember me and sorry for the long essay!) I did not tell l him happy birthday as instructed and today the NC has finished successfully and I received a missed call from him. I messaged saying heya I got a missed call and he called back on whatsapp right away. He sounded nervous and kept making mistakes (haha) he asked why I didn’t tell him happy birthday and he knows that we broke up but he was still expecting friendship and was looking out for a call.I said i didnt think it was necessary and he then asked how I was and that he wanted to check in. I told him I was bout to go library and he said okay. Then hours later I asked how it felt to be 25 he said good and that he had a house party. Now knowing how promiscuous he has been in the past im sure he slept with a few girls during the NC maybe even at his house party two days ago. But surely he has his mind on me which is why he called today.
I also recall you sayinf based on everything you dont advise me to get back with him. How do you suggest I treat the situation then? I have him on all my social media still etc as instructed as well.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 4, 2016 at 2:26 pm
well, that’s good but let him work for you.. let him do the effort
pumpu
March 22, 2016 at 9:53 am
i broke up with my boyfriend today but we were not talking to each other like on and off
he is a very egoistic and ignorant person… he didn’t even stop me from breaking up with him…
we were together for 7 months and were together whole day… i think because of his frustation he is letting me go
and i dont have anyone to talk to him .. at times he would surrender himself infront of me and loved me so hard..
and other days i was just a girl for him..
i made a deep cut in my hand coz of the way he made me feel and got 5 stitches.. but he didnt seemed to care.. so i went back to my hometown
we were in a long distance relationship but the day i came back here(15 days back) ..he deleted all my pics..
but yesterday when i couldnt resist calling him (4th day of NC rule) i acted normal but he told me he missed me and has been looking at my images and editing our pics. he said me missed me but never called me.. and he said he drinks and smokes everyday coz he cant get his mind off me.. the resn of brkup was that i wanted him to be the way he used to be in the starting of our relationship.. extra loving, caring, treating me like a princess but he became a badass coz of the rumours abt him and he started abusing me emotionally..
do u think the NC rule would work for this guy.. coz he is always ignorant careless and egoistic person..??
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 31, 2016 at 5:54 am
Hi Pumpu,
Sorry for the late reply.. A relationship shouldn’t be that toxic. It’s also normal that he changes after the honeymoon. We can’t force somebody to change. They may change for us but it will always be their decision.. Also, You have to love yourself enough first before loving others because you will end up getting that love from them which is not true love but a necessity. It’s like you’re going to be using that person and that’s not love. Love yourself first Pumpu, when you know you can live without that person even if it hurts that’s true love. That’s a healthy relationship.
Dee
March 17, 2016 at 12:40 pm
Even though in three days the NC would have been over still do not wish him a happy birthday? Also, what do you think about it all? Should I just forget him and move on because of what has happened in the past?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 17, 2016 at 2:57 pm
Well, if you’re ready to break nc on his birthday that’s ok.. But if you want to complete the 30 days, don’t do it..
Honestly,for me, I wouldn’t go back with him
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 17, 2016 at 11:36 am
Hi Dee,
Nope don’t tell him you’re doing nc and because his birthday is in Nc, don’t greet him too
Edgar
March 16, 2016 at 10:03 pm
Hi, after one week of NO CONTACT, my ex began messaging and calling me. I ignored her for a few days, but I eventually replied and we spoke on the phone. I regret it. So I am now restarting NC again. I know she will eventually message me again. She always does when we break up.
Should I block her on Whatsapp? The reason I am hesitant to do so is because she will see that I have blocked her, and it does seem a bit immature. And I feel like it would communicate anger rather than indifference. Also, I am not confident that I would keep her blocked, and blocking and unblocking her would probably look worse than just leaving it alone and not replying. She used to block and unblock me all the time, and it just seemed so childish and insecure. I don’t want to appear that way. Plus, wondering whether or not she is trying to reach me would mess with my head.
