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Charlotte
May 3, 2016 at 2:38 am
Hello. I was dating my ex for only about seven weeks and the whole time we were together, up until the last week or so, he would be excited to talk to me, made an effort to see me as much as he could, and even talked about our future and how much he enjoyed being with me and how much he liked me. He started acting differently once I had a really stressful week and wanted him to be there for me and then all of a sudden he didn’t make an effort to see me or talk to me even though we had made plans. I ended up telling him that I was upset about this and he didn’t understand why it was a big deal. The next weekend he broke up with me saying he still really liked me but didn’t want to be in a relationship, that he wanted to be friends and still hear about my life. He said he felt like I deserved more than what he was able to give me and he seemed very upset, he even cried.
I have been in NC with him for about 21 days but soon we leave for summer vacation and I will not have the opportunity to see him again for three months. I ran into him a couple of weeks after the breakup and he hugged me and we caught up; does this count as a break in the no contact? Do I have a chance even though we were dating for such a short time?
I’ve already been active on social media, posting my recent accomplishments and pictures of me with some girlfriends, both of which he “liked”.
Charlotte
June 24, 2016 at 5:22 pm
I’ve also started dating someone else and I think I’m starting to like him but I think the more I like him, the more I think about my ex and the more scared I am to open up. It’s all very confusing haha.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 28, 2016 at 8:30 am
if you just wanted to be friends, it’s ok to reach out and catch up
Charlotte
June 24, 2016 at 5:17 pm
Hello. I was dating my ex for about two months and it has now been about 10 weeks since I last spoke to him. I know that I do not want to be in a relationship with him again because I realize that he wasn’t very good to me and maybe I was too much for him at the time, or ever. However, even this long after the breakup, I miss him terribly and I just want to talk to him and see how he’s doing. We dated for such a short period of time but I fell for him and it was the hardest breakup I’ve been through. I was going to wait until my birthday in three weeks and see if he would reach out to me by that point (the only contact we’ve had is him liking a few pictures of mine on facebook/instagram). I am just wondering if reaching out to him then/before is a good idea? Additionally, when he broke up he mentioned that he still liked me and wanted to hear about my life and be friends after the breakup but that he just didn’t want to be in a relationship with anybody right now, although I’m not sure I believe all of that. I’ve made my peace that we probably won’t be together again, I just miss him so much, what should I do? I appreciate any feedback you can give š
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 4, 2016 at 9:52 am
Hi Charlotte,
yeah the nc broken when you talked to him, what I didn’t like about him is that it’s like he just wants to have a fun relationship.. not really a serious one.. when the honeymoon period was over, he didn’t stick with you.. there’s a chance that you can start over especially now that you’re better.. but think about it, will he leave you again when you have problems?
Dani
May 2, 2016 at 11:38 am
Hey! I’ve been in this odd and perplexed situation with my ex.. see the thing is that, we went through 2 periods of NC. The first time was a month, and was actually done before I discovered this site. When that NC was over we started talking again. Everything was okay until I realized that HE wasn’t. His behavior was a bit strange at the time, so to not assume anything inaccurate, I questioned it. I guess it wasn’t my best move.. He ended up requesting for “more time and space so we can both be fully over it.” So out of respect, I backed away for a while. Now it’s been 3 months and I was wondering if by using the texting techniques and methods, could I get things back on track? Or is there something else I should do? His birthday is actually on May 3rd, so I thought maybe a a small birthday message might help get back on track.. But I’m afraid of messing up!
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 3, 2016 at 10:08 am
Hi Dani,
if you weren’t active in improving yourself and having a new life and posting it in social media.. or if he didn’t know it through friends that you seem to be moving on.. it’s better to do that first.. that’s the most important part of nc.. if you just stopped talking to him, it would have less effect.
