The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule- What Is He Thinking?

4,280 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

Sophie

March 7, 2015 at 12:06 pm

Hi Chris, i’m trying to get my ex back after a year and a half of being in a relationship, we have never really argued and we had plans for valentines day and were going on holiday this year, we had planned our future and even spoke about getting married one day. Then he woke up one day in January and just ended it, saying he needed to be on his own and couldn’t be in a relationship with me anymore but he still loved me. He has told me not to wait for him and that as he doesn’t want to hurt me anymore than he already has. Twice I have tried to walk away from him and twice ive gone back, so I started again on wednesday and I know i’ve done some of the bad things in running back and telling him I need him, will starting no contact work now even after making mistakes? And I think he is stubborn, so I dont understand how me ignoring him will achieve anything as I dont think he will ever message me.
lisa

March 6, 2015 at 7:34 pm

I am 23 days into no contact. He contacted me only once on day 7 of no contact through a few texts and then finally calling when I didn’t respond and of course I didn’t answer. He hasn’t tried to contact me since that day’s attempt. The reason I implemented no contact was because he made plans to see me and didn’t follow through (and had done this several times before & I spoke on it), but I had already purposed in my mind that if he didn’t stick to the plans on that day that I would be done with him altogether. and just essentially cut him completely off, no phone calls text emails nothing & that he would just find out its over once he attempted to contact me and I don’t respond, he will soon get I have nothing left to say. So the day that he didn’t keep plans this last time was the day I silently broke it off with him. I was just curious to know what he is thinking with my falling off the face of the earth move? Does he think im upset, does think I will never deal with him again in life (seeing as though he repeatedly screwed up in the same area). idk just curious, is he the guy you described that has fear, or the one who is now being stubborn and resulting to a stand off or if he just doesn’t care at all??Thanks
L

March 6, 2015 at 11:26 am

Hi Chris, I came across your website and found it really helpful. I have a question for you. My ex and I recently broke up because he didn’t want a relationship right now and staying together wouldn’t be good for me he said. He suggested we remain friends. I asked for time (no contact) for a couple weeks because I wanted my head clear and didn’t want the kind of relationship where he’d switched to friend mode and I was still in love with him. He said he understood, and he hasn’t tried to contact me. I also said when I’m anxious about something, I tend to go into avoidance (which is true, it wasn’t a game), and he could also call or text me anytime after two weeks. Its now three weeks and he hasn’t tried to contact me. What does that say? Is he being disinterested? I’ve thought about calling him but I think he should call first. What do you think? Should I reach out? Thanks a lot.

admin

March 7, 2015 at 5:56 pm

AFter NC you should definitely reach out.
L

March 10, 2015 at 10:48 am

Thanks a lot for responding Chris, appreciate it.

Sasha

March 5, 2015 at 11:56 am

Hi Chris,

I came across your website after I started NC with the guy (late 30s) I’ve been talked to for 2 years. And, yes, it’s only a text chat, no date, no call, none of those stuffs. We talked, I mean texted, a lot, he told me where he was, what he ate, sent me photos when he’s on a trip, we live in the same city by the way.

Things were good, as far as I felt, until I told him that we talked for 2 yrs already, then he started to slow things down, no things sharing, not answered personal questions, and I felt insecure so I asked him how he felt for me, … no answer, he’s silent.

And I became a text gnat, coz I was afraid that I will lose him, try to text him so that I felt we still connect, but infact it’s only me.

I made another mistake as I talked to one of his friend, asking how is he like in a relationship, but it ended up that that person asked him how he felt for me. And finally, he told that friend that he thought of me as a sister.

With that, I started the NC, and now it’s 16 days already, with no contact from him at all, not a single word. On one hand, I think he puts me as a friend/sister, on the other I could really felt there’s something there when things were good.

He’s a kind of guy that’s quiet, not talkative, but can talk to anyone, be nice to ladies.

Do you think I still have a chance with this guy? What should I do after I complete the NC (30 days no contact)?

Thank you in advance for your advice.

admin

March 7, 2015 at 5:38 pm

You prepare a first contact text message after the no contact rule to send.

Lynn

March 2, 2015 at 10:11 pm

Going on Week 4 of the no contact rule. I have not heard a thing from him. When he called and broke it off, he seemed so upset even crying himself as I was crying. I mailed out his valentines gift 2 days before he broke things off and he didnt’ even contact me to thank me. I am very hurt as to how things are. He and I have been friends for 20 years. I guess I had higher expectations that he would be more respectful to me than just some random chic.

admin

March 3, 2015 at 9:39 pm

Well, maybe he is just being stubborn about contacting you.