My second question is, assuming that I don’t block her, should I avoid logging into Whatsapp too often? She will be able to see my “last time seen” on the app. I kind of want to remain a mystery to her. Is it best that I just disappear, or should I carry on as normal and log into the app when I need to, without worrying about her?
Thanks.
Edgar
March 18, 2016 at 6:17 pm
I’ve been NC for three days. She texted me last night saying “Please, I need to talk to you.” I was worried, so I replied, “Are you ok?”. I have not heard back.
Should I ignore ALL messages from her, even the ones that make it sound like something is wrong?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 19, 2016 at 4:05 pm
For me, after that yes.. She has to clearly say what it is before you reply
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 17, 2016 at 1:49 am
Hi Edgar,
You don’t have to block her..It’s better if you still log in, you don’t have to open her messages
Mingyu
March 16, 2016 at 5:49 pm
I’ve been in relationship with my girlfriend for almost 6 yrs this July. We was starting to work on our relationship because we had issues in the past then she had to go back to her hometown because her family sick they need her help. I’m a lil heartbroken I been without her for almost 2 months. She told me she may stay there…that her family really needs her help. 7 hrs separates us in distance. I have an great job and a child. I can’t just stop everything and move. She still wants to work things out. I don’t see a way we could. She moved in my area because I didn’t want to do long distance. What should I do? I love her so much and all this is new to me. I shouldn’t be jealous of her family but a part of me is because I feel like I’m losing her.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 17, 2016 at 12:47 am
Hi Mingyu
can’t she visit once a month?
L
March 16, 2016 at 12:11 pm
My long-distance boyfriend broke up with me last week because he met someone else. He explained what happened over text, then called me on Skype later in the day and we had a long conversation about it. He said that even if he hadn’t met this other girl he doesn’t have “a strong feeling” for me anymore, but he told me he still wants to be my friend and I really believe he means that. Obviously I still want to be friends with him as well, and I told him that.
So I want to try the NC rule but since we broke up I’ve been texting him, so I don’t know if this will work. And what if I stop talking to him and he thinks I don’t want tocontact him at all anymore? I don’t want to lose him as a friend as a result of this, but I want so badly for him to love me again that honestly I’m willing to try anything. And I know that really it would be good for me to have a break from him to try and sort myself out a bit but I don’t want to run the risk of him just completely forgetting about me while I’m not talking to him.
Should I tell him that I’m going to stop talking to him for a while until I can clear my head? He knows how heartbroken I am so I think he would understand but the main thing is I just really don’t want to lose him as a friend.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 16, 2016 at 10:33 pm
Hi L,
A month is fairly short for that to happen.. And also, if he really moved on from you, he would think you’re probably moving on when you stop talking to him but if you want l, just say, out of the nowhere that you need time for yourself… don’t mention no contact, don’t mention you won’t message nor reply.. just say that and do nc
Louise
March 16, 2016 at 8:12 am
Hi,
My boyfriend of 3 years split up with me 5 days ago saying he no longer wanted to carry on with the relationship as he wanted to move around and do different things. He’s told me and my friend that his been heartbroken over this he can’t eat/sleep but he knows this is the right decision. He also said he loves me so much and has a huge amount of respect for me. When he broke up with me I told him I respected his decision and wanted him to be happy – i did not beg or crumble in front of him ! The twist to this scenario is that I had an abortion 4 weeks ago which we both mutually agreed on , but I know he’s been suffering with then guilt of coming to that decision and he feels responsible for putting me through it. I have tried to reassure him but his mind was made up that he his a horrible person. I have arranged to meet him in a few days to return his belongings and also we were going to exchange birthday presents as our birthdays are coming up and we both had already bought gifts, is this a good idea to meet up so soon ?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 16, 2016 at 10:07 pm
H Louise,
so you think that’s the real reason he broke up with you right? Have you had a cinversation about that?
