Today we’re going to talk about if you should block your ex during no contact. Now, when I say “block” I’m actually not going to limit it to just phones.

I’m going to include the following things,

1. Phones
2. Social Media

In my opinion, it would be a gigantic mistake to block your ex during no contact. What we’ve found through studying our clients that even during the no contact your ex is likely to be spying on you and if you can control the narrative, so to speak, you improve the odds of tapping into that nostalgia factor.

So today we’re going to talk about a few of the things that people don’t often mention when it comes to blocking your ex during no contact.

• Why Most Exes Spy On You During No Contact
• Why Blocking An Ex Is A Gigantic Mistake
• The One Time That Blocking Your Ex During No Contact Is A Good Idea
• The Nostalgia Factor And How It Plays In To This Equation

There’s a lot to talk about here.

Let’s begin!

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Expect Your Ex To Spy On You During No Contact

So, before I get into why I think blocking an ex during a no contact rule is a mistake let’s first look at some statistics.

In 2012 graduate student Veronika Lukacs wrote a thesis for Western University that turned out to be quite relevant for my audience.

She found that almost 90% of former romantic partners keep an eye on their exes after a breakup.

In other words, after a breakup facebook stalking is the norm.

Why is this important for our discussion today?

Well, most no contact periods are enacted sometime within 3 months of the breakup. By “blocking” an ex during a no contact you essentially take their freedom of “spying” on you away.

Which in turn removes their ability to have nostalgia based feelings because you are essentially making “getting over you” a bit easier.

Now, nothing is that cut and dry. Often reality is far more complicated but it’s best to look at the breakup game as a leverage game.

What do I mean by that?

Well, let’s first talk about why I think blocking your ex is such a drastic mistake.

Why I Believe Blocking An Ex During No Contact Is A Big Mistake

My end goal for everyone to come to this website is always the same.

I want people to get to a place emotionally where they outgrow their ex.

It’s the only compromise I’ve ever been able to find for,

1. The people who want to get their exes back
2. The people who want to get over their exes

No matter how you slice it if you outgrow your ex before talking to them you appear simultaneously more attractive to them and you have this internal confidence where  you recognize you don’t have to get your ex back.

In fact, many our success stories have learned this,

It’s all a game of leverage, right?

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But if that’s true then wouldn’t blocking an ex during no contact help you “outgrow them?”

After all, the facebook/instagram spying game can go both ways.

Well, more on that in a minute. For now let me explain what happens from a no contact perspective when you decide to block your ex.

Part of the reason that the no contact rule can be an effective “make your ex miss you” tactic is because of FOMO. That fear of missing out is a powerful thing. While you aren’t contacting your ex directly during a no contact rule you are doing some form of indirect contact.

It’s the same reason that we get upset when we see our exes happy with someone else or doing something we wish we could be a part of.

We’re missing out on that experience.

And therein lies the power of social media during no contact. It’s a way that you can indirectly creative “FOMO” within your ex.

Editors often argue that stories are better shown as opposed to told.

Telling your ex, “Hey, I’m over you and I don’t need you,” isn’t anywhere near as effective as showing them.

That’s the power of social media during no contact. It allows you to create a narrative. It allows you to show your ex what they are missing out on.

By blocking them on social media you remove that ability and actually can make the no contact rule less effective.

But we are just talking about social media here. What about phone calls or text messages?

While our research has consistently shown that most exes won’t reach out to you during no contact,

A little over 60% to be exact won’t be reaching out to you. However, that still leaves almost 40% that will reach out and one of the ways in which you can measure the effectiveness of a no contact rule is by simply paying attention to how often they are reaching out to you.

You rob yourself of this data by blocking your ex during after no contact but I suppose it’s a more philosophical question than anything else.

1. Some people like to know.
2. Some people don’t.

Personally I’ve always been one that wants to know. That’s not to say that you should always leave your ex unblocked. There is in fact one scenario in which I’d recommend blocking your ex everywhere.

The One Time That Blocking Your Ex During No Contact Is A Good Idea

One of my favorite quotes ever was muttered by a Japanese Samurai/Philosopher named Miyamoto Musashi,

One thousand days of lessons for discipline; ten thousands days of lessons for mastery.

The point here, is that if you want to master the self you need an extraordinary amount of dedication and discipline.

Most of our clients consider themselves to be anxious preoccupied,

From an attachment theory standpoint this means that they are terrified of being abandoned. In other words, any relationship outcome where they feel abandoned causes them to,

• Hyper analyze
• Think they are at fault
• Beg
• Plead
• Try to fix

We’ve all seen the movies of the crazy ex. Well, that’s most likely someone that had an anxious attachment style.

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These are people who allow emotion to cloud their discipline. These are people who consistently use every excuse in the book to break a no contact rule when they really shouldn’t break a no contact rule.

In these cases, where you consider yourself to be extremely anxious and low on discipline then it might be beneficial for you to block your ex temporarily (if you want to get them back) or permanently (if you don’t.)

Why am I including this stipulation?

Well, we know from experience that consistently breaking the no contact rule and starting it over from the beginning multiple times can lower its effectiveness,

By the fourth or fifth restart the no contact rule isn’t anywhere near as effective. So, if you feel like you don’t have the discipline to see it through without a mishap then blocking your ex temporarily during it might be the way to go.

Just know though that there are consequences to this. You essentially surrender your ability to communicate with them indirectly during it.

The Nostalgia Factor And Why It’s Important

This last section is really for those who want to use the no contact rule to get their exes back. Feel free to skip it if you are just trying to get over an ex.

While most of our clients are anxious most of their exes are avoidant,

This means that most avoidant exes are expected to complete some variation of this cycle,

Do you see that green portion in stages seven and eight.

This is known as the depression and nostalgia stage of the breakup.

According to Free To Attach,

Avoidants are free to long for an ex once that person is unavailable out of the relationship, and typically out of contact so they are untouched by actual engagement and their deactivation systems aren’t triggered, revealing their long-suppressed attachment and switching their operating attachment wound from the fear of engulfment to fear of abandonment.

So, assuming your ex is an avoidant, that nostalgia won’t really occur until they feel like you’ve moved on. Let’s say you wanted to speed that nostalgia feeling up.

Want to know what would be great at putting forth the signals that you have moved on from your ex?

Social media.

Of course, if you have them blocked on social media they won’t be able to see how you are moving on. Having them spy on you is great for making them want you.

Before you block them make sure you know what you are surrendering.