I Don't See Us Getting Back Together... What Does It Mean?- Ex Boyfriend Recovery

384 thoughts on “I Don’t See Us Getting Back Together… What Does It Mean?”

Tess

May 25, 2015 at 7:57 pm

I noticed here you said that when she bought the PRO you and she were in contact frequently. Does purchasing the PRO mean that you would be willing to be in contact with the purchaser through this process?

Tess

June 2, 2015 at 8:20 pm

Do you have any price estimations for that? As well as when you are thinking releasing it?
Chris Seiter

June 3, 2015 at 5:04 pm

$297 a month.

My wife and I (and even a trusted friend) did a ton of research on what other coaches are charging and I wanted to be a little below what they are to make it more affordable but also worth my time.

Turns out $297 a month is a decent deal when you have people out there who are charging $500.
Chris Seiter

June 2, 2015 at 2:25 am

Haha it used to be.

It’s not anymore otherwise I would have around 1000 emails a day.

I am about to release paid coaching though.

Jana'y

May 25, 2015 at 6:56 pm

Hello Chris. I have been in a relationship with my ex for 3 years and he has been nothing but respectful to me. He has loved me for everyday for these 3 years as well as my 5year old daughter (she is not his) and still does. Well about a week ago, he sends me a text message saying that, “I am feeling doubtful about the relationship”, “I feel like I am wasting your time”, “It’s best that we break-up”. Now of course I go through a range of emotions because everything with us was so good and I got no indication that anything was wrong with him. He is an introvert person and its hard for him to express his feelings with anyone especially with me and I compromised with that and he would open up little by little with things that are bothering him. We decided to meet up in a neutral place so I could see if I could do something to change his mind but nothing happened. He hit me with the, “I don’t think we should be together” but he still wants to be my friend and hang out and he tells me that he is still in love with me. He still contacts me and makes sure me and my daughter are alright and even suggested going out to dinner and a movie. Its very confusing because if he doesn’t want to be together anymore why would he still want to be my friend and spend time with me and my daughter? I wonder if he’s just scared of something, his friends and family were all shocked because they thought we were good together and his brother reached out to me and told me to keep fighting for him because he never seen his brother more happier in his life than when he was with me, he just feels that he is unworthy of me. I just need help, I want him back so bad and I know he wants me too but I don’t know how to go about it.
xyz

May 25, 2015 at 7:31 am

Please Chris write something about Workahollic guy too.
Its really Lovely website.

Chris Seiter

June 2, 2015 at 2:22 am

Yes, that would be a good topic to write about.

Terri

May 25, 2015 at 4:16 am

Hi Chris,
I asked before about the NC rule working if he initiates. I’m still a little confused in that aspect, as there is no way for me to end the NC period safely with him wanting control over the situation (he could very well decide he’d like it to be permanent). And my situation is a little unique…
When we broke up, he said he genuinely wanted to get back together. Within a few days, he was told I cheated on him by someone who had assaulted me in the past- equating my assault to consensual cheating on him. He claims it didn’t at all affect his decision or feelings, but he then decided it would be best for us to “never try again”. He genuinely believed that I would cheat on him! To my face he would say “theres no way to know” but to others he says he does believe it. I have no way to prove myself so I’m stuck in this situation… and of course, there are those who say “if he would believe that why would you want to be with him?”. I believe that he is willing to believe because it is a reason for him to be angry at me and feel more justification for the break up…

It’s quite a confusing situation to be in. Everyone says its not an important part of the break up, but I believe it holds more relevance than it seems. I would never ever cheat on him though! I was always terribly devoted. What can be done to amend this?

Terri

June 2, 2015 at 8:18 pm

I mean what can be done about him thinking I cheated on him when that never occurred! How can you regain the trust?
Chris Seiter

June 2, 2015 at 2:21 am

Like if he initiates it?

Well, you initiate it on him and thats the date you start counting from. When it’s up you should have texts prepared to open the conversation up with him.

