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dontwanthimback
January 20, 2014 at 1:07 am
I was with my ex almost 6 yrs, in that time we had 2 children together and almost got married 3 times, I broke the engagement off everytime. He was abusive in every way, whic, of course did not show until after we had our first child. He would steal and lie constantly to the point we would just about lose everything, but still there was other factors at play there so I used them as excuses and he used them as crutches. We would have very good periods but always leading to the same thing…disappointment. I left him many times, moreso as a “wake up” call than actually leaving him and he would always BEG for me back. Several times while kicked out (3to be exact) he got in other relationships after only a week of me kicking him out, and I knew what they were all about, especially since he was still constantly in my business, stalking me and all that..even after 2 rebounds, 2 domestics, and losing a lot of what I worked hard for my family to have I took him back…gave him a timeframe to “change his ways for good or kick rocks…well needless to say he didn’t so again I gave him a month to show me SOMETHING..he did for a couple weeks than boom again with the same BS…so again I kicked him out, again, within a week of breaking up he says he’s “in a relationship” with (lol) a 19 yrs old girl with a kid (he’s 31, lives at home with mommy and has a shit job) and starts not wanting to take our children, doing everything possible to screw me over, even though its hurting his children…refuses to pay his whole $70/Mon child support..ect than for the third time, involves my kids with this…teenager. now I know its a rebound, I don’t want him back, but I honestly want opinions on the “having your children involved with rebounds” especially since he’s involved all 3 of them with my children. Last time, that was honesty how we got back together, the thought of some girl being around my kids again after only a week killed me! For one, I believe its showing them there’s no merit in relationships, that if you leave one your not complete unless u jump back in another one, secondly with what he puts them through to hurt me makes me wonder what he’s doing with his visitations with them…they’ve already said his mother takes care of them while they’re there..and him and his (their words) little kid girlfriend were kissing all over eachother and it was gross! While at a huge family function…not happy, they shouldn’t see that not even 3 mos after seeing their mom n dad together for most of their lives. I think again its just another tactic to break me down into taking him back because “its best for kids” like I always have…what do you think? Again he’s 31 with a 19 yrs old that has a 3 yrs old, less than a week after we split up, has done this twice before and has been with her less than 3 mos hanging on each other at FAMILY FUNCTIONS around my children. How long do you think he will keep it up if its what I think? I’m seriously about to refuse and pull visitation altogether so advice is definitely appreciated!
admin
January 20, 2014 at 7:12 pm
Wow… 31 years old with a 19 year old.. Are you kidding me?
K
January 19, 2014 at 10:13 pm
My ex of over 6 years broke up with me in May 2013. He is 31 and I’m 24. He has always had serious insecurity issues (my psychologist classified him as having NPD), he was always very possessive, verbally and emotionally abusive, and jealous. He always played mind games and manipulated me into doubting my own insanity.
I tried for 3 months to get him to see sense after the break up, but no luck. I went NC for 3 months after that and in the meantime a good friend and I started dating as I wanted to get back on the horse and find true love.
My current man is twice the man my ex is or ever was, treats me so much better, the relationship is healthy and I’m so happy in love – but of course as expected I’m still battling my old attachment to my ex trying to forget about him and the pain he caused me, I suffer from depression and anxiety as a result of him.
Anyway, in October 2013 right through to November 2013, my ex contacted me like crazy, came back and apologised, admitted he has issues, is trying to fix them and saying how much he missed me – my guess is that he wanted me back after fooling around for a bit and I think he did this because no one would put up with his bull*** other than me, not because he was being genuine.
I told him that there was no chance and that I had moved on, then he wanted to be friends and I said no. Then he turned and started blaming me again for everything, one minute saying he didn’t hate me anymore but then the next he would lash out at me – it was very hypocritical and confused the hell out of me.
Now I’m sure he started dating someone within a month of that happening, but she is the complete opposite of what he is attracted to and at the same time he has also told me that he isn’t happy that the relationship I had with him ended.
I’m a bit confused here, if anything I’m worried that he will try the same thing on me again if this is a rebound for him that doesn’t work out… I don’t know if I should change my number just in case. The ex hasn’t contacted me in almost 2 months or so but I’m still worried… He likes to toy with me, bringing up old memories and stuff and it really eats away at me when he does.
My current relationship is definitely not a rebound and we’re both very serious about each other as we already had the friendship foundation going for us. Could you please help ease my mind, please tell me what you make of all this… thank you.
Brittany
January 18, 2014 at 12:48 am
I have read through a lot of your site, and the information is all extremely helpful. I guess the only thing I’m looking for is reassurance, and hoping that I am understanding your concepts.
