The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule- What Is He Thinking?

4,280 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

Tallia

October 20, 2015 at 8:48 pm

I’m on day 45 of 60 day nc and there is no sign of my ex whatsoever. He stopped texting me after day 12 only 4 texts asking “how are you” then he blocked and deleted me off Facebook. And not heard anything since. So now I’m struggling as to what to do next?

hannah

November 15, 2015 at 10:37 pm

Im in to a week of NC. my bf left me sayin he isnt happy with the relationship and do not see a future with me.but he does loves me but like that? its been 2 weeks since we broke up. do you think the NC will work. his very stubborn, in the past i only remenber twice he contacted me first whenever we havr arguments.
Chris Seiter

October 22, 2015 at 12:56 am

Why are you doing 60 days? You should contact him now. Read this post. https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/using-text-messages-to-get-your-ex-boyfriend-back/

Ciarra

October 20, 2015 at 12:51 pm

Chris, is there any other reaction that your ex could have during no contact? And if he may be seeing or talking to someone else during my no contact period wouldn’t that ensure that he wouldn’t contact me?

Chris Seiter

October 22, 2015 at 1:02 am

He might not contact you during no contact if he has a new woman but he will most likely think about you alot.

Jace

October 20, 2015 at 8:47 am

Me and my BF broke up for a week now. I’ve done all those desperate stuff, being super nice, showing affection, being attentive, does chores and spend time with him and his friends afterwards.

The reason we broke up was because of my anger issue, the past year was amazing but since I’ve started taking him for granted, he seek attention elsewhere and eventually started dating “X”.

Our break up didn’t end in an ugly manner and was in fact mature and understanding. He kept saying how he regretted allowing himself to do such horrible stuff to me and there’s already no way turning back.

He’s with X as of now. However, me, him and even his best friends thinks that X is a bad news. He couldn’t really understand the logic behind choosing “X”, as he told me he already know before starting it that things are definitely not going to last. Being an understanding partner, I just let him do what he pleases.

I’ve stumbled upon your website and have learned so much; especially this NC thing that I once thought about trying. However, knowing that “X” is a bad news, I can’t even bare the mindset of leaving him alone facing all the hardship in the near future, I want to be by his side and lend him a shoulder to cry on if things go south (It will).

I also know that he still has feelings for me, the eyes that he looked at me, he cuddles me to sleep, etc. He even called me yesterday just to chit chat as usual while complaining a little about X. However he also mentioned that we can never be together anymore. He’s terribly sorry for hurting me, he couldn’t face me and is afraid that even if we get back together, he’s gonna hurt me once again.

Dear Chris, I hope you can give me a lead on how should I proceed, your help will be greatly appreciated.
I wonder

October 19, 2015 at 1:22 am

What about the NC rule and social media. If you are implementing NC can you still post frequently on social media (not pertaining to him or relationships but happy posts; selfies, out with friends etc). If your page is not private and he or anyone can view…

Chris Seiter

October 20, 2015 at 9:39 pm

Yes, in fact I would recommend that you post frequently.

Sasha

October 17, 2015 at 1:42 pm

Wow, stumbled across this website and thought what the hell lets have some advice!
I have never been into online dating or went looking for a guy but a year ago I was playing around on Chat roulette and stumbled across a guy who was on par with my humour..
We speak most days and send pictures and videos alot. ( we have had our wtf are we doing moments and stopped speaking for three weeks but we always get back in contact)
Recently though I noticed a change in how he spoke with me. My videos would get “wow you have just wasted minutes of my life” or “98% of my problems are you” all in a jokey manner… I started to withdraw and got the “hello im craving your attention here” I asked him outright if this was enjoyable for him anymore and he said “not when we are like this” he explained how I am “adorable or a b!tch”
I advised that my bitchyness usually comes out when he gives me abnoxious responses to which he replied “Wow noe your bitchy”
Anyway, I asked him “do you actually have any feelings for me at all” to which he replied ” I appreciate you and like you but I dont think I have feelings” I then said wow that hurt and blocked him off everything. (Maybe a bit over the top but I had enough, this guy is flirty, shares his whole life with me, says how great I am, talks dirty with me and reads me storys in bed?!) Now I am not saying I have bee perfect #aftertaste :p I have mentioned many times as self defence this will go no where and how I never thought I would be someone who feel for someone online.. nc is happening right now and I know I can do it. Any thoughts from you?

