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83 thoughts on “Here’s How Long It Can Take To Get Your Ex Back?”

  1. Avatar


    December 24, 2018 at 5:34 am

    My ex and I had a super messy break up, we started off amazing and lasted a year and 6 months. There was drama from his family and I kind of got sick of it and started to retaliate, he let his mother be way too invasive in our relationship and it drove me nuts. Some extremely big things happened where I needed his support and his mother took it away. She once told him he couldn’t talk to me unless I had an abortion (were 20 btw) and just so much nonsense. I started to fight back but eventually gave up and started to drift away from him. He wouldn’t get his own car or phone which also drove me crazy. Eventually when I started to pull away he started to do cute things like bring me flowers and what not, he started being active in the relationship but never committed fully. Fast forward, I found out he lied about so much and when I got mad, he just changed his number so I just decided to do the 30 day no contact, I’m on day 22, blocked him on everything and then I unblocked him, out of curiousity, last night & saw he made a post about how wrong I wasn’t for him and he cut me off and blah blah blah, is it even worth it? We have had amazing moments but I feel like he just doesn’t want to grow up. What do I do? And did he make the status because no contact is working or? I have a child of my own and he was important to both of us but I’m not sure anymore

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 24, 2018 at 10:51 pm

      Hi Mia….yep….drama that is helped triggered by family can be some of the worst. Your ex does seem to be demonstrating some immature behavior after all this time. Or it may be he is holding on to some resentment.

      At the very least, I would suggest you continue your No Contact, but make your focus the recovery/healing side of the NC principle. I talk about this in great detail in my eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book”.

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    December 22, 2018 at 7:30 pm

    One day I seen my ex he completely ignored me cold. I felt more broken. I found out he already got a girlfriend after a month of our breakup. I’ve been doing a lot better I graduated, got a new job & been keeping busy. Surprisingly he congratulated me. I seen him the next day & also was surprised he came up to talk to me since he last acted like a jerk. He seemed happy for me & he said it was nice seeming me. He’s been keeping tabs on me as well but blocks me from his posts. I realize I’m still not over it I don’t know why I still have this hope he’ll come back.. it’s been 3 months. I don’t want to be just friends knowing he’s with someone. It hurts.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 23, 2018 at 4:14 am

      Hi Anissa! I am so sorry you feel broken. But you can pick up the pieces and heal. I have a lot of resources on my site and a great deal of help I offer in my eBooks that can help you in the healing department and with your recovery efforts

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    Melody E

    December 22, 2018 at 2:10 pm

    My boyfriend of 9 months left me a week ago. We have had 3 other break ups (all due to the same reason – little arguments in general) over those 9 months but we work through them and he’s back in the relationship within a couple days. We were also living together for the past few months and talked about marriage in the future.
    This time seems different. He’s been more cold but has answered my calls and we talk for over an hour. I tried to go without contact but I break down after 24 hours. He says he still loves me but I crossed the line during our last fight when he was drunk and angry and kept putting his fingers on my mouth to make me stop talking and I told him to stop. He wouldn’t calm down and I refused to leave he then tried making me leave and threatened to call the cops and I said I would call them if he put his hands on me aggressively(which he never has and I never thought he would – just wanted to say something to get his attention). Apparently me threatening his character like that was the last straw. He brought up all the little argument from the past and said all that made him leave. We saw each other twice since the break up to exchange our things and he kissed me twice. After the second time he told me to not read into it. He doesn’t want to date anyone else or anything like that – he just wants to be alone and not fight with someone because it reminds him of his childhood when his now divorced parents would fight.
    He’s been very sweet and loving but finally said we had to stop talking because it wasn’t helping either one of us and I told him the ball eas in his court now whether or not we talk later. He said he’s for sure done but doesn’t know what the future holds.
    What do I do? I can’t sleep, I can’t stay at my house because everything reminds me of him and it hurts too much.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 23, 2018 at 4:16 am

      Hi Melody!

      So sometimes just give him time and space can awaken his sense of perspective as to the right thing to do. Being alone is not a long term solution. Meanwhile, there are many things you can do to recover and focus on being the best “you”. Pick up any of my eBooks to help show you the way as I can only explain so much here in the comment section!

