Desperation 101- How To Get Your Boyfriend Back Without Looking Desperate

481 thoughts on “Desperation 101- How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back Without Looking Desperate”

Nj

May 28, 2014 at 7:44 am

Hello Chris:
Sorry i have to come here to seek help from you again,my LRD exboyfreind suddenly stopped contacted me for a week, last time he did it, ended up like he finally texted me after one week and said he’s sorry for being MIA,he’s very busy and replied me a lot texts. This time again, I really dont get it, why he’s been like that? suddenly stop answering my text and disapper,and i dont know what should i do next, just wait for him text me? i am worried, dont know if any could happen to him:(, because i heard Vietnam is having some irots going on. He is Canadian. Please, i need your male prospects and advices, any comments will be appreciated. thank you Chirs!
Bsrgs!
Nj
Cee

May 24, 2014 at 12:59 am

i am following your book, i did try second attempt of NC…i greeted him on his birthday last May 22
. He responded positively and I ended the conversation politely as stated in the book. Now we are not speaking again. What should I do now? Please give a specific answer. Thanks

admin

May 25, 2014 at 2:24 pm

Have you tried reaching out again since you tried on his B-Day?
Cee

May 27, 2014 at 3:21 am

not yet…what is a good thing to say that he will make him reply?

Pan

May 23, 2014 at 6:56 pm

I bougth the book the last week and I’m confused, i don’t know if this will work for me… 20 days have passed after NC rule. After one day for NC rule he send me a message for “what’s going on?” and I panic and I said him it would be better no talk to us for a while… he didn’t answer after that.
He broke up with me because he doesn’t love me anymore and plus, he will go to study in Germany the next year (we’re americans) and he told me he doesn’t want to leave the country with a relationship. I told him we have to try the long-distance relationship but he doesn’t want, he really doesn’t want a relationship know.
So I don’t know what to do, I’m afraid for the day I will contact him, i’m really desperate about all this.

admin

May 25, 2014 at 2:09 pm

You should have probably kept to NC rather than saying what you said…. no worries though, you can still salvage the situation.

mui

May 23, 2014 at 12:11 am

Dear. Chris

Hi. I’ve been reading you articles for about 6 months. It’s so helpful when I feel depressed. So thanks to you.
I will try to make it short… I’m not sure if I can though. Anyway I was in a relationship with a guy who is from different country. We were relationship on and off many times because of his uncertainties for 2.5 years. During the time, slightly more than 1 year, we were in a long distance relationship. I was the one who begged him to stay with me, when I was back to the country he lived, I did everything I could do for him. He wasn’t satisfied and made complains about my English and my status as a jobless who supposed to study in few months. I did all housework instead of him and housemates as I thought that was what I could do at the moment and he would know my efforts and I wasn’t the person who just lied on the bed and wasting time. But one day he said he didn’t want a slave but a girlfriend which made me so weird and sad as there were things he asked me to do.
Anyway, he met a girl who was a friend of our housemates at a bar, stayed with her from 10 pm to 1 am and lied to me that he met interesting people at a society party he attended to make connections. At that time I was near the bar alone sitting on the station till 1 am, crying and thinking what I did wrong, what led our situation bad like that. How I could change this situation happily, I found it out later he was actually at the bar near where I was.

I had some reason to be back to my country for a month after that, just before my leaving I found out that he was taking to the girl, they sent each other kiss emoticons like ‘xx’ all the time and asked each other’s daily lives as she was traveling. he hadn’t sent me something sweet like that. I asked him that his horrible behaviors and his need to finish our relationship was because of this girl. He said she was a just friend who came to travel for few weeks. But when I back to my country, texted him that I knew all his lies and wanted to talk about it to not misunderstand him, he said I had to accept that our relationship has already ended and the girl was just a friend who was traveling. And he didn’t consider me as a girlfriend. I asked him to talk later when I got back to the country he lived as I would like to spend good time with my family.
A week later, he sent me an email to say that I had reasons to be jealous as he couldn’t hide the feelings on the girl. I called him and asked what it meant. He just said she was back to her country.
The following week, he sent me another email that he and the girl liked each other, he didn’t know if they were a couple or not though. He said he couldn’t tell me on the phone as he didn’t want to see me cry. I called him and shouted that I would tell her that he hid my presence to her otherwise she couldn’t do that if she knew that he had a girlfriend. I asked my housemate if she knew about me and had same thought as him. The housemate said she knew about me and my leaving and she also said they liked each other but they weren’t a couple.
He also confessed that when we were in a long distance relationship for a year, he thought we were over anyway, therefore he dated other girls, nothing left though. It’s hurt me massively. Still have nightmares and can sleep only like 3 hrs a day. But wake up every 30 mins or so.

I met him after that twice because he didn’t give my some stuff back and wanted me to copy the pics of our traveling with his friends.
At the 2nd meeting, while talking about holidays, he said he would travel at the end of the week we met to the countries around she lives. He didn’t mention about her but he said he would visit the country as well. it’d been 4 months it had happened. it meant they also hadn’t seen each other for 4 months. and there is 7 hrs time differences and they have different nationalities. both have no aim to move into each other’s countries I think. and at the last calling, he said she was a just friend again and liked me a lot. Anyway he told me the exact dates of his traveling plans as he had 3 plans of traveling. But he ended up lying to me about when he left. We are friends on FB as he accepted in the morning of the day he supposed to leave and texted me that he’s got a letter from a hospital for me and he would give me back after traveling. I asked him weather he would leave at the day and he said yes. But he didn’t leave at the day and posted something on FB in a same time as me at the next day in the evening he was supposed to be in another country according to him.
Then he posted another post on FB in the country where she lives to announce that he was leaving to another country for a business trip by a cruise, she liked both posts of his.
They’ve met only twice and just texted. He is not a romantic guy and thinks himself as a rational guy and really cares about money. I cannot think that he’s been there for her who has met only twice. He hasn’t come to my country even once as the ticket was expensive during the 2 years.

He liked her profile picture 10 days ago, I was shocked by this as he always hid me on FB. My depression became worse by this and on this Monday, after not contacting to each other for almost more than 6 weeks, he suddenly sent me a text to watch the world-cup together as there is a game between my country and his country. I replied like that ‘hi, how are you? ok, let’s watch the match and drop me a line before that. hv a good day.’ He hasn’t replied me back still now. I’ts been 3 days and I don’t think he will reply. I had an impression he still ignores me. When he texted her, he held his mobile all the time and immediately answered. And the mobile was a gift from me for his b-day.

I was wondering if he really thinks of me as friends just like he used to want but I rejected.
At the first meeting after break up, he said he was happy to see me as friends, I told him that I hadn’t said that we could see as friends. and he also said i’m the precious person for him and he’s been thinking about it but it was a right decision. i pretended i didn’t hear anything and didn’t react about it. he wanted to hug me strongly every time he sees me. first time, I accept few times then said no. second time when I met him, I was giving a little hug to say bye and he suddenly hugged me strongly. I said no immediately. he asked me could he just hug me and i didn’t say anything. Just looked at him.

