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The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup
The Ungettable Girl
The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)
The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule
The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means
Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Blocks You
Signs My Ex Wants Me Back
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An Avoidant Will Feel Instant Regret If You Do This
Signs An Avoidant Is Hiding Deep Feelings For You
Why Avoidants Say Things That Don’t Make Sense
The Weird Things Avoidants Do When They Like You
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Joana
December 22, 2014 at 9:39 pm
Hey Chris, I know you are extremely busy replying to everyone, trying to keep up with many cases, writing and having a life, basically, but i sent you an email on the 7th, could you please reply? I need your help, i’m kinda lost here. I don’t mean to sound rude, but feeling helpless as i do, the waiting for your reply is making me feel worse. Thank you in advance for your attention, i’m hoping to hear from you soon.
admin
December 23, 2014 at 3:12 pm
Do you mind resending it?
Joana
December 24, 2014 at 1:24 pm
Done. 🙂
have a merry christmas, and i wish you the best with beautiful Jennifer 🙂
admin
December 29, 2014 at 2:30 pm
Thank you!
We had an AWESOME Christmas.
Joana
January 4, 2015 at 1:38 pm
Hey Chris, I’m glad you had an awesome Christmas 🙂
Unfortunately i’m still waiting for your response, is there something wrong?
Have a happy new year 🙂
admin
January 5, 2015 at 3:03 pm
Sorry, just took some time off.
jenne
December 16, 2014 at 12:28 am
My BF broke up with me and I played it totally chill even though I was pretty sad. I texted him a while ago, it was brief and to the point. He goes to a diff school than me and is now dating one o my old friends. Is there anything I can post or text him that might make him a little sad? Not that im that “mean ex” but why not have a little fun, right?
btw, I really love this website haha ive probably spent too much time on here already!!!
Priya
December 10, 2014 at 3:28 am
My bf of 2 years broke up with me recently. I’m devastated. We are both in stressful graduate programs and he has the added stress of family issues. He said he saw himself marrying me but that he was stressed and he didn’t want to lean on me(he grew emotionally distant). He did/said this once before and two or three days later he contacted me to comfort him and we got back together that same day. If he attempts to follow this pattern again, should I ignore him? Should I make allowances since he is going through a tough time? Should I make him wait longer this time to prevent this from occurring again? Ultimately, I do love him and want to be with him.
Sydney
December 10, 2014 at 2:46 am
Hi, my bf and me were dating for 3 months, texting non stop, snapping, and other stuff we we’re unseperatedable, during school hed walk me to class and we’d do everything together. Me and him were like magnets.Then for four days I haven’t got anything from him this was like 2 months in and he had pneumonia and was in the hospital, he didn’t tell me till after words.. After that he realy wasn’t texting me or anything… And when I’d see him at school he’d act normal.. But then there were days were he would be snapping other people and he wouldn’t open mine… Or he wouldn’t awnser my texts… So then like 2 days after out 3rd month he didn’t see me till the period I had him in.. Which is see him before evey period… Now I don’t see him till my 6th period class! So that day when I saw him he explained to me.. How we don’t talk like we ust to.. And of how our convos arnt long and stuff.. And he said he didn’t wanna hurt me and how I was a sweet, awesome girl. And how he really really really likes me still… And I had nothing to say that day and we agreed on a time off from our relationship which he also agreed we’d still be friends.. Which he doesn’t talk or any thing to me.. I feel like I don’t even know him anymore.. And I here from my friends how he first was like depressed in classes then he came alive after a few days now he’s like better u can say and talking o people.. later I confronted him and I told him like we’re are we! We don’t talk, text, or anything with us.. And he said I know and he was just barly talking to me too.. And I even told him of how he was saying about our convos I told him how can we talk if u don’t awnser me and he’s like ️ya I know and I’m sorry.. and he was keeping more feeling in and I got some to come out.. Both of his parents are divorced and there fighting for full custody of him and he said if his dad wins he’s gotta live with him and he said if his mom wins he’s gotta move to Colorado which he said that’s why he’s been down and not talking and why he didn’t wanna get any more serious with me cause ️ya… After I thought about it it made no sence cause usually when u think about it most ppl even if it was happening to me id spend every moment with them… And he said he didn’t wanna get serious with me cause of that and he said he’d rather dinner then later!! And yea after this we both agreed to the breakup and which we weren’t happy with but agreed to it.. Which I regret to but I hope for the best I miss him terribly and have my days were im good and just terrible days… And I just wonder if he misses me.. Or our memories.. Cause I know I do… And we don’t even talk anymore… But I see he’s been talking to other girls… And I don’t know anymore.. I’d love to be with him again just I don’t know what would happen or his next exuste to be to break my heart again… And I just don’t know what he wants or anything.. Or if he feels the same… And thanks for listening!
