What Your Ex Says Vs. What They Mean- The Comprehensive Guide

909 thoughts on “What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means”

Brandi

April 16, 2019 at 2:41 pm

Hi Chris
My boyfriend and best friend if 7 years broke up with in March. We live together still. I’m moving out. He does have a new girl who he says is friend but she calls him her boy friend. We were like married to one another. He has a business I helped take care of and bought a house we both liked. Is this really over or with time and space could one day we come back together? He does say he still loves me and cares for me as a person. Just isn’t in love with me or see me romantically anymore.
Jenna

April 9, 2019 at 12:58 pm

My ex and I have been on and off for five years. It’s been a struggle to break that cycle. Too much fighting and insecurity on both our parts. I was his first girlfriend/ first love. We are broken up at the moment and he’s been acting out and getting into fights and drinking way to much. One minute he says he’s not in love with me anymore, next minute he says he still is. He also lied and said he had a new girlfriend. He says he wants to be friends but than says he wants to be more. I finally got fed up with it and I am doing NC. I feel it in my heart we will be together again. I can’t be the only one making an effort to work on things and it feels like he gave up and is confused. I am just so unsure of my next step.

Chris Seiter

April 9, 2019 at 8:56 pm

HI Jenna….so I think No Contact is the right step. Feel free to tap into my Program so you can get fully up to speed on how it all works!

Lyn

April 4, 2019 at 3:43 am

At first our breakup was a mutual breakup. We have been together for almost 8 years, have 3 children and things just were not as great. There was constant little fights, disagreements, and family not making it easier. The same day of our argument he began talking to someone else he stated and I politely asked him to leave. He did without looking back. To make this short.. I did tell him he could come back.. not once but twice but not in a begging way. He told me he felt okay to be this way, he is happy and he believes that this is the best thing for us. Remind you.. it’s been just 1 month and he instantly got into a rebound relationship because he states he had no place to go. Anyways, he spoke with one of my family members when they bumped into each other at the store and he brought up our breakup and how we should have moved away from the family a long time ago. He also mentioned that the girl he is with is nobody he just needs a place to live. He says our relationship didnt work because of my family but we planned on leaving once things settled down. He also is wondering why I am not contacting him. Like how could I after he rejected me and my attempts to let him come back, why would i try to contact him? I am just confused because when i just gave up all hope already this happens and i dont know what to think.. anything could help please.. I am currently doing the no contact rule but modified for our children.

Chris Seiter

April 4, 2019 at 10:35 pm

Hi Lynn…so, yes, NC can be modified and adapted to fit your particular situation. I wrote a book about that topic “No Contact Rule Book” (245 pages) that gets into all that and much more. 8 years is a good bit of traction, so those roots usually come back into play, helping each of you figure out a path. It sounds like he is feeling sorry for himself about you not reaching out, but as you pointed out, he initiated things. Make sure you put a lot of focus on “you”, your needs and doing things to enhance your personal value, but not for him (though he will notice”, but for you.

Alice

March 12, 2019 at 3:21 pm

What does it mean when your ex whilst breaking up with you says

“I don’t think it’s going to work”

🙁

Chris Seiter

March 12, 2019 at 8:37 pm

HI Alice…so I would pay less to everything that is said during a breakup. Often, words are incomplete or full of untruths or half truths, or poorly understood feelings. Its best to have a sensible ex recovery plan to help you through things. Check out my EBR Pro Program!

Alice

March 12, 2019 at 3:20 pm

What does it mean if a guy says during breaking up with you:

“I don’t want you to think I don’t care about you”

“I really really care about you, I just don’t love you anymore”

“I fell out of love with you”

:'(

Does he have someone else? Or was it the strain of us arranging to move in together? 🙁

Chris Seiter

March 12, 2019 at 8:38 pm

Hi again Alice! As I mentioned earlier, what matters going forward is you ex recovery plan!

