Legitimate Reasons You Should Get Back With Your Ex- Ex Boyfriend Recovery

407 thoughts on “Legitimate Reasons You Should Get Back Together With Your Ex Boyfriend”

Fenix

June 8, 2014 at 6:07 pm

This is a complicated situation, so please bear with me. Okay, here goes:

I’m not sure what to call him, but for sake of simplicity, I’ll call him the ex.
My ex and I were dating for about nine months. He introduced me to his family early on in the relationship; before we were actually a couple, as a matter of fact. We became official a couple months after seeing each other. Everything was great, it was going well. We have mostly the same values on family, friends, how we live our lives. Only real difference we had was religion (he’s Catholic, I’m… I guess agnostic.) Some time into our relationship, he and his family got into a car accident; everyone was injured, but alive. He and his mother are still recovering since then. He was in carpentry before that, but after the accident, he was advised not to do any of that heavy lifting. It was hard on him, because carpentry was his passion. He became depressed due to the pain he was in (2 spinal disks got rotated, and he had to go through intense physiotherapy), and the fact that he would no longer be able to do what he loves. I tried my best to support him, and was with him every step of the way. I think that because of this, he became very dependent on me. I guess with everything else going wrong in his life, he didn’t want to lose me, too. But I wasn’t going anywhere.
After a while, we started having arguments over little things. It’s normal for couples to do this right? The thing was, they were happening way too often, and over the most ridiculous things! (Note: this was/is my first relationship, so reflecting back, I acknowledge that I was also being very immature about how we resolved these conflicts. I had never argued with someone that much outside of my immediate family like that before…) And I wanted to abandon ship many times because of this. It just didn’t feel worth it to be constantly fighting and stressing each other out for no reason. A lot of the time, we didn’t even know what we were fighting about!
So…fast-forward, I started school. It was very stressful, because of the setup of the program; it was a 1-year program, so they really threw everything at you. We discussed our relationship before I started school (he was worried I might meet another guy at school, and leave him) and I assured him that even if we couldn’t see each other as much as usual, I wasn’t leaving him. I just had to concentrate on school. (I also had a whole bunch of my own family drama going on at the same time, which is related to this whole issue, but a separate topic. Needless to say, at this point in my life, I was under a lot of stress!) So, trying to balance school and our relationship, along with family and financial stress, was a big weight to bear. Through this time, our nonsensical arguments persisted, and I couldn’t take it anymore at the time. I told my ex I wanted to take a break from the relationship for a bit. I need to just stop, and focus on my own things for now.
It seems not only did he take that very hard, but totally misunderstood what I meant by that! He told his family that we had broken up. (At present, I know that at the time, he just needed support. He told me this recently, and apologized.) Main point is, in his family and friends’ view, we are broken u to this day.
Now, after all that…this is where it actually gets complicated: we are still seeing each other as normal!
We discussed the whole situation even from early on after the “breakup”…and he really doesn’t know how to tell his family. The whole situation is a disaster, and we don’t know how to deal with it. It’s now been almost two years that we’ve been together off the grid, and I’m starting to wonder if it’s worth it. I didn’t want to put pressure on him to tell his family; I acknowledge the fact that he’s not ready and want him to be comfortable telling them when he is. For the past couple years, our way of communicating has greatly evolved. We rarely ever argue anymore, and are usually very happy. The little things we used to argue about are still there, but we deal with them in a totally different (and better!) way, and they don’t phase us anymore. Everything is great…until it comes to the topic of his family. The problem here is that he doesn’t want to choose between me and his family. And I don’t want him to! We sometimes discuss our future together; children and such. But all that leads back to the family. It’s just one of those situations. We just recently had a disagreement over this. My view is that “you should be willing to do whatever it takes, even making your family unhappy for a short time, to build a future for yourself and your partner. If you’re happy and doing well, your family should acknowledge that and support your decision.” His view is “everything revolves around family, though. They’re the most important aspect of his life. He can’t make that kind of decision without considering their take on it.”
Basically, I’m understandably demonized as “the ex.” Okay, that’s normal. (My personal relationship with his parents is fine. The religion thing is a minor rough patch, but we get along okay. The only unhappiness they have with me is when it comes to their son and I not getting along from before.) They simply don’t feel like he and I are a good match, and therefore don’t support any chance of rekindling that relationship. This weighs heavily on the ex’s decision making. It’s a case where I am important to him, but not important enough to make a decision against what his family wants.

admin

June 8, 2014 at 8:30 pm

Fenix… is that really your name?

May I ask your ages?
Fenix

June 8, 2014 at 11:19 pm

No, it’s not really my name. I don’t want him to happen upon this because… Well, that would be awfully awkward. Sorry, but anonymity is preferred.

Currently he is 26, and I am 23.
admin

June 9, 2014 at 3:09 pm

I completely understand!

I want to make sure I got this right. He is using his parents as his reason for not being together with you?
Fenix

June 9, 2014 at 4:23 pm

I suppose, simply put, yes.