yena
December 9, 2014 at 4:06 am
Hello…m in great trouble…me nd my bf were in relationship from 5years…we both were in long distance relarionship..nd starting we meet only 1time in year..we were together from june 2013..nd we met every day…but suddenly through accident i became disabled..my bf knew it very well..i was not able to bear all this..i was very sad..because of my life changed…i cried many times infront of my bf..he motivated me..not to cry like this..be strong..suddenly..new things got happen in my life..he block me from everywhere from whatsapp fb..all..he told me that..he will never marry me..because his parents will not agree..his brother had love marraige
.but that girl left him…beacause of some issues..nd now..he is going to take
divorse..with that girl…his brother is drugist..nd everythng is not good in his family…in march..my bf told me to give him sometime to think..he blocked me…at that time..u was ill..nd only i wanted his support in my life..beacuse i was i pain…bt he never called me..he hardly rply me once when i message him 100times…nd in october he tell me he never love me anymore..he will marry with his parents choice..nd also his parents find a girl for him..he told me to forget him..he will never come back to me..whatever i do..he is telling that..plz help me..plz plz..m dying..nd sorry..my english is poor..
admin
December 9, 2014 at 1:34 pm
Did you read the LDR guide?
Jorxan
December 9, 2014 at 2:27 am
I was with a guy for about a year and a half but he would always go back and forth every couple months about if he wanted to be together or not and he’d leave me waiting for him to make up his mind and he would always decide to stay together. But during those times he wouldn’t know what he wanted he would talk to other girls and I would find out about it later and flip out and he’d start crying and begging me not to leave him and I wouldnt. But in July he broke up with me and it was really hard, he’s not my first serious relationship but I’m his. I would ignore him and hang out with other guys and I hung out with my ex boyfriend before this one one night and something happened with us. Then I saw that my recent ex boyfriend was in the hospital so I texted him and said hope you’re okay and he started to talk to me then and then he decided he wanted to get back together about a month after he broke up with me. He was saying how much he missed me and how much he messed up by talking to those other girls. He asked me if I slept with my ex and I told him no because I know he wouldn’t get back together with me. But about a month ago he asked me again and I told him the truth and he completely freaked out. He told me he would be able to move passed it though but about a week ago he ended things again and said that he’s not able to get over what I did and that we can’t keep fighting like we were and getting on each others nerves. Well since we’ve been broken up, and it’s only been a week or so, he’s been texting me everyday or favoriting my tweets on Twitter. He’ll text me about me tweets because he thinks they’re about my ex. He’ll always text me and tell me I’m better than that to be hanging out with him and stuff like that but today I asked why he was so interested in my life now and he said because I would ignore him and he’d try to talk to me and stuff like that but I didn’t understand why he was still texting me and everything after he broke up with me? What should I do to get him back because I still do want to be with him and I still do love him.