I will try to be short, but about two months ago my ex boyfriend had said that he wanted to split things off. There was no legitimate reason behind it besides him saying he didn’t want to be tied down and felt that there was a lot he still wanted to do before he settled down. The following weeks after, I was in an awkward middle zone. I didn’t know which way he was going. He asked me to stay the night, was taking me on dates, going to lunch, but there were days where he wouldn’t talk to me at all. New Years Eve I had fallen asleep on the couch, and was staying at his place. When he got home from work (he works graveyard) he carried me to bed, so that he could go to sleep with me beside him. On January sixth, he came over and I made dinner for the two of us, but he could tell something was off. So i spilled and told him it was really hard on me to not know which way things were going, because of him taking me out, but then not talking to me. We got into a bit of a dispute because he said he just really doesn’t want a relationship right now and he does really care, he just isn’t ready. He said that someday I would make the perfect wife, but he isn’t looking for a wife right now, but he would love to have me by his side later in life. He decided to make a clean break then. Which, I was definitely not in agreement with and cried, a lot.
Over the course of his in and out-ness, he had made out with two girls (one due to being intoxicated at a party). I wasn’t sure how to take it because technically we weren’t together, but were . So I did express to him that I was upset about it, and he was upset that I knew because he was sad that it was hurting me. The day he came over for dinner, he had told me he was trying to keep his options open, while still hanging out with me. I reacted badly and slapped him, but to my surprise he said that was a long time coming. He’s really concerned about me thinking he never cared.
Anyways, when he officially split things off, he instantly began hanging out with this girl who has quite the “reputation”. And many people are still in awe about his decision to break it off, so i get the most random calls and texts telling me what he’s up to, most recently about him taking her on a date. This girl is the one whom he made out with while intoxicated. I understand this is a rebound for him, especially since she isn’t the kind of girl that dates, she just hops around. I’m just having a hard time being positive that there is a chance things will work out. So far i’ve been in NC for 11 days, and it truly isn’t easy. The one month mark would be Feb. 6, and I am holding strong to that. I am just having a hard time seeing that there is still a chance. Any input would be great.
Oh, and I’ve recently got my hair redone! and have started learning how to play guitar, simply because i’m trying to find interest in things I can be proud of! I’ve also become much more social and done my best to not stay home all the time (I’m going out tonight :)), so I am putting a focus on myself.
admin
January 20, 2014 at 12:23 am
You seem to have an amazing grasp of the concepts.
NC is very hard so congrats for making it as long as you have.
I think the best advice I could give anyone would be to try to become the best version of themselves.
Become as beautiful as possible.
Be as healthy as possible.
Be as social as possible
And truly work towards being happy in your life.
If you can do that during NC then you are on track.
Brittany
January 20, 2014 at 7:33 am
Am I wrong to assume that his actions at the party show he still cares? It was the first time running into him, and everyone there said he pretty much made an ass out of himself trying to “get a rise” out of me.
I’m really trying my hardest to focus on myself, especially because of this rebound girl, and I wouldn’t be aware of any of this if it wasn’t for you, so thank you!
admin
January 20, 2014 at 7:42 pm
He definitely cares for you on some level. No doubt in my mind.
Brittany
January 18, 2014 at 12:14 pm
Ok, and to add, after I have gotten home from my night of going out, he showed up at the party I was at, without this “new girl”. He kept trying to do things to annoy me, which I ignored, and even went to the extent of telling a girl at the gathering that he had broken up with me, within ear shot.
Pandora
January 17, 2014 at 2:53 pm
Hi,im new to ur site and in alot of pain. Im 30yrs old,my ex broke up with me in october 2012. We were together for 7yrs,lived together for 5yrs,were engaged for 2yrs. Everything was fine with us,we met online and within 4months of meeting in person we got exclusive n he gave me a copy of his house key,he has always been a flirt,even when i started talking to him,he was honest and told me he had about 4 5 bootycalls. I met his family the first day i met him in person and got along with everyone, after 2 yrs he lost his house and moved in with me(and my mom). I lost my job in 2008,and have had no luck in keeping a job for more than 6months since 2008. I was raped and that took a toll on our sex life and since the relationship seemed to be going downhill. I accused him of being involved in my rape,but i was raped in daylight on a residential street,i blamed everyone around me,what hurts me to this day is that the day i was raped he wouldnt answer his phone n i had to walk home after the raped,no i didnt want police involed. Once i was home,i woke him up and told him what happened,what he do?he got up,showered told his sister to go with me to police station cus he was going to be late to work,he didnt even tey to call off work to be by my side đ he acted like he didnt care. After losing my job in 2008,i kept finding and receiving emails from strange girls he will flirt online with. One girl stood out,she lived 5blocks away from us,i must add during all those 7yrs we did break up but didnt last longer than a week and we would be back together again,during one break up i found out he went to meet this girl,they became friends after that. My mom always told me to watch out for her. We then got engaged and altho we had breaks,we were happy n each time we got back together we got more n more closer. The last year we were together was stressful, we had to move,i was beyond stressful at having no long term job,we lost communication,i lost my best friend and i had to hide my mourning because i just didnt want to tell him. October came,we argued and i told him we didnt have communication, his reply “i stopped loving you long time ago,its over,im done” i was shocked and hurt. Mother got sick and didnt work,so all the finance responsibility was on him,I didnt work,so he said we could stay at his place till we got on our