Popular posts
The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup
The Ungettable Girl
The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)
The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule
The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means
Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Blocks You
Signs My Ex Wants Me Back
Recent posts
What Happens When A Narcissist Collapses?
How Do Avoidants Sabotage A Relationship?
Dismissive Avoidants And The No Contact Rule
The Power Of Silence After Rejection
Why Are Dismissive Avoidants Cruel?
The #1 Reason A Man Suddenly Commits
How Long Does Avoidant Deactivation Last?
How To Let Go Of An Avoidant Partner
How Do Avoidants Create Distance?
What Is An Avoidants Biggest Fear?
Post categories
Maya
March 26, 2015 at 6:21 pm
So i sent him an innocent text 4h ago he still didn’t reply. Tell me from a male perspective: what would cross your mind when you see a text from me?
Including that he is probably scared to talk to me as you said and avoiding me for 6 months.
Ronnie
March 26, 2015 at 1:57 pm
Hi Chris, I was wondering if you could help me with my situation.
Me and my ex broke up two weeks ago roughly. Before the break up, we were arguing over stupid little things for a period of 4 months. We’ve been going out for 2 years nearly. And everything was perfect, until one day we argued really bad in the car, and I didn’t want the relationship anymore, so I ended it. But then regretted it straight away, and beg for him to give me another chance, and how have realised what needs to change in the relationship.
He told me stuff like “why has he taken you this to happens to figure that out”, “maybe we should go on a break, we have so much venom surrounding us”
Because i didn’t want to lose him-I text him everyday, and he called me, so we’ve been In contacted everyday since the break up. What I don’t get is, he would listen to me for hours, telling him how I would change, and he would just say no! But at the same time still tell me he loves me and cares for me.
He’s made it clear he doesn’t want it, and it makes me angry how he can’t give me one more try.
He’s always told me he hasn’t had any space, but it would still be a no if he had.
I just don’t know what to do..
admin
March 31, 2015 at 8:40 pm
Ten what he is saying about space is a lie.
Sarah
March 24, 2015 at 10:37 pm
Well my mixed signals was that he would send me texts with kissy faces and hearts and dmsay I’ve been thinking of you, always complimenting me, being there for me when I needed him, always, but he wouldn’t continuously say we would never get back together cuz I have proved to be too emotional. And I was.we have broken up 3 times and every other time there was hope. His actions showed he still cared. But the social media , posting a big social life or with guy friends wasn’t working anymore! It’s like I need a new game. I’m lost?
admin
March 31, 2015 at 7:00 pm
Has he ever asked you out on a date?
Jess
March 24, 2015 at 11:22 am
Hi Chris
I’ve been off the seen for a lil bit. Caught a nasty stomach bug…ugh.
I’ve been catching up on the podcasts and have a few interesting questions I think. Let me let you know that I am the 13 year long relationship that ended 6 months ago and I’ve recently been diagnosed w/ depression. … I’m doing better
admin
March 29, 2015 at 2:41 pm
Yeah, I’ve heard there’s a really bad bug going around that is hospitalizing people so be careful!!
Thank you for the updates! Over 20 million people in the US suffer from depression so you are not alone. Glad your doing better.
What questions did you have?
Jess
March 30, 2015 at 11:44 am
So weird. Don’t know why my whole post didn’t go thru.
Question 1 — how do you get thru the family resistance?
My parents have the philosophy of “if it’s meant to be it’s meant to be”. However my sister is very negative toward the idea of trying to get back w/ my ex. I feel like I’m going thru a divorce right now and am trying to do all I can do before saying I’m done and it’s over. But her complete shut off to the idea is making it hard.
How do you get through your own family resistance?
Question 2–I’ve been trying to decode signals from my ex but honestly am lost and confused. We will go days each of us texting. And each initiating. But then he’ll go quiet for days. What’s going on? He’ll be real friendly and ask how things are w/ me but when I do the same back he becomes questionable and distant. What’s going on?
Help me decode this please
Anonymous
March 23, 2015 at 11:13 pm
Hey Chris,
My bf and I broke up (LDR) and I did NC for about 30 days. He reached out in 3 weeks but I waited it out. When we finally talked, we eventually fought again. He asked if I was dating or hooked up with anyone. He told me he didn’t date but spent time with a girl he wasn’t interested in. He told me he has hasnt hooked up but he went to a party with friends and they all decided to crash at a friends house. When he was sleeping, some drunk girl that was flirting with him all night “grabbed” him and he stopped it. I got emotional over it and he got very angry. He said he reached out bc he still loved me and hoped that I have become more calm and that all the wishing in the world does not change the fact that I’m clearly not right for him. That I dont listen, all I do is make assumptions, and accuse him. That we are so different that we can’t even be friends.
