I Don't See Us Getting Back Together... What Does It Mean?- Ex Boyfriend Recovery

384 thoughts on “I Don’t See Us Getting Back Together… What Does It Mean?”

Denise

September 7, 2015 at 11:08 pm

The guy I dated for one month is seeing someone whose facebook name is brendainthepants. She looks younger then him by a good 5 years and has a cover photo of a pink anime cat lasering a building down with his eyes. Although as cool as that may seem to guys, it is unlikely that they will end up together… But I could be wrong. My ex has told me consistently that he does not want a relationship, so the last txt I sent him was “thank you for clearing up a lot of things and making me realize how much time I have waisted. I hope you are having less stress and exhaustion. PS I forgive you for unintentionally hurting me because deep down I know you’re not a bad guy.” Is it likely that he will call down the road after saying that he is not the one for me and I sure as heck am not the one for him?
Anonymous

August 27, 2015 at 6:24 pm

When my ex finally posted pictures of his new girlfriend on facebook, after a month of us being broken up, i commented “aww you guys look like brother and sister :)” (i swear they do)… and then he finally blocked me. And when he did, i texted him a few really hateful things about his new gf being a whore (because she slept with his other friends literally right before him)…..Does it imprint in my ex’s mind that i was a jealous crazy b****? Did i just eliminate all chances of us being together in the future?

Anonymous

September 10, 2015 at 3:57 am

Do you have an estimated time you think they will be together? its been 2 months now. Theyre still together, i dont know how their relationship is going but i saw his new gf posted “Youre the best <3" on his facebook. Please Help, im stressing an answer to this question.
Anonymous

September 9, 2015 at 7:00 pm

Okay! thanks so much 🙂
Sabrina

September 2, 2015 at 6:07 am

Hey Chris,

My ex and I were together for almost two years off and on towards the end. He ended up hooking up with a girl after a break up of ours and when we got back together he wasn’t truly invested and said he regretted his decision. However he would tell me he still likes me and I was the one the when he choose to settle down it would be with. Now he says he wants me/ likes me but doesnt want to be with me, and said he doesnt see us getting back together ever but is unable to say this to my face. Is there any hope for us?
Chris Seiter

September 2, 2015 at 3:04 am

It does make you seem jealous but try no contact for 30 days and let them get into arguments and fights on their own. I don’t see them lasting.

Melissa Marie

August 24, 2015 at 2:35 am

My ex and i were together for an amazing 2 years. We fought really bad sometimes but mostly the relationship was beautiful. We went on the road together for the 2 years and we were gifted a dog during our travels. 1 month ago he suddenly just left on the road again with another girl.The excuse he gave over text was that she found a great paying summer job in a town (very far away from me) and he would make lots of money “for us”….he said he would be back for me…………… I gave him more than everything i had and he left me for another girl. And this girl is a step down from me in every way… except that shes more “hippie spirited” than me. after 2 weeks of him being gone with no contact, he texts me “i miss you and wanna be with you.” but he never said anything like that ever again. A week after he said that, he told me “we wont be getting back together again our relationship was sick, im sorry”…Its now been a month of him being gone. He ignores me alot but replys to some things i say. The very last time i messaged him, i said “hows our dog?” and he said “RIP Rizzo”. i thought she died so i ask him whats wrong and he never responded. 4 days later he uploaded a pic of Rizzo dog obviously Alive, and his new gf commented “RIP Rizzo”. so I feel like it was a sick joke between them the whole time. And he hasnt posted one pic of them together this whole time until yesterday. What does all this info mean?

Chris Seiter

August 24, 2015 at 5:33 pm

It sounds like he is a major jerk that plays games. Trust me you do not want a guy like that in your life. Let her have him, he is mean spirited and you can definitely do better!

With regards to the plan, you should have been in no contact for 30 days continuous but honestly I don’t think this guy is worth your time but it is up to you if you want him back. I personally think you should start dating other people.

Angelina

August 22, 2015 at 7:53 pm

Hi Chris,
I’ll try to keep this short. My ex-boyfriend and I were together for 9 months on and off. We had trust issues that lead to our first big break up. I held on what he did during our break up that made it difficult to move forward. We broke up a little over 5 weeks ago, I kept insisting on getting back together but he insisted we wouldn’t get back together right now. I kept begging and insisted to work it out. Now he insists that he we will never get back together because he could never trust me. I feel so heartbroken and hurt everywhere. I am also 17 weeks pregnant. All I wanted was for us to step up put our differences aside and be together and remind each other why we fell for each other in the first place. It seems like he has his mind made up and I’m wondering if it’s too late to do the NC or get your Ex-Boyfriend Recovery PRO. What do you recommend I should do? Do you think I have done enough and it’s a waste of time?

