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April M.
March 8, 2016 at 6:29 pm
Hello! My boyfriend recently broke up with me because he said that I can’t emotionally connect with him and that emotional connection is important to him. He said that he sees and wants a future with me, but he doesn’t think that I do with him and I that i make him feel as if everything is just temporary. He said that he’s confused and isn’t sure if we should continue being in a relationship or not. He said he needed time, so i’ve been giving him his time, but because he’s so confused he would still text me all the time and ask me when he gets to see me next. He even got upset with me saying that I’m not showing him that i’m committed in this whole thing enough and that I don’t seem very invested in the whole situation, but how exactly am i supposed to do that when he tells me he needs time and space? I told him that he’s starting to make me confused from him going back and forth with me all the time so I suggested that we both not stay in contact with each other until he’s able to figure his own feelings out. I know that it’s not something that I can help him with, he needs to figure it out on his own. I’m just not sure what I’m supposed to do next from here…
April M.
March 13, 2016 at 12:59 am
Thank you for the response Amor. I’ve been working on myself and trying to get myself back together. It’s hard, but I know that I need to do it. It’s nice to know that there are kind people, strangers even, who put in their time and effort in order to help others that they don’t even personally know. Thank you so much for that! I really do appreciate it.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 13, 2016 at 7:41 am
You’re welcome.. I hope the best for you and we’re happy helping out
April M.
March 11, 2016 at 5:30 pm
When I reach out to him, what exactly am I supposed to say? I don’t want to come off as being invasive and like I’m rushing him while he’s taking this time to sort things out and think. I want him to know and feel that I’m still respectful of his time and space
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 12, 2016 at 12:05 pm
hmmm don’t talk about feelings right ahead or how the relationship is.. he has to get comfortabl with you again first.. actually it’s better if you only talk about when the attraction is back… so start with intiating texts first..talk about his interests
but right now be active on yourself..use this time for yourself..don’t spend it by worrying about him..
April M.
March 11, 2016 at 3:58 am
Then if he doesn’t respond after the 21 days, do I reach out to him first?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 11, 2016 at 11:07 am
Yes, and if he doesn’t reply..wait for another week before trying again..if he doesn’t reply to that again.. either you decide to do a two week wait or move on…
April M.
March 10, 2016 at 11:54 pm
So even if he contacts me, don’t get back to him until after the 21 days?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 11, 2016 at 1:28 am
yes’ that’s right.
April M.
March 10, 2016 at 2:10 am
I told him that me being around wasn’t resolving any of his confusion and if anything it was probably making it worse. I told him that I think he wants me around because he’s trying to find an answer through me and he’s not able to, that’s why he’s blaming me saying that I don’t seem invested in trying to make things work. He said that he doesn’t want me to be right, but he thinks I am and he agreed to being in no contact until he figures himself out. He didn’t want to at first, because he said it was going to be really hard for him, but I told him that this was probably for the best and that if one way wasn’t working we need to try something different or we’re just going to keep going around in circles. It’s been 3 days since we haven’t talked and I know I’m supposed to implement the no contact rule for at least 30 days, but since I’m waiting on him to figure things out and we’re not supposed to talk until he does, if he reaches out to me sooner than the 30 days, am I supposed to respond back to him? Or am I supposed to keep going with no contact?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 10, 2016 at 11:14 pm
For me just do 21 days first, whether or not he contact you during in it
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 9, 2016 at 5:11 pm
Hi April M,
That’s good, what did he say when you said you two should be in no contact for now?
Samantha
March 8, 2016 at 3:32 pm
Me and boyfriend broke up today, and it ended on a relatively positive note. He decided that he wanted to break up because he wasn’t ready for a serious relationship (we had been dating for 5 months), however I feel like we had already been getting serious, and that might have scared him a little bit. He said that he is focusing on improving himself as a person, and he doesn’t really want any distractions apart from him getting his life back on track. He also said that he thinks that I don’t seem to be completely comfortable around him, which is something that he really values in a relationship, which is why he couldn’t see it working out. Now, I may not have been to the point where I could open up completely, but I have had many past experiences that have left me guarded. I never acted fake, or tried to be something I know that I’m not, I simply just didn’t completely open up to him. Although, I do feel like I was in the process of really starting to trust him, and I opened up way more than I ever expected to. I feel this closeness with him, and I feel like it’s worth trying to save the relationship. When he told me all of this today, of course I was upset, but I had told him that maybe he was right, and that I respect his decision. That he should take some time to figure himself out, and figure out what he wants. That all I really want is for him to be happy. I told him that I hope that I’m still around when he figures out what he wants, but that I want someone who is certain about me. We left on a good note, but I can’t shake the feeling that I just made the biggest mistake of my life by letting the greatest person I’ve ever met walk away. Our relationship was amazing we never fought, we spent a lot of time together (we work together), and we always had a good time, and not to mention we had great chemistry in the bedroom too. For me it was perfect, or I guess this is what the honeymoon phase is. Regardless, I’ve learned a lot about him, and myself throughout the relationship, and long story short I can see myself spending the rest of my life with this man. I’ve grown in many ways, and he’s made me very happy over the last few months. I want the chance to make him feel that same happiness. I know he said that he’s focused on improving himself and growing as a person, and I respect that, but at the same time I don’t know why we can’t grow and improve together. I was, and still am, in the process of falling in love with him, and I just can’t see myself just giving up. I haven’t blown up his phone or tried to beg him to not leave (personally, I just don’t want to be that type of person, and I don’t find that behavior attractive). I haven’t even contacted him since this all happened. All I really want is for him to give me another chance, because I know that this can turn out to be something great if we can just get through this.