Riya

January 23, 2019 at 2:17 am

I was into a relationship,when our relationship started he was too insecure.he kept saying that I will leave him as I have many boys after me and always said he is not good enough for me.. I am an Indian and he is britisher ,listening to all this thoughts I started telling him that it won’t happen..I started proving my love to him.. he don’t use to give much time because we had different time zones but in my opinion he was giving priority to Xbox and was very laid back person..I shouted on him many times because of his behaviour and even told him to break up before but he changed my mind by saying he loves me and he will change..but he broke up with me stating that it was due to constant arguments , he don’t like swearing but I didn’t believed him as he was not sure of breaking up so I kept trying to win him back..he keep changing his reason of breakup which actually puzzled me alot.. he even mentioned that he wanted me but can’t be with me by observing past ..still we talk and he wants to stay as a friend.. I cleared him that I don’t have friend feelings but most of his time he spent in talking to me and still says he don’t love me anymore but can be friends ..when I ask for the past incident that why he broke up, he avoid talking about it and mention that he want a freash start with life and not looking for any relationship for now.may be in future will have new girlfriend he even said that when I bring the past thing he hates it, he want to talk to me but not about past..I don’t understand the whole of his behaviour because more then before he spent time now in talking with me.when I say about myself dating someone, he don’t even give reaction or suddenly try to say that he is single not looking for relationship..many times he even said that I always swear and I still talk about past and blames him that makes him sure in not getting back with me.its going to be 2months to our breakup and I don’t know why he act like this..I was a person who blocked him because he hided so many things about his life which is actually small things but big for me..but I unblocked him later but he stated as I blocked him
first so now he will not unblock me.he always says he don’t know what he need to do with life anymore and he feels totally stuck up.. he even said he don’t want to upset me if he finds new girlfriend but then on the other side says he wants to stay single..I feel the reason of his breakup is totally unacceptable as he use to love me so much and not giving any one fixed reason for breakup .. even after breakup we had fight but nothing stopped us in talking we still talk.but I don’t find any way to move on.one time I think to leave him and say yes to other guys but then I feel like asking him why he did or doing this ? Atlast I don’t get any option except swearing on him cause he seems to be not honest with answers.can you help me out what can be this ? What I can analyse?why he is puzzled mind what he is thinking though? He even said he have mental depression and overthinking problem so I care for him in that condition he admire my caring attitude but I don’t get what he wants ??

Chris Seiter

January 23, 2019 at 11:58 pm

Hi Riya!

So I see there is a lot going on here. Your ex seems to want to avoid commitment. Perhaps you try implementing no contact as that can create an awakening in many ways for you both. Visit my home page of site to learn about the resources and tools available to you!

Cindy

November 29, 2018 at 7:51 am

Hello Chris,

Thank you for your valuable insight and funny jokes in my moments of darkness! You and your words and memes have really helped to lift me up. Right now- I’m so confused and really need your help! I thought I was doing well until today and I really don’t know what to do! I had been doing no contact for 60 days, during which my ex has been trying to communicate with me via my mum and liking my Facebook photos. Recently, a guy I have been starting to date posted photos of me with sweet comments. My ex even liked the photos and sent me an email saying he hoped I was ok a few weeks ago. I ignored it. The guy I’m dating said he tried to add him as a friend. A few days ago my ex sent me another email saying he loves me always and that he misses me. It made me cry but I ignored it until yesterday as I felt compelled to email him back (since it was my fault we broke up because I cheated on him, which I totally regret and tried to do everything I could to make things right to the extent of resigning from my job and moving back to the same country so we could work things out. However he told me his heart wasn’t in the relationship anymore and was seeing someone else). In my email I told him I feel exactly the same, thanked him for all the good memories, apologised for my mistakes, wished him the best and attached a funny photo with an inside joke. He replied this morning and told me he still loves me more than anyone in the world and that he tried to forgive but couldn’t forget what I did and didn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who could hurt him. He said he hopes we could remain friends and that he is happy and glad I moved on but then told me to be careful as the guy I’m dating seems like a player! Now I don’t know what to do! I still love him so much and despite my best efforts, I cannot fully move on because I really did put my heart and soul into our relationship. He was my first love, we were together for 14 years and engaged to be married until I betrayed him. Please help me. I know he doesn’t want a future with me as he has told me many times. I tried my best to make it work but he just wanted a friends with benefits situation with me and see other girls too. That is why I had to do no contact but now, I’m back to square one again. What does he really mean? He told me that he told his new girlfriend that he still loves me then a few weeks later he told my mum that he had split up with this girl. He told her that he still loves me dearly and wants me to be a part of his life still. What should I do? I don’t want to just be friends. I want to either make it work or just move on.
Kennie

