By Chris Seiter

Published on March 24th, 2023

Today we’re going to talk about the major reverse psychology tricks that you can employ to make a guy chase you.

What’s interesting about this topic is that upon researching it I found I was completely overwhelmed by the typical Google Pandemic of “list articles.”

24 reverse psychology tricks that work…

18 tips to use…

So, for those of you who don’t know I run a pretty successful coaching buisness helping people through breakups. I see, every day, first hand what works and what doesn’t work.

In my opinion there are only five reverse psychology “tricks” that work successfully to make a guy chase you,

  1. Creating Open Loops Via The Ziegarnik Effect
  2. Purposefully Friend Zoning The Person You Are With
  3. A Paradigm Shift Via The Re-Breakup Text
  4. Utilizing A No Contact Rule
  5. Projecting Your Ideal Self On Social Media (When You Aren’t Feeling So Ideal)

But it’s not enough to just to know the tricks. You also need to know when to USE the tricks. Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered.

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Trick #1: Creating Open Loops Via The Zeigarnik Effect

If you aren’t familiar with the Zeigarnik effect then you are in for a treat.

It was first posited by Bluma Ziegarnik who found,

That people remember interrupted or incomplete tasks better than completed ones.


It creates an open loop. An unanswered question that sticks in your guys brain that he can’t get rid of.

For most of my clients I tell them to employ the Zeigarnik effect to create interest for another conversation.

So, let’s imagine that you are talking to a guy, an ex, whatever on the phone.

Things are going well but you end up overstaying your welcome and won’t get off the phone for three hours.

As a result, the conversation quality takes a massive downturn. There’s no real incentive for them to want to have another conversation.

But let’s say that you decide to employ the ZE (zeigarnik effect) and end the conversation here,

At the peak of the conversation.

Instead of having your partner sit there and say,

“Ugh… this conversation is going on for too long”

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They’re going to have the opposite reaction,

“Wait, that’s it? I want more.”

Create an open loop by ending conversations prematurely.

When To Use The Zeigarnik Effect

  • If you are having trouble getting a guy to reach out to you first
  • If you find you are having trouble getting them to continue conversations after you already have one

Trick #2: Friend Zone The Person You Are With

This one I can’t claim credit for. I was actually on my bike listening to a podcast episode of Alex and Leila Harmozi when it came to me.

Basically the power couple (worth 100 million) was taking us back to their second date and they told a really interesting story,

Alex And Leila Harmozi are on their second date and Leila is wondering, “why isn’t he kissing me?”

“I was just surprised, it was our second date. The two of us are in the pool, we’re playing around, I’m in a bikini and he didn’t try to kiss me or anything. I was like, I don’t understand? Why is this guy not trying to kiss me? So I literally looked at him and said, “I just feel like… I feel like I kind of get friend vibes.”

Alex’s response was gold.

He threw his head back and chuckled,

“FRIEND? I’ll show you.”

This is classic reverse psychology at play and I think it worked out pretty well seeing as how they’re married now.

But I think it only worked because of the environment. It was romantic and physical. Leila is probably giving Alex all the signs that she’s interested. However, he wasn’t advancing the plot, so to speak.

That’s when she whipped out the “friend vibes” comment.

But the trick with this one is knowing WHEN to use it.

When To Use The Friend Zone Trick

  • You are looking to get your partner to advance the relationship in some way
  • You need to shift their view of you
  • You need to create a fear of loss

Trick #3: A Paradigm Shift Via The Re-Breakup Text

I’m going to pull from my breakup roots for this one.

This is kind of a play on the friend zone trick I mentioned above but it’s exclusive to breakups.

So, let’s say that you are trying to get your ex back but they are incredibly resistant. In fact, they are on to you.

Constantly reminding you with a text like this,

Hey, just to make sure you know, we are just friends. All we will ever be are friends.

In 90% of the cases we take on in our coaching practice we are often dealing with people who have been broken up with by their exes and of course, these individuals want nothing more than to get their exes back.

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Many times their exes are wise to that face.

Well, until we instruct them to shift the paradigm by doubling down on a re-breakup text.

Hey, Just so you know the two of us are just friends. I don’t think we work together as a couple. Didn’t want you thinking the wrong thing.

There are two tactics playing out here.

  1. That of mirroring. You are essentially repeating back what the ex said to you to shift the paradigm
  2. That of avoidant psychology. Avoidants are more likely to reach out to you and even miss you once they think you have moved on from them.

When To Use The Re-Breakup Text

  • When your ex keeps reminding you that you are “just friends”
  • When they are extremely avoidant

Trick #4: Utilizing A No Contact Rule

Even I’m rolling my eyes at this one.

Yes, the no contact rule is still one of the very best reverse psychology tricks to use to make someone miss you but not a lot of people get the timeframe right.

First things first, what is the no contact rule,

The no contact rule refers to a period of time where you cut off all conceivable communication with an ex after a breakup. The intent of this tactic should NOT be used to make your ex miss you but instead should be used to rebuild your own life so that you outgrow your ex. By doing this, the no contact rule can have the added benefit of making an ex miss you

There are three time frames that I typically recommend,

  1. The 21 day rule
  2. The 30 day rule
  3. The 45 day rule

Which one is best?

Well, I recently filmed a YouTube short discussing just that,

Basically the way I’ve been recommending NC time frames to my clients is by figuring out what their exes attachment style is and extrapolating from there.

  1. The 21 day rule – Ideal for anxious and fearful avoidant exes
  2. The 30 day rule – Ideal for secure exes
  3. The 45 day rule – Ideal for dismissive avoidant exes

When To Use The No Contact Rule

  1. If you are trying to get an ex back
  2. If you decide you need to reset after attraction building isn’t working

Trick #5: Projecting Your Ideal Self On Social Media (When You Aren’t Feeling So Ideal)

Yesterday I had the pleasure of interviewing a success story who just raved about social media.

What was her secret?

She posted things on social media that were different than she used to. She made a list of her “ideal self” and then went out and did those things,

  • Skydiving
  • Going out and having fun with friends
  • You get the idea

Basically she imagined her ideal self and even though she wasn’t feeling “ideal” she posted as if she was.

To the world she projected an image that she wanted seen.

And what’s interesting about that approach is she didn’t just draw her ex into her but other people as well.

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What occurred next is the social proof aspect that no one really talks about.

Have you ever been scrolling through YouTube and decided NOT to click on a video because it only had a couple hundred views?

Only to then click on a video that had hundreds of thousands of views?


It’s social proof.

Thousands of people are watching this one so there must be some merit to what is happening or being said in it.

But the truth is that video with a couple hundred views might answer your question better or do a better job of entertaining you. We are social creatures. All of us yearn for interaction.

Likewise we are all drawn to adoration.

So, here’s my general rule of thumb with social media.

The more attention you get from friends and family on it, the more your guy or ex is going to take notice and regret not being there.

When To Use Social Media

  • You should ALWAYS be doing it

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