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The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
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The Ungettable Girl
The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)
The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule
The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means
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Crystal
April 3, 2015 at 3:42 pm
Hi! My name is Crystal. My husband left me 3 months ago.he is staying at his uncles house. We have been married almost 19 years been together for 20 years. We have a 17 year old son. We have been having problems for awhile. He is a alcoholic. And we would have a lot of arguments when he would be drinking. And we have arguments about financial problems. He is emotionally and verbally abusive and yes he does blame me for the separation. But I know that he can be that loving person I met 20 years ago and I want us to try to work things out and make our marriage work. I don’t believe in divorce and he doesn’t know if/when he wants to come back home. He wants me to give him space so he can think. What advice can you give me? I’m hurting through all of this and I miss him terribly and so does our son. Thank you
admin
April 7, 2015 at 8:30 pm
Are you sure you want to be with someone who is so abusive towards you?
Crystal
April 8, 2015 at 12:49 am
We decided to divorce. The more I thought about it the more I realized I deserve better.and he finally admitted he had no intentions of ever coming back.
Crystal
April 3, 2015 at 6:56 pm
I feel that I need to add that he only took 3 pairs of pants, 4shirts, his socks and pillow with him.he left all of his other personal belongings here at home. It is very hard to look at all of his belongings day in day out and not knowing if he is gonna decide to come home or not.
Crystal
April 3, 2015 at 4:43 pm
I feel I need to add that he left all of his personal belongings here at home. The only things he took were a pack of socks, 3 pairs of pants , 4 shirts and his pillow.i don’t know what to make of it. It hurts to see all of his belongings here as if he is still here and he doesn’t know if he’s gonna come back or not.
Vanessa
April 2, 2015 at 1:45 pm
My husband and I have been together for 20 years, 12 of those as a married couple. We have two sons together. He left about 5 weeks ago saying he needed a break from our marriage and he wasn’t happy anymore. I later found out he had been cheating. I had asked him on numerous occasions and my children had also asked him if he was seeing anyone. He always replied no. I asked him continually to come home or do counselling together it was always met with a maybe or we’ll see. I later learned that he was living with this woman. We work at the same place and text daily about the children. Even after I had the evidence that he was seeing her before he left he continued to deny it. It wasn’t until I cut contact with him and went away with the children for a few days that he started calling and texting me constantly. The boys refused to speak to him or see him. We came home and he wanted to come to our house to visit the boys, I agreed. We all talked and got along well. He told me he wasn’t with her anymore and that he loved me and wanted to come home but didn’t think he could because of what he had done to our family. He started emailing me at work saying he wanted to have sex with me. That night we did sleep together, and the next two nights we also had sex. Every time he would leave and go back to her. He is still seeing her. He is also saying he is confused and doesn’t know what he wants. The NC rule seems extremely difficult in my situation, I realise I need it for my own sanity, but being intimate with him again feels right too. I’m lost and confused at the moment
admin
April 3, 2015 at 1:00 am
DO NOT SLEEP WITH HIM ANYMORE…
He is taking advantage of you.
Mia
March 26, 2015 at 10:56 pm
I was with my ex husband for 10 years and we were married for 4.5 yrs. we were planing to start a family and then he ask for a divorce. We have been divorced for about 5 months. I still love and he said if I did not like fighting do much we would still be together. I found out he had an affair and he said it’s because of all the arguments at home that’s why it happened. We have slept together after the divorce but I stopped it. I love him and I really want us together back together and start the family that we wanted. But I don’t know
If I should try to get him back. Please help me out.
admin
March 29, 2015 at 3:10 pm
Why did he ask for the divorce?
Mia
March 30, 2015 at 5:34 pm
We had fight and I got him arrested. He said we argue to much and he could do anymore. Last week he told me if it wasn’t for all the arguing and the nagging we would still be together. I don’t know what to do. Help Help
Mia
April 1, 2015 at 6:49 pm
What should I do?
Dana
March 26, 2015 at 1:12 pm
Two weeks ago, my husband left saying he needed space and was going to stay at his dad’s. He says that he feels like he can’t do anything right due to my complaining. He left on a Friday. We went to counseling three days later- Monday. He told the counselor he wasn’t sure if he wanted to continue the marriage and that he was going to stay at his dad’s until our next appointment. We have maintained conversation. Texting daily. Most times the conversations are either silly or tense.