Apartgirl

October 28, 2015 at 4:48 pm

I can feel you sis, my situation is like yours…very much… i declared NC for 8 days now, which is unusuall, the last time we spoke i gave a hint, that i won’t contact him, and he just said, i can talk to him anytime, and i just replied a smile, and that was 8 days, actually there’s more story behind that, and i am trying to move on, well, i mean why waste time to the person who deosnt even care to contact you?!?is he the stubborn type? I don’t know..and i am tired to care, though sometimes i am thinking if he do think of me too, eventhough i know he talks with other girls too.
Sasha

October 19, 2015 at 7:26 am

No, we managed well to avoid the relationship topic as much as we could because we like in different countrys… he refers to me as his gf through a phone.. but we are very sarcastic and jokey people. One night I think I hurt him and he was angry but kept saying “this is drama free we don’t need to talk about it”
There has been talks about meeting up but his fear is I wont like him in the flesh (even though we skype and whatsapp videos all the time) or we both come to the conclusion that we could get on amazingly and its gonna be even worse as neither will move to the other..
Wow even typing this I can see how it was risky to even keep up the communication…
Chris Seiter

October 18, 2015 at 11:28 pm

I am glad you stumbled across it!

Question.

Were the two of you ever “official”

DM

October 16, 2015 at 5:41 pm

Hi Chris,

I posted before. It’s been 30 days no contact since I last spoke to my ex. When we last spoke it had been 2 weeks since our breakup and he had called me asking for forgiveness and then we had had sex. The day that followed that, I sent him a video message letting him know that if he what he needed was to be alone to deal with his problems that he should do that and not worry about me and that if he felt he wanted me to be with him through this, that I could also be there for him and for his kids. As stated in my previous post, I haven’t contacted him since but he has also not contacted me. He never responded to me and I never tried to contact him again.

I’m afraid to send that first text. I have read the pages and I understand how to do it and already know what to say, but… I’m afraid that he just doesn’t want me in his life. We were a very healthy relationship – never disrespectful or rude and he talked about me all the time to everyone as did I. My only reason for thinking that he doesn’t want me in his life is simply because I haven’t heard from him.

Would it be silly of me to continue to wait and see if he texts me himself?

Chris Seiter

October 17, 2015 at 12:28 am

Ok, This is the classic situation. Happens all of the time. You can’t give in to him and have sex with him just because he said he was sorry. The best thing to do is to think of this as a new relationship. Make him work to get you. I know it feels right in the moment to sleep with your ex because you have that history and rapport already built up but if you want him to be your boyfriend again you will have to make him earn it. No it wouldn’t be silly for you to wait but feel free to send that first text if to much time goes by with silence.

Sharan

October 15, 2015 at 10:34 am

Hi Chris,

I have been in a long distant relationship since April this year, things have been good however we have been having arguments recently… I feel as though he ignores me and he explains himself but makes me feel as though I’m reading too much into things and suggests we cut down on contact.

Recently he said that he feels he is getting bored in the relationship therefore we need to cut down on contact, this upset me clearly as it was unexpected and things had been going well. We spoke only once a day and during the day he and I would do whatever we needed to do. I asked him why he thinks this and his reason is that when we eventually do start living together we will have nothing to talk about! Anyway to cut a long story short I ended up getting really upset and suggested that we do what he has always wanted which is no contact. It’s been three days and he hasnt contacted me which is now making me feel as though he doesn’t really care.

What shall I do?

Chris Seiter

October 16, 2015 at 3:08 am

What just three days into NC…

Seriously?

Sometimes it takes men a while.