November 26, 2018 at 10:32 am

Hi Chris
Reading your post because the guy I’ve been talking to for the past month told me he doesn’t want to talkin to me anymore.
It started so good we met at a bar, we hung out a lot had a lot of fun together I could tell he was falling for me even he told me he was. Than one night I was drunk n we got into an argument leading us to not talk for a week. The weekend comes around and hes at the bar the same bar we met at (I go to dance) I had been drinking. He had his friends watch me the whole night, he acted like he didnt know me, but keeps walking past me at one point touching my waiste. As I was leaving they were all in the parking garage were we both had parked. I was walking to my car where they ssen me and started whistling at me. I didn’t turn around I kept walking. I was so angry so upset and so drunk.
I got home n deside to txt him and ask him why he did that. But not in a very nice way. I was so mean and hurtful to him. I blocked him on everything. Than I msg him talking about his small penis just to hurt him how I was hurting. (Yes I regret everything I said that night but I cant take it back now) I told him he was a bitch (keep in mind hes from Saudi Arabia so he doesn’t always get my linguo) so he blocked me from being able to call him.

So the next night i call him on my best friends phone to apologize because I feel like a pos. He answers and we talk for 15 mins. He keeps telling me he wants nothing to do with me leave him alone he changes his mind about me I broke his heart. He never cared about me the whole time we talked he was drunk yes for the whole month he was drunk lol (not) kept saying he was going to report me but kept talking to me. I asked him why give me a reason he said he has no reason just he doesnt want to talk to me. I could hear the hurt in his voice. But he wouldn’t hang up on me. So I just txt him n let him know how I feel and how sorry I really am.

Can you give me some insite on what this means ? What I should do? Does he really mean what he says! ? Ik what i did was so wrong but i want him to talk to me again.

Chris Seiter

November 26, 2018 at 11:07 pm

Hi Kennie…..some guys will do and so hurtful things. But sometimes they don’t always know what they want. They are sometimes talking through their pain.

Have you considered the merits of the No Contact Principle as it seems like communications are getting toxic.
Chris Seiter

November 26, 2018 at 11:07 pm

Hi Kennie…..some guys will do and so hurtful things. But sometimes they don’t always know what they want. They are sometimes talking through their pain.

Have you considered the merits of the No Contact Principle as it seems like communications are getting toxic.

D

November 18, 2018 at 7:47 am

Hi Chris, my name is D. My ex broke up with me about a month and a half ago. We were together for a month but if felt like it was longer. I practically lived with him and we had a deep comunication, we spent almost everyday together he helped me with part of my transitioning to adult hood. We are both 18 by the way. I am doing some of the crazy ex stuff (texting him everyday) I’m trying to have some self control but it’s hard. I miss him and I still love him. He told me he would never love me and he said he knows what it’s like to be in my position of unrequited love. We always talked through things just one day he said he didn’t feel the same anymore. He didn’t even given a valid reason to why he broke up with me other than he (fell out of love). Well I see him at school and I know we still l have that attraction feeling. He gets mad and annoyed with me a lot. He also didn’t even want a hug from me. It’s really awkward to seen him at school I just wish things would go back to the way they were. What do you get from this. He also analyzes everything all the time. He has a verry black or white mind set.

Chris Seiter

November 18, 2018 at 7:29 pm

I understand D….a lot of guys can be pig headed where everything is black and white, but it could be his immaturity talking.