Jasmine
March 16, 2016 at 8:10 am
Me and my ex of 9 years broke up… He cheated twice through this 9years…. We fought a lot near the end both verbal and physically…. This is my first time doing this challenge and I’m very nervous as I want things to work… Our fighting was mostly him not making an effort always partying without me and ignoring me…. The last time we talked he told me he had no time for me and that I force us to be good when we aren’t. However, he changed his number and kept calling off blocked than 9 days later texts me asking for a favour gave it a shot and we still ended up fighting badly a week later I’m just so hurt. Not too sure what the outcome we’ll be. I’m hoping we do work through it I’m just not too sure
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 16, 2016 at 10:04 pm
Hi Jasmine,
how are things now? What do you usually fight about?
chris
March 16, 2016 at 12:39 am
so we were best friends for a few years did everything together stuck at each others hip then we got together! were in a relationship for a little over 2 years was the best thing that ever happened to me but we kept it a secret from everyone including her family which she seemed ok with at the time her family loves me like i was one of thier own enough to have me over for holidays and everything long before we ever had our relationship one day came up after 2 years of us being together and she asked if we could tell her family about us i had said NO but what she didnt know was i had gone out had a ring designed and made to fit her i had planned on giving it to her for her birthday which was just a few days after she had asked me to tell her family about us.but i had the ring had set up reservation for a nice restaurant here in town was gonna take her out tell her how i felt and that we could tell her family that wknd when we were all together at the same time for her birthday well that day never happened she broke up with me when i said no she didnt find out about the ring and reservation till after her birthday cried when i had showed her and told her what i had planned but she didnt want to get back together that was a few yrs ago we have always remained good friends i have tried over the years to set things up concerts and shows she has always agreed then gotten cold feet when time came to go this last weeks she told me she has started seeing someone first she had since me i broke down told her how i felt and what she means to me! what her family means to me! it didnt seem to get me anywhere now like i said earlier im like family and am going to be going there for easter in a couple weeksand my x will likely bring her new boyfriend there i cant totally up and ignore her or just not show up but want to go through with this no contact rule
chris
March 17, 2016 at 3:07 pm
yes this is true but either way at the end of the day do you think i could still have a chance after 4 yrs of not being together and having what we had being best friends and then in a relationship could this no contact still work for me even though we had kept our relation ship a secret from everyone the whole time and she now has a new boyfriend or are my hopes set to high or is there still a chance
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 17, 2016 at 5:28 pm
Honestly, she friendzoned you. But it’s hard to say that you really dont’ have a chance because you’ve always been present. There wasn’t a time that she can miss you.
chris
March 17, 2016 at 12:39 am
should i have no contact with the whole family for the time being so maybe they get on her case too that because of her decision i had left email me back id rather talk on there then here
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 17, 2016 at 1:38 am
Hmm.. that’s actually a hard situation because she might get annoyed if her family blames her for your disappearance but.. if you can manage to stop talking to her and keep your distance during no contact and inlu talk to his family and avoid saying anything about her to her family and also make it seem you’re moving on, I think that will do for your no contact..
Bottomline is that she has to feel you’re not there to wait forever
chris
March 16, 2016 at 8:32 pm
i want to be able to do the no contact with my ex but still be able to see the family as i dont have any family of my own ie (mother father siblings) but i dont want to have to deal with the feeling i have for her while having to associate with her new boyfriend should i just avoid dinner and the family all together while trying this no contact ? i miss my girl and would give anything to have her back and she full well knows how i feel
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 16, 2016 at 8:21 pm
Hi Chris,
so basically you’re going to do the no contact rulr this Easter, but you’re still going in their place?
Ricky
March 15, 2016 at 7:14 pm
Hi, I’ve been in a long distance relationship with a woman who is separated from her husband. Her husband recently found out and is very hurt. He wants to reconcile. She’s been going back and forth about what to do. She says that she wants to be with me, but can’t stand seeing how hurt he is, so she is going to give it another chance with him. …I have not responded to her. I am wondering if I should take the high road and tell her that I understand, or just say nothing. NO CONTACT. I’m not sure what to do here….My hope is that she decides not to reconcile with him and chooses to be with me. Thanks.