Confused Girl
May 2, 2016 at 1:50 am
Hello there, my ex-boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years, it has officially been a month since we have broke up. He broke up with me because he was unhappy with the fact that we were fighting a lot. We are sort of in a long distance relationship because he lives about 2 hours away from me. During the first few days after our breakup, I constantly texted him saying that I missed him, hoping to work things out and even went to visit him once at night demanding for closure because I told him I donāt deserve to be broken up with over the phone. It didnāt necessarily feel like closure because we ended up talking as if everything was normal and we admitted that we both still had feelings and and we still wanted to be in each others lives. I left around 4 am in the morning because I couldnāt sleep and saw when I got home that he texted me saying that he watched me get into my car and went outside to make sure that I was okay to drive. After that, we texted on and off. Sometimes I would text him first, sometimes he would text me first. Two weeks later, when my birthday came around, he agreed to see me, but I told him that I wasnāt ready to see him, especially around my family. We ended up talking to each other at night, as if everything was normal (once again), we were laughing and making jokes until I asked him if he was happy. His voice drastically changed and he asked why I was asking, and then shortly after told me he didnāt know if he was or not. I ignored him for a week after that, I forced myself to block him on my phone just to see if I can go through with being without him since it didnāt really feel like a breakup to me in the first place. After a week went by I decided to text him cause I realized he deleted all our pictures on his social media pages and he told me he felt like āit was the right thing to doā. We talked about two days ago on the phone, because I was just so bothered and confused by the fact that he kept constantly telling me that āit wasnāt my fault for the break up and that I should trust himā or he would always admit that he still really loves me, he misses me, he still cares about me, and that he hasnāt or doesn’t want to move on because heās not that type of guy. He even told me that it only seems like heās fine after the breakup because he is purposely overwhelming himself with his 3 jobs, school, and his family issues so he doesn’t have to think about our breakup. At this same time, he told me that he doesnāt think weāll get back together right now and he even said āOur relationship wasnāt bad only from MY perspective, and questioned why we always fought if I tried so hard to make him happyā. He then told me that he is really trying to find a day or time to see me but with his new jobs at the moment itās been hard. I decided to stop texting him after that and two days later, or actually just last night, he texted me last night again with a corny inside joke that we have with each other and I replied with a dry āhahaā. My ex and I have agreed to meet up after weāre both done with our classes and this semester is finally over.. Honestly, Iām so confused and itās driving me crazy. We fought a lot over stupid things that could have easily been fixed. I have no idea what to do. We consider each other to be our first love since it was both our first real and longest relationship. Please help me.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 3, 2016 at 12:19 pm
Hi Confused girl,
if he doesn’t want to get back but he doesn’t want to let you go also, that means he’s keeping you around for security.. 3 years is not easy to forget.. honestly you’re about to be frienzoned if you keep talking to him… coz, he doesn’t want the fighting anymore when you were together but of course he still like talking to you.. tell him you can’t handle just being friends right now and you need space… but don’t tell him how long you’re going to do nc.. improve yourself during nc.. be busy, make a new routine before you try to talk to him again.
Dani
May 2, 2016 at 12:47 am
Hi! I’ve been in a weird status with my ex and was wondering how I can fix things. We went through a period of NC (for a month) and when things were okay, I realized after a while, that he wasn’t. I questioned it so I wouldn’t assume something inaccurate.. And because of this horribly planned move, he ended up asking for “more time and space so we can both be fully over it.” So being respectful of that, I backed away for a while.. Now it’s been 3 months Of NC! Would using the RIGHT techniques put on this site help now? His birthday is actually on Tuesday, so I was thinking maybe a small birthday message and asking him how he’s doing would be pretty helpful to rekindle our contacting stage. I’m just afraid to do the wrong thing, since I did mess up a bit before I discovered this site. Do I still have a chance at fixing it using the methods, or is there something else that can put the relationship back on track? I’m pretty desperate to fix things before it’s too late!
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 3, 2016 at 10:08 am
Hi Dani,
if you weren’t active in improving yourself and having a new life and posting it in social media.. or if he didn’t know it through friends that you seem to be moving on.. it’s better to do that first.. that’s the most important part of nc.. if you just stopped talking to him, it would have less effect.
Danielle
April 30, 2016 at 6:53 pm
My boyfriend of 6 months just broke up with me two days ago. We had been having a lot of problems lately. I felt like he didn’t put enough effort into texting or spending time with me and he felt like I was constantly nagging him to hang out with me. Plus he felt that I was unhappy with what he had to offer which made him sad. He said we broke up for the summer because we will be in different states and because he needs space from dealing with me. He also said he wouldn’t even stay with Blake Lively (his celebrity crush) over the summer because he just doesn’t want to do long distance right now. However, he said he’d text me a couple times over the summer if he thought about it because he’s still friends with all his exes. I asked about the fall when we get back to school and he said we could see where we stood. So i asked if that meant he would consider getting back together and he said yes hesitantly. I said honestly? And he still said yes. Plus he said he’d always love me and there’s not a day in his life he won’t be attracted to me. Is there any hope to try and fix it? Also, how many times should you text before trying to meet up and do you wait 30 days in between each text? Thank you!
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 1, 2016 at 2:43 pm
Hi Danielle,
you just broke up days ago.. nope you don’t wait 30 days in between every text.. I think you meant the no contact rule.. it’s s supposed to be at least 30 days of not initiating contact with him and not replying to him for at least 30 days while you’re improving and focusing on yourself. The texting phase is after no contact to build rapport and attraction.. the purpose is to build up enough to transition to calls that will later on lead to meet ups.. in your case, it’s better if you build up enough rapport and attraction until your fall meet up
Emma
April 29, 2016 at 1:28 pm
I had been with my boyfriend for a year and a half, and the break up was completely out of the blue. We were talking about moving in together, planning a trip to Spain and generally making plans for the future. We’d never argued; despite the odd disagreement, we always sat and talked them out. We texted a lot and spent most weekends together. He was my best friend as well as my boyfriend. We even exchanged promise rings. We were compatible and always had a lot of fun.
