By Chris Seiter

Updated on September 21st, 2022

Today we’re going to talk about the weird effect that the no contact rule has on exes and believe me when I say, some of the stories I’m about to tell you are wild.

So, lately you’ve been hearing me talk about how the true point of the no contact ruleĀ  isn’t to make your ex miss you but rather to outgrow your ex and while I certainly stand by that I will admit that there’s a certain giddiness to reading the crazy stories of how no contact can affect exes.

Thus, I went to my clients and asked them a simple question,

Basically, I asked them to share their firsthand experiences when it came to exes acting weird during the no contact rule and let me tell you, the stories they shared were beyond even my wildest expectations.

  • An Ex Using An Amazon Account To Track Down A New Address
  • An Ex Using Amazon Music To Make A Breakup Playlist
  • An Ex Spying On All Your New Instagram Guy Followers
  • An Ex Using Their Own Friends To Spy
  • Calling You 19 Times In One Day (And Then Tweeting About It)
  • Trying To Get You To Break No Contact By Inviting You To D&D
  • If You Don’t Come To My House Right Away I’m Going To Propose To Someone Else

So, let us commence with the weird (and sometimes frightening) ways that the no contact rule can affect your ex.

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Way #1: Having An Ex Use An Amazon Account To Track Down A New Address


We know from graduate student, Veronika Lukacs’ research that it’s actually really common for exes to keep tabs on their past partners via Facebook or other social media websites.

Turns out close to 90% of people that go through a breakup will do this.

But we are looking at extreme cases from the no contact rule here and how it affects your ex and you know what’s not common?

Using your Amazon account, that they aren’t supposed to have access to, to spy on you.

Well, one of our moderators was kind enough to share their breakup story and it’s a doozy. So, apparently after the breakup our moderator moved to a new place. Their ex actually knew this, but didn’t know where they moved to.

I’m assuming at some point in their relationship they shared amazon passwords with one another and during the breakup, to learn the new address, the ex went into the Amazon account to verify it.

Ah, but that’s not all this ex did.

Our moderator continues.

Way #2: Using An Amazon Music Account To Make A Playlist Of Songs

We’ve all seen the stories of exes who post breakup songs on social media as a passive aggressive way to get your attention but this particular ex we’re talking about here took things a step further.

Once they had access to our moderators Amazon account they went to our moderators Amazon music account to make a playlist of breakup songs and titled it,

I miss you

They were even kind enough to include their initials in the playlist.

So, you know, the moderator of our group would know exactly who made the playlist.

Ah, but the fun doesn’t even stop there,

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Way #3: That Very Same Ex Would Check All The New Guy Followers And Watch Their Stories On Instagram

Terrified that our client/moderator was dating someone else.

Her ex would literally do homework on every single guy that followed her on social media. Mind you, this is all happening during the no contact rule so the paranoia is high simply because the ex has no idea what she’s up to. Theoretically she could be dating any one of these guys.

How did our client figure this out?

Well, that was a question asked by someone in the comments of her thread,

According to our moderator, her ex actually told her that he was doing this after the no contact rule was up.

Pretty wild, right?

Well, we haven’t even gotten started yet.

Way #4: An Ex Uses Their Own Friends To Spy On You

So, this comment states,

My ex would use my friends to talk to me. One time, my friend and I posted a selfie and he made a comment, talking to her about me. He also used his friend and their accounts to see what I’ve been up to.

Now, I’m going to raise my hand here and admit that I’ve certainly been guilty of this.

I’ve literally had exes where I’ve blocked them on social media only to use one of my friends accounts to spy and see what they were up to. Sometimes the no contact rule can heighten this effect because of the old, eye for an eye theory.

It goes like this.

  • Your ex: Oh, you are ignoring me are you? Well, I’ll show you.
  • Your ex: blocks you
  • Also your ex: uses friend account to still spy on you because they are dying to figure out what you are up to.

A general rule of thumb to breakups is to consider your exes best friends reaching out to you as spies because most of the time they are.

