How To Handle Every Situation During The No Contact Rule- A Comprehnsive Guide

1,044 thoughts on “How To Handle Every Situation During The No Contact Rule”

Nicole

October 2, 2019 at 7:02 pm

Hi guys! So my ex boyfriend and I were together for almost a year and a half. We had a great relationship, never fought or had any problems, and then about a month ago, he was going through some personal issues. He asked for space and to take a break but promised me it was only temporary and that he’d come back. Recently, he said he wanted to be friends until he graduates in a couple months but then told me we would work on things and try and make it work. He didn’t put much effort in and broke it off yesterday saying he doesn’t have those feelings for me anymore. I decided that I’d start NC. Do you think it has potential to work in this situation? Thanks! 🙂

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 2, 2019 at 8:01 pm

Hi Nicole, so if you want him back then doing NC and working on yourself is the way to give you, your best chance. Read some articles here that apply to your situation and how to plan your texts to send to him after NC

Marina

October 1, 2019 at 11:10 pm

Hi Chris,
He broke up with me 8 days ago. Madly in love 1 1/2 year dating moved across state because he wanted to marry me and propose soon. 6 months into it he gets cold feet saying he’s not enough to be a husband and he’ll fail at it. A lot of arguments and he was increasingly distant. We’re both very religious and he, while questioning his abilities has now questioned God. He’s not sure what to do with any of it and believes he needs to be by himself to figure it out but is considering abandoning faith. He says he knows he’ll regret leaving me and he’s still in love with me. But if things change to where he’s closer to the person he was 6 months ago he’ll fight for me. Otherwise to live my life. He texted me today about if I have been using our shared calendar. I deleted it a week ago and the app tells you when and who adds items. Should I break NC?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 2, 2019 at 6:11 pm

Hi Marina, no dont break NC follow through and work on yourself.

Jessica

September 23, 2019 at 6:35 pm

Hiii!

So my ex broke up with me 5 days ago and it’s my birthday tomorrow. Been pretty good about keeping NC but should I reply if he contacts me? Or ignore? We ended on good terms because we care about eachother but it’s a LDR. So I do miss him and I don’t want to break NC but I also don’t want to make him think bad of me if I don’t reply since we ended in good terms. Thoughts? 🙂

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

September 23, 2019 at 6:40 pm

Hi Jess, you can reply “Thanks” but thats it no more conversation and continue with your NC

Emma

August 26, 2019 at 10:11 am

Hi Chris, I stumbled upon your website 2 weeks ago and did the NC rule without realising, however my ex messaged me after 12 days saying ‘hope you’re okay’, I responded after a day and then eventually we spoke on the phone which ended in an argument and me basically begging for him back (I’m not pleased about this). He hung up the phone on me and since then I’ve carried on the NC rule and it’s been a month since that incident and I haven’t heard from him. Have I ruined my chances to get back with him? We’ve been broken up for almost 2 months and it’s getting too much. He said he has anxiety issues. We’ve been together for 4.5 years and we broke up once last year due to him dealing with personal issues.
De

August 5, 2019 at 6:06 pm

So, I was seeing my ex for little over a year, you could say we were almost living in together untill I moved to another city for work.
I have walked out on him several times in the past – mostly projected my deep routed insecurities onto the relationship and we ended up getting back together at the max after a week. I have often ignored him completely leaving him distraught and hurt during that period till we got back. However, this time around when I did break up with him he refuses to get back and is not able to point out the exact reason for the same (he arrived on this decision by contemplating over it for about a month during which I did say a lot of mean things) He feels I expect too much and says he’s been suffering from depression – wants to work on himself. He further claimed he has no feelings for me but cares for me deeply. Since I was super upset over the news he even hopped onto a flight to come see me but maintained he did it because he cared and was guilty but it wasn’t out of love. He has his flaws but now I see he was extremely caring and IV made a huge mistake. It’s been a week since he made up his mind – IV begged and cried but it obviously isn’t helping. I offered to go spend some time with him to which he agreed at first and later on declined the same. Should I try the no contact rule? He called me day before just to say hello but hasn’t initiated contact since. I’m too keeping my distance and havent contacted him since.
Boy

August 5, 2019 at 1:44 pm

I’m just in the opposite situation. Boy meets girl a couple of years ago, both live in different countries and continents and rarely stay in touch but there was a good connection. Girl approaches boy earlier this year, she’s in my continent now barely 2h away and while living in different countries they make a trip together for 3 weeks, day and nights: very intense, sex, love, passion, fun, good times, no discussions. Life questions from girl to boy throughout the travel, we have similar values. Boy saw her as a potential “the one”, someone to share life with and really loves her, falls in love. She’s mid-thirties and might know what she wants but at the same time she’s meeting a lot of people and taking part in many events.

Before the end of the trip girl says better be friends cause she doesn’t see any future being between us in the distance and she doesn’t want a distance relationship as she had one and it didn’t work. But the connection is still there the love, the sex, the affection. Boy feels doubts in the girl, current distance is short and can be managed and even removed. But distance will be there again in 6 months time only to be shortened again soon.

