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angie
March 25, 2016 at 9:02 am
hi. me and my exboyfriend (3years together) broke up 3 months ago so that was on january. he have a lot of excuses like he want to focus on his career, and his not ready. then after a month he stalk me on facebook and saw some pictures that made him jealous and mad i guess cause its a picture of me and a guy friend. then we didnt talk for like a month. i contact him and beg to talk to me so i end up going to his place then. then you know what happens next we did the thing. after that he told me the same thing again that he dont want relationship yet and want to focus on his career and saying that he dont trust me anymore because of the picture. so he thinks that there’s something between me and my friend which is not true. and that picture is group picture. i dont know know whats happening with him. i dont know if he just want to make me feel guilty or what. now he block me on messenger and ufriended me on facebook by the way he is a seafarer. he’ll be back after 6 months. dont know what to do.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 2, 2016 at 12:43 pm
HI Angie,
I hate to say it but you appeared too easy for him when you slept together. And maybe he’s just making that picture as an excuse to cut loose with you..
CH
March 18, 2016 at 2:43 am
Hi,
I wish I read this before. My ex and I were happy, of course we had our fights here and there but for the most part we were happy a whole year and a half. Broke up with me because of miscommunication, we are both at fault. Blocked me on absolutely everything, but I do know he is reading emails his best friend told my best friend. I told myself I will not contact him, but it is hard. I would love to get back with him but if he doesn’t want that then I would love closure. He just yelled it was over on the phone and hung up (he was really mad). I have sent his a dozen emails saying to just give me closure if anything. But, no reply. I asked his best friend if I was wasting my time and he said he thinks so. Should I just stop trying to contact him and try and move on with my life?
BTW an unknown caller called me last night and I kept saying “hello” and no answer, but they were still on the line.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 19, 2016 at 8:39 am
Hi Ch,
if you want give him time, even if it’s just for closure.. he may angry now to talk to you..so give him space..
If he’s te unknown caller then that’s good but still give him space
Rissa
March 16, 2016 at 2:26 pm
Hiya Chris i have a little bit of a unique situation,
my ex got in touch via email 6 months ago telling m he still wanted me in his life somehow, it took me 3 months to finally message him back,(we have been on and off for 5 years ) we was all talking fine then i noticed he was playing games to test for my reaction, he put up a picture on whatsapp with another girl because i did not respond for 5 days, (in the past i jumped to conclusions and i am battling that mentality), however i asked him if he was seeing someone we was supposed to meet up, he did not respond so i blocked him on whatsapp for two weeks and went no contact for 6 weeks, i finally messaged him and he seemed eager to know who i was talking to and where i disappeared too, he then kept asking if i was still single and he pulled the i am seeing someone card, so i said if your seeing someone i chose not to be involved with you, i am no option, and asked what did he want from me, and if he is seeing someone that was his last chance with me, he then said” your starting to irritate me now and that he was just testing me for my reaction to see if i do care, i am not seeing anyone but i wanted to test you so now it will feel good when i block you”, he then blocked me,
a week later i messaged him asking if i could talk to him he then said talk about what,
i have apologized and said that i do care etc, but no response its been two days and i am thinking of going into no contact for 40 days even if it means ignoring him, what are your thoughts on this one
Rissa
March 19, 2016 at 4:01 pm
I think you are right, i think he was hurt because he felt i didnt trust him, i apologised and he said thanks i just said do you not want me in your life am going to leave it at that, i think his ego was insulted and hes insecure about my disappearence his response when i came back was who have you been talking to and where did you disappear too, if he didnt care he wouldnt have replied i definatly think his ego is hurt and that he is trying to get back at me! Thank you for your help!:)
Rissa
March 17, 2016 at 6:07 pm
We have been split for a year, i wantef to know why he would block me do you thinl he is insecure and angry? If he didnt care he wouldnt be so angry right?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 19, 2016 at 1:28 am
he can be but he can also be just copying what you were doing to get even
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 16, 2016 at 11:52 pm
Hi Rissa,
Yeah, it’s better if you do that but this time asses why you have been on and off because from what I see, it has been a pattern of going nc and then talking, then fighting then going nc again
GX
March 14, 2016 at 7:46 pm
Hi! My love broke up with me last week. I know its out of frustration. plus we had fought on issues and he had brought up the fight deliberately. i guess he just made an excuse to block me on chatting app. Moreover this is not the first time he is doing this. he did it 8 months ago as well and i did NC ( i hadnt known about it back then ) and after 2 months i contacted him and then he was begging me to give him a second chance. ( he had broken up earlier and i had begged him like a mad person and he pulled back even further). I am so depressed that he is doing it the second time. I havent contacted him since then. i also got to know he is stalking me on that chat app ( he has blocked me there and i have uninstalled that app). I have gone completely out of online media( FB, Whatsapp etc ). He said he realised his mistake last time and again he is repeating it. I want him but i want him to never hurt me again like this and just go away whenever he feels frustrated !