That following Sunday, he came over and helped me with some projects around the house. He said he still loved me, but he didn’t know if we could work. Said we would talk about him spending the night at home again this weekend. We made plans to go to dinner the next night. Following those plans, he left the house and drove to a city a couple hours away. He got a hotel both nights and the credit card purchases seem like there were two people eating. He text me the day we were supposed to go out and said he would be busy. Admitted where he was, but would never say who with. We barely talked Monday and Tuesday.
Wednesday night, I text him letting him know that I was having a male friend come over to visit and just wanted to make sure he was ok with it. He started talking immediately. But every time I ask him something, I keep getting super vague answers!! Example:
Me: do you love me?
Him: I’m not sure, I’m pretty sure I do. But I’m also pretty sure this isn’t going to work out.
He will not give any firm answers to what he’s thinking or what he’s going to do. I don’t know if I should start on the steps you described, or if I’m missing something…
Also, Sunday is when he transitions from night shift back to days. It’s also the day his son is supposed to come back from his moms from spring break. I feel like maybe there’s a woman on nights with him, and he doesn’t want to give me a firm answer until he switches back to days. I’m going crazy.
admin
March 31, 2015 at 8:40 pm
I just have a feeling NC would work wonders on him!
Maybe limited contact or a shortened NC if you are too afraid to take that step.
Julia
March 23, 2015 at 12:50 am
Hi Chris,
I noticed there is not a “go out and date” rule on this page compared to the ex-boyfriend pages.
I put a profile up online and I cant tell you how much more confidence I have this week. Guys are tripping over themselves to talk to me. But I dont want any of them – I want my husband.
Do you think being there is a bad idea since we’re married? If he found out I mean. He has told me he wants to date. I just dont want to blow any progress I’ve made.
admin
March 24, 2015 at 8:28 pm
Hmm that is a tough one.
I am more hesitant to recommend that to a married woman as opposed to a broken up with girlfriend.
However, I think a little jealousy isn’t a bad thing in this case. Maybe use Facebook to get some jealousy flowing.
Julia
March 24, 2015 at 11:20 pm
Thanks again – you taking the time to answer all of us – amazing.
I dont know if he’s dating yet – or if he just said that to push me away (it was during my “pathetic girl” stage).
He told my daughter: “I dont want your mom to ever think that i am cheating on her, or that i would cheat on her or that i did cheat on her – i would never do that”
or something along those lines.
i think you’re right. messing with that right now could eff things up worse.
thanks 🙂
admin
March 31, 2015 at 7:01 pm
To be honest I wish I was better and more responsive.
It’s just hard to get to everyone in 24 hours lately.
Julia
April 7, 2015 at 5:14 pm
Don’t fret – you’re doing amazing.
He seems to be coming around. We have had a few heart to hearts. I told him Saturday that he knew what I wanted for us and our marriage, but I wasn’t going to sit there and be taken advantage of and that I’ll do my thing – you do your thing and when you figure it out let me know.
Yesterday he was very mournful about things – almost like he’s crashing from this insanity over the last 5 weeks. Friday night he made out with me like crazy… but then went to a dinner thing with her. I told him it upset me and I felt hurt. Last night he tried to have phone sx with me… and I said I don’t want to be taken advantage of. He said that he doesn’t want that either… and that if he came over he wouldn’t leave – he wouldn’t do that to me. He said that for now – he’s trying to build a bridge with me with something that we are familiar with and really good at – “build up something” he said.
So communication and reconnection are getting stronger. His feelings are getting stronger. I’ve tried the memory text and he said “yah that was a good memory”. just now I put a daydream idea in his head for the summer… He has to dump that floozy girlfriend he’s with – though he insists he is not sleeping with her.
He knows that I know my self worth now and will not be with him if he’s still with her. He seems shaken these past 2 days. So the weekend went from Friday saying he’s not ready to “try” to Monday night saying he wants to build something. I do feel his emotional health is not good.
Do you have any information regarding mid-life crisis? I’m just trying to be patient and understanding – but don’t want to be used in the process.
thanks 😉
Julia
March 23, 2015 at 12:51 am
he wants to date other women i meant! :p
admin
March 24, 2015 at 8:29 pm
Ya…
I am split on this because one side of me wants to say go out and show him who has the real game (YOU)
On the other hand I don’t think either of you should be dating.
