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481 thoughts on “Desperation 101- How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back Without Looking Desperate”

  1. Natalie

    May 10, 2014 at 6:00 am

    My boyfriend of six years broke up with me about 3 months ago. Basically he wanted more freedom. I moved out of our apartment and did no contact for a month. I finally called him about some money issues and he seemed to really miss me. We started talking a little and hung out a couple times but after awhile he told me he wanted to be friends because he’s too immature to be in a relationship. Obviously he was trying to keep me around while he figured things out so i told him it was a bad idea to contact each other and we should just go our seperate ways. About a week passed by and he’s contacted me a couple times. Once to ask me a stupid question (sounded like an excuse to talk). And the other time he told me he loved and missed me, he wanted me in his life, that he’d never get a girl as good as me. He also talked about how he didn’t like his new living situation with his roommates. I stuck my decision though and told him we shouldn’t be talking. He seemed pretty upset. Honestly, i do love him and want him back but i’m trying to let him see what life is without me. My question is should i continue with another no contact? I was thinking maybe another 30 days? Or am i being too harsh? Should i try being friends with him and see where that goes? I’m kind of afraid of pushing him too far and losing him.

    1. admin

      May 12, 2014 at 6:17 pm

      How old is he? Why the immature line?

  2. Tay

    May 10, 2014 at 2:25 am

    Okay so my ex’s friend has been talking to me and telling me to hang with him and my ex.. just saying stuff like ill invite him and i said why? and he said cause you dont get along.

    please help haha i dont understand what this all means? are they jsut messing around with me or does it actually mean something

  3. Tay

    May 10, 2014 at 12:14 am

    Hi chris so i havent gone to the party yet BUT my ex and his friend were at a party that one of my bestfriends was at. My bestfriend had met my ex last year briefly anyways, my friend told me about this and how they came up to her and were saying like ‘on you know tay etc’ and my ex said you were there when i went to go see her that time.

    SO what does this mean? does it mean anything at all? Why would my ex approach my friend and talk about me?

    1. admin

      May 12, 2014 at 5:15 pm

      Well, he is probably just being nice to her.

  4. Artemis

    May 9, 2014 at 11:41 pm

    I’m the girl who sent a text message to tell my ex about a new job I got, just to have a pleasant but very business-like message back with him asking if I wanted my stuff shipped back. I was crushed, but thanks to your great blog I handled the situation without emotion and told him he could send it to the city where I got the new job. Since we are a LDR across the country, I thought he might say something when I told him my new job is about 50 miles from where he lives. At LEAST I thought I’d get a message confirming he would send my stuff there. Instead it has been a week without any word from him in reply. I know he handles his emotions in a strange way, and I saw on our shared spotify account he had added some angry metal music which was out of character. I haven’t pressured him to visit me while I’m in town, only mentioned I’d be going there. Why is he completely ignoring me in this way? We parted on great terms with a lot of love between us and mutual hope we would reconnected.

    1. admin

      May 12, 2014 at 5:14 pm

      Are you in his area yet?

    2. Artemis

      May 12, 2014 at 4:06 am

      I arrived in the town nearby today and his sister posted a picture on fb of the special tulip vase I bought in the Netherlands that my ex let his mother use for her tulips. I am seriously confused. Is this a good sign that he is thinking of me in a positive way or a negative way? It was a VERY special vase for me and considering that I am now in town I feel like it wasn’t an accident. However, he STILL hasn’t contacted me on what we are going to do with my stuff. What do you think his motives are?

  5. Sahara

    May 8, 2014 at 11:47 pm

    I’ve done it all! Well not all but text and called for like 4-5 months and I think it just pushed him into his rebound further and now he’s “half moved in” with her to avoid living at his parents full time – so he says – he recently lost his job and his accommodation with it. So I settled down last month and went into light contact but now I’ve been in NC two weeks today and he’s not contacted me so idk if I’m stupid having hope still. We were together 3 years and it was amazing but I ended things as I believed it was best as I graduate uni and don’t know where I’ll end up. He cried when we split and then kept texting me asking me back and I was nice but stubborn but when I saw him at Christmas I realised the mistake I made and we got on so well we hugged and chatted and he called me gorgeous, beautiful and the old nicknames, he even left his new girlfriend to help me with my horses and stuff but I mentioned getting back together and he retreated back into his shell so I got desperate and kept texting and calling. So now I’m almost half way through no contact should I have hope or do you think it’s past it now?
    Thanks, Sahara.