I did really everything I could do and if he needed my help, I really did all my efforts. Is there any chance he misses me and wants to get back together…? or does he see me only as friends? do you think the girl and he really liked each other and can last the feeling so far? and why does he behave like that? he texts me first and doesn’t reply at all. it hurts me.

I’ve got a depression when I was with him. My counselor said I had to accept that I was in the emotional violent situation for a long time.. My depression’s getting worse and worse since this situation’s happened. I keep thinking myself as a person who doesn’t deserve to be loved because of his behaviors and hurts he gave me. it is really terrible and dangerous for me now as I’m in depression I cannot control my negative feelings often.
So I’d appreciate your help.

Please help me.. will wait for your comment.. thanks.

admin

May 23, 2014 at 5:21 pm

Are the two of you still separated by the distance?
mui

May 23, 2014 at 8:56 pm

Thanks for your reply.

No, we didn’t separate by distance.
He said we were not a perfect fit and had no common interest, even though he knew that I tried to please him. We are still living in the same town that’s why he asked me to watch the match next month.
He used to say he would like to have a girl who can share his interest (finance area), talk about it all the time, have similar job, and have a same cultural background as him.
But the girl he met was also from totally different country. The girl, who he texted before our break up, is living in 12 hrs away from here and there is 7 hrs time differences.
The problem is that he is living in 2 months for studying which is 3 hrs away from here. Also, he could choose to study in overseas during the specific term in the different branch where the country the girl lives. He said he would stay in one city, but because of his behavior, I have no trust on him which makes me sadder and more depressed.

He said I prisoned him for too long because every time when I begged, he came back and said let’s see how it went. Then I tried more and more and more to hold his mind and thought he still had hurts from his first love as he said that, therefore if I tried more, he would be fine.
He said on the phone 7 months ago when he sent the last email to say he and the girl liked each other that he felt exhausted more than happy when he was with me at the same home, he thought we couldn’t have a deep communication because of my English and my lack of knowledge in his area which I asked him to let me know but he rejected so I studied alone but it wasn’t enough. Also he didn’t see my efforts as well. So I tried to let him know about my area (Movies) which he seemed interested. But maybe it didn’t work for him.

I wanted to share time together with him because I thought if we shared more time, he would have no uncertainties anymore as I really tried to make us work out, but he wanted to be alone and to see me when he wanted.
Another problem we had was that he pushed me to move out to another house, I wished as well. But there was no suitable room for me at the moment. I honestly looked for the room for more than a month but couldn’t get it. He didn’t believe my words and though I intended to delay to move out to stay with him. However, when he asked me to find a room for myself, I actually got an appointment to have a look for the room, he cried and asked me to stay longer. But he said it was just his favor only for saving my money as I was worried about my finance status because I got money from my parents.
I was looking for a part-time job because I promised myself that I wouldn’t get money from my parents anymore. But he said if I worked in the cafe or somewhere, he wouldn’t talk nd see me as he didn’t want a girlfriend who worked in a cafe because he thought the people who worked there were stupid (not my ideas, sorry to say it.) and it made him embarrassed. So I was struggling to find a proper job as he wanted but as a foreigner who didn’t have background in this country, it was really difficult but he didn’t believe and complained that I was getting money fro m my parents. His parents also asked him whether I got a job or not all the time and suggested some jobs I might be able to do like a photographer or something for travelers.
And he hated it and wanted me to get the proper jobs.
Now, as I’m in the mid term of my master course, I’ve often got really good job offers, it’s a bit difficult to work there actually because I have a bunch of assignments to do. But still, I think I can get it whenever I want after this course.

From some point, when we met his friends, he talked in his language instead of English and told me that his friends were not good at English, so he didn’t want to make them uncomfortable to use Eng because of me. I had to understand and let them speak something in their language even when I was there.

He often said he wanted me to be his friend rather than his girlfriend. I rejected and said I wouldn’t see him if we had to separate, when I said that he cried. One time, I was so exhausted about that situation and tries, I told him that I didn’t want to see him if I found my room, he cried and hugged me, said that wasn’t what he wanted to happen. But then this situation has happened. He still hasn’t replied. My depression became worse, so am waiting for a counselor but the responses from her also have been delayed.

If you want to know more, please let me know.
And Please, Please, Please help me.
admin

May 25, 2014 at 2:20 pm

What was the reasoning for him just wanting you to be his friend? Why wouldn’t he commit?
mui

May 25, 2014 at 8:31 pm

I don’t know well the reason why he wanted to be only friends. He just said he wanted to be friends and every time when I said that if we finished our relationship, I would not to see each other again, then he cried and said that wasn’t what he wanted.

He was having a lot of his works and studies all the time when we were together and even before he met me, his friends told me that according to my ex, when he was a student, he always studied and worked hard, he didn’t enjoy his time like other students so he wanted to have fun in his life. So in 2 months, he is going to study again as before he told me that he wanted to enjoy the student’s life again.

He often said that I was a his dream lady and he thought it would work but it was different from his dream – because we didn’t have common interest(finance, politic etc/art, I also have an interest in politic but mostly about my country first) and I didn’t speak English properly so he thought we couldn’t have a deep conversation and he is the person who is only interested in his area and likes to talk about his works, we had different cultural background etc..
Honestly I don’t understand it as I thought our memories could create our common interest and we could make it to learn each other’s knowledge, also if we tried to know each other’s area, it would make us more knowledgeable. For me, it was all about understanding and accepting rather than finding differences between us but he said he didn’t want it – and from some point, he felt like that he liked me a lot as a friend and maybe loved me but not as much as being in a relationship.

I told him that I wouldn’t do any skin ship with only just a friend if he thought that way he shouldn’t do any skin ship with me, he knew it. But he did skin ship anyway even when he was texting the girl- I didn’t know her presence at the moment.
I felt like I was abused and it makes me crazy and depressing.

Also, he looks like to want to focus on his life first and doesn’t want to care about me at all. Even when I was sick, he didn’t help me and didn’t care of me.
He often said he needed freedom so I let him do everything without me, but asked him to do things together. He planned to travel with our housemates but me. I had to insist him to let me join with the trip for a month, he finally let me join with it. Then he said I wanted too much and gave him too much stresses. But it was our first trip we went during the 2 years. I had to insist otherwise there would be no chance to do it together as he used all his day off for the travelling.

At the beginning of our relationship, he said that when he looked for a girl, he considered 3 options – Look, background, and ability. He said my look and background were fine but he wanted to see my ability more and I couldn’t show him in this country because of my status as a foreigner. He pushed me to get a proper job here, but I couldn’t.

The girl he said he liked, she looks not really beautiful according to others, has a job in her country and studied before for 3 years in this country so probably, she is good at English…

He liked some news posts on FB today but still hasn’t replied yet to me. I think he just ignored my reply like that and I feel that I’m not valuable for him and the offer for watching world cup together from him was also meaningless…. I think he just said that with no wants to see me. it makes my depression worse.