I told him I understand everyone has their own process. But to do all that in a span of three weeks shows me that he didn’t have real feelings for me. And to expect us to be normal after a month or for me not to be hurt by that is ridiculous. I told him we need more space and if a long time from now, we still think of each other, it might be worth reaching out but definitely not now.
How long of NC this time? I was doing so well and disappointed in myself for losing control. I’m not even sure if I want him in my life anymore.
admin
March 25, 2015 at 7:57 pm
I understand your side of this completely.
I would be freaking out and upset over this too.
Try a 21 day rule.
JJ
March 23, 2015 at 11:02 pm
Hi chris! ok so im starting to get back in touch with my ex after nc, and i can tell im building attraction gradually but when texting it frustrates me so much when beats me to ending the conversation first! sometimes i am successful but when he says he has to go (ie: study, go to bed, take a nap, etc) literally right before im planning on ending the conversation its so so frustrating and sometimes discouraging because I know your methods work and I feel like every time he does that it’s a setback, like I lost the game. Not that he does it every time, but when he does its just like GAHHH! no fair! What do you think?
admin
March 25, 2015 at 7:55 pm
Haha I know its like a little mini game within the game.
I think the fact that you are continually getting his attention and getting him to talk to you is good.
Aine
March 23, 2015 at 6:30 pm
Hi Chris please i need your help
i break up with a guy last month ,we were dating but it wasnt a relationship yet, he wasnt putting in much effort yet it was long distance relationship i was the only one texting and calling and sometimes he would not reply my texts or pick my calls, after i broke up with him he text me 2 times but i didnt reply him ,after 14 days of NC ,i sent him a text and he replied me he seemed so happy, next day he text me but i travelled and forgot my phone at home, i came back at midnight and didnt want to text him back late at night, next day at a round 5pm i text him , he hasnt replied me its now 3 days, what should i do ? Please help!
admin
March 24, 2015 at 9:11 pm
What was your text message exactly?
Aine
March 25, 2015 at 7:13 am
I text him ,hello!
Aine
March 25, 2015 at 4:20 pm
Today morning he texted me ,asked how am doing and that he misses me,i text him back that am doing well ,i didnt tell him i miss him, how do i keep the conversations interesting but not needy?
admin
March 31, 2015 at 7:59 pm
End the at the high point.
He will always be interested.
Aishwarya
March 23, 2015 at 2:12 pm
hey chris…
i had been in a relationship with a guy for the past 9 months. ours was a long distance relationship. i loved him a lot, and so did he. a month ago he broke up, in a very rude way. after three weeks he asked me to call him, and then he told me that he still loved me, that he’d always be mine, but he wanted to be alone. no committments. and to make sure i moved on, he said he had been rude.
now honestly? i dont want to get back with him. he’s not contacted either. which is fine.
but memories are so hard to let go.
will i ever find someone, whom i’d love again so deeply? is it possible for people to fall in love with someone again? with just as much intensity?
and what can i do to move on? i’m trying to get myself enrolled in various recreational classes like language learning etc. Can people really move on?
sorry for the convoluted question…
P.S: You are amazing. Keep. It. Up.
admin
March 24, 2015 at 8:57 pm
Yes, hes not the only guy in the world for you if this doesn’t work out.
People can move on but luckily you are still in that stage where you still have a shot of getting him back.
molly
March 23, 2015 at 7:14 am
Okay, what if your dealing with a guy that send like he doesn’t know what he wants and distances completely .. Then comes back around and acts like he loves you.. Then a day later or so.. Distances
Again? I’m having a baby with my ex and this has been his behavior. Now he has completely written me off. This happened when i acknowledged the distancing/rejection. I still love him. But it seems like he can’t figure out whether he wants to be a dad or not. I finally let him know that the distance seems more avoidance of anything having to do with our baby. I said that I should continue making all the plans myself and just contact him when our baby has been born. He did not respond. I’ve heard nothing from him since.
admin
March 24, 2015 at 8:40 pm
Sounds like he is doing to you what you should be doing to him hahaha.
With the baby a part of this I cant help but wonder if that has something to do with it. He is still freaked out about the whole thing.
molly
March 25, 2015 at 1:13 am
It does seem that way. There is no contact between us now. Partly because although I love him..I’m done playing a guessing game, and I’m figuring out what’s best for my baby and myself now. I guess you could say I’ve gone no contact with no expectations for him to come back around. His sister has suddenly begun texting me though. I don’t know her at all
admin
March 31, 2015 at 7:05 pm
I always think that you and the baby are priority number one above all else.
anne
March 23, 2015 at 1:02 am
Hi Chris! I’m not feeling good as i read somewhere in ur previous articles, instead of being a text gnat to my ex, i can come here.