How do I explain this… You see, we’re Asian. And as such…there are just certain standards when it comes to relationships with family; more specifically, parents and parent in-laws. His parents are very…Chinese traditional types? And I see why it is important for them to be okay with me in order for him to be confident in the relationship.
I don’t think they like me that much after all that’s happened. While we were official from before, my ex and I argued a lot, as I mentioned. This didn’t exactly sit well with his parents. Which is why they don’t really support the idea of us trying to be together.

Apparently, (while we were official) he used to get into arguments with his parents about me. I don’t know all the details, but from what I gathered, they were telling him the same thing as now: that we’re not right for each other. It lead to a lot of him defending me, and general unease in their relationship with each other (between him and his parents.)

After breaking up, they were his support, of course. That’s what family’s for. And I wouldn’t be surprised if it took a pretty big relationship patch-up there. Their family is pretty tight-knit, so I can’t imagine it was an easy pill to swallow, for any of them, to have their family divided over me. (Honestly, I can say I feel guilty that I …for lack of a better way to put it, pretty much wrecked their homefront.) Which is also one of the reasons I didn’t want to put pressure on him to tell his parents about us still being together. It was already bad enough that I had tarnished their family relations, so how could I expect him to push it even more? I can see why he wouldn’t want to tell them; it’s kind of obvious he doesn’t want to ruin his relationship with his parents any further.

I don’t know what to do or even think about it.
On one hand, I don’t want to ruin their relationship. I also care about his parents’ feelings. It’s not like I want them to hate me. I want to have a harmonious family dynamic just as much as my ex does.
On the other hand, I do think that his parents should support him if it’s something that makes him happy. Even if they don’t really agree with his decision. He’s an adult, isn’t it his right to be with who he wants?

I don’t know. It’s such a predicament…either way we turn, someone’s getting hurt. But even for me, it’s like…family does come first. But isn’t your partner still like family in a way? Isn’t that the point of being in this kind of relationship? It’s an awful mess.
admin

June 10, 2014 at 3:37 pm

Well, your partner is like family but only if you are like about to get married… thats the way I look at it.

Just my personal views.
Fenix

June 19, 2014 at 5:17 pm

Yes, that’s completely understandable.
There was actually a point where it was being considered between us. Marriage, I mean.. But that’s a story for another time.
The main point was, what should I do in this situation? I don’t know if it’s even worth putting each other through anymore stress.
Usually, when I type out my stories like this, I gain some sort of perspective on my own predicaments. But even after throwing that huge wall up there, I still can’t figure out where to even start in this case.

You asked if he was “using his parents as his reason for not being together with me.” Why? Where was your train of thought leading to? I am curious.
C.M.

July 23, 2014 at 8:19 pm

Hi fenix. I am in similar boat. My ex and I are Asian. And I met his family before being official. Unfortunately, his decision to break up with me was heavily dependent on what his parents thought of me.

I am Asian myself so I understand what traditional families are like. Unfortunately when it comes down to relationships, we usually need to get approval from everyone in both families. It is very stressful for many of us to do. However I am a bit more rebellious so my parents have eventually come to accept whoever comes into my life (although in the beginning it wasn’t like that).

However it really comes down to the guy in your case. The family will eventually accept you guys if they love you enough and if you guys are exhibiting healthier behavior. However it can take years though, it will be tough but if you guys work together it will be good in the long term.
Fenix

June 8, 2014 at 6:08 pm

[…continued]

Time to breathe…hoo-sah~ Sorry for that!
SO! What do you think…? Should I wait it out and longer and try to find a way to make “us” work, or should we abort the mission and head our separate ways? He told me no one supports him as much as I do, and he really doesn’t want to lose me. He doesn’t know what he’d do without me. I feel the same way about him, because whenever either of us hits rock bottom in anything, we’re always there to pick each other up. I told him he’ll be okay; he said he won’t be. Last month, I didn’t contact him for a whole week (I told him I didn’t want to talk to anyone at the time; I had my own issues) and when I finally picked up the phone when he called, he was really worried about everything. He said it just didn’t feel right for me to just not be there, and was worrying the whole time if I was okay. He “felt abandoned.”
Really, is this relationship even worth keeping? What grounds do we have to even stand on? Is it just going on out of comfort and habit? Or is it better to just rip the band-aid off and permanently stop contacting each other? I really don’t know what to do in this situation. He’s my best friend and I don’t want to lose him from my life, but this just doesn’t seem healthy.

Melissa

May 22, 2014 at 5:55 am

I need help to a unique situation. I was left for a dog (a real dog, of the pit bull variety)…

My bf broke up with me 4 days ago; I have not contacted him at all, blocked him from fb, and unfriended all his friends…

We met almost a year ago, and became exclusive after 2 months. Everything was wonderful…until it was fb official and his ex found out. They’d been broken up 8 months but were still talking often, and “sharing” their dog (they live in different states and so it’s a long drive to see her/get the dog). Once she found out she begged him back, and after 2 days of them talking he left me.

I did NOT implement the NC rule that time! and eventually became his “confidant” as he whined to me when she changed her mind about wanting to be with him, and he chased her for 2 months while I became his shoulder to cry on. She was chasing the guy she’d cheated on and left him for initially, and didn’t really want a relationship with my bf. Eventually, he started dating a different girl and as his friend I slimmed down contact.