    1. admin

      May 9, 2014 at 3:36 pm

      So, you ended things. But why? Why couldn’t you have been together or worked to be together?

    2. Sahara

      May 9, 2014 at 7:39 pm

      Yeah I see that now 🙁 he wanted a more solid commitment and spoke of moving in together and I just freaked out and ran – commitment phobia runs in my family haha it’s all well and good dating but being asked for that bit extra the panic slips in but honestly I now know I would be able to overcome that to be with him especially after three years. I just don’t know how to make him see that and if he’ll believe and trust me now.

    3. admin

      May 12, 2014 at 5:09 pm

      Your going to have to explain it just like you explained it to me eventually.

    4. Sahara

      May 12, 2014 at 9:56 pm

      Ok, so NC until after my exams are over (that takes us to just over a month) then first contact text, follow the plan with personalisation depending how he reacts, meet up and just chill and have fun and if it goes well then explain when we are comfortable enough? And just hope at some point him and his gf split up? Or try to make him realise as though it’s his idea that he’s better off with me :p?

    5. admin

      May 13, 2014 at 4:47 pm

      Meet up, just chill and if it goes well explain when you are comfortable enough.

  6. Naina

    May 8, 2014 at 6:48 pm

    Chris,

    So everything you have talked about on this site probably helps about 99% of women on this site. However, for me, I know my ex has feelings for me, but he is just too proud to admit it to himself and to me. He always feels like he has to show that he does not care and I got tired of this weird game, so I finally called him a night or two ago and told him that we need to stop talking for good. He just said, “Ok. Take care.” I asked him if he wanted to know my reasoning behind it, he said, “No. I mean if you feel like you owe me an explanation, then sure, but no I don’t really care.” So I just left it at that and wished him luck. However, I just know that he still does. I swear I am not convincing myself of anything. It’s been six months since our break up, and he’s been doing this push/pull behavior with me. At a point, I did question if I made this all up in my head, but I just know him well enough to know that I didn’t. I am the most serious girlfriend he has had so far. So my question is, does me doing this put me in a bad position to someday get back with him on a long timeline? Or did I do the right thing? I feel like our time is not right now, so I am actually doing a lot better than I expected myself to be, however, I still hope that one day we can get back together.

    1. admin

      May 9, 2014 at 3:27 pm

      There must be something about his past that causes him to be this way.

    2. Naina

      May 10, 2014 at 7:15 pm

      I figured that much as well. What do you suggest I do? I was trying to figure it out with a friend the other day, she has known him for awhile too, but we were stumped. We only know when he changed, but not the reason. I asked her if she remembers another girl during that time. She said no. If I don’t know the reasoning behind it, what can I do until then?

  7. Molly

    May 8, 2014 at 6:34 pm

    Hi Chris!
    I am at a loss of what to do regarding my ex.. I have never met a more uncertain, unsure and indecisive person than him, but still I love him dearly, and want him back in my life, he really made me feel love and loved, for the very first time in my life…and when he broke things off about 3 weeks ago, he broke me into a million pieces.

    Our story is that we rushed into a relationship. We had been dating for about 2 weeks when I already met his family! I also practically lived at his place since the first week of dating. Which was his idea though (I live ca 1.5 hrs from him), so I would not have to commute all that often to my University (which is in the city he lives in). I of course was pretty much blinded by all the good things he made me feel so I spent almost everyday at his place. He really was, and still is (I think) a good person straight through.

    We had a lot of fun, hanged out with friends, made future plans, had date nights etc, but we never really talked on a “deep” level. It was always pretty much “superficial” talks. But still we had good times together. It even became a routine for us to once a week have dinner at his parents.