The only bump in the road we experienced was a few months ago (January). While I was working on his computer, I realised he had been exchanging sexual messages with one of his female friends – let’s call her Alice. That night was eventful – we talked it out and both of us cried. When I went home the next day I was still unsatisfied. I felt like I hadn’t shown how much it had upset me, and that he would just continue. Fast forward a week – my boyfriend let me read all of the messages, and he stopped talking to Alice completely. The messages weren’t as bad as I had thought – it was just a dirty sense of humour that was taken too far sometimes. I appreciated the lengths he went to apologise, and we returned to normal.
About a month later, he revealed he was still full of guilt, and that it may have tainted our relationship. I assured him that I still trust him. He might have broken up with me that night, but he didn’t: he said “I just can’t be without you”. I had never had any suspicions about him cheating. Ever. But now I was a little unsure. Last year we even had a threeway with his friend Angela – that’s how much I trusted him. But now I was becoming wary of Angela. They were spending more time together and she was buying him expensive gifts. My boyfriend actually mentioned that Angela had had a crush on him a few months ago, but that she said it was over. I kept finding things belonging to her in his bedroom, like socks or extremely long pieces of hair in his bed which undoubtedly belonged to her. I didn’t let it consume me, but I was scared. One day, I eventually asked him if I could read through their messages, just to make sure. He seemed unsure, but let me have a look. There was nothing to suggest an affair apart from one message: “we can just have a friendly sleepover, nothing has to happen”. I asked my boyfriend but he said that he doesn’t know what she meant by that. Angela found out about me reading the messages and got VERY angry. She spammed my phone with texts and made some things quite personal. I got very upset – I knew that I’d invaded privacy but I thought she’d understand. My boyfriend also admitted that I was out of order for asking to look. I felt singled out, and to make things worse, Angela and my boyfriend had a sleepover that night. My boyfriend and I had a long talk, and he said that he wants us to move past this and be happy again. I agreed!
For only one week we were happy – we went out to a fancy restaurant, went on more walks together and made even more plans for the future. I still remember the last good day we had: he came to my house at midnight because he missed me, even though he’d had an exhausting day at work. He stayed up until 4am giggling and being ourselves. But merely a day later, he said he just wants to be single. He came to visit me and we went on a walk for a few hours. He said that he doesn’t want this, and gave various reasons why he wanted to break up. Such as, he hasn’t forgiven himself, I’m never going to trust him again, and that he just wants to be alone. I was hysterical, and he cried too – when I asked for a last kiss he burst into tears when we kissed. He assured me that he still loves and cares for me a great deal, and that he’ll miss me; he’ll even keep his promise ring. I was so confused; two days ago he was talking about all the things we’re going to do together. He left. I cried buckets, and my family and friends were devastated. A few days later we called each other, and he seemed frustrated. I asked him for another chance but he just got impatient with me and kept saying it just wouldn’t work. I told him I wasn’t going to talk to him for a month, and we’ll see how we feel: he agreed.
It’s almost been a month now, and I stumbled upon this website. I never knew about the No Contact period so I’m amazed that I actually suggested it myself. Unfortunately, I think he’s in a rebound relationship with Angela. They’re spending a lot more time together and she posted a selfie in his house wearing his hoodie. She even went to his family gathering, which I was supposed to go to. Seeing all of this is so heartbreaking that I uninstalled social media on my phone so I don’t see it. They may still be friends, I just don’t know.
I’m preparing first contact texts but I don’t know if they are even worth it anymore. Our relationship was so strong and ideal, I thought it could be salvaged, but now I’m not so sure. He could have wanted Angela instead of me the whole time. I’m prepared to do what it takes to get him back, I just don’t know what to do.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 1, 2016 at 11:13 am
Hi Emma,
actually I think it’s a grass is greener case with Angela, and it’s not good to contact him now because he knows you waited a month.. you should do another nc.. and this time focus on yourself.. let them be and just improve yourself and heal.
Patrick
April 28, 2016 at 7:58 pm
Hey
I’m a guy and my boyfriend broke up with me yesterday and it was just so unexpected. He started off by saying that he wasn’t going to spend the night and continued on to to say that he wasn’t coming back. He just said stuff like he couldn’t handle his classes, and that the relationship was not making him happy anymore, and that he never wanted to hurt me but he knew that it was too late for that now. But to be honest I really don’t know why he broke up with me. We’ve been quite happy together and he used to call me cute names even few days before he broke up with me and was generally quite happy-ish, so I really don’t know why he said that the relationship wasn’t making him happy anymore.