Jane
March 8, 2016 at 12:36 pm
Hi,
My ex broke up with me two days ago saying he still loves me and I’m one of his best friend but he doesn’t see a future with us as he thinks we are socially incompatible (because of issues with my confidence at times) the same thing happened back in August and we worked things through and thing we going great, even the day before the break up he was asking me if I would move to a different country with him if he was ever to move. The morning after I was still at his and he got into bed and was trying to hug me so I asked him what he was doing, he then got up said he was going to work and kissed me on the head. After he left I packed all my things I kept at his and left, I haven’t been in contact with him since, I thought he would have called or messaged me but he hasn’t. I jus don’t know what to do as its so confusing that he still says he loves me.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 9, 2016 at 10:44 am
Hi Jane,
let’s observe for a week first if he doesn’t contact after that, continue thr count and do no contact
Samantha
March 8, 2016 at 3:50 am
Me and boyfriend broke up today, and it ended on a relatively positive note. He decided that he wanted to break up because he wasn’t ready for a serious relationship (we had been dating for 5 months), however I feel like we had already been getting serious, and that might have scared him a little bit. He said that he is focusing on improving himself as a person, and he doesn’t really want any distractions apart from him getting his life back on track. He also said that he thinks that I don’t seem to be completely comfortable around him, which is something that he really values in a relationship, which is why he couldn’t see it working out. Now, I may not have been to the point where I could open up completely, but I have had many past experiences that have left me guarded. I never acted fake, or tried to be something I know that I’m not, I simply just didn’t completely open up to him. Although, I do feel like I was in the process of really starting to trust him, and I opened up way more than I ever expected to. I feel this closeness with him, and I feel like it’s worth trying to save the relationship. When he told me all of this today, of course I was upset, but I had told him that maybe he was right, and that I respect his decision. That he should take some time to figure himself out, and figure out what he wants. That all I really want is for him to be happy. I told him that I hope that I’m still around when he figures out what he wants, but that I want someone who is certain about me. We left on a good note, but I can’t shake the feeling that I just made the biggest mistake of my life by letting the greatest person I’ve ever met walk away. Our relationship was amazing we never fought, we spent a lot of time together (we work together), and we always had a good time, and not to mention we had great chemistry in the bedroom too. For me it was perfect, or I guess this is what the honeymoon phase is. Regardless, I’ve learned a lot about him, and myself throughout the relationship, and long story short I can see myself spending the rest of my life with this man. I’ve grown in many ways, and he’s made me very happy over the last few months. I want the chance to make him feel that same happiness. I know he said that he’s focused on improving himself and growing as a person, and I respect that, but at the same time I don’t know why we can’t grow and improve together. I was, and still am, in the process of falling in love with him, and I just can’t see myself just giving up. I haven’t blown up his phone or tried to beg him to not leave (personally, I just don’t want to be that type of person, and I don’t find that behavior attractive). I haven’t even contacted him since this all happened. All I really want is for him to give me another chance, because I know that this can turn out to be something great if we can just get through this.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 9, 2016 at 10:31 am
Hi Samantha,
when you said you’re just in the process of falling in love, do you mean when the relationshio started you weren’t? If you’re coworkers there’s a good chance if you can rebuild rapport with him later on
Momo
March 8, 2016 at 1:56 am
Hello. So I dated this guy for 5 months but we broke it off last week because it was basically my fault. I was too needy and wanted to see him all the time when he had his specific reason why he couldn’t (work and homework) that day. I was mad at him and he sensed it and talked to me on the phone to ask me what’s wrong. However, the way he was talking on the phone made it seem like he was getting ‘tired’ of the way I was acting. It made me more mad that he wasn’t trying to understand my situation and all the stresses I was dealing at that time. Later on, he told me that he felt like he was only in this relationship. Which got me mad and I broke it off. To my surprised, he agreed to which woke me up. We didn’t talk for three days and I end up texting him again because I knew I messed up big time since he was a great guy overall but it was my needy side that wanted more from him. I asked him for a second chance but he says he doesn’t see a future with me. So that just broke my heart. I’m moving on now because I don’t want to act like this clingy girl and I seriously regretted for acting that way that day. I was wondering if there’s any other way I can get him back or should I just give up? So far I haven’t talk to him over a week.