Way #5: Calling You 19 Times In One Day (And Then Tweeting About It)

I love this one only because it perfectly encapsulates how people expect the no contact rule to go.

The natural assumption is that if you ignore your ex they will blow your phone up trying to get ahold of you. Now, my research has shown that often that isn’t the case,

However, sometimes it is as evidenced by this particular client.

I especially love the added touch of the ex calling 19 times and then tweeting about it. The best way I can explain this is that we don’t like the be alone in our misery. So, rather than wallow in misery we’d like to involve other people on our side to make ourselves feel better.

What’s a better way of doing than to “live stream” your breakup on twitter where you can control the narrative and make yourself the good guy.

It’s all happening because of a lack of support and confidence.

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My general rule of thumb for this is simple.

Anyone who goes to twitter to make themselves feel better isn’t usually a very confident individual. I think that’s what we are seeing here.

Way #6: Trying To Get You To Break No Contact By Inviting You To DND

This person says their ex created a homebrew campaign of Dungeons and Dragons and added them and a couple of other friends to a group chat.

You can see my initial reaction to this approach in the comment above.

Remember, this is all happening during a no contact rule where our client is being completely silent.

And one of the things you need to realize will happen during scenarios like this is an ex will do a lot of things to try to get you to respond.

This can range from something as simple as,

  • Blowing up your phone (like the previous thing)
  • Getting exes to contact you
  • Threatening you
  • Making you jealous

But I have never seen an ex do something like this before where they make a dungeons and dragons game just to get your attention. The key component here is that they invited other people and used them to talk to the ex on the group chat. It’s super crazy no doubt but I respect the creativity.

And it sort of worked as you can see from our clients comment.

After no contact was finished they joined the DND campaign.

Way #7: If You Don’t Come To My House Right Away I’m Going To Propose To Someone Else

I saved the best for last.

This is perhaps the very definition of emotional manipulation.

So, the ex calls our client up and tells her that if she doesn’t come to his house immediately and marry him he’d propose to someone else that very day.

Needless to say, we don’t have dumb clients and so she didn’t listen to him.

The result, he didn’t propose to anyone. He just got exposed for lying.

It never ceases to amaze me how childish people can get during breakups and certainly the no contact rule can exacerbate that. In the end though, I think it’s a great way to see what kind of person your ex really is. You don’t really know what someone is like until they face adversity. Well, this particular guy, once adversity was thrown at his feet, what did he do?

He lied.

He manipulated.

He did everything he possibly could to get what he wanted.

Very much like a child throwing a tantrum for not getting what they want. I should know, I have two kids. I see a lot of tantrums.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Perhaps even scarier, they don’t throw the worst tantrums I’ve seen.

That’s reserved for exes who are having a no contact rule enacted on them.

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3 thoughts on “How No Contact Affects Your Ex”

  1. Ruth

    January 8, 2023 at 12:09 am

    How is all this communication getting through if during no contact you have blocked him?

    And if both parties have blocked each other, who is the one that is reaching out or going through the emotional phases of no contact?

    1. Coach Shaunna Nicol

      January 12, 2023 at 9:32 pm

      If you have blocked your ex then I suggest that you unblock now and continue with your NC – while you are blocked from your exes side you still follow the program and information as it is going to assure that the correct self work is taking place.

  2. Jane

    November 12, 2022 at 4:26 pm

    Hi Chris … I am currently implementing the no contact rule … and 2 weeks in I am already feeling that I am stronger for it … as I really did seem to be an option for him ..
    and not a choice … and I feel that I am getting back my self respect … but also it will make him think about his own behaviour … now he will realise that he has really caused all this himself … and that I will no longer allow him to take me for granted … or disrespect me
    .. he will realise what he has lost… but at the same time … I can let go with Love … as I don’t want to be with a man who does not value me … or see my worth … and maybe he will thi nk twice before he treats anyone this way again … I know that he will miss me … but I am tired of his dismissive behavior … if he really wa ts me back he will need to show me in no uncertain terms … as I feel that I deserve Love and Respect … I can do this … and I already feel stronger … Thank You.