Last Jan we started talking again, slowly. And eventually got in a relationship AGAIN. But I insisted I would not get in a relationship with her in the picture still. I had to break up with him twice to force him to stop talking to her. But when he finally did he said he was happy he did and didn’t feel forced…blah,blah,blah.

I also could not deal with him sharing her dog. BC he’d drive to pick up the dog and hang out with her, even to the point of ditching plans with me in order to “be polite”. Also, the dog was a dangerous breed and had bitten 7 people already; and had to have a muzzle. But I know he missed seeing their dog but it was a dealbreaker for me, and he decided to not see the dog.

Things were going GREAT! we were closer than ever, no fights (only had fought about her previously) I mean we connected more than ever, talked about marriage even.

Then 5 days ago she contacts him again laying on the guilt trips about him “abandoning” their dog and how would he feel if their dog died and he hadn’t seen him… even saying she never thought he’d be “that guy” to put some girl above a dog, etc. You get the picture…

I notice after this he gets short with me, using harsh tones, slows down texting, and even spends 5 hours hanging out afterwork instead of meeting me for our plans. That night he breaks up with me…saying he’s not happy, he misses his dog, he’s generally happy but frustrated with “certain” things… that he loves me, etc.

I tell him to leave, so I can heal. He does very reluctantly.

Then he texts me from outside saying he doesn’t feel like he’s leaving me but just frustrated and wants me to ask him to come back. But I ignore that text and all subsequent texts.

The 4 days since, he’s texted me regularly, and I’ve ignored all of them.

My question is…should I tell him I’m not willing to be with him until the ex is completely out of his life? or cut my losses and throw away a “partially” wonderful relationship? I feel like we’d be great without the ex and their dog. But it’s still a dealbreaker for me. I’m not willing to deal with her and the (dangerous) dog. I feel humiliated when he chooses to spend 2 weeks with the dog and can’t see me b/c I refuse to be around the dog (or my daughter). And it puts him in touch with his ex on a regular basis, they share pics of the dog, texts, etc. It humiliates me.

Thank you
M

admin

May 22, 2014 at 4:07 pm

Let me ask you this. Why would you only want a “partially” happy relationship. Why not aim for a FULLY happy relationship?
Melissa

May 22, 2014 at 4:10 pm

I don’t. I want it all. I want a fully happy, normal, no-ex involved relationship. Maybe he’s not capable of that. I know he did his best, but sometimes a person’s best isn’t enough.
admin

May 23, 2014 at 4:17 pm

Well, look at it this way. Your time is way more valuable than his. So, if he is just going to waste it then don’t let him.

Agata

April 28, 2014 at 8:28 pm

Hello,

First of all, sorry for my english, that’s not my national language.

Me and my kind-of-ex-boyfriend are 21 and we both are our firsts. We’ve been together for 10 months and everything seemed fine. We come from the same town but we study in two different cities that are far away from each other and sometimes we can’t see each other for 2-3 months.
Because of this, from my point of view, once I became his girlfriend, after a while he stopped caring about anything that involves putting effort, even spenging time together. Most of the time we just talk on skype.
Last week we could finnaly meet each other after 2 months and he said he can’t, because he didn’t want to go out and we both had to study for exams.
I noticed he always finds an excuse not to meet and it seems to me that he would meet only if there was a possibility of making out and touching me. I told him all this, but he brushed it off and now i’m not answering his calls and messages and I see that he started truly freaking out, because he’s scared, that this means breaking up. Now I’m scared of hurting him.

Here’s the thing, I don’t know if he truly loves me, he never said, I know that he cares for me a lot, but I’m scared he’s putting up a facade to just calm me down and make thing go his way. I am very emotional and insecure, because my best and only friend left me 2 years ago saying I was pitiful and I was in a deep depression after that and stopped talking to people and trusting them, and he was the only person that managed to help me, he understood me perfectly and helped me change.
Now I don’t know If I should go back to him, I’m scared that I will always be alone if I leave him, but on the other hand we understand each other well and we were happy together through the past year.

I’m worried that he’s mistaking “like” with “love” and I can’t understand what he’s thinking.

admin

April 30, 2014 at 1:01 am

What do you mean your “kind of” ex boyfriend?
Agata

April 30, 2014 at 4:56 pm

I called him like that because I’m not sure how to deal with him.

I’m not sure if what he feels is real and until I figure it out I’m trying to separate from him. After reading a lot of articles from your page(they are truly amazing) I finally understood some of his behaviour and I know what else I can do to show him I care for him, but he is an egoistic, self-centered and very intelligent person that doesn’t like most of people around him because they are too stupid for him.
Anything that is a little romantic is also too stupid for him. He won’t even hold my hand anywhere outside and he won’t hug me, only if I do it myself or ask him, but he’s always the first to touch me where he shouldn’t. He is also a porn addict(watching it almost everyday) and that haven’t changed at all since we started dating. When I couldn’t “excite” his lower half he suggested watching it together and I felt horrible. And we didn’t go all the way yet, he’s not trying to force ma at all and he seems as scared and uncertain as I am about it.
Maybe it is like that because I am his first girlfriend and he doesn’t know how to act(me too).