  4. Avatar


    December 17, 2018 at 9:26 pm

    Hi There,

    My ex and I broke up a little less than two months ago. We had been together for a year and a half, and our relationship was amazing, we share many of the same interests, we have traveled all over the world together, and never fight. The primary issue is that was married for 20 yrs before getting divorced and we met quite soon after the divorce (about 6 months). So it has been two years since the divorce but I am scared that he has not taken the time to emotionally recover. Most of the time his actions and words convince me that he is ready for a relationship (things between us have not remained stagnant but have progressed significantly over the last 18 months) but he occasionally regresses and pulls away particularly after we spend time being vulnerable together and tells me that hes scared he will disappoint me and fail and is still not sure what he is capable of long term. So about two months ago I decided to tell him that we shouldn’t see each other anymore because I wasn’t sure if the relationship was healthy for me he agreed and we didn’t get overly emotional or into the details. I regret it and want to be with him. After ending things “mutually” I did not contact him for 21 days (though he did reach out to me several times, calls and texts) I responded lightly and shortly. After 3 weeks I sent him a text and he instantly responded and asked if I would meet him for lunch, we had a casual fun lunch nothing more. Over the following three weeks we texted back and forth and then he asked me to dinner, we had a great time catching up and he asked me if I was seeing anyone I told him we didn’t need to discuss those things with each other. He agreed but didn’t understand why I told him we could maybe talk about it another time. We kissed but nothing more and discussed celebrating his bday together in a month. I sent him a few messages in the following days and he responded but he did not contact me first. 2 days ago I messaged him saying hi and he instantly responded asking if I wanted to get together for dinner this week. I said yes we should and also that I missed him. He read the messages and did not respond… and now I am feeling confused and wondering if and when I should contact him to ask if we want to see each other before traveling over the holidays…I feel like things are going well and I am willing to be patient and wait but I am getting lost and confused on what to expect in between the “dates” communication wise and also the amount of time that passes if I really do want to get back together…

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 17, 2018 at 10:41 pm

      I understand….its easy to be confused with so much going on. But there are some positives here. Yes, patience is key!

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    December 16, 2018 at 10:55 pm

    Thank you for the reply I really do appreciate it. I agree with all you say also. The break up came from a fall out we had over me completely over reacting and saying mean things… we were long distance for a year due to work and he had been in trouble health wise. I had asked him to let me know he get somewhere safe, he got back to me a long time after and brushed aside how I felt , and I reacted in a pathetic manner to be honest. he said from this point I had let him down in life and something switched inside where it changed for in love to just care/love because I’m the mother of his children. I’m baffled how that can actually happen. the fact he said I let him down in life over that one matter… and the fact he can’t remember everything else and the sacrifices I made for him really hurts. He only sees me doing wrong and not acknowledges anything he does. Would limited contact make me seem negative? I have began implementing this and he has commented saying I now have a negative energy around me “just like I did in the past” so I feel that I’m getting attacked in everything I do or say. Thank you again for the advice. Kay

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 17, 2018 at 10:50 pm

      Hi Kay…..some guys can be selfish like that in the sense they seldom take a deep look into the mirror asking themselves what they could do differently. It seems to me he is the on possessing all the negative energy by virtue of his negative commentary.

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    December 15, 2018 at 6:45 am

    Hi Chris
    I really need ur help. My ex broke with me in sept after continuous fights between us Cz of his divorce case but then we patched up after 3 weeks. Though it was mutual but I tried a lot so later after 1 month he thought I forced him n he broke up with me again and he gives the reason that he hasn’t overcome previous fights thats y n he’s scared of marriage n relaiton, though I had changed completely b we were happy in that Month. It’s been 10 days I m extremely depressed he moved out. I have done everything wrong after break up begged pleaded Made him feel guilty Cz I m so much shattered since I trusted him so much again
    What should I do

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    December 14, 2018 at 9:08 am

    hey I’d love some advice if I’m hitting a brick wall here.
    ex left me a year and a half a go … it was horrible. we’d been together 9 years and had 2 young children. we’ve been quite close recently he spends a lot of time with the kids and me. I found out he started talking to someone significantly younger a few weeks after he left and they’ve met up and slept together a lot. he said recently that they don’t see each other much … they talk every day and “he is very close to her”. he also had a depressive break down around the time he left me and claims he feels dead inside etc. I’m thinking here that he’s had cake and eaten it. I understand depression massively but it just seems that he has this blockage with me and that’s it. I don’t know what to do. to go limited contact but that might make me seem like a bitch and lower anything he has with me anyway. he said he doesn’t care if I go dating . so really he has nothing in his heart for me. I don’t understand how someone live can just die… whether it be depression or anything else. I’d appreciate any advice please. thank you

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 15, 2018 at 12:10 am

      Hi Kay…those brick walls can be hard! I don’t know what is going on in his head. He may have fallen prey to the grass is greener. I think he needs to understand you don’t tolerate his choices. So in that sense, limited contact is not unreasonable. Eventually he will have to realize that this whole thing is bigger than him and his supposed new love, but impacts an entire family that have come to love him and depend on him.

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