49 thoughts on “When Does The No Contact Rule Start To Work?”

1. 

   Grace

   November 20, 2018 at 2:14 pm

   Hi Chris,

   My boyfriend said he wanted to take a break and just needed me to be his friend right now. He also said that that he just doesn’t know what he wants to do in life and he’s tired of everyone. He’s been complaining and distant since he got his new job. When he would come home from work to FaceTime me he wouldn’t seem excited or happy. He would be cranky. He started deleting everything on his social media then talked about deactivating. He asked to be friends right now then asked for space. What do I do? Do I have a chance of getting him back? Is he really just stressed?

1. 

   Chris Seiter

   November 20, 2018 at 10:00 pm

   Hi Grace!

   I know its frustrating when guys just suddenly say they need a break and are confused with what to do in life. Sometimes they are confused. And sometimes there is something else underneath the surface. Do you have my eBook? It will help. Best to have a plan for yourself and your own healing and also for ways to optimize your chances of ex recovery.

2. 

   Alissa

   November 11, 2018 at 5:19 am

   Hello. My boyfriend and I have been fighting for almost every week during the course of our relationship. What he does not like about me is when I always initiate the fighting but what I do not like about him is when he seems not to care. Like I had to initiate things like my tummy hurts on my period and he seems.. distant. The last time we fought was because I did not like the bad things I have been seeing on his messenger (he lets me open it) so I got mad and scolded him at it. It hurt me that he finally decided to call it quits on the day of our first year and third months celebration. It hurt me really bad as he told my mother how I acted as if I was his wife. He even posted something that went like: “It’s really good to be single as I have the freedom now to do what I want. I wont let myself be tied again until then. Maybe I’d rather be a sugar daddy, my forever’s must be still on kindergarten.” it really irritated me and made me cry that I only scolded him because I see something bad and I wanted him to get better at it but no, he sees it as me choking him. Anyway, he told me that If we were meant to be, we’d soon find ourselves together again but love is a choice and love is messy not all about the butterflies you have to really work ahrd for it. It also hurt me as he told me that My feelings were just shallow in the first place. And then I got to know from his friends that his past crush during right grade was his crush again. I thought I was the problem being possessive and such but it turns out that he had feelings for that girl all along. He tricked me into believing he really loved me. Although it is really funny since he ditched me for the girl that will never like him back. It’s also hard since we had a lot of common friends and we were even best friends before we became a couple. he told me we can still be friends but i don’t see myself being friend with a liar. The last blow was when he accidentally waved at my messenger and blocked me. He explained to my friends that it was just an accident and he blocked me so that I won’t ever hope again. So I ended things with the help of my friend chatting him since I could not chat him with: If you’re happy with her, i’ll just stay away from now on. I honestly do not know if I would want him again if ever I proceeded with the No contact rule even though I attempted it and would still try to contact him during the next five days then none, then three days, then not. I love him but it looks as if all the things he wanted to do with me like marriage and shit were gone. He really is also hypocrite telling my mother that I looked as if I wanted to get married right away when he was the one announcing to the entire world that we looked like husband and wife. I don’t know. I’ve always been there for him. Always waiting, and waiting. It’s so tiring. *there are also a lot of things I never said here as I am quite forgetful

1. 

   Chris Seiter

   November 11, 2018 at 7:57 pm

   I know this is hard on you. I hope you find the healing your deserve and are following an ex recovery plan to better your chances.

3. 

   Vasiliki

   October 29, 2018 at 10:14 am

   Is it too late to go on no contact 2 months after the breakup and after almost daily communication that he initiates most of the time?

1. 

   Chris Seiter

   October 30, 2018 at 2:07 am

   Hi Vasiliki!

   Probably not. But if things have been deteriorating, then its best to change course and NC may very well be the right choice. Give him a heads up as to you need to have some space and quiet time. Tap into any of the resources you find on my site to help you with this journey.

4. 