Technically you can get away with it b/c he is doing it first.
Katie
March 20, 2015 at 2:55 pm
Hi,
My husband and I have been together for four years. Our relationship progressed very slowly because he had a hard time trusting people. We were friends for a long time before we began dating. After two years of dating, we moved in together and things went great! Last July, he proposed very impulsively and we got married very shortly after. Since we got married, we had a miscarriage, his best friend died, I was hospitalized with complications from the miscarriage for almost two weeks, I gained weight, and we were dealing with a number of family problems. For instance, my 17 year old sister moved in with us for a short while. During this time, I was always working a lot and so it was a struggle to spend time together during the week. After the holidays, I could slowly feel him pulling away. We have been through so much together in the few short months we have been married and I think it just absolutely overwhelmed both of us.
One weekend we went away on a short weekend trip and he dropped the bomb that “he loved me, but was no longer in love…” After a very tumultuous week he decided that he would move out with a friend and we would still try to work on our marriage. He moved out on our four year anniversary.
Now he is questioning whether he wants to be married at all. We talk daily, see each several times a week and sometimes it seems like almost nothing has changed. Others, he is so distant he will not touch me and will barely talk. The old game of hot and cold.
I really do not know how to handle the situation because we do not hate each other and we are still in constant contact. I just feel powerless. I want him back more than anything and I think we both are just digesting such a rough first six months of marriage.
Any help would be much appreciated,
Thanks!
Katie
admin
March 22, 2015 at 4:24 pm
I am so sorry you went through such a tough time after you got married.
Have you been seeing a marriage therapist?
Going to couples counseling?
I think that would be a positive step.
kanary
March 17, 2015 at 8:32 pm
how will the no contact rule differ if my husband is deployed?
admin
March 18, 2015 at 9:05 pm
No difference…
Is he allowed to have a fun overseas?
Nanette
March 13, 2015 at 1:03 pm
My husband and I were married for 29 yrs and together for over 30 yrs. We basically grew up together. I divorced him almost 2 yrs ago after I found out about a 8 mo relationship with a girl 22 yrs younger than us both. During his affair it became noticeable that he was emotionally detached from me, didn’t give me any of his time when he was home, seemed like he was being sneaky but I believed what he told me and no matter how much I threw myself at him he didn’t want to touch me. He did one time 5 mos before our divorce and it shut off immediately after even though it was the hottest sex I had in mos. He denied the affair at first until I showed him the damaging evidence. He begged me for my forgiveness and a chance to reconcile. I laid in bed that night and told him what young girls want from an older man. I told him she would never work, she would get pregnant to ensure she didn’t have to work and she would leave him once she was finished with him. So, we set up marriage counselling for 2 times a week. After one month of not ever going once, I asked him if we were ever going to go. His reply was, “you have to want it”. That hurt, so I asked him to leave and a month and a half later we were divorced.
He had another affair after our daughter was born, but I forgave him. I was spending too much time with the baby, working a full time job, going to night school and taking care of the household needs and neglecting his needs. He begged for us to go to counseling and we did. It turned out fine and then we had the best 25 yrs of life. I trusted him solely.
I was angry, hurt, and he would never give me a reason why, except he just wasn’t happy anymore. Plus, he told me that after our last sexual encounter, he confided in his mistress and she forbade him from having sex with me ever again. That hurt even more. He cashed out our life insurance policy, left me with all the bills in my name, both our names and left me financially devastated which made me angrier at him. I was also angry at her and we had some terrible episodes up until the divorce and a few months after. Then she forbade him to have any contact with me at all. I do still contact him and I know he listens to me. I keep him updated on our children and I recently got him to reconnect with our son after over a year of no contact. The last thing I sent him was a thank you email for getting a relationship back with our son. He has a relationship with our daughter, but it’s not very good. He babysits our granddaughter so her son can have someone to play with and it’s only once a month. The last time he got together with our daughter, she got a DUI, wrecked the car she just bought, which wasn’t insured, and hit a parked car in the driveway before going through the foundation of their house. Now she doesn’t have driving privileges, has to walk to work, has a driving record, has to carry insurance even though she cannot drive, and also had to abandon her medical career. She confided in me that she had a bad feeling before going out with him and his wife that night this last Oct.