Jasmine

October 13, 2015 at 5:15 am

Hi Chris, I am Jasmine. My ex broke up with me after 2 3/4 years of being together. I could not blame him as we were fighting most of the time. He said feels unhappy in this relationship.He wants peace.He says he loves me and what he is doing is difficult to him as well. He told me to leave him alone. He said its best that he breaks up with now rather then falling in love with someone else whilst being with me. The thing is I am willing to do anything and whatever it takes to win his heart back, i truly love him and I want to genuinely make him happy. He has even introduced me to his parents and Godparents.He has told me he was very serious about me but it ended because we fought over a petty issue, do you really think the no contact rule would work as i am afraid he would move on to someone else and it would be definitely unbearable, can you please help me,do you think there is any chances of getting back together with my ex? I would really appreciate some genuine advice Chris.

Regards,
Jasmine

hannah

November 15, 2015 at 10:44 pm

hey jasmine,i read your post sounds similiar to my situation. my bf broke up with me saying his unhappy in our relationship,and see no future with me. its thr best for us to break up. but he say he still loves me.im just into one week of NC, and we been broke up for 2 weeks now. he havent contact me at all. im very miserable at this point. did NC worked for you?
Chris Seiter

October 14, 2015 at 1:05 am

It is every womans greatest fear that he will find someone else and I definitely understand it but there is no way around the no contact rule in my mind.

DM

October 12, 2015 at 5:17 pm

My ex and I started dating in May of this year. We had our hiccups at the beginning, nothing serious, just two obviously insecure people unsure of what they were doing and then things got really good between us. We both have kids and were really skeptical about introducing each other to our kids, but I introduced him to my son in August mainly due to circumstance and then at the end of August (he’d been more strict about not meeting his kids yet), he also introduced me to his kids. I’ve met his entire family and he’s met some of mine and I’ve met almost all of his friends. Everyone he has introduced me to has told me flat out that he never stops talking about this amazing woman that he’s seeing (aka me). He’s been going through a rough time in his life since we met (he’d lost his job and was having trouble finding a new one). He broke up with me a week after introducing me to his kids while very very drunk… why? because i deserve better, because he is struggling financially, because i make more than he does even when he does have a job, etc. He said that he thinks I’m amazing in all ways. It just sounded a lot like he didn’t/doesn’t feel he’s good enough for me (note: I’m just a normal person, not supermodel hot, not Einstein smart, just normal).

We didn’t speak for 11 days after that (no, I did not call/text anything). He called me and I did answer (hadn’t read all these lovely posts yet). He asked me if i could forgive him. I said “for what?” – the breakup wasn’t exactly rude or offensive since he pretty much told me I’m wonderful. And he admitted that he didn’t remember anything from that night. I told him he broke up with me, he couldn’t believe it. He said can you forgive me and I said there was nothing to forgive but that I didn’t know where that left us. He didn’t either. We hung up and he immediately text me asking me to come see him so we could talk. I said no and we ended up having a long phone call at 3am that night where he explained everything he was going through and that he is depressed and that he doesn’t want to drag me down with him and that he feels like all he can do right now is just be with his kids because he feels so down. He reiterated that I should be with someone better. We saw each other after that call (at 5am) and we did have sex. We were supposed to see each other later that day, but he ended up having to be with his kids again and so we canceled our plans. The next morning I sent him a video message letting him know that I understand what he’s going through and that I don’t want this to be difficult for anyone, that if what he needs right now is to be alone so that he can deal with his problems that I understand and he shouldn’t worry about me. I also said that if what he wanted was for me to be there with him through this that I was also all in and that it was up to him which way this goes. A few hours after that, it occurred to me that another thing that I could do for him was a night of pampering. So, I sent him a text offering exactly that. I haven’t heard from him. He never responded to either the video message or the text. I haven’t called/texted him either. It’s been 4 weeks since then.

I’m not even sure if I’m doing NC or if he’s doing NC or if we’re just kind of at a standstill. I know that what he’s going through is serious and further, I know that whatever happens now has to come from him. I feel like I’ve made myself clear in terms of wanting to be with him.

Will NC work for me? Which of the 7 guys do you think he is, based on this desc? Any words of advice?

