144 thoughts on “EBR 043: How To Handle The First Date With Your Ex Boyfriend”

  1. Avatar

    Deeps

    March 15, 2016 at 3:04 am

    Hey Chris! I was wondering if there was a way I can email you my relationship question. I feel like it might be too long to type in the comment section.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 15, 2016 at 2:16 pm

      Hi Deeps,

      You can email it at [email protected]

      Our other team member, Ms. Cheese is managing our emails.

  2. Avatar

    Kari

    March 14, 2016 at 5:43 am

    My ex and I have been hanging out as friends since the beginning of the year but we have definitely ended up doing very date-like activities, just not anything super romantic or an “official” big date. I think we’re at a good point for that but I’m not sure how to get there. Shoukd I just ask him to go on a real date with me?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 15, 2016 at 11:43 am

      HI Kari,

      For me no. If a guy really wants you and you don’t have a history of difficulty talking to each other, he would ask you if he really likes you. So, be careful that you’re not misinterpreting his actions.

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    Ella

    March 13, 2016 at 2:13 pm

    Hi guys! 🙂

    Thanks for all your help so far! Your advice has really helped me find myself again! But I’m a bit stuck on how to get my ex to go out on a date with me, and if I should even keep trying with him.

    We’ve been texting for nearly 3 weeks but he flat out refuses to talk to me on the phone, and considering I’ve tried every single thing possible to try and get a phone call out of him it isn’t working. He says he’s busy, or he’s out, or replies with a text.

    Now the thing is I’ve suggested meeting up for a coffee and he’s agreed but he keeps saying things like, we’ll organize something nearer the time, or he just ignores me. I’m extremely busy right now with my work and need to plan things at least a week in advance, so I’m finding it a little frustrating and I feel like he’s taking me for granted. It’s like he’s stringing me along and is just assuming that I’ll wait around for him forever. I don’t feel like he’s chasing me at all.

    He’s also said that his priority right now is getting his first house set up and sorting out his career. Which I don’t think is a good sign regarding getting back together :/

    He’s an introverted guy which is why I haven’t posted pictures, but I’m also getting asked out by other guys who are chasing me almost every day. So I’m finding it a bit hard to keep trying with my ex when he seems to barely make any effort with me other than text me every few days.

    So should I simply stop trying? Or should I try and cause him to become a bit jealous? I have no clue how to get him to chase me or even set up the date with him. Any help would be great!

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 14, 2016 at 2:53 pm

      Hi Ella,

      Nope. Don’t post jealousy pics, that could make him not reply at all but I think you should post pictures of your activities more and also do nc again because if you feel like being taken for granted, that’s not a good sign. Either 21 days or 30 and observe, if he messages you within it, good, you can break nc but make it SHORT.. Cut it prematurely politely.. and then if he initiates the next day good, but if not text after 2 days from that…

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    Maia

    March 12, 2016 at 1:36 pm

    Hi Chris & Amor,

    I’m wondering if you can help me as I’m not sure how I should help my ex, or if I should just distance myself from him.
    We’ve been texting for 2 weeks every day now since NC ended. At first he was happy to hear from me. But for the past week or so every single message has been about him complaining about his life, how stressed he is, and not really responding to my attempts to try and cheer him up.
    He’s also now starting to leave it days between each reply, hiding his last online status and generally not talking in a positive manner about anything. He has agreed to meet up for a coffee in a week or so, but nothing concrete has been organized yet.
    He’s an introverted guy but I don’t have the time to chase after him with my work being so hectic atm. I also don’t want to cause more drama and make a repeat of our last relationship together where I made the mistake of chasing him.
    I’m finding it hard because no matter what I say he seems determined to be negative. He’s mentioning randomly in our conversations that by watching videos of us together he’s upset, we were so happy then etc. I try to reassure him but it doesn’t seem to work :/
    It’s now been 4 days since my reply to his last message. Should I back off and give him time to deal with things? Or is there anything that I can do to help him feel more positive?

    Thanks!

    1. Avatar

      Maia

      March 13, 2016 at 11:07 am

      No, most of the time he complains about being stressed with work. But he keeps mentioning our old photos and videos together.

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 14, 2016 at 5:38 am

      oh okay.. sometimes you just have to agree whenever he rants.. and then ask him for other alternatives for his situation, if he says there is none, tell him, in time there will ne and then change he topic.. Don’t chase him.. Have your own life so that whenever he becomes like that you don’t become easily affected.. you’re going to meet up right? If he rants, respond with humor about the topic he rants about

    3. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 12, 2016 at 3:33 pm

      Hi Maia,

      I just want to make it clear, your videos together are what makes him upset most of the time?

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    Michelle

    March 12, 2016 at 4:22 am

    Hello,

    I am past NC and past the first “small” date with my ex. I followed all your advice and so far it worked like a charm!

    However he wants to see me again, this is great news and helping me feel super confident. Could you please describe what the medium (2nd) and large date (3rd) look like?

    I loved how to described how to go in and buy the coffee sit down before he got to the coffee shop. I am literally so lost when I think about the medium date. I am afraid if I don’t have a general outline of how to act and what to do then I will mess up the progress I have made.

    Any advice for me?

    Thank you,

    Michelle

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 12, 2016 at 1:39 pm

      Hi Michelle,

      that means you have to pick a more romantic or engaging activity for the next dates, the second date should be more activity oriented, a little longer than the first date.. Like doing rock climbing.. and then just spend half a day or less with it.. talk while eating after it and then end it

  6. Avatar

    Purple Rain

    March 11, 2016 at 5:57 pm

    I heard this episode and was wondering how you would work up the value chain if your ex does not like texting to begin with?

    thanks!

    1. Avatar

      Purple Rain

      March 12, 2016 at 6:20 pm

      It is usually 50/50. When we use to date he would text maybe 6-7 times a day and call once a day. But he told me naturally he doesnt like talking on the phone or like texting … Its more like I requested it while we were dating and now we are not.

      We kind of got back together and now falling apart again! I’ve been writing on the how-to-prevent-a-breakup-with-your-boyfriend-when-you-know-its-coming post.

      How would I alter the value chain?

      Thank you so much!

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 13, 2016 at 6:21 am

      it’s better if you would establish rapport and attraction back again through text and calls first before proceeding to a date… if he doesn’t like texts bu engages in calls that’s okay as long as you build rapport and attraction..
      But if he’s not responding that’s when you try to do a no contact again but if he is,since he’s also an intorvert, you would really have to keep talking first before proceeding to a date

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      March 11, 2016 at 6:35 pm

      PURPLE RAIN!

      Love it haha.

      I suppose you would have to alter the value chain. How do you usually communicate?

      By phone?

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