Ricky
March 17, 2016 at 8:42 am
I spoke with her, and she said that she wants to be with me, but can’t stand to see her husband so hurt. So she is staying with him…for now. I’m not sure what I should do here. I want to be with her. She knows it. I thought that maybe if I just back off and don’t put pressure on her, she will eventually decide to commit to me.
Should I go NC and be patient, or should I tell her that I think she is making a mistake and give her an ultimatum? Or just tell her to “fuck off” and move on with my life? I really do want to be with her, but this is a hard situation. I’m not sure that telling her off will help me get her back.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 17, 2016 at 2:03 pm
Don’t tell her off..you’ll regret it even if you’re right. Honestly, if she can’t stand seeing him hurt that means she still loves him.. For me, do nc and make it seem you’re moving and try to do it too.. be ready if she doesn’t come back and be firm in nc.. if she does contact you during it, don’t answer. If she didn’t leave her husband after nc even without you contacting her, move on
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 16, 2016 at 2:52 pm
Hi Ricky,
You can do both. Tell her you understand her decision but don’t tell her doing nc and then do nc.
Shauna
March 14, 2016 at 3:09 pm
Hi
I have split up with my boyfriend for nearly two weeks and in the process of no contact but I slipped up after 1 week and set text messages which he responded but regretted after as I was coming out as the most emotional out of the two. I have learnt my lessons and will be doing NC for the full 30 days from last Wednesday.
The issue is that I met a friend for lunch at the weekend and she was telling me she was going through a similar dilemma with a guy she likes a work. I mentioned to her about the 30 day No contact rule and I told her that I am trying it to get us some space and time to figure what I want, doing the things i wanted to do but also in the hope he misses. She said she heard about it but struggles as the person she likes works with her and they always end up arguing. We did a girl pact of trying to help each other etc
Anyway I am starting to worry that she may relay this information back to friends who are also lso friends with my ex. I saw they she was out with them and quite paranoid she may have told them in a drunken state what I told her and it would get back to him. I am unsure if I should text to tell her to keep what we spoke about as discreet (which I assumed she would). What if she has told them already? – does that mean I have ruined my chances. I may be over-thinking and worrying unnecessarily but really don’y know if i should do/say anything to her?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 15, 2016 at 12:53 pm
HI shauna,
It’s better to text her to keep it a secret but even if he knew about it, if he sees you’re truly happy, he will wonder whether you are just doing the no contact and if you have truly moved on and also it doesn’t mean he won’t get attracted when he sees your physical and emotional improvement
Kelli
March 14, 2016 at 12:30 am
I broke up with my bf for not making me a priority anymore. I can’t be with a man that I think is falling out of love with me when I am head over heels in love with them. If I’m starting to feel insecure I need to step back and revaluate what is going on and I couldn’t unless I stopped seeing him. After the breakup he still contacted me and I saw him, I’d had surgery and I’m god mother to his granddaughter. My sister was in town taking care of me and wanted to see the baby. After she left I started the NC rule. And it took only 15 days for him to contact me. He wanted to bring my swimsuits back to me. And kept texting could we talk and plz. I reluctantly did listen to what he had to say and he apologized for neglecting me. He cried that he still loves me very much and is still in love with me. All I ever wanted was him to recognize what he was doing and apologize. He did tell me he had coffee with a girl and there was nothing going on and that remember I did break up with him. That lite my ass on fire and I told him if he could neglect me but make time to have coffee with another woman we have a new problem. I’m back to NC and starting all over again, UGH!