Rose

March 1, 2015 at 1:39 pm

Hey Chris,

I am only on day two of NC. I am struggling not to text him. I feel such a loss in my life. I just don’t understand what happened? We went from making plans for vacation in may just a few days ago…to an abrupt break up on Friday. It truly caught me off guard. He has dumped me a few times before for the same reason: he isn’t sure if I’m “the one”. It’s been two years. Tells me that he loves me, couldn’t find a better girl, and that I’m probably the best looking he will ever find. I truly pamper him. I make his meals, do his chores, buy him gifts, lots of lingerie, daily foot rubs. He tells me all the time how lucky he is to have met the whole package. I’m so close with his family. However. .. sometimes I let myself be a doormat. He dumped me once and slept with another girl a few hours after…then begged me back the next day. He has broken up with me many times and I always take him back immediately. I love him. I do so much for him. We have had our ups and downs but not a moment passes that I don’t try to think of new ways to make my partner happy. I have been forgiving and laid back. Sometimes too much. He doesn’t really put enough effort into our relationship. He told me he realizes that and just needs some time to himself to decide if he truly wants a serious relationship. He looked devastated during our breakup. We both cried, hugged, and said really great things to each other. He said please just give me some time to find myself, I love you. We are so close. I’m used to him calling throughout our days. I’m broken. Every time we have broken up he comes back. He even dumped me for another girl once for two weeks. He is 26 and just moved out on his own. I think he struggles with commitment but doesn’t want to lose me. When we were discussing the break up he offered a break stating “I don’t want to chance losing you I just need to get my mind right” I said no. Told him he can’t keep putting me on pause like this. So it’s over. I can’t sleep. I wonder how long it will take until he contacts me. This is the first time I’ve done NC. We usually keep in touch. I know it’s only been two days…but doesn’t he miss me? This feels so wrong.

Rose

March 4, 2015 at 2:57 am

It’s been 4 days not and he texted me last night saying how are you doing. I didn’t respond. He then send “I’m sorry” an hour later. I didn’t reply..Then he said can I bring you anything. I replied finally saying having contact is too hard. He never responded. It’s killing me. I want to call and ask why he sent the I’m sorry text.

Jenny

February 28, 2015 at 5:49 pm

I left my guy because I found out he was talking to another girl. We were in an exclusive relationship but he used the “but I’m not your bf” card hence he does not have to remain loyal but he wasn’t being honest and lying. So obviously I cut him out and have been. He’s still talkig to the other girl I assume but he hits me up every weekend since post break up and I told him to leave me alone but he continues to message me and even if I ignore him he goes “really you’re gonna ignore me” (like the first guy). I still haven’t responded. He called me yesterday and I ignored him again he’s been telling his friends he doesn’t want to hang out and that I was clingy but here I am not even giving him the time of day. But now he messages me weekly and wants to introduce me to more of his friends…. I DONT GET IT. What more do I need to do.. I still like him obviously but I’m not gonna settle for being an option and respect myself.
Milly

February 28, 2015 at 4:29 pm

Hi Chris,
I sent u a question on your page on ‘how to make your ex regret letting you go’. I have still to receive a reply. I know that u are busy.
I have another question for u now. I was just re- reading over the rules of no contact. To try again.
I deleted my Facebook account and actually most of my social media.
Was that smart ?
Sarah

February 27, 2015 at 7:18 am

He just also said he still loves me but he isn’t saying anything about getting back together he called me today I don’t understand what is going through his mind.. Part of me thinks he is keeping me as a back up he is interstate
Hannah

February 26, 2015 at 4:24 pm

Hi Chris, my boyfriend broke up with me last week after two years. The reasons for the breakup are things like my looks, my (not being in) shape, that I do no sports, that I don’t want to go out in the evening or that I do not like to go to a concert with him… things like that… Oh by the way, he is 27 not 15!! I’m 27 too. In my opinion, we had a good relationship. So there were no major fights, no real big discrepancies.
We went to a bar this evening last week and he told me numerous things like the things I listed above. He said that he still loves me, but that there a too many things that he doesn’t like. We both cried, we hugged, we kissed, than he said, that he changed his mind and that he does not want to break up with me. He wanted me to think about everything he said. But the next day he said, that there would be no hope for us anymore. I wrote him back, but since that day he did not contact me anymore. So HE implemented the NC and I did not contact him either since that day. Right now, it’s day 9. What do you think about that? Does NC has the same effect when he implements it? What shall I do?
Sarah