feet. He started dating that “friend” mother warn me about,but yet would come home and seduce me and act like he loved me. It went like that till july 2013,i lost my brother in mexico,we left right away,he kept texting me making sure i was ok,at the funeral home he shows up out of nowhere,which naturally meant the world to me and till this day i appreciate what he did. In 7 yrs together,this was the first time he met all my brothers/sisters(they all live in mexico) and the rest of the family. They all knew we weren’t together but they all got along with him and love him. Back in the usa,we got closer n he left the girl and we decided to work on us again,again october 2013 he got into legal problems and we had to move. My gut was telling me there was something not right, i kept asking him if he really wanted to work on us or was there someone one,he had to speak up before we signed a lease together…he said us. A day before being fully moved into the new place we both signed for,i find out he had been back with that girl for over a month. Well he kicked me out the apt.,i went to mexico for xmas and new years,and thru out those days he would text me daily to come back n how much he missed me.i came back january 2. Once here he told me he still with her,she thinks we dont share beds but we do. He tells me he will always love me but he stopped being in love with me a couple yrs back. He tells me he doesnt see her in a long relationship,he tells me he doesnt want to let me go, that the thought of not seeing me,not texting me,not talking to me at all makes him want to cry. He comes and goes,most days out of the week he is with her,no,we dont kiss,no sex,we really just share a bed,cuddle,hug,kiss on cheek or forehead. I love him more than ever,my family says its a phase,its A fling,its a rebound,mother says the same. I found out a few days ago by his gf,that they have been having sex since 2008,when i confronted him he said no,maybe since 2012 but not 5yrs. Both of them did admit that they didnt cheat,they would get together when we would take our breaks,but she keeps claiming its been going on for more years then he is admiting. The days he is with her,he texts me just to check on my day,on my mom,pur dogs,he tells me he is with her but missing me. He now started taking clothes to her house,and she started cooking washing ironing for him,yes aside from all the pain we had more good times than bad,he helped us out so much,as an exgf/roommate i still do all the ‘housewife’ things i did for him before,until she started doing it. Seems they are getting closer and closer,although he tells me they arent,and they have been arguing a little more too. Knowing all this,can she still be a rebound? My heart refuses to let go,i still pray and have all my hope and faith that he will be back,he has refused to kill my hopes and faith cus he claims there is something still in his heart for me,as he puts it “physically i moved on,emotionally im getting there,but you are in my heart still”…any advice any help will be much appreciate it. I apologize for the long confusing story and all the typos,im using my ipod :/ thank you
admin
January 20, 2014 at 12:13 am
Well, do you think the new girl is a rebound? Or is it something more serious?
Jane
January 27, 2014 at 10:22 am
Yes I know it is a rebound based know the advice on your page. It’s just hard to except tha fact that she would hurt me like this for a relationship that isn’t goin to last. Our relationship was a healthy one so hopefully she realizes her mistake.
Jane
January 17, 2014 at 8:37 am
I think my ex is in a rebound. We dated for 2 yrs and she broke up with me when everything was seemingly fine stating that she loves me but we are young and that she wants to know what else is out there. She wanted her space. So j respected that and not even 2 weeks later she has a new gf. I don’t understand and it’s a girl she met a few weeks before she broke up with me! Is this a rebound or an act of not loving me anymore?
admin
January 20, 2014 at 12:09 am
Does she have the qualities described on this page?
HELLLLLPPPPPP
January 16, 2014 at 5:07 pm
Hey, I’m confused as to whether my ex is in a rebound relationship or not. We dated on and off for 8 months. I met him online, he asked me out the first time we spent the weekend together. I thought it was weird. I let him live with me in my apt because he lived about an hour from me. I got him a job at my dads work. And when the lease was up on my apt he left for about a month in June. He came back in July didn’t get me a.birthday present until I told him how upset my parents were that he didn’t. He got a job in August and left for 3 months. He was dating another girl for 3 weeks before he broke up with her to come back to me. I told him I wanted things to change before we dated. And we dated for 2 months. And broke up around thanksgiving. He promised that this time we were going to get married and everything. He was never going to leave. And told me he wasn’t full blown in love with me. And I found out he was talking to his previous ex who is considerably younger. The same girl he broke up with before, to go back out with me. He started dating her within days of us breaking up. They were dating less than a month and he gave her a promise ring, and are already talking marriage, and moving in together. Everything we did together. Calls her all the names he used to call me. And she is still a freshman in college. Is this real??????/
29yroldvirgin
January 14, 2014 at 11:27 pm
We recently broke up (Oct 2013),it was mutual. We were together for 3 yrs and we are each other’s first bf and gf. A lot of great memories, however one day, he told me he was unsure about me and his career is more important, he thinks his goals doesnt match mine,he is not ready for commitment, I dont understand his music language but I still supported him and shows up to his events, in the end I got tired because he doesnt do anything special for me,if he does,he complains even just going out to eat. I stayed in a relationship, but I was unhappy so I finally talked to him and we both agreed to be separated. There were some signs that I think he is already exploring, and ever since he started to do his MA in music at his new school. Signs like: he is encouraging me to explore, also I don’t feel special anymore. During our break up,he told me that he doesn’t want to lose me because I am his comfort and according to him he is not so good on talking to girls ( or needs someone to hang out with),we never had sex,he never kiss me on my lips. We remained pure during that 3years (we met at our old church). We are both virgins and both 28yrs old at that time.