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 15, 2016 at 9:32 am
Hi Kelli,
I was about to say heat him out if he’s really pleading but then he went out with another girl
Hayley Pizzey
March 13, 2016 at 11:24 pm
After 4 years together my ex ended it with me last October. We have stayed in contact but I made him move out of my flat and has moved back to Ireland (I live in London). When he is in touch he frequently says “you never know what will happen in the future” when referring to us. He has also recently stated he is not sure if he made the right decision moving back home – which was one of the reasons he ended it.
I have told him that I am not going to be waiting around for him and that he needs to sort out what he wants.
Ultimately I would like us to get back together but I do not want him thinking I am going to be waiting at home for him to change his mind etc!
With that in mind I started the no contact period.
Some post has arrived for him about a job he applied for (I’m not sure why he used my address as he moved out on November!). He hasn’t been offered an interview but I feel like I should send him a picture of the letter as it is his post. However I don’t want to break the no contact period!
He has also been in touch with me to ask how my mum is (she hasn’t been well) and how I am (I had a minor operation last week). I haven’t replied.
What would you recommend I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 15, 2016 at 9:29 am
Hi Hayley Pizzey,
love the name! regarding his application you can tell it to him or just send it to him, as long as you don’t have small talk, that’s okay..No talking about your mom and your condition..although I know it would seem snobish, that’s why we only recommended talking to the ex during no contact if it’s really important.. because as much as possible it’s better to not talk..
daniela
March 13, 2016 at 12:32 pm
Hi!
This article has saved me from myself.
I broke up with my boyfriend of 1 year on the road travelling in South America. We had planned our backpacking dream holiday together and left for 7 months whilst only having dated for 6 months.
Everyone said it was a big step and we shook it off because, well, we loved each other so we will be fine.
Fast coward 5 months. We had been fighting badly for the last couple of months. Seeing each other every day plus the stress of backpacking south america were too much.
He left me alone in Peru and only texted me to see if I was okay a day later.
We are still broken up. My friends have begged me not to message him and I have. But after reading this I won’t!
I have changed my flight to come home (to australia) this week instead of travelling on my own for the last two months of the trip. My friends and family suggested that would be the best option as choosing to travel alone is one thing, but breaking up on the road and having to deal with the emotional consequences of that while having to deal with being a solo female traveler in places that are less than friendly, is another.
I go home this week and he will continue travelling and having great experiences and have fun sleeping around and posting pictures of great places and great friends. I don’t know how I’m going to get him to miss me if he thinks I’ve crawled back to mummy at home…
He doesn’t know my plans. He has asked me but I’ve kept quiet on that front (thank god!)
My family is taking me to Thailand two weeks after I return….do you think that is a good idea for “jealousy” photos? I have some time to hit the gym hard as well. I’m not out of shape but I could post a bikini shot…
Basically I’m a loss of how to get him to miss me when he will be exploring the world and I feel like I’ve thrown in the towel. Please help! I’m alone in some random country and need some advice.
Thanks!
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 14, 2016 at 6:07 am
Hi Daniela,
going home is not throwing in towel..so don’t worry.. It’s just how you put it..he may even be wanting you to go home for your safety.. you can still be happy when you’re back home..and show it! Actually that’s even better because you can show that you can be happy in your dailg normal life and not just because you’re in a vacation…The vacation with your family is perfect for you to heal, so enjoy.. that.. You can start the count of no contact from the first day you didn’t text or call him
Mia
March 12, 2016 at 8:26 pm
Hi everyoneā¦so my boyfriend left me this Monday..he said he canāt do ltr anymore and is not ready..but he told me he still loves me and misses me alot so I decided to give him a chance to misses me more and realize what we had with no contacting him completely for at least month. He contacted me 2 days ago and I ignored him. And I felt impowered and strong in some way because of that. I mean, even if he doesnāt come back, Iāll still keep my pride, right?