Please, help me….
mui

May 27, 2014 at 8:52 pm

help me please. I’ve read all your articles obviously. Almost 7 months has been passed after this break up.
Then doesn’t he has any feelings for me anymore as it has been for a too long while? He said to my friend that he didn’t have same feeling like before on me anymore. Even though he kept contacting me suddenly, once a month but when he got my reply, he ignored and doesn’t reply.
My friend says he is playing now. But he is not that kind of person I think.. So when he said he and the girl liked each other, it hurt me extremely.
And I’m still suffered by the thought that he might think about the girl when he did the skin ship at the day I left to my country. It’s so horrible to think and makes me more depressed seriously and cannot control this depression well.
Is there any chance he comes back to me before his leaving to another country? and the country is like 2 hrs away from here by a train.
And is it possible that he might still have something with the another girl? because he traveled the country where she lives and they still like each other’s posts sometimes.
While his traveling, I texted him if he was doing well and he replied back the next day to say yes and hope i’m fine. Then when he posted something on FB on her country to announce that he was about to leave the country to another by a cruise, I sent another message to him if he went to another country directly, he answered 3 days later and it was polite. If he had something with her and went there for her, then he couldn’t hug me strongly and replied back to me like that, could he?…. and he might not ask me to watch the match in a month together. but if he missed me, he probably could make other reasons to see me though, all of sudden, he asked me to watch the match and then read my reply then still hasn’t replied. what does it mean? does it mean the message was meaningless and does he consider me as a friend even though I rejected? Why doesn’t he reply me back when he sent me the text first?
I keep comparing his behavior toward me and her. as he was excited to talk to her on the phone when we were together, he replied immediately but for me still. it’s so hurting me and makes me feel myself worthless.
I have a problem with living ordinary days, I’ve done all my works well and have got good job offers lately as well. I pretend it well outside as like I have no depression but when I am alone at home, it becomes very serious even the pretending causes more stresses. Therefore I become having a fear of being outside where can be crowded. I hesitate for about 30 mins before leaving the house as I’m not sure if I can endure my fear well outside. And suddenly, feel extremely nervous, so have to come back home.
But the nervous doesn’t go away after that for a while. I feel so small when I see the people who are from her country and hate them even though I don’t want to. Then compare myself to her and keep thinking his behavior on me at the last of our relationship which make me feel so horrible like betrayed and cheated and abused.
I don’t think he is checking my FB or sth. I think he just doesn’t care about me and never feel sorry about what he has done to me. also never appreciate what I have done for him. everything around me just there to hurt me I think lately.
I have met really good people after break up, they’are all trying to help me and calm me down. at the moment, it seems like my depression get better, but then it becomes worse again because of the comparison and thought, reminding of hurts, and his behavior about me now.
I’m unstable now and it is really hard to stand. I could be strong when I was mentally healthy. But now, it is just not working the way I wish and people advised. they all say there are no chance he would come back again. he might do in the future but very unlikely and not this time for sure.
this depression makes my physical heath broken as well… I’m doing counselling and it’s online stuff, so sometimes when I really need a help, I cannot get it.

I’m not normally writing sth on website but when I read your articles, I thought you have a great perspective on male’s view, so wanted to get some useful advice for my situation and if there is a possibility he might realize what I’ve done to him and wanna back to me.

Please help me.

Melanie

May 22, 2014 at 3:06 am

Ok, so I should text him something with emotional influence and start a conversation…. but how would i back off and leave in short bursts? What do you mean by that? Ignore him for a few day?

admin

May 22, 2014 at 4:06 pm

Just end the conversation at the high point like I said.

Jesse

May 21, 2014 at 11:56 pm

I think you may remember me, the girl with the impulsive boyfriend. I made a comment on this post a week or two ago.

Well recently I went to a party he was at and he avoided me but was watching me and kept telling our mutual friend he hates me. She said that hate is a feeling and it shows that he hasn’t move on, and my ex replied “Maybe I haven’t moved on.” Then he got jealous when I was talking to another guy. My ex’s friend told the guy that now is a perfect time for him and I to hook up and that we should date, so the guy asked about it and my ex just shrugged and apparently looked upset and bothered. My ex and his friend were being immature and throwing confetti in my hair for 20 minutes when I wasn’t looking. My ex avoided the guy the next day. My ex’s friend was trying to hook this girl up with him. He was acting all interested in her at the party in front of me, but later told our mutual friend that he didn’t like her.

Today (3 days after the party), in school I snapchatted my ex (since he blocked me on Facebook and Whatsap) and went kind of text gnat and kept asking him to pick up his stuff. (He still hasn’t picked up this giant back of stuff he left by my house and avoids picking it up every time I mention it.) I was sitting at a yacht club after school and just as I thought of my ex, he walked by. He saw me and said hi, but I was crying from a fight with my dad and I. He asked if I wanted to talk about it and I said no but he insisted. He sat down and asked me a million questions like what happened, are you sad? Then his friend came up behind him and asked what was wrong. When he heard, his friend invited me to take a drive with them. My ex’s friend (the same one at the party) kept going into stores and leaving my ex and I alone in the car. He would turn around in the seat telling me what to do about my dad etc. I told him my dad wanted me to move back in with my mom (in a different country), and my ex seemed like he thought that was a great idea for me to move. I ended up going to watch them play volleyball. I asked if he wanted me to go to another friend’s house and he said no it’s fine do what you want. At one point when my ex was playing volleyball I looked over and he looked at me and smiled. I had to leave and my ex just said bye.

Do you think he was just being friendly or he still has feelings and that protective and caring boyfriend side of him came out?

He still has a lot of feelings for me and hasn’t moved on. He’s the guy I wrote about earlier, that changed a lot. He drinks more, parties more, fights with his family, and lost most of his friend, and he has a lot of two-week ugly rebounds. If you remember my previous post I’m sure it will help you understand it a lot better.

admin

May 22, 2014 at 4:04 pm

The fact that he says that means he isn’t over the breakup and still thinks about you a lot.
Jesse

May 23, 2014 at 7:36 pm

Sorry! I commented on the wrong post above! Reply to this one please.

He went and told his mom and my friend to help me with the problems with my dad and I. I think that means he really cares.

He told our mutual friend that when he came and talked to me he was just being nice. He said he doesn’t know if we’re friends or not, but I can’t force him to be. He also said he doesn’t care if we’re friends or not. I think he probably said he doesn’t care what happens between us because he does, and wanted to cover it up and make it seem like he doesn’t. If he actually didn’t care I feel like he wouldn’t have the need to say he didn’t.

What do you think? What should I do?
admin

May 25, 2014 at 2:15 pm

I think it does too!
Jesse

May 25, 2014 at 4:18 pm

My ex is being nice to me again. He ignored my text but the same night I saw him in person. He hugged all my friends and just said hi to me and didn’t respond. When I walked past him he asked if I was going to leave with my friends and I said “Nope.” and he was like “What the f*ck?!” (I don’t know why he responded like that) but I replied back as if he was a baby, slowly saying “I am not leaving with them.” His friend came up behind me and rubbed my forearms as if I was cold and I was standing in front of my ex. He looked me straight in the eyes as if he his heart had a shock. When I left I hugged his friend good-bye first so my ex turned around awkwardly in his chair and said “Bye Jesse.” smiled, and hugged me awkwardly.

He usually ignores me at parties and gives me angry jealous stares. I think he may be being nice to me because he knows I’m in a fight with my dad and seems pretty concerned about it.