    We made our relationship official after a month. And everything seemed okay. We went on a little get-away, which was fun until he hurt himself. He injured his knee after a stupid accident on skis. After that he was forced to rest a lot, and to take things easy. He is a man that usually goes to the gym 5 days a week, and does a lot of sports in addition to those…For him to suddenly not do anything of that, turned him into a different person, I think. Because it was after that I really noticed that he withdrew more and more from spending time with me.

    It was times when he would just go sit himself in front of the computer and sit there for hours without even saying a word…The sex also dabbed off…I actually think we behaved and acted like an old married couple who had lost the spark…At our one month anniversary (a week after the accident) he texted me, and told me that he had been thinking a lot about his feelings. That the “strong” feelings had not come as he had hoped. That baffled me.

    He went on and told me he had tried this with his ex, hoping that the feelings would evolve or grow over time, get stronger. I was in shock, to say the least. Was he breaking up with me? He said he was unsure on what to do now, but he had decided that he would like to share this with me, so that I knew what he was thinking. He also thought that we had to talk more, and be better at communicating with each other.
    Right after, he went on to ask me of my plans for the weekend (I was home at my place at the time), and also wanted an reassurance that I would be joining him at his parents wedding which was 2 weeks away.

    I was rather confused about these contradicting messages he sent me. One where he almost breaks up with me and the other, he wants reassurance that I still wanna be in his life, at least for the next two weeks…

    We did not talk much more, other that we agreed to sit down and talk in person when the weekend was over.

    We met up, and talked. Really talked, agreed on a few changes to better the relationship, talked about how we wanted things now…Everything seemed fine after. We were back to normal.

    Or so it seemed. We talked more and such, but no sex, and barely any touches or kisses either. It seemed kind of forced sometimes from his side, and I think I sometimes tried too hard when I sensed something was still a bit off…It pained me, and I did not want to bring up how it made me feel those times I tried to take initiative, and got turned down. I was afraid that he would say that he did no longer love me, or see me as someone he did no longer want in his life, so I kept my mouth shut. The weekend of the wedding everything seemed really okay, like things were finally starting to look up for us. We had a fun date night on Friday, and the night of the wedding, I went to sleep with a giant smile plastered on my face. He had been quite affectionate.

    That hope, and happiness turned sour on Sunday. He had already gotten up when I woke up, and I found him, as I had as of late, in front of the computer. He sat there for hours until I finally had to ask what was wrong.

    He told me he still was unsure about his feelings, they were still not strong or as strong as he had hoped for this “far” in the relationship.
    I could not believe what I was hearing. Who goes into a relationship, drags them home and introduce them to his family, friends, co-workers, talks about future, vacations etc, if they don’t have the right kind of feelings?

    I had to ask if he had feelings at all for me, he then answered yes, but more on a rational level. That he liked me a lot, that he could picture us together, we had a lot in common, same goals, that we fitted well together…that was how he explained these “rational” feelings. He then suggested that we took a break, a break to just clear our heads. But he also said, ” just for a week…” I was stunned. I think I sat there gaping at him. Then I started crying, and he hold me, and kept on reassuring that it was just a break…
    When I eventually got up to leave, he stopped me from rushing out the door. ” Don’t I get a kiss?” I did not want to, but did so anyway, which only made things worse. I cried the entire trainride home..

    A week almost passed, and he contacted me and told me he needed more time, more time to think.
    I did what you Chris, has written here on the site on what not to do…I wrote him “a letter”, a long message telling him what I really felt for him, and that this was not easy for me etc, and then, as I ‘ve come to think about after reading it now a few weeks later, I actually think I gave him an “out”, I actually wrote that whatever he decided, he had to follow his heart..Like i kind of suggested that whatever he decided was okay for me..(or maybe I am overanalyzing this like the woman that I am?)

    A few days later, he messaged me that he had read my letter, over and over again, and that he loved it so much and it said so many nice things, but, he could no longer go on…when he finally had calmed himself down, he thought that it might (he actually said might!) not be a good idea to go on any more….But that we could still be friends, and that he would be there for me if i ever needed him…blabla, the usual BS people say.