Britt

May 24, 2015 at 8:53 pm

Hi Chris,
I enjoy reading your articles as they are very insightful. I would like to give a detailed but brief of my situation as it is a bit unique, as most are to the individuals.
About 2 months ago my boyfriend and I broke up, we had been together 4 years and had a healthy relationship for the most part. Due to life stresses and “speed bumps” he lost his job and was basically unemployed for over a year besides the odd part time work. I worked full time and am a full time student, etc… throughout the last year of our relationship due to stress it has become very up and down. Both of us became unhappy, our spark had died. We felt more like roommates. Needless to say the day came where he expressed that he is unhappy, he knows I am unhappy too and that he is not in love with me anymore like he use to be, our spark is gone. He wanted time and space, I wanted to work on things, we had built too much of a life together to just give up but as a few days passed I noticed how tense he was and I couldn’t do that to him, I knew I had to let go. I told him I loved him and wanted him to be happy so if that meant letting go than I was willing to respect what he wanted. We ended mutually(though more on his end rather than mine) with a lot of tears, kissing, cuddling, sex…. On a breakup scale of best to worst, good to bad, it was the best. No yelling, no blaming, no name calling there was nothing but calmness, tears and passion on both sides. It was almost poetic and I feel blessed for that experience.
We are best friends and he is adamant that we stay that way, I agree because our foundation and friendship is something undeniable. both of our families (parents) are in shock and feel as if this cannot be the end for us.
I moved out but still have a few things at our old place/his place until I can fully get on my feet and have my situation sorted out. Over the past 2 months we have spent maybe 6 days apart, we get along so well and everything feels great except I am emotional and would question him about us and things… which annoyed him, we would argue, I would cry, he would apologize. Spend a day apart then he would ask me to hangout again. Recently I have been controlling those urges to ask questions and things have been smoother.
I guess my confusion is how am I supposed to handle a situation like this? I would ideally love for time to heal us both, we become happy with ourselves and than reconnect. I 98% of the time do not contact him unless he contacts me first and I don’t initiate hangouts, he will ask. I know he loves and cares about me but am I just getting myself into friend zone? Is he just using me as a cushion to deal with the breakup until he meets someone new? I feel as though he genuinely wants me in his life and he is not one to do something he doesn’t want to and usually likes his alone time, he is not needy at all.
I want to do the no contact rule but how can I go about it? after all this time I can’t just cut him off and ignore him. Should I just say that I need time and space?
I love spending time with him but not if it’s going to cost me a chance of us getting back together.
I know he is confused and searching for some sort of feeling, whether it’s with me or someone else…. I am pretty sure he will need to meet others to quench his curiosity before realizing the true depth in which we had and where we could rekindle our spark.
I feel stuck, like I do not want to be seen as this girl who sits by ideally while he goes out to explore than takes him back when he is done with open arms but he has been putting in so much effort to keep me in his life that I don’t want to just disappear.

Help me!! any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you!
Britt

Chris Seiter

June 2, 2015 at 2:17 am

I don’t think you should sit around at all.

Are you in NC?

Diana

May 24, 2015 at 12:49 pm

Hi Chris!
I have been an avid reading of your site for the past few weeks and I’m just about to purchase the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro!
A quick question before I forget, I’m almost done my 30 No Contact with him, however, my ex boyfriend hasn’t been directly contacting me because he understands that I need time and space. BUT, he’s been indirectly contacting me through mutual friends such as leaving me a birthday present to them to give to me (I didn’t accept the gift) and yesterday another mutual friend told me he wanted to say congrats on a new job and is offering to drive me to work. Our workplaces are 5 minutes away from each other, but we live almost half an hour a part so carpooling will be out of his way.
My question is, how do I avoid contact with him when it involves mutual friends speaking on his behalf? I can’t just ignore my friends in order to ignore him. If I reply to my friends, they will relay that reply to him, so isn’t that breaking No Contact?
Bambi

May 24, 2015 at 3:15 am

Hi Chris,

I have been reading your posts since after my boyfriend and I broke up. I did the huge mistake of keeping in contact with him for about 2 months after the break up, then I got a mesaage from him saying, “he has no intentions of fixing what we had.” I am torn and don’t know what to do.

Chris Seiter

June 2, 2015 at 2:08 am

NC here we come!!!!

Need some advice from the master!

May 24, 2015 at 12:40 am

Hey Chris,

Thank you for having the best and most sane website ever!

I wanted to get your advice. I’m 25 days into my 3rd no contact after a messy break up in February. He cheated on my with several women over Christmas. I read his messages and he was messaging fourteen women. Apparently this was a “coping mechanism” after his divorce where his wife of 12 years and mother of his kid cheated on him. He’d been “coping” with loneliness this way for three years before we got together. I’m the first relationship he’s had since it all.