My friend said that if he’s mean to you it means he isn’t over you. She’s the same friend that told him hate is a feeling and showed he still has feelings, and he agreed that he wasn’t over me. So I’m confused. He’s being nice now. A week ago he was saying he wasn’t over me. He’s still acting jealous though.

A few months ago when I was positive he still had a lot of feelings for me, he was nice and laughing with me brining up old memories, but he got scared of us being close again and was mean to me ever since. Maybe he is just going back to that loving stage, but he knows what he’s doing now and can handle it.

Do you think he’s getting over me or he’s being friendly and opening up again because he wants to rekindle a relationship or friendship?
admin

May 27, 2014 at 2:22 pm

Your friend is right. The fact that hes mean to you means he is still thinking about you a lot and hasn’t gotten over it.
Jesse

May 28, 2014 at 12:20 am

Well my friend said that he is now over me because he’s being nice. That part didn’t make sense. I explained to her what happened (that I wrote below) and she changed her mind on him being over me.

Yesterday evening we met and I dropped off his stuff he left by my house. He was really awkward and mean/rude and seemed nervous. He said he didn’t want to talk. I told him that I’m sorry for pushing him away in the beginning and that I’m ok now and he said it’s okay. He also commented nicely on my dress, which makes me look busty. An hour later he called me (the first time out of no where since the break up) and asked me for the number of a pizza place we used to go to a lot. He could have looked online or asked anyone else, so I’m pretty sure it was an excuse just to call.

Today in school his friend talked to him and asked why we aren’t friends. My ex said we are sort of acquaintances but he’s still mad at me because “I f*cked up” (I flirted with his old friend, and that contributed to the break up). The guy asked my ex if he missed me and my ex said that he misses the sex (probably just to look cool). Then apparently my ex seemed really sad and said that he never sees me smile anymore and he feels bad because he likes my smile. My ex has never said things like that since the break up, or even during. My ex also told him that he once proposed friends with benefits but that I started crying so he decided he would leave me alone (but that was a really really long time ago).

I think bringing back his stuff made him a bit upset. He even commented on how many shirts he had left at my house while looking through the bag. There’s a lot of memories in there.

I don’t know what to do now. I want to ask him to another dinner, or to a casual movie but I’m afraid I’ll push it because I also want to show him that “I’m over him.” At the same time I want to make progress with him.

What should I do? Does he seem to be in love with me or not?

Stacy

May 21, 2014 at 1:04 pm

I implemented much of your advice so far and I’m pleased to say that I have made excellent progress with not only regards to my ex but myself.
So after my ex and I decided that we can be friends we now joke around over texting and laugh and reminisce about old times. However not much in detail. More neutral.
So after a few days I decided to take the plunge and call him. Straight after the hello how are you pleasantries. I asked him if he will do me a favour and meet up with me. (I had his birthday gift that I needed to give him which I had been saving) he said no, after a little bit of persuasion he said maybe and he will think about it. I accepted it gracefully and cut the call. I didn’t make any small talk or was bubbly, just straight and polite. Did I make a mistake about that? (he also asked is I needed to see him today he seemed like he had other plans too)
Later I messaged him apologizing saying that it was the last thing I needed to do regarding him and he said that asking to meet up with him to gain closure is okay but not to give him any gifts. I told him that the gift was specifically chosen for him and he said that we can talk about it
I later implemented the “appreciation” texts and he actually apologized for not being around.Later the jealousy method about a movie and will “definitely” see it. The next day we spoke about it again and he said that he will definitely meet me only if its to talk and it cant be explained over texting. I told him that its the last thing to close the chapter and he said that we will see what happens. What do I do next?

Also the confession text worked flawlessly
How do I get him to ensure this meet up. Also I’m always initiating conversation. How do I reverse the roles.

admin

May 21, 2014 at 4:11 pm

Glad to hear that you are making progress.

You get him to ensure the meet up by becoming such an influence on him he can’t turn you down. Youve read some of the articles more geared towards making him fall in love with you again right?
Stacy

May 22, 2014 at 3:34 pm

Yes I have ready quite a few of them. He is a very stubborn person and he has quite a grip on his emotions. Do you think any particular article will work?
admin

May 23, 2014 at 4:02 pm

Which ones have you read?
Stacy

May 23, 2014 at 5:21 pm

Chase Theory
The definite guide to making your ex fall back in love
Using male psychology to get an ex back.
Using reverse psychology to get an ex back.
The ungettable girl
admin

May 25, 2014 at 1:57 pm

Try reading,

How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back (Version 2.0)
Stacy

May 23, 2014 at 9:09 pm

Also my ex has this theory of never going back to an ex. But he did come back to me. Is it possible that it could happen again?
admin

May 25, 2014 at 2:21 pm

Ya a lot of people have that theory.

Coincidentally, those same people also go back to an ex sometimes.

reallyNeedHelp

May 16, 2014 at 1:21 pm

My ex and I started talking again after a second period of 40 days NC.The thing is that the first time he did contact me and show interest,we met once but then he started again being relactant and saying we can’t be together..I tried for a second time to follow the plan,he didn’t contact me this time,he didn’t reply at my first text, he closed his fb profile.I tried again, he anwered once then stopped repling.I tried again,the same.The third time he asked me things by himself.For a while he talked to me,he teased me but sometimes he just stops answering.It happened to see him on the road while I was with my cousin but he didn’t say anything,I texted him and he confirmed it was him and asked me if I was with a guy.I explained,we talked a bit,then he stopped and later I noticed he opened his fb again.The next day I tried to ask him if I could call him for his name day, he accepted(to my great surprise)and so we talked.He sounded happy,he thanked me,then something happened and he ended the call because he was at work.I texted him that I was happy I heard him and he apologised for closing the phone.I thought I’ve done great so far but then on Friday it was my birthday and he never wished me, although at some point he posted on fb.On 29/4 it was his birthday and I decided to send him a text,he replied immediately,then I asked him if I coulld call him this time too to wish him happy bd and he never replied!So later at night I send him my wishes and said I’m sorry if I bother him..He hasn’t talked to me ever since and I really don’t know what to say anymore without seeming desperate.Yesterday it happened and I saw his little sister on the road while I was with my cousin.I decided to say hello,she seemed like not remembering me,I explained,she understood then I said greetings and I left.I don’t know if she told her bro..I don’t beleive he cares,he just adds more girls on fb,even friends of mine!What can I do?Is there anything I can say to start a conversation?If you can help please..!

admin

May 20, 2014 at 8:24 pm

Does he strike you as the type of guy that needs validation from women to grow confident?
reallyNeedHelp

May 21, 2014 at 5:23 pm

maybe yes.I knew him from Highschool where he seemed very confident,he was one of the ‘cool guys’,but when we started talking last summer he said he’s passed many difficulties and that he’s changed and it’s true that he didn’t sound very confident.So yesterday sth really unexpected happened:he liked one of my photos I have commended earlier, so I grabbed this opportunity and after some time I send him a DM thanking him and asking how’s things.He replied soon enough,we talked in a friendly tone(he answered immediately to my texts)and then I said I had to go. I don’t know if I did well talking to him but now what can my step 2 be?should I try sth like sending a meme or what?
P.S. I recently found sth that tells me I might have been his rebound so I’m starting feeling very anxious! plz help..
admin

May 22, 2014 at 3:42 pm

You recenetly found what that tells you it may have been a rebound?
reallyNeedHelp

May 22, 2014 at 6:32 pm

Some comments on fb that was clearly towards a girlfriend(her PROF doesn’t exist now),that stop about one and a half month before we started talking.So I’m worried..Yes he liked my photo and replied immediately but now he never sends a message First or seem very interested..What can I do now?Continue talking??
reallyNeedHelp

May 26, 2014 at 1:29 pm

can he really have lost his interest?I tried sending him a meme on friday,he replied the next day at night..And the same happened today..It’s so difficult to engage him in a convo!Should I continue talking or what?Is there anything else I can do? plz answer..
reallyNeedHelp

May 20, 2014 at 1:07 pm

can you please help?What can I do in my case..?