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 15, 2016 at 1:27 pm
HI Gx,
Well, you have to be firm on your standards. If he decides to come back he has to work for it because the more he works for you, the more he treasures you.
Caroline
March 14, 2016 at 11:28 am
I am 19, my ex is 19, we dated for a year (happily). We had a fight that lead to a break up. The reason of our break up was that we were spending too much time together and were getting sick of each other. After the break up, my ex boyfriend blocked me on all social media. Two weeks later, so yesterday, he unblocked me, but did not add me as a friend. I’m trying to figure out what is going on. I have been a champ at no contact! My question is, what do I do now that I have been unblocked and does this mean he will reach out to me/is missing me? (crossing my fingers)
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 15, 2016 at 12:18 pm
Hi Caroline,
If you’re still in no contact don’t reach out. And besides reaching out right ahead will give him the impression that you’re just waiting for him to unblock you..and we don’t know if he will be annoyed or relieved with that.
Marian
March 12, 2016 at 5:35 pm
Hi amor,
Im sharing my experience and i wanted to seek advice and help.
I have been in a relationship with a Saudi guy,im working here in Saudi. Things are really nice with us. His always there for me specially when I discovered i have breast cancer. But his not regularly visiting me and were not always seeing each other. Were just having videocall in wechat, one day i told him i really wanted to see him and asked him to pick me up and he said he doesnt like then i ended the call and told him i dont want to see him and his free. But i still message him and i tried my best to talk to him but he didnt ever replied, i tried calling him but after several attempt he blocked on his phone. But he didnt block me on wechat. He doesnt have facebook by the way. Then when i tried to reach him through my friend he blocked her also. Just today i tried to contact him by instagram through post bcoz his not reading my private message but then he blocked me there.. What should i do? I tried the NC. But im always finding myself messaging him in wechat.. Please help me. Thanks
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 13, 2016 at 5:27 am
Hi Marian,
you have to be strong.. because the more you message him, the more he gets annoyed and goes away.. It’s also not healthy for you.. I know it’s harf but focus on the things or people that will help you get better and happier..
Daisy
March 11, 2016 at 10:30 pm
Hi Chris & Amor,
I commented on another article about how my ex came back and then kept me as an option while he tried to get into an LDR with his ex from college. Well, after a while he contacted me and we met up in a group of friends. We made out, and I told him to seriously consider everything and if he wants us to make it work or not. 2 weeks later, he says he has made a decision and we were planning to meet up in person after he gets back from a trip.
Well the next day, he texts me trying to pick a fight with me. I told him I wasn’t going to do this in texts with him, and to enjoy the concert he was at with his friends instead of trying to pick a fight with me. He then says “Maybe you should lose my number,” which is funny because he has initiated every conversation since we got back in touch, and I have never once been a text gnat or called him repeatedly. Anyway, I didn’t respond to that. And now today he has blocked me on Facebook, where we never really interacted. What gives?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 12, 2016 at 1:26 pm
He’s acting out of anger.. so,just let him be for now..