So far, I’ve been right about everything I laid in bed that night and told him about young girls. After all, she had just done the same exact thing to her previous husband. She broke up a 22 yr marriage with him and did the same exact things. She never worked, got pregnant as soon as his youngest was ready for Kindergarten and then left him 4 yrs later for my husband. Now to date, with my ex-husband, she’s never worked and got pregnant, but lost it right when her son was ready for Kindergarten, and now she’s talked him into trying to conceive a child because she doesn’t wan’t her son to grow up alone. Should I just wait for the marriage to implode? Cause I know that is what is definitely next.
After all of this messy stuff, I realize that I do still love him. I want our sense of family back and I know the kids do also. They tell me to let it be, to stop talking about it, that their dad seems happy and to just move on. Do I have a chance to get him back even though he will be remarried to this young girl almost 2 yrs now? I can’t wait another 6 yrs for my ex-husband to come back to me after this farce of a marriage implodes. I know in my heart that she is wrong for him.
admin
March 13, 2015 at 9:32 pm
I think you are right that she is wrong for him.
However, my question to you is if you really want him back or not or do you just want him because he has some other woman right now?
anika
February 27, 2015 at 3:32 pm
Hi Chris,
my situation is a little tricky.
after a year of marriage my husband and I got separated. And he wants a divorce after this 1.5 months of separation. The thing is he loves me very much and he admits it. But his family and friends have been brainwashing him to leave me. Although he says that its his decision to go ahead with the divorce I somehow know that he has been brainwashed and after living with him for a year I know how much he is influenced by his parents and his sister. What do I do to get him back? We are long distance since we separated. And I have been implementing NC rule also. But it doesn’t seem to affect him. Any suggestions?
Xiomara
February 26, 2015 at 11:31 pm
I have being married for 7 years and been together for 9. August 2014 he asked for divorce and his excuse was that he didn’t like my attitude. I went there and we tried to make it work but I knew he had a lot of resentment towards me. In january of this year he told me that he was done. He didn’t saw any hope. Every time I ask for an explination he keeps changing his version. Right now we are separated. I don’t know how to rekindle our love. I know that fights and distance kills a lot (he is in the military)
admin
March 1, 2015 at 6:37 pm
I don’t think your getting the whole story from him.
kanary
February 21, 2015 at 11:55 pm
This will be the third time my husband has broken up with me. I made the mistake of doing all the cardinal sin’s you have mentioned in your other article. I was over emotional because my needs weren’t met. He was no longer emotionally and physically attracted because i got fat and his attention went elsewhere. We argued a lot about this due to past infidelity and current emotional infidelity. I was too controlling because he would give me reasons to not trust him (cheating, texting flirty messages, deleted text messages). I admired him but i couldn’t constantly say nice things to him when he was treating me this way.
He is currently deployed and won’t be back until July. So i guess i have until July to become the hottest version of myself. I know you said to go 3 months without talking.. but since he won’t be back until July.. how will that work?
I also wanted to say thank you. I wish i came on this site sooner so i wasn’t making the same mistake over and over. I know what i have to fix (stop nagging, let him have his own independence, get myself back in shape, stop being so dependent on him, be happy because no one wants to be around someone thats sad or depressed, and to encourage him to do what makes him happy).
Gosh, this feeling sucks. I hope he will have a change of heart when he comes back.
admin
February 22, 2015 at 5:21 pm
I am sorry he broke up with you…
He actually cheated on you?
kanary
February 22, 2015 at 7:27 pm
yes, he cheated on me when we first started dating. Then after, it was emotional infidelity — just a lot of flirting through text messages. What do you think i should do?
admin
February 23, 2015 at 9:21 pm
LISTEN TO THE LATEST PODCAST EPISODE!
It’s all about a cheating husband…
kanary
February 26, 2015 at 7:57 pm
Do you think theres still a chance when he comes back from deployment? 5-6 months of not talking is a long time. isn’t it?
jenny
February 18, 2015 at 10:47 pm
I have been married to mu husband for 5 years. We have two biological children together, & I have a child from a previous relationship. As of two weeks ago my husband moved out. He said that he was tired of me getting mad every three months & of having to ask for permission to go out. He has closed the joint account & told our children that we 5 are no longer a family. When K ask for financial help he says to give him custody of the children because I can’t take care of them. He also said that in a month everything will be done. He has a new place, & lawyer. I have suggested marriage counseling but his one & only answer ever is “I have made my decision.”