Maggie

May 15, 2014 at 3:04 pm

Hi Chris! My story is a very long and confusing one… So in advance, I would like to thank anyone who chooses to read my story:
My ex boyfriend and I had been together for almost 4 years and known each other for 5. He is 19 and I am 20. Two and a half years into the relationship we split cause of the arguments. After a couple weeks of being in contact, I decided to stop speaking to him cause I found out he was talking to another girl. I couldn’t handle it. We both rebounded, and 6 months later we met up and spoke about things. He said he really regretted everything, so we decided to get back together 3 months after which was amazing. Fast forward 6 months until now, he started hanging out with a new group of friends and got into smoking pot. He made me promise not to say anything to his family cause he would get in a lot of trouble. So I did not say anything to protect him, but I was protecting him in the wrong way I guess…idk
However, he began lying to me about where he was, who he was with and what he was doing. That’s what we would argue a lot about. I found out the weekend before we broke up he went to the beach with his friends, partied with girls and he got their numbers to party with them later. But when I asked he said he only went with his 3 of his friends. It hurt to find that out especially since he wasn’t ever like this before. I would never do that to him. Then 5 days later we were talking about our relationship and he said it was too late to work things out at this point. He said I was immature about love. That this relationship felt like a job cause it wasn’t fun anymore. He said We weren’t compatible cause he all of a sudden wanted to go clubbing, partying and concerts and he said I thought it was dumb. But I didn’t, I just didn’t think it should be an every weekend thing. It was so sudden cause the week before he was telling me how much he loved me.. Now it just feels like he’s been lying to me about his feelings. When we would argue is when I would mention i felt he was lying to me or up to something. Anyway, after the break up I made two mistakes after.
1) I went to his house the next day to drop off his stuff. He tried to get intimate with me and I became emotional, cause I didn’t want him to use me or play me after he broke up with me. He told me he’d never do that to me, that he’s not like that and that I’m the only girl he feels right with. So it happened. Things seemed okay until I asked him about a big party he had Friday that he bought me my entrance for and I had bought my attire and everything. He said he wasn’t sure he wanted me to go with him. I got upset, so he said he needed his space and decided to leave with his friends instead. The next day he said again that we don’t work, and that he had feelings for me but had to leave me…
Mistake 2) I went to his sister cause I felt we were close and told her what happened. She sympathized, but then I made the mistake and I let it slip that he’s been smoking. After I said it, I begged for her not to say anything. In a nutshell, his parents found out and that same night bought him drug tests in which he tested positive. Later in the day he found out I was the one who brought it up. He deleted me off of Facebook, Instagram,snapchat and as of now he hasn’t blocked me off those medias but I won’t hold my breath. I texted him and asked him regarding the money he agreed to pay me back cause I didn’t wanna nag him later. He texted me back saying “go screw yourself and don’t text me back. Don’t make me block your a**” so I only assumed he found out I told his family. It was heartbreaking. All I wrote back was “I’m not asking for anything else, it was just a simple request” and I left it at that and didn’t say anything else.
Ironically, On tuesday he called me twice and texted me saying he needed to speak with me and I knew it wasn’t going to be anything good. I told him I was busy at work and that I thought I was to never speak to him. He said he needed a favor, pretty much he wanted to leave his house and was looking for a place to stay and if he could stay with my parents and I. I asked him why doesn’t he ask his friends in which he replied he did so I assumed I was his last alternative? He said he was weighing out his options, but he was only going to the ppl he was closest to. I told him we weren’t considered close anymore and he said “I’ve been with you for 4 years, you’re the person I’m closest to.” I’m not sure to believe that, but I didn’t give him an answer as it was up to my parents. We talked on the phone a couple of times that night and I told him my parents needed to think about it but if he were to stay he would have to follow the rules my sister and I follow and he agreed. Then he said he’d call me back, but deep down I knew he wouldn’t and I was right. Its been two days and I’ve just continued the effort I had before to not contact him and let it be.
Idk if it’s too late to salvage anything, or if he’ll ever miss me or regret anything but I doubt it. It’s obvious the freedom life is what he wants, and obviously it doesn’t include me. But deep down, I want him to regret it and miss me and possibly want me back. I know it may pathetic and ridiculous, but I still want to be with him. I care about him and love him very much, but he changed so much in a two month span. Right now I’m just trying to feel better, like I’ve been working out again and hanging out with friends from time to time but this situation has been extremely hard. Besides not contacting him, what should I do? Especially if he were to contact me again (which I doubt). Did I make a mistake in answering to his call? Should I just lose all hope? He doesn’t seem to care let alone be phased… I apologize for the really long story btw, I just had to include all these details. Thanks again..!

admin

May 20, 2014 at 5:31 pm

Well, tell me this. What have you done so far from what I have recommended on this site?
Maggie