    I told him that I was hurt, and in shock. And I did not expect him to break up. Because who ask for a break, and then immidiately after say “but only for a week!” .

    I told him to tell me this face to face (he always take things like this up by text!!!). His response was that if he had told me this to my face, we would still be together, and this would only bring out more hurt and despair for both of us if we dragged it out further…He did not want it to end like it had done before with his ex…

    We agreed to meet in a few days, I still had things at his place.

    I went over to him, with great intentions to yell, and to really show him what all this back and forth with him had done to me, turned me into an entire different person. One moment everything seemed okay, and the next, not…

    But I totally lost my head and just sat there and stared at him. So hurt. He told me he did not really know what to say, but it was what it was. He then said that when he first started thinking these thoughts (back when he first told me he was unsure), he could not get away from that trail of thought…and that did not do things better for me…which basically says that he dragged me on for two weeks, to dinners, to a wedding, why, to keep up appearance? so that he would not go alone?

    I felt like a doormath, a bit used. I did not tell him that, even though I wanted to…I wanted to yell at him, fight, or at least show him some kind of emotion…instead I just sat there…like a statue. Just agreeing to everything he was saying, not to cause an argument…

    I still had a tiny bit of hope left inn me that he would take me back, tell me he was sorry etc….He then went on that he still wanted me in his life, as friends. He could see us as friends…I think I babbled on like a crazy person, like how I thought that the reason why these feelings were not there yet, was because we had rushed into a things, and that we hadn’t gotten to know each other on every level. He sort of agreed and then we somehow shifted over to talk about nonchalant things…and parted with a hug and a “talk to you later”…Now, I don’t really remember what happened right there…and I still have a lot of things I feel has been unsaid, and they are nagging at me…still, 3 weeks later.

    I havn’t heard from him since that day. Its been 19 daysn now. I havn’t tried to make contact either. I still do believe that he still have feelings for me, and mine are definiely there for him. He would not have dragged things out so much if he really did not care, I mean? Or?

    I also believe that this thing with the ex, also has something to do with this as it ended badly…, and his age is also a factor. He is still single, whereas his friends are settling down, getting married, having kids etc. He dont want to make a mistake again? Ah, I wish I could ask him all these things…

    What do you think? Is there a chance, or a hope? And how can I even start to approach him eventually?

    1. admin

      May 9, 2014 at 3:26 pm

      What about his age is a factor?

    2. Molly

      May 9, 2014 at 4:36 pm

      Just forget that I mentioned his age…i dont really recall why I wrote that in the first place.

  8. Katie

    May 8, 2014 at 4:54 pm

    Chris .. or anyone who cares to reply, can you tell me if the program will work in a situation whereby the individuals in the relationship were not (at any time) equally invested in each other? In fact, the ex-BF broke it off because GF was too way over-invested (in his opinion).

    Katie

    1. admin

      May 9, 2014 at 3:19 pm

      I think it will be harder and you migh thave to tone it down a bit but it can work.

  9. nj

    May 8, 2014 at 4:52 pm

    Hello Chris:
    Nj say a big hello and give you a big hug here:), just for thank you come up another wonderful insightful article,thing is my be loved ex went to Montreal on May1 to attend his best friends wedding, he texted on May 2 as Well, but since then till now, didnt hear anything from him,I start to get worried, dont know if hes all right, and if he has back to Vietnam already(we are LDR ),do you think I will be too desperated if send him a text ask him is his everything all right afternoon 1 week not hear from him?(before never more than 1week of NC) thank you very much for your advice !really appreciated!
    Bsrgs
    Nj

    1. admin

      May 9, 2014 at 3:19 pm

      I think it could be if you send that particular text. Find something else to text him.