I accidentally sent him a one word message on Facebook which was meant for someone else, and so I immediately followed up by “sorry, wrong person”. I think I broke no-contact rule and I really don’t know what to do now.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 1, 2016 at 9:10 am
Hi Patrick,
if he didn’t respond that’s ok.. you didn’t break it.. for now, continue no contact and be active in improving yourself.. be active in posting it social media too
Megan
April 27, 2016 at 9:13 pm
My ex and I broke up over a month ago. We were together for almost a year but we were on and off for much of it cause I got jealous after I moved and hour away and we were kind of long distance. I initiated this breakup because I was jealous. After he was angry with me saying that he didn’t know how he felt about me anymore cause I acted up so much. So I went into NC and planned for doing it for a month but 3 weeks in he texted me that he was visiting my city and my college. In those 3 weeks I did greatly improve myself, went shopping, got even more in shape, and had an interesting life. I really didn’t want to break it early, but I felt like if I didn’t reply it would be rude and he would decide not to come here. We had a nice conversation and after that we began to talk more and more and I thought he might have been interested again. Then I ran into him at my friends track meet 2 weeks later where I acted a bit cold to him because he was intruding my conversation with my friends. I later apologized over text and we continued to have good conversations but I started to feel like I was chasing him. Since I was afraid he started to like me again but being cold to him maybe turned him away I told him I still had feelings for him. He then responded “Aww thanks for being honest with me. I honestly don’t know how I feel about you right now. I know I like you as a friend, but it might be more. I’m sorry we can’t be together. At least not anytime soon.” He used to be so in love with me and usually when we broke it off before he’d come crawling back to me within 3-4 weeks. I feel like I really messed up this time. At first I though I might be stuck in the friend zone. But now I don’t feel like he wants to talk to me anymore. This guy has been amazing to me but I had to cause drama and ruin it and would love any chance to have him back. I don’t know if I should do another round of NC or keep talking to him and try to think more favorably again or something else. Thank you.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 1, 2016 at 6:59 am
Hi Megan,
you should do nc again.. and until it really seems that you’ve moved on, don’t message him
Mia
April 27, 2016 at 8:54 pm
I was with my ex for 2 and a half years and we moved in together around a year ago. Everything was going perfect until one day he (a month ago) he broke up with me and moved out and I hardly had an explanation. He said ‘something clicked’. Now when he moved out he left me a letter saying how much he loves me and it pains him to do this and saying never forget me. It’s been about 3 weeks since we last spoke but everytime we do speak it’s almost like he’s so cold with me. I’ve bumped into him and he’s ignored me. I’m so confused. Is there any chance of us getting back together? Also he bumped into my older brother who had words with him about messing around with my head. Has this ruined our chances??
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 1, 2016 at 6:55 am
Hi Mia,
well not really ruined.. maybe he got scared but that doesn’t mean he won’t understand your brother.. try to do nc and focus on yourself.. and then see after nc if you still want to try to talk to him.
B Bear
April 27, 2016 at 1:41 pm
Me and my boyfriend broke up last year, and after four months, following NC and a steady build up, he showed interest in making things work. Over the next month things were improving and we attended a family event abroad together, which was unavoidable. I think he felt it was moving too fast and suddenly backed off and seemed less interested again. I have reason to believe he was only backing off to make sure I wouldn’t get hurt if things started working more slowly than before. But in the end, I couldn’t handle it and begun NC again. Was this a good decision?
I am planning on carrying it out for 30 days, however, that gives me just 4 days to build up to the stage of meeting on his terms, because we have a concert (we’ve waited for years to go to this) 4 days after NC ends. Should I cut it shorter? What should I do?
And one more question, should I show I have read his messages, or leave them “unread” throughout the whole NC period?
Regards,
B Bear
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 1, 2016 at 5:12 am
you can make it shorter.. you can make it just two weeks at most.. if he sends a series of positive replies during your mini nc.. it’s okay to break it too..
Oda
April 27, 2016 at 10:02 am
Hello! My ex broke up with me almost 3 weeks ago now because he lost his feelings for me. I am currently 15 days NC. The problem is, it appears as if he has started to develop feelings for this new girl. I have seen on social media that he treats her the exact same way he treated me when he first started liking me. I feel kind of stuck now, because if he broke up with me due to a loss of feelings, it’s natural that he might get feelings for someone else, so I don’t think this new girl is a rebound. I don’t want to say that it’s a hopeless situation, because I still want to try to get him back, but it all seems very complicated right now and I don’t know what to do!
