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264 thoughts on “Should You Give Up On Your Ex Boyfriend? Let’s Explore!”

  1. HL

    August 23, 2016 at 2:52 pm

    Hello all,

    My boyfriend and I dated when we were young, long story short due to a misunderstanding we went our separate ways.
    We spoke on and off throughout the years and then last year we started dating again. During this year we had the most amazing experiences both of us agreeing it was something special we would spend our lives together, marriage, etc etc.
    We also went through some darker times; my boyfriend suffered from severe depression and I became somewhat responsible for his life. I was the one who could always talk him around, be there and help him and he would always turn to me when he needed it. He would be extremely nasty to me at times throughout when he was in this mindset and blame me for it all only to then apologise and say ignore everything he says he isn’t thinking straight etc.
    This went on for a while throughout the relationship, many ups and downs. The relationship did become quite volatile as we both ended up getting frustrated, he depended on me and that annoyed him, I felt a bit suffocated in some ways and I’d get impatient or snap at the smallest of things. We didn’t communicate this at all and now I realise we should have and taking a step back would have helped us a lot. He doesn’t have a job at the moment due to what he went through and tries to throw himself into new projects but soon loses interest. He puts up a convincing front and so if I didn’t know him I’d think he was fine but in the next breath he’s telling me how he really feels.

    Anyway we took a trip towards the end of July due to a family emergency,we decided we would love to move away to this place and had everything planned to work towards it. Then we came home, all was okay albeit slightly rocky at times we would get frustrated etc. He felt as though I was planning to move away without him and I wasn’t – the moves I was making was for us both. He was really insecure throughout the relationship and I think somehow they ended up transferring onto me and I felt the same worry too.
    Anyway, a couple of days before our anniversary I mentioned I didn’t like things he had been doing on social media, I wasn’t happy at all. He begged saying he would do absolutely anything but I didn’t want to talk as I was angry and upset.
    The next day on our anniversary, he met up with me and said he wanted a break/space. I said I’d agree to that as I think it would be beneficial as long as the intention is to remain together and get through it. He said he would have to delete me off everything – all social media, phone number everything as if he seen me he would want me. He said he wanted to prove that he could live his life without me as he is too dependent on me.
    So then I was gone my number was blocked everything was gone off social media he was single again. He started going out with friends ignoring anything I would do to contact him. I wrote him letters he would say thank you they are lovely: there is no me and you anymore we don’t work. He contacted his ex, he’s talking to so many girls openly flirting etc online. I know these actions are out of character for him but he’s convincing himself that this is all good and new and his new found freedom is just what he needed to make himself feel better.
    He’s being really cold towards me and isn’t interested in a thing I have to say. He ignored my birthday, I received bad news re a family member following the trip we took, he ignored me. He’s messaging people we know telling them he can’t speak to me, telling everyone we have split up and it seems as though he’s thriving off it.
    I’m struggling as I know deep down they aren’t his emotions but he’s being really reckless which is worrying. I want to give him time to sort himself out as I know he needs it, as do I. But to completely cut me off and act this way is just hurtful and worrying. I’ve made the mistake of putting everything into him out of worry and concern and left myself with nothing!
    I know the only advice to give right now is to give it time. I know he’s speaking to others to get this attention that he craves and the reassurance, and the fun element that we lost somehow during tough times and things became strained.
    Just needed a source to vent as I know there’s not much that can be said other than give it time and use the time to build myself up again.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 27, 2016 at 11:35 am

      Hi Hl,

      as you said you’re left with nothing while he’s rebuilding everything.. you’re not his mom.. so stop worrying.
      for all you know, he’s just enjoying himself right now..so do the same.. have fun being single too

  2. Coco Doll

    August 23, 2016 at 1:48 pm

    This is just the article i need. This really gives me realization to lots of things… Me and my ex broke up 2 weeks ago…i havent contacted him since the 9th, the day he dumped me…what gets me is, this wasint the first time, he dumped me lots of times like 3. He always said i need to change, im this and that…yes im not perfect. I am clingy, i didnt really give him space, i snapped and nagged …but than i changed. Things were going good, but it came clashing again, …every little thing i did, he would get so agitated, even when he was wrong! At one point i just stopped confronting him , knowing where it would lead. I believe he didnt want to argue, he hated when he did something wrong, its liked it killed him, and he always flipped the script. Im kinda relieved at this point, but i do miss him, i dont know what to do, my stuff still at his house, he said its fine if i leave it there until im ready, and i left the convo hanging.
    Oh yeah, before we broke up, he unfriend me on facebook. Idk what to do, move on or let go??