J tiggs
March 9, 2016 at 3:29 am
I recently blocked my ex gilfriend after she broke things off a few weeks ago. Turns out she is married and has a jealous husband. Better safe than sorry. She lied to me about her martial status.
J tiggs
March 23, 2016 at 10:54 pm
Now she has started sending emails. She says something negative trying to get me to debate back with her. I will ignore those and not give a response. Because I know the pattern, fight, make up and then lure me back into a unsafe relationship that puts both of our lives in danger by her husband.
J tiggs
March 13, 2016 at 7:12 am
ex girlfriend has called my desk phone at work 2 times. Sent text from 2 different cellphones, and called from a restricted number. All of which I have not answered. She knows I will fall for her voice and that is why I won’t answer. How much longer do you think she will pester me before she gives up ? What other behavior should I expect, she is bipolar ? I don’t want to be gunned down by her jealous husband.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 13, 2016 at 8:06 am
Just keep ignoring her.. maybe in a few weeks, she will stop
Sara
March 8, 2016 at 10:54 am
Hi, My boyfriend dumped me one month ago. And after that day, I decided to do NC to heal myself and start moving on. Within one month no one tries to reach out or ask each other’s feelings.
Yesterday, I just found out that he blocked me on WhatsApp ONLY. That action confused me like why he needs to do that?
I am not even chasing, begging or bothering him. Does he hates me? Why he just blocked me after a month and left us friends in other social apps. Actually, I just pretended that nothing happened and no idea about the blocking. I just remain quiet.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 9, 2016 at 10:42 am
Hi Sara,
was what’s app your usual app where you talk to each other? if yes, that means he’s not ready to talk yet
Christina
March 7, 2016 at 7:00 pm
Hi, thank you for this article! My ex broke it off with me without really giving me a reason. Just said he wanted space and became distant. We go to the same school so I have to see him in person 1-3 times per week. So, I tried to keep it cordial (say “hi” when I saw him but otherwise leaving him alone). When he initially stopped talking to me I did ask him what was wrong, and he only gave me vague answers like “I want my space” and “I’m keeping my distance and you should too” and “It will always be professional.” I took this as a sign to let go and move on. Didn’t contact him beyond only saying “hi” in person for three weeks. Things were really awkward whenever I saw him in person (he wouldn’t even make eye contact) and I thought this was because he thought I still wanted to get back together. So, last Thursday I told him I had “let it go.” It was my (poor) attempt to take the edge off. He responded by refusing to even acknowledge my presence at school for the rest of the day and then blocking me on fb that night. I don’t know if he blocked me on his phone too, though I followed your rule of sending a classy text before starting the 30-day NC. I think he blocked me for a combination of reasons: he knew it would hurt me, and it was too painful to see me online. At the same time, why would he block me when I hadn’t talked with him in three weeks, he was the one who stopped talking to me, and I did what he wanted by moving on? Basically I did what he wanted, so why would he get upset? This message probably sounds like I haven’t moved on, but I think the block sort of re-opened the wound if that makes sense. All I’ve wanted is to be cordial in person since I have to see him on a regular basis.
Christina
March 11, 2016 at 10:16 pm
I was thinking of breaking NC 30 days after March 5 since I wasn’t really doing NC before then.
Thank you for all your thoughts, I truly appreciate it!!
Christina
March 11, 2016 at 3:12 am
Hi again! Good to hear you agree with my thoughts on this one. 🙂
After the 30 days, do you think I should text him to break NC or talk to him at school? I often get better responses from him in person, but I can see how talking to him in person would be too assertive…
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 11, 2016 at 11:02 am
do you mean you aim 45 days and then you’re going to break it at 30 days? That’s okay.. you could start slowly in person..usually you can do a casual smile when you bump with each other
Christina
March 11, 2016 at 1:10 am
Hi Amor,
Thanks for your thoughts! That makes a lot of sense, but I want to round out the timeline for you…
*Week of Feb 1: He started actively avoiding me.