After returning from the trip connection is kept via Whatsapp and calls but things slightly getting cold and spaced out in time. Boy is the one sending messages most of the time trying to engage her, maybe showing him as clingy or needy despite that didn’t happen while traveling together.

The girl who was replying in a few minutes and giving a lot of conversation now only responds with monosyllable or emojis without engaging. Boy doesn’t have social media account but checking the URL he see girl is uploading new material every day.

Boy decides to apply no contact rule. After 7 days, girl texts back asking how things are. Boy is happy for the message but takes 1 day to reply in a very polite and concise way and asks about her. Gir replies with a few words. Boy asks an open ended question to the girl which is responded 1 day later with a monosyllable, no engagement. She was connecting to whatsapp and replying to other conversations as per the ‘last seen’, it seems.

What boy really wants is to remove the distance and meet often and travel together again to ensure the connection is real. Boy is not afraid to follow her or move if things work out..

What should boy do next?
1. Boy jokes around and sends some funny response that could be 2-3 messages.
2. Boy calls her, although he has not much to tell. She’s currently on vacation.
3, Given the 1 word response, boy stops contact again.

I know the NC rule is mostly applicable to relationships and in some ways, we had a very short and intense one but there was never a breakup nor we were officially considered a couple although the girl opened her world to the boy and viceversa.

What should boy do? Please advice.

Boy would like to go with #1, adding some pictures and so on but this could ego-lift her or still show clingyness and neediness. Going with 3 boy would suffer a lot, as he’s been thinking about the girl all the time after the trip and still has unpleasant sleep and wakes up in the middle of the night longing for her. Boy is romantic.

Thanks in advance,
Boy
Hope Clairemont

July 27, 2019 at 8:57 am

Hello Sir, well done, well I’ve read about your work several times, but I am inquiring about the specific situation am currently in which has been there for about one year and a half, can I start the NC rule when we’ve been talking well with my boyfriend, and early this Jan, he told me I was just his friend, no feelings attached but he keeps receiving all the gifts I send e.g a nice sweater, he asks for money from me of which am demanding him some now, besides I do initiate all the communication like texts and calls NB : OUR relationship was distorted by a go between, who is a woman of six children and that’s where we initially met at her shop, things changed later as she began circulating rumors among the triangle!!!
Cec

July 23, 2019 at 7:23 am

My ex and i want to become friends but im doing no contact now. He made it clear that he’s not sure of coming back to me in the near future. Should i still be friends with him and possibly hurt myself in the process? He said that he’s open to getting back together but also open to other people as well. What do i do?
b

July 22, 2019 at 11:10 am

hi chris, my ex broke up with me two weeks ago and we’ve been in contact since. He broke it off though he said that he wants to remain friends. We agreed that we’ll be open to getting back together if our friendship becomes stronger. We’ve been fighting a lot since the breakup and both of us have grown tired of fighting. We agreed to give each other space for now, he’s unsure if he’ll want a relationship with me in the future. Will NC still work?

Chris Seiter

July 22, 2019 at 2:38 pm

Hi B….So sometimes its best to change our strategy if things are getting worse or not working. I think NC would be the right move provided you implement it the way I teach it in my Program.

abby

July 22, 2019 at 6:51 am

Is it okay to text him during NC, to check if he is alright. It is going to be his father’s death anniversary soon and I know it is a difficult time for him. Would it make me seem very rude if I don’t send a message or call and check up on him on that day?

Chris Seiter

July 22, 2019 at 2:42 pm

Usually it’s best not to make an exception during NC, though every situation is unique and this might be a case in which you send a short supportive message

Lucy

July 19, 2019 at 9:07 pm

Hey Chris

I’m on day 10 of NC. And he’s called twice and sent a text saying “Been thinking of you” on days 4 and 5. Since then it’s been silent. He reached out to my roommate for our address because he wants to send me something. What do I do? Do I thank him for sending me something?

Chris Seiter

July 20, 2019 at 12:04 am

Hi Lucy….usually you don’t want to break No Contact, though there are exception as to when its appropriate to do so. I talk about seven factors to consider in my eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book”. Things like frequency of positive messages, how you are progressing with your recovery, how bad the breakup was, the history of the relationship in terms of how long your were together and how well it has gone, whether there has been breakups in the past, etc.

Rebecca

July 17, 2019 at 3:46 pm

Hi Chris,
I’m on day 22 of NC. He’s been calling me for a week now and I’m doing pretty good ignoring the calls. However, his birthday is coming up on the 31st day of NC; is it ok to finally break NC?

Chris Seiter

July 18, 2019 at 12:11 am

Hi Rebecca…so in my eBook “No Contact Rule Book” I talk about this kind of situation and others like it. Depending on several factors, you might want to make an exception. The key thing is if his contacts have been positive in nature. There are other things to consider like the longevity of the relationship and how you broke up, etc. But it certainly is something you might want to do.