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 27, 2016 at 10:09 am

      Hi Cocodoll,

      how long were you together?

  3. Cara

    August 23, 2016 at 12:45 pm

    I feel like i have tried everything, of course i can always improve on being more of the ungetttable girl to re spark attraction and for me that means working out more and getting fitter. But, the reality is I am a single mom who works more than full time and has other priorities and can’t always devote extra time to working out.
    Aside from that, I am feeling at my wit’s end going on almost a year now of trying to get him back, doing the no contact rule, posting on social media when I’m out or looking good, and there were many times it seemed to work, i’d text after no contact and he would be friendly and receptive , but it wasn’t enough. Since it’s been so long, I dont’ know what to do anymore. I’ve tried dating others, but haven’t met anyone I liked better or enough to date. It’s tricky to tell if he’s over me cause he’s still friendly and replies. I think the root of my pain is that I have NO closure and it’s hard to move on from there.
    Any advise as to how to move on if one has no closure?

    1. Cara

      August 23, 2016 at 12:55 pm

      One thing I have that I forgot to mention that may “surprise” him is I have a big international trip coming up in a month and I will be posting about that. He has no clue and I’m hoping it will hopefully get him to miss me enough to contact me when we literally have thousands of miles between us. I have found that when a girl goes out of town it tends to make the ex feel like they’re losing control for some reason.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 27, 2016 at 9:16 am

      Hi Cara,

      one year is too long.. it’s more probably that you’re friendzoned.. if it’s just closure, talk to him about it and then move on.

      but if you want him back and have closure first then talk to him, move on and really move on first.. because any move you make after that talk will seem like you’re trying to get him back..so he has to see that you’ve really moved on before starting as friends again

  4. Matilda

    August 23, 2016 at 9:32 am

    Hi, a friend liked an old group pic which my ex and i were in on fb. my ex has now gone and untagged himself from every single picture of us. None were couple pics, they were group pics. I’m crying. It’s like hes erased every memory of me. He’s also blocked me on everything too. Ie i know he doesnt want me back. He must be trying to move on. We broke up during a heated argument but i’ve been chasing doing nc and i know i should give up. But something is telling me i shouldnt. I think maybe getting rid of the pics means he’s found a new girl because when we first dated he deleted all the pics of his ex gf so i wouldnt feel threatened. Surely that’s what he’s doing? Ive done every mistake in the rule book by begging and texting non stop.
    We did meet up a couple of times for dinner and parks 3 months ago (5 months after we broke up) i asked if we were together he said no. I cried and he cut me out. I’m scared ive lost him for good now as my friend found him on a dating app 2 months ago.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 27, 2016 at 8:28 am

      Hi Rachel,

      move on without fully moving’ on. Have your own life.. are you actively improving yourself?

  5. Katie

    August 21, 2016 at 7:37 pm

    My bf broke up with me about a month ago. I didn’t do no contact but did do limited contact for the first couple weeks. I had to go to his house after those first couple weeks to pick up things I had left there and things went really well between us. We talked and laughed and I asked him if we could try hanging out and get to know each other again and just see what happens and he said we could do that. He gave me about 4 or 5 hugs when I left that day one hug that lingered for a couple minutes and we held onto each other still after the hug. Since then we slowly started talking more and he was starting to initiate more contact. All just texting though. It’s confusing though because we still haven’t actually hung out because he always says he is busy. I’m not sure if it means he was just being nice when he said we could do that or if he really is just unsure about it still… Now two nights ago we texted each other when we were both drunk and told each other that we missed each other and talked a out lots of things. The next day I texted him again while sober just to see how it would go. He is on a fishing trip and had told me the night before he hadn’t caught anything. I just told him I hope the fishing was better for him and he responded with a really long text and a picture he had taken while on his trip and we talked for a while.
    Today I asked again if we could spend some time together but he has yet to answer me. Now I feel like I am waiting for the sorry I’m busy text…
    I feel like I am making progress but what worries me is that all we are doing is texting and I don’t want to get my hopes up for nothing.
    Should I keep trying or move on?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 22, 2016 at 8:58 am