*Feb 9: I talked with him and told him that I had a lot of family drama going on and asked him to please make my life easier and stop actively avoiding me at school. Basically told him he was making my life harder by actively avoiding me. He agreed to as much but would only say hi to me if I said hi to him, and otherwise avoid me/not make eye contact.
*Feb 12 was the last time I texted him/talked besides saying hi or having very brief conversations at school. I didn’t view the next couple of weeks as NC because I hadn’t read your website yet. I probably would have avoided him a little more at school if I had viewed myself as being in NC.
*March 3 I told him I had let go, and he blocked me on fb that night. I’ve since determined he didn’t block me on his phone (because he’s texted me).
*March 5 I sent my classy text and started NC after reading your website.
This said, I feel like it would have been hard for him to think I was moving on considering that he knew he was doing a “favor” to me by saying hi to me. Does that make sense? I think his ego liked that he thought I was still into him, and that his ego got bruised when I told him I was moving on.
All I’ve wanted through this is to be cordial again because we HAVE to see each other 2-3 times a week. When I tried to talk with him on March 3 I just wanted to release some of the tension between us. I thought maybe he would feel less awkward if he didn’t feel the need to do me a “favor” anymore, but all I managed to accomplish was to make it worse. I wouldn’t have reached out to him if I didn’t have to see him on a regular basis. Prior to March 3, I was treating him like I treat everybody else at our school, and I just want him to do the same.
My other question is do you think I should text him to break the NC or talk in person? I feel as though (usually) I get a better response from him in person. It wouldn’t be like I’m stalking to talk in person since we’re around each other anyway.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 11, 2016 at 1:56 am
Thank you for taking the time to elaborate 🙂 I think you’re right..he’s ego was hurt.. he loved that you’re were kind of chasing him..
if that’s the case, nc is good to establish fairness..would you rather him talk to you out of a favor instead of him really wanting to talk to you?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 8, 2016 at 3:36 pm
Hi Christina,
do you mean during the weeks that you said hi only, that was during nc?
He blocked you because when you said you had let go, it translated to him that you weren’t.. That you eere just saying that to let him believe it.. because if you really had let go, you would’t talk to him
Mar
March 7, 2016 at 8:43 am
Hello. I am following your advice on No Contact Rule. I’m still on my 7th day. However, before I even watched your videos, I already blocked my ex from Facebook and from our office Skype. We don’t really work in the same team together. We just work on the same company/building but on different floors. Should I unblock him in our office Skype? I’m wondering if I should unblock him in advance on our office Skype messenger. If I do that though, it would give out a notification to him that I’m online and he might think I’m seeking his attention or that I want him to ping me. However, I’m also wondering if unblocking him later after the no contact might be awkward for him. When is the best time to unblock him? Now or after the no contact rule? Can’t seem to find the answer anywhere. Thanks so much.
Tamara
March 6, 2016 at 2:26 am
I’m on day 27 of 30 day no contact. My ex has been messaging me but I haven’t responded to him. In fact, I’ve been following all the rules! Today he sent me a message (asked how I was doing) and then immediately blocked me from Twitter and unfriended me on Facebook.
Since I’m in no contact, I’m not sure what to do. Do I try to reach out in three days? Or do I go longer to give him time to cool off?
Tamara
March 6, 2016 at 3:36 pm
I’m only partially blocked, I can still message him on Facebook and I’m pretty sure I could text him. Still wait?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 7, 2016 at 2:08 pm
I think it’s three days now since you were blocked and you’re also after nc right? You can try to initiate in Facebook, he may have cooled off by now..
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 6, 2016 at 8:07 am
Hi Tamara,
it’s better if you wait for him to unblock you…
LCR
March 3, 2016 at 1:22 pm
Hi Chris, can you help.