DM

October 13, 2015 at 5:36 pm

I thought about it and felt I needed to add a few things: my ex was with his son’s mom for 7 years, he told me that he loved her very much. They broke up about a year before we met, she had cheated on him among other things. He told me when we first met to be patient with him that he wasn’t sure if he was ready for a relationship. I never pushed. Never said anything about the status of our relationship. It progressed into what it was because of him.

He started to confide in me more and more and a few weeks in, he asked me if I cared about him. He insisted on meeting my friends and family. Even meeting his kids, he surprised me with them. He also had started talking about us moving in together. I always pushed it off with “we’ll see” because I wanted to take things slowly. The night before he drunkenly broke up with me, we had gone out together and as we got back to his place, he told me that he wanted us to get an apartment together and I laughed it off (we had been out drinking), he got very serious and told me that he meant it that he wanted to live with me and I told him that I had no doubt in my mind that we would live together soon, and I meant it. That was the first (and last) time that we told each other that we loved each other. He had said that he loved me in conversation before, but never to me. For example, the night I met his kids, he called me after we all headed to our respective homes and he said that it was amazing having had that experience with me (I am the first woman to meet his kids), that I’m great with kids (which I am) and that his kids loved me and that it made him love me more to share that night with me.

The night after talking about moving in and saying I love you for the first time, when he called me drunk (it was labor day weekend, he doesn’t have a drinking problem), he first told me that he wanted to see me and asked if we would see each other the next day and then he called back twenty minutes later and the conversation just spiraled into a breakup. He wanted me to come over right then, I said that I couldn’t and he said “why are you with me?” and then went into what I described previously – I deserve better, etc.

My reasons for wanting to get back together with him are simple: I thoroughly enjoyed every day/night that I was able to spend with him. We had a great time together from the start. It was an easy relationship and I felt like we had something really healthy and good (he used to say the same thing about us).

What I don’t know anymore (because all of this time apart has created a lot of doubt) is whether I was the rebound or not. Is he just scared? Or did he just realize that he doesn’t love me?

I don’t want to reach out to him at the end of the NC period. Not because I don’t want to be with him, but because I need to know that he is ready and he wants me in his life as much as I want him.

Is there any chance he’ll call me at this point? I know, he already did once… and I have no clue what happened after that. Has he found a job? Is this all because he’s still struggling and doesn’t feel like he has anything to offer me? Will he call me when he does find a job? Is he thinking about me? Does he miss me?

And, how can you explain to a man that ensuring that I feel loved and appreciated and respected and admired is worth A BILLION times more than being able to take me out to a fancy dinner?

Ne

October 8, 2015 at 7:03 am

Hi Chris,
Me and my 11 months bf have been having some issues for a while
I liked him shortly after we met (may last year) but he kept acting hot and cold hot and cold, then we got together around November, but by that time i had all my patience consumed, and i was abit clingy, the first four months of the relationship were amazing, we were soooo into each other, and then problems and issues happened, i felt that he wouldn’t dedicate time for me, like he wants to live his old life and have me on the side, i wanted to see effort
I admit i was really clingy and always annoyed.

Anyways Since Sept/2 we’ve been having issues and we are both pressured and confused about the relationship and constant fighting ( like a huge fight once every 2 months)

we are both stubborn and i have so many insecurities and thats why my behavior is bad
anyways so in sept/17 he told me he thinks its better if we end it, because we are always not getting each other, and i tend to think bad of him.
and he feels so pressured he loves me and all, but he has a 13 hours construction job and he is extremly stressed and cant deal with my stress
Then we met and he said lets give our selves a one month break, and then we can take it from there,
its been almost 3 weeks with us no talking at all at all
sometimes i see him talking on a group we have and joking with other girls, but im not talking at all im keeping a distance

I dont know what to do ir what to expect now
i dont know if he would call after the month is over and im very frustrated
Caroline

October 8, 2015 at 5:23 am

Hi Chris. I wasn’t sure which post would be most relevant for this comment, but here it is. We dated for two years, and I’m his first serious relationship. He told me he loved me daily, usually several times. He complimented me, always wanted me to come over, cuddle, spend time together, talk about our days, the whole deal. He clearly cared about me a lot, which is why it’s so hurtful to hear the things I post below. I’m currently making my way through NC (day 21). I’m doing everything you said and following all of the suggestions in your posts and book; however, I’m really worried about my chances! I have heard from friends that my ex has said things like…