Please help
admin
February 20, 2015 at 6:14 pm
Hmm…
Something tells me that there is more to this than he is letting on.
jenny
February 20, 2015 at 8:44 pm
Another women?!
admin
February 21, 2015 at 12:03 am
Maybe… maybe not though.
I think he just isn’t being fully honest with you about his breakup reasoning.
jenny
February 21, 2015 at 2:22 am
I’m extremely confused. He will txt and say to have a god day at work or bundle up because it’s cold. I just don’t txt back. He will call to make small talk. I just keep the conversations short. But as soon as I talk about financial help he turns very cold & distant. I don’t know if I should just let him go or hold on to hope?!
manisha
February 17, 2015 at 9:40 pm
hi….. I got married 2 years back. I met my husband just 3 months before my marriage as ours was an arranged marriage. six months after marriage me and my husband started getting adjustment problems. so one day my husband asked me to get divorced. and left me with my parents. I tried to contact him many times but he never answered. his parents pressurised my parents to sign the divorce. it’s been one and a half year that we are living separate but in same city he never called me, never tried to visit me. and he is adamant on getting divorced. do you think that this guide will work in my case. Thanx…..
admin
February 18, 2015 at 9:32 pm
What were some of the problems he cited?
manisha
February 19, 2015 at 10:43 am
hey thanks for replying. as we both r doctors by profession so usually we have very limited time for us. his family was expecting me to do all household things despite my busy schedule and also his mother never Allows both of us to go for outings and he is always on his mother’s side as she used to blackmail him emotionally.
manisha
February 19, 2015 at 10:50 am
I was trying to adjust but he never helped me. and one day we have a fight on all these issues and then he under his parents influence asked me for divorce. he and his parents also use my whole salary. and they wanted even more from my parents. there’s a taboo of dowry in our culture, so they always tell me they didn’t get enough money as per their expectations.
Ayesha
February 14, 2015 at 9:58 am
Hi Chris,
Thank you for such a helpful website. Whenever I lose hope of getting my husband back,I read your guides and kinda feel positive.
I would like to share my story in short . Can u please help me with a few questions regarding my husband and my marriage?
So I wouldn’t call my husband my ex, because we are not yet divorced and for me he is still my husband not an ex husband.
Firstly In my culture we have a system of arranged marriage,where basically our parents look for a suitable match for their children and get them married. So mine was an arranged marriage and I knew my husband for only six months before we got married. It’s been a year since our wedding and since then we have been fighting a lot. We disagree on almost everything. Although we loved each other like crazy. We had an amazing sexlife. And he was more than happy with me in that area. But otherwise he had a lot of problems with me and constantly kept asking me to change. I changed a lot for him but it wasn’t enough. So we separated last month. It was his idea. I begged not to do it. But he was adamant. Now he has not contacted me since I left . And we are 300 miles apart. I called him and msgd him a few times (never asked him to take me back) he never responded. It was our first anniversary and he never answered my calls or texts. Now I have started NC. But a few days back he unfriended me on Facebook. Although my relatives n friends are still friends with him on facebook. He communicated through his parents to mine that he doesn’t want me back and it’s better that we get divorced.this was yesterday. I have not given any reaction to him on this.but I m really shattered to know this . He has just fallen out of love with me. We had so much to hold on to. But he is just giving up on me. I know for a fact that I have not been a good wife but I never meant to hurt him. I just wanted him to understand n support me. He has a bad aftertaste of this marriage and he is not ready to let go of it. Also there are a few people who trying to fill his heart with negativity for me. And he is very much influenced by them. Do u think I have lost him completely? Do u think he still loves me and will want to come back? What should be my next step to get him back? Please help me my life seems a big mess to me.
admin
February 16, 2015 at 10:54 pm
So, you two are technically like long distance right now?
Ayesha
February 17, 2015 at 5:46 pm
Yes we are long distance. And he refuses to speak to me.