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 1, 2016 at 4:02 am
HI Oda
continue on with no contact and be active in improving yourself.. let them be for now.. if he just met her after the break up, it probably is more of a rebound.. so be sure to improve yourself for him to miss you and be active in posting it..
Mary
April 26, 2016 at 10:09 pm
Hello! First of all, I would like to thank you, because eventually I got my ex back by following your advices. He literally begged me to be with him again (and I could never believe it would be possible) thank you very very much! We re now back together for 2 months already, but we’re facing some problems. His family doesnt want him ro marry me or even be with me (he is from India and due to their traditions, his parents want to arrange a marriage for him) I know that he doesn’t want it. And i also know that he doesn’t have courage enough to go against his parents will. Is there anything you can advice me in this situation? what can i do to make him want me so bad, that he would marry me no matter what? Thank you for any response. Mary
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 27, 2016 at 8:46 am
Hi Mary,
that’s hard because it has to come from him.. You can’t force him to be courageous.. Maybe ask him, if he’s willing to face a lifetime with somebody he doesn’t know.. You know, his parents are his parents.. they’ll forgive him in time..
Linzi
April 26, 2016 at 3:14 pm
He split up with me out of the blue, it was perfect. I did notice that he was being more quiet than usual like 3 days before, but he said he was worried about money. We enjoyed a nandos and a night out on the night he broke it off, he told me he loved me ect as usual. Then I went home early and he went to a mutual friends house and dropped the bomb via Facebook. He said I didn’t do anything wrong, that I was perfect and amazing it was just that his head was messed up and that I could do better than him. I did the usual begging pleading blah blah blah, but then I blocked him. He got angry at me and asked me to unblock him incase he needed to contact me. It’s now 2 weeks after the break up and i am on my second day of no contact. I haven’t heard off him since Sunday 2 days ago. He was texting me now and again kind of nit picking and had a go at me because people had told him I was talking to someone we both didn’t like (even though I wasn’t) and said that he wasn’t going to think about us getting back together anymore, he said this also about a week before after I blocked him. I think he was just trying to get a reaction out of me, I’m finding it hard to understand why he is angry at me. The relationship was perfect, it was 8 months of bliss and we didn’t argue over petty things we were best friends for 4 years before we got together and no one can believe he left me as ‘we truly are perfect for each other’ do you still think there is a chance? I know he loves me to bits there is no doubt about that in my mind.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 27, 2016 at 8:03 am
Hi Linzi,
It’s impossible that there’s no reason.. hmm I hope you doing better during will make him realize.. Just keep on nc for now.. Don’t give him a reason to give you why he broke up with you.. Just take the high road by being calm and improving yourself.
Nita
April 26, 2016 at 11:46 am
Idk where to even start… Me and my ex bf been broken up for about a month and a half. I did the nc rule and once I contacted him I felt like he truly missed me, we even talked on the phone for hours. He mentioned how he wanted to see me and how he wondered if we would’ve never broken up we could’ve been stronger. All of sudden he got mad at me and told me that he has feelings for me but didn’t want to talk about them and how before having another relationship with that we needed to work on our friendship more than anything because we started to lack in that area. From that I went back into the nc period but I broke it because I found out there was a tragedy in his family a couple of days ago. He told me on the phone that me and him would contact more because he missed our “friendship” and assured me that things will get better. The next morning I woke up to a Instagram alert saying some girl was trying to follow me, so I clicked on her name and in her picture was her and my ex……. His name was in her bio and she was talking about him like she’s in love….. I was so heartbroken… I didn’t want to believe it because I knew my ex don’t rush into things but I guess she was different. I asked him if he had a gf and he ended up blocking me on Instagram and didn’t reply till 4 hours later. He said the most hurtful things like how he doesn’t owe me anything and how he doesn’t have nearly as much feelings that he has for me that I have for him, and how if I wanted to hate him go ahead etc. He promised to God that he didn’t cheat on me with her and how they started talking/met on the 1rst of April (we broke up on March 11th) and they officially just started dating. He told me that he didn’t rush anything and that he just knows how to move on with his life.. He then told me that when he said he would give me another chance he meant way later in life and that he doesn’t give second chances. I feel hurt and lied to but a part of me still has hope for me and him. We’re long distance and now he has a gf, someone he started to date about 3 weeks after we broke up…. I just wanted to share.