Now I heard from our mutual friend that he’s been hanging with this woman with 2kids and married,she met all our closest mutual friends. Now, he is also interested to his fellow music classical player, and apparently also available. But according to him, he has no time because he is busy and she’s busy. But they definitely see each other a lot. I haven’t talk to him since the break up. But it seems like he was not affected by our break up and already moved on while he was with me. It hurts a lot especially it is my first relationship. I hope I will find someone who will treat me special. đ I’m not expecting him to come back to me. He also told his friend,that I’m a good woman but hes not ready to commit for life… I work full time and do school full time, I guess I have to focus on finishing school…it is hard to concentrate though. I don’t really know how to meet guys…I haven’t really go out on a date. That’s my story…
admin
January 15, 2014 at 6:44 pm
You two never even kissed?
I mean, I am not trying to make you feel bad or anything like that but why? I get the virgin thing but surely it is ok to kiss?
This is interesting to me. I want to hear more about this haha.
29yroldvirgin
January 16, 2014 at 12:27 am
I actually asked him before,”we have been dating for awhile and you still haven’t kiss me”. He is kinda gave me a confusing answer.But…he jokingly said..”then Eve tempted Adam”. He also said,if he starts to kiss me,we will be doing it all the time and it might lead to something. I was thinking…maybe because he has a stinky breath. Lol. He drinks coffee a lot…like a lot. Lol. But there is never a day that I dont think of him though. I still care for him. Do you think he’ll be back one day?
admin
January 16, 2014 at 5:49 pm
That is weird.
I get the not having sex thing. I even respect it. However, I think it is ok to kiss.
Sorry that he did that to you.
I think if he treats his new relationship the same way he treated yours it is probably going to fail.
Catherine
January 13, 2014 at 11:50 pm
Hi, I was in a 3 1/2year relationship with a man. I was still married to soneone else, but this man new I was married and we continued
Seeing one another..I went and saw a lawyer 2011 to file seperation
Papers. And then I moved in with my boyfriend and lived with
Him for 8 months.. Things got a little rocky, then I moved out of
His house and moved back in with my husband in june of
2013.. My boyfriend begged me to move back in with him., but
I didnt. We continued to see one another often. He went to academy
In july, and I supported him through that. But then every time
We would argue he would say oh just go back to youre husband.
Well he broke it off with me, 2 weeks ago because he said he needs
To be with a single woman, not someone thats married or seperated
Because of his job. With him being a police officer, then I find
Out he is seeing someone else a few days later. He always told
Me I was the love of his life. And I need to get divorced, then he
Can date who ever he wants.. What do I do. He recently contacted
Me and asked for fininacial help.. I told him I would help him.
Is there a chance of us getting back together?
admin
January 14, 2014 at 5:48 pm
You want your ex husband back?
Steve
January 13, 2014 at 10:49 pm
My ex an i were together for 4 months before we split (by accident i was under stress and made apoor judgent call in replying to a text) i stewed for 3 days and then apologised (by text – it was late at night) and we were good (i thought) . The next day i called her and she was candid that we could only be frineds now.. she had ben hurt before and wouldnt let it hapen again. I was upset but clung on.. we texted lots and i felt i was making good my mistake. even to the point on christmas even christamas day and boxing day allwe did was text or call (whn family comitments alllowed) even to the pointy on christmas day late in the evening she used out codword for wnating to get it on. After another week i called her to try and clear the mied messages i was hetting. she told me that she didnt wnat to hurt my feelings… but she “was seeing somone else…. it’s my best frined of 15 years i went to him the day after woue split” the bottom bropped out of my world then.
I tried to hold off communicating but failed till this week when i stopped for 7 days to cler my head. i messaged her and laid out that i wanted her to be happy and that if she wantred this then i would suport her and leave it. we agreed to call.. then spent a whole hour going over stuff and being honest, she admitted it ahd been strange not having me there and she misssed me. that also as wellas me severall of her freinds had been surprised at her moving on so quick. she also mentioned that she would be staying late at work (she is a teacher) so she didnt ahve to bring any marking home as she hated it. these actions are not what i would have expected of her at all. on top of this i kanow form being in contact wiht ther she isnt seeing the new man/best friend that much whan she has free time (by comparison she would see me as much as physically possible) and on top her new man/best frined is just coming out of a messy divoce too (his ex hit him this week and my ex had to take him to casualty).
I’m going on a strick NC now but what else can i do.. i feel like am watching her in a car crash in slow motion.
admin
January 14, 2014 at 5:46 pm
Hey man! I am literally working on something for men right now. It is soooo good. Be patient and I will have it out in a week or two.