      Hi katie,

      you are good at staying calm, it’s just that you’re too available.. it’s so obvious that you are trying to build rapport..it’s good to build rapport through meet ups, but it’s too early..he probably knows it’s to win his affections back.. and right now, being friends eases the feeling of you being gone..

      you’re still there minus the negatives of being in a relationship with..

      you can either tell him you’re not ready to be friends and then do no contact or be less available and really busy with your own life.. avoid initiating meet ups, reply short and sweet only

  6. Elaine

    August 20, 2016 at 4:31 pm

    Me and my ‘ex’ have a very complicated situation.

    We dated as teens and broke up (I left him for someone else)

    Then we reconnected and almost dated again but we went off to college.

    Again, we reconnected after college and spoke for about a year. He was in a different state, so we spoke on the phone mostly but saw each other a few times within that year. We would talk almost every day, sometimes for hours. I was the happiest I have been in a relationship, I felt like he is what I was missing all along.

    A month ago he told me we should just be acquaintes. He wants to concentrate on his career and said he felt like we were now taking different paths, and that I should expect that he will be distant.

    I did not beg him. I deleted him off of everything, mourned on my own and tried to move on. It was tough (hence how I found this website) but I decided to utilize the no contact rule. After the 25 days, he had some of my things and I knew he moved back home so I requested That he mail me my things. He wanted to meet instead, which I denied at first but then agreed since my plans ended up being canceled anyway. We just met up yesterday and he told me he felt relaxed. I felt happy. We talked easily for an hour and a half.

    Honestly we’ve been through so much. He’s been indecisive about me in the past. I don’t see him as someone who is always sure about me but I know I make him happy. I know I give him direction and encourage him/ believe in him more than anyone. He’s hurt me so much already.. But I’m tempted to talk to him again because of how close he is. And mostly because of how happy I am when we are good.

    Idk what to do. Logically it makes sense but my gut feeling is to not let him go so easily. Please help lol

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 21, 2016 at 2:48 pm

      Hi Elaine,

      looks like he wants to explore and meet new people in this new chapter of his life..
      I think you should read this one: The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends

  7. Sue

    August 20, 2016 at 10:28 am

    Hello, me again
    Things seemed to be going well with my ex – No contact rule for 30 days, texting each other, sending lots of texts backwards and forwards, then talking on the phone ( doing my bit to end the conversation first) finally we agreed to meet for coffee. I texted him to say, ‘don’t worry I’m not trying to jump right back into a relationship’ as it was suggested ( reactance theory, I believe)
    However he texted back -‘ I wasn’t worried, I know you wouldn’t be so stupid..’ So that has thrown me. Should I just forget he said that as a kneejerk reaction to my statement? I’m feeling like I’ve just lost a lot of ground. 🙁

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 21, 2016 at 12:53 pm

      brush that off sue.. just focus in rebuilding rapport and attraction. Maybe he just meant that you’re not rushing

  8. Anon

    August 19, 2016 at 9:11 pm

    The situation with my ex boyfriend is that, I tried no contact and he ended up the person contacting me each time, this been going on for about a month and a half. I then would restart and then today, he messaged me saying am I free to talk so I said yes. We ended up chatting for about an hour because we are attending a music festival together in a few days time with our group of friends and he claimed that was why he was calling me but we just ended up talking about random stuff. Although he called me, he was making jokes about our relationship, not horribly but saying stuff like ‘Hes glad he doesn’t have to deal with me drunk anymore’ but it was in a jokey way, not being horrible and a few other comments along the same lines, including a joke about how he could turn me down if I made an advance. Is this him making his feelings perfectly clear that he isn’t intersted?