Nita
April 27, 2016 at 9:15 am
That was my second 30 day nc and I will start it again. I went off when I found out that he really started dating her two days after we broke up… She had to be in the picture while me and him was together and it hurts my heart so bad because I never thought he would do such a thing… His gf contacted me telling me she didn’t want me and him to have contact because I was ruining a happy relationship. I then told her the whole truth and even sent screenshots of him basically lying about their relationship a couple of days ago… I think I messed up by doing that, I was just hurt and felt like she deserved the truth…. My friends think I deserve way better and maybe they’re right.. Idk why I still love him.. Hopefully the 30 day nc helps me figure out things
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 27, 2016 at 6:04 am
Hi Nita,
It’s better if you restart nc.. 8 days was actually too short.. Don’t focus on them being together. She’s probably rebound. Focus on improving yourself during your 30 day nc.. YOu need it as a restart and to be more emotionally stable.
Diana Amorim
April 25, 2016 at 7:00 pm
Hello.
I am having trouble with my relationship. I have been dating with this awesome guy for almost 3 months. Things were going fine but then he withdraw because he is having problems with work, self esteem and overcoming a depression. We spent last weekend together and the first day was amazing, but then he got sick. I acted childish thinking he was just using it as an excuse to run away. I have conscience that I did not treated him the way I should. I have put my own insecurities first instead of showing support and care cause he got sick. He then spent a week very cold, but I gave him the space. I then got tired of waiting and texted him if he was angry with me. He said no, but was disaponted. And said he was having second thoughts about the relationship and that maybe it was best to breakup, but he wanted to talk personally. That for know itās what he thinks he wants, but he doesnāt seem sure of it. We will be together soon to have the breakup talk, but I want to know if there is something I can do to make him give a second try to the relationship. I will tell him that I know I didnāt act the right way, that I am aware of it. And that I want to support him with all the troubles that he is having. But I am afraid that he already made his mind to breaking up. We are not talking know cause he his abroad having a trip and I donāt want to sound needy, but I guess that we will meet next weekend. In the meanwhile should I text him or act as we are really over?
(We leave one hour car drive away from each other and all this last interations have been over messanger)
I appreciate any advice
Best regards,
Diana
Diana Amorim
April 26, 2016 at 1:34 pm
Thank you Amor for the advice.
I still haven’t heard from him. I know that he is working at the moment, but it makes me real sad not to have the usual good morning text.
I am fighting the urge to text him. I know that I am able to remain silent, I am just afraid of the outcome of it.
Today’ s morning I kind of had a panic attack and cried just because I am realising that maybe we are really over. I just don’t know cause he was not sure…and it makes me wonder if we are or not over! I am calm now, and I know I will be calm the moment we meet to talk. But his silence is excrutiating!
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 26, 2016 at 9:15 am
Hi Diana,
if he initiates.. be positive whenever you talk to each other, but don’t initiate an asking message to him.. it’s better if it’s something positive too like Good morning and then when you talk, be the one to end the convo always.. keep it short and sweet and bw calm once you meet.. look your best too
Beth
April 25, 2016 at 12:26 pm
Hi,
My ex ghosted me 3 months ago after over a year relationship, after a confusing conversation maybe moving closer to me, loved me, etc. I did nc twice, last time probably close to 45 days. I even unfriended him on fb which rattled him (should have blocked instead or not have done that?). He has reached out a few times by text that again I didn’t answer, as recent as a couple days ago. He called me last week over a death in my family and we talked an hour when he surprisingly shared he’s not dating anyone. He made several references about me when in his life. (He is back on an on-line dating site – me too, but recently took myself off the one he is on, thought it felt inappropriate.) I was in a busy situation when he called, but we did get to talk a little bit about the past. I talked to a male friend who thought I should have shared I wasn’t dating anyone, that it could have opened the door for him to ask to meet. And hearing my (our) story, friend said to either wait to hear from him, or ex and I stop playing games, so male friend had me text ex to thank him for the conversation and what he was up to that day. Long story short, we texted a bit, I then shared I wasn’t in a position to focus on our conversation when he called, so now we are meeting this week at a place we’ve been to before, his suggestion, after I asked him to meet. I definitely took advantage of nc, dated, worked on me, analyzed what really happened (we got along great by the way, rarely had an argument.), happy, independent and strong again. And found out how much I loved him after he wasn’t in my life anymore. My questions: 1.) How do I keep this meeting out of the ‘friend zone’? 2.) He has a lot of my personal things. How do I react/act if he brings them back? (The longer he has them, maybe he will think of me?) Will it mean we are over? 3.) Then part of me is thinking should I cancel our meeting and see if he makes a new plan to see me? Then what if he doesn’t?
Thoughts?