The last break up thing we had, he told me that he loved me but wasn’t in love with me. He told me he’d ended it with all these women and was being completly alone to become a good person again that doesn’t lie pathologically and cheat. I hear that he’s not changed at all.

Anyway, it was my birthday yesterday and I got an email from my favourite shop about an order of a gift that is all in-jokes and meaningful of stuff we laughed about together, so I know it’s from him. It doesn’t look like he’s written a note with it, didn’t text or contact me on the day. I feel like he’s some school kid who has kissed me, then pushed me over and run off. It feels like he’s goading me into contacting him to either thank him outright or to ask if he sent me the gift.

What does this mean? Is he just sending the gift to make himself feel better about treating me badly and hurting me or is this more. I’ve said i didn’t want to hear from him unless he wanted to change and make things work. He’s contacted me throughout all the other no contacts but this time nothing until the gift.

Any advice you could give would be amazing. I’m worn out with it! I have followed your advice to the letter, got in the best shape ever and excelling with my career. I feel genuinely wonderful but this does still plague me and I’m still not over him 4 months on.

NEED SOME ADVICE FROM THE MASTER!

June 4, 2015 at 1:29 am

If it’s possible then I would but I don’t feel like I should have to do the chasing after he cheated.

I thanked him at the end of NC. He did put a note in with the order, saying happy birthday and calling me a pet name. I kept it brief saying “thank you for the gift. It arrived today. It was very thoughtful of you”. He wrote back with “happy birthday! it was supposed to arrive on Friday but I’m glad it got there. You always said you would accept knitwear…or stripes.” As this was striped knitwear.
I didn’t reply. What else could I say? I kind of think this means nothing to him as he’s not really trying to do anything but get my attention and make himself feel better for treating me badly by sending a gift.

The last time we broke up he said he loved me but wasn’t in love with me but kept contacting me all the time. That’s why I initiated NC. Am I fighting a losing battle? I feel like I am.

I’ve just been on a date with a great guy this week, which felt nice, but I’m still thinking about all of this every day.

Thanks so much for your advice!!
Chris Seiter

June 2, 2015 at 2:07 am

Most sane website ever haha. I like it.

So, do you want him back or do you just want to move on from him?

Megan

May 23, 2015 at 5:32 pm

Hi Chris, I’m a new reader and I’m currently in the position of Part Two. We’ve been together for 7 years and he said he doesn’t have any feelings towards me anymore in a fight. I had to leave to another state and we’ve just started the LDR for about 3 months now. I begged him to give me a chance and he did. I gave him space by not contacting him but he messaged me saying that he has never been so sure that he no longer has feelings for me. I did not accept the break up as I insisted for a chance to fix the relationship. He didn’t agree to it and just said “do whatever you want and I’ll do whatever I want”. He had also packed my belongings in his place (we used to stay together until I had to move to another state to continue my studies). So what I’m asking is, in my situation I think I’m in the “Part Two” category. What would be your advice then? Also, do you think I have a chance to make him fall for me again?

Chris Seiter

June 2, 2015 at 2:05 am

I think you have a chance.

Exactly what part of part two are you in?

Jade

May 23, 2015 at 2:17 pm

Hi Chris,
My ex ignores me when I ask to catch up in person. He said missed me after I completed the nc and couple weeks of messaging him (sparingly and in control).
I’ve been initating most of the conversations. The first time I asked to catch up, he said yeah lets hang out. I told him to text me later to plan the day. He responded four days later to ask where I was but didn’t follow up with that conversation.
I started texting him like normal (a text every 3 days) and i got positive responses. I asked to hang out again after a positive text conversation and he said yes let’s plan something out. I said that I was coming back to town on Thursday so let’s hang out on Friday? & he never responded. I even called on Thursday and be didn’t pick up. I purchased the program and im just not sure what to do at this point.
Maria

May 23, 2015 at 9:22 am

My ex doesn’t ignore me but he just answer what I ask him (in a friendly way), he doesn’t try to keep the conversation going. I am always the person who initiate the conversation (texting, once every 2-3 days). We broke up 2 months ago. One day after our break up he still text me normally like before but I did 1 month of NC. I don’t know if it’s true that when I text him I feel he is angry because I had ignored him before. Now when I text him, his way of reply is very weird, although still friendly. When we hang out with mutual friends together, he ignore me completely. I don’t know what action should I take now because the texting obviously does not work at the moment. Any suggestion? thank you

Chris Seiter

June 1, 2015 at 10:09 pm

Ya… he may need more time or you maybe aren’t sending the right type of text messages.