Ella
December 8, 2014 at 9:44 pm
I went out with my boyfriend for about 5 months. In the very beginning he gave me disclaimers. He told me that he will be very busy in the future (which is now). He also said he doesn’t believe in titles because he doesn’t want me to expect things from him. So he said we r dating “exclusively”. I met his friends his sister. His friends knew he was dating me and I had a feeling that he likes to take me out with his friends because they think I’m hot/pretty. But I don’t think that I’m that hot. So everything was AMAZING until 3 months later, he became cold to me because of work transition and stuffs. To be honest, I don’t really know why but obviously he was less interested in me. In the first three months, he brought me to places and he made time to take me on vacation. No one has ever done that for me before. I told myself not to fall for this guy but I couldn’t control my feeling. So I did. Then last month he went back to his country for 2 weeks. Before he came back to NYC, he told me he couldn’t see me for a week after he gets back. I was very disappointed because I wasnt the first person that he wants to see when he is back but I didn’t tell him. He didn’t call or FaceTime me after he was back. Then two days before I told him to call me because I miss him and I want to hear his voice. We were talking and he told me he is really busy with work. He said he put family and work before me. And he doesn’t have time for me. I didn’t really force him to see me or even ask him to see me but he said he felt guilty when he doesn’t see me. He doesn’t want to commit because he doesn’t want to be control by his emotions. He wants to have a career before he has a relationship. We were just talking and he brought it up that since he can’t see us going further, we should break up because it is the wrong timing of his life. But at the same time, he kept telling me that he misses me and he really likes me. I don’t know if that is his excuse. I did not disagree to his breakup because I feel like if he doesn’t want to contribute to this, I cannot go on alone. Now I really like this guy and maybe at one point I loved him but he told me I shouldn’t and I should concentrate on my school work( college). I don’t really know what to do. I also kept a diary about him telling all my feelings about our relationship ever since we started dating. Every time when I miss him or wanted to express my sad feelings, I didn’t go to him, I just wrote in my diary. The first 3 months were sweet and it started to become bitter and sour when he became cold to me. That breakup night we talked for the first two hours and I cried to him for 1 hour. It was also the longest talk that we ever had. He didn’t hang up because he said he was waiting for me to feel a little better. He told me we are still friends and I shouldn’t be sad because we can still see each other. After I hung up the phone he texted me a lot trying to comfort me. I sent him my diary via email. And the next day he realized how much he hurt me. He texted me a lot and I told him not to be sorry. To be honest, I don’t know why we broke up. I told him that if he doesn’t like me anymore, then we should breakup but he kept on telling me he likes me. So I like him and he likes me. I really wanted to see him last night therefore I asked him out but he had to work. So I wanted to end the conversation but he kept on going. I’m not sure if I want him back but I know I’ll be happy if we can continue what we had. I don’t know what to do anymore… But all I know is I really like him and if we could, I really want to be with him. He made me really happy over the summer and I miss it. But I don’t want to ask him back because I’m afraid to hear his rejection. And what if he says yes?… I’m really confused…
admin
December 9, 2014 at 1:23 pm
Well, he did give you those disclaimers.
Have you attempted NC yet?
vanillasky
December 8, 2014 at 3:24 pm
hi chris,
i have a question other than my personal situation. You always say that if an ex bf does not contact us while on NC it shows that he is being stubborn. But isn’t there a case where he broke up with the girl and doesn’t care about her, so he won’t contact her ever again. Won’t men ever get done with the relationship for good. If that’s the case, it makes us seem desperate to contact them again and feeds their ego, wouldn’t it?
admin
December 9, 2014 at 1:15 pm
Read this article:
https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/what-if-he-doesnt-contact-you-during-no-contact/
Victoria
December 5, 2014 at 3:09 am
I broke off with my ex early April this year. But due to us staying together he needs time to sort out and move out. During these times, he try to convince me to get back to him but of course i stick to my decision. The main reason for not getting back together is because even it hurts me very badly to breakup with him, i caught him flirting and spending most of his time with his girl colleague 2 years ago. I did not know how far the relationship went but there is definately something going on. On 1st December 2014, he finally moved. Before he leave, he left a note saying he will always love me regardless the distance. But he hasn’t text me at all since then. And to make it worst, I found out that he has been texting this hot girl every now and then and calling her all dear and all. I can be totally fine 1 minute and crumple into pieces in another. I always believe when a guy truely loves a woman, they will not cheat or do anything to hurt the woman. Am i right to say so?