From your point of view, does it seem like he is genuinely serious about me?
If it is not enough to judge I can describe him more, if you wish.

Brittany

April 23, 2014 at 7:35 am

I’m not sure if you or anyone really can help me out at this point, but it can’t hurt to ask.
I had been seeing this guy for a few months, and things were going amazingly. We had so much in common and wanted a lot of the same things in life. I had never connected with a man on so many levels before and everything was ‘perfect’. Then my birthday came. And after saying he had something really special planned for it, he forgot. I waited the whole day to pass, and I think he honestly forgot, but I called him out on it and he broke it off with me. I thought I’d give both of us some time and distance before trying to reach out to him, but I’m afraid my insane family has ruined any chance at ever getting the opportunity.
The night of my birthday I went to bed and my brothers, who had come over to cheer me up/celebrate with me, stole my phone. They harassed and pushed my ex to the edge and never bothered to tell him it wasn’t even me, though he should have known something was not right when they used two numbers at the same time (mine and one of their’s). It was almost a week before I got my phone back, and I tried explaining what had happened but he never responded.
Now, I like to write things in forms of letters. It is very therapeutic for me and it really helps me process things. I wrote two ‘letters’ to him. Both working out different things I would have liked to say to him, but would never send. One of those for my eyes only deals. My mom found the envelope, read them, and gave them to a cousin that my ex had talked to before. She just told me two nights ago that she brought them over to his apartment and left them on his doorstep.
I’m afraid that my family has completely ruined my chances at this point. I have no idea how to set this situation to rights, and have already distanced myself from my family so this NEVER happens again. There was a future here, real feelings, and I am hoping that you might see a way to help me. If not just let me know that nothing can be done. I just don’t think I should have to lose an amazing and wonderful guy over something I didn’t even do.
jane

April 4, 2014 at 11:28 am

Great article! Sorted me out. I was almost going to write lengthy post about my situation to ask for your advice but I think I already have it.

This will be more of a venting comment because I loved him – that settled type of love. I feel that he isn’t for me, even though I still want to wrap my arms around him and tell him it will be ok, we’ll make it in the end.

He’s been depressed for quite some time now because of a number of reasons. He has certain things planned in life and if one does not happen the others can’t begin. At the beginning he was very affectionate, said I was the one, sent me youtube videos of love songs, flowers, wrote me love letters.

But as the years went by, his life situation became worse and when I think of it now, it didn’t change his attitude towards me, but I heard from him less; less emails, less calls, but we did have the weekends together. Where we would chat online playing one of his games during the evenings into late night. Then I’d have to wait till next weekend – no communication in between.

You see we were a long distance couple, not too far, but with us both being in financial difficulty we could not see each other regularly. I never visited him, he did visit me a couple of times a year for his vacation. But some part of my gut told me it was not for me, because he did the same with his previous long distance girlfriends.

I’ve had three years of an online/long distance relationship on weekends, with vacations twice per year.

I wanted to be there for him in his bad times, support him when things went wrong again and again.
But it never got past this, the I love yous were still there, however the mails got less and less. If I sent an email, it would take days to get a response.

As his life situation got worse, his depression got worse, his interaction with me changed. This made me sad and put me in my own depression. I secretly started gambling as a way to escape, and the addiction took hold of me. I’m now financially scraping by to pay off debts.

Throughout all this, I’ve always felt his love for me. Made me feel that it was worth holding on, we love each other, we just need to get past these times. He even gave me a gift to help get a permanent membership at the gaming site.

His home situation got worse, I felt he became more distant, our weekend time became distant, we hardly spoke and spent more time playing. I started to worry.

Over the last few months, it became clear that he’s been having several chats, approaching other players, while I thought we were having “us” time.

This made me angry, cause it was our date night and he thought I was being petty and jealous. We couldn’t find a middle ground. Even though he suggested we just chat instead of play. I always chose play.

I found out one night after our chat, that he was still online and RPing with someone, messaged him and was told I’m busy in a nice way. I got angry.

And since then my feelings have changed – I feel like I needed to run away. He’s been up every night RPing, even after we chat. Every night way into the morning, as I wake up to go to work I still see them online. I don’t understand RP, but he’s been doing it for many many years. This incident really upset me. I got scared, even though I knew he did it before. Why was I so scared of this one? I turned into creepy girlfriend and everything that has been bottled up the last years came out: He was still logging on the dating site we meet, no contact during the week, why I can’t visit him, feeling like I’m in a compartment in his life, not a girlfriend, fear of being hurt like my last relationship. I missed the “relationship” feelings. Of course, I was told I was over-reacting, being mean and illogical (which changed his view of me) – as these conversations tend to go. He said he is the same, that I was the one that changed 🙁

Two days ago I wrote him an email explaining my actions the last few weeks, that I’m also depressed, numb. I have this strange need to let go, that I feel I’ve lost the relationship.