The problem isā¦ I feel my mum ruined everything today! She was texting with his sister and told her Iām sad and loves him. Now if she tells him that (and probably will), heāll no longer wondering about me and why Iām not responding to him! And probably will start feel some kind of pity for me and we all know it kills the attraction ācause nobody is into low value person. So my question is ā am I in the begining again?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 13, 2016 at 6:37 am
Hi Mia,
nope, you won’t restart.. As long as you’re not in direct contact..Just ask your mom to retract or stop talking to his sister.. he will probably wonder why you’re not contacting if you’re sad.. and also post your activities and your progress to show you’re not depressed
Brooke
March 12, 2016 at 7:34 am
I’m 15. So is my ex boyfriend. I’m mature for my age and I thought he was too. He seemed like it. But he seems to be very immature right now. A month ago from today, he broke up with me. He said, “I’m not mentally attracted to you anymore” as an excuse to break up with me. He said he’s been thinking about it for days. I have severe depression and anxiety. At the time I was not on pills but now I am so I am emotionally stable now. He loved me so very much and I could tell. I am still so inlove with him. I know I’m young and I’ll find more guys but we connected so well. We used to know each other in kindergarten, apparently I called him my boyfriend then. Then forward to a few years later, we become friends right after my bad breakup with a guy who emotionally abused me. We connected immediately. Became best friends. He didn’t judge me about anything and I didn’t judge him about anything. I fell inlove a little too quickly. He slowly did the same. We ended up having an amazing 4 (almost 5) months together. I doubt you want to here the whole thing but we were perfect. We rarely fought. The chemistry was so beautiful. Honestly, the way he looked at me made me see a whole future with him. This boy, he has always struggled with emotions. He hates being depressed; sad in general. He thinks that everything has to be rainbows and sunshine. He just can’t handle emotions like me. He didn’t even cry at his grandmothers funeral even though he was so upset. Of course, I was still depressed and still having a hard time after the bad breakup (I had no feelings for him, he just hurt me very badly). I was sensitive and got depressed out of no where. He cared so much about me that it upset him. And I made him cry. He would say something rude and immediately regret it and end up calling me crying and apologizing. Eventually he found out that my depression doesn’t just “go away” so he got stressed and angry because I have to deal with constant sadness. He did everything in his power to make me feel better. He spoiled me. Not expensively, but he gave me flowers when I was down, stayed up long nights to talk to me even though he had school. He even bought me a huge teddy bear and a journal (he knows I love writing and the movie “The Notebook”) so I could write our journey and story for our future kids like in the movie. I understand what caused the breakup and I accepted it. I changed. Fixed myself and got on medication. Of course I only wish I got on the meds before the breakup occurred. My gut told me it was gonna happen. Eventually the depression continued, the stress got too much for him. He thought I was never happy. Which is a total lie.. He made me so happy. He made my laugh until I couldn’t breathe. He saw my smile. He knew he made me happy. But apparently when I have depression, I’m always sad. This is where his childishness comes along. He ignored me for a whole day. My anxiety was through the roof and I asked him why he was ignoring me the next morning. He said he wasn’t. He was online. He saw my goodnight text (every night we say goodnight, i love you in long paragraphs. sometimes the same in the morning. but it just stopped.) eventually I got pissed off and I said “fuck you”, excuse my language, and he got really mad and broke up with me. In a very harsh way. I never ever said anything rude to him. I was always scared if I did, that would happen. Of course I begged. I asked him why. He said he’s not mentally attracted to me anymore. Which I don’t believe. I think it’s because he’s too stressed out and doesn’t want to be with a girl who makes him sad all the time. Which I didn’t make him sad all the time. I smothered him with jokes and love. He ended deleting me off facebook. I begged my guy friend to get my ex bf to add me back because I cannot go without seeing what he posts. We agreed to be friends. Which that only lasted a day. We haven’t talked since then. I attempted to start a conversation on the 18th but he ended it quickly. Then I decided to start the NC challenge. I guess I have a week left until it’s over. I may extend it. But I got out, made friends, made myself seem happy on facebook. Posted new pictures of me and some guy friends. I know he gets jealous easily so I did that on purpose. I’m petty and childish sometimes. He hasn’t attempted to make any contact. I looked out for signs of the steps of emotions he’d go through. 