James
January 13, 2014 at 6:04 pm
Me and my girlfriend were serious for 3 years. a couple of months ago I felt like she kept picking fights with me and was acting strange. She had gained a new group of friends which I was cool with because one of here insecurities was that she never felt like she had friends. A couple were guys but I’m not the jealous type I promised her it was ok. Eventually she broke up with me… Through text message. The next day she was in New York with one of these guys. A month ago I got a long text message begging for me back and long quotes about love she knew I would love. I said I don’t believe that door is closed forever but right now I think we both need time and the break up happened for a reason. She hasn’t always been emotionally stable and I think she needs to find ways to make herself happy being in a healthy relationship. We scheduled a lunch last week to talk. She cancelled saying she was too heartbroken to see me. Today I found out that she put on facebook she is in a relationship with that guy. I haven’t said anything to her and I am trying to handle this with class and dignity. But I’m just so hurt and angry. When will I stop feeling so angry and sad?
Heartbroken
January 12, 2014 at 5:05 am
I can use some advise… My ex fiancĂŠ were together almost 3 years and we have a 2 yr old. Things have been pretty rocky from the beginning. You see I met him while he was engaged to another girl and we were just friends for about 6 months. I was his shoulder per say to cry on about how he was unhappy at the time with his fiancĂŠ. He broke the wedding off 3 weeks before and moved in with me. Things were tough right away… Biggest prob TRUST… As our daughter was born it became even harder. I believe he couldn’t come to the idea of growing up and being responsible. So the root of our prob I believe started 2 years ago when a girl he works with had come on to him and asked him to hang out. He told her he was n a relationship and had a baby on the way. Since then he and this girl have become very close friends over the last two years which he has hid from me. We recently broke up due to me finding out he was txting her and hiding the txt msg from me. Two weeks after he was out of the house he tried to get back together and told me they were just friends. Well here’s the kicker. I found out that I’m pregnant with his baby. And yes, he knows. We went to counseling and it helped some. But I still felt he wasn’t ready to fully commit to me so I ended it saying that maybe things aren’t meant to be. The following day he added the girl on Instagram and Twitter and blocked me and he has been seeing her. Is this a rebound. Did I mean nothing to him. I don’t know what to do đ
admin
January 12, 2014 at 6:15 pm
Right now it looks like she is in the rebound stage.
Heartbroken
January 12, 2014 at 6:32 pm
Thank you for your reply… I guess time will tell. In the meantime, I’m going to move on with my children and find my own happiness! Hope he’s happy with his decision!
Lisa
January 11, 2014 at 6:30 am
hi Chris.. I broke up with my ex and completed nc 30 days.
We have been hanging out and talked about taking it slow and stuff.
We were doing great. But I invited him to this party on New Year’s Eve. and he told me he wanted to spend with the family. I really wanted to spend nye with him so I got upset.
At same day(NYE) I asked him if he still wants to be with me because he said before he wants to be with me but taking it slow. But he told me “I don’t want to do anything with anyone right now”
I got really hurt. So I texted him have a good happy new year.
And he said thanks u too.
And then he texted me again 12am happy new year!
I didn’t respond. I couldn’t because I got so hurt.
Since then we haven’t talked.
And I just found out he is talking to another girl…..
I don’t know what to do at this point…
Help me Chris please!! :(((
admin
January 12, 2014 at 4:49 am
He is just talking. I wouldn’t freak out yet until it becomes official which hopefully won’t happen. Are you in NC?
Lisa
January 12, 2014 at 5:51 am
we were talking everyday. and on New Year’s Eve, we had little argument. I got upset about what he said on New Year’s Eve. My insecurities came out. but he still texted me saying “happy new year” right after 12am. :/ but I didn’t text him back because I felt like I shouldn’t.
Anyway since then we haven’t talked.
He didn’t text me and neither did I.
I wasn’t trying to do NC and I almost texted him today actually… But had no idea what to say to him… :(((
I really don’t wanna go back to nc
Lisa
January 12, 2014 at 5:54 am
But I guess I should. Right?
Is there any other options Chris? đ
Confused
January 11, 2014 at 3:38 am
My ex is currently a month into a rebound relationship. The girl in question is very adamant that I know; posting photos of them together on Facebook/instragram and fraping his profile to arouse suspicion of her existence (“just had the best day with my favourite person” “I’ve never been so happy”, “Lie in with my girl <3"). All of the time these statuses and pictures are quickly deleted. Is he deleting them because he's protecting me? Or is it something more? Does he still have feelings for me? p.s I am currently in nc but my ex has contacted me a couple of times, mostly about silly things, like my favourite movie was on TV etc.
I would really appreciate your opinion! Thank you
admin
January 12, 2014 at 4:41 am
I am sure he has feelings for you. Its just a matter of what type of feelings haha.