Angelina

August 28, 2015 at 4:30 am

Also, he mentioned he had a bad dream about me hating him and moving on to a new relationship. Then he switched to not caring and I’m a terrible person… I feel like he sends me a lot of mixed signals.
Angelina

August 28, 2015 at 3:57 am

I have! I’ve been trying to do the NC but he started to text me a lot and he wants to go to court for the baby…when it’s not born yet. He says I’m this terrible person and I’m not sure how to have him not think of me that way. I just tell him how I feel and it turns to me attacking him. Do you think I should block him on my phone to make the NC easier? Will he stop thinking that I’m a terrible person..? because I know I’m not.
Angelina

August 23, 2015 at 12:26 am

Also, I read your 7 sins Ex-girlfriend post and I’ve done basically every sin especially the fighting and begging and the texting. Is it too late for me? We’re both 19 and with my pregnancy you could only imagine how my emotions are. Everyone tells me he will come around but he has repeated over and over he doesn’t want to ever be with me I don’t think he will. Do you think I should keep trying and try the NC? or should I just give up?
Chris Seiter

August 25, 2015 at 5:58 pm

Yes keep trying no contact which means don’t respond to him at all unless it’s about the baby. Did you see the podcast on pregnancy and getting your ex back? It will be helpful to you.

Heather

August 21, 2015 at 12:31 am

My boyfriend broke up with me a week ago, saying we were too far apart when we weren’t together and that he was different around me compared to when he was with friends and that he couldn’t work with the relationship. We had been having problems with distance, and at times I felt like I didn’t fit into his life, but we’d spoken about it and he told me he’d do anything to make us work. The night before he ended things he was promising me the world, which he couldn’t provide because he was unemployed at the time. He was sobbing his heart out when he spoke to me (he broke up with me over the phone, he didn’t seem to have the guts to say anything to my face), and although I was so shocked and disappointed at what he was saying, I accepted it and said goodbye. I just don’t know what happened to change his mind so quickly. He never said anything about us not working ‘right now’ or anything along those lines, only that he was so sorry he couldn’t do it.

We haven’t spoken at all since, but his social media presence has gone up dramatically and he’s been out almost every night since he ended things with me. He’s got a new job, and he’s a member of a band which is doing extremely well and they’ve organised loads of gigs for the next few months. His life seems to have moved on incredibly quickly and it’s like he doesn’t have time to miss me. Meanwhile, I’m sat around crying all day because I miss him so much. Do you think he misses me at all? Is there any chance we could get back together? He still means the world to me, and I’m terrified that NC won’t work if he didn’t care enough to miss me at all. Friends think it’s simply a case of him not really knowing what he wants, but I wish he would regret ending things with me and want me back.
Kim

August 20, 2015 at 3:01 pm

Hi Chris,
I have a situation that isn’t normal. I’ll keep this short.
My ex and I were together for 6 years and we’ve broken up before off and on- longest time apart was a month. Last October he cheated on me with a female coworker. We both broke up with each other and then I wanted to try and make it work. He said give it a month to think things through. Well I did the work and we got back in the beginning of December. He insisted she was easy and just a rebound; he had been thinking of breaking up with me before we mutually broke up. Well fast forward to July of this year and he broke it off- saying he fell out of love and its over. I saw he immediately tried to hook up with the same woman from his work the day we broke up! He hasn’t reached out to me since and only responded to my remember when text once. I asked the name of a place we went to. No calls no texts and of course I made most of the deadly sins as in begging like a dog. I love him and would want nothing more than to be back with him. Chris, my question is, in this situation, is it worth it? He went back to the same rebound twice! He said to me he doesn’t want a relationship with her and that he doesn’t know what he wants. He is the type of guy to use a woman to fill the void so to speak. I guess I’m hoping I have a chance….
Thank you! Sincerely, Kim.
Jordan

August 20, 2015 at 2:10 am

Hi Chris,

My ex boyfriend and I have been on and off a couple of times for the past 2 years. We started dated again after we broke up last year. He actually broke up with the girl he’d been dating for a few months just so we could rekindle things, but I think we both felt like we rushed into things this time around so we decided to end things a couple of months ago. However, we got into a really bad fight about a month ago and our only contact since then was all business (for example: I left my watch at his place). Since then, I tried reaching out to him and his exact words were “I’m not trying to be mean but I’ve realized that being together brought drama into my life and we’ll never be anything again because of that.” I’ve started NC to give him time to cool down but the last time I did he didn’t reach out during NC period at all. He’s very stubborn and set in his ways, and everytime we break up, I always find myself being the one trying to mend fences and I always end up giving up and waiting for him to come to me. But this time I discovered your site and I not only want to get him back the right way but I also want to keep him. However, I guess I’m just worried that he will follow through with being done this time. So my question is how would you recommend me going about trying to get back my stubborn ex boyfriend and convincing him to trust me and have open and honest communication instead of being cold and uncompromising like he has been lately?
Joanna