Stacey

November 15, 2018 at 9:49 am

Hi Chris,

I’m still confused about my ex of 13yrs. He’s in (I’m hoping a rebound) his appearance isn’t too good nowadays but when living with me he always looked smart and people have noticed his appearance has gone downhill too.
Told him about this because obviously I still love him and want him back and said you wasn’t like this when we were together (I initiated the break up) his reply was “yes I know I wasn’t but it’s what you call being depressed and not coping because I’m not seeing the kids ”
But the thing is, he is seeing the kids (ok not everyday but he’s still seeing them weekly)
People have said “it’s because he’s not coping of losing you and he doesn’t want to admit it because that will be damaging his ego so to speak because he is seeing the kids and he’s only using the kids as an excuse because he doesn’t want to tell you the truth and this girl is just a safelty blanket at the moment because he has no one and is still hurting over you as you can see by his actions”

He says it’s not going to be lasting long with this girl and he doesn’t love her and she’s strange.
When he’s asked at the drop of a hat to see the kids and I’ve already made plans I have (I know I shouldnt) said to see if his gfriend is free and do something with her. His reply “why the fu$k would I want to go and sit with her? I don’t want to fu$king sit with her no way! Im not arsed about her”
Surely if he really wanted to be with her he wouldn’t speak of her in that way. Especially to me. He’s said a few other not nice things about her too
When I’ve kissed him he’s pucked his lips back up to me. Again, surely if he didn’t want to he’d say no or definitely not puck his lips up.
He got so jealous when I told him the other day that I’ve been speaking to someone. You only get jealous if you still had feelings for that person or wasn’t over them, right? Because if you had truly moved on, you wouldn’t get jealous it’s as simple as that. That’s what I think.

From your opinion in a nutshell because know you are busy with other clients, but what does what I’ve said in this whole message sound like to you? I’m just so confused.
Do you hear of this and then hear they have got back togetger?
Just hoping 13yrs and kids is enough for him.
I know I have truly hurt him by ending our rship and I just hope he’s not too stubborn to not reconcile with me.
He’s obviously not happy plus, when you meet someone new you make sure your appearance is up to scratch don’t you? So again, correct me if I’m wrong, but he obviously can’t be too bothered about her if he’s not bothered what he’s looking like.

Thank you for reading
Sophia

November 7, 2018 at 12:54 pm

Hi my ex and I both stopped contact approx 2 years ago. I thought about him heaps I even moved on as well but can’t get him out of my head. I new there wouldn’t be a chance he was single as he was a very good looking guy and always reminded me of his options. Anyway I contacted him via text he replied asking all these questions and I told him I am very happy and he made it out he was happy for me. He asked me why I contacted him after all this time and I said that he was someone I liked genuinely and he replied that we can still be friends. everything from there he says is cold and sarcastic. I text him a joke and called him once but he never replied or answered. It’s been 2 days now is it over for good?

Chris Seiter

November 8, 2018 at 3:09 am

Hi Sophia!

No necessarily over. Wait a spell longer, then revisit. The Texting Bible eBook has a ton of examples so consider that resource.

Nady

November 6, 2018 at 6:25 am

Hi Chris,

Thanks a lot for making me me feel motivated after a week of break up. Im on 4th day of no contact. I had a long distance relationship. Prior the break up, he had been ignoring for a week, no text at all. i tried to contact him and asked politely of what was really happening. He finally replied and said he’s not sure of wanting me and dont want to be in a relationship with me anymore. I was shocked, and devastated. and didnt reply him anything. Then i straight away applied the no contact rule, and today is my 4th day. I would like to seek your opinion, does he really meant it? Fyi, since the day of the break up he still keeps viewing my whatsapp status without fail. Im just confused.

Thanks.

Chris Seiter

November 6, 2018 at 10:46 pm

Hi Nady!

Good job with getting the NC underway. Remember, the focus of this time should be about your healing and recovery and doing things for “you”. Guys often say mean and cruel things in the heat of emotions. Just stick with your plan and use my 485 page Guide (Pro) as your blueprint.

Naomi

October 19, 2018 at 1:58 pm

My guy and me had a fight about something silly. He left my place. I texted him and said he misunderstood my comment but he didn’t want to hear it. He said I was trying to justify. Long story short, he told me to go away and stop bothering him. I said ok. It’s been 3 days not being in touch. What should I do?

Chris Seiter

October 19, 2018 at 10:40 pm

Hi Naomi!

It a shame so many fights usually start over something silly or small. None of us are spared. Its human nature and emotions can swing quickly in one direction. So giving each other space is probably a good thing. Take a look at picking up one of my eBooks so you are up to speed and have a sensible ex recovery program to follow!

