The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule- What Is He Thinking?

4,280 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

Anusha

June 26, 2016 at 4:52 pm

Hi,
We dated for three years. He broke up with me because of commitment issues. He said he couldn’t commit because his family would never accept intercaste marriage. He wanted to be in touch with me for two months and then gradually we would stop talking. It was disturbing so I stopped talking. Like completely. It’s been more than a month. Initially he was talking to my friends and asking about me. But now even he stopped contacting me. What should I do? Should I call? But I don’t want to contact him first? I don’t know if he would contact. Or if he would be giving commitment? It’s confusing. What should be my step?

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 28, 2016 at 12:46 pm

HI Anusha,

start active no contact. how old are you both?

Zeroxth

June 26, 2016 at 3:07 pm

Hi,

I’ve been doing the NC since last 15/6. So thats mean more than a week. but on 26/6 . I just got a text from EX, she asking about the hair saloon, like which email did I use to book, and whether I remember the person that did the hair. So, i’m kinda in dilemma, whether should I just reply her or not. Your help is much appreciate.

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 28, 2016 at 12:44 pm

HI Zeroxth,

nope don’t reply.

JILL A

June 24, 2016 at 10:36 pm

Hi, so my boyfriend and I of two years were really serious. We loved each other so much, but then out of nowhere he kind of exploded because he wasn’t telling me something. Turns out he was thinking of our future together, then wanted space. So we went on a break where we were still together just not a whole bunch of talking. There was a whole lot of miscommunication and he was stubborn, so we never really set down any boundaries so every time he would talk to me it seemed ok but when I talked to him I was making him mad because I wasn’t “respecting his space.” A week ago, we decided to meet up to see how things were, everything was PERFECT with him. We were in each other’s arms and so happy and we missed each other. The next day, I wanted to eat lunch with him (we previously planned on seeing a movie), but he refused to spend the whole day with me. I got upset, lashed out, and then he got frustrated and just ended it with me via text because he thought that if we talked it out in person, we would talk each other out of it. I have this strong faith/high hope that he’s going to come back, but I don’t know. We were so good together. 🙁 Ever since he broke up with me, I haven’t contacted him since at all. I promise! It’s been a week, and I have no clue what’s going on. All i’ve been doing is trying to heal.
Jessy

June 23, 2016 at 12:43 pm

Hello, I have a similar situation with my best guy friend. We have already stopped talking once, and that was over a year ago but then we started talking again and our relationship improved and everything was just fine until he once told me we chatted a lot. I was fine with texting less but he never changed his habit and texted a lot. He was like really chasing after me, cooking, bringing me to his house, even though he had never introduced any girl to his parents; he would wait me after school, go out with me (though he’s very shy, introverted, never had a relationship and a girl best friend) and everyone thought we were together but we never talked about that. We called each other bro and sis. Recently, we started being more intimate, like cuddle (back, legs, neck, hair, hold hands, lie on the chest and legs and so on) and kiss (except on the mouth) and he said he was jealous when I asked him if he really was jealous. He would often wait for me when I go somewhere and escort me to home because he was”afraid” someone could hurt me and he begged me not to go outside alone in the evening (that was really controlling). We also called one another husband and wife. He later said he wasn’t and he was joking about jealousy and husband and wife thing (that’s ambivalent in my opinion) and that we are only like a bro and sis so I decided not to cuddle anymore and he was surprised with that decision. But then there was a deal to go with one younger girl to a theater performance and he told me he would pay for her and him which really insulted me as I thought it was because I decided to not cuddle with kiss with him and felt really betrayed, disappointed and left out, and he begged me to forgive and didn’t go to the theater with that girl. And we didn’t talk for a few days after that begging until I reached out to him to wish him good luck for the exam and to see why didn’t write for those few days. He thought I was angry and that’s all, it’s like he thought it’s enough just to apologise and then not to write. He said he didn’t think for me to be left out and apologised if I thought he used me for cuddling thing, said he was only joking about marriage thing but for the cuddling thing because he thought that was ok for a bro and sis (how come?!) so I asked if he really cared about our friendship and he said no and that he didn’t want to be friends with me anymore and that it was all a lie, even though I was a real friend with him. Why? because of the first fight over a year ago when we hadn’t talked for a few months. He said he wanted to, like, “fix” that by being friends with me all this time but it was fake all this time, which really hurt me. Was I really that delusional? I never made him do anything by force, he was always with me, texting first a lot, showing jealousy (once I was with him in a restaurant when we heard someone’s whistle and he immediately got serious and stood up to see who it was because he thought that person whistled after me). After that I told him some bad things (only the truth about what kind of person he is) and we not don’t talk. What was really going on in our friendship and should I imply NC rule?