And I made a huge mistake while I was waiting for ur response to my comment my husband called me two days back and I answered his call. I know I shouldn’t have broken the NC rule but I was very emotionally driven at that time so I just answered his call. And as I had expected he started with the blame game. He kept telling me how I was responsible for everything that happened. I took all the blames and tried to make him understand my situation and where he had been wrong but he got so angry . He said I was defending n justifying my acts. I could feel his anger through the phone. Looked like he just called me to vent out his anger.
So finally after some 5 hours of blame game we ended the call on a bad note where he was angry and I was hurt.
I messaged him yesterday since I came to know that he sold all my shares that he bought in my name. It was very hurtful. But again he started the blame game. And told me ” every time I speak to u ,u reassure me why I don’t wanna answer ur calls.” And then he blocked me on whatsapp.
During our first conversation he hinted that he his firmly considering divorce and that his family approves of it too.
Why did he call me if he had already decided to divorce? Do u think now everything. Is over and there are no chances I can get him back?
I want him but in a way where both of us realise and work on our faults and shortcomings. But he never agrees that he has also been wrong sometimes. He only wants me to change myself completely but never want to hear about his bad behaviour. How do I deal with this man? He is so stubborn and egoistic.
I love him very much and this marriage means a lot to me I just don’t wanna lose him. He seems to have adjusted to the idea of living without me and he has a huge support from his family. They keep putting bad things about me into his head. Specially his unmarried sister. She is envious and tries to take him away from me and he is influenced by her.
How do I get him back?
Do u think he will come back after our last conversation? I feel he hates me although he kept telling me that he hates himself for loving me but he also said he will try harder to forget me and fall out of love. Is it possible that he will forget about me?
Natalie
February 12, 2015 at 7:45 pm
My husband and I have been married for 12 years and we have 2 children. Before we got married we really didn’t date we were just really good friends that were always toget her and neither one of is saw anyone else. Then I got pregnant and we got married. Once we had our daughter I had to grow up and he still liked to go out and have his fun and I always had a problem with it. There times he would straighten up and then go right back to going out. Then when we would go out together sometimes I wanted to ome home around 11 and he always had a problem with that but the only reason was because he would be so drunk that I knew the night would only get worst the longer we stayet out. Then 7 years later we had our son and he stopped going out as much but he still had his extra circular activities, bowling, pool, and softball, that he did before we met. Before we had kids I always went with him to his activities but after it was hard to go when they were little. He has always thought that I had a problem with him doing them but I didn’t, it’s just it cost money and he was always gone at night. Then he started wanting to go to the bar after the activities and that when I had a problem and we would start arguing.
We seperated back in November and he decided to tell me he has been unhappy for 2 years which I had no clue and since he has moved out he has been very happy. He also started talking to a old friend of his in September and he basically said she has made him happier then he has been in a long time. They hang out together a lot now that he has moved out but he still says they are just friends. We had talked about getting divorced and I was about to go file but something stopped me because I felt like it was to soon and we needed to really think about this huge move and not file just because we are mad at the moment. He had started a new job in August where he was out of town 20 days a month and that was really hard bc it seemed like we argued more when he was gone then when he was in town but when he was in town he wanted to go hang out with friends most of the time. So I had a problem with that. After he left in Nov to go back to work thats when i found out about the “friend” he had been talking to from checking his cell phone records. He was mad that I checked his records bc he said that I’m going to get hurt from snooping. But I never would have known if I didn’t check them. We argued for the last few months and when he was in town for Christmas he wanted to take the kids to lunch several times but I wouldn’t let him bc all he talked about was he wanted them to meet his “friend” and I said umm NO… So he was mad saying I was keeping his kids from him. Then when he came home in January I decided to let him see them when ever he wanted to but only if he didn’t take them around her. He agreed. Then while in town he got a call the he got laid off so he has beeN in town since. At first he only saw the kids like 2 days and then didn’t call or text for like 3 days. Then he would show back up. People would tell me about seeing him out around town on those days that we didn’t hear from him and it would aggrivate me so bad but I wouldn’t text him about knowing. I also told him not to put any pictures of them on Facebook and he said they wouldn’t but in Dec she put one on there and tagged him and I flew off the handle and told him to make her take that down now.. She did but they both blocked me which is fine bc it better that way. Last month I looked at her Pinterest account and she was pinning love quotes and wedding rings and I made a comment on one of the pins saying “Are u talking about my husband?” Well she replied “Stalking again I see” … I finally had to delete my Pinterest acct bc i caught myself looking at her stuff everyday and I felt like she was doing it on purpose.