Natasha Pratt

October 19, 2018 at 3:59 am

Hi Chris.

I was on the nc and because of our baby i broke contact. In this conversation my ex had assumed what he thought i wanted so i asked him what he wanted. His answer was i dont know. It makes me feel like he has someone else. We have been in ldr for 9 months now so it has been tough. But 2 weeks ago he told me its over. So i started the nc rule. Was tough. Imconfused with his response.

Chris Seiter

October 19, 2018 at 10:46 pm

Hi Natasha!

Make sure you use NC for yourself to heal and do things nice and special for yourself. I wrote a book about the NC process and how you can get the most out of it. Its called, “The No Contact Rule Book”. Go to my home page to check it out if you wish.

AM

October 11, 2018 at 2:26 pm

Hi Chris,

First of all, thank you for your response. It’s true, but my head tells me to give up and move on but my heart says the complete opposite. So I asked for your help because I do not really know if I’m just scared of losing my ex for once and being too needy and insecure to move on, or, if there’s still any chance of rekindling feelings with him and getting him to chase me, not the opposite?! Is there an eBook that can help me?

Once again, Thank you for your attention! 😉

Chris Seiter

October 12, 2018 at 3:08 am

You should take a look at my home page as I have several eBooks you may be interested in.

AM

October 11, 2018 at 2:50 am

Hi Cris,
I am feeling frustrated and heartbroken because I still have feelings for my ex boyfriend, but I feel that he is moving on and that this time there´s no going back. And honestly I don´t know what to do anymore because it leaves me confused. I have been looking for help through various websites, but my story ends up having lots of ups and downs, so I end up getting no concrete answer. So when I found your page and saw that the comments were being corresponded, I decided to take the risk and ask for your opinion. My story started eight years ago, and initially we started out as schoolmates, and he fell in love with me, but at the time I only saw him as a friend and after a while I even started dating a friend of ours. This dating lasted a year and a half, but the last half year things were not well. However, I began to notice him more because we remain friends, but we were no longer from the same class, and I began to miss the attention he gave me. Until one day I was already separated from my boyfriend at the time, and we began to speak for messages. And it was then, that I realized that he still liked me, and one thing leads to another and we started dating. We still dated for about a year and a half. But then we never went back to being what we were. We spent several years in a relationship of friendship / dating, one and off. Until 2 years ago we got tired and i thought it was over for real. But after about 6 months, he contacted me again and started talking as if nothing had happened. But in that period, I started attending a gym, where I met new people, and I started having a crush on a boy who initially gave me a signal of interest, but it turned out to be nothing. And when he sent me that message, I did not think about him that much, but I was surprised and wondered why he was contacting me again. And this has already happened at the beginning of last year. Then we were talking, but it was always him who started the conversation, and I responded naturally, without revealing any kind of emotion. Until one day, he suggests that we come out again, to catch up. It went well, and even went back out again, but then he turned to walk away. It went well, and we met again, but then he moved away again. And at the time I know I was upset and asking myself why he had come back to talk to me and show interest in being with me and then moved away again. After that, I told myself I was not going to talk to him again, that it was over.
But 2 weeks later he comes back to contact me, and then I thought, now if he really wants something, this time it will be him that will invest. And of course, he began to invest more. And it was going very well, better than I was expecting. He started inviting me out, 2 or 3 times a week, and I started to take it for granted, and when I realized, I was already starting to invite him, without giving enough space, and I ended up by starting to invite more than it should. I think I should have given him some space, but when I realized it, it was too late. He felt himself pressed down and began to move away, and I became uncertain again. And in that period, I made a reflection and realized that I was being very insecure, and that I would have been at other times too. And because of that I ended up pushing him without that intention. Then from the beginning from year to April we were still talking, but we hardly saw each other, and we ended up moving away. Later in June, I began to miss him, and how I wanted to be able to tell him the news that was happening in my life. But the heart spoke louder than reason, and I decided to ask him if he would ever come back to me as friends, but if he wanted to continue as we were, that was fine too. And at the time, he said yes but he would not promise me anything, but that his feelings did not disappear like that, and that although we were a little bit massacred, we had nothing to lose in trying.
And yet we were talking a few times through messages, and we still had two dates. And the first was good but the second somehow did not go so well. From there, he began to move away again. And maybe it could have been because he had started to ask if he was still sure of what he wanted, and so on. I showed myself insecure once more.
I say this because it’s been a month and a half now that he has not invited me to meet again. Now what makes me confused is the fact that even 2 weeks ago I told him that I liked going out with him, but I also liked him to be honest with me, and I asked him if he was going to be the man who disappears from nowhere or if he was going be the man who does what he says.