    1. Anon

      August 21, 2016 at 11:20 am

      Even with the no contact? I haven’t been the one to initiate contact him at all? So is this a lost cause or what would you say I should do next?

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 21, 2016 at 4:31 pm

      yeah because it’s not enough to just stop talking.. it’s what you do during and after nc.. you have to improve yourself and continue doing so while rebuilding rapport..you have to be the ungettable girl to spark attraction

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 21, 2016 at 10:45 am

      Hi Anon,

      yeah, sometimes jokes are half meant. It looks like he still sees you are going to chase him

  9. Sarah

    August 19, 2016 at 6:42 pm

    Hi, I’ve been in touch with my ex for about 1.5 months now trying to build rapport after 2 years NC. I sense he’s just replying to be polite and is always trying to end the conversation before it even becomes a conversation. How do you know if he’s just being polite, or is he just being guarded? Should I go back to another NC? Thanks!

    1. Sarah

      August 21, 2016 at 7:17 pm

      Thanks for your reply Amor. I think I prematurely hinted the idea of meeting up in the future when I go back home (I’m currently travelling). Although I haven’t told him about my plans on going home, he pretty much immediately declined without actually saying the words no, and wished me a good trip – ending the conversation. I’ve used pretty much every text tactic the website has recommended but he just won’t take the bait and give me more than a one liner polite response… I’m out of ideas 🙁

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 22, 2016 at 8:49 am

      try a more natural topic.. like what

      waiting for my taxi and thinking what to eat for dinner.. what are you doing? hmm,i dont know if i should buy or cook, what you think?

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 21, 2016 at 10:36 am

      Hi Sarah,

      yeah, I think you should rest for at least 2 weeks but what’s more important is how you talk to him and how he sees you.

  10. Kristen

    August 19, 2016 at 5:33 pm

    I’ve been dating a guy only for a month. It grew into something more like a summer romance. He became cold at the end of our dating for no specific reason-he initiated to make me and call me his girlfriend, he used to say how crazy he is about me every day. Although I reciprocated to him, throughout the relationship I kept slight the distance between us, so he wont assume that I’m wholly his. Suddenly, his interest dissapeared and it made me feel horrible, so I thanked him for everything happened and said that your coldness wouldnt work with me. His response was like as he was alright with our break up.
    He never texted me after, nor called me. Should I wait for his message? Do you think it is even possible for him to want me to win me back? If not, then what his immediate coldness after the storm of feelings towards me meant?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 21, 2016 at 10:22 am

      Hi Kirsten,
      are you in ldr? how did you meet?

  11. Amy

    August 18, 2016 at 10:24 am

    My ex and I split about 2 months ago and he’s texted me a few times since wanting to get back together but then he always stops texting (he’s very hot and cold). Today I found out he will be going away to university (college in america) about 2 hours away from me. Should I give up? I really really love him and it hurts too much to just give up 🙁 Thanks

    1. Amy

      August 18, 2016 at 10:26 am

      He was texting me saying he misses me and stuff and wants to meet up but then didn’t reply to my texts and it’s been a month since we last spoke

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 19, 2016 at 3:47 pm

      if it’s been a month, then you can initiate.. just don’t go too fast.. Expect that he will be careful too because he’s going to move away.. but if you really want him back.. build rapport and if you get back together, then that’s when you’ll figure out how to make ldr work.

  12. jane

    August 17, 2016 at 11:38 pm

    my ex and i broke up about 3 months ago. since then, we have spent time together only once, with a group of our mutual friends. alcohol was a factor and we ended up sleeping together but after he told me he was sorry but it was just physical. we work in the same building so I see him often but we just have uncomfortable eye contact and have not spoken since that incident (it was about three weeks ago). i still really miss him but I dont know if I should tell him how im feeling or not, since he seems to want to treat me like i dont exist

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 19, 2016 at 9:52 am

      Hi Jane,

      why not try doing no contact rule?