(right after the breakup)
-“I got over her in 3 days. I’m totally over it.”
-“I’m done.”
-“I don’t love her anymore.”
-“She’s a bitch.”
-(when they asked about me) “What makes you think I want to talk about her???”
-“I don’t care if she’s upset and crying. I’m not picking up her call.”
-“All women are bitches in some way. You just have to wait; they’ll show you eventually.”
—obvious lies like…..
-“I never thought she was attractive.” (***He told everyone constantly how hot he thought I was.)
-“She never made any decisions about anything.” (***I planned nearly everything for him because he doesn’t like planning, from our dates down to what we made for dinner every night.)

(a few days ago)
-“I love being single!”

Are these really bad signs? I’m afraid by doing NC I’m helping him get over me super fast! Or is this part of how the male mind works…please help!

P.S. He doesn’t know his friends have told me everything he’s said about me so I don’t think he’s just saying those things to hurt me. He has no idea I’ve heard it all from them…could it really be true that he got over a two-year, first serious relationship in 3 days and has fallen out of love and has zero reminders of me ever? Is that truly possible?
Want him back

October 7, 2015 at 1:23 pm

Hi Chris, my boyfriend broke up with me about a month ago. We were in a long distance relationship and I guess he couldn’t handle being away from me.. Or that was his reason anyway. He definitely broke my heart in two. After we broke up I asked him multiple times if we can get back together and he said, I don’t know. So about a week ago I blocked him on all social media, he messaged me and asked why I’m trying to erase him from my life, but I simply told him it’s the only power I had over this whole situation and he said “whatever, fine.” Then just last night he messaged me again saying “you blocked me??! Hah wow.” And then ” so tell me when an appropriate time would be to throw away your note.” I wrote him a note saying I love him and stuff before he left for school. Anyways, I didn’t reply because I’m a week into the NC period. So my question is will not replying push him away? Because I was planning on contacting him after the NC period was up.. But it might be too late by then.
G

October 7, 2015 at 12:54 pm

Hi, I went to my bf house last week Monday because, well I was having a ruff weekend and I tend to go to him for everything because, he makes me feel better. Our plan was to just watch a movie and cuddle up but then stuff happened. After the stuff we ended up doing what I went there to do. After Monday he didn’t contact me until my birthday which was the following Thursday. He told me happy birthday then later in the night broke up with me. Let me be honest, he didn’t want to on my special day but I’m stubborn just like him so I drew it out of him. I try not to contact him but I did Monday because I wanted to know why. He replied saying that he felt caged. I told him no problem, that I completely understood. He didn’t reply so I guess yesterday would be the starting of the NC rule. Will I get him back? I really love him.
kiara

October 5, 2015 at 9:23 pm

Hi Chris I am currently in the NC rule with my ex boyfriend right now. We’ve been long distance for a really Long time now and he’s been planning to come see me. But things went wrong and I don’t know how but he just started to change ever since he started college. I really want him back and it’s just so hard not to contact him. What can I do to stay busy? And should I be worrying this much? He has blocked me before but unblocked me very quickly. But it has been a week since I’ve talked to him. Should I wait some more?

Chris Seiter

October 6, 2015 at 3:54 am

And you are currently blocked right now?