    2. nj

      May 10, 2014 at 3:13 am

      thanks Chris,gladly, I got text from him after I wrote to you,didnt see that coming so soon to be honest, he said he had very bad jet lagged over the week, and he made the speech of his friends wedding in front of 500people which made all the people love his friend more, I can feel he is very proud of that. I am glad I got his text before I almost send out the kinda desperated text, thank you very much, Chris

  10. aisha

    May 8, 2014 at 4:44 am

    He contacted me on skype.. he spoke for abit then a few days after he ring me and cuts off.. then later that afternoon he rings me but he gets his friend to talk whos bring rude.. i didnt answer for a whilem then i messaged him on skype and we got into an argument were his denying it. and he then deletes me but the puts up a display picture with his ex which he showed me a while bk. so what do i do

    1. admin

      May 8, 2014 at 4:38 pm

      Its good he contacted you through skype.

      The deleting thing kind of sucks but he seems to by trying to play games with you.

  11. maggie

    May 8, 2014 at 3:31 am

    Hi,

    Two weeks after we broke up, he started dating someone new. I’m embarrassed to say I’ve done all the desperate things you mentioned. It got so bad to the point that he now completely ignores me + blocked me. He used to think really highly of me before we broke up but now that i’ve done all the desperate things, i feel like he’s disgusted by me. He even told me that everyone around him thinks i’m psycho. I was really hurt and in a bad place back then and now i feel so ashamed of everything i did. I tried no contact for around a month but then when i tried to contact him he still didn’t want to talk to me. Its been around a week since then.

    Do you have any advice for this situation where we already made the mistake of acting like a crazy ex? At this point i don’t have hope of getting back together anymore. I just want to get my dignity back and erase his memory of all the pathetic things i did towards the end.

    Please help me.

    1. admin

      May 8, 2014 at 4:35 pm

      Pull back a little bit. Right now just focus on rebuilding yourself before you rebuild the relationship.

    2. maggie

      May 8, 2014 at 5:07 pm

      how much longer should i go no contact for in this case?

  12. Nata

    May 7, 2014 at 5:13 pm

    Hey Chris, when we emailed each other last week my ex asked me if I am seeing anyime, I answered that everything is moving forward but no, I am not dating. When u asked him, he said, “no nothing serious “. I replied good luck, and that I am sure he will find someone nice or have already found. He replied that he is not interested in finding it now. Then I ended the conversation and he didn’t email or text since last Thursday. I didn’t either.
    What do you think? You think he is seeing someone ? It’s been barely 2 months since we stopped seeing each other. He seemed very nice talking to me, why he didn’t say anything after I contacted him?

    1. admin

      May 8, 2014 at 4:21 pm

      Its good that he asked that. He is probably curious.

      What makes you think he is seeing someone?

    2. Nata

      May 9, 2014 at 5:15 am

      When I asked him if he is dating someone, he said,” nothing serious”. And u wished him good luck and ended the conversation. That was last week. I haven’t contacted him since then.
      I don’t think he is dating, i don’t know. But he likes to play little games with me (I did it a lot to him so he is teachig me lol) z
      I don’t want to contact him, I did contact, he was very positive. I want him to initiate something. Am I right ??

  13. carol

    May 7, 2014 at 11:58 am

    Hi,
    I broke up with my bf of 4 years in january,i read your article and applied the no contact rule..during the nc he kept asking for his stuff back which i sent via courier but he wanted in person,he always found a reson just to text me and i replied with a direct answer.so two weeks ago he called me and i accepted to go to the club with him,the most fortunate thing happened,we spoke about our r/shp and he accepted to forgive me and get back with me but he already had a rebound girl who he said that he was with her to try and forget me which he could not but he still loves me.since then we have been texting but i have never asked him about the other woman and i have not gotten intimate with him.he had has been waiting for me to text first…

    Kindly advise what to do before its too late.