All my friends are telling me he is a jerk but sometimes the matter of the heart is so hard to control. I can’t just say Stop loving him and my hearts stop loving him.
I just curious did he even think of me at all. Did he even miss me? Is he faking to be nice to me just to keep me as a backup in case things don’t work out with this new person? What would your point of view on this?
admin
December 8, 2014 at 12:41 pm
I agree, if a man loves a woman they won’t cheat or do anything that hurts the woman too much (every one gets hurt every once in a while since we as humans are pretty fragile creatures.)
I am sure he thinks of you.
Unfortunately, he may be being nice to you for that reason but it’s 50/50. Maybe he is just a nice person.
Victoria
December 9, 2014 at 3:32 am
Thank You for your reply. I dreamt about him yesterday. I dream he came back and we went supper like before he moved. I woke up in shock cause it looks so real and i thought it is real. Just to wake up in dissapointment. I really miss him a lot but I think its all 1 sided. I just doesn’t like to feel being abandoned and be forgotten so easily. I think its time for me to pick myself and move on. Hopefully i will find someone that is worth it.
Thank You 🙂
kk
December 5, 2014 at 2:56 am
After the break up we didn’t contact each other at all. We didn’t break up peacefully but I guess both of us were exhausted. After three months, he called me once to chat upon trivial things for ard half an hour. He did say ‘find me when you are free’ by the end but I didn’t. After all we didn’t contact each other again. I still love him but I’m afraid. I’ve heard that he had a girlfriend very soon after our breakup but I’m not sure about that. Can you give me some advice? x
admin
December 8, 2014 at 12:38 pm
Did you ever do the no contact rule I recommended on this site?
donna
December 5, 2014 at 12:51 am
Me and my ex have been broken up for almost 2 months in that time he has called me twice on his own and text back two the happy birthday text. phone call conversation consisted of he asked how I was doing what I’ve been up to and I said I was good the same old thing and I asked how he was doing he said he was Sick. I said hope you feel better. yes I still have those stuff I said yes he said good because you started to talk to this girl that he was talking to towards the end of our relationship and they lasted about a month and he said that he’s done talking with Aries done messing with her she said that if she tries to come up to my apartment to ask for his stuff back tell her no I said okay and I hope you feel better he says I’ll call you tomorrow so we can talk but he never called and then when I text him happy birthday he said thanks babe with a 🙂 not sure what is going on in his mind I do miss them I just don’t know what to do I guess
admin
December 8, 2014 at 12:33 pm
KHave you engaged him further than just the happy birthday text that you shouldn’t have sent if you were in nc haha?
Terry
December 3, 2014 at 11:24 pm
I need a brutally honest response please. I’ve been here before. Went thru the 30 days no contact and then slowly me n the ex began talking again. While we didn’t make things official, we were hanging around each other’s families, taking trips overseas, attending work functions together etc. We were very much a couple. This happened for 9 months. Now after seeing a photo of him with a woman and questioning him, he tells me he met someone 2 months ago and they are now in a physical relationship. She even sleeps over. He said he didn’t plan it, it just happened but he doesn’t want to lose me from his life. Even though he is sleeping with her, he is still making plans with me. He said he just isn’t ready to settle down right now and that I am pressuring him to do such. Will a longer NC period work or should I just forget about him completely?
I hope u or anyone can help me with my dilemma. Thanks
admin
December 4, 2014 at 2:09 am
I think he is a scumbag who used you.
NC can be effective but he needs a total personality change or paradigm shift to commit to you long term.
That’s as brutally honest as I can be.
Terry
December 4, 2014 at 8:55 pm
Thank you very much. I appreciate your honesty.
Terry
December 3, 2014 at 11:30 pm
Oh…In this 9 since we started talking again I never once pressured him to be more. I figured we would eventually get there as things were going so well. The first intense conversation we had was the one about the photo when the truth finally came out which totally blindsided me. I honestly did not see that coming due to how good I perceived things to be.