February 25, 2015 at 7:40 pm

Hi Chris, I am soo stuck and confused. Me and my ex were engaged, together for going on 3 years. About 2 weeks ago he broke up with me and moved interstate, it was the 3rd time he’d broken up with me, we always had a lot of negative influence from family that caused a lot of strain on us. We had just moved into our new house his name is on the lease. When he left he told everyone that’s it’s over for good.. One big reason us breaking up he really wanted kids, I didn’t want kids till I was 33 35 which I realise now is to late, I wasn’t willing at the time to compromise. He really wanted to put our money together, get married I was scared my parents went through a divorce. Anyway since he has been interstate he has been contacting me, on Sunday we spoke for 40 minutes, he told me he loves me and missed me. I didn’t hear from him for 2 days to get hey are you ok? I haven’t heard from you? He told me he had a shit day and work and usually texts me back but he didn’t call me since Sunday. I’m scared to completely do no contact he is up and down, he did say something stupid like if I’m single when he comes back it would be a bonus. Is he just playing games. He is coming next month for the weekend. I told him I realised that age is to late for kids , if he isn’t planning on coming back why is he in contact with me or am I his fall back girl???

admin

February 25, 2015 at 10:09 pm

How old was he?
Sarah

February 26, 2015 at 6:10 am

He is 26 and I am 27 he just called me, we spoke he seems happy but nothing about getting back together he said he is coming down next months and he said he will give me a call back again tonight. I feel like talking about the relationship but I’m guessing that’s a bad move?

Sarah

February 25, 2015 at 7:30 pm

Hi Chris

admin

February 25, 2015 at 10:09 pm

Hi Sarah.

Jess

February 25, 2015 at 7:13 pm

Hey. I’ve been dating this guy for about 8 months. We had an undeniable attraction towards each other . Things were amazing in the bedroom we got on like a house on fire he was very affectionate to me in public and in private . Anyway so 3 days ago I asked him where our relationship was going we’re we goin to get more serious etc,, . he broke up with me, said he wasn’t over his last girlfriend who left him for another man. He told me that he wants to say he loves me but he can’t. I’m just wondering if his heart is with another woman is there any chance we could get back together?

admin

March 1, 2015 at 5:47 pm

Is he dating that other girl yet?

She may reject him and he may come running back the question is do you want him back then?

KellyQ

February 24, 2015 at 8:35 pm

Im sory to burst everyones bubble here. but N/C DOES NOT WORK!!!….period. I did everything perfectly and still her never came back…please Do Not act like its a perfect solution because its not. Every breakup is unique and a one way solution is not the answer!!!

admin

February 24, 2015 at 10:03 pm

Hi Kelly,

I respect your opinion and in some sense you are right, NC doesn’t work all the time. However, I have hundreds of women who have gotten their exes back that will disagree with you.

Almond

February 24, 2015 at 5:40 pm

Hello,

My ex boyfriend broke up with me in early January but we kept seeing each other until today. He wanted to stay friends, he wanted to keep having sex, and even wanted to consider dating again in the future. Now he says he is done.

I have an anxious attachment type and he is avoidant… my anxiety over the loss (and thus not giving him space) pushed him further and further away.

He’s extremely tired of me. This is probably months overdue (we’ve known each other about 1.5 years- when we first met he said I was his dream girl in appearance and intellect. He’d pursued me hard when I wasn’t interested for half a year, and later admitted to Facebook stalking me and having dreams about me before we even talked!).

Since he is so burnt out on me, but does care about me enough to have dragged this out so long… will implementing NC now that he’s already completely emotionally detached with me help? He wanted space, but I don’t know if we’re too far gone to even hope.
Ella

February 24, 2015 at 3:44 am

Hi! My boyfriend and I of 8 months broke up a few days ago. Lately, I’ve had a lot going on with my emotions and I’ve been very insecure with the relationship. I’ve been doing terrible things like accusing him of cheating, threatening to leave him, picking fights every couple weeks that I continue on for hours. He is very non expressive with his feelings and that is extremely hard for me to handle. The day we broke up I said it was over after fighting and backing him into a corner to talk to me, he gave me nothing so I left. I was even crying infront of his mother and said I was thankful for everything she has done for me. Basically, I made it seem legitimate. As wrong as it was, and as immature, I wanted him to chase after me. He didn’t. That night I sent a whole wack of texts saying I was sorry and explaining what I’m willing to work on and blah blah. I tried calling once. Since then he hasn’t replied or tried to contact me at all. So I’ve stayed silent. Can I reedeem myself, will the no contact rule work even if I tried to speak first and even if he is ignoring me? Please help!

admin

February 24, 2015 at 9:34 pm

Of course it can!