I have tried to sit down and talk to him about things and my feelings but it’s never a productive conversation. He just tells me we could never live together and it would never be the same. Since he has moved out I have lost 40 lbs, joined the gym, my house is spotless, got a job bc i was a stay at home mom, I cook dinner every night (his biggest complaint bc we ate out a lot).. I have made lots of changes to myself and he has noticed but he still doesn’t budge on come back home. Also his other problem is that I discussed our situation with a few friends well you know how that goes u tell one they tell all and he found out so right now none of his friends talk to him. I know I should have kept it to myself but that was hard bc we are in a close group of friends and I felt like I needed support. I have told him many times that I want him to come back home but he said he wouldn’t bc that’s what I want him to do. He is being very selfish right now. I’m not sure if he is still seeing his friend bc he told me the other day that I don’t have any clue on what’s going on with them. I do know someone has been texting her from prepaid numbers and she received a revenge letter full of glitter and I’m being blamed for it. I have only sent her about 10 messages since I found out about them but she never responded to any of them. I messaged her mom back in Nov bc i knew her and she apologized but they both lied to her says we had been seperated for 4 months prior to November. Of course she believes them and not me. I messaged her again in January bc i was fed up with my kids and I getting pit on the back burner and she apologized again but told me to quit trash talking her daughter. I just explained to her that her daughter had done wrong and she had helped ruined my family. I have been very adult about the situation bc many ppl have told me the things they would have done and I have not done any of those. I have no clue where the girl lives, what she drives, or where she hangs out. But I’m considered crazy bc i have text her. This girl was at my wedding and she was a FB friend for several years so she knew a lot about us. I could go on and on about her but I’m not bc I’m just wanting my husband back. He comes over a lot now to do random stuff at the house but he still make it very clear that we are seperated and he isn’t coming home. I have been trying to keep my mouth shut to friends about us now and I’m working on getting my life back in order. I guess I don’t need to tell him that I want him home anymore bc he already knows. And I am going to follow your steps on how to get him back. I really want us to go do something together but it’s like he doesn’t want to be seen out in public with me since we are seperated.
admin
February 16, 2015 at 10:28 pm
Yup, people to tend to talk.
I try not involving anyone with any situations in my own personal life because of this.
I think your situation is hard on you because you have kids and you married him for so long but can I ask you a question.
Does he get the sense that he can have you if he were to come back?
jan
February 11, 2015 at 8:41 pm
Thanks for your articles. I’m at the texting stage and stuck as I got no response to my first fond memory with some mystery attempt. Thoughts? We are separated 3 months still living in the same house and he has filed. No affair involved just grown apart
admin
February 16, 2015 at 9:50 pm
Hi Jan!
Thanks for commenting :).
How long were the two of you together?
Katrina
February 9, 2015 at 6:53 pm
Hey, I am hoping you can help me. My husband and I have been together 3 years, and married for 2 of them. We are young, I am 21 and he is 23. We have had problem in our marriage almost from the beginning. When we first started dating I was 18 and a single mother, with a 4 month old baby. We moved really quickly within the first 3 months of our relationship we moved in together, that when the first problem started. He cheated on me. Only once, but I forgave him, ( I’m realizing now I never truly forgave him. But I’ll explain later) when I found out he cheated, he was so upset, I feel he was honestly sorry for what he had done. We moved on from it, and got engaged 3 months later. (8 months into the relationship) we then got married exactly one year to the day we started dating. Now we loved each other so much, every moment together was amazing. He took my son as his own child, he treated me with the upmost respect and admiration. But the thing was I never really forgave him for cheating on me. And the biggest downfall of our marriage was my lack of trust in him. I got paranoid if he was 5 minutes late coming home I would get angry, and automatically accuse him of cheating. This went on to the point that he wouldn’t leave the house without me because he didn’t want to fight with me. ( yes I realize how absolutely insane I acted) our sex life went downhill shortly after. We stopped communicating. I would get angry. But he would sit there and take it. About 3 weeks before he left me, he started talking to an ex girlfriend again. Nothing physical just through text. I was so hurt that he would confide in her about the problem in our marriage, instead of taking to me about them, we got into a huge fight. I accused him of everything from not loving me to cheating on me with her. Although I knew it wasn’t true, I let the pain and distrust get to me. On January 3rd 2015 he left me. I called and texted a thousand times, I had an emotional breakdown. I begged and pleaded and cried and got angry at him when he wouldn’t answer a text message. At first he told me he would be willing to try to work things out, then all of a sudden it seemed he just changed his mind. He started hanging out with his old friends, drinking and partying. He blocked me on social media and stopped answering my texts. I was told he was hanging out with another girl the last couple weeks. And yesterday he told me he wanted a divorce.