I love him and still see him in my future which is why I am so confused right now.
Abby
December 3, 2014 at 8:23 pm
My ex and I have been going back and forth since June. We’ve tried giving each other a break but kept failing until finally I hurt his feelings last week. I basically said since he hurt me I wanted to hurt him, and then I told him that I made out with some guy at a bar after the break up. So I didn’t cheat on him. I’d say it was a month or 2 after the break up. But now he doesn’t want to talk to me. So I guess NC is in place, but he initiated it. Do you think he’ll try talking to me again? :/
admin
December 4, 2014 at 2:06 am
How long has it been in place?
Abby
December 4, 2014 at 2:51 am
About a week
Abby
December 3, 2014 at 8:28 pm
** he hurt me during the relationship by making me feel unimportant. He always put his friends first and stayed out until 5am with them but could barely stay up past 10 with me.
After the breakup, he hurt me by changing his mind so frequently. Ex-bf: “i miss you…we should wait a little bit…i think I love you…we should wait a little bit…i do love you…maybe we should wait longer…i feel incomplete and empty without you…let’s wait a little longer” and I’m not exaggerating. He said those things every couple weeks. It was draining
elisha
December 3, 2014 at 4:50 am
Hey, me and my bf haven’t been getting on well since we came back off holidaywe have been togather for 2 years for the past 3 weeks been arguing and on Thursday last week we split up over silly things and one min he’s making me feel like we should still be together and the next he doesn’t want to speck to me I have been trying my best to ignore him I just don’t know what to do I’m not going to talk to him till Saturday because we both want to do something I just need advice what I can do to try and get him back might seem simple but he is stubborn like me in this type of situation of relationship
admin
December 3, 2014 at 5:11 pm
Go into NC. Don’t put up with his jekyl hyde personality at this moment.
k
December 2, 2014 at 11:20 pm
what should i do if even after he broke up he still wants us to see eachother? he still texts me from time to time but i answer normally a little bit dry.
admin
December 3, 2014 at 5:00 pm
Well, if you are in NC then you ignore him until the NC is completed.
It is a good sign that he wants to see you though i’d think.
sarah
December 2, 2014 at 10:34 pm
hi
my boyfriend and i were together for a year, and then he broke up with my before i went abroad my junior year. when i came back, he came back into my life begging for me back. it happened slowly and he did everythign great and we were happy for 6 months. during the summer i was dealing with a lot of stress including family and work and i found to be very pressured about the relationship being so great and perfect. i was very anxious constantly and began to resent him for feeling like he was going to break up with me again like the summer before before i left for school. i needed a break and time but i was too afraid to say it and lose him, so i just acted very distant, off, standoffish, emotional, and picked fights. it got very messy and he said he needed a break. i was too anxious about it that i gave him a stupid ultimatum and he said he was going to call me any and break up with me. he called me over the phone very harshly and broke up with me. i never did NC entirely, i contacted him after about 2 weeks upset about something. i will admit, i was constantly upset about something over the course of the last few months of summer and it drove him away entirely. he called me eventually and checked in on me and it was a good conversation. but after, i was so out of whack and angry that he wouldnt take me back that i told him to never speak to me again. he said it was rash and he needed time. i let more time pass and i told him again out of anger that i was moving on- i didnt mean it though. it was an absolute mess. he completely withdrew contact and stopped talking to me. i then saw him in october in person and i looked terrible- crying and pretty much confessing that iw as in a very upset place and angry and i apologized for being a distant and bad girlfriend over the last few months but that thigns could be different and i loved him. i admitted that i was struggling and dealing with a lot losing him and feeling like i lost a memeber of my family. i seemed extrmely desperate. even after that i called him saying this made no sense all this stuff. entirely embarassed myself. im never like this but for some reason i am just so shattered over him. i think he lined up another girl after the breakup and has been talking to her so i guess i just want to know if there really is no shot at this ever again. he told me to move on, but i do know he really did love me and does care about me but the relationship caused him too much stress. its just unfortunate. ultimately do i have to just give up? my gut says yes and ive done everythng i could including making myself look like a desperate depressed idiot but we were so close for so long its sad to let it go. does a guy definitely always move on? he said he just needed time and was still confused in late september and its now the beginning of december. i think its really over and hes moved on but i just wish more than anything he hasnt, i also think the image of myself has been tainted a lot which sucks.
i havent contacted him since the second week of november and ive finally calmed down and am not so emotional/impulsive/anxious.
thanks
admin
December 3, 2014 at 4:57 pm
No clearly guys don’t always move on.