Momo
March 8, 2016 at 2:03 am
** More Info
He never did anything bad. He treated me good. He took me out. He rather spends his time with me than his friends.
I only realized all of this after we broke it off which sucks. I had too much expectations for him to shape him into this perfect guy so I wouldn’t get hurt but that end up making me lose a good guy. I feel like I was the one in the relationship that did him wrong.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 8, 2016 at 6:19 pm
HI Momo,
If he just got tired.. then giving space for some time will help to miss you and to have a kind of reset…
Dianna
March 8, 2016 at 1:18 am
So I’m 18 and still in high school, I’m a senior and graduate in May. I was in a very perfect relationship for about a year and then all of a sudden he breaks up with me through a text and won’t explain anything to me AT ALL. It’s been 2 weeks and he seems so casual and fine.. What do I do
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 9, 2016 at 10:25 am
Hi Dianna,
If he’s not talking to you, have ou implemented no contact?
Sonya
March 7, 2016 at 3:12 pm
My boyfriend and I have been together for 2-3 years. He’s a great guy, he really is. He respects me as in we aren’t sexual (he wants me to finish school but sometimes maybe every three months it would happen). He always puts me first but that’s about it. When we first started dating he was making all sorts of promises to me which made me fall in love with him more, he wanted change. However, the more I get to know him the more I realize I don’t know him? Does that make sense? I felt like he stopped trying and he’s content at where we’re at. He has no motivation. And that we aren’t growing anymore. We’re always fighting about small things. His patience with me has gotten lower. So we got in an argument and I pretty mush just spilled it all out, his promises and he’s done.
1. When we first started dating he promised he would stop smoking and he barely does now.
2. He wanted to start going to church which he only continued for two months and said honestly I don’t see a point to it.
3. I found out maybe three months ago that he’s been telling his aunt and mom that he’s been going to school and he hasn’t been and that he’s graduating on June, his birthday. It bothers me because I’ve told him you haven’t even enrolled yourself and you’re asking me to lie to them and what happens if they find out you haven’t been going to school?
4. I have been asking him since last year to get his passport because this year, 2016, I want to travel. And I plan on traveling by June, again that’s in three months. Every time I would ask him about it he gets mad and he’s said he’s filled out the application but hasn’t even made the appointment (need to make an appointment if you lost your passport, and he did). So I said how am I going to make plans with you when I can’t even make plans with you three months down the road (it’s mean, I know),
5. Which brings me to this one. I come from a good family. My parents owns two business and I work in one of the company and go to school. Because of that my parents incorporated this sort of business and planning ahead attitude in me. I always ask him so what’s your plan because all he does is work and I want him to have a career not just a job (background: he worked at our restaurant as a bartender and that’s why I said 2-3 years because he pursued me for a year). I’ve told him whether yo end up with me or not I want you to have something for yourself. It would hurt me to see you just working as a bartender you whole life. The thing is everytime I would talk about what his plans are or what he wants to do because I’ll support him he gets mad. He would say things like I can tell you for sure I won’t be broke or if you’re so worried I won’t get anywhere then let me know. So I just drop it and don’t talk about it.
6. He doesn’t want to do anything with my family. He says the only one he will show respect to is my mom. But my sisters, I have 3 older ones and we’re all close, they accept him but they wouldn’t want someone better for me he doesn’t want to hang out with them. He says if they’re at the same place he’ll tolerate them and talk to them but he won’t go out of his way to hang out with them. Which hurts my feelings and I’ve expressed it to him that it hurts and I wish he wouldn’t say that because I feel like I have to choose between them who to hang out or spend time with.