Confused
January 11, 2014 at 3:58 am
We broke up 2 months ago
jessie
January 11, 2014 at 2:55 am
Me and my husband had been together 7 years and we split upin November N he had a girlfriend by the end of December but he trryed keeping. it a secret from me bcuz he was telling. me he’s not sure what he wants to do yet N that he’s confused come to find out he’s been dati.g her for two weeks N he’s saying “i love u” to her he claims he’s always said that when then were friends. but i knw he hasn’t (its his friends sister.we both knew her prior but she was engaged N broke it off when her N my husband. started talking I’m pretty sure…anyways is this a rre bound relationship …..she’s saying. he’s being. obsessive …but idk……
admin
January 12, 2014 at 4:39 am
You might want to read this: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/how-to-get-your-ex-husband-back/
jessie
January 13, 2014 at 12:36 am
I read that already thanks..do u have any other advice? I started the 30 day NC rule two days ago he called today but i didn’t answer even tho we have kids I’m not gonna respond unlesa he txts about the kids..anyways…is there any hope..have u seen anything like this b4…N is this a rebound relationship? He came to talk to her again on facebook and basically jst said txt me and to come hangout even knowing she had a man at the time…i don’t really know much on anything else…..
Chris
January 10, 2014 at 9:59 am
I’m a little confused about your timeline. So if my ex is in a rebound relationship that lasts more than a year it was never a rebound but true love? Or does it mean that if they waited a year or more to get in a relationship it’s not a rebound. Can you please explain this timeline.
Thank you!
admin
January 11, 2014 at 1:50 am
If its a year or more it is not a rebound. I don’t know if its true love though.
numpty
January 9, 2014 at 11:09 am
I just broke up with my bf of 3 years. The thing is, when i was in the relationship I always felt like the relationship was a rebound (he broke up with his 3- months first love in about 2.5 months prior to our relationship, they still keep contacting, being friend). How should I feel about this ?
Allie
January 9, 2014 at 2:52 am
Hi Chris,
I was in a relationship with my ex for just shy of a year. We were very close, so close that I was deemed a part of the family by his mother and younger sister. He was the extremely jealous type, but, then again so was I. We had a good year together although he was selfish most of the time when it came to his money and wanting a lot of time to himself. He cheated on me twice, once while drunk (he had a threesome with a girl and a guy) and once again with his ex girlfriend which I did not find out about (I found out about it from the ex) until the end of our relationship the first time around. We were getting into arguments almost daily which caused the first break up, which was around the 10-11 month mark. This was an occasion where he broke up with me. We decided we would stay friends and we talked for two days until he found out I had gone out with another guy (after we had broken up) and he got extremely upset and told me he was planning on getting back together. It wasn’t until about five days after that that he came begging back to me on Facebook and telling me how much he still loved me. I told him I would give him another chance if he would be able to deal with the fact that I have a hard time accepting being cheated on. Doesn’t everyone? We dated for close to another month and a half, about a week before our one year anniversary. He was very kind for this entire month, I’m assuming because he knew what it was like to lose me and didn’t want to again. He made this very clear to me when I began to find the constant attention strange. He would get upset and break down in tears apologizing for the cheating and how little he saw me over the past summer because he wanted “me time”. I can’t begin to describe the faults in our relationship because I could most likely write a novel. However, we had a great time when we were together and he was very caring, so much as coming to the emergency room with me at 12 a.m. because of a stomach ulcer! I made a huge mistake by breaking up with him a week before our anniversary. I was confused because I was only focusing on the negative aspects of our past and I was comparing him to a new guy, who is MY current rebound relationship, and I figured I would be better if I dropped him. Now I’m realizing that was a huge mistake. Just a day after I broke up with him he got into an official relationship with this girl. I was seeing my new guy but we didn’t become official until about a month and a half after my break up with my ex. I realize this most likely means my ex knew his current girlfriend while we were still dating. Granted it was quite obvious I was on the verge of breaking it off. It has now been a little over two months since he began dating this new girl who is three years older than he is, who lives about two hours away from where we do. My ex is two years older than I am. I can see multiple reasons why this girl must be better for him than I am, but I can’t help but think that he is in a rebound relationship as well. I made a huge mistake about a month ago by texting him and pouring my heart out about how I miss him and still love him. I did wait a month and a half before doing this, however, with no contact with him at all beforehand. He did not take kindly to this though and after reading your article I realized it was a huge mistake. He completely shut me down and told me it was none of my concern what he and his new girl do, that he is done with anything involving his past relationship with me, and he then proceeded to block my number. (Or so he says.) He still seems to be happy with this girl and I’m worried there’s no hope. I unintentionally ran into him today at the local music store while I was with a close friend of mine who is a lesbian, and he has been so friendly toward her for the past month or so that I’m beginning to think he has an ulterior motive. While we were in a relationship, he made it clear that she was his least favorite out of my group of friends. I just don’t know if he does love this new girlfriend as much as he says he does all over social networking, and from what he said to me. I’m just wondering, is there any hope at all for him and I? Despite the fact that I already screwed things up by pouring my heart and soul out through a few emotionally controlled text messages? If so, what can I do!?
admin
January 10, 2014 at 1:17 am
The new girlfriend looks like a rebound.
Just hit NC pretty hard at this point.