Otherwise this site wouldn’t exist.
Hema
November 29, 2014 at 5:03 am
Hey,
I am in a tough and weird situation. Really feeling helpless and lonely. Can u help me ??
Hema
December 3, 2014 at 3:01 am
Hmmm, I am married and have a 1.5 yrs old baby boy. (you will come to know why i told you about my personal by end of reading my story) .
I happen to meet this person in office who happens to join my team 3.5 yrs back, i was his mentor and moulded him into a very nice employee and of course yes he won many awards as well. we happen to just go for breaks together, so far only twice we went out for lunch. Even this person is married and has 2 yr daughter. We both fell in love with each other and slowly we went physical. I have never been to his house coz he never invited, but whenever we have to go physical he will come to my house. So lately i happen to see his facebook and gmail account as he shares his passwords with me and visa versa and found something disturbing. There were some obscene pictures of three females, i meant totally naked pictures of those girls which they have sent on his request and few intimate talks with one of the girls who happens to be a mutual friend of him and his wife. The talks were really bad about sex etc etc.. I confronted him and he rather than reply to what i asked started abusing me with swear words (B*, F*, W*, CHEAP etc etc ) and questioned that how can i check his personal stuffs, but he never answered to wat i asked. He just said i know those girls much before you came into my life and i will F* them and its none of my business. Then he stopped speaking to me for about a week though i kept pleading that lets patch up, i forgive U but he still kept silently emotionally blackmailing that he will leave me if i behave clever. So eventually we patched back again.
just about 2 months back my husband joined the same company where I am working and i didn’t feel its important to tell my friend, but then one day while i was talking to one of my friend this guy saw me and questioned that why i am talking to somebody and to have some self respect. Though i was talking work related, but he didnt like me talking to somebody. The same day evening I went to my husband to give earphones my friend saw that and started abusing that I know soo many guys on the floor and i roam around with them (which i dont). I told him its my husband to whom i went to give earphones. I dont know where things went wrong, he stopped speaking to me and upon me asking Y is he behaving like this, he replied that I am very cheap that went around many people in office to find a job for my husband and I am very clever and he hates me from bottom of his heart. He started abusing with all shitty words that you can think off and said that i have a very cheap character and that as long as my husband is in this company he will not talk to me ever and that he is done with this relationship.
Though always he was at fault i have forgiven him, coz more than the faults i have valued the relationship, i have let go all the nightmares i had with his behavior and his slangs on me. By not talking to me i feel he is emotionally blackmailing me that he will cut this relationship and has also said that This relationship is over and not to act smart with him. He said that i am very cunning which i dont understand till date why. I have a wonderful cute little family and considered him as a part of my family, But when he showed his true colors I am not able to digest that.
** I HAVE helped him financially a lot, was there in his tough situations. I was the one who carved him to perfection in this company, coz its not easy to work in this company without being clever and working smart. He was to quit the company within one month of joining, i was the one who convinced and consoled him in the tougher times here to fight and win than being called a coward. **
Though he is a nightmare in my life, but i Just dont know why I still want him back. I feel lonely and hopeless and helpless without him in my life. Let me make this clear, i have never asked him for any help throughout this life with him for 3.5 yrs.
Awaiting your reply at the earliest.
admin
December 3, 2014 at 5:09 pm
You cheated on your husband with this person?
Why not try to work things out with your husband… the person that you married as opposed to trying to get this guy back who is clearly cheating on his wife and on you.