   Vasiliki

   October 29, 2018 at 10:07 am

   Hi Chris. My LDR ex broke up with me in the beginning of September. By the end of October he is taking exams for a career change. I wanted to stay on his side till then, so as he doesnt feel i played a part in his failure (if he fails).
   Initially, i did the begging and pleading, but soon after that, i started going out, taking up on cycling, martial arts, tai chi etc, presenting myself as quite busy and somehow happy in his eyes. Initially, he had told me he loved me and cared and wanted me as a woman, therefore we shouldnt meet to exchange personal stuff. But if i told him that getting back together sounds logical, he would start yelling and getting angry.
   By the beginning of October, we had a fight of this kind and i went no contact. 5 days later, he called me to see “how i am” and i told him i was busy, so, he called back at night. Ever since, i have initiated contact only 1 day or 2 but he would call me every day anyway, talking about science, history, literature.
   The fact is that after the fight, he said “i am never going to get back with you” and i told him that me neither, cause he hasnt solved his issues and he needs to work a lot on them, we hung up all angry but the next morning he asked me for a favor on work issues (we are colleagues) that he actually could arrange alone.
   Yesterday, he reminded me of my biggest mistake, i cried my heart out, i apologized, explained why it happened and for some reason he started getting irritated and told me in a very harsh tone to leave it behind me and move on. We continued nicely and he did most of the talk, as usual, so at some point, i fell asleep, as usual.
   I have to mention here that we used to sleep having Skype on and we used to talk at about 11 pm, so, sometimes, it feels like going back to our old habits, although now we do it over the phone and not Skype anymore.
   Generally, he says he sees change in me but he is afraid that the change is just “hiding the bad self in the closet and on the first pressure it will come out again”. But he has tested my patience with annoying FB behavior, even telling me he would contact his ex ex (to give her stuff back), the same ex ex that he cheated on me emotionally with at the beginning of our relationship, that led to all the rest of my mistakes; all these, i just let them go…
   He is probably schizoid, he wants to feel he is in a relationship, but the same time he doesnt want the pressure of constant togetherness. And he doesnt get jealous, he gets indifferent and moves away. Also, he doesnt chase, he has the theory that if someone wants to get away, he should let them go.
   Therefore my question is: should i go no contact after his exams? In which form? Will it bring him closer or show him that i went away and so, he will let me go? And how long of no contact? He says he is not ready for another relationship but i think that if someone hits on him, he will lay down like a puppy. Help, Chris!

5. 

   Caitlin

   October 29, 2018 at 5:24 am

   Hi Chris, I’m currently just past the 2nd week of no contact (it’s exam time so he hasn’t reached out to me yet but called two weeks ago to talk about something personal). I’m planning to do another 2 weeks (after exams are over) – but he is the one who broke up with me because he needed some space, wouldn’t being the Ungettable woman mean that I let him come to me (and don’t message him after no contact)?

   Thanks,

   Caitlin

1. 

   Chris Seiter

   October 30, 2018 at 2:09 am

   Hi Caitlin!

   The Ungettable Girl is almost always calling the shots. So if he does come to you, you lure him to you through the kind of tactics I talk about in my program.

6. 

   Sue

   October 27, 2018 at 11:26 pm

   Hi Chris,

   I have been doing NC since my ex called off the wedding and broke up with me 3 months ago. We have a home together so he still contacts me for bill payments (text msg with a photo of bill). Our birthdays are a couple weeks apart. I wished him on his and he responded with “appreciated, thank you” and on my birthday he sent me a text with “happy birthday” late in the day and I said thank you.
   Given I kinda broke the NC rule for bdays and he will text about ongoing bills, what should I consider the start of NC period? Thanks

1. 

   Chris Seiter

   October 28, 2018 at 4:21 am

   Hi Sue!

   I sorry he called off the wedding. Your NC has kind turned into limited NC. That OK because of the financial issues that have to be discussed. I get into this discussion and much more in my 247 page eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book”. There is so much more to NC than people realize.

7. 

   samantha

   October 25, 2018 at 10:28 pm

   Hi! I am doing no contact, but I sent my ex a text for his birthday just saying “I hope you had a nice birthday :)” because I felt weird not acknowledging it. He responded and said “Thank you! I appreciate it.” I didn’t respond and am continuing to employ no contact for another few weeks. Is this a good sign that he responded though?

1. 

   Chris Seiter

   October 26, 2018 at 12:20 am

   Hi Samantha!

   Well, you kinda broke NC, but its far from the end of the world. Seems like it went over well. Hang in there Samantha and remember to do things for yourself!