Allie
January 10, 2014 at 5:08 pm
Thanks for the reply, Chris! I’m hoping this girl is just a rebound, despite the fact that they’ve been together for a couple of months. I haven’t contacted him since the mistake of pouring my heart out, because I’m worried he really wants nothing to do with me. He doesn’t really seem to care much that I’m not trying to get in touch with him, however I rarely see him around at all. I’m worried he’s going to be with this new girl for a long time and completely forget I exist. Is there a good chance I still cross his mind and that he’ll come crawling back if I just keep quiet??
m
January 7, 2014 at 3:01 pm
My bf of 5yrs ldr last 3mos. He begged me to come fir holiday
i did. It was weird. No fighting. Love affection yet diff.
then i see on hs fcbk friends ths girl has a pic of them on
HER icon on her page. Wtf? He has nothing on hs page.
we had struggles financually not fighting. Wr agreed to
stick it out. He sd i dnt wnt u to go lets just run off
get away. N/ c 4 days so far.
He always sd i am the love of his life. Rebound? Or no
balls to say im mvng on? Very hurt…. :/
Claire
January 7, 2014 at 7:47 am
hi Chris,
i was with my ex for 10 years. He broke up with me after owr child was born a few months ago after i found out that he still loved his ex grilfriend from high school. He claims that i was the one who left him because i didn’t take it well and said it was over but in a matter of days i wanted to work on the realationship.
Anyway, they were together of about three years in high school then he met me a few years and a few girlfriends latter and we had 10 years together.
He broke it off with me because he was unhappy and in a matter of days she broke up with her partner of 12 years to be with my ex.
I know it’s a rebound realationship, everyone who knows us says so, my question is beacuse it’s an old realationship from high school dose that mean that they will skip the rebound and go to the proper realationship or dose it mean that it’s even more doomed?
And could she’s be using my ex as a rebound as well?
admin
January 7, 2014 at 6:50 pm
Wait is he with that girl now?
Raul
January 6, 2014 at 11:56 pm
Hi Chris, I’m a guy and this is my story:
My girlfriend of 20 months broke up with me a couple of months ago. It all started with Halloweeen, we had a stupid argument about what to do that day. Then our final exams made us even further apart. She said she wanted to be alone for a while, so I respected her decision and let her go until things would cool down. Then one day, she said she only wanted to be friends. I got mad at this and started fighting with her. It never crossed my mind that she was dating someone else. After things cooled down, I started texting her again like we always used to, but something was wrong, she wasn’t herself anymore.
I asked her what was wrong and she said she was with another guy and she was happy with him. This happened 3 weeks ago. That night I couldnât sleep a wink, I went to her house at 6am and she barely let me in. I started begging and crying that she means the world to me. She started crying too and said she still loved me, but now sheâs in a relationship. Then she said she was going to travel that same day. I couldnât believe what I was hearing, before I knew it, she made me leave.
The next couple of days were hell. She didnât even tell me where she was or when she was gonna return. I began texting and calling her that I need her in my life, but I had no response. But in one of those calls, her NEW BOYFRIEND PICKED UP and said she was busy! I was completly shocked, this made me want to kill myself. So that night, I searched the web for help and stumbled upon many artciles about âRebound Relationshipâ and how these relationships never last much. A spark of hope lit inside me. So the next morning, I manned up and went to her house. She was already gone, but her little brother opened up. I left him a few presents and told him I really cared about him and considered him my brother. He started crying and saying that he missed me. His mom was also there and she let a tear drop. It was a very touching moment, but I promised myself not to cry anymore. I left the house and it felt great to actually be more mature. A few minutes after I left the house, my ex called me and said âThanks for the gifts, youâre very sweetâ. And my response was âI love you so much, that all I want, is to make you happy no matter what your decision isâ. Right away, I could hear her choking up. She started saying she stills loves me and that Iâm very important to her. And she made me promise to tell her if I ever start seeing new people. What does this mean?
The next day, I began the “No Contact” rule and focused on myself. In the evening, I went out with my friends to watch a movie. It was 10pm when in the middle of the movie, she called me twice, but I didnât answer any call. Then she texted me: âHi! I was just calling to see how you were doing, but I think youâre busy. When you can, call or text me. PS: I miss you :(â. It was the first time sheâs said she misses me since the trip! I waited for the movie to be over so I can text back. My response was: âHey! I was at the movies, sorry. I watched Anchorman 2 with some friends, it was hilarious!â. We had a nice conversation, but I didn’t want to get so close to her yet because I was afraid she might friendzone me. That night, I logged on to Facebook and I noticed that a few minutes after she tried to call me, she posted on her sisterâs wall that she misses her. And I remembered that every time we had a fight, she would post âI miss you :(â on her sisterâs wall. Is she missing her sister or ME? It was very comforting to know that her trip made her miss me more instead of falling more for the new guy.