Krista

October 5, 2015 at 5:10 am

Hi Chris,
So I dated my ex for 4 months we broke up because of distance. I moved closer and it’s been 1 year and a half since we broke up. We haven’t stopped talking but he did get a new gf last year they only lasted a month and I was there for him through his breakup. Since then he’s been leading me on saying he wants to be with me he’s just not ready. But he also has another girl that he says is just his friend but he has had sex with her but not for a while but says he’s not attracted to her and wants me. I’m just so sick of feeling like this and feeling like he’ll never commit. Should I try the NC rule or just move on? Please reply I’d appreciate it so much. Thanks!
SHEVAWN

October 1, 2015 at 12:18 pm

Hello Chris,
I am NCing my Boyfriend of a year and a half. He has been the greatest boyfriend. He pursued me for 8 months long distance. Calling almost every week of which I refuse to pick up the phone to speak to him at the time because I did not want to have a long distance relationship. I always felt that they were too hard. I finally gave in and started to speak with him. He owns his own radio station so money is not a problem for him. I will explain why I am mentioning this later. He had asked over and over for the next few months to come visit and I resisted. I would always make up an excuse. I felt safer keeping him at bay because I knew if he came to see me I would fall for him. He is very charming and good looking. Ok ….here is what happened. He knew I was traveling cross country to see my mom. He arranged to change his flight to Denver to cross paths with me at an airport in Houston just so that he could see me. When I got off the plane he was standing there. I was pleasantly surprised and impressed. He waited with me until my next flight and he took off for Denver. I am telling you how much trouble he put himself through just to see me. The conversations continued for the next four months and they were deep and heartfelt and long. He flew out to Los Angeles for just a day to see me again and flew back to his home the next day. Now tell me who does that? The next month…he flew back to LA again to take me to a play and flew back within two days. It was a great visit. By this time we are intimate with each other. From that month on he arranged flights for me to come to see him almost every month. He took care of me , my travel and hotel. He set up different events like plays and concerts for us to attend. Somewhere in all of this I was wondering when is he going to ask me to marry him. I expressed that I was not interested in dating him all my life. I would never bring up marriage but I really wanted him to let me go if his intentions were not to marry me. I would never bring marriage up just that we should figure out what is best for us or allow me to find what is best for me. He always stated that he wants us to be together but the finances of his station is owning him at the time and if I could be patient. This issue has always be a thorn in our relationship. I want to be with him daily and I was just tired of the travel even though he was taking care of it. After a while I noticed that his text messages were getting shorter and shorter but he would still send for me to be with him. He said he feared that because of this issue he knew or felt that he would loose me someday. That I am not patient enough to with stand the distance issue. He would always talk about how much he loved me and I him.

This is where things blow up. My visit to him a few weeks ago to Dallas this time was wonderful the first day. In the morning he showed me pictures of his son on the cheerleading squad. At that moment a call came through and he quickly covered the name. I became suspicious but played it cool. I heard him mention he got nervously busy trying to play it off. I kept calm and just enjoyed the rest of my visit. The last day before leaving while he was in the shower, I curiosity got the better of me. I have never done this before but I had to know. I went into his phone and saw the text message that said BABY, I WAITED FOR YOUR CALL’…The women was beautiful and trim. I am the same build so I know he was attracted to her. He likes women who are petite and take care of themselves. I asked him about it and He said haven’t I had men approach me and it is nothing more than friends. I said yes but i don’t entertain them and they don’t call me baby. Apparentely there is a relationship going on here. I expressed in a calm voice that i will not becoming back. I was hurt. He took me to the airport and chose to stay with me until my flight left watching me until I got in the flight. When I landed he stated that He could never forgive me for violating his privacy, this is something he would never do to me, take care. I wish you the best. I wish him the same. I started NC the next day before I even heard of your program. I have been in NC 6 days before I bought your program. Where did I go wrong , should I give up and is there any hope? I love him so much but will not tolerate this. I want him to get to a point that he misses me so much he will ask me to marry him without any prompting from me. Its got to be his idea about marriage. I am now in day 8 of NC and he hasn’t even tried to call or text not that I would answer but at least for my ego I wish I knew but there is not attempt. I feel like its over. Any advise would be great Chris. PLEASE RESPOND I FEEL SO SAD!!!!