Dee

May 22, 2015 at 3:11 pm

He said to me “I could NEVER love you again”. 10 days later (As I was still living there) he said to his best friend that with our new separate lives, then maybe (I was previously very dependent on him).
Then 5 days later he freaked and said you care about me way more than I care about you… and freaked.

Then about a month after (still living there) he said he was confused and didn’t know what he wanted. I was different now, better but he still wanted to be alone and he couldn’t see past that.
He didn’t want to get back together and end up resenting me because he never experienced his original plan – being alone and having time for himself and career. And living alone.

He then said “you’re the perfect girlfriend now so shouldn’t I feel something more” ” I can’t see past being alone, I can’t make up my mind while you’re still here” and “Maybe I can see us getting back together. But I can’t ever see it getting past a maybe”.
– notice how it went from never to maybe because I realized my faults and genuinely changed back to who I was and stopped being dependent and naggy.

Fast forward 2 months and I move out.

Fast forward 3 months – meeting and texting – and accidental drunken & next morning sober sex during which he said to me “I just feel like I’m using you and I don’t want to do that. I don’t want a girlfriend right now you know that, and I can’ t promise that when I do want a girlfriend that it will be you”

Following a NC period after that and now we’re going for coffee – he is still insistent to me and all of his friends that he doesn’t want a girlfriend. He knows he “needs to be alone right now”.

Any thoughts?

Chris Seiter

June 1, 2015 at 10:01 pm

I think you should focus on just the coffee right now and having a good time at that little meetup.

Minnie

May 22, 2015 at 5:41 am

We were in relationship for 2 years. We broke up 6 months ago. I have done a full no contact. After that I tried to contact him and he usually replied me in a friendly positive way, I think. Whenever I mention about getting back together, he quickly changes to opposite mood. Sometimes he said he needs more time to think, but sometimes he said no. He explained that he is not good enough for me, he doesn’t have any feeling for me, he doesn’t want to hurt me… Meanwhile, he is trying to flirts other girls. I think that I have no hope if he completely ignores me. But he behaved too cold with me and then ignored me and then he contacted me first. He asked me how’s my summer holiday and after just 2 or 3 sentences he continued ignore me and flirted another girl. (Because I know his facebook password so I can stalk him and see his messages). I feel like he is playing me. He acts like he cares about me when he has no girl around and if he finds a girl interesting, he will ignore me. But I know he is a responsible guy, not a bad guy at all so he doesn’t act in a bad way like this. Do you think that he just need some freedom after a long relationship? Do you see any chances I have? I really don’t know what to do now. He will back home next week (he is studying in another province) and I will ask him for going out, to see a movie and have chance to be closer before official ask him to be in relationship again. I can see a long distance between us now.

Chris Seiter

June 1, 2015 at 9:59 pm

I think his actions speak louder than his words.

What are his actions saying?

Rachel

May 22, 2015 at 3:08 am

Hi Chris
Thanks for setting this up and I need your advice!
My ex and I broke up for a month and there’s situations here
He contacted after a few days and try to be friends
And I agreed that we don’t mention things btw us when we meet , it was pleasant all along
And then there was sth I found out after two weeks after my birthday that I had a miscarriage
I didn’t intend to let him know since there’s nth he could do and it was early so no operations occurred
I told him after two days and he just asked for proof
I did give it to him
He still thinks it’s not true and claimed he’d care as a friend
He lashed out on me and verbally abused me
I remained calm since its repeating a lot of times.
I called the next day and see things would calm down and he just lashed out and finds me annoying and claimed that he’d block me in every communications and said “I’d block you until I know how to face u” and he did (I don’t think be will unblock me)
And don’t use a block number to call him again .
I left a note and food at his dad ‘s and he took it last night no respond
He told a mutual friend that he is doing so so there’s no false hope for me
Does it mean there’s no chance at all? And I don’t think he would go through anything to unblock me
We run together and I am one of the member in the crew and he removed me fr the group but the mutual friend would still invite me
Should I just go without telling him (since he won’t be back to training till a couple of months) and just appear when he does ?
Or what should I do ?

Rachel

Chris Seiter

June 1, 2015 at 6:23 pm

You should really read my article on blocking.

I answer a lot of your questions there.