  13. Ash

    August 17, 2016 at 6:19 pm

    Hi EBR team,

    My ex boyfriend broke up with me about 2 and a half months ago. It was a pretty bad one, I would name it the worst break up in history. Things were said & done in the heat of the moment which neither of us meant. My ex reached out to me about 3 weeks after the break up & said he wanted space and he didn’t want to have “someone there while he still has growing up to do”. Instead of giving him time & space I begged for him back & fell flat on my face because he denied getting back with me. He blocked me from his phone & all social networks, but not his email. I’m currently attempitng to do an active nc. I’m currently on day 7. Do you think that I still have a chance after begging him, or should I just give up? I have a feeling that he’s involved with other women, but I don’t think it’s anything serious. By the way, we’re both 23 years old.

    1. Ash

      August 21, 2016 at 7:26 pm

      Hi Amor,

      I’m going to stick to a strict nc for the next 34 days, as I am currently on day 11. The past 11 days felt like forever, I never thought I would be able to do this good. It’s definitely motivation for me to keep going. I refuse to give in until at least 45 days have passed. Hopefully when I initiate contact he responds to my message. My ex is extremely stubborn.

    2. Ash

      August 21, 2016 at 12:02 pm

      How many days of nc do you recommend? I’m nervous to initiate contact because I think that he’s not going to respond. He was really angry with me following the break up.

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 21, 2016 at 4:46 pm

      45 days.. if he sees you’ve moved on then it’s more likely that he will forgive the oast

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 19, 2016 at 8:29 am

      Hi Ash,

      take it as a last step. for now, just focus in yourself.. and then take nc as a restart.. start over again as friends when you initiate contact

  14. Cutting the strings

    August 16, 2016 at 11:13 pm

    Hi Amor,

    I have followed a lot of your advise and it has really helped me in the recovery process and even with getting on to friendly terms with my ex. I have tried getting back together for 6 months and he has friend zoned me. He has tried to be FwB but reading the posts by Chris and your comments I have been able to avoid getting into such a position. Currently we are still friends and he had made it clear that he is taking salsa classes to meet other girls some time back (then recently possibly because he saw my photos on social media with a new guy he swore that he was just taking salsa lessons to learn dancing and not meet girls… and when I confronted him about what he told me earlier he just laughed)

    As you had advised me to date other guys earlier, I tried that and rather unexpectedly (while getting a fruit juice at a stand one afternoon) I met a new guy who I started dating. He seems like a genuinely caring person so far and I feel happier when I go on dates with him and spend time with him than I do with my ex. My friends have all given him a stamp of approval (while they have always told me that my ex isn’t good for me and was using me even when we were together). So after all this I have decided to move on from my ex.

    However now the problem is I am having a hard time walking away. My ex messages me everyday. His texts are extremely superficial and nonsense like how sexy I am or some nonsense sexual innuendo or some random thing from his day. He still tries to have a FwB situation (but pretends like I am seducing him or says some nonsense like I drive him crazy and he can’t control himself every time he sees or thinks of me blah blah) which I keep refusing. Ofcourse he does not want to get back together. He even messaged me about some girl he apparently liked and she turned him down and how heart broken he is (to which I told him straight up I can’t help him with his girl problems). If I ignore his texts he starts freaking out. I have told him I cannot be his friend and he says he still sees me as his close friend and he is lonely without me as his best friend moved away. I am having a hard time genuinely being interested in this new guy if I constantly get texts and messages from my ex like I did when we were together. Also sometimes he stops by my places and we end up hugging or kissing and this throws me back from trying to move on. I also think I partly feel bad about cutting him off suddenly or being too harsh is because we used to be good friends before we started dating.

    So I have two questions: I just wanted to firstly ask if you think this is the right decision to walk away? Secondly, do you have any advise on how to make this final cut gently (so that I don’t feel guilty about it and start talking again) but firmly?