7. And lastly the other problem is it all started to his mom just came from the Philippines last year and I he’s been on and off with jobs because he drops his mom off everywhere for school and work. The start of our relationship he was paying for everything but because he was on and off jobs I told him I’ll pay for myself. Two years down the road I been paying for all of our expenses. I’m paying for everytime we would eat out (almost every day from $25-50), I’ve been paying for his gym membership and what his past dues ($180 and $35 a month), his clothes, I bought his bed frame, and pretty much everything. The only thing he is responsible for is to make sure on Christmas, my birthday, and Valentine’s Day that at least that’s on time because he only spends money on me three times a year and even our dates would be a week late and presents two weeks late. Ex: for my birthday (November 2nd) he didn’t have his present for me and it’ll come in a week but we got in a fight for two weeks after that and didn’t talk. So four weeks later we’re talking and its two weeks before Christmas it’s my birthday present and he considers it my Christmas present. For my birthday, Christmas and Valentine’s Day after dinner his plans for us was to gamble( I live in Las Vegas).
8. And last he promised to start taking me to show at least once a month. It’s been four months and not one show.
And then after saying all that to him I said let me know what do you? Because all that is what’s standing in our from continuing this relationship. I’ll support you but you have to tell me what I’m supporting and what you want.
Am I wrong for breaking up with him? Am I asking for too much or did I make the right choice? It just keeps replaying in my head that I maybe was expecting too much and it hurts.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 8, 2016 at 2:45 pm
Hi Sonya,
He’s a talker, not a doer… and you held on to his promises.. You made the right decision of breaking up with him.. If he wants to get back with he has to prove it now… don’t believe with his words only..
Michelle
March 7, 2016 at 12:58 am
Hello
I have been married for over 20 years. My husband is a lot older than me but that was never a problem as he loved having his “trophy wife”
four years ago, my brother passed away in a terrible way and I basically had a breakdown. My husband did not cope well with me being so depressed and unhappy. We then stopped having sex and I basically didn’t give him much attention. I then found out my husband had started an affair with a girl who had been his assistant 20 years earlier. I found out about the affair from the woman involved and also found evidence on our bank statements etc.
I confronted my husband and he told me he was having an affair but she meant nothing to him and he loved me and just wanted attention. I actually believe he wanted me to find out about the affair so I would force his hand and become “me” again.
I couldn’t live with this infidelity and asked him to move out of our family home. He then continued to see this woman. After about 6 months he asked me if I would take him back – which I couldn’t .. as the trust had gone .. He told me he didn’t love this woman but she had put a roof over his head and brought him things !!
We have now been apart for about 3 years and I have doing a lot of work on me !! I have been seeing a therapist and doing a lot of work on understanding where things went wrong.
I am now in a place I can forgive my husband and try to work things out …. I have always had contact with my husband thru these three years .. we have often had sex and he still looks out for me by paying for my home etc.
Since our separation, my husband has had a child with this woman. This woman has since confessed via facebook that he is not the father, that she used sperm donors and ivf to conceive this child to trap him into staying.
I love my husband and that has never stopped. I have spent time with him and his child … and I see him regularly but when I asked him if we could try again – he says he just wants to be friends.
I do not know what to do ??
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 8, 2016 at 12:38 pm
Hi Michelle,
but you’re not divorced yet? If he really just wants to be friends, the sex should stop.. He ‘s getting the best of world because he knows how crazy you two ladies are with him…
Dawn
March 6, 2016 at 7:18 pm
I walked away from a guy I’ve been ‘seeing’ for 2 1/2 months. He said he wasn’t sure he was ready for anything serious just yet but wanted to get to know me and see where things go. I got really insecure and impatient with the pace even though he texted me daily, several times a day and we hung out 1-4 times a week. I also put pressure on him to move things along faster. I ended up telling him I had to say good bye as I wanted someone that knew they wanted to date me. However, I now think I was hasty and maybe 2 1/2 months of knowing someone isn’t enough time for some people to become serious about someone. I am regretting my decision but know that if I contact him, he’ll have all the power again. I’m trying to trust that I’ll hear from him if he does value what we had but it’s been 8 days and not a peep from him. I also have not contacted him. Does it sometimes take longer than a week for a guy to miss a girl or realize what he lost? If he does, will he contact me?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 8, 2016 at 10:57 am
Hi Dawn,
sometimes ues, especially if you indicated you don’t want to talk to him yet if he’s not that serious.. let’s wait.. if it goes for two of no text from him..contnue not cintacting him until 21 days or 30 days, so, even if you initiate it won’t be that awkward anymkre
Afnan
March 6, 2016 at 1:20 pm
Hello,
My name is Afnan and i am from India. I am in 11 standard. I am 16. I really need your help.