Ashley

May 28, 2019 at 9:35 pm

Hi Chris,

My boyfriend of 10 years broke up with me in March. A few times he stated he wanted to try to fix things and then would change his mind a few days later and say we were better off as friends. I moved out on the 24th but left my dogs there as I could not take them with me. The agreement was I would go over after work, when he was not there, to see them. I went over today and he got off work early and showed up. I kept the conversation simple and about the dogs. He told me I could stay to hang out but I declined and said I had to go. How do you handle a situation like this during the no contact phase. We have been doing NC for 3 days.
Maria

May 21, 2019 at 3:03 am

Hi Chris,
My ex-boyfriend is the son of an alcoholic and is even starting to have issues with alcoholism himself. This means he struggles with abandonment and other mental issues, Would it be fair to implement NC in this case? Also, before if he was upset he would purposely go out if his way to mention how much he wanted a drink and how he would be going to a bar at that moment. He would say these things knowing it would hurt and worry me and I don’t know what to do if he tries this again when I implement NC
Analesa

May 16, 2019 at 12:24 pm

Hi!!! My ex texted me on day ten saying hey but I stood my ground and didn’t respond but now it’s day 17 and he texted me saying I hope you have a great day.. is it okay to respond to that? Or should I just keep going?
Katie

May 12, 2019 at 7:43 pm

My ex broke up with me randomly about 4 weeks ago, I still love him and we ended up sleeping together twice although the only reason for the break up was because he had issues in the bedroom. So I thought this would get him back…but still needs time to sort out his head. It’s been 2 days into my NCR and he starting creeping on my social media. We work together and was bestfriends before getting together, so I miss him as my boyfriend and my bestfriend like a huge part of me is missing. I don’t think I can get him back as I made too many mistakes but I’m going to try!

Chris Seiter

May 13, 2019 at 3:31 pm

Hi Katie…so it seems you are making some progress. I hope you are using my Pro Bundle Program!

Jennifer L.

February 18, 2019 at 8:48 am

Hi Chris,
Does no contact even matter when a man breaks up with a woman (especially in a cowardly way) in a long distance relationship? If there are no mutual friends and no social media, doesn’t the guy forget all about the girl since there’s no chance of running into each other or seeing her life online? My thought is that if he’s walking away, it’s for a reason. so why would he care if she doesn’t contact him for however many days, or ever again? How would this radio silence even work if he walked away first? It would be dangerous for her to reach out given the possibility of a negative (if any) response.
Sophie

December 25, 2018 at 11:13 pm

Should I be discouraged by him not wishing me a happy Christmas on Christmas day. I didn’t break NC to message him either but was disheartened when he didn’t send me one. I’m 5 days into NC. We haven’t talked for 5 days. We broke up 4 weeks ago due to him not being romantically interested after 4 years and said it “just wasn’t working”

Chris Seiter

December 25, 2018 at 11:22 pm

Hi Sophie…..Its OK….he is probably thinking the same thing. You do have my 485 page eBook, “EBR PRO”, right?

Sophie

December 25, 2018 at 3:58 pm

Hi my ex broke up with me at the end of November randomly (after 4 years) because he said he isn’t romantically interested and it wasn’t working . I was clingy in the relationship but he had reassured me often he loved me.Idid NC for 3 weeks and then asked him to meet. We had a fight when he denied because he says it unnesary to meet and I restarted NC after saying I’ll work on myself and be his friend when I’m better. He never tries to contact me and is very stubborn. I plan to NC until February and then arrange to meet again. Is this a good plan or should I be worried that he doesn’t try contacting me?

Chris Seiter

December 25, 2018 at 11:31 pm

Hi Sophie…so 4 years together is some solid time together which puts down roots and may come into play later. I hope you have my eBook, EBR PRO, as it will help you through this process given its many elements!

Shara Cazon

November 13, 2018 at 4:10 am

Hi Chris, I just broke up with my fiancee I’ve been living with for 3 years. Officially he left our house yesterday. I broke up with him because I caught him chatting with a girl on Facebook. (It was an online relationship only but I decided to broke up because it wasn’t the first time). But I still want him back because he is really flirty with girls but he’s a nice guy. He have done a lot great things to me and my family. On our downfall when our dad left, he was there, he had been like a father to my younger siblings and helped me to where I am now.

I felt like, I had been spoiling him because I have been so easy on and soft on him even when he commits mistake. That’s why I wanna do the NC to make him realize what he did and at the same time improve myself.

I never talked to him since he left, and os as he. But just today, he kept messaging me on facebook, because I shutdown my phone, but I ignore it. Telling he was sick, if I no longer cares for him. My plan was to ignore him, but when asked about our dog. My heart melt, and I replied to him. But it wasn’t an emptional response, maybe 5% emotional. Like I told him ” I pity him and I do care. But it was his choice to neglect and cheat on me”

My question, did I just lost my chance of making him realize? Is it still okay if I start my NC?

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1,044 thoughts on “How To Handle Every Situation During The No Contact Rule”