The next day, she send me a text message saying “I went bike riding again. My brother is really happy for your gift. Thank you! :)”. I didn’t want to respond, because I read the “No Contact” time takes a few weeks to work. Then, she tried to call me, but I didn’t answer. Then, she send me a text message saying: “I think you’re still busy, I just wanted to know when can I give you your Christmas present :/ Write me back when you can, bye!” I felt horrible, but I didnât want her to feel lonely and ignored. In the evening, she texted me: âHey, how are you? I hope we can catch up on Christmas. Hope youâre well. Iâm not feeling so great :(â This had me really concerned so I HAD to reply her back: âIâm good đ Iâm going skating with a friend tomorrow đ What happened? Are you okay?â She replied: âHey silly, Iâm back in town early. I feel very confused right nowâ I replied: âI know how youâre feeling, but I just want to give you your space, so you can be happy.â And she said: âI donât want to make you anymore harm, but I really miss you! Can I call you? So she called me and we talked about half an hour. I told her âThe day I begged you, you said you didnât want to make the same mistakes again. Now I understand, those werenât your mistakes, they were MINE. I acted like fool these last months. Iâm really sorry.â She said that was the most moving and mature thing I had ever said. She started crying and saying she was sorry too. She promised me she would get me the guitar pedal I always wanted as soon as possible.
Christmas was hard without her, but exactly at midnight, she send me an inbox of 2 paragraphs wishing me Merry Christmas and that sheâs really happy Iâm closer with my family. I didnât respond for 3 reasons: I wanted to respect the no contact rule, I didnât want to seem needy, and I didnât want to get friendzoned. Then his little brother send me an inbox wishing me Merry Christmas and he hopes to see me soon because he misses me. Itâs good to know my exâs family miss me.
That week was pretty good for me, I focused on myself and did a lot of stuff Iâve always wanted to do. We were going so well I didnât want to mess things up by writting her love messages, so I blocked her from Whatsapp so the no contact rule could really work. The 30th, she texted me âThanks for blocking me, I had something important to tell youâ. She was pretty pissed, so I called her to calm her down and explain that I didnât want to complicate things by speaking my heart out. She calmed down and later said âNo, Iâm sorry. I was being over dramatic. I care about you a lot and I donât want to hurt you more by telling you what happenedâ. I dont know if I did the right thing or not by blocking her⌠and I still canât get my mind off of what she was going to say! What do you think?
New Yearâs Eve was fun, I went to the beach with some friends to spend the night, but my cellphoneâs battery was dead. I figured this was good because I would seem âbusyâ. On January 2nd, a few hours before my trip to Machu Picchu, she called me wishing me Happy New Year and a nice trip. She said she was trying to call me on New Yearâs Eve, but I explained to her my battery was dead. She started talking about his boyfriend and I couldnât help getting jealous. At this point, I felt like I was losing her and we kinda started arguing. After a few minutes, I told her my cab just arrived and we hung up.
After the first night of the trip, I texted her âSorry about last night, I was feeling weak, but today Iâve meditated enough to see life is beautiful and things happen for a reasonâ. The whole trip was eye-opening for me and it helped me think about myslef more. After that, everything has been great, we started texting again like we used to. Every night, we would talk about our day. I even uploaded some selfies and she said I looked very handsome! She also told me her best friend was coming from Germany on February and it would be great if was there. Then she asked me if I got home safe and sound. I said I was great, then I asked her how she was, and she said she had a great day with the family (despite writting a sad face on her WhatsApp status). I told her I had a great trip and that I wanted to catch up this week because I wanted to tell her everything about the trip. She said she would be glad to see me again! One thing that concerns me is that her birthday is this Thursday. Should we meet BEFORE or AFTER her birthday?
Iâm really nervous, but at the same time Iâm confident things will turn out fine. I was planning on meeting her at a Starbucks and just talk and act cool like James Bond. The next week maybe we could watch a movie, and the 3rd âdateâ maybe go to the beach and afterwards I would pop the question if she wants to give it another try. But Iâm just spitballing here.
Overall, my questions are:
1) What does she feel for me?
2) What did she mean when she made me promise to tell her if I ever start someone new?
3) What do you think she was going to tell me on December 30th?
4) When should we meet? Is it too soon?
5) What should I do for her birthday?
6) When will her rebound relationship end? (It’s been 3 weeks since she’s been in a rebound relationship).
7) When should I pop the question?
8) what’s my next step? What is my plan?
P.S.: Yesterday my ex changed her relationship status with her boyfriend from public to private. My best guess is she isnât happy with the new relationship.
admin
January 7, 2014 at 6:34 pm
Hey man, I am actually working on something right now for guys. I am hoping to have it completed within a week. If you give me your email I can send you the link to it when I finish.
Gee
January 18, 2014 at 2:59 pm
As a female I can tell you… Sometimes you really do love somebody… But you meet someone else and think the grass is greener only to find out it’s not…. She needs to make up her mind… U sound like a great guy that deserves better… Could you really ever trust her after this? Sometimes the hardest thing to do is walk away but when one door closes another opens
admin
January 20, 2014 at 12:35 am
No I definitely think THE hardest thing to do is to walk away when you love someone with that much intensity…
Other than that I tend to agree with everything you said.
Actually I wish more poeple would comment on others situations.
Sir_Sleep
January 9, 2014 at 12:12 am
Do you think this guy would have doomed himself if he went mental and sent her a horrid text the night he found out she was seeing someone else….? That’s what I did, and I can’t help but to think things would’ve got back together if I’d just waited 5 more mins to calm down!!