August 19, 2015 at 1:04 pm

Mine left after 11 years together. I am not contacting him unless it is about his daughter or a vehicle he promised to pay on. I got the lets be friends speech. The I love you and don’t want to hurt you added into it. After only a week i found outhe is with someone he already knew. I have been nice and packed his stuff to have ready when he picks up his daughter but he keeps making excuses to not get the rest of his stuff. His friends and family said it is just a midlife crisis and he will be back . They went so far as to ask me if i would take him back. I said i couldn’t think about that i had to rebuild my life. He is still very nice to me. He said he needed more sex than i could give him. I feel like he is trying to keep me as a back up plan for just in case things don’t work out with this girl. I love him and would take him back but i don’t want to be a doormat. I don’t see him coming back and living my life like he is not. But am I wrong and his family and friends are right?
Denise

August 18, 2015 at 7:17 pm

One week ago, I had a heart to heart with my ex. He told me that he was 100% done. After acknowledging what I did and mistakenly telling him I would change because he is worth it, he said he doesn’t know how he will feel in the future but he’s not one to really change his mind. Then I asked for a chance in the future again and he said I can’t tell you yes now when I don’t know. Sex was amazing but its not all. No it was never about sex Ever!!! In your opinion, is there still a potential to get him back? should I waste my time?

Denise

September 7, 2015 at 11:59 pm

I wish I would have seen this a long time ago… I kept obsessively texting him and he blocked me from Facebook but not his phone. What now? Is there a way I can receive an email when you reply so that I can be sure to read it as soon as a response is posted? Thanks.
Chris Seiter

August 19, 2015 at 1:04 am

It was only a week ago, you have to give it alot of time. Read the article on no contact.

Elena

August 14, 2015 at 10:53 pm

We broke up after a year. When we had our face to face he doesn’t see it working in the long term. He also said that he is “devastated”, “maybe I’m making a mistake”, and parting words were “I’ll miss you too, baby”. Day 7 of NC. Radio silence on his end anyway. Lost 4 lbs because I haven’t had an appetite anyway, bought some new clothes on your recommendation too. I’m petrified to contact him after the 30 days. Does this man sound like he even knew what he was doing when we broke up? He says he “doesn’t know what he wants in a relationship and can’t figure it out while he is in one”.

Elena

September 4, 2015 at 7:56 pm

That was the plan. I think people can change. Thanks, and by the way your podcasts were great. Please more more!
Elena

August 21, 2015 at 7:22 pm

Unfortunately the no contact rule only lasted for me for 9 days. I contacted him to get some items back that I got from his apartment. We meet this week (he was very cordial) and he basically told me that my anxiety/reaction to things brings out his anxiety (something he has overcome through therapy years ago) and that he thinks he made the right decision. I definitely don’t think it’s right for me to contact after 30 days. Is this a no hope situation? He is having trouble sleeping too and is devastated by this just as I am. He’s throwing himself into his work, working 12 hour days now. I’m working to better myself in this time too. Do I even proceed?
Chris Seiter

September 1, 2015 at 9:14 pm

It is up to you how you want to handle it but if he’s saying your anxiety makes him react to things then you should give him some space. Work on that for yourself and when you talk again show him youve changed.
Chris Seiter

August 17, 2015 at 11:18 pm

The no contact will help him decide what he wants in a relationship. Why are you scared to contact him after the 30 days and what do you plan on saying? Remember that you have to take it slow so asking him back out right away is not feasible.

Rachel

August 11, 2015 at 4:07 pm

Hi Chris, I will keep it short I promise!
We broke up a year ago after some huge fights. NC worked and after two months we got back together and then broke up again, even worse than the first time. Four months after our second break up, he texted me happy birthday, love and happiness “from the bottom of his heart”-his words exactly (I was like “seriously dude?you gotta be kidding me”). Anyway, I felt I had to break NC to say at least thanks and so I did. That’s it. No contact whatsover for the next couple of months. I didn’t wish him for his birthday two weeks ago, but yesterday I had this stupid idea and my bf encouraged even more to do it.. So, i texted him a happy birthday etc. to make him think I forgot when his birthday was. I now think it was stupid of me to text him. I was hoping he would get a bit mad and correct me and perhaps we would talk a little. He hadn’t answer though. What do you think Chris?