Anon

October 28, 2015 at 8:49 am

Hi SHEVAWN

I agree with IVETTE. It definitely sounds as you are being played. My ex also pursued me relentlessly, in the 3 years we dated I fell in love with him. For the last year I went through what you described with my Ex, off and on and trying to work it out. Turned out he was dating someone else during this time and had some women on the side. These women were also just friends, same situation where i said friends don’t speak to each other that way. I had constant anxiety and pain (physical and emotional). I am day 8 of NC. He sent me an email on day 6 and called me twice on day 7. After ignoring the email of “I miss you” and being short with him he hasn’t tried again. I see him everyday as we work together, we lock eyes say nothing and walk past. I actually got onto this site not to get my ex back but to remind myself why I shouldn’t break NC. Also got info on why I couldn’t previously maintain NC. NC is the hardest thing to do! I miss him constantly, I want to cry, I want to so desperately reach out to him. Perhaps what no one else talks about it containing the physical need for him. I miss his touch. I just wanted to say that you need to decide if its worth it. I have to choose everyday and sometimes constantly though out the day not to break NC. Took me a year to get to this point. Chris has write up on if your ex is playing mind games and also a write up on cheating boyfriends. Perhaps you should read those too. Right now I’m on the site again to remind myself that contacting him will take away my power. Good luck with whatever you decided to do. And good luck to everyone else trying to get there ex’s back.
SHEVAWN

October 6, 2015 at 5:16 am

Thanks for your advise Ivette….You stated that I should move on however would that be the advise for everyone including you on this site or is this site for specific situations. I would assume that everyone is on this site to get an ex back or there is no hope for any of us…correct? Just wondering …
I am 14 days into NC and thought this would change my situation. I was hoping for a different comment however thank you for the support!
Ivette

October 2, 2015 at 3:18 pm

I’m not Chris, but it sounds like you’re being played. Looks like he does in fact have another relationship going on with at least one other woman, and you don’t know if he’s doing the same routine with her too. I think you should move on and find someone who actually wants a real relationship instead of playing with women.
SHEVAWN

October 2, 2015 at 3:01 am

Hello Chris,
I am NCing my Boyfriend of a year and a half. He has been the greatest boyfriend. He pursued me for 8 months long distance. Calling almost every week of which I refuse to pick up the phone to speak to him at the time because I did not want to have a long distance relationship. I always felt that they were too hard. I finally gave in and started to speak with him. He owns his own radio station so money is not a problem for him. I will explain why I am mentioning this later. He had asked over and over for the next few months to come visit and I resisted. I would always make up an excuse. I felt safer keeping him at bay because I knew if he came to see me I would fall for him. He is very charming and good looking. Ok ….here is what happened. He knew I was traveling cross country to see my mom. He arranged to change his flight to Denver to cross paths with me at an airport in Houston just so that he could see me. When I got off the plane he was standing there. I was pleasantly surprised and impressed. He waited with me until my next flight and he took off for Denver. I am telling you how much trouble he put himself through just to see me. The conversations continued for the next four months and they were deep and heartfelt and long. He flew out to Los Angeles for just a day to see me again and flew back to his home the next day. Now tell me who does that? The next month…he flew back to LA again to take me to a play and flew back within two days. It was a great visit. By this time we are intimate with each other. From that month on he arranged flights for me to come to see him almost every month. He took care of me , my travel and hotel. He set up different events like plays and concerts for us to attend. Somewhere in all of this I was wondering when is he going to ask me to marry him. I expressed that I was not interested in dating him all my life. I would never bring up marriage but I really wanted him to let me go if his intentions were not to marry me. I would never bring marriage up just that we should figure out what is best for us or allow me to find what is best for me. He always stated that he wants us to be together but the finances of his station is owning him at the time and if I could be patient. This issue has always be a thorn in our relationship. I want to be with him daily and I was just tired of the travel even though he was taking care of it. After a while I noticed that his text messages were getting shorter and shorter but he would still send for me to be with him. He said he feared that because of this issue he knew or felt that he would loose me someday. That I am not patient enough to with stand the distance issue. He would always talk about how much he loved me and I him.

