By Chris Seiter

Published on September 5th, 2022

Today I’m going to show you the exact qualities that an ex will find irresistible.

And I want to start by introducing you to one of the books I’ve written (this isn’t a sales pitch, I promise)

In 2020 wrote a book, Ungettable, where I talked about the twelve qualities that make up someone who is irresistible (AKA; Ungettable.)

But not all qualities are created equal.

Today I’d like to take a look at the specific qualities that stand out. The ones I would focus on first.

And really there are four of them.

If you can master these four qualities you give yourself the best chance of having your ex find you irresistible.

  1. Confidence Quality
  2. Social Proof Quality
  3. Finding Something You Care About More Than Your Ex
  4. The Out Of Your League Quality

Let’s begin!

Quality #1: The Confidence Quality

We start first with arguably the most important quality and that’s confidence.

It’s no secret that breakups, in and of themselves, have a tendency to make us less confidence.

In fact, according to reputable studies,

40 percent of individuals will experience a clinical depression following a romantic relationship dissolution

Honestly I thought it would be higher. Nevertheless, perhaps the most interesting thing about this is the simple fact that most people who are going online searching for breakup help are part of that 40% number so all my coaching practice ends up seeing are the depressed individuals but I digress.

Reinstalling confidence within my clients is often my first job as a coach.

But how do you become more confident? It’s not exactly as easy as waking up one day and deciding to become more confident.

So, it’s best to think of confidence in terms of layers. Each one seamlessly synergizing with the other.

There are three layers,

  1. The surface layer
  2. The lifestyle layer
  3. The internal layer

But what goes into each of these layers?

The Surface Layer Explored

The surface layer is really all about perception. How you are perceived by other people. One of the other confidence qualities can actually be found within this layer but more on that in a second. Really this layer is going to include things like,

  • How you look
  • How you walk
  • How you talk
  • What you post on social media

Essentially anything external. Really in my opinion this is the least important layer to nail if you want confidence. In fact, it’s the last thing I would focus on.

The Lifestyle Layer Explored

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While the surface layer was mostly about how you look living your life. The lifestyle layer is about HOW you live your life.

  • Who are your friends?
  • Who are your family members?
  • What is your job?
  • What kind of hobbies do you have?

If you’ve ever heard me talk about the holy trinity or the magnum opus that really falls into this category but it’s still not the foundational layer that everything starts from.

That would be…

The Internal Layer Explored

This one is a tricky one to quantify as it’s more about chasing a feeling.

The best way I can describe it is that you have grown so confident with yourself that you feel as if nothing can harm you.

From the perspective of a breakup your logic goes like this,

“It hurts now but I’m going to be ok. How can I make this negative into a positive?”

Remember, a good life is not one immune to sadness but rather one where our suffering contributes to our development.

Quality #2: The Social Proof Quality

It goes without saying that popularity is overrated but it does provide a distinct advantage that those who are unpopular don’t have and that’s the power of social proof.

I was recently watching one of Mr. Beasts’ videos,

Where this concept was demonstrated perfectly.

It looks like he went to a college campus, created this gigantic circle and gave the following instructions,

Basically you stand in this circle for a certain amount of time and you get $100.

He then runs to his car and waits.

What unfolds is a perfect lesson in social proof. At first a dozen people walk by and think the circle thing is some type of prank or scam. Therefore, they don’t stand in the circle but all it takes is one person willing to test things out and then the rest follow.

By the end look how many people got inside the circle,

This is social proof at work.

Generally, something becomes more attractive the more attention it gets from other people.

So, the goal for you here should be to find a way to get other people talking about you (in a positive way.)

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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How do you do that?

Well, that’s where our next quality comes into play.

Quality #3: Finding Something You Care About More Than Your Ex

Most people I coach make themselves too available for their ex.

This is usually because most of the people I coach don’t have anything in their lives that they care about more than their exes.

It’s that whole pedestal effect concept I talk about in this video,

Basically they place their ex on a pedestal and can’t think about anything outside of that relationship.

I hate to break it to you but your ex isn’t going to find you irresistible until you find something you care about more than them. Until you focus on your life. And just like the confidence quality I was talking about being synergistic this becomes synergistic as well.

By finding something you care about more than your ex with you begin to garner attention outside of your ex which helps the social proof aspect.

What matters more than anything when choosing this thing is that you are passionate about it. So passionate that you would be ok living your life every day doing this one thing. If you don’t have that kind of passion for it then that means you need to keep looking.

Quality #4: The Out Of Your League Quality

A few years ago I watched this documentary on the science of attraction and there was one study that really stuck out to me.

A group of about 30 individuals, 15 men and 15 women were rounded up and given a number between one and ten.

The numbers were consistent with the attractiveness level of each person. I believe people outside the study rated them.

One being the least attractive


Ten being the most attractive

Scientists wanted to measure how much looks played into the “out of the league quality.” They wanted to see if people of similar levels of attraction would pair up given the choice.

So, once the participants of the study were given their number it was taped to their heads, so they themselves couldn’t see it. Like this;

They were also given a body suit to cover their entire body up, with the exception of the persons face.

There was no talking allowed.

Once the experiment began a time limit was given and the men would have to try to make a pairing with women based solely on their attractiveness level but really the women held all the power because they could nix the match if they wanted.

Men would simply have to go up to women with their hand extended to see if their “match” was accepted. If a woman took the hand the match was accepted. If they didn’t then it wasn’t and the man would have to find someone else.

By the end of the experiment something interesting happened.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Instinctually people paired up with “numbers” that were within one or two of their own.

That’s if all things are equal but we know in the dating world all things aren’t equal and looks alone don’t make up all of the attraction. It makes up some. Anyone who tells you it doesn’t is lying but I bring this study up because I think there are two important factors that need to occur for someone to feel like they are dating someone out of their league.

  1. They need to feel like the person they are with is better than they are (looks or personality wise)
  2. They need to feel like the person they are with is more accomplished than they are

Without those two criteria present I don’t think your ex can feel like you are out of their league.

How do you hit that criteria?


Hit on all the qualities I was talking about before 😉 .

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2 thoughts on “Qualities That Make You More Desirable To Your Ex”

  1. King

    September 7, 2022 at 3:58 am

    So, this ungettable quality, is it only for girls or is there something like th Ungettable Boy as well. Curious because you usually never mention something like the Ungettable guy.

    1. Coach Shaunna Nicol

      September 8, 2022 at 8:29 pm

      Hey Kind, yes we call this Ungettable Guy with the same mindset. Become the best version of yourself!