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 27, 2016 at 3:52 pm

Hi Jessy,

you should check this article:
EBR 012: How To Get Out Of The “Friend Zone” With Your Ex Boyfriend
I know you’re not together but you cab still use the advises there

grace

June 22, 2016 at 6:58 am

hi, my boyfriend and i have been on and off for about two years. we broke up about 1.5 months ago and recently met up as friends, but during the meetup when things were going pretty well, i messed up and made him really mad again, and he said he doesn’t wanna see or talk to me ever again. i tried convincing him to take some time off and cool down before contacting again.. i don’t know what should i do now??

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 22, 2016 at 10:35 am

HI Grace,

instead of convincing him, just do it.. DO active nc.

Lisa

June 20, 2016 at 6:46 pm

Hi,
I’m not sure what to do. It is day 17 in Nc and he hasn’t tried to contact me. I deleted him of fb about 2 weeks after the breakup but day 3 of nc. But kept him on all other social media. fb was the main form in which we contacted each other and I was too tempted to ask him questions because he broke up with me kind of out of the blue. At first he said he needed to work on himself and that he lost feelings for me. He didn’t love me anymore but cared about me. After some pushing he told me he had feelings for someone else. It has been a month or so since we broke up. We dated for 4 years. We talked about marriage and I thought I was going to marry him. I don’t know how long to continue the nc period and if I should readd him on fb. Need advice please.

Lisa

June 25, 2016 at 3:00 am

Thank you for the reply. Yes I am starting to improve myself. Last time we spoke he said he wanted space.
EBR Team Member: Amor

June 22, 2016 at 5:47 am

Hi Lisa,

so, it’s actually a gigs case? have you started to improve yourself?

annie

June 17, 2016 at 2:38 am

Hii I m annie … I nd my bf r dating from Las 2and 1/2 year he decided that we should get appart becoz we different religions nd we both have to get apart one day so it will be more difficult in future so its better we should apart right now….. So is what should I do is there any chance of him to come back

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 18, 2016 at 3:00 pm

Hi Annie,

are you open to converting to his religion?

Anon

June 16, 2016 at 10:50 am

Hi, my ex contacted me on day 20 of no contact saying “I miss u”. I ignored, have been in strict no contact since day 1. Will he try to reach out to me again?

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 18, 2016 at 11:47 am

Hi Anin,

more likely yes but even if he doesn’t that’s a good sign that he missed you

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 15, 2016 at 10:08 am

you should extend your nc..especially that your sides with your hater
Jenny

June 13, 2016 at 8:10 am

I am not sure whether NC is suitable for my situation or if I should even be seeking to get my ex back.

I have been in a relationship with my ex for 3 and a half years, we had a wonderful first year but then his father died, he took voluntary redundancy to look after his mum in a town over 4 hours away. Eventually he returned but he then found a job in another city and once again our meetings became snatched weekends etc. He claims to love me and considers us as committed as a married couple (we are both in our 50’s and have come out of long term relationships with emotional baggage).

Anyway recently he has been very unkind to me about my appearance, mainly my weight, and after one comment too many I decided to end things. Deep down what I wanted to do was give him a chance to miss and appreciate me and realise the way he treats me is not acceptable. Would NC work for this situation, I just want the man I fell in love with back.