Kit

May 21, 2015 at 9:37 pm

FINALLY! UPDATES ON THIS SITE! I’ve been refreshing this page like cray for weeks! Quick question for you Master Chris, what do you do about competition?

My ex and I broke up due to a terrible fight last year in october and I did a good time of NC for months. I recently apologized to him for being clingy and calling him names. He also apologized for not communicating well. We just patched up recently as “friends.” I found out that he is dating a new girl but they aren’t really exclusive. It’s more of a crush than anything seriously romantic. He doesn’t seem to be looking for a relationship per se, but knowing him… he is prone to attraction.

What can you advise for this? I’ve read your book and the articles and I was thinking of taking things slow, becoming the UG while maintaining being approachable and maybe relax a bit? (because I was clingy before to him). I am curious of what kind of mindset you suggest for this- some friends tell me that since there is competition, i need to step up my game and advance. But others tell me to pretend that competition doesn’t exist. I want to know what your wisdom says about this- the MINDSET for competition, thanks 🙂

Kit

June 1, 2015 at 7:43 pm

yes, competition in the form of other women.There is a particular girl he likes because he wants to help her with her personal problems (i heard one time that she was depressed and i saw her twitter. she’s pretty young with angsty teen issues) And since he is the good guy, I am a little worried that this dainty princess Cleopatra is decreasing my chances of getting him back soon. Here I am doing my best to be a strong UG girl, and there go the good guys like him who choose or flock to “weaker” non-UG women. We started chatting, but after a few weeks our communication began to fade (he stopped replying to me)

I am currently torn between walking away or continue trying to contact him (as you suggested like toss him a few texts and if he is not very interested, back off for a week or two then resume). I want us back soon but I have a feeling that we wouldn’t work so well with things as they are (especially with the competition). I have a feeling he is stuck to that girl who needs him right now. I am really confused because my choices are extreme: walk away or step up my game.

your wisdom on this will be greatly appreciated
Chris Seiter

June 1, 2015 at 6:19 pm

Hi Kit,

So sorry for the late response.

I am falling behind on some of my obligations. Namely answering people.

Do you mean competition in the form of other women?

Mary

May 21, 2015 at 8:17 pm

This is the second time I write to you , and I would be really grateful if you answer . I know you have no obligation , but I’ll try my luck anyways . So, here we go .
I’ve been with this guy almost 6 months . We really loved each other , and made plans about our future . We were both aware of our flaws , of our situation , but we kept going . The only external problem was caused by my family , who is against our relationship . He wasn’t affected by this at that time , and acted mature towards it.
I had a instable personality , and maybe 80% this was the reason we broke up . I was dealing with all kind of negative thoughts , anxiety etc etc. Of course this affected our relationship and pushed me to do stupid things. I even broke up with him , for one day , due to my lack of trust. Since that day , our relationship started to fall apart a little by little , day by day. We promised to change , but failed anyway. When I finally confronted the inevitable , it was way too late . He decided it’s better to break-up , he said his love starded to fade because of what I did , but he also said that he truly loved me. After the break-up , I have let the desperation guide me , and that was a huge mistake . I begged and pleaded , I asked him if we could meet , I insisted waay to much . Eventually , I realised that this won’t work . He told me that we could still be friends , but nothing else (‘we can’t get back togheter’ thing ) Now , I think he was somehow pressured to say that because of my after break-up behaviour . I accepted to be just friends, as I didn’t know what to do .He also told some mutual friends the same thing , that I need to move on . We haven’t talked since then , a month ago . I painfully realised that I need to change to accomplish what I want . And I did.( I still need to improve , I know , I know) I’m not longer desperate and needy , I’m aware that happiness it’s my job , not others’ . But I have also realised that this is the man I want to spend my life with, the man that I want to share my life with . But to continue with the story… he is going to move in another town this year for work . I’m so afraid he will forget me and move on to a woman who will really appreciate him . Now , I know I can be that woman . I also know it’s a proccess, and I’m resonable, I’m not expecting results in a short time . He recently texted me , but just something insignifiant . What do you think ? Should I reinitate the contact with him now or wait a little more ? Do you believe I still have some chanches to win him back ? What should I do from now on ?
I’ll thank you in advance haha. Have a good day!

Chris Seiter

June 1, 2015 at 6:18 pm

Sorry about ignoring the first time around.

It’s tough answering everyone especially when I want to spend time created contact.