And he said that obviously he was a man of his word, if he said he wanted a re-approach, that he would do it. And he spent another week without saying anything, until Sunday came and he sends me a message asking how he was. And we still talked a little bit but there was no big investment, failing to answer me on Thursday. And on Friday it was my birthday, and I was waiting for him to wish me a happy birthday, but he did not even congratulate me. Of course I was upset, and after midnight I told him that he did not even give me the congratulations! And he has not answered me to this day. So I decided to send him a message to see if he would react.
And I said something to him, like, I did not know why he had not said anything to me on my birthday, or why he stopped responding.
He did not know if it was because he was not really interested or if he had even met someone. And that he felt some confusion from him, since he had said that he was a man of his word. But that’s okay, I’d walk away. I did not want to get close to someone who does not know or who is not sure what he wants. And that above all, I want him to be happy and I hope to still be here when he was prepared. But by then, I knew I needed someone who was completely interested because I did not want to be with someone who is not 100% sure if they want to be with me.
Only he answered me in a way that I was not expecting. He said that regarding the date of my birthday, he remembered at times of the day, but then the moment passed. And he thinks it’s actually better for each of us to continue in our own lives. See how things go. That it does not matter to be in this constant discussion of ideas that underlie our life.
And above all, he also wishes me the best of happiness and is always ready for everything, whatever comes and goes. Now my question to you (if it’s still valid) is whether I should really give up on this person and move on even though I still have feelings for him or can still hope, and I must apply the no-contact rule for a time and then try a new approach but in a different way? If so, what is the best way to do it without seeming desperate or needy?

I apologize for the “testament”, but I wanted to frame it in the best possible way so that I could understand how complicated this story is already. But if it were possible, I would like to know your opinion!

Thanks for listening;)

Chris Seiter

October 11, 2018 at 4:36 am

Thank you for sharing your thoughts AM!

I understand some guys can be so confusing. They can be so good and so bad. Have you considered any of eBooks to help you through all this?

Lauren

October 6, 2018 at 10:31 pm

Hi Chris,
Me and my boyfriend of 2.5 years broke up 3 weeks ago. He broke up with me because he said there were many reasons, mainly that he couldn’t deal with me anymore apparently due to me having low confidence and him being very grumpy and me stressing him out. Cut long story short and without going into every detail, we didn’t speak for roughly 10 days, I gave him the silent treatment and he didn’t bother to make contact with me either. After 10 days I made contact and he said he still loves me and it’s hurting him but he could never go back (he’s so stubborn) I left it for a while and then a week or so later I went round to his to pick up some stuff, he was in and was very nice to me. We kissed and cuddled and I cried and we spoke for the first time since we broke up. But he still said there was absolutely no way we can get back together, even tho I was doing everything in my power to pursuade him that we could be amazing if we just took away the things that broke us in the first place but he’s still not having any of it!! I sent him a really nice text to say good luck and that I respect his decision and to say goodbye and he just replied with something like goodbye sorry my decision isn’t changing but you know my reasons. He’s very stubborn so does this mean he’s gone for good? He did say he still loves me and misses me and is finding it hard? Does he just need space or does he mean what he says and won’t ever come back? He’s a very quiet man who rarely goes out, mainly just plays PS4 and goes to the pub occasionally with one or two of his guy mates who are both engaged with long term relationships so I don’t believe he would move on very easily but I don’t get it I’m so confused!! Help me 🙁

Chris Seiter

October 7, 2018 at 3:29 am

Hi Lauren!

Well, you guys have 2.5 years together and some roots are laid down and that can be helpful. Give him some space and let’s see if he changes his tune.