I’m not really sure how to go about getting him back, I read this entire article and I am going to try everything you suggested. I realize a lot of the reason for the breakdown of our marriage was my inability to let go of or forgive the mistake he made 3 years ago. I’m just hoping you may have some advice for me, is it too soon to try and get him back? should I give him space to figure it out? I’ve txted him everyday since he left and it only seems to make things worst. I just feel like were both so young and It would be easy for him to just move on with someone else if I waited too long.. I’m so confused and hurt.
admin
February 10, 2015 at 3:31 pm
Hi Katrina!
I can understand where you are coming from with the cheating. I would be paranoid too.
Of course, your paranoia really doomed you in a way.
Definitely try the stuff in this article.
Its not too soon.
Carmen
January 23, 2015 at 5:07 am
Me and my ex husband separated six months ago and the divorce was finalized a month ago. We try to stop the divorce but it was to late. Now it seems he won’t come back, he meet someone else while we where separated. We were married for 10 years and have kids. He is a veteran and pretty damage from war.He is planning to move out of the country, but he won’t stop looking for me even when he is with this lady. I really know we both made mistakes and having the idea that he is leaving make me realize I want him back in my life. It’s hard throw to the garbage 15 years of relationship.
admin
January 23, 2015 at 4:33 pm
You said you tried to stop the divorce… What exactly do you mean by that?
Carmen
January 23, 2015 at 6:29 pm
He did called the lawyer to dismiss the case, but the judge already signed it. Now he seems to be use to the idea of being divorse, but still getting in touch with me and not talking about just the kids.
judith
December 22, 2014 at 11:16 pm
I have 2 BIG problems: my ex got a girlfriend right away and they’ve been together for 2+ years (we’ve been divorced 2 years). The second problem is that I moved away, so we have not seen each other in all this time, and have no opportunity to run into each other. Is this just impossible to solve? I live now where we met. We were married 31 years, and lived together 3 more. I miss him and just find it hard to start dating because I’m just can’t imagine being with anyone else. I’ve heard that his girlfriend “is really not that attractive.” She is younger, but not that much younger. I have been told by men I meet that I’m “really beautiful.” I have never seen her, so can’t compare, or does it even matter if they’re having sex? We weren’t toward the end.
admin
December 23, 2014 at 3:16 pm
They are still together?
What went wrong with your relationship with him?
Darcy
December 12, 2014 at 3:27 am
Hi, My husband and I have had problems for years. I’ve been depressed, we were dealing with infertility (my issue), lack of intimacy, me being negative about a lot of things, and financial stress as I quit work and went back to school. After our 16 year anniversary he waited two months and left. Acted distant for about 2 weeks before he moved out, when asked him if we were ok he said yes. One week later he comes home and says he hasn’t been happy for years and he is leaving, this isn’t working. Next day he unfriended me and my family from Facebook. Responded to my texts and calls at first but got irritated saying I wasn’t giving him space. Says he loves me as a friend but not as a husband. I just texted him after a week of not talking asking him if he was ok and he has not responded. He has resentment and I understand that but how do I save my marriage if he won’t talk to me? He is a great husband and I don’t want a divorce but he seems gone- says he’s made his decision (never said the word divorce) but left his wedding ring at the house, took of any mention of our wedding/me of his Facebook. I’m devastated as just 3 days before he left he texted me he loved me. He’s been by twice to get cloths and talk but only for 1/2 hour max each time. Before he left he opened his own bank account but has been leaving me money so far. We haven’t really discussed anything. It feels like he’s done with me but it’s only been 3 weeks so I guess I need to give him time before we talk about bills, etc. Please any advice would be appreciated. Thank you
admin
December 15, 2014 at 5:33 am
Ok, so it seems like the infertility and the lack of intimacy were major factors in how he felt?