Reinitiate contact with him. Run a few texts by me though.

Joan

May 21, 2015 at 4:47 pm

Hi Chris,

My boyfriend of 6 months and I broke up 2 weeks ago. He said that loved me but that he wasn’t in love with me, but that I was the girl he pictured himself with and that he could see us getting back together. Not sure what to believe here. Anyways, I got clingy after the breakup and spent a week trying to call him constantly. He told me that it reaffirmed his decision to break up and that I shouldn’t call anymore, that it was time to move on.

I’m currently on day 7 of no contact. I haven’t heard anything from him in the meantime. I want to believe that there’s a hope but his actions and words seem to match up. Is there anything I can do to fix the situation?

Chris Seiter

June 1, 2015 at 6:08 pm

They seem to match up or don’t seem to match up?

sharon

May 21, 2015 at 1:42 am

I am a fan of your website.

My husband and i broke up for two years. We have been keeping in touch daily and seeing each other once a week as we have a child together.

I have obviously tried to win him back. Yet, my execution is bad and did the common mistakes repeatedly. He had said the statement “we won’t get back together” several times. Every time, it was said when i asked him about it or when i pushed him to a corner. He doesn’t show the other two traits u mentioned.

Do i still have a chance? I pull myself together n decide to implement the plan. Would it be too late after two years n repeated failed attempts?

sharon

May 21, 2015 at 5:17 pm

No, the divorce has not happened yet, even though he is free to proceed with it after two years of seperation.

He agrees to hold it. Apparently, he is still observing me.

Actually, i have left you a podcast and already bought your book. I really appreciate if you could give me a game plan. My case has features of a lot of your articles.
– my husband is 38, i am 36. We dated for three years and are married for six years.
– he loved me a lot, but i didn’t live with him since our marriage. Slowly n surely, he lost his feelings to me.
– after seperation, i made several deadly miatakes repeatedly. I am pretty n fit, yet i am pestering him n he associate me with a negatuve image – annoying.
– yet, because he had loved me a lot before n out of responsibility, he called me daily to check out our child n listen what i have to say.
– he put me in friendzone. I need to get out of this.
– his resistence to my idea of getting back together is high.
– he said he doesn’t see changes in me and can’t see why he would chase me again. He lost his feelings to me.
– he is now on a three week business trip. I take this opportuniyu to embark on no contact. I m on my 10th day of nc.

What could my game plan be?

I listened to all your podcast. I came up with a game plan by extracting your advices to others.
– conduct no contact for 45 days.
– try not to go out with him together with our child. I will stop all holding hands n physical touch. I will stop talking to him via phone.
– after nc, i will friendzone him, be hot and cold. Basically i need to get out of friendzone.
– i will start with text messages n refuses to talk on phone until some attractions are built.
– after i get out of friendzone, i will implement the texting strategy in your book.

Does my plan sound good?
sharon

May 21, 2015 at 4:35 pm

No, the divorce has not happened yet, even though he is free to proceed with it after two years of seperation.

He agrees to hold it. Apparently, he is still observing me.
Chris Seiter

May 21, 2015 at 3:50 pm

Thanks for being a fan!

Has a divorce occurred?

Regina

May 20, 2015 at 11:05 pm

Hey Chris! A youngster reading you over here. I would like to ask you for advice if you don’t mind. My ex boyfriend and I broke up a month ago. Two weaks before breaking up, he told me we could get time apart but did not wanted to loose all our communication. After breaking up, I made the mistake of contacting him, but I didn’t text gnat. After reading other book (of how to get your ex back ass soln as a week) and applied the NC rule, but only 21 days. My ex did contact me during that, just once, i gave a short answer and when he replied I didn’t answer back until the NC ended. After, my ex and I started chatting a little bit more (a week actually) and we touched the theme of our past relationship. He was clearly emotional because he told me things like he was still in love with me and that he couldnt imagine loosing me forever (because i gave him hints of other guys trying to make me fall in love, which I it’s true because during the NC I recovered myself and made me better). After that, I stopped talking to him like for a week. After that week, we talked and said that he loved me, but was hurt and needed time to recover. Also that he DID wanted to get back with me…but not right now (Like you said up). I dont know what to do. Should I Keep trying to build attraction or what? Good job with your site Chris! (Sorry if my grammar it’s bad, I’m mexican nwn)

Regina

May 29, 2015 at 10:04 pm

Chatting, trying to make myself more difficult to acces, and sometimes im sweet to him. He gets jealous easily and even asked me out to the movies.
Regina

May 21, 2015 at 7:03 pm

I have kept some short conversations (4-5 texts) in which I have been remembering him some of our peak moments while we were dating, when we go to train, I just keep smiling and talking with my friends, so when he comes to talk to me, I keep it short and polite before moving on. I don’t know if it applies, but everytime he sees me I look my best
Chris Seiter

May 21, 2015 at 3:46 pm

Hi Youngster :p .

