By Chris Seiter

Published on May 24th, 2023

Today we’re going to talk about the universal truths of going through your very first breakup (that no one really ever talks about)

Specifically these seven things,

  • How Long It’ll Take to Win Them Back
  • How Long It’ll Take to Heal
  • Going on the Rebounds Statistically Works
  • Your Ex is an Avoidant, and You Are an Anxious Attachment Style
  • Friends and Family Aren’t Always Supportive
  • No Matter What: The Best Single Approach is ‘To Let Your Ex Go.’
  • No Contact is Helpful: Only If You Do It Right

So, if you’re in the throes of your first breakup, this is for you!

Let’s go.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Truth #1: Here’s How Long It’ll Take to Win Them Back

The burning question of ‘How long will it take to win back your ex?’ probably popped into your mind when you were attempting to move on but concluded that you still love them.

Fortunately, we have done a lot of research on this topic and compiled it all on our success story page.

You’re missing out if you haven’t checked our success story page yet!

Believe me; it’s a treasure trove of stories from people who have successfully gotten back together with their exes.

And that’s the thing that is lacking online right now. We rarely hear directly from the source, from the people who actually got their exes back.

According to our research, on average, it takes around 5.2 months for these success stories to win their ex back.

While there is no magic clock ticking down to success, understanding the unique dynamics of your breakup, allowing time for personal healing, and taking small, deliberate steps toward reconnection can enhance your chances of rekindling the flame.

Therefore, winning back an ex requires time, effort, and a genuine desire for growth.

Truth #2: Here’s How Long It’ll Take to Heal

Okay, we’ve figured out how long the average success story takes.

Still, we haven’t answered the biggest question, how long it’ll take you personally to heal.

The truth is, there’s no one-size-fits-all answer to this question. However, many studies attempt to shed light on this topic.

For example, The Journal of Positive Psychology boldly claims it will only take three months to bounce back. In contrast, SWN Digital also argues for a lengthier recovery period of six months.

With so much contradicting information, knowing what to believe is complicated.

It’s enough to make your head spin!

So, I decided to consult with Chris Seiter, a relationship expert, who devised an intriguing formula estimating how long it would take to heal.

However, he quickly admitted that his answer was purely speculative, lacking scientific backing.

But, sometimes, a fresh hypothesis can shed new light on a subject.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Chris came up with the following formula to estimate the healing process:

  • X = How long you were together in months
  • Y = The average success story time frame (6 months)
  • Z = The standard post-breakup processing period (3 months)

Here’s the formula breakdown:

X divided by Y plus Z equals the best guess of how long it’ll take to heal.

Let’s see how it works. Suppose you were together with your ex for 24 months, and you plug the metrics into the formula:

  • X = 24 months
  • Y = 6 months
  • Z = 3 months

24/6 + 3 = 7 Months

Notably, seven months is how long it will take to heal where you are moving on.

But remember, this formula is not a one-size-fits-all solution. It doesn’t account for someone who spends their days hyper-obsessing about their ex or someone in a toxic relationship.

Therefore, take it with a massive grain of salt.

Truth #3: Going on the Rebound Statistically Works, But Our Clients Find It Miserable

Ah, the rebound relationship—a topic that stirs up countless debates among the broken-hearted.

Many believe entering a new romance right after a breakup only prolongs the agony. But hold on tight because we’re about to reveal some eye-opening truths that will challenge this common misconception.

Let’s start with the facts. Statistically speaking, rebound relationships have been shown to positively impact individuals recovering from a breakup.

According to Psychology Today, it’s common for rebound relationships to assist individuals in reducing their longing for their former partners.

When someone begins a new relationship, their ability to attract and connect with another desirable individual can boost their confidence in finding love again. As a result, individuals may rely less on their exes to satisfy their emotional requirements, which is crucial to moving on from past relationships.

And suppose the rebound relationship is with a rewarding, high-quality partner. In that case, that partner can gradually replace the ex.

And we have definitely seen this concept bear out in real-time at Ex-Boyfriend Recovery.

Look no further than Jamie’s success story,


She successfully made her ex want to come back by dating other men.

Sure, in theory, rebounding works—it’s backed by research, after all, and we’ve witnessed it firsthand. But here’s the catch: most clients find the entire process miserable.

And even that success story above with Jamie bore that out. Yes, she swore by dating other men, BUT she also talked about how miserable it was initially.

So, what gives? If rebounding is supposed to help us move on, why does it often feel so awful?

One possibility is that everyone copes with breakups differently, and for some people, there are better strategies than rebounding. It’s a classic case of “your mileage may vary.”

Another possibility is that people have different attachment styles that make moving on from their exes harder. (We’ll talk about that in just one moment.)

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Truth #4: If You Are Reading This, Your Ex is an Avoidant, and You are an Anxious Attachment Style (Most Likely)

If you are an avid reader of Ex Boyfriend Recovery, then you will have noticed Chris Seiter, our founder, often talks about how our clients tend to have anxious attachment styles,

Real poll proving that most of our clients have anxious attachment styles.

While our client’s exes tend to have avoidant attachment styles,

After digging deeper into the research for this article, I stumbled across this discussion that fascinatingly examined these two attachment styles among couples (yes, I’m nerdy like that).

It supports the idea that if you identify as anxious, you’re more likely to attract and be attracted to individuals with avoidant tendencies.

So yes, if the above poll graphics I’ve attached aren’t enough to convince you, then the odds of psychology will have to do.

Before that, let’s look at the four attachment styles divided into two categories, secure and insecure.

  1. Secure Attachment Styles
  2. Insecure Attachment Styles (Anxious, Avoidant, Fearful)

So, what does this mean?

Well, understanding these attachment styles can shed light on the underlying dynamics that influenced your relationship’s ups and downs.