Thank you in advance.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 26, 2016 at 9:58 pm
Hi Beth,
it’s the first meeting again so don’t be too forward with your actions.. just look your best.. be clean and sleek, and then have fun.. you would to live an impression that it’s fun or light to you
Ava
April 25, 2016 at 6:15 am
Hello, me and my boyfriend together for over 5 years we had been arguing a lot in recent months and I broke up with him in a really heated argument via text but he doesn’t want me back now we had some good talks and bad talks now he said he needs time to see if he misses me I’m into day 4 of NC and I have been diagnosed with PTSD and I have had it for 7 months since the traumatic event also he has been through a traumatic event himself 2 months after mine, I really think this contributed to our break up with my erratic arguing, can I tell him and break NC? If so how do I tell him
He said every time I speak to him he gets stressed I really don’t know what to do for the best I genuinely believe he should know?
Could you get opinions off all your team members too as I really need to know what is for the best as it is so hard
Thank you
Ava
April 27, 2016 at 2:53 pm
What if I should tell him though do you think I should?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 1, 2016 at 5:28 am
if that makes you comfortable because it would be your reason for your previous actions that ok..
Ava
April 27, 2016 at 5:17 am
He doesn’t know I have it, how do I show him without telling him??
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 27, 2016 at 9:41 am
You don’t have to tell him you have ptsd. But just show via posts your activities, improvements, make over.. Just everything you’ve been doing.. Don’t caption it that it’s for him.. Just make it a casual post.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 26, 2016 at 9:05 pm
Hi Ava,
If he knows you were diagnosed with PTSD, he probably thinks that it may have contributed too but instead of talking to him about it, show him that you’re handling it. Go to therapy.. because even if you talk about it, it’s still not solved. It’s better that you be the source and example of change so that instead of him getting stressed whenever he talks to you, he would now be excited or inspired to see you.
Paige
April 24, 2016 at 11:56 pm
Hi! I see you guys tend to respond very quickly so I want to hear your two cents on what you think about my particular situation.
I am 20 years old and met this guy when we first started college in fall of 2014. We quickly became best friends. And technically, we never dated. From almost the very beginning we teased the idea of having feelings for each other but never really did anything about it.
In February of 2015 I met another guy who I ended up dating and beginning a serious relationship with. I really liked him, but in April 2015 I was on a camping trip with the best friend and the rest of our friend group and we (drunkenly) admitted to having had feelings for each other and ended up having sex that night. We were like, okay that was a mistake, one time thing, will never happen again.
Throughout the rest of spring 2015 that proved to not be the case. Whenever we drank together weād end up going home together (and yes, I still had the boyfriend) and were using āoh, we were drunkā as sort of an excuse. Until we started to question the fact that maybe this attraction went past drunken lust and maybe there was something there. So one night in May I stayed at his place, and we had sex completely sober and I spent the night there.
Over the summer he worked at a mission camp 2,000 miles away. While i was still with my boyfriend and that was going fine, I missed this guy a lot. Once in a blue moon weād text or call each other, if he wanted to show me a particular sunset in the rockies or we wanted to show each other a song or something. There was not a lot of communication but we were still on each otherās minds.
In August 2015 we went back to college and the idea of seeing him again gave me so many butterflies I began to realize just how bad i really had it. I saw him walk into the music building and he just looked so great and I felt all the feelings all at once. That night we went on a walk together which ended with kissing goodnight. So clearly this wasnāt over.
We continued to get closer, spending a lot of time together through marching band and after a halloween party (October 2015) he told me he loved me for the first time. I told him i loved him too, and that i was so confused about what I wanted with the boyfriend.
Through november, december, and January he could be very hot and cold. But the āhotā moments were very āhot.ā We began to talk about fate, and the prospect of being in love, and being meant for each other, and God bringing us together, etc. But I was scared that he didnāt know what he was talking about, or would change his mind and i was having too much false hope, and that believing he knew what he was saying would hurt me, etc. I also was still dating a great guy and he had been there for me for so much and we had so much fun and joy together I couldnāt bear the thought of leaving him. I felt like trying to push myself away from this guy and trying to make things work with my bf was the right thing to do.
So in February, the best friend basically got to a point like āwe need to figure this out. I think we both know what we want and need to make it a reality.ā So, at first i had believed the right thing to do was keep this secret from my boyfriend until i figured everything out myself, but the guilt ended up being too much and i changed my attitude to my bf deserves to know the truth and I told him about the friend and Iās feelings for each other and how I was conflicted. He said he needed time to think. I was scared and thought he was gonna leave, so i began spending pretty much every waking moment with the best friend. He would tell me every day how in love with me he was and how we could be so happy together. I continued not to give a straight answer. He even proposed to me, multiple times. I sort of giggled like it was a joke and he said Iām serious. As much as i didnāt believe him I relished in the idea of being with him forever. He didnāt stop proposing or telling me he loved me.