No answer, I’m not angry really, nor surprised, but disappointed – I know he’s been online RPing during this time.

This is wk4 since that RP incident and I’ve decided not to log onto the game anymore. I’m not really expecting a reply on my email. And strange enough I don’t think he’ll call me this weekend. I’m hoping he sort of doesn’t because I’ve made up my mind I want to move on to something better. I’m not young anymore so I want to enjoy the years I have left.

I don’t know why I was okay with the other RP, but not this one. I was okay with his profile still being up, but this RP incident, triggered past feelings of being rejected by a previous bf because of online cheating and I went into protection mode.

And honestly, I’m tired of getting only weekends, when his RP partner gets weeknights and the time after we chat. That’s just wrong in my eye.

It felt good writing this down. Now I’ve finished the sadness is back again. I really hope he doesn’t call and just let it all slip away and RP his life away.

But I know if he doesn’t it will hurt again and I’ll be stuck home on the weekends with nothing to day. As an introvert, I’ve kept mostly to myself and only built up superficial contacts – nothing deep.

I feel bad for him and his depression (I really didn’t want to let him down) but I’m ready to move on.
Lorraine

March 28, 2014 at 12:44 am

Hello

I broke up with my boyfriend this year in January. I rushed myself into that decision which i regret everyday till this day.

Apparently this guy has been flirting with some other girl and it turns out this girl really likes him. The problem so far, seems to be the fact that these two are separated by distance as they are in two different countries. My ex told this girl that he still has feelings for me but also has really strong feelings for her but does not want to be naive and commit to something when they have never spent time together.

Just last weekend, we decided to spend some time together since we had missed each other after about a month without interacting. The girl called him asking him why he was ignoring her messages and he told her that it had been a crazy weekend and was spending some time with some of his guys. I did not comment on anything. During the same weekend, he told me he was giving me a “challenge”. He said i was not to date for a whole year and i asked him why and the response i got was “Its just a small task that I’m giving you.” I also asked him that if i did not win this challenge, what would happen and he said, “Well, we’ll see then.”

Also, I’ve been going through a drastic financial crisis and i happened to mention it when i saw him so he insisted on helping me out even when i said i could not accept the offer. He however, deposited money into my bank account, which i haven’t used because i don’t know whether to accept it or not.

So right now I’m so confused. There’s this girl in the picture but it seems like he still cares about me and all. My question is, do you think there’s still a chance for me with this guy and do you think the wait will turn out to be fruitful at the end of the day? I really love him and miss the happy days we had together but i don’t know if holding on is the best option right now.

I hope you will be able to give me advice that i really need at this point in time.

Your assistance will be greatly appreciated.

Lorraine

admin

March 28, 2014 at 4:40 pm

There is a chance but let me ask you something.This new girl… how serious do they seem?

anonymous

March 23, 2014 at 10:43 pm

hey. i’ve recently been toying with the idea of getting back together with my ex, and would appreciate anyone’s opinion on what i should do.

we were friends at the beginning of college and dated for a year of school. we were best friends, and had an awesome relationship. then he left me, saying that school was too crazy and he needed to focus on grades. i was grateful for the break and change of pace, because i needed to focus on school as well. i also briefly dated another guy in the interim.

fast forward several months. he’d contacted me a few times, though i diminished all contact immediately after our relationship ended. he emailed me, asking if we could talk again, realizing that i would probably say no. as much as it made me feel uncomfortable, something within me wanted to talk to him again. anyway, we’ve been meeting up for coffee for a couple months now, trying to be friends again. things are still awkward, but we’re getting back to the same inside jokes and laughs that we shared for a year.

he’s made it very clear that he wants to get back together, that he’s still interested in me, and is very repentant for what happened. meanwhile, i’m just here, sorting through everything. my stubborn, prideful side refuses to consider the idea, but there’s a part of me that still misses him and his jokes and is beginning to seriously consider getting back together.

i’d love y’all’s opinions! i honestly have no idea what to do, because i’m sorting through so many things right now.

admin

March 24, 2014 at 5:50 pm

You must be from the south.

The y’all’s gave it away. (hey, I am from Texas so you are welcome here.)

Have you tried the nc rule or anything like that?
anonymous

March 24, 2014 at 6:43 pm

yes. i didn’t contact him for a good 3 months following our breakup; however, he did contact me (i didn’t reply). during that time, i focused on growing myself and investing in my friendships. he contacted me in january and wanted to see if we could be friends again. i, for the first time since our breakup, responded to him, and said that would be okay. since then, we’ve been occasionally having coffee and trying to rebuild our friendship (since all relationships, especially if they’re long term, should be built on a solid foundation of friendship; and i missed my friend and the way he made me laugh about everything). anyway, so all that has been happening.
i’m now having an internal debate with myself as to what to do–my stubborn side says to let it lay and forget about everything, but there’s something deeper inside me that remembers all the laughs and joy in that relationship and is wondering if it would be worth a second chance.
he still makes me laugh, and it’s like nothing between us has fundamentally changed, except for the fact that we’re not dating (by this i mean our basic friendshippy interactions haven’t changed, like joking around and talking and etc).
he is very much still interested in me. it’s hard to describe, but he still gets this look he got when we were together like he couldn’t believe he was with me. it’s almost a googly-eyed look. it’s obvious (to me at least) that he wants to revive this relationship.
long story short, he’s trying to win me back over after he broke up with me, and i don’t know if i should accept or reject. based on your article, it seems that i have several legitimate reasons to get back together with him, but what i don’t know is if doing that is wise.
from an outside perspective, would it be worth it to get back together when there’s still some shred of feelings for him, or would it be better to completely move on, as i earlier attempted?
(i’m actually from texas as well, so…yay texas!)
admin