June 13, 2014 at 5:30 pm

Hey chris! Sorry, for some reason my phone wouldn’t let me submit my answer. It wasn’t until last week I got access to my laptop again.
Well I had implemented NC after he threatened to block me. Which after his parents found out he wanted to move out and in with either me or a friend, they blocked all his contacts. After we spoke to each other regarding him moving in, he did call back. But after a day after attempting to leave, I guess he realized how hard it would be. He never made it to my house, which thinking about it now it probably was for the best even though he never thanked me for trying to help. So right after, I went back to NC.
As you recommended, I joined the gym and even signed up for a great nutrition club to try to gain healthy weight and get in better shape. I started hanging out with my friends more again, we go out to the movies,shopping, bowling and we have movie nights at each others houses. I put some pictures up on Instagram cause that’s where we are most active. Even though he doesn’t “follow me” to see my pictures, he hasn’t “unfollowed” ANY of my friends yet. So he sees the occasional pics and videos my friends put up at times.
Around 3 weeks ago, even though he unfriended me on FB, he messaged me at around 12:45 AM saying: “Hey. I need to talk to you but your number is still blocked.” ten minutes later he wrote “Nvm I got home.” I read the message and didn’t reply. I only assumed he needed a favor. I just went through with NC. I have felt better since, but I still think of him and at times wish things were different. Ironically on day 31 of NC he texted me saying “hey.” Some of my friends got mad and told me i better not answer. They said: how could i even allow him to think everything he did was okay by replying to him.
After almost an hour and a half of debating whether to answer I gave in and wrote back. He asked how I was and what not. But it gets odd and confusing, and makes a bit discouraged. He wrote: “I wanted to ask you whats your POV of me? Like how do you feel about me?” I asked him why did he want to know now? And he said he was thinking he wanted to see me and he was just curious. I pretty much said if he was wondering if i hated him, I did not and that i was just disappointed in the things I had to find out. So he asked “oh so it wouldn’t be a good time to talk?” After He said he wanted to see me and offered to pick me up and everything. The next day after thinking, I agreed to meet him. But then he said he wanted me to go over his house and watch movies, in which i said no to cause as you can imagine the first thing that would come to anybody’s mind: BOOTY CALL. I didn’t tell him like that, I just told him it would feel uncomfortable. The rest of the texting went something like this:
Me: I will say no to that, cause I wouldn’t feel too comfortable.
HIM: Why? It’s me and it’s nothing new
HIM: Damn, i want you to come
ME: I know, but a lot has happened and I would feel weird. I thought we could meet at a neutral place
HIM: Hey, nah its cool. Maybe next time
ME: (feeling snide cause i thought he wanted me as a booty call) yeah, sorry for ruining your plans but I figured. It’s okay, though
HIM: Its not that. I thought you would feel uncomfortable and stuff. How about the park by my house?
ME: (After a while my mood had shifted) I thought you had suggested more to like go out and get coffee. Besides, it’s getting late and it’s been raining all day to go to the park so its okay. No biggie
HIM: Alright

I wanted to ask him to be honest as to why he actually wanted to see me but something held me back. I just left it alone and we haven’t talked since. It’s sad to think I may have just been as a hopeful booty call for him, but my friend said it may be so but not to jump to conclusions. Regardless, idk if i should try contacting him again later on or wait for him to maybe contact me again if he even does. Or if I should forget it as may have wanted to just use me and I definitely don’t want that… I’m back in NC again for now..

Ashley

May 15, 2014 at 1:58 pm

Dear Chris,

My fiance and I had a hectic conversation this past Sunday.
He said he was losing faith and trust in our long distance relationship. We have been together for a year and in long distance for almost 3 years. It is all my fault because my partying habits was just getting out of control and he started to get paranoid and not trusting me when I’m out. He said he needed 14 days break from our relationship.
I havent contact him since Sunday, its been 4 days. I already booked a ticket to fly over next weekend. I really want him back. Love him so much and i want to settle down. Please help.

admin

May 17, 2014 at 1:40 am

Was there a plan where the two of you could get closer together?

CaMoverseas

May 14, 2014 at 1:08 pm

Dear Chris, this is gonna be a long one, and one of the more rare ones i think… I am in a long distance break-up situation. We broke up 3 weeks ago over the phone, after just spending a nice easter week together. We have just been together for about a year where 8 months were long distance. We had many ups and downs after we went LD, especially on the day we had to part every time we had been together for a weekend or holiday. We have been on and off for about 10 years: 4 times together/dating over 10 (or 11 years?), with some years apart with other boyfriends/girlfriends in between and no contact in long periods of time. This time together has been the longest and most serious. We have never had a ‘normal’ relationship where we lived in the same city.. We have since we broke up 3 weeks ago, communicated one time over email where i approached him with a realization-recognition-and greatfulness email, which he replied to (friendly, modest) and I never wrote back to that cause it hurt me a bit, and i didnt know what to say..and then after 2 days he called me over skype for a friendly talk.. thats 10 days ago. Won’t get into that sesh cause it was an hr long and confusing signals.. then yesterday I was in his city for a meeting (because i’m planning on moving there for uni – it’s 3 hrs away by car) and he didnt know i was there.. so later in the afternoon i wrote him one of the texts you recommend to leave him wanting more or with a positive emotion memory: ‘hi (name) I hope you are well, just thought of you today because i went to the forest near your house- forgot how beautiful it is there! Did you know theres a sauna down by the water there? just thought that might be something for you, and its so close to your house!’ – he replied shortly after, and said ‘ funny that you are in (his area of the town). yeah i guess the sauna is close, maybe i should look into it, but usually theres a waiting list these places, but can look into it (blabla) What are you doing in?(his city name)’ and then before i got to answer he wrote again ‘ and how long are u here? And do you feel like meeting up? ‘ then after a while i replied that i’d been handing in my application for uni there, and been hanging out with my friend all day, and that i had to drive back to my city that same evening, but that we could maybe eat something together before i go?’ then he was like, ‘its a bit late now and i’m cooking dinner at home now, so we could eat here? Otherwise I can freeze it and we eat out’ and so I said ‘okay I would be able to come over now and eat, unless you feel like a City Burger 😉 (which i know he loves, and we have gone there a lot)’ then he said ‘ I actually feel like the burger, but now the dinner is almost ready here, so lets eat here!’ – so i said okay, i will leave my friends house soon, and that i’d actually rather eat his healthy food than a burger (he is very healthy and a good cook)’ so then he asked if he had time for a shower and i said sure, and then went over there… I went over there, happy to see him and he seemed happy to see me – he lit up, and I lit up, we hugged. He made dinner ready while we talked about everything we’d been doing in between.. I told him among other things that I was definitely moving to his city for uni now in 3 moths (cause i have one confirmed uni already- but not the dream one yet which was the one that i went for meeting with yesterday) he stopped what he was doing and looked at me when i said it.. he was surprised and happy about it im guessing. then we had dinner, and talked and then he lay on his bed (he is in college so we ate in his room (im 27 he’s 30 – yep we study late/many years in denmark) and i was sitting on a chair still. then he asked me to join him on the bed, which i did with a little hesitation and distance to him. He said come closer, and pulled me closer into his arms and we cuddled.. not much talking.. only little things, smalltalk-everyday stuff and feelings too. he tried to kiss me, but i didnt kiss back, and said that i felt a little weird about it.. and he was a bit careful and surprised, and i said that it confused me a bit, and that i had just been so sad and hurt, and didnt want to feel like that again.. he kept hugging me/holding me tight, his face against mine without talking, but smiling at me and looking me in the eyes.. judging i think.. he said he had missed me so much. I said i had missed him too. I also smiled and looked at him and enjoyed the cuddling.. we looked each other in the eyes for some time on and off, no talking.. he tried kissing me several times without me kissing back… after some time, i started giving in and kissing back.. and he was getting turned on. but i said no not now, and that i had to go soon (had a long drive back).. he said yeah its probably best before i rip your clothes off… we cuddled a little more and kissed some more and he tried again, and said ‘but its just that you come here and look so beautiful and ive missed you so much.. i just have to not look at you then (as a joke)’ and looked away and we laughed… and then i said i have to pee and then i have to go – I got up, and went to bathroom and then we said goodbye, kissed/hugged and said it was nice to see each other.. we didnt talk about a next time, though we both know we are both attending a private festival/garden party in 2 weeks where we stay in tents.. its friends of his that are having the party, but they are now my friends too. Yesterday when cuddling with him i also told him that i’d had second thoughts about going, cause i thought it’d be hard, but maybe now it would be easier.. i also said i had arranged to sleep with 2 friends there i their tent.
anyway. there were moments where i felt a bit too brave and said stuff that maybe i shouldnt have said.