My bf stayed with me. Although i was still in love with the best friend, I told him i had made my decision. He said I led him on and i told him he knew how conflicted i was and since my bf was giving me this chance that I didnt deserve I wanted to do the right thing and try to fix things with him. Things got better with the bf, and i didnt cheat on him anymore, but my feelings for the best friend never faded one bit.
In February/March 2016 I found out that my bf was moving to Boston at the end of the school year because heās a graduating senior. We didnāt know what we were gonna do about that. At the same time, the best friend had recently met another girl, a sweet and quiet girl who was a virgin that had never had a boyfriend. They met at a party and he was her first kiss. I didnāt know if it was going anywhere, but i figured this is what was meant to be.
A couple weeks later, after all this effort, the boyfriend broke up with me anyway. Partially out of moving away, and partially out of never being able to be okay with what happened between the best friend and I. I realized this was the right thing to do, because dispite everything not a day went by when i wasnāt thinking about the best friend.
the best friend and the girl became official around the same time my boyfriend broke up with me. I still didnāt stop thinking about the best friend rather than mourning the loss of the boyfriend and thats how i knew how i truly felt. So i admitted all these things to the best friend. He came over and we talked for a long time and ended up sleeping together again. I asked him if he felt the same way and he said he was drawn to me, but that this could be closure because his new girlfriend was super special and he was falling for her. I was angry because i was like but you literally just cheated on her how can you say you know what you want? But i knew I was a hypocrite, so i didnt know what to do.
The roles were reversed and honestly i wouldnāt say i begged but i began to get angry at his moving on seemed to make no sense to me. Even after fighting and crying about our feelings or lack thereof or whatever for each other we still had sex again, and hes still with the girlfriend.
After a long argument he said to me the other day that he did still love me but wanted to be with his new girlfriend because what he and i have is toxic and we just keep hurting each other, and it pains him to say but we need time apart. I agree. I guess we both have a lot to think about and i need to actually establish no contact for the first time in over a year. But, I know i am madly in love with him, and i know he showed me a fairy-tale level of love that i barely believed existed. We were madly in love. I still am, and I donāt know if he is, if hes over it or its just too painful. Its very complicated and messy right now, but i was wondering if you think thereās a chance he and I (the best friend, obviously) could ever make this work. (Now April 2016)
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 26, 2016 at 5:41 pm
Hi Paige,
I don’t want to sound like blaming you but I think he’s being like that because you didn’t leave your boyfriend in the first place.. You and your bestfriend had a long time affair while you still stayed with your boyfriend. It says you’re not serious with your bestfriend and it looks like you were just using him, even though we both know that you really love your best friend. And now, he doesn’t want to risk somebody who is good for somebody who just let him wait for a long time and then now wanting to commit when he has finally found someone who he can call his proudly. He may still has feelings for you but put yourself in his position. He doesn’t trust you and he has someone that is good. He has to be secured with you again but you have to let time pass because either you let their honeymoon ran it’s course and resurface or resurface and continue to be there for him until he realizes that he can’t make the same mistake you did.
Hannah
April 24, 2016 at 9:58 pm
Hi this is on behalf of my friend. I know this is how to get ur ex back but I need help with pushing him away. See my friend’s ex likes me a lot and I don’t like him. Can u give me some advice to help push him away and turn him back to my friend. If so please reply back thank u
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 25, 2016 at 2:00 pm
Hi,
you can’t force him to go back to your friend.. because you can only control yourself.. the only thing you can do is to be honest with him that you don’t like him and be consistent with it if he still pursues you.. it’s his decision if he wants to go back to your friend.. but if he decides to go back to your friend just because you dumped him, that means she would be a rebound
Mature person
April 24, 2016 at 7:32 pm
I am a mature lady whose was dumped two years ago, Baxter living together for seven years, we still kept in touch, going out for dinner, on holiday etc, however, after the holiday he went quiet on me, even when I tried to contact him, giving excuses. He did eventually get in touch to say he has met someone else, as you can imagine I was devastated and very hurt. I do not want to lose him, and have always loved him, we have talked and learn that they have talked about moving in together, and that he ‘he thinks he loves her’. I do not want to give him up, and have most probably done all the wrong things. I now find that I can do or say anymore, and will have to see what the outcome will be and accept it, he still loves me, but feel it may not be enough.
Mature person -
April 27, 2016 at 9:32 pm
I’m going to try the no contact for a month or two
Mature person -
April 26, 2016 at 8:07 pm
I don’t understand your last sentence
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 27, 2016 at 8:40 am
Sorry! I meant, what’s your next step? Do you want to try no contact? or are you going to stay talking to him? Because actually it’s better if you do no contact.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 26, 2016 at 5:24 pm
Hi Mature person,
after you break up you stayed as friends for 2 years? Are you going to do nc?