This is where things blow up. My visit to him a few weeks ago to Dallas this time was wonderful the first day. In the morning he showed me pictures of his son on the cheerleading squad. At that moment a call came through and he quickly covered the name. I became suspicious but played it cool. I heard him mention he got nervously busy trying to play it off. I kept calm and just enjoyed the rest of my visit. The last day before leaving while he was in the shower, I curiosity got the better of me. I have never done this before but I had to know. I went into his phone and saw the text message that said BABY, I WAITED FOR YOUR CALL’…The women was beautiful and trim. I am the same build so I know he was attracted to her. He likes women who are petite and take care of themselves. I asked him about it and He said haven’t I had men approach me and it is nothing more than friends. I said yes but i don’t entertain them and they don’t call me baby. Apparentely there is a relationship going on here. I expressed in a calm voice that i will not becoming back. I was hurt. He took me to the airport and chose to stay with me until my flight left watching me until I got in the flight. When I landed he stated that He could never forgive me for violating his privacy, this is something he would never do to me, take care. I wish you the best. I wish him the same. I started NC the next day before I even heard of your program. I have been in NC 6 days before I bought your program. Where did I go wrong , should I give up and is there any hope? I love him so much but will not tolerate this. I want him to get to a point that he misses me so much he will ask me to marry him without any prompting from me. Its got to be his idea about marriage. I am now in day 8 of NC and he hasn’t even tried to call or text not that I would answer but at least for my ego I wish I knew but there is not attempt. I feel like its over. Any advise would be great Chris. PLEASE RESPOND I FEEL SO SAD!!!!

PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR COMMITS ON MY SITUATION ……I AM REALLY FEELING DOWN NOW!!!!!

Court

September 30, 2015 at 5:17 am

Hi Chris, I am begging for you to answer.

My ex boyfriend gets angry if I do NC. I have done some wrong to him so he says “do you really think ignoring me will get me back?” And just negative stuff like that. He also says he wants to be with me one day but for now he is willing to see other people. I would so much rather do NC, but he gets infuriated. Could you please give me input? I will 100% listen to what you have to say. Thanks so much.

Chris Seiter

October 1, 2015 at 5:56 pm

I would still do it.

He is upset he is losing control and it’s his way of acting out.

Black

September 29, 2015 at 1:40 am

so I have been going out with this guy for a few months and he broke up with me and then he got back with me and broke up with me again, his last message said “you are beautiful and all but not worth it”. I was just looking for some insight if anyone could tell me if the NC rule will work for this person or should I just move on and start going out again?
Sali

September 24, 2015 at 4:05 pm

I think my bf is a stubborn guy and we are now in a 4weeks NC periode ……but now he sent me a dedication msg for a religious ceremony on fb and i didnt reply…….so wt to do now?!………. Im so confused please help me
hunkydory

September 24, 2015 at 5:29 am

I failed all over the place. During the relationship, I was slow to open up and by the time I appreciated and recipricated feelings, he had been feeling one-sided in affections. I was unintentionally selfish (commuting to a school almost an hour away on top of work) so I barely gave any thoughts to him as he put my needs above his and made it seem as though that’s what made him happy. I made a few rookie mistakes in jealousy when his attention was given to others and started stupid fights wanting to talk things out when I should have just let him cool off first. I started feeling insecure, as he was never one to show his emotions, and I couldn’t read his mind to know he still loved me, because he wasn’t showing those signs of affection as much or communicating them. He grew tired of the insecurity and ended things when I approached him unintentionally passive-aggressively wanting to know if he wanted me around, and he got mad and said if he didn’t want me there, I wouldn’t be. He was tired of me second-guessing his love toward me despite pulling away, so he was done.

Unfortunately, he wanted to remain in contact as ‘friends’, taking some space from the relationship, so I never entered the NC phase. Things became awkward and throughout our time apart, he talked himself out of wanting any re-visitation of the relationship … I called him out on his changeable feelings and decisions about what he wanted … One drunken display, I threw myself at him wanting to reclaim the spark, saying things I didn’t mean when he resisted my advances … and now wants absolutely nothing to do with me. He claims no romantic feelings or want of me in his life at all. Is NC at this point too little too late, or can it possibly have a positive outcome? I’ve tried to walk away and move on, but still I can’t give up on him … on the potential future we once spoke of … and I see him as the father of my future kids and the partner in crime to explore and live life to the fullest with.

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