I’m doing NC on my ex fiance for 5 days now and accidentally bump to his New facebook account and saw he added one new girl on his list and the only friend in his list which from my past experience normally the girl must be someone special as that was the case when he started dating with me. Different is, he broke up with his abusive ex (before me) and now he broke up with me, his ex fiance and it is not even fully offical between our family.
He said to the mom that i wanted the break up however it was him who asked for it.
So here is our story.
We had a silly fight in December which lead him to do NC on me for 3 weeks before sending me an email telling me that he wants to call off the engagement. The whole 3 weeks i behaved like a monster sending him rude painful msgs. After receiving the email i became a text gnat for the night and immediately started NC for 35 days.
During these 35 days i managed to restrain myself from stalking his fb or anything related to him. He sent me email twice,waited for me around my house area once and a text asking for a meetup during this NC period.
After 35 days of Nc i finally agreed for a meetup. During this meet up hee looked very sad and depressed, he asked why i wasnt there for him which obviously i did but maybe it wasnt enough for him he told me that the reason he wants to break up with me is because he is having depression and his feeling has faded for me, he also said that if we were to be together my happiness and our future children’s happiness will be his priority excluding himself, he said that he wont confide with me if we chose to stay together which later he shared with me his problem and his future plans (works and friends, his disappointment with things that he couldn’t achieve). He said repeatedly his feeling has faded and try to relive the sparks by visiting our usual hangout place but the failed to reignite the feelings. He sobbed badly when he asked me to keep the engagement ring as a sign he used to love him and to remember him. when asked whether he already has someone else, he answered he is not going out with anyone. He somehow mentioned bout his abusive ex on how he gave her things and wasnt happy. He told me that he is seeing a counsellor and i think somewhere he used the “its not you its me” line and how he doesn’t see me in his future.
As hard as it is, i agreed to e break up and he walked away.
Few days later, he emailed me saying he has moved on, burying himself in his workload to avoid the stress and just to check whether i’ve accepted the reality. He said he might consider meeting me to return the gifts, he asked me to restrain from contact him via whatsapp and told me to text or call when necessary. He said that he wants a clean break up whatever that mean.
Should i give up on him already? Has he moved on with the new girl? How can one move on so quickly? I’ve been with him for 2 and half years and he is in his late 20s.
admin
March 24, 2015 at 8:32 pm
Hmm.. I would actually move on without moving on if that makes any sense.
Sometimes you will find once you move on it draws your ex boyfriend to you.
Becca
March 22, 2015 at 11:11 pm
Thank you, Chris. This was so relatable, perfect info to help me out on my situation.! He talks to me as if nothing is wrong and asks me out on dates. At the same time, I’m being told he’s talking to and taking pictures with another girl. The other day he told me he’s trying to “find himself” but he wants me when he’s done finding himself. Umm..what?
admin
March 24, 2015 at 8:16 pm
Sounds a lot like my buddy I mentioned in this article haha.
He had the same mentality as your guy.
Becca
March 31, 2015 at 7:08 pm
Lol yeah I noticed! It’s kind of selfish for a guy to do that, don’t you think? He even stopped contacting me over a week ago. Just like Kakistos, he made plans with me twice and never went through. I’m not 100% sure but I have a feeling he blocked me, which I don’t understand because the last time we spoke everything was good, even a little flirty. I still love him but honestly don’t know what to do or if I should go NC? Any thoughts? Thanks.
Lara
March 22, 2015 at 8:29 pm
He sent a message saying I love 4 month after he broke up with me… I didn´t answer (I knew he was dating someone else). 3 weeks later he sent me a picture via snapchat, showing some empty vodka bottles (he never drunk alcohol in front of me). After that he continued sending me different kind of things via snapchat… I never answer but at some point I got mad (he was driving me crazy) and one day a sent him about 100 pictures, in order to annoy him-via snapchat too- and from that day he stop sending me snapchats. I really wanted him back but I couldn´t stand his mixed signals. I don´t know if I did right or wrong… Maybe I lost him forever but If he wanted me back he should have been frontal. He acted more girlish than me.
admin
March 24, 2015 at 8:08 pm
Ya… not a fan of that 100 pictures thing.
I hesitate to say you lost him forever but I don’t think you helped your case there.