Hema
December 4, 2014 at 2:39 am
There are absolutely no conflicts in my marriage life. Don’t know why i have fallen for this person. Not knowing where to go to seek help, i came to this forum .. Can you point out few things about this guy which can create hatred in me towards him .. Did this guy ever valued our so called friendship ??
admin
December 4, 2014 at 1:27 pm
No he valued your ability to sleep with him.
Your husband has no idea about you two at all…
Hema
December 5, 2014 at 7:37 am
🙁
Hema
December 3, 2014 at 5:10 am
by the way, he blocked me on the office Lync messenger, on facebook, he blocked my phone number, all i can do is watsapp and message 🙁 .. is he trying to be a narcissist, selfish, self centered, never actually valued this relationship or coz every-time we fight this silent treatment emotional abuse is what he does.. I used to keep telling him he is my strength and weakness, is he taking advantage of that. If i do a NC will he ever think to come back to me ?? Oh god i am soo lost..
admin
December 1, 2014 at 3:31 pm
Sure!
You have to give me more than that to go on though.
Lullaby
November 28, 2014 at 6:49 pm
Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 2years now. And right now he hasnt been speaking to me or answering my phone calls or my texts even when i try to contact him on facebook, he just ignores me completely. The reason is so stupid, we didnt even have an argument i just didnt talk to him for a day (neither did he) because i was upset and hurt because of something he had said to me. And now it frustrates me so much because i didnt do anything, and because he just wont talk to me. He started being all active on facebook, posting pictures, and quotes.. And i dont even know if this means we are over or is it that he just needs space. Eitherway it hurts me so much that he could do this, after all the times i forgave him for all his mistakes. Deep down i love him too much to let him go, he is my first love , my first everything. Im 21 and he is 23. But i have nothing to do since he won’t answer me. And just a week before he was saying how much he loves me and plans to get married. Im really devastated and need help because im afraid that its over.. I don’t like to be played like this but at the same time i love him too much to imagine him gone. Please help me
admin
December 1, 2014 at 3:19 pm
Wait, he hasn’t broken up with you yet? He’s just gone quiet?
C
November 27, 2014 at 9:24 pm
My boyfriend of over two years just broke things off with me yesterday. A few months ago we had a huge fight in which he told me that he wasn’t sure about his feelings anymore. He broke down sobbing like I have never seen from him before, as he is a generally calm and collected person. I said some very hurtful things in response to his uncertainty such as “you’ll never find anyone who will make you happy like I make you happy” and things of the sort. After this fight, we decided to work on things and try to be happy. I thought we were happy. We went out together and with mutual friends and I stayed over at his place 3-4 times a week and it was completely amazing. A few days ago, I mentioned the fact that I’m transferring colleges (no more than an hour away) and suggested that we come up with a plan so both of us are happy. He flipped out and said that I shouldn’t worry about things 9 months in advance because so many things can change in that period of time. This is what made me think that something was seriously wrong. After a few days of very minimal contact, I told him to come over so we could talk things out. We ended up going for a drive in which I apologized for being so insensitive to his feelings and not appreciating what we had by focusing on the future. He appreciated my apology but said that his heart wasn’t 100% invested in our relationship anymore and he just didn’t see a future with us together but that he still loves me and cares about me more than anyone in the world. He also reminded me that I am his best friend and no one could replace me. However, he also said that since he keeps having these feelings of doubt with our relationship, we can’t ever get back together because he doesn’t want to put me through this emotional roller coaster and he doesn’t want to go through it himself. I am going to make sure that I don’t make any contact for at least a month, but I’m not sure if that’ll be enough to win him back. What we had was absolutely amazing. He is the only person in the entire world I can completely be myself around and the thought of life without him, especially in a romantic sense, makes me feel sick. Before we were ever together, we were best friends. I would give anything to build a future with him because I cannot see myself with anyone else. Is there any other advice you can give me besides the no contact rule? I am going to listen to the rule, but I’m just not sure if it’ll be enough.
admin
November 28, 2014 at 3:25 pm
Yes, just focus on rebuilding rapport and friendship with him first.