My grown up children are worried as they think he was emotionally abusive towards me, he admitted he likes to be in control and that he is jealous of my relationship with my children. He has old fashioned values and said to me “why cant you give up your job and move to look after me” I need ‘all’ my family around me and whilst I love him, he should accept I love my children and mother as well.

Is this sort of situation one, that NC would work?

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 17, 2016 at 12:32 pm

Hi Jenny,

if that’s really his beliefs, I think nc wouldn’t work because he would still expect you to be a stay at hom wife afte that.. the only chance you got is to stay firm that you wouldn’t do it and that you choose to have a balanced relationship with him and your children and then observe how he reacts, if he is willing to compromise or not

Wondering if there is hope

June 8, 2016 at 5:57 pm

This is the 3rd time that my boyfriend has broken up with me. The first 2 times were only after about a moth and we got back together right away each time. I did the no contact rule and we started dating again and we were dating for about 8 months. We had talked about moving in together once we hit the year mark and everything was going well. Then we had a minor argument a few days ago and he broke up with me again. He claims that he still wants to be friends and has not blocked me on any social media. If I do the no contact rule again will it work? Or is it too late? I know that he is worth it but, I have accepted that we may not get back together.

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 15, 2016 at 9:29 am

Hi,

we don’t guarantee 100% that it will but it will help you to think and increase the chance

Anna

June 4, 2016 at 2:46 pm

Me and my ex had been dating a year and a half before we broke up its only been 4 days since the break up.. We were best friends hanging out every single day head over heels in love and then for the last month he was just distant from me I broke up with him because of him messaging other girls I don’t accept that to be okay in a relationship… It’s been hard on me he is the love of my life and I know he loves me too we’re both 20 he’s about to turn 21 and we both agreed that we wish we would’ve met 5 years from now… I know he’s young and wants to experience the world and everything and as do I but never thought about losing him in the process of it… I’ve been ignoring him for the last 3 days he’s called twice and texted once asking if i was doing okay. It’s taking everything in me right now to not call him… This is our first breakup for a year and a half we haven’t been on and off ever, I sadly have to see him in two weeks he works at the dental place I have my ortho in and so that means every 4 weeks i get to see him if I like it or not….. Do you think I should still do the no contact rule since he’s the one who needed space not me? I don’t know how to go about this and any advice will help.. Do I contact back after the 30 days? Do you think there’s any hope in this relationship or what I can do to give him his space but still miss me at the same time

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 12, 2016 at 11:15 am

Hi Anna,

Ok, be sure to start improving yourself and then just be civil when go to work. Be nice if he approaches you but don’t be too engaging. just answer shortly direct and if you can excuse yourself, do so. And yes, you can initiate contact after nc but continue what you started during to improve yourself.

Saini

June 4, 2016 at 3:03 am

Me and my boyfriend stayed in relationship for 7 years. Eventually we broke up on Tuesday. We didn’t talk/ meet since that day and today is Saturday already. Can you give me some advice on how to get him back or anything which you can suggest?

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 13, 2016 at 11:00 am

Hi Saini,
why did you break up?

hurting

June 3, 2016 at 8:16 pm

My bf broke up with me about a month ago. I wanted to just spend a little extra time with him during the work week like maybe 2 nights a week (he lives about 45 min away from me). We mostly saw each other on weekends and just wanted to try to spend a little more time with him and even drive there to see him. He basically told me no. He is a cop…of which I get that he job is super important and gets busy. He told me he is super busy with work right now and any spare moment he has he is going to be working out and doing crossfit. Just hurts me a lot. We seemed to have a great connection right off the bat. I have tried to do no contact and at times I have reached 2 weeks of no contact with him but seem to reach out again. When I did do 2 weeks…He never initiated at all. He broke up with me via text and my head is just reeling. I just don’t understand how someone can break up over text. I feel I have no closure and makes me feel like I did something wrong. I miss him so much and am trying to do no contact again. He told me numerous times when were dating he was a selfish person. Can a stubborn selfish person come back? But then again I know I need to think if I want to be with someone who doesn’t seem to have empathy and is self-proclaimed selfish.