Chris Seiter

August 19, 2015 at 2:50 pm

Why did you feel the need to break no contact on your birthday? If your in no contact you can’t respond or text him at all for it to work. Sounds like you could possibly get him back but you really have to work on the underlying issues so you don’t break up again.

Maggie

July 26, 2015 at 10:28 pm

Hi,

So every situation is different. I’m just really broken-hearted, confused, hurt, and not sure where to go from here. This is long. Not even sure any of this applies because I don’t know if we were ever actually dating. I met him last summer – we were both living and working away from our respective homes. We hung out for a good month toward the end of our summer and really connected. I was honest with him about where I was at – that I had been hurt by the last guy and that I just wasn’t in a good spot to be with someone. I told him I liked him and wanted to keep getting to know him, but I just needed some time before jumping into anything with anyone. He took it really well and was very sweet to me. He told me he thought I was an awesome person and he wanted the chance to date me someday. We both moved home (different states) in the fall and both had intentions to go back for the winter and I promised him the chance to get to know me better when we returned. We kept in touch pretty regularly via Facebook and only had one little miscommunication (which I now question), which I thought we resolved. I began to question if that was going to be the best place for me and had a good opportunity lined up at home, so I told him I was thinking about staying. He seemed to begin to change his mind too, which I didn’t know how to take…I thought it was sweet and I was flattered because it seemed like his decision to go was based on me, but even though I truly wanted to keep getting to know him, I didn’t want him to make that decision based on me. He kept asking me what I thought he should do and I told him I didn’t know…that he should do whatever was going to make him the happiest. He suggested if he didn’t go back that I should come visit. I said that would be fun.

Neither of us ended up going back and he began looking at moving to another state permanently. He had asked my opinion about it prior and knew it was somewhere I have always considered living. He kept talking about how it would be a fresh start for me, which he realized I needed as much as I realized it. I entertained the idea on my own and figured it to be a possibility if we were going to make something work long-term. It’s somewhere I’ve always kept tabs on – but I had never visited – and I knew it would be somewhere good for me in all aspects of my life and I thought maybe this was just the push I needed to make the leap.

He ended up taking a job there (never having visited) and moved at the beginning of the year. By then we had exchanged numbers and he kept saying he wanted to call and talk but he never actually picked up the phone and kept using Facebook as our means of communicating. He missed my birthday at the end of the year, which is what it is, but he never did acknowledge it and I never brought it up. He was actually really rude and ignored me at Christmas – he didn’t even respond to my Merry Christmas message! – but later apologized after I didn’t respond right away. I told him how I felt about it and he acknowledged that it was selfish. I didn’t want to make a big deal about it, but maybe I forgave him too quickly.

I sent him a really sweet message for his first day of work and we finally spoke on the phone that week. Things were going well and we began talking on the phone at least once a week for at least an hour – and neither of us have ever been big phone talkers – and communication just picked up in general. We both were opening up more. I shared some pretty big dreams with him (even though he already knew some) that I haven’t shared with anyone really and he knew that was a pretty big deal to me. He seemed to be liking his job and was open about having some anxiety with having moved there and always said talking to me put him at ease (he has since acknowledged that he was lonely at times and now I feel like he was using me). He suggested we find a time for me to come visit, so we started doing just that. I told him I just didn’t want to rush things and he said he wasn’t trying to. I was nervous because it was actually really similar to the last situation I had been in – it was long distance too and another girl entered the picture – and I had a lot of nerves to calm, but I trusted he was different and went for it. He offered to pay for my flight but I didn’t want him to. He said we could take things slow and I acknowledged and thanked him for being patient to that point. He did push a little when I was there, but didn’t seem frustrated.