Here’s a scenario.

You, the anxious attachment style, tend to crave intimacy, reassurance, and closeness. Your ex, on the other hand, falls into the avoidant category, valuing independence and personal space and often struggling with emotional vulnerability. These contrasting needs and desires can create a push-and-pull dynamic, with each of you unintentionally triggering the other’s insecurities. This makes it difficult for you to enter a secure relationship – leading to your first breakup.

It’s important to remember that this journey isn’t about magically transforming your ex’s attachment style or compromising your own needs. Instead, it’s about finding common ground, fostering open communication, and rebuilding the connection healthier and more securely.

Truth #5: Friends and Family Aren’t Always Supportive

Honestly, this section reveals the sad truth about going through a breakup.

We love our friends and family, but sometimes they don’t quite understand the roller coaster that our relationships can be.

It’s a strange phenomenon I’ve encountered in my years of experience, and let me tell you, it can make you scratch your head.

When discussing your ex, you can expect two distinct reactions from your loved ones, depending on your intentions.

  1. Unwavering support for you
  2. Unwavering hatred for your ex (though hatred might be too strong, can we settle for “dislike?”)

Take this quote from Chris Seiter,

“Over the years of my observation, I have come to realize that friends and family react differently depending on your intentions towards your ex-partner. If you aim to move on, they provide a high level of encouragement and assistance. Conversely, if your goal is to rekindle the relationship, their level of support may not be as strong.”

The truth is hard to swallow, especially when you feel vulnerable and want someone to lean on. That’s why it is essential to find a community (it doesn’t have to be ours) that you can turn to for support. Whether it’s a support group, online community, or even just a few close friends who understand what you’re going through, having a support system can make a difference.

But it’s about having the “right” support system. What you are seeking is empathy. Not someone to try to take control and solve your problems for you.

Truth #6: No matter What: The Single Best Approach to Your First Breakup Should Be ‘To Let Your Ex Go

Ah, this is a must to remember!

Regarding your first breakup, the best approach should always be to let your ex go. And yes, I’m talking to you, even if your heart is set on getting them back.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

You might think, “Wait, isn’t the goal to win them back?”

Quoting from Chris again,

Here’s the thing. We’ve found that the one common golden thread amongst many of our success stories was that they were each able to get to a place emotionally where they were willing to let their exes go, AND THAT’S WHEN THE EX CAME BACK!

It might sound counterintuitive, but holding onto someone too tightly only creates tension and resistance. It’s like trying to catch a butterfly in your hands – the more you squeeze, the more it wants to fly away. But when you finally open your palms and let it be, it might decide to return and land on your shoulder.

When you let your ex go, it doesn’t mean giving up on the possibility of reconciliation. On the contrary, it means giving yourself and your ex the space and freedom to grow individually. It means accepting that you can’t control their choices or actions, and that’s okay.

By focusing on your own emotional well-being and personal growth, you become a more attractive and compelling presence in your ex’s life. Suddenly, they see a transformed version of you – someone who is confident, independent, and capable of thriving- the Ungettable.

Trust me, and the various success stories, that’s when they start questioning their decision to let you go in the first place.

So, remember – no matter how much you want your ex back, the best thing for yourself (and for them) is to let them go.

Truth #7: No Contact Is Helpful, But Only If You Do It Right

The infamous no-contact rule has taken the breakup world by storm. It’s like the holy grail of breakup strategies; everyone seems to swear by it.

Well, we are no different, but there’s a catch: it only works its magic if you wield it wisely.

First things first, what is the no-contact rule?

The no-contact rule refers to a period where you cut off all conceivable communication with an ex after a breakup. The intent of this tactic should NOT be used to make your ex miss you but instead to rebuild your own life so that you outgrow your ex. By doing this, the no contact rule can have the added benefit of making an ex miss you.

Before diving into the nitty-gritty, let’s debunk a common misconception.

The no-contact rule isn’t some sorcery that will make your ex-crawl back to you, begging for another chance.

Think about it this way: when a beautiful flower is trapped in a tiny pot, it withers and struggles to reach its full potential. Similarly, when you cling to your ex, desperately hoping for reconciliation, you limit your growth and prevent yourself from discovering your true potential.

That’s where no contact steps in as a game-changer. It’s not playing hard to get or manipulating your ex’s emotions. It’s about reclaiming your independence, finding your inner strength, and nurturing your personal growth.

The real strength of no contact lies in its ability to help you evolve and flourish beyond your past relationship.

Of course, implementing the no-contact rule is easier said than done. It requires discipline, self-control, and a whole lot of determination.

Remember, this isn’t about revenge or proving a point to your ex. It’s about shifting the focus from them to you. It’s about taking charge of your happiness and realizing that you deserve nothing but the best.

So, focus on growing into a ‘beautiful flower’ to attract the bee, your ex.


In conclusion, navigating your first breakup can be a challenging and transformative experience. Here are the essential takeaways from the article:

  • Healing after a breakup varies for each individual, and there is no one-size-fits-all timeline.
  • Winning back an ex takes time, effort, and personal growth, and it may take an average of 5.2 months based on success stories.
  • Rebound relationships statistically help individuals move on, but they can be emotionally challenging.
  • Understanding attachment styles (anxious and avoidant) can shed light on relationship dynamics.
  • Support from friends and family may vary depending on your intentions, so finding a supportive community is crucial.
  • The best approach to a breakup is to let your ex go, allowing space for personal growth and becoming a more attractive presence.
  • The no-contact rule can be effective if implemented correctly, focusing on personal development rather than manipulating emotions.

Remember, going through a breakup is an opportunity for self-discovery, growth, and creating a better future for yourself. And getting him back more robustly and healthily will be just A BONUS for you!

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