JJ

February 24, 2015 at 12:52 am

My ex broke up with me jan 1. Together for 6 years. Said he loved me, was not in love, we are too different etc.i kept contacting begging (i know i know) saw eachother two weeks later, rehashing the breakup. 3 more weeks im still contacting him, we meet up. Rehash it again – he was cryi g, holding my hand, kissing my head.
next day i kept pushing he got so mad, told me to move on and if i called once more he would block my number. Day 5 NC right now.

This past year has been stressful, i was diagnosed with cancer. Told him to leave, said he loved me regardless and was staying. He bought a house and we planned a life together. He broke up with me once i was clear from cancer (so far)

What do i do?

admin

February 24, 2015 at 9:25 pm

How long after you cleared from the cancer did it take for him to break up with you?
JJ

February 25, 2015 at 3:44 pm

It was 4 days before my all clear appt.

St4cey

February 23, 2015 at 4:12 pm

A classification would help me understand 🙂 An initial dating/sexual attraction turned into an emotional one – I asked if we could quit dating and see if we could explore this as a relationship. He didn’t want the titles or obligations of a relationship as he got burnt in the past but sure. I didn’t know where it might go either. The physical stopped – almost – I would have to instigate affection despite him appearing physically into me… But then he took from me emotionally – as I matched his intellect – almost using me to feed his insecurity and difficult upbringing. I never put any obligations, restrictions on him, he’s his own man. We had a week’s holiday – again mixed signals, no physical unless I instigated. Although were not facebook friends, he asked to add intimate selfies of us both to his 450 ‘friends’, so I took this as an indication he was happy for me too – a public declaration that ‘im with you!… Until a friend asked if he was my fella and I said yes! I saw him last week, he unloaded a loaded of problems he has on me and I offered a sounding board, but when I asked him if he wanted to carry on exploring ‘this’ it was a flat no! He’d seemed to flick a switch with the ‘he your fella’ comment. He said can I still be the sounding board. He said he hadn’t want to lead me on and let me down later and thought he’d been clear…he said what if he found someone else in a few weeks and was obligated to me?! What??? So I asked to leave. He then said I can’t give you marriage, babies, a house – I’ve never been that type of girl – I value my freedom! I’m independent, not needy. He said he’s done this before with a previous girl – he actually given her mixed signals too. He then said, I’ve never been happier than when I’ve been with you, would be devastated if he never heard from me… Told me he respected me too much to let me be a fuck buddy, I’m intelligent, he is attracted to me etc. I hugged him, said he was free to go-… I’ve not spoken to him since. He’s text a couple of times saying can we clarify the conversation – see what we both got from it? He ‘needs to tell me a couple of things’ – since then, nothing! Like he doesn’t realise what he’s said. Keep me close, see other people… Although he would be jealous! Rejection hurts clearly, but I want to understand where he’s coming from – what is he doing?!! I’m keeping my distance but thought we were getting closer…confused.com!
Shannon

February 23, 2015 at 2:45 am

My fiancé broke up with me on valentines day. We have been friends for over 12 years, together for 2 years and engaged for 1 year. I am completely devastated, our fights have increased over the past month due to money problems. Then we argued on valentines day and he left….. as did I. neither one of us have been to our house. he has only texted me once since then. I have not made contact, we are both stubborn as heck. I think he should call me and I’m sure he thinks I should call him….this NO Contact rule is new to me. Concerning social media, we have ALL of the same friends and he has changed his profile picture from us, but he still has that he is engaged to me. What do I take of this…. I need some advice, im lost and confused and extremely stressed over this! Thank you in advance for your help.

admin

February 23, 2015 at 9:37 pm

Well someone is going to have to go to the house eventually haha.

Alright, what did you break up over exactly?

What was the fight over?

Hannah

February 22, 2015 at 5:26 am

Hi, my ex and I were together for 4 years before he moved to another country because he signed a 9 month contact with a company over there, we broke up 3 months ago but he told me he would always care for me and I agree to stay friend with him. We continued to talk twice a week afterward. About a month ago, he started dating someone else and stopped talking to me regularly. I then removed him from my Facebook. 2 weeks after, he contacted me asking why I removed him and I told him “I just realized that it was hard for me to focus on myself and a bit of a emotional consuming to stay friend with you. It was never a good idea in the first place…at least that’s how I feel right now, I don’t know what the future holds. You’ve moved on and so I was thinking it is time I should do the same. I just really hope you will find happiness.” About a week after, he started to contact me again every single day, saying he was worrying about me and he only needed me to tell him if I’m ok. It’s been going on for almost a week now and I’m starting to feel bad for not responding but at the same time angry that he would not admit that he has been missing me! What should I do in this situation? Should I continue to ignore him until the end of the 30 day NC or should I respond with “I’m ok”? Thank you!

admin

February 22, 2015 at 5:25 pm

You sure should!

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4,280 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”