My story started when i was in class seven , i met a guy who was five years bigger thanme in a engagment function ofmy cousin sister. We started seeing each other and as i was about to leave he asked my phone number. We started texting which continued by phone calls. After somedays i felt really comfortable with his nature. And within that moment i felt he is the one, so i confessed my feelings and he too revealed that he too had strong feelings for me. Time past.. And we both fall in love with each. He was a good person. But after six months later i felt that the spark that took place in the first stage was fading and i got scared thinking that he will break my heart so i stopped contacting him to see if it affects him. But there was no respond. Days after days. Weeks, just no reply. Then after one year later i started missing him very much and then i realized how much he means in my life. so i tried to contact him. But his reaction was cold. He was like you broke up. You left me. i tried and tried but he didn’t understood my feelings. Infact till now i am madly in love with that person and i still feel he too has feelings for me yet he doesn’t say anything. He even blocked me in all social networks like Whatsapp and Facebook. Please help me. I can’t concentrate on anything. I feel nothing left for me to be actually happy. He was a bit financial weak and i am only the single daughter so is that the reason he is scared to be with me or what? Please reply.
Thank You. ^_^
Afnan
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 7, 2016 at 1:04 pm
Hi Afnan,
I remember you! Now, I understand your story more clearly.. I think he is distant because you suddenly stopped talking to him.. when were you blocked? how long has it been since you last talked?
Krishu
March 6, 2016 at 12:25 pm
I was in a relationship for 11 months …everything was f9 ….but i commmitted sum mistakes unknowingly…..i wrote my ex name in my hand nd posted it …that tym he doesnt say anyyhing n forgived me….then last year ….i hug a boy eho was my frnd ….in hug day …n told him ….he doesnt say anything….nd then my relative of my age tried to get cloz to me n i told him i was slightly attracted 2 him….then after everything was goin right suddenly he say he want breakup….i agreed as i want 2 see him happy…nd he told me the reason that he cant study well bcoz of me…but next day i got 2 know that he thinks that i am not loyal to him as i hug that n telling him confidently…..i tried for 3 months continuously to get him bavk but he dont….then i read ur articles …i decided to live my life fully..now he looks at me wen i was chilling wid my frnds ….i m not in his frnd list so i tag sum mutual frnds so that he can see my pics…now he is using tactics like sending his frmd to me for saying he like sum1 else….nd i wayched him laughing lookin at me…..but i behaved like m not jealous …i tried to contact him but he blok me again what should i do….my bday is coming in 6 days …nd i want him to wish me wat shoud i do….i luv him
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 7, 2016 at 12:59 pm
Hi Krishnu,
If he blocked you that means you have to keep your distance but also if he acted to make jealous it’s either he knows you still like him or he wants you still but because he blocked you, we’re not sure of that.
Sophia
March 5, 2016 at 2:54 pm
So my boyfriend and I dated for over 3 years. The transition to college life was extremely hard for both of us and we were driving each other insane being apart. When we talk in person or over FaceTime we’re completely okay, just like old times but last week we mutually agreed to break up but he said we still had to remain friends and he said the only way he would agree to break up is if I give him another chance at some point in the future so he can “court me again” and make me happy again and he can prove that things can work because we’ve been through so much. While this obviously made me feel nice, he’s still texting me everyday and he tells me he loves and misses me but I don’t say it back. I actually don’t even want to text because it makes me insane and in trying to keep my cool! He knows I freak out usually over these things but he said he was even shocked at how mature I was handling tis breakup. I do want him back ): I really do. I’m at a loss. Do I do the no contact rule? He gets wicked pissed off if I ignore him
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 6, 2016 at 5:57 am
Hi Sophia,
why did you agree to breakup?
Xang
March 5, 2016 at 8:19 am
I met my ex through work, and after working together for 2 months we decided to date ( which btw, we don’t work at the same place anymore) We’ve been dating for roughly 8 months. We don’t have much time to spend because we both work long hours and only one day off. Long story short, we fought a couple of times like any other couples do. Up until recently about a month or so I felt that he was a little distant. 2 weeks ago on our day off, we had plan on spending the entire day together and then he got this phone call from his co-worker (femal) she called and was asking him what was he doing? If he was coming in to work knowing it’s his day off, And who’s with him? And his answer was “I gotta go” all this is happening while I was in the car with him. I was really confused and at this point I had a millions things running through my mind, but still kept it cool and didn’t say anything. i couldn’t make any sense out of it so, I have texted to meet up the next day so we can talk. So we did, we met up at a restaurant, and I asked him about the phone call, and I also asked him this: what am I to him and he reply… I’m a good friend. So I repeated and said that’s it? And he said yes…so then I asked ” we’re we ever on to begin with?” And he said yes but because we fight so much he just wanted to see if things will get better. So I asked if he want it to be together and he said no! I got up and walked away. I was committed to follow the NO CONTACT and I did for a week then he text me and said he was really sick, and I found out he was really sick so I droped off done meds and dinner on his front door and left it there and texted him to get it. He texted me back saying he would have liked to see me and I’m so lost and confused. Don’t get me wrong if you ask me if I wanted to get him back, my answer would be yes but at this point I’m hurt and confused. I need help.. Thank you