    Once again thanks a lot for all the help and support

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 18, 2016 at 2:28 pm

      Hi Cutting the strings,

      if you really want to move on from him, you have to talk to him less.. it’s so obvious that he only wants to sleep with you.. if you want him to treat you as a friend, dont flirt. thank him if he compliments you and if he makes sexual comments, either ignore it reply neutrally

  15. Amber

    August 16, 2016 at 2:54 pm

    My ex boyfriend broke up with me because he got a summer job at a summer camp. Overall, we would not have seen each other for 3 months and wifi access at his camp is limited so it was hard for us to talk. Plus he was really busy all the time and the environment with his coworkers was very sexual. He was afraid of cheating on me and making a mistake that would end our relationship on a really horrible note. I’m glad he broke up with me rather than cheat on me, but a part of me really wants him back when summer ends. At the same time, I don’t know whether or not that is a good idea because how can I forgive someone who felt that they might cheat on me? Should I give up?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 17, 2016 at 3:52 pm

      Hi Amber,

      give it a chance but dont rush it after summer..

  16. Candice

    August 16, 2016 at 2:48 pm

    I read almost all of Chris’s books and I was not sure if I should do No contact for 21 or 30 days since it was not a bad break-up but it was very sudden. So I did 25 days instead. I thought I did an interesting topic about how I heard his top three favorite artists on the radio back to back and it made me think of him. He loves music and sings all the time. But I got no response back. So I am waiting a week and will try again. I wonder what the percentage of people who do not get a response after no contact. Its kind of a letdown. We have been together 14 months. I am 31 and he is 39.

    1. Candice

      August 18, 2016 at 4:07 pm

      Hi Amor,
      The last thing I want him to think is that I am chasing him. It just a let down after 25 days of NC and he does not text me after I text him. I know the Texting Bible says to wait a week if you do not get a response after NC but maybe I should wait a little longer?

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 19, 2016 at 4:25 pm

      okay.. it’s ok if you want to wait longer

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 17, 2016 at 3:50 pm

      hi Candice,

      we actually dont have a specific number but yeah that happens. most of them didnt start to have their own life during nc.. so the ex thinks they’re chasing

  17. Alexis

    August 16, 2016 at 1:20 pm

    Hello. My ex and I broke up las February. I did NC and it worked really well. We were talking since then. Last April I took a plunge and asked him if he believes in second chances and if he sees us getting back together. He said he is not ready yet for any type of relatioship. We saw each other last May. We watched a movie and during that time he grabbed my hand and did not let go. He kissed me and I asked him what was that for. He answered that he doesn”5 have an exact word on what we really are. A couple of days later he confessed that his feelings for me are coming back. So technically we are dating and he starts saying I love you at me. I asked him if his feelings are sincere he said yes. We had a fight last week and I start venting at him. He said “I love you, but it’s not the right time.” He’s been awfully busy at work and he and his family are moving to another city next month so things are pretty hectic for me. We had another fight and he ignored me for two days. I asked him what’s wrong and he said he is confused. I got scared because he might lost his feelings at me again, the same reason he broke up with me. He said he and I need some time. He said he still wants us, he just needs to fix everything: His work, family, and himself. He said he needs time apart from me for a while. So I did..but I don’t know for how long. So my question is, is one month enough to give him time? I don’t want to.extend this any longer

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 17, 2016 at 3:44 pm

      Hi Alexis,

      try it. you’ve done so much..now, be less available so that he will learn to value you

  18. Madeline

    August 16, 2016 at 1:05 am

    Hi, I haven’t spoken to my ex for about four months. I’ve had no contact with him and I haven’t even been checking in on him. He was a real jerk and kinda cruel the last time we spoke, and ignored a couple of text messages I sent to him that he ignored. But it’s been months and I’ve been dating and doing my own thing but then today he sends me out of the blue a text message asking me for his stuff back (we went long distance the last two months of our relationship) and the only things I have of his are some sweatshirts, a sweater, and some sweatpants. He wrote it all flippantly and I didn’t respond to him, I in fact deleted his message. I miss him a lot, and a part of me still really loves him and has been waiting for this, but I don’t know if I can forgive, and I don’t know if this is him reaching out or just being a jerk? Much love.