Sarah

October 3, 2018 at 7:11 pm

What if your ex says it was his biggest mistake to start any kind of relationship…and says i don’t trust you…

Chris Seiter

October 5, 2018 at 2:23 am

Well guys say all kinds of things…often bloated up due to emotions. You know the truth. Seems like no contact would be helpful to you both.

Katherine

August 15, 2018 at 6:42 pm

Hi Chris,

So I’m new at your site and I’ve been reading your articles (which I absolutely looooove, by the way) anyway, so me and my ex broke up a month ago and we were together for a year and 3 months. He said he needed to fix himself and it wasn’t working out. Obviously, I made the mistake of trying to talk him out of it and failed. And he agreed on this ultimatum that if by December we were both still single, we could maybe try again. He kept insisting he’d have a girlfriend by then. Anyway during week 1, I came over and got my things but it got too late to come home and I slept over. We slept together. We both ended up regretting it. The same happened during the second week. But he said he didn’t regret it anymore. By the third week, we were gonna see a movie together and he insists on me still sleeping over. He was really sweet with me, it was just like before. He said that it was just like our old relationship, minus the label and communication. By week 4, the sweetness continued and he’s been saying he loves me and constantly kissing me and cuddling me up at night and we laugh a lot. It’s been amazing, but as usual, I tried to him about what were we and he shut down again. And eventually we agreed to break off the ultimatum of December. And he said that communication has been our main problem (because we were in a long distance relationship). He agreed that our label was that we were dating but we can still see other people. He actually let me stay over at his place for an entire week tho with being sweet to me and all. Then recently, we talked over alcohol and he told he his “iloveyou” s were only as a friend and he’s not that attracted to me anymore sexually that much and he wants to have sex with other women and he doesn’t want monogamy anymore and he just doesn’t want anything serious for quite some time. It really stung when he said that but I’m proud of the fact i didn’t break down, i was even laughing when he said those and putting in some jokes. But i need your help, is it too late or risky to start no contact? And why is he being so hot and cold with his actions? I don’t know what he means and what he doesnt. He said he just really wants to be friends and he doesn’t want this to work anymore. Please help me, thank you.

Chris Seiter

August 17, 2018 at 2:36 pm

Hi Katherine…your ex seems to have an immature or selfish view of relationships. Maybe he just said some stupid things and will soon realize the error of his ways. I think you should employ no contact. Go pick up my eBook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” and check out the other tools and resources on my home page as they will help direct you.

Jess

August 11, 2018 at 11:08 pm

Hello! My situation is very different; my ex and I dated in high school for nearly a year 2.5 years ago. When he broke up with me I was heartbroken, and made some desperate attempts to talk about what had happened, but he “just wanted to be friends.” He dated another girl a few months later, then left on a two-year religious mission. About two months into his trip, he sought out my email and began talking to me again. He broke up with the other girl and apologized for his behavior when our relationship ended. For the next two years we were in as close of contact as possible, emailing and sharing photos once a week, and he even reminisced about the great times we’d had when we were together. He also made future plans for things we’d do when he returned and trips he’d take to see me at college. He never said he wanted to be in a relationship again, but it got my hopes up. He returned nearly a month ago. Initially, he seemed very happy to see me. He brought me a gift from his mission and immediately began texting me when he got a phone. I spent two casual evenings with him, playing sports and talking. Each time he’d say he’d had a great time and we should do it again. I was really happy, I’d missed him! However, contact has dropped. We don’t maintain conversation over text, and I haven’t seen him in about two weeks. A mutual friend ran into him and (unbeknownst to me) asked him what was going on between us, and he replied that he doesn’t feel “that way” about me anymore, that we’re friends. He will go to college in a few weeks, and I’m frustrated that I’ve messed up the two years of progress we’d made in the short time he has been home. Maybe he was just lonely while he was away? I don’t expect him to suddenly ask me for a long-distance committed relationship or anything, but I’d like the door to be open. I think it’s good for us to be going on dates with new people, but I want to be in the back of his mind like he is in mine. I can’t decide if I should sit down and talk with him about the situation and ask his expectations (and likely get completely shut down), or if I should continue trying to work on it.

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