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 5, 2016 at 10:51 am
Hi Xang,
I think no contact seemed to work.. I understand that you can’t just ignore him..and it’s good you showed you care and you didn’t come in! But I think yoi have to restart count..but I think what you did can help him realize he shouldn’t have done that to you
Bex
March 4, 2016 at 2:20 pm
Hi so 6 months ago I started seeing this guy, we were exclusive but without the title because he said he had commitment issues and wasn’t ready to officially put a title on us. However 5 days ago he called it off. His first reason was that things hadn’t been going well, we had been arguing a lot recently and he seemed to always upset me (I had been having a tough few weeks and started to take things out on him). When I said to him, that he knew the reason why that was and that things were normally great, it had just been those last few weeks, he then gave me another reason, this being that he knew I wanted him to commit fully and that I had been pushing him to progress to the title stage but that he didn’t know when he was going to be able to do so, therefore he didn’t want to hurt me or lead me on. So obviously, I was a little confused about what the actual reason was. First it started of that he just needed some space, but then when I said to him ‘so your ending it’ he was like ‘yea, sorry’. I made a mistake the next day and messaged him asking when he was coming for his stuff and he said he would let me know. I haven’t spoke to him since, I’m trying the no contact rule and giving him a bit of space. Basically I was just wondering have I ruined my chances or could this be resolved?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 5, 2016 at 7:55 am
let’s say no contact works for him to miss you, and then he wants you back, but what if he says he still can’t commit?
Ella
March 4, 2016 at 2:44 am
Hello, I am in the beginning of a no contact period with a guy I was seeing for a few months (10 days). He and I were never exclusive, which was ultimately the problem. He said he wasnt ready for a committment, and I was. He clearly cared about me and wanted to keep me in his life, but we had trouble being ‘just friends’ (don’t really interact in that way) and eventually I made it clear that we needed to go our separate ways if he wasn’t going to commit. Anyways, since I made that clear (and sent a few short messages to him that same night, regrettably), we havent talked. He has liked two of my instagram photos, and has watched my snapchats. However, he is extremely active on social media, so I am not sure either of these things mean anything. Then two days ago, he sent me a message on gchat (in response to something what I had said to him a week prior, which he had already seen). All he said was “its ok, I understand.” But it was out of nowhere! I can’t tell if this was him missing me or if he was just trying to be nice…and I am wondering if I should expect to hear from him again. As I said, I’ve held strong and am still in my no contact. But it really took me by surprise.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 4, 2016 at 7:28 am
Hi Ella,
yes, he might be missing you.. just continue with no contacr..be firm on not replying
Chelsea
March 3, 2016 at 10:12 pm
My boyfriend broke up with me 3 days ago after a drunken fight. It was not the first one we had. A lot of things were said, some I don’t remember. He said a bunch of things he didn’t like about me, stuff he hadn’t ever mentioned before when I could easily fix it. He said I was taking time away from him hanging with his friends and that I guilted him. I was bad about that but he never really mentioned it before the breakup. That is obviously an easy fix. I have no problem giving him space and letting him hang out with his boys. He also said he doesn’t wanna text all day. Again I have no problem reducing the texting. I don’t even do it that much to begin with. I never expect him to text back right away and don’t text him multiple times asking why he’s not texting. I know I can be a bit of a burden and a bit of a guilt tripper especially when it comes to spending time together, but still that just needs to be resolved with communication. We were only together nearly 6 months, but I was his longest relationship due to him moving around a lot since he was a military kid. I think since I was his longest maybe he didn’t know how to handle it. Anyway, also during the drunk breakup he said he needs to work on himself and be happy. He brought up the Alzeimer’s and dementia i his family and how his memory is starting to get really really bad. He mentioned he doesn’t remember our first few dates and how that depressed him. I don’t remember a lot but I know I was pretty crazy during that breakup. I just wish I knew what I said. I know I said that if we break up then that’s it, we’re not getting back together. But I didn’t mean that. He said we would have a sober talk the next day. Well the next day comes and when I text him asking to have the talk, he says he doesn’t wanna talk and that he does not see us getting back together, but he hopes we can be friends. I send him multiple long messages saying sorry and trying to get answers but he would just say he needs to be happy and that this is the way it is. It left absolutely no closure at all. Just hours before this breakup we were talking about all our future plans. The only thing that changed was this fight. I am terrified that my drunk fighting caused this breakup. But I feel like I will never know since he didn’t really give me an answer. I want to get closure and maybe try to reconcile at some point. I feel horrible about myself for us getting drunk and me freaking out and pretty much starting that fight. I was out of control, I know that. So even though he said he needs to work on himself all I can think is that the breakup was my fault because of the drunk fight. I feel so horrible about myself and regret that fight so much. I love him so much. He said he loves me too, unless he was lying all the time. During the breakup I asked if he loves me. First he said “I think so” then he said “no” then he said “I think so” again. I’m just so confused. Is the reason him or is the reason me? Why would he make all these future plans and buy tickets for stuff for us months in advance if he is not happy with me? That’s why I feel it was that drunk fight. I wish I could remember. It’s also hard because we work in the same retail store together, though we don’t see each other often there. We also frequent the same hangout spots. I just don’t know what to do. My friends say I should text him after about a week to try to get answers. I’m just not sure. I hate myself for that drunken fight