The guy I was seeing blocked me the other day. He’d come over to see me but because I was stressed we had some intimacy complications. We did have a lovely time together though and I felt we were much closer for it. Since then though he became really off and weird with me and would shut me down if I tried to be flirty or suggest he come over. I could tell something was wrong and asked him a few times what was up but he denied anything and just told me I was being emo and whiny then he said he was ignoring me. He’s run away before when we’ve got too close so I tried to explain my worries but he didn’t reply and then next day he’d blocked me. I whatsapped him to ask if he had and he blocked me there too. I’ve since sent him a long email explaining how I feel but he’s not replied. I’ve not contacted him since.
I know I was probably overly worried and in hindsight should have just left it because that’s what’s annoyed him but I really care about him and I was worried he was freaking out about something. Do you think he’ll unblock me or should I just forget it and move on?
LCR
March 3, 2016 at 2:55 pm
Thanks Amor. I’ll do that. I still have to see him all the time at work. Any advice on how to get by with that?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 4, 2016 at 4:15 am
Just maintain on being distant during nc… and only talk when necessary..of he approaches you and starts a small talk, just answer with one words politely and excuse yourself
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 3, 2016 at 2:32 pm
Hi Lcr,
commonly they unblock after 2-3 weeks of no contact… so do that and while in no contact, make those daya all for you only.. try to find other things that would make you happy
Dora
March 3, 2016 at 11:43 am
Hi Chris/Amore! So my ex blocked me almost 4 weeks ago, Ive been doing NC for almost 3 weeks now!!! (its been so so so so hard to not make contact)….. he unblocked me this morning but did not make any contact. is he thinking about me? must I keep up with the NC? you guys are SO good! and I have to admit NC is the way to go… Im not where I should be but I’m getting better everyday! if I can do it so can everyone else here, as I’m taking first prize for being a Gnat AND insecure! Thanks EBR team, you guys are the best & the most !!
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 3, 2016 at 2:24 pm
Hi Dora,
thank you too! yes, finish nc first.. so that it won’t seem to him that you’re just waiting for him to unblock you
Natalie
February 29, 2016 at 7:13 pm
Hi Amor,
I’m so sorry this is going to be REALLY long!
My husband didn’t say I can’t move on here’s the full extended scenario:
He leaves me & baby, he tells me while staying at a friends he’s getting his own place, I get a message from a friend showing pictures where he’s calling the girl t(I’ll refer to her as the OW) he had an off/on cheating thing “bae” on SnapChat (SC) he blocks me and my friend from SC & Facebook (FB).. He added her they went crazy posing all kinds of stuff on there making it obvious they’re together… I tell his mom to pray for us thinking she’d keep it a secret through all our other problems it was always my fault in her eyes… she told the WHOLE family, they’re not happy with him.. He messages me saying way to go everyone is mad, he’s completely done. I meet him at his job, he says he’ll always love me but he’s not in love I know when you fall in love with someone & you still love them, you’re still in love with them.. he doesn’t get it.. anyway he comes over the next day saying he’d never want to touch me or have sleep with me again, move on I’ll find a better guy, I told him I’ll never move on he laughed in my face saying he’s not coming back doesn’t want to be my husband because I’m stagnant with affection we’re like roommates who occasionally sleep together.. That Friday he takes the TV, most of his clothes (he still has his house key & gate key, he left his dress Army uniform, a huge Army tough box and a 5ft long Army duffle bag, all his socks, and PT gear, his night stand is full of his stuff, there’s various items around the house like a boombox that he worshiped). I made a dating profile saying I want a relationship so creeps would be all in my messages..