How bad do you want him back?
Lara
April 1, 2015 at 2:38 am
Thanks Chris for your answer! I want him back! Do you think I still have a chance? what can I do?
admin
April 2, 2015 at 11:30 pm
I think you do have a chance.
What can you do?
I would devour this site. There is a lot of articles that can guide you.
Dimple
March 22, 2015 at 7:52 pm
Yes I did 30 days Nc. I followed all your instruction. Send him memory text. after that we hang out lot. Out of a blue moon he told me he disn’t want to see me. He’s pushing me away. He said he wants to be alone and no more woman in his life. It’s may be he has bad breakup with all those his ex girlfriends. And he think I am also like other who will hurt him.
admin
March 24, 2015 at 8:05 pm
You hung out a lot…
What did you do when you were together exactly?
Dimple
March 29, 2015 at 8:19 pm
We watched Netflix cuddling Together. whenever I asked him to go out eat. He make excuses and ended with watching Netflix.
admin
March 31, 2015 at 10:14 pm
Well, netflix is pretty awesome though you have to admit 🙂
hydrangea
March 22, 2015 at 5:32 pm
Hi Chris! All your articles have been a great insights for us and beneficial too. I couldn’t help it but to say, i feel the sincerity from you in helping people that are going through their hardest time like me. You made it so light that people could actually smile or laugh a bit just from reading your articles. yeah. Just dropping by to say that. Keep on doing what you do best.
admin
March 22, 2015 at 5:59 pm
Thank you so much for saying that!
That means a lot to me.
S
March 22, 2015 at 12:18 pm
My ex says he does love me, but just not the way I want him to. He doesn’t want to recommit and he has a new girlfriend now. But he admits he misses being with me. When I asked him if he’ll marry me if he does love me, he said maybe, in 6-7 years. But he can’t be sure.
What does he mean by that?
admin
March 22, 2015 at 5:51 pm
I think approaching him about marriage at this stage is a mistake only in the fact that it will scare him off more.
Ayesha
March 22, 2015 at 11:12 am
Oh well Kakistos, I think that comes from Buffy The Vampire Slayer. I know from ur previous article where u gave the buffy phenomenon that u r a huge fan of this TV series. Well that explains why u use Kakistos the oldest and powerful vampire’s reference. 🙂 🙂 🙂
admin
March 22, 2015 at 5:46 pm
Haha you are right about that!
Someone did get the book already though.
S
March 22, 2015 at 7:41 am
We all here in EBR nation know that you’re a Buffy fan, Chris. Hence, Kakistos? 😛
admin
March 22, 2015 at 5:42 pm
Righto!
(I know Buffy is a girly thing and my wife always gives me a hard time about it but I can’t help my love for that goofy show!)
Someone already got the book but keep reading I am bound to do another refrence thing and youll know the answer most likely 😉
Sarah
March 22, 2015 at 4:59 am
I know this website is dedicated to ex boyfriends, my situation is to do with my close friend, we both were coming out of relationships, and we were spending a lot of time together & ended up sleeping together, I told him that I liked him and he responded as “I liked you but didn’t think u liked me, but I think we are better off as friends”.. Do u think a no contact could apply in this situation?
admin
March 22, 2015 at 5:37 pm
maybe a small mini NC.
14 days would work.
Amberly
March 22, 2015 at 12:29 am
wow okay, Chris you’re awesome . so this definitely should help me out . my X contacted me a few days ago and it’s been a month since he broke up with me and i gave him the NC . he said i still love you and i miss you . i guess my mistake is that i replied with the same thing , but the way ive been replying to him is in this guarded way . so i dunno if that works but im definitely not going to do it again .
by the way, do you happen to have any other way for people to contact you in case some cant use the voicemail thing–which is a very cool idea . i’d really like some advice and i cant talk to anyone else about it , but you seem to understand everything . Thanks so much :]
admin
March 22, 2015 at 5:35 pm
Commenting is really the best way.
You can visit my speakpipe page if you want to use the voicemail thing.
Kelsey
March 21, 2015 at 9:41 pm
I just had to drop by to say that we have the same birthday! I’ve never met anyone with the same birthday so that’s really exciting!
admin
March 22, 2015 at 5:33 pm
May 10th?
I have never met anyone with the same birthday either!!!!
Kelsey
March 22, 2015 at 11:36 pm
Yeah May 10th we even get to share it Mother’s day this year! Very exciting to finally know about someone I share a birthday with!
admin
March 24, 2015 at 8:21 pm
Are you serious?
Every year we get screwed over by mothers day.
Hahahaha.