What have you done in terms of rebuilding attraction after NC?

Crib-robber

May 20, 2015 at 10:26 pm

Hi Chris! I’m 31 and I had been dating a 22 year old for almost a year. Sadly for both of us, I was going through clinical reactive depression, and more often than not I became a gnat, clingy, needy and high maintenance. We broke up a few times, only one of them on my side, but never for more than a couple of days at most. This time I was trying to get him to meet me at an earlier time (we were recovering from a breakup he initiated after I had a very bad crisis, but we weren’t doing it so well), because I wanted to share my previous diagnosis (of which he was unaware) and my current overcoming of depression, which from my point of view would make things much better for the both of us. The answer I got when I asked if the next day would be my day (I know, I know…) was that he didn’t know if he wanted to go out with me. My reaction was proof of my better state: I said neither did I, but meanwhile I was putting energy into it and this helped me figure things out. Then I took some time to think and the following night I dropped his stuff at his place and had to settle for texting him (he wasn’t home and he was driving, so he wouldn’t pick up the phone). I said I couldn’t be with someone who didn’t want to be with me, and that I was helping him make up his mind by cutting down his options. Then I started NC immediately, though until I found your site I didn’t know it had a name. We have had no contact ever since, he hasn’t tried at all, which is not uncharacteristical of him whatsoever (he’s got classic commitment issues as you describe them, due to the loss of her mother at am early age). As I write, this is day 18 of NC. He deleted me from his phone but didn’t block me (I can tell that without calling nor texting :P), he did not delete me from his dog’s Facebook (I did not have him added to work on my jealousy issues, and I must say it worked quite well), but he did turn off chat so that I cannot tell when he’s logged to check my posts. What he did do on day 6 of NC is post a public video (OK, I snoop, but I swear I’ve been focusing on myself!) of a sad song with quotes from it, which roughly translate to “fill your glass, gorgeous, and let’s toast, to that which will never be”. A couple days ago he posted Mercy by Muse, which we were going to see together in October. As I work towards making the most possible improvements, I am torn. Is this which will never be simply “us”, is it the higher degree of commitment I wished for (he only applied the boyfriend / girlfriend treatment when we talked to other people, and didn’t want to change his relationship status even if we kept it private), and if he’s posting a song for me, why won’t he just talk to me? I’ve read in several places that it will be me and only me who initiates contact because I’m the one who broke it off (and he’s as proud as it gets). He has also logged to twitter, which he hadn’t done in months (still mutually following; I know because he made a single tweet), and keeps making the events he goes to public on Facebook (to spite me or to let me know where he’ll be?). I am now much better than when I started NC, I know I can be happy without him (heck I kinda am), but I like my life much better with him in it. It would be our anniversary this weekend, so I won’t contact him yet; I also need to be better because I do not want the same relationship we had, but something new (same guy, new songs?). His commitment issues make him get too close and then paranoid because of how close we got, at his initiative. Is he better off now, and that’s why he hasn’t tried anything? Does he meant it when he posted that it’ll never be? Is 30 days too much NC considering I was the one who ended it? Thank you for your awesome site, I hope you have a sale of Pro soon, as with exchange rates it’s currently very much out of my possibilities, let alone my budget.
Sincerely yours,
Crib-robber 🙂

Crib-robber

May 22, 2015 at 2:26 am

Why yes I did! It was hard to keep things to 90 secs. I love the podcasts; having them allows me to refocus on NC and make things easier. The exchange rates are 11:1 at the moment.
You know what else is very helpful for NC? The case studies; those days were easier because I’d feel tempted but tell myself that I’d wait for the next email to have more info ^^!
Chris Seiter

May 21, 2015 at 3:45 pm

Crib Robber…

That sounds familiar.

Did you leave a voicemail?

What are the exchange rates where you are from?

Maybe I can make it affordable for just you.

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