Hurting

June 12, 2016 at 3:43 pm

I restarted no contact and this will be my 9th day.
EBR Team Member: Amor

June 12, 2016 at 11:47 am

Hi hurting,

are you still in nc now?

Manny

June 3, 2016 at 5:53 pm

Hi I currently broke up with my boyfriend of a year and a half because he was messaging other girls and I thought that’s cheating in my book… I’m currently ignoring him as of right now it’s day 2 of NC but he has texted me asking how I’m doing and has called me three times … I’m still ignoring me even though it’s killing me, I wanted to ask should I keep ignoring him? And then after the 30 days if there is still contact reply or?

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 12, 2016 at 11:15 am

Hi Anna,

Ok, be sure to start improving yourself and then just be civil when go to work. Be nice if he approaches you but don’t be too engaging. just answer shortly direct and if you can excuse yourself, do so. And yes, you can initiate contact after nc but continue what you started during to improve yourself.

J

June 2, 2016 at 5:30 pm

Hi I posted a few days ago but comment wasn’t posted.. Anyway quick question. I’m on day 9 no contract, he finished things with the excuse he didn’t know what he wanted or where he wanted to be. The last text between us were about his belongings and very civil I wished him luck in finding happiness and he replied thank you and sorry for everything. I didn’t reply. Do you think he hasn’t been intouch because he’s serious about not being with me? I’m thinking more like 6 weeks NC rather then 4.

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 12, 2016 at 8:07 am

HI j,

I couldn’t find your first comment. I don’t know if accidentally deleted it in the pending comments or accidentally deleted it in spammed ones.. anyways, you’re just 9 days in, it’s a bit early to say it like that.. What’s more important is for you to focus in improving yourself. if at at the end of 30 days you still feel you need to extend, that’s ok.

Komal

June 2, 2016 at 2:14 pm

Hi ! I broke up with my bf 2 and half months ago.He dumped me.He said he never wanted to talk to me or see me ever again.Post breakup , i begged him for reconciliation for like one month and then i decided to go on no contact.I blocked him on whatsapp amd facebook.Now one and half month has passed after i started NC.I got follow request from him on instagram and he even liked one of my picture.But i didnt get any call or message from him.I am bit confused as to why is he not calling or texting me and what is going on in his mind now.

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 12, 2016 at 5:01 am

Hi Komal,

maybe because he doesn’t really know how to approach you and as a first step he followed you first to test the waters.

Anon

June 2, 2016 at 10:56 am

Just a quick question, when do the majority of exes reach out? It’s been 10 days for me and I went no contact right away. I think he may fall under the angry category but I’m not sure because he dosent hold a grudge long. We were together almost 4 years

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 12, 2016 at 5:16 am

Hi Anon,

it depends on what kind of breakup, why you broke up, how long the relationship you had. Some reach out during the first week, some in the middle, some don’t.. so it really depends.

Khush

June 2, 2016 at 3:40 am

Wow okay now that I know this how should I go about it after the NC rule?

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 12, 2016 at 4:33 am

Hi Khush,

go about what specifically?

sarah

June 1, 2016 at 10:45 pm

my ex wanted to be friends and we were for a few months but then he was treating me a way I did not wanted to be treated. Always texting others when we hang out, giving me one word text and never trying to hangout. Should I do the NC rule for a month so he respects me more or wants to spend time with me? He reached out to me on snapchat and a text but I am doing the no NC and its been a week. Also I confronted him about how he wasn’t respecting me and told me he’s going to work on treating me more respectfully before the NC.

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 12, 2016 at 3:35 am

Hi Sarah,

sorry for the late reply.. I have to know your current situation first before I can give an advice… so how are you now?

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4,280 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”