1: freedom; he seemed pretty happy and okay with everything for a few weeks. Then 2: anger; he seemed pretty angry and got annoyed by things a lot (based off his statuses). He also told people I’m crazy and that I’m overly attached, depressed and stressed. Which is anger. If he didn’t care about me, he wouldn’t make an effort to talk badly about me. And now 3: sadness; he seems to be lonely. He barely has any friends. He goes to sleep early now, which he used to always go to sleep late because he plays video games like every other teenage boy. My conclusion is that he’s getting bored. He makes YouTube videos and sadly I watch them. For the first few weeks, he sounded happy and energetic. Recently, he hasn’t. It’s more like hes not very happy. He’s a guy who is always happy, if not, he covers it up with a fake smile. He hides his emotions. So I have a hard time understanding what he’s going through but so far I think I got it figured out. I could be wrong. I have a strong feeling he’ll come back. But I’m scared he won’t. I’m not going to try and talk to him at all. If he wants me, he’ll have to come get me. It has to be fully his decision. I believe we’re meant to be together. Even though we’re so young. I have hope he’ll come back but I’m scared I’m wrong. I don’t know if I should continue this fight. I don’t feel attracted to any other male so it’s hard for me to move on, and believe me, I tried talking to some guys. I was his first everything, kiss, real girlfriend, etc. That must mean something to him. He’s a teenage boy and doesn’t know how to comprehend with emotions in a relationship. I’m sorry this is so long. I just felt like you needed full detail to know exactly what’s going on. Should I keep waiting, trying, does he truly not love me anymore? I have no idea. Feel free to say what you’d like. I need all the answers I can get. Thank you.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 12, 2016 at 3:13 pm
Hi Brooke,
Thanks for sharing your insights thoroughly. If you are really firm on not initiating a text, have a timeline on how many days you will wait. Give yourself a date until when.. If you say he’s sad, there’s a good chance he will message you eventually.
De vega
March 12, 2016 at 5:00 am
My boyfriend and I have 5months and then he broke up. 3months of being together was ok and happy but later that month is full of misunderstandings. the 1st time he broke up with me is he said is because he felt guilty of making me so sad lately since we have a lot of agruments. that he cant do anything for me. I try to beg and ask not to leave and he agreed. But, i know he wasnt the same. He cant treat me the way he like before. He often times didnt want to see or be with me. And i started being clingy and needy. I checked on his phone and find out that there are other girls he chatted on and even wants to see. He told me he wants to find himself. He said that the problem is him and not me.. i want him back. I was hurt, really hurt.. So i use the no contact rule even there is no official break up done. After 2days he texted that he wants to break up with me. still calls me of our endearment with sad face as if he didnt want it to do. I still didnt give him any response. Is no contact rule still work? Even were just 5months of being together? Is he just not so into me? Please help.
sim
March 21, 2016 at 3:33 pm
yesterday my ex called me from a private number and i picked up. he called me and said why i couldn’t you wait for him, and i said “cause you wanted to get way”. he said if i want to come back and i said no and he said OK then this is my last time calling you then.
what should i do should i call him and get back with him, but i am afraid that he will reject me cause of his man ego. also i am meeting up with him to go to the clinic. i have to go a pregnancy check, how should i get rid of the awkwardness.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 22, 2016 at 11:58 am
Hi Sim,
Since you’re meeting up with him..talk to him and tell him you understand that he’s angry.. but you need time for yourself and you hope for understanding
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 12, 2016 at 2:57 pm
Hi De vega,
I replied to your other comment.. I’ll just copy that okay?
I think he just got tired of the arguments.. I canāt say it will work 100% But continue on even if after he broke up with during it.. unless he really makes an effort to have a serious talk with you to mend things