March 25, 2014 at 4:32 pm

I think its worth a shot as long as you can enviosion a happy future with him.

dinochoco

March 22, 2014 at 12:17 pm

I loved a guy for 6 yrs in 3 yrs I had some medical issues so my marriage was postponed now my parents they are seeing alliance in home so I told my luv in home my bf told he has financial probe can’t marry n broke up after 2 months he told he loves me I was angry I told can’t trust u n talk to my parents u luv me call my dad after lots of hesitation without informing me he called my dad n told our luv got scolding tat day I try to comfort my bf but tat night he called cursed me a lot my dad hear n change my number I Nc to him after tat he followed my ac 2 months before fake ac saying I miss,lonely I deactivate my ac next week his birthday now I forgave him can I wish him,if I accept him will we be happy
celian

March 21, 2014 at 8:05 am

I have a ldr and been together for 7 months and he just dumped me for 1week now, he don’t txt reply and call.he dumped me coz he said im more on thinking negatives. Did everything to bring him back but he keep saying no..its over. .you think he dont like me? We spend everydsy on viber..skype we had good laugh and planning to meet this year..but saw him one day at one site..he is happy and as if he dint care at all.i love him si much..im on my 5 days of nc…yoy think he care still? And can I have him back again? What I must di

admin

March 21, 2014 at 5:12 pm

Have you read my long distance relationship guide?

Michelle

March 6, 2014 at 10:42 pm

I’d been dating my boyfriend for almost 3 months and seeing each other about 2 months beforehand and we had a small thing last year for about 1 month that didn’t end well but we sorted things out after. He’s got really bad trust issues (ex’s cheating, specially one with his brother) and he recently broke up with me rashly because he couldn’t trust me (even though I’ve never given him a reason not to trust me and he knows that) but we just spoke face to face for an hour and he said he regretted the decision and he wants me back and he promised he wouldn’t break up with me again because of his trust issues but I was really hurt because it came out of nowhere when he broke up with me and I spent the whole day/night crying over him so I just needed to talk to get closure and I think I did but I also want him back but my friends and I think that he’s not emotionally ready to be in a relationship with me at the moment but I don’t want to give up on him because I want to help him get over his trust issues and I’m pretty sure I was falling in love with him but I’m scared that he’s just going to end up hurting me again although all throughout our relationship we’ve been so happy and have only had minor arguments. I don’t know what to do, I said we should take the weekend to think about things and see what we want but I’m not too sure because if I didn’t take him back now then I could easily get over him but at the same time I want him back and all I could think about last night when he broke up with me was that I missed him and wanted him back and he said he felt the same. What should I do?
angy

March 3, 2014 at 12:30 am

Me and my boyfriend where together for almost 8 months and we got intoa fight because i had asked him wat he wyd and he said gunna eat and i saif wat u eating and he said tocoz and i was like is it chickan tocos and he got mad cuz of that and started saying to stop compareing him to people and i wasnt even compareing him hes the one that bought it up so wat can i do i really love him
Gena

February 28, 2014 at 3:29 am

I dated my boyfriend for a year and a half. We are only 20 years old, but I love him with all of my heart. Present tense. It’s been two weeks and he still won’t return my texts or calls. Everything was going so insanely great and then all of a sudden, he broke up with me. I literally cried about it today just thinking about how much I miss and love him. He even gave me a promise ring and took it back. We think that that may be the reason for him leaving. Lots of change–new job, took time away from school, parents split– all at once. We think he ran from me because he was scared. I’m absolutely devastated. If anyone has any clue of what I could do to make him remember how much he loves me or to make him less afraid of the future, please let me know. I would love to get back on track planning my life with him.

ps sorry if I sound incredibly desperate.

admin

February 28, 2014 at 10:56 pm

Well, I hope your not still spamming him with texts?