We had a fun time together…it wasn’t perfect, but we had fun. He had asked me at one point toward the end of my stay if I thought he did good by moving there (as in would I be happy there) and I nodded and said more importantly, “are you happy here?”. I’m wise enough to know that he needs to be happy on his own before I move for him. He talked about how I would like his mom and alluded to us having a future together more than once. The trip wasn’t without a hiccup, though. There were some uncomfortable moments and just a lot of nerves, in general, but I knew that stuff would dissipate with time and trust and comfort and communication. For the sake of clarity, I asked what we were as we were snuggling one last time before we had to leave for the airport. He asked me if I wanted to date him and I said yes, if he wanted that. He suggested we make a plan that week to see each other again and I agreed and said I’d start working on it with my boss to figure out some time off. And suddenly he began to pull away. He said he needed some time to process everything and he looked me in the eye and said he wasn’t looking to date anyone else, but he just needed a day or two to think. The guy who kept saying he wanted to date me was suddenly on the fence. My heart sank. The whole car ride to the airport was awkward silence and I was trying not to cry or show that I was hurting, but I am really bad at that and I felt like it was all falling apart before it even had a chance to get off the ground. He told me he just needed a day or two to think and that it was a lot to take in. We exchanged a few brief texts and I texted him when I got home the next morning. I was pretty cold to his texts back because they just didn’t feel sincere at that point and I got scared and I was really tired and emotional. He said we’d talk that night. We did. It was super later when he called and I had actually already been sleeping, but he said he decided he just wanted to be friends. We’re different people. He didn’t think I was ready to be in a long-term, committed relationship. I cried. I called back. I tried sending some friendly texts in the next few days and he responded politely. And then I poured everything out in a message. He responded. We clearly had a ton of misunderstandings and things that I didn’t realize were building up against us after reading his message. Assumptions were made based on hesitations and lack of understanding (I had questions about him too, but didn’t let my presumptive thoughts to guide my decisions before I asked the necessary questions). I responded with honesty and openness. His response was brief. I made every mistake in the book after a break-up (if this even was) to that point and them some after that, but I couldn’t not be open about things to get the truth out there. He replied once and said we could talk the next day and then we never did. I found out later that his ex-girlfriend came to visit him that weekend. She did call while I was there but I didn’t think anything of it because I trusted him with it. He made a few minutes to talk to me one day after I sent another long message the following week (he doesn’t know I know she was there, but like I said, every mistake) and said he knows what he wants and we should both just move on with our lives. I am pretty sure they got back together and they are either still together or he broke it off recently with her and he is with this new girl, whose pictures he is always liking on Facebook (presumably to make me jealous) and whose birthday party he made it publicly known he is going to. He never “liked” anything of mine, but did want to tag me in photos (and I would have let him after I was home if we were actually together, but now I wonder if it would have been to make his ex jealous or if he would have hid them from her). He was very secretive about his ex (actually has since hid a lot of old photos that I had previously seen and made it so I can’t see anything on his timeline – yes, I checked) and never liked any of her public stuff, but now he is suddenly not so secretive with this other girl.

Anyway, I haven’t been in contact with him for 4 months…just came across your page recently. I did make a comment about how rare quality people are with a photo I posted with my dad for his retirement 2 months ago…so maybe that wasn’t the best idea…it really was more about my dad because he’s a great guy and he was going through a lot and the place he worked wasn’t treating him right, but yes, it was partly directed at this guy I once thought was such a great guy. I debated texting him for his birthday to show him that I have a good heart and I don’t need Facebook to remind me, but decided he didn’t deserve it after never being able to acknowledge that my birthday even happened. He blocked me from seeing every birthday post too. Is a guy like that just mad at himself at how he treated me and too stubborn and too full of pride or did his mask completely fall off? He does have some insecurities and his confidence does seem to be more affected by being “shot down” by girls than most guys I know. I tried to make it known to him that he wasn’t getting “shot down” initially just because I needed time and just because I didn’t want to rush things. And that I was interested in getting to know him. He was really special to me and told me it’s pretty rare to meet someone like me, that I made his year, and that I was worth waiting for. He told me I brought out the best in him…and I saw some of that. So why do I now only get to see the worst of him?

I’d like to get to a point where he will meet me somewhere in person. If nothing else, to talk through everything and get closure. Do guys even have it in them to talk through everything…every question that was ever asked, every doubt clarified, every answer that was never given, everything that was never said (on both sides)? I’ve thought about texting him, but I don’t want to look like I need him because I chose him. I needed him to stand by me, but I sure didn’t need to get back into another relationship, especially one with someone who lacks the humility and compassion that I really thought he had. I’ve struggled with drying up the tears, but I am pursuing one of my dreams (one that he knows about) and it makes me happy because it’s in my heart but sad because it reminds me of him. There have been so many things I have wanted to tell him about and talk to him about but he hasn’t been there and I’m not sure he deserves to know the good stuff I have been doing. I kinda went on a date just happenstance…just grabbed dinner after a fun day hanging out at the lake with a guy who I thought was cute, got along well with, and had a great sense of humor, but showed some of his same bad qualities. He ignored my well wishes one day so I snubbed him and I was on a trip of a lifetime so I didn’t want to think about that crap. I gave him a polite response a few days later and haven’t heard from him since and that’s ok. There was no investment in him or time to build any sort of strong feelings. But I don’t know what to do. No contact for 4 months. He’s clearly interested in moving on. Even if the ex was his way of rebounding, this new girl seems a lot like me…like he has found my replacement. Props if you read this whole thing.
jacquie