    nb:i want him back

  14. Claire

    May 7, 2014 at 9:15 am

    Hi Chris.
    My ex did something weird last night. Idk what to make out of it.
    To recap, he broke up with me a few weeks before he moved to a different city (6 hours away). He said he hadn’t felt love for me for a long time, that he’s moving on into a new life, and instead of me, he wanted a different woman to share that with him. I was devastated but remained calmed. But then we hung out a couple times before he left and things got “warmed-uped”. He treated me the same as when we were together. When he left he told me he didn’t know if we would work out. If it does that’s fine, if it doesn’t he would not put in the extra effort to make it work cuz he didn’t want any stress. So he’s been gone for a week now, and I’m not even sure what our relationship status is. But I just assumed we are broken up because I thought it was better to have no expectation. I also have evolved from feeling devastated and in denial to acceptance. Even though I still have feelings for him and felt sad about letting him go, I’ve decided not to keep him anymore if he really didn’t feel the same way about me anymore. I convinced myself that he has lost all emotional connections to me and all the intimate moments we had when we hung out meant nothing. So I ignored him for a week. Not in a strategic way. I just wanted to heal. But then yesterday he called me in the middle of the night.

    I answered. He started talking randomly. He sounded unstable, so I asked if he was under influence. He said his friend let him smoke some weed a few hours ago. Since he never smoked it before, it hit him pretty hard. I got a little annoyed for the random call and asked him why the hell he called me. Then he started sobbing. I was shocked cuz I didn’t see it coming. He told me when he was high he felt for a moment that he was about to lose him mind. He got so scared. And then I appeared in his head. He was afraid that he would lose touch of me, along with our memory, so the only thing he managed to do was searching for my name in his phone and gave me a call. I ended up staying on the phone with him until he was stable. He was crying the whole time.

    I still don’t understand what happened. I know nothing about weed and don’t know if it works similarly as alcohol. Should I analyze this as a “drunk dialing” example? And the things he told me when he was under influence, was there any meaning to them? Or it was just the weed talking? Could it be that he might still have deep feelings for me contrary to my belief? Or am I being desperate for over-analyzing his “weed talk” because deep down I still want him too bad?
    Please tell me what you think. Thanks a bunch!

    1. admin

      May 7, 2014 at 3:45 pm

      Weed dialing hahaha I think it makes you more open but I have never done drugs in my life so I can’t say for sure. You might want to do some research on the internet about the effects it can have on you.

  15. atisah

    May 7, 2014 at 8:00 am

    Hi Chtis. my boyfriend is workaholic and does not care about me anymore. what should I do to make him more satisfied?

    1. admin

      May 7, 2014 at 3:45 pm

      Satisfied in what area?

  16. Anonymous VA

    May 7, 2014 at 12:16 am

    Hi Chris,

    My ex and I work at the same company – luckily it’s large and we rarely cross paths. We ended things about 6 months ago, and during that time I did break your rule about “engaging texts / emails.” I’ve probably sent 5 emails / texts about random things and he’s responded twice with innocuous replies. Last month I emailed him and asked to meet at the office for his advice about switching jobs within the company. He suggested grabbing a drink after work on Friday, but I was going out of town. This past Wednesday, I ran into him at the office and we talked for about 30 minutes. It was a friendly conversation and at the end, I lightly touched his chest and said “thanks.”

    My questions are: Do I just wait and see? If he doesn’t contact me, do I reach out again and say that I have more follow up questions about the job switch? Or do I just let it go?

    Thanks!

    1. admin

      May 7, 2014 at 3:32 pm

      Wait and see.

  17. Liz

    May 6, 2014 at 1:43 am

    I don’t feel that I’ve been desperate but I wanted to ask your opinion if I am. The past few months my ex and I have been friends. Occasionally we meet up to eat or watch a movie. Most of the time we meet at university for his club events and he texts me asking me to come. At these events his club would sell food and he’d buy it for me. Once he even bought me a plant that I liked from another club’s booth and he gave me a t-shirt he just bought. He even gives me snacks and buys me food when we do go out and he buys me water because he knows I get dehydrated.

    The thing I’m questioning is the texting. It’s equal initiation with possibly him initiating more but it’s always just a picture or a meme. Or an article of something I like. They are always things that are particularly of my interest like geology, birds, art, my tv shows and so on. I’ll respond and then he won’t reply. Then there’ll be nothing for a few days until he sends something else. But if I initiate conversation he’ll reply occasionally but seems to stop it from going any longer than a 2 day conversation. It goes like this back and forth.

