By Chris Seiter

Published on March 22nd, 2023

Let’s talk about how to convince your ex to meet up with you. It’s funny, when researching for this article I had a ton of trouble finding examples in our community of people spilling details on exactly how they got their meetups.

Alas though, after half an hour of searching I found four real life examples of people who successfully convinced their ex to meet up with them.

  1. The Well Timed Facebook Post
  2. The Damsel In Distress Meetup
  3. Just Simply Trusting In The Value Ladder
  4. You Simply Initiate A Low Investment Meetup

However, before we really take the time to get into the examples I feel its important to cover the basics of why exes can say “no” to a meetup.

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The Most Common Reason Exes Say No To A “Meet Up”

This is the process we teach our clients,

I call it (drum roll please) the value ladder.

A step by step process for re-establishing contact with your ex and communicating in a way that makes reconciliation more likely by strategically making your ex recognize your value for themselves.

The way it works is simple.

Before moving from one stage to the next you must first build up enough value.

It’s similar to a video game in that regard.

You have to complete the level you are on first before moving on to the next one. Except instead of dodging bad guys or obstacles like in a typical mario game you have to build value.

The #1 reason that exes will say no to a meetup is if you try to advance to the meetup phase by skipping the climb up the value ladder.

It’s too fast too soon.

Though lately I’ve been noticing an interesting phenomenon where exes will say yes to a meetup but only cancel at the last minute.

Ok, so with that explanation out of the way I think we can move on to the real tactics that clients have used to get their exes to meet up with them.

Real Examples Of Tactics Used To Get Exes To Meet Up

One quick note though before we get started.

I like using real people from our community to prove my points. In pretty much every example I’m going to use to prove my points today the community member didn’t rush the value ladder.

The results were only possible because they slowly, methodically worked their way up the ladder.

Think of it as the pre-requisite that must be met before you can try any of these tactics.

Ok, with that out of the way let’s begin!

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Tactic #1: The Well Timed Facebook Post

I’m pulling from one of my clients a few years ago for this one.

On our coaching call she mentioned that she really wanted to meet up with her ex. She was having a work interview in his home town (they were kind of long distance) but she felt a bit awkward outright asking him to meetup.

I suggested that her best approach would be to post something on social media about it and find a way to combine his interest.

Thus, my next question was,

“Well, what’s he interested in?”

He response was quick and authoritative,

“Game of Thrones”

To which I responded,

“Well, this may sound kind of corny but what if you were to have someone photoshop you on the back of a dragon riding in to his town.”

This was the resulting post,

Here’s the coolest part though.

She posts this to her Facebook Account and within an hour her ex had commented on the post and then even privately messaged her that they should catch up.

This worked for a few reasons.

Yes, it was an interest based approach where you are engaged in your exes actual interests but the more relevant part is that she actually had an interview. She didn’t make that up.

She was authentically working the trinity and making big strides.

Tactic #2: The Damsel In Distress Meetup

One of the most popular text messages that our community likes to use (especially women) is the damsel in distress text messages.

You know the ones, they look like this,

You have this burning question that only your ex can answer.

Well, it turns out that the damsel in distress approach can also work for meet ups. In talking to a moderator of our community they had this to say about what worked to get a meetup for them,

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“I also used a damsel in distress in this case. I told him I needed his expertise in making a certain pool shot and of course he wanted to help me.”

What I find really clever about this approach is her damsel in distress approach actually had an embedded meetup included.

Tactic #3: Just Simply Trusting In The Value Ladder

This one might be a little self serving but I promise it does work.

When searching through the community looking for exact examples of tactics used to secure meetups I noticed a trend. Most people would talk about what happened on the meetups but not necessarily talk about how the meetups were secured themselves.

And it dawned on me that most of them probably didn’t have to do anything.

By simply trusting in the value ladder their ex would initiate the meetup,

It’s that last phrase mentioned that I really want you to pay attention to.

This program really works. Stick with it, work on yourself first, do the no contact, the texting phase, the phone call phase, the meetup phase… do it all, take it slow… it works!

It goes back to what I was saying that if you skip the value ladder or advance up it too quickly you tend not to get the results you want.

So yes, sometimes all you have to do is just stick to the approach and your ex will ask for a meetup themselves.

Tactic #4: You Simply Initiate A Low Investment Meetup

Of course, sometimes no matter how patient you are during your climb up the value ladder your ex won’t ask for a meetup.

Sometimes you have to take matters into your own hands.

“I think it’s ok to initiate the first meetup. Then you want to see that they are at least talking about meeting up again and making plans with you.”

I’ll preface this by saying that this technically only works if you’ve done what I’ve been saying all article long and slowly worked your way up the value ladder.

How do you know when the right time to ask is?

I think by simply looking at your progress in your climb is a great indicator. If you are talking on the phone and texting pretty much every day it’s time to move to the next stage.

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