July 21, 2015 at 5:25 pm

I have read everything you wrote and listened to your poadcast. I am in a pretty messed up situation or rather I am just out of a messed up situation. I met this guy and we started a LDR, he moved to Amsterdam for work (he is 28) and I had to stay in Paris for college (I am 20). everything worked out great, we were happy and communicating everyday. I was pretty open about my past but he was shaddy. (fast forward) I visited him to spend a week together, everything went well until I started having questions about our Relationship like “what are we?”; “where do you see us?”, “when was your last Relationship?” to all those questions he replied that he could not say he loved me but he cared deeply, he said something about rekindling our love when I am 45 (which was weird to me). he also said that his ex gf and him broke up six months prior. i was not satisfied with the answers so I snooped and found out they were still in contact and they stayed together for years but the distance (she is a columbian) broke them apart. he called her the love of his life. after I come home I told him about her and gave him a choice : either me or her but he can’t have it both. after a few weeks he dumps me because of me going on a foreign exchage program in Atlanta, that LDR with the ex has disappointed him…but I felt that there is more to the story, so after a 40 NC, I sent him a message which he replied to, fought a lot, flirted and then he went back to the silent mode, I then told him I needed some kind of closure and asked him to pick out of multiple choices how he felt and what he should say (which to me is the truth) : why didn’t he fight for us? i there any chance for us to get back together or this option is closed? or he could even say: thanks for everything, or we had great intimate nights but that was it really.
He chose “thanks for everything” which is fine to me.
now I want to know if there’s hope for us in the future? what do you think of that soap opera mess? can you light me about his behavior? i am confused (like I said we never argued, always had fun, talked about the future, everyhing felt super natural and easy).
if us is not possible, how can i go through this feeling of being used? how to trust and love again?
Anonymous

July 18, 2015 at 2:28 am

Chris, I have been reading your pages for a while now and they are really helpful it is actually helping me get through each day. The confusing part is that so many different of these categories/topics relate to my situation and I don’t know what to think is right.
Me and my ex boyfriend were together for 5 years, we did break up one other time (he broke up with me because he said he felt it was better for me since he was always so busy), and we texted everyday after the break up for 6 months until we got back together. Since then 2 and a half years later we were doing just fine….or so I thought. A week ago we sat down and he broke up with me saying it wasn’t my fault but he wished I was different. We cried together and he said he wasn’t there to breakup with me, but later that day he said it was over through text. The next day he texted me saying he was sorry and then changed his excuse to he didn’t have any feelings for me anymore that he couldn’t keep pretending everything was alright between us and that he couldn’t see us lasting a long term relationship (even though we always use to talk about or future together, and we never fought at all). We still text almost everyday because we both agreed we didn’t want each other out of our lives. I was already better to where I could see him, but he said he wasn’t ready and doesn’t know if we will be able to hang out in the future as friends….yet he still texts me everyday. I even asked him if he wanted me to stop texting him but he said no. Does he still have feelings for me, or does he just feel bad for me?
Also I believe he has already moved on and is talking to another girl after not even a week, but why does he still text me? (Even though the conversations are boring sometimes and I feel I have to start up conversations but he will sometimes text me first) please help me understand what you think of this situation
I hope he still has feelings for me because how can he get over us so fast and moved on? Is it a rebound relationship or has he just officially moved on that fast? I really want him back but he keeps making it seem like it will never happen in the future Please help!
Feeling shocked

July 16, 2015 at 7:56 pm

Is saying something like “I can’t give you 100%, only 10% of the time” and that “if the stars align in the future maybe we could try again” the same thing? This was his reasoning (if its even a reason) for breaking up…is this just a cop out or was he never interested in the first place?

It was a short long distance thing, that moved really quickly. He made every effort to see me when he was able to about once a month for 4 months only to say the above. What makes someone worth the effort one day and then not the next?

I’ve been doing the no contact bit for 16 days…
Linda

July 12, 2015 at 8:17 pm

Hey Chris!
I’m going to make this short. He and I broke up 3 times. The first two don’t really count since we got back together in 24hrs. However, a consistent issue we’ve had is constant fighting + my insecurities. I knew they were issues but he was always so patient so I never realize how much it was affecting him until now. I won’t give useless details as to what happened to make this as summarized as possible. I did every mistake possible. In a moderate amount. But I still made them. We broke up while we were in a fight. I tried to talk to him about getting back together and he said he had to think about it. We cried, we talked about our memories and I told him about how desperately I wanted to be with him. He told me I couldn’t just decide when I wanted to “try” & that he couldn’t just drop everything the moment I realize what I’m doing wrong. Of course he’s right. But I tried to show him that I was serious. I wrote him a letter and that didnt work either. After 1 month I asked him 1 more time, do you want me to move on? He nodded. And so I took my stuff and went home. I know I probably annoyed him to the point I lowered my chances. During our relationship he bought concert tickets for us. Due to our break up he decided to give them to me. After that last conversation I asked about the tickets and he would reply coldly, or not engage in the conversation. When he finally got the tickets, I went to get them at his house. He didn’t invite me in, he stepped outside and was being unbelievably cold. Long story short, he offered to drive me home because the buses weren’t passing and the whole car ride felt uncomfortable for him. Since then, I have been doing NC. I went on a trip and etc, it has been exactly 1 month since we have seen or spoken. I am feeling a little hopeless. Almost like he hates me. I don’t know if I should give up. I really dont want to but I am scared. I have been going to therapy ever since the break up to try and deal with my insecurities. I know I have gotten a lot better and I want him to see that. What should I do?
Kaylee

