69 thoughts on “Why Guys Come Back When You Ignore Them”

1. 

   sebby

   October 19, 2018 at 6:23 am

   I like this..thank you so much.

1. 

   Chris Seiter

   October 19, 2018 at 10:42 pm

   I am glad Sebby if this is helping you in some way.

2. 

   Broken Hearted Girl

   October 7, 2018 at 8:54 am

   OK. I’m going to try to be brief but I’m convinced this stuff works but just not on my guy. He is super stubborn and does not allow himself to be vulnerable enough to show his feelings. Ever. To him who cares the least wins. In a nut shell we broke up few months ago. Decision was his. We didn’t end off on a good note but after two months of NC we are back on good terms but not back together again. I’ve always been very independent with a life of my own and he’s always said that’s what he loves about me that I have a full life outside of him. We’ve both been a little flirty lately but unless I initiate the contact he does not. I’m his first girlfriend and he’s in his early 30’s. He’s been a total bachelor. My Facebook posts are all positive. My pictures are beautiful and sensual but classy. Previously we’ve been out on dates and strangers will come up to us and say you are a beautiful woman. He takes note. But he never compliments me. Ever. I’m wondering if he just doesn’t care about me enough. I really wanted to try again but have not brought up the relationship to him either. I hired a professional relationship coach and still don’t feel like I’m making enough progress with him. He is an anomaly. I need to try to figure out if he’s just not that into me and or if I need to move on. I feel like I deserve better than him. Our mutual friends say I’m amazing and that he’s an idiot. But he doesn’t think so. I want to make him regret breaking up with me. But I don’t even think he cares one way or another. I’ve been described as an ungetable girl by our mutual friends and have guys chasing after me but yet the one guy I want barely acknowledges me or pursues me. I’m just at a loss for what to do. Nothing is working with this guy. He’s not in any of the rule books.

1. 

   Chris Seiter

   October 7, 2018 at 10:03 pm

   Hi there!

   So perhaps my broken hearted friend your guy has some attachment issues. In psychology, according to the theory of attachment, it is said that there are four types of attachment styles. One is called “Secure” and that pretty much means what it sounds like. The individual has an emotionally secure and healthy sense of who they are and welcomes the opportunity to feel close and love and be loved. They are comfortable with intimacy. They don’t worry about being rejected. They are not preoccupied with the relationship, yet they enjoy it fully.

   An “Anxious” attachment style is one in which the person may feel insecure with the relationship. They may crave closeness and intimacy. But they feel fearful of abandonment or not being good enough or not loved or deserving of love. They seek validation. They want closeness, but worry far too often about the relationship which then bleeds into the relationship connection itself causing them to feel anxious and to cling. All of this can end up scaring their relationship partner away.

   Then there is the “Avoidant” style of attachment. These individuals usually avoid commitment. They are generally uncomfortable with closeness. Emotionally distant. They tend to be loners, preferring autonomy. They value their freedom and space. They find it difficult to trust and would rather not depend on another. They sometimes dismiss their partner, keeping them at arm’s length. Independence is a priority. They are not comfortable talking about emotions and feelings. They tend to hold things in and avoids conflict, then sometimes later explodes. They may be cool, stoic, and controlled.

   Then there is the Fearful/Unresolved style of attachment. Such an individual may have much inner conflict. They may desire intimacy, but simultaneously resist and avoid. They may be be very gun shy or frightened due to a prior relationship disappointment. It could be a deep seeded form of shyness that masks itself as avoiding an attachment. Deep resentments may have piled up leading to a serious hesitation to attach. It could be the individual is very conflicted about how they feel and avoids commitment. Or the avoidant behavior could have been triggered by a past trauma of some kind and the person cannot tolerate emotional closeness. They may be very argumentative and abusive far too often. They may lack empathy, be antisocial, or narcissistic.

   I always tell people that while we can try to use these attachment styles to better understand ourselves and relationship partners, given the complexity of people and how we all connect, be careful about labeling your relationship partner or making too many assumptions. People usually have varying degrees of all these styles and change with time.

   So what is your guy. I will leave that to you to figure out. My sense is that we all have many paths to choose from. At some stage, if he keeps behaving like this, you should just walk in a different direction. If he doesn’t come following after you, with a changed outlook, so be it. Since you are independent minded anyway you will be find. You have done mostly all the right things and he is blowing his chance to connect with a real gem of a person. It will be his loss.

3. 

   ANNA

   October 6, 2018 at 4:44 am

   Hi Chris, this is so true, My ex dumped me and want to be friend with me, I’m on my day 5 of no contact, my ex texted me today said that he is still attracted to me, I couldn’t help but broke the NC rule and replied him and told that he is confusing me and he just replied sorry.. should I continue ignore him or can I ask him what does he want?

1. 

   Chris Seiter

   October 7, 2018 at 3:36 am

   Hi Anna!

   I think you should get my eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book” so you can understand more fully how to execute NC and when you can make exceptions and all the ins an outs! You will love it.

4. 

   Kristen

   October 5, 2018 at 7:21 pm

   Hi Chris,

   I am on day 6 of N.C. My guy broke it off with me last weekend. Do you think it means anything if he hasn’t deleted me from social media and he hasn’t asked for a couple things of his I have at my place? I guess I’m just looking for any positive signs (no matter how small they may be). He hasn’t reached out since he ended it. No texts or anything yet.

1. 

   Chris Seiter

   October 5, 2018 at 8:57 pm

   Hi Kristen!

   Good job with 6 days in! Don’t forget to also focus on your own needs and personal recover. Guys will sometimes have pent up resentments and do things like blocking you on social media. Don’t take it too hard. Lots guys do it impulsively then later switch it back. Be sure to follow my advice in my books so you are doing the things to better your chances. I lay it all out.