Emily

February 24, 2014 at 9:08 pm

Hi!
I recently left my boyfriend of two years as I have been feeling more hostile towards him, and like I don’t love him anymore. Our relationship was a LDR, and lately I had been feeling it was a “task” I had to do when I talked to him, but we still talked all the time and never argued but laughed and had a generally good time. But lately I’ve been feeling this was the wrong decision. I have been under very much stress lately with taking up too many responsibilities and studying very hard, causing me to have a very irregular sleeping pattern since early December, and it was particularly around December I started feeling hostile. Now that I have realized this I am stepping down from some of my responsibilities, and I make sure I get the proper amount of rest. Since doing this I feel changed, towards me and him. I realize now that I did not invest enough into the relationship by prioritizing what could further my career, that now feels empty without being able to share it with him. I feel sad every hour of every day, I miss HIM and not the relationship, all my experiences and everything that’s happening to me means nothing as long as I can’t share it with him. I just also want to explain that we left everything on good terms and both agreed this was the most meaningful relationship either of us had ever had, that we would always be very important to each other, and that as far as LDR went it had worked for us and there was other things that drove us apart (which I now figured out)
Should I try to get back together with him?

admin

February 25, 2014 at 6:40 pm

Hav eyou read my LDR post?
Emily

February 24, 2014 at 9:11 pm

I think I need to correct myself a bit, when I say I miss him and not the relationship I mean that I miss being in a relationship with him and not simply being in a relationship

Jaanu

February 23, 2014 at 11:58 am

15 days back had a big fight with my boyfriend for a small reason and got broke up 🙁 as it was my mistake went to meet him last week… as i couldn’t had control on my anger things went more worse. he blocked me from whats app, facebook. now he is not even ready to speak to me. i don’t want to loose him .how to convince him??????
Nicky

February 17, 2014 at 7:54 am

Hi Chris

Have you ever helped advise when a couple have split not due to the fact they don’t love each other but blending a family and kids was just too much?
I met a man on the internet, first time in my life I can say I have fallen in love hook line and sinker. I moved my entire life and daughter to a new town, new job, new school and moved in with him 6 hours away from my family and friends. We are both from different upbringings, mine being more fortunate. None of that mattered we were in love. However issues arose when it came to family and outside interference, an ex girlfriend who he had a daughter with and another teenage daughter from a young relationship he was a dad at 15…Having moved my entire life to be with him, whenever we had family issues, or outside interference as I call it, he always chose to back the other side totally undermining me in front of them. I couldn’t ever seem to get him to understand that “We” come first as we were the providers for the family. I am guessing it was survival instinct on his part….and old habits of defence.

As I had been raised a certain way there were some things that upset me, language in front if my daughter and a teen who was following down a similar teen pregnancy route as her mum and dad. Now I know I love him 100% for him….but the pressure a teen can cause and the ability to cause arguments is horrendous. We both worked hard and full time but the chinnagins the teen caused led me to my witts ends so I left. I can assure you they were bad. Added to that an ex who the teen was friends with and I actually started to think I was going mad.

The problem is I love him and by all accounts reading your site he is madly in love with me too. So we spilt because of the children and put them first. Again this is our different backgrounds I did give it a crack.

I have withdrawn and I get the I love you missing you texts then pics of one of his kids with stitches in their arm….automatic guilt I feel! Then I get an email about something he needs to return or a bill that’s still in joint names.

What do I do? He’s a tough nut to crack is street savvy through survival. I still love him but know I can’t physically share my daily life with the teen…yes she went for me… But understand its his daughter and at 15 she is still a child…looking like soon to be mum. He brought her up btw so is extremely close to him…but again different upbringings.

I am doing everything you write about but know that things had to change, hence my pedantic researching on the net and arriving at this site. I have never experienced feelings like this before and know he hasn’t hence his texts I guess. He was that man in the gym that could get any woman and up until me I do believe he thought they were disposable ….next!!!! His texts are telling me otherwise …..what do I do re the ones I get. Right now he knows through friends I am out on the town….funnily enough I am writing to you!

Can 2 such different backgrounds work and will love not kids shine through?

admin

February 17, 2014 at 7:47 pm

In other words, he got scared of having a family?
Nicky

February 18, 2014 at 12:13 am

Ha! yes, he said it’s the one thing he has wanted all his life and family and a nice home. When I left he said the home disappeared but for some reason he is still not doing anything about it apart from sending me long texts.

I have suggested meeting for a beer but he wont and avoids me at all costs and my gut tells me it’s because he knows he will cave and give in to love. Even when he drops stuff off he does when I am not home then texts saying he’s missing me. However he knows he will have to address the teen issue as giving your step mum a beating the bragging about it on FB is never going to work with me.

What do you reckon I should do?
Nicky

February 18, 2014 at 3:05 am

Lastly for the male mind to explain. One of the things we fought about was that when I raised an issue with the EX laying in the teens bedroom using the Wifi I was paying for and she had the cheek to ask if I had had a good day at work!! (she didn’t work) I saw red… and told him to sort it out…his reaction was to ignore me while he thought about it and cleared in his mind. So I had 5 days of silence, he said if not he would say something he would regret. So I am kind of wondering if he has not been applying the rules you write about all along on me and done it naturally!

Tenn FB incident 3 weeks of totally ignoring me. That made for comfortable living. Again she was raised by her dad. Actually Chris I do believe this could be a massive challenge for you to help sort, I have not read any story similar to mine so far.

Taryn

February 16, 2014 at 3:09 pm

I like this, because it helped me to realize that my reasons for wanting my boyfriend back are legit. My good reasons pretty much match your examples 😀

admin

February 16, 2014 at 6:35 pm

That is fantastic!!