July 10, 2015 at 3:05 pm

The cliché…the one that got away…
Chris please help… I have had my share of terrible relationships. Never even getting a chance to go anywhere. I’m not sure what keeps going wrong. By friends tell me I’m too nice to the guys. They even make comments that: ” I wish my girlfriend/ wife would do that.” I mean come on, even my friends think I’m a catch! The guys were always “not ready” for a serious relationship. But I FINALLY found the guy for me. We got along great. Always laughing, smiling, joking, talking, etc. He had me come out to meet his friends, they said they loved me. He was engaged to a girl of 5yrs but she ended up ending things with him. So I think he could be hurt from that stills it was about 2yrs ago. Out of the blue he just said he had been thinking about us & thought we had strong chemistry but nothing else to offer. I’m crushed. It’s been over 6 weeks since it happened. I did the no contact & reached out by telling him about a martial arts class that I have been getting into b/c I know he is in the arts as well & figured it would be a good way to peak his interest. Alas.. Nothing. I waited a week then said something witty/funny about shooting off fireworks b/c I know he loves to do that. Again, nothing… I’m not sure what else to say to him. I really felt a connection with him. But he kept insisting during the breakup that he just had some gut-feeling. But he probably had a gut-feeling he was gonna marry that girl that he was engaged to, that’s why I think it’s such crap; an excuse. I’m not sure what to do. Should I try a 3rd time to reach out. We’re still FB friends & it doesn’t appear as though he’s wth anyone else. Please help, I really feel like he IS the ONE that got away. He had such a light & energy about him that just drew me in & I always thought he was falling for me as well. I’ve listened to your podcast & read your work. I’m trying to do all the steps & I’m failing horribly. Thank you for any help.

Kaylee

August 14, 2015 at 2:54 pm

Hey Chris. I’m failing because I tried the steps in getting him back & they didn’t work. It is now 11 weeks after he broke it off with me. I’ve reached out 4 different times with texts. (All positive, reminding of good times, or remembering fun things) So basically there is nothing left to do. I don’t really believe every girl has the power to get her ex back. They broke up with you for a reason. I mean honestly if things were shifted, if I had one of my ex contact me after a month of not talking I would think wth? This is weird! Or having them contract me even 11 weeks down. I would think ugh this dude is creepy & obsesive! Like that’s how I feel I’m coming off if I send him anything. He’s probably thinking God I’ve moved on months ago & she’s still pining for me? What a crazy pathetic woman. So basically, yeah I failed. I tried your advice & it didn’t work. I hate to fall into that category of it not working but alas I do. Now I KNOW you didn’t guarantee results! I just still miss him like crazy. I can’t even go on dates with other guys without thinking about him. But thanks to all your advice. I hope you’re still able to help some women out there.
Chris Seiter

August 25, 2015 at 9:36 pm

It takes on average 3-6 months for people to get back with their exes. There’s no quick fix here. Try going into no contact again for a couple of weeks and try again with a more neutral text.
Chris Seiter

July 16, 2015 at 10:20 pm

Where are you failing?

Lets see if we can help you.