    1. Madeline

      August 18, 2016 at 8:52 am

      Hi Amor, I didn’t write him back.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 19, 2016 at 3:38 pm

      oh, I meant the text that was ignored before.. for now, try to respond if he texts again. be civil. because that’s the only way you would know why he texts.

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 17, 2016 at 12:04 pm

      Hi Madeline,

      what was the text you sent? And I think you’re reading too much on just one message..

  19. Kay

    August 15, 2016 at 10:20 pm

    My boyfriend (46) and I (45) have known each other for 20 years. We’ve been friends and colleagues and always flirty. More than two years ago, after my divorce,I called him to get a drink, knowing he had been through a bad divorce 5 years earlier. We hung out for coffees& such for months as friends. I dated some and he was casually dating. Then fall 2014, we started dating. It was amazingly fun, we traveled and had a great time and we fell hard for each other. But, he has alot of trauma and emotional fear from his marriage and relied on his mother during that time. He also rarely took to doing what I wanted to do because it took him out of a comfort zone. 10 months ago I first broke up, stating his prioritizing his needs not mine, his mother not me and frankly, invalidating my feelings when I said something. He is kind,smart,established,witty and claims to love me and says I’m his best friend. Says I seriously underestimate his feelings for me. After several mini breakups where I did the scared running back thing. I got serious two months ago. Did no contact for two weeks, then again for three. We didn’t see each other for two months but did call and text after the time frames. Most recently we tried reconciling. It lasted 2 weeks. He saw his mother 3 times in that span, and had a couple of days of not calling(because of work, he says) I have done NO contact again since last week. He calls and texts each day wondering why I won’t talk to him. I am so angry at feeling so insignificant and taken for granted. I am angry that his mother can’t respect our relationship and he allows it. I’m angry that my feelings are dismissed. Is it time to put this dog down. He will never change, right?

    1. Kay

      August 18, 2016 at 3:18 pm

      Talk to him before 30 days? He texted the other day that he RSVP’d to a wedding for us next month. I texted back I couldn’t make it because I actually can’t., and have resumed the NC. He came by my house and texted again today that he wants to talk. I know though, that nothing in his mind has changed in the last 10 days. He will still say things like “don’t feel that way”, “you ARE a priority” and such. Doesn’t ever really see it from my perspective. We are both busy professionals, so I don’t expect to have his undivided attention. I’m a single mom as well. I do however, expect a level of effort put forth towards the relationship daily to maintain it. And when I get tossed aside for his mom regularly after we haven’t had time to see one another, it bothers me.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 19, 2016 at 4:19 pm

      yeah, I think you should talk to him first. See if he’s willing to make an effort after making everything clear. if he doesn’t show then start nc.

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 17, 2016 at 11:11 am

      Hi kay,

      I think you need to talk to him

  20. AM

    August 15, 2016 at 8:59 am

    Hi Chris,
    Me and my boyfriend were in a relationship for 6 years. He broke up with me without giving any strong reason. 6 months after break up he contacted me and said he wants to come back and told that the reason he left me was that he was scared about the fact that he couldn’t love me as much as I do. After a few days of thinking, I decided to give him a second chance. Now its almost been 2 months since we are back but his fear of me loving him more than he does has cropped up again. I told him I can tone down how much I express. To this he said no because then he would get angry that I don’t love him enough. He again wants time to think and says that he’s hurt for doing this to me again. I am really lost about what to do. He says he loves me. Also, there’s a chance of both of our parents not agreeing as they know everything about our relationship. He also says that he doesn’t want to make his parents sad. He says he wants to be with me but can’t because many other people might get hurt and says that not being with me also hurts him. In all this, I am so lost. I don’t know what to do. Please help. I really love him and don’t wanna lose him again.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 16, 2016 at 8:02 pm

      HI AM,

      that means you’re too available to him..You should do other things apart from texting, calling or being with him.. Try to do new things now. You have to have self growth and focus on that.. go out with friends too.

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