Chelsea
March 5, 2016 at 4:34 am
Do you think that his concerns about his memory are why he broke up with me? I’m so confused because a lot of the pieces aren’t adding up. That and him wanting to work on himself just make the most sense. But then I wonder why he would make those plans with me and act so cold toward me. What do you think? I appreciate your help
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 5, 2016 at 10:34 am
yeah..it doesn’t reallu add up.. either it’s really about his memory or he’s just making an excuse and the real issue is what he said when he was drunk
Chelsea
March 4, 2016 at 7:50 am
I think it was a lot of things, but I am starting to feel like his memory problems were the reason. He has talked a lot about how depressed he is that he doesn’t remember things like our first dates. I think he really loves me and that is why he had to let me go, to save me from dealing with a man who doesn’t remember. He has said before he will likely be completely done by 50 and not remember anything, and that he wants to marry me and after his memory is completely gone that he doesn’t want me to be with him anymore to spare me. So I think that got to him and led to the breakup, maybe along with other stuff. But I think he truly loves me. Otherwise, why else would he make plans for the summer and say he wants to marry me and buy tickets for events that are a few months away
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 5, 2016 at 4:27 am
yeah, it can be.. but he has to get checked first.. instead of putting his life on hold.. because if he really has alzheimers, it won’t get better once he forgets you, it will just continue to get worse
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 4, 2016 at 6:52 am
Hi Chelsea,
I think he was meaning to say that before but didn’t have the strength to do so… and being drunk gave him the courage to say what he really feels… fornow give him space, don’t talk to him so he won’t get annoyed
fatima
March 3, 2016 at 2:38 pm
I met my boyfriend five months ago, we were head over heels in love, he used to visit me everyday and sometimes twice a day. He even committed himself by meeting my family members. Now the problem is he became distant to me, he doesnt call as he used to, doesnt chat me up. And when I asked him what the reason was, he told me that He is depressed for now as he has a wife and he knew his decision will hurt her( am a muslim and polygamy is allowed), last week he told me that he is looking for a way to make things easier between the 3 of us, so I suggested wether I should give him a space since my coming to his life is the problem, but he refused to let me go saying that it is the last thing in his mind and my coming into his life is not my doing. He told me to be patient and he knws he hurts me. But he is still distant to me, he just send a message once a day in the morning checking up on me and thats all. Please what am I going to do? Do I use the NC for him? How can I rekindle the flames of love between us? I dont want to lose him
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 3, 2016 at 2:56 pm
Hi Fatima,
walk on how it is in Muslim okay? I’m actually aware that polygamy is allowed in Muslim.. but if it is allowed, why would his wife be hurt?
Rosie
March 3, 2016 at 10:46 am
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 8 years now, we never pressured each other into marriage or kids, till this day I’m not that fussed. I realised every time our relationship went”sour” was because he was out of work. It happened once at the 2 year mark – I pressed him so much about not having a job for a year and told him it was over – I did the no contact and went out all the time and even met another guy, within 2 weeks my phone was on fire with his messages and missed calls. Again 5 years into relationship he went through a depression with struggling to find work, this time I did not pressure him. The bad times were gone within a month when he got a job and everything went back to normal. Now this year from about 2 weeks ago it has been the worst. He goes out every night, drinks till he is wasted and incoherent, then comes home and sleeps. One day I couldn’t take it anymore and asked him “what’s going on with you?” At this stage he hasn’t had work for over 3 months but he works in the mines and jobs are scarce at the moment. He has money saved up, enough for a full years wage (we were suppose to buy a house with that money) and he just started spending it like it was nothing. He started to dabble in drugs as well and tells me he no longer holds any feelings for me and the relationship. To be honest, I was hurt and shocked at the same time but not angry. I calmly said to him “okay” I left it at that and started to believe maybe he is going through depression? i thought I would cool it (we were already not talking to each other for over a week by this point, I just wanted to give him space) I thought by letting him settle it his way he might get better……boy was I wrong. So fast forward to yesterday, I calmly told him that our feelings for this relationship had deteriorated and I left we both needed space and that we should break-up, he didn’t even respond or give me eye contact which is literally what it had been for the last 2 weeks. I asked him to pack his bags tomorrow while I’m at work so I can come home and start moving on… NOW, while that sounds amazing, Me, myself, am still SO in love with him (I know right) But I am determined, I will stay positive and take care of myself and make sure I prioritise my life. The one question, which I know I wont know the answer to till I experience myself is…when does the pain and heartache stop?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 3, 2016 at 2:23 pm
Hi Rosie,
as long as you love a person, it will hurt.. that’s an indication that you love him..