Hopeless

July 4, 2015 at 10:51 am

Hi Chris.
I’m in a bit of a situation. My boyfriends dad died a few months back. At first he wanted me around all the time, but it got to a point where I would want to see him and he was working 60 hours a week and dealing with all his dads stuff. He told me he couldn’t be a good boyfriend and that we should ‘just be friends for now’. It was difficult to accept, but we stopped seeing each other, still texting occasionally. I asked him a few times what was going on with us, which I shouldn’t have done. He kept saying things like, ‘I don’t have those feelings right now’, ‘it’s not that I don’t want it to work, I just don’t think it can’ etc. I thought we were going to be okay when I asked to meet up and he offered to take me for lunch, but I saw him at work and got upset. He was immediately defensive, telling his friends he didn’t want to see me. I went away for a week, he said to tell him I was there safe, we text a few times but I bought it up again. I told him we could rebuild something when we were both in better places. He said ‘maybe one day, but not right now.’ And I said I know not right now. The conversation ended up getting more in-depth, he eventually came out with all this stuff, and told me ‘my mind is made up, for now it won’t change.’ ‘For now’. He said I didn’t respect his feelings or anything he said, and told me to ‘move on from us’ and that he couldn’t see it repairing now. He also told me he didn’t want to be in a relationship with anyone right now. In a few hours, he’d gone from ‘not right now’ to ‘move on from us’. I found out that he’d started seeing someone from work about 4 days after this conversation. I haven’t asked him anything about this other girl. I’m at a complete loss. This was 3 weeks ago, I haven’t gone completely NC yet, he still talks to me but very cold, I always initiate. Any advice would be appreciated. Is it a hopeless situation?

Chris Seiter

July 8, 2015 at 11:59 pm

I think he is reeling from the loss of his father to be honest.

I would go NC though.

C

July 1, 2015 at 7:49 pm

Hi Chris, please please help me.

My bf of nearly 3 years broke up with me a month ago. He and I go to the same university and are from the same hometown. This past semester I had been dealing with some depression and it caused me to be insecure and jealous. When summer came, I saw him once after spring semester ended before he was to leave for two months on a trip and summerseasion and we had a small fight and he said when he got back from his trip and from summer session we would work everything out and be okay. On his trip my depression got worse and I kept bugging him. We had two little scuffles but I didn’t think it was a big deal. One night he was telling me how much he missed me and loved me and all the things he got me from his trip and the next day we get into a scuffle and he breaks up with me… Over the phone. He wouldn’t even look me in the face over Skype of FaceTime and break up with me, and I begged him to just FaceTime me to just talk to me please. I became desperate, my depression made me so unhappy and I wasn’t being myself when he broke up with me, I chugged a bottle of wine and blacked out and realized the next day I tried to FaceTime him and call him again and again and again like an idiot. He told me he needed space and maybe somewhere down the road we could talk. Then ten days later (I tried NC but failed because of my guilt) I sent him a long apology letter and told him I want him to be happy and I understood why he broke up with me and respect it and even though I miss him and I didn’t want to be broken up I’m not going to beg for him back and I want him to do what makes him happy. This time he responded and said he cared, the break up was hard on him, but he doesn’t see us getting back together. I didn’t respond. I unfollowed him on Instagram and blocked him on snapchat, but he still follows me on Instagram and is my friend on Facebook. To make things even worse his entire family still interacts with me on Facebook… Like they don’t know he broke up with me maybe? It’s so difficult. It’s been about a month since I’ve spoken with him, and he’s back home now. Should I still try to contact him when NC is over or have I ruined our relationship with my depression and clinginess? I have been getting therapy and have been seeing people and talking with friends and trying to be happy. I feel much better. Should I even try at all or do you think he means what he says? Please respond…
C

July 1, 2015 at 7:46 pm

Hi Chris, please please help me.

My bf of nearly 3 years broke up with me a month ago. He and I go to the same university and are from the same hometown. This past semester I had been dealing with some depression and it caused me to be insecure and jealous. When summer came, I saw him once after spring semester ended before he was to leave for two months on a trip and summerseasion and we had a small fight and he said when he got back from his trip and from summer session we would work everything out and be okay. On his trip my depression got worse and I kept bugging him. We had two little scuffles but I didn’t think it was a big deal. One night he was telling me how much he missed me and loved me and all the things he got me from his trip and the next day we get into a scuffle and he breaks up with me… Over the phone. He wouldn’t even look me in the face over Skype of facetime and break up with me, and I begged him to just facetime me. I became desperate, my depression made me so unhappy, I chugged a bottle of wine and blacked out and realized the next day I tried to facetime him and call him again and again and again like an idiot. He told me he needed space and maybe somewhere down the road we could talk. Then ten days later (I tried NC but failed) I sent him a long apology letter and told him I want him to be happy and I understood why he broke up with me and respect it and even though I miss him I want him to do what makes him happy. This time he respondedd and said he cared, the break up was hard on him, but he doesn’t see us getting back together. I didn’t respond. I unfollowed him on Instagram and blocked him on snapchat, but he still follows me on Instagram and is my friend on Facebook. To make things even worse his entire family still interacts with me on Facebook… It’s so difficult. It’s been about a month since I’ve spoken with him, and he’s back home now. Should I still try to contact him when NC is over or have I tuined our relationship with my depression? I have been getting therapy and have been seeing people and talking with friends and trying to be happy. I feel much better. Should I even try at all or do you think he means ehat he says? Please respond…

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