    Then 2 days ago it was a sudden change. He text me asking to watch a movie with him later and he wanted to get lunch as well. He went as far as to letting me into his apartment, which I haven’t been in since the breakup, and he gave me copies of my favorite show so I could catch up. He insisted we ride together in his car when usually he seems hesitant on being in the same car. After lunch we dropped my car off at my house and he even came inside! He wanted to come in. Then we went out to have dinner and we went in his car. We sang and laughed the whole way. He kept trying to make me laugh and kept acting goofy and it was a blast. At the end of the night he hugged me really long and hard and said “I had a lot of fun today”. Then the next day it went back to him texting me an article of something I like, I replied and no response from him.

    Basically I feel that he’s so on and off. Am I acting desperate by responding to his texts of memes/pictures and hanging out with him? I’ve been really careful on not being a text gnat and thinking carefully all of my texts. Also, I should mention that it turns out I have depression and traits of BPD. These were the causes of the fights in our relationship. I am now on medication and I go to therapy and I am working on myself. I have lost all of my relationship weight and I feel good about myself again. Right now it’s still about me and working on me and I’ve let my ex know that I’m in therapy and working on the issues I had.

    What am I doing wrong then if I’m not being desperate that makes him go back and forth like this? Why does he do this? Or rather, what should I do?

    1. admin

      May 6, 2014 at 7:09 pm

      Maybe a little but not much really.

    2. Liz

      May 7, 2014 at 3:39 am

      How do I become less desperate if that is considered being a little desperate? Is he using me emotionally by sending me memes and pictures of things I like but not responding when I reply to those? I don’t understand why a guy would do this.

      I don’t know how to show him I’m worth more than that. I’ve read your other guides but I feel that with this on and off thing he pulls, it’s hard to even attempt to show him that I’m, I guess for lack of a better word, better. How do I do it only through texts if the little texting I do send him can be considered desperate?

      It’s hard to keep hope after 5 months of trying. It really is.

  18. anonymouss

    May 4, 2014 at 8:48 pm

    my ex and I have been broken up for about 6 months now (he broke it off). I did the NC right after the break up, then we started talking again. Turned into a regular amount of contact. Then he started drunk texting me and such which started to confuse me. Eventually we met and talked and he was adamant about not getting back together so I told him he needs to stop talking to me so often. I stopped contacting him first after that (hadn’t really been doing so anyways). He cut the contact down to about once a week; but showed up at a party that one of our mutual friends was having (I had no idea he would be there, didn’t expect it at all, very random). Eventually he started to drunk text me again, I didn’t really reciprocate. I saw him out at the bars a few weeks ago with his friends (we were both pretty intoxicated), they were all very happy to see me and we talked a bit and then he bought me drinks and then took a cab home with me (“to make sure I got home ok”). We started to make out, but then I stopped it and we got into a huge fight and I left and he took a cab home; we both said some pretty stupid things. The next day we both acknowledged that we didn’t even really know what the fight was about and kind of brushed it aside, but I haven’t heard form him since… (side note: I think he might be ‘talking to’ or possibly seeing another girl) I’m not sure what to do now. Should I text him and say that I hope his exams went well? or something like that? I’m not sure what to do now, advice please!!

  19. cheche

    May 4, 2014 at 4:42 pm

    Hey chris! you knew from my previous comments too right? Anyway, we haven’t spoken since the time I posted my comment. I broke up with him and texted him the day after telling him sorry and i want him back. Still no reply. its been 3 weeks now and i feel like my chances of getting him back is not going to get any better. Do you think I still have a chance of getting him back?

  20. Jessica

    May 4, 2014 at 2:03 pm

    Hi Chris! Thank you for the hard work you put in this websites. Anytime I feel sad and hopeless reading and re reading old guides makes me a stronger more confident women. I’m almost done doing no contact. Found his text messages, talking about our future together, in my old phone. Would sending a picture of it, after I’m done my NC, and saying “stumbled across my old phone and found this” sound desperate or remind him of the feelings he used to have?

    1. admin

      May 6, 2014 at 7:02 pm

      I think that is a little too desperate yes.

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