TODAy this morning i woke up to 2 texts he had sent earlier this morning – onne about me having left my necklace there, and the next one 3 min later saying ‘ I a bit weird about seeing you yesterday, but i guess that’s just how it is when these things happen and we had to go seperate ways. What do you think? and how did you feel?’ I replied: ‘ (re my lucky necklace) i noticed i left it behind, typically me 😉 it might have been good to have it on my drive home, since it was a bit unexpected so i came home really late… (re our night:) yes it was a bit weird, but also nice 🙂 I know I was a but hesitant/resistant, but it wasnt because i didnt also want to be with you, you are not that easy to resist 😉 but i just have to protect my heart a bit and move slowly and carefully forward, if thats the way we are going..’ – he just responded: ‘ why, what happened on your trip? why did u come home so late?’ i ended up writing that we could skype if he had time.. we did, and afterwards i just wished we hadnt talked. i explained him the car accident on my way home (nothing happened to me), and then i tuned in on my feeling msg from before and asked what he thought of that, and if he was okay with it yadyada.. and kept on going about protecting my feelings and that so many things had been said and i needed some time to work thru my feelings etc. and then a little smalltalk about school and we wished eachother good luck with assignments.. no closure on the relationship front. Then just 5 mins ago i got an email from him saying: ‘ hey again, finally off from school, am gonna take a little nap now. didnt sleep so man hrs last night, and really bad sleep. had a migrane again after you left, until late and slept really bad. – got really sad again after we talked today, but i dont want to be, and luckily it went away around lunchtime again, so that was nice. Ive just connected our meetings lately with some sadness, because every time we seperate there is no clarity, which i also feel like we are- unclear /uncertain.. but maybe we will be more clear/certain with time? okay will take a nap now and sleep away my tiredness. speak soon, hugs’

SO my question is – what now???? what have i done or what should i do? hope this wasnt too long… dont know how to shorten it. we have so much history.

xx

CaMoverseas

May 14, 2014 at 1:26 pm

hey again.. maybe just forget the long first bit of history.

short version is, i had a few hrs with my LD ex last night after 3 weeks break up. i said no to sex, but we kissed, cuddled and looked eachother deep in the eyes and said goodbye.

spoke to him on skype today and later I got this email from him: hey again, finally off from school, am gonna take a little nap now. didnt sleep so many hrs last night, and really bad sleep. had a migrane again after you left, until late and slept really bad. – got really sad again after we talked today, but i dont want to be, and luckily it went away around lunchtime again, so that was nice. Ive just connected our meetings lately with some sadness, because every time we seperate there is no clarity, which i also feel like we are- unclear /uncertain.. but maybe we will be more clear/certain with time? okay will take a nap now and sleep away my tiredness. speak soon, hugs’

SO my question is – what now???? what have i done or what should i do?

xx

Rainbow

May 14, 2014 at 5:00 am

Hi Chris, thanks for all the info!

I rather have a short question. I broke up with my ex about 2-3 months ago, did the NC rule and he has a new gf now. I met him about 3 weeks ago for the first time after break up when I visited his town, but I am visiting his town again this weekend for work. Since the NC has been over, I text him sometimes and he always answers but with lonnng waiting time, like 10-11 hours… I don’t even know if he is gonna be there this weekend, but should I meet him OR no (I will stand not seeing him this time if this can make him miss me..)?

Last time when we met, I think he did not want to meet that much because he was indirectly saying he doesn’t have time, but we met anyway. So I don’t think he will be very willing to meet me this time either. Please advise if I should meet him this weekend or not. Thank you 🙂
Lily

May 14, 2014 at 1:01 am

Hi!

Great new guide. I’m done with the 30 days! My ex hasn’t contacted me (not even for my b-day). I’m thinking of stretching the NC period another month because it’s exams soon and he will be super stressed. What do you think?

admin

May 14, 2014 at 4:07 pm

I don’t think you should. Maybe a few extra days but not any further than that.

jax

May 13, 2014 at 9:00 pm

After a 4 year relationship my boyfriend dumped me out of nowhere. To this day he still says he loved what we had that he still loves me and that he misses me and us as a couple, but he started dating someone else about 6 months ago. I did 30 days no contact when he started dating but since then we have been in daily contact 99% of the time initiated by him. If I ignore him he gets upset and will try emailing me at work, text, calls or even calling my parents to check I’m ok. I love him what do I do? When he says he misses me I tell him I miss him too but never give anything else away should I tell him how I feel?

admin

May 14, 2014 at 4:04 pm

There had to be some signs that the breakup was coming?

Leslie

May 13, 2014 at 7:19 pm

Hi Chris
I love your articles. They are informative, insightful and entertaining. My husband left me taking his two step children and has cut off contact which just broke my heart. Not only my husband, but my family abandoned me. When we do contact it is to discuss divorce and I usually cry or act pitifully sad. I say stupid things like I love them or miss them. He had a previous wife who died before we married, and they never fully accepted me or committed to me because of this issue.my husband acts like he is desperately trying to dump me and get me out of his life as fast as he can. This is so devastating to me and I feel that I have made all of the classic mistakes you talk about. Ugh, I feel like such a failure. I have no idea how to connect with someone who does not want me. Yet I miss him and my stepchildren so much. I think my problems may be too complicated for your advice level,( married to a widower with step daughters) but anything you could tell me would help. Take care!

admin

May 14, 2014 at 3:59 pm

Why did he leave you though?

Was there something that caused him to leave?

Aly

May 13, 2014 at 4:29 pm

Hi Chris, so i have a small problem in that i probably messed it all up. I have gone NC for 30ish days, then tried all your message thingys and none worked, he was still giving me the silent treatment. I got mad and sent him one last message that said fine you win, i give up trying to make a friendship work, if you ever want to be friends or anything then you will have to contact me because i am done. You wanted me out of your life, so here it is. Have a great life!So uh..he responded right away..first time in almost 3 months.lol He basically said that i was blowing up his phone..sent 15 messages since the breakup. (i honestly don’t remember sending that many) Anyways so i apologized and said i wasn’t exactly myself. He then changed tactic and said that, that was why he didn’t contact me cause he wanted to give me space to get over him. First he blames me and then makes it seem like he was doing it to help me? Anyways i was in a bad mood..so i then said well it might have ruined our friendship..he kept saying it was for the best to help us become friends. Finally i just agreed and said yeah i guess it was for the best because i have now staightened up my life and have become a better, happier person, just like it has made you happy. :)Then he stopped responding.

Looking back i feel like an idiot in my responses, but i don’t regret the first message. I honestly don’t think there is any hope in us getting back together from his responses for wanting me to get over him. Should i go back to NC for awhile unless he actually contacts me? and do you think from the sound of this, that its over?

Thank you for reading this. Regardless of the outcome, your site has been an amazing help to me and so thank you for writing it 🙂
Emily

May 12, 2014 at 9:21 pm

Hi Chris,
Love this website helps so much, I would be still sobbing and stuck in a rut without your website!

My boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me suddenly a week ago.
we live about 4 hours apart and have had a long distance relationship for 2 years now – its been difficult but we always got through it.
He is in the last 2 weeks of exams for final year at Uni and has lots of family problems so super stressed. I hadn’t seen him for a month – to give him time for his mountain of work. I graduated 2 years ago and he had to resit a year of uni so I have a job etc and have essentially been waiting around for him to finish for 2 years now.
Then we had an argument and he just said that was it and he couldn’t make me happy any more etc. I went to see him in shock and desperation, he was crying about his family to me but was so cold emotionally towards me, like he really didn’t care anymore. He said he wasn’t going to change his mind and kept saying sorry. We had such a happy relationship and he honestly had given no signs of thinking about this – putting love hearts on photos of me just the day before he ended it. Anyway embarrassingly I begged him in the middle of the train station where I had gone to meet him – which obviously pushed him further away! I left and then all night he was texting to check I was ok and asking if I was still up.. I ignored him. Then the next day he sent me a huge message trying to explain why and it was just so contradictory… I need to love myself again before I can love u properly and then it would say stuff like I don’t want you to wait for me I want you to live your life for you. I stupidly replied as was in a state of shock still (and hadnt found your website) but I ended it positively with ok well I hope your exams go well and if u need to call me and cry then u can.

Then I woke up in a panic 2 days later as I was clinging to the fact it was just the stress making him not think straight so I just wanted to know if it was completely over. I talked calmly on what’s app and I said is that it full stop? He said I would hate to think of never seeing or speaking to you again (basically he doesn’t want to be with me but doesn’t want me to leave his life?). So I said ok we had a chat about how he felt like I was excited for the future and he had lost sight of it and wasn’t excited. So I told him not to text if he missed me and said if u decide this relationship is worth fighting for then contact but that’s it and then we both said bye – he called me my nickname and I told him don’t call me that.

Anyway now I have found your site I’m a woman on a mission, I’ve got a personal trainer, I’m planning things with my friends and family. There is absolutely no way I am going to contact him and I am in the mindset that he is a complete idiot for letting me go. You have made me realise I need to properly make myself the best I can if there is any chance of him or anyone for that matter wanting me again.

and TODAY! 4 Days of NC – he contacted me! today is a significant day as his dissertation of 10,000 words is it and its the end of a huge stress- he text me a picture of the completed work and :
I couldn’t have done it without you (my nickname) then a love heart after it <3.

I assumed this was a pity text and cried but ignored. Then I went on Twitter and noticed he had changed his twitter pic to a picture of me and him!!! Yesterday it was him and his friends and he specifically changed it!
Do you think he is just confused, stressed and upset about the idea of me not being in his life or do you think this is the start of the process of regretting it?

I will in no way contact him as I 100% agree with the 30 NC rule, but now hes done that I am so confused as to what it means!
He said he wasn't going to change his mind about his decision but do you think it is still possible?

Would appreciate a reply so much,

Thank you!

admin

May 13, 2014 at 4:44 pm

Right now just take a deep breath and focus on the no contact rule. Try not to think so much about him at this point. Right now this is time for YOU!
Emily

May 14, 2014 at 12:20 pm

I know I am trying and planning lots, he has contacted me again and said he is really stressed and could do with talking to me. I ignored again even though it was so hard. Do you think he is starting to regret and if I keep up the no contact he may regret it? Thanks xx

Qua

May 10, 2014 at 11:32 pm

My ex daddy is dying of cancer and he said that he is feeling overwhelmed by everything in his life. We recently meet up and I told me I understand that he is going through a lot and I am praying for him and his family. I ask if he wants me to leave him alone cause he keep pushing me anyway. he told me that does want be to leaving alone but there is just too much things going on in his life right now. He made a comment saying that I will get mad when we cannot see each other. I tells me that he loves me and thinks about me everyday. I so confused Chris please help me out.

Thank you in Advance

admin

May 12, 2014 at 6:29 pm

Are his actions backing up what he is saying about loving you?
Qua

May 13, 2014 at 12:29 am

Not really

reallyNeedHelp

May 10, 2014 at 12:19 pm

My ex and I started talking again after a second period of NC.The thing is that the first time he did contact me and show interest,we met once but then he started again being relactant and saying we can’t be together..I tried for a second time to follow the plan,he didn’t contact me this time,he didn’t reply at my first text, he closed his fb profile.I tried again, he anwered once then stopped repling.I tried again,the same.The third time he asked me things by himself.For a while he talked to me,he teased me but sometimes he just stops answering.It happened to see him on the road while I was with my cousin but he didn’t say anything,I texted him and he confirmed it was him and asked me if I was with a guy.I explained,we talked a bit,then he stopped and later I noticed he opened his fb again.The next day I tried to ask him if I could call him for his name day, he accepted(to my great surprise)and so we talked.He sounded happy,he thanked me,then something happened and he ended the call because he was at work.I texted him that I was happy I heard him and he apologised for closing the phone.I thought I’ve done great so far but then on Friday it was my birthday and he never wished me, although at some point he posted on fb.On 29/4 it was his birthday and I decided to send him a text,he replied immediately,then I asked him if I coulld call him this time too to wish him happy bd and he never replied!So later at night I send him my wishes and said I’m sorry if I bother him..He hasn’t talked to me ever since and I really don’t know what to say anymore without seeming desperate.I don’t beleive he cares,he just adds more girls on fb,even friends of mine!What can I do?Is there anything I can say to start a conversation or there is no hope? please answer..!

admin

May 12, 2014 at 6:22 pm

Whats the longest you have ever made it in NC?
reallyNeedHelp

May 13, 2014 at 1:26 pm

about 35-40 days,when he had closed his fb..now almost 20 days have passed since all that birthday mess happened and nothing happened. I really want to do something but I feel I have nothing I can say so I really would appreciate some advise/help..!
reallyNeedHelp

May 14, 2014 at 2:06 pm

about 35-40 days,when he had closed his fb.now almost 20 days have passed since all that birthday mess happened and nothing happened. I really want to do something but I feel I have nothing I can say so I really would appreciate some advise/help..!

joy

May 10, 2014 at 9:53 am

I really need your help. My boyfriend broek up with me 3 months back. I was ofcourse devstated and I did everything crazy to get him back but one day I stopped and neveer contacted him again.20 days later ,hecontacted me just. to check up on me.I gave him a cold reply! We never spoke again. I called him 2 weeks later to ask him abt a place,he answered and since thatday till now he has blocked me on one of his mobile number on whatsapp! (Thebig phone) I texted him after almost a month ad its been 15 days he hasn’t responded. What should I do now?

admin

May 12, 2014 at 6:21 pm

Have you tried texting him again?
joy

May 12, 2014 at 8:36 pm

NO!because I was a text gnat when we brokeup! I don’t want him to have that idea again! I don’t think he will reply. And I don’t know what should I write.
admin

May 13, 2014 at 4:42 pm

Eventually though you will have to talk to him.
joy

May 20, 2014 at 10:12 pm

Well he responded , it was neutral! We spoke for a lil time! Just asked how I am and I asked him too.I kept an eqqual word count. Been 4 days he dint msg again. Shall I text him ?

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