Sarah
March 3, 2016 at 2:28 am
Someone I was only dating for six months (but still had a profound effect on me) ended things because we ‘were on different pages’, and i wanted ‘more from him’ than he wanted to give. The hardest part has been that we work together, so we have not had any contact since he called it off, but still have to see each other everyday.
I feel like I completed the first three stages of your guide well, however i’m not sure how to make him jealous. We have not spoken since it ended so I don’t feel a text message thinking I saw him somewhere would work.
What can I do?
As a side note, I handed in my resignation last week and will be starting a new job in two weeks, just to rey and help myself heal. But I still would like to be with him.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 3, 2016 at 12:17 pm
Hi Sarah,
try yo hang out with other groups..get more closer with your guy work friends
leia
March 2, 2016 at 6:19 pm
hello!
my ex and I have been dating for 6 months and I’ve known him for a long time before that as he’s my best friend’s cousin. And that also puts us in a sticky situation as she isn’t really in favour of us dating. When he found out about it he got so affected that he broke up with me but got back together 5 days later because he felt that I was the one and in time his cousin would see that too.
He left for Country X to pursue his education and lives with his cousin’s family (she has migrated there). He knew I was very upset about the fact that he was leaving. And 2 weeks after he left I started to feel insecure and brought up his past relationship and also told him I felt like he would cheat on me like my ex had done. Needless to say, he raged as he had said since day one that he’ll always be loyal and never hurt me like my ex had done. And the fact that I did so AND also bring up about his past was too much for him. He said he didn’t deserve any of this drama and that we should end this because he cannot see me the same way again. I begged him to give me another chance during our last convo but he clearly said no so I dropped it.
Its been 9 days of nc and I’ve been active on social media and so has he. Today I realised that he deleted my number from his contact list. He didn’t block me as I can still see him online on whatsapp. And he also deleted me on snapchat. He’s a jealous person and very very stubborn especially when he doesn’t feel like he’s at fault. I was never a clingy person and I don’t talk about my feelings often so could him deleting my contact number be him trying to get my attention?
Or am I fighting for a lost cause? Because he did tell me he hated me the day we broke up.
And also I feel like he could’ve just used this as an excuse to break up with me because he doesn’t want to disappoint his cousin.
leia
March 5, 2016 at 3:59 am
Hello Amor, just an update. My ex has been posting cryptic posts on fb whenever I’m online and commenting on my friend’s posts about how much fun he’s having now that he’s living overseas. Which we all know is not true. And last night he went on to fb msg my friend and asked if she knew about the breakup. My friends said yes and gave a third party’s point of view to the situation. But he didn’t budge at all. He still kept insisting that she wasn’t seeing things in his perspective and that I had crossed the line so he can never forgive me.
I don’t know what to do. It seems like he’s really crying for attention and being childish but my intention is not to anger him. anymore
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 5, 2016 at 10:32 am
if that’s the case.. then it’s not really about he’s cousing opinion…just continue to be distant..let him for now
leia
March 3, 2016 at 2:46 pm
Hi Amor thank you so much for your reply 🙂
It’s because they grew up together and he’s very close to her and I respect the relationship they have. She’s not in favour as she feels like it won’t survive ldr so why waste time dating only to get hurt when it doesn’t work out.
Should I continue with nc? I feel so discouraged as thinking about everything makes me feel like I have 0% chance of getting him back.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 4, 2016 at 4:11 am
oh okay… yes contnue because whetger it works out or not, nc is the same process to moving on.. the only difference is that you don’t text after 30 days..you just don’t text him but still be active in improving… with you.. you can try after 30 days, if he doesn’t respond, then you just continue moving on
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 3, 2016 at 9:57 am
Hi Leia,
why does his cousin’s opinion have a great effect on the relationship? Why doesn’t his cousin what you two to be together? I meam is it that serious that he has to break up with you, can’t he just tell his cousin there’s nothing to worry about?
We’re not sure why he deleted you.. But it can be to stop himself from.messaging you