C
November 29, 2014 at 1:11 am
Thank you for the advice. How would you recommend I go about doing this?
Jamie
November 26, 2014 at 8:07 pm
In February of this year I started seeing a guy. He was married for 17 years, but had been separated from her for a little over a year at that point. The divorce papers have been filed, it just isn’t final. We quickly became the best of friends. We texted all day every day while we were both at work, then there was typically a phone call most evenings after work. We did pretty much everything together. There was a lot of touching, hugging, kissing, holding hands, we told each other we loved the other, but we never got “intimate” . In July, there were several events that put him in face to face contact with his ex, (i.e. wedding, one of their children was in a car wreck, and a hospital visit) and I started to notice a change his his demeanor. Now I don’t think for a second that he wants her back, however he does still have a lot of anger towards her. Late August, he was telling me about a friend of his was breaking up with his girlfriend and that how with the changing of the seasons it seems to happen a lot. A few days later, we went out to dinner to “talk”. After dinner was over, he asked me what I thought he was going to say, and I told him I was thinking he was going to say it’s over. He told me that no it’s not over, but he “didn’t have the feelings about me that a boyfriend should have for his girlfriend”. He told me he wasn’t ready for a full-blown relationship, and that it wasn’t me, it was him. He asked that we stay friends, but said that he understood if I couldn’t. We parted ways with a hug, and I told him I’d do some thinking and let him know. After a few hours and a visit to my best girlfriends house, I called him and talked to him. I told him that I needed a few days, but I did not want to lose our friendship. So after about a week, we started talking and hanging out together again. After a couple of weeks, we were basically back to the same relationship we had prior to the “break-up” only without the kissing, holding hands and telling each other we loved them. There was a conversation we had where he was telling me his ex had been texting and calling him wanting to know if there was a chance they could ever reconcile and he told her absolutely not, but he said “the way we ended things there’s a chance that we could end up back together.” Also, we were out with another couple one night, and they were dancing and laughing and having a good time and he said “look at them, they’ve got it, it’s there, but then again we’ve got it too. We’ve been touching since we got here.” And we had…he had rubbed my arm, my leg and our arms or some part of our bodies had been touching the whole time. But mixed in with all of these signals was him insisting that we’re “just friends”. The mixed signals had my head spinning. Finally, on November 9th, I told him I couldn’t do this anymore, and that I loved him too much to be “just friends”. His response was “I understand. I’m sorry. I’ll leave you alone” He said “It is what it is and I understand this hurts you. You’re a very dear friend to me, but if being my friend is something you can’t be then I’ll let you go. I wish you the best, and I hope you find what you need to make you happy. I’m looking for my happiness also and it’s taking us down different roads.” He told me again that he didn’t have “those feelings” about us. The next day I had told him that I would bring his lunch to him at work, and he said I didn’t have to do that, but I told him that I wanted to be friends, and he said “I want to be very clear, I like being friends. I don’t want anything else. If that’s too much then I’ll walk away. I feel we need a big break so you get you fixed.” I told him that I liked us being friends, but he was right that I needed to fix the part of me that was hurt. I said “I hope you enjoy your lunch.” He said “Thank you. Goodbye. Take care.” We haven’t had any contact for over 2 weeks now. This man is definitely the love of my life, and I don’t believe that there are 2 people more suited to be together than he and I. Is there any hope? Should I just forget about him and try to find someone else? Will he ever wake up and realize what he’s lost? I’m still so torn between holding on to hope and letting go.
admin
November 28, 2014 at 3:08 pm
So, you two have been in NC for 2 weeks.
Why do you believe that you two are meant to be together?
Jamie
December 1, 2014 at 4:16 pm
Correct, we have had NC for over 2 weeks. I think we are meant to be together because it is different from any other relationship I’ve ever been in. It fits. It feels right. There was never any fighting or arguing. We were both adult enough to agree to disagree. I love him like I’ve never loved another, and I’ve been married twice. It’s hard to explain, but I just know.
admin
December 2, 2014 at 2:28 pm
Then fight for him.