Sarah

February 13, 2014 at 5:22 pm

Hi. I have an issue. I left my husband 6 mths ago due to his infidelity 9mths ago. We tried counciling but in all honesty my head went and I left. We have 2 children and he has a new girlfriend. He tells me he still loves me, spends a lot of time with us. We had a good relationship before, we were a great team. We still laugh a lot and feel very close. My problem is my family and friends hate him, I have built a new home and I fear that should it happen again I will be on my own and have to start from scratch again. We have so much worth saving but so much to lose too. He adores this girl but is talking of leaving her and fixing our marriage. Would it be possible?

admin

February 14, 2014 at 3:23 am

Have you read my guide on ex husbands?
Sarah

February 13, 2014 at 5:24 pm

Due to the kids NC is not an option
admin

February 14, 2014 at 3:23 am

Yes its really tough I am sorry.

I recommend limited contact for people in your situation.

Bri

February 4, 2014 at 8:27 pm

My ex and I were best friends through high school and started dating each other our senior year. We were together almost 2 years and we broke up about two weeks ago. Through that time we struggled but made it through:
a long distance relationship when I went to college away from home for a year
Working in close quarters together at the same job
Me getting kicked out of my home and living with him (I know that living with someone puts stress on a relationship, something we both weren’t ready for but I had nowhere else to go…parents wouldn’t take me in.)
We got through a cheating mess
Finally I found somewhere else to live so that things would’t be so stressful and we could get the romance back
But when I moved out is when everything fell apart.
He believes that if the relationship takes work for simple things then it’s not the right relationships
Personally I think all of it, fighting and all, was worth it (still is worth it) because we were blissful when we weren’t upset at each other.
When we lived together we fought alot but also there was alot of stress and it was something we both were not used to.
I haven’t contacted him since the break up but I believe that if we can get through everything we have been through together then we can get through this rough patch too. I’m alot to handle and I’ve come to terms with my mistakes but like you said, relationships are two-way streets and he made mistakes too.
I don’t believe that moving out was a step backwards but a step to help us move forward and find the fun in our relationship again..start dating again and enjoying each other’s company instead of taking each other for granted when stress came. I mean he’s my best friend and I would do anything for him.
Do I have a legitimate reason for wanting to work things out?

admin

February 5, 2014 at 6:34 pm

I think you do!

Leanne

February 4, 2014 at 8:22 pm

Ok so, me and my partner split about 3 months ago after a 2 year relationship.
At the start of our relationship we both went through some personal problems (one major one as a couple) but we managed to get through it all together and spent the next 2 years happy (I’m not saying it was argue free, as a relationships have disagreements, but we always realised how silly we were being!).
Then randomly, He told me that he didn’t think he could do it anymore, but never gave any reasons why. I was totally shocked, devastated, as the week before we went away on holiday and we were really happy (I didn’t sense he had any doubt what so ever!). Then he didn’t talk to me for a couple of weeks and one day messaged me to say he was having doubts as he wasn’t happy we split and wasn’t sure if he made the right decision. He said that he still loved me and wasn’t over me. Which instantly planted hope in my head… Then we didn’t talk for another couple of weeks and he was then involved in a major car accident. Since then he has changed, he goes out drinking a lot (which he always said he wasn’t into), he’s started to ignore his best mate and won’t talk to me at all. Maybe he’s still in shock? I don’t know…but I’m now confused! I don’t know what he wants to do, if he still has doubts…or how to even get him to talk to me.
I know at some point I will have to see him as he has left a lot of his things at my house which I know he’d want back, but he’s so adamant that I thought he’d have come and collected it ages ago if he really wanted it to be over….
Sorry for not writing loads and explaining everywhere, but it’s hard
To write on this phone!! xx

admin

February 5, 2014 at 6:34 pm

That is a lot to write on a phone.

Have you read any of the deeper posts on this site?

Leah

January 31, 2014 at 8:44 pm

Me and my bf have been together for 4 months and were going well. He made me feel more comfortable than anyone else does and he made me feel safe, loved and cared for but we would have heated arguments and something ott would be said.

We talked about it and he agreed to do whatever it takes to save our relationship. Over the next few weeks he became childish and gave little digs at me about past arguments like it was all my fault and one night after 4 days without contact in paris i came home and called him 3 times but he was busy baking for his work tomorrow for a birthday and called me in the 5 minutes he was waitiing for a missing ingredient.

I went a bit mad at him and pointed out he had to get his priorities straight as i had told him before and got a text back having a go at me so i abruptly ended it. His reaction was of hurt, shock and just a bit of old fashioned immaturity.

However, I know this is not the real him and that there are issues we just need to work on. I am in england and he is in northern ireland as it is due to me being in university but i live close to him at home in ni. He blames it on the distance and says maybe it would have been different were i not over here but i think hes using that excuse as a scapegoat to ignore the real issue. I think it deserves another go but im not sure, i love him to pieces and i dont want to be apart from him.

Any help please please pleeeeaaaaseeee!!!! I don’t think I’ll have much time 🙁

admin

February 1, 2014 at 6:30 pm

Are you doing NC?

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