He comes the next week my mom got me the TV told me say it was from a friend I did, he flipped out saying another good reason we’re not together, you become miss social butterfly when I leave you do this EVERY time, I said we have a lot of problems that can be easily fixed if we talk about it, we can save our marriage we began talking, OW calls, he hurries off the phone, he touches me in my face talking about remember when I was trying to get your attention, hour later says he has to go work but we’ll talk about it, I said come over that night he text me saying he’s too tired but Friday… Well the next day he finds my dating profile he said me a message about the TV.. I wrote back asking what is wrong he just said I’m funny. I called asking what was funny, he had this laugh he gets when he’s upset saying what I say and do don’t always add up but we’d talk Friday. I took my pictures down, he messaged me the next day saying you’re saving all the good pictures I text him asking what was wrong with him.. He said you said you’ll never move on if we divorced look at you your profile said you want a relationship I told him why I did that he said you know they have an option for friends right, I reminded him you know how many men are creeps when you want to be just friends.. He said I don’t believe you, I gave him my password, but he was so upset that he said I don’t trust you when I said I wish I was here to show you my phone messages & my profile, he says the delete button is a thing, I told him I gave you my dating profile login, he asked so are you looking for anyone I said NO but why does it matter when he has OW he said it doesn’t it’s the principal.. He comes that Friday he’s all on his phone texting and laughing so I told him I was going out side he got mad wanted to leave, I told him lets talk about what we had been texting about that went everywhere he said he wanted to keep the baby overnight I told him so long as OW isn’t there he said he’s ok with that.. the night ended with him saying he can’t trust me because of a dating profile & a TV, He refused to love me his heart doesn’t think I’ll change.. he messaged me the next day I cut the conversation short.
Monday he called to let me know our joint account was negative because of my gym membership he was nice and that was the end of conversation.. Tuesday I message him some pictures of the baby he asked to come over I said it depends on the time he poked fun and asked if I had a hot date.. I was stern told him no I already told him that I just didn’t feel like being bothered he said he’d come at 12PM he calls to tell me he has to do something with the army so if he can come Friday. He calls saying there was a change in plans he comes barely plays with the baby staring at me asking why was I so quiet, I told him I’ve told you for years I’m just quiet I don’t have anything to say he asked if I wanted to hangout I said sure you pick when & where because all the times I picked even before now was a disaster or I wasn’t cool enough.. He asked for next Friday to go to a bar maybe bowling I said sure but I didn’t have money he said he gets paid he leaves after a while touches me all in my face says later babe I mean Nat… I went to take out the trash & the baby locks me out so I HAD to call him he comes stays for about 30 minutes touching my shoulders saying it’s ok to get locked out secret is safe with me I told him it happens more often than you think…
I text him Valentines Day he wished me Happy Valentines I asked if he wanted to meet at a bar since his plans never fell through. we went to the bar spent 20 minutes there we brought eachother drinks and he was touching my back then he touched my lower back we talked, then we went to McDonald’s till 3AM during the time at McDonald’s he was adjusting my clothes making a lot of eye contact wanted to know why I was up so late… what’s going on in the world of Donald.. hopefully we can start planning for him to take the baby over the weekend.. he said no one text him anymore his phone is dry (but that’s a lie OW is all over him very clingy).. He said he had to go pick people(AKA OW) up by 4AM.. He walked me to my car gave me his jacket I gave it back he said it was fun see me soon.. He drove off I saw his headlights were off I slowed down for him, he asked what’s up I said headlights, he seemed really distracted.. I Text him told him it was nice hope to have more moments like that he said it was fun hopefully we can.. He text me the next day asking me to give our baby a hug tell her Happy Valentines I sent a ton of pictures & said do it yourself he said he was at the movies. Pictures on SC confirmed he was with OW.. he text Monday thanking me for the pictures.. I didn’t text back Wednesday he text me didn’t ask about the baby I stop texting he then text an hour later saying he’s coming to see the baby.. never wrote back Thursday he text me ends up saying way not to text back said my bad, he said he was coming to see baby.. He comes knocks, make him wait knocks again, I let him in he says way not to text back told him there was nothing to text back to, he said I told you I was enjoying my day off from school I said sorry he said you didn’t even write back about me seeing baby, said my bad I forgot.. His mom calls I tell her he’s there she gets off the phone without telling me tell him hi.. he seems hurt.. he asked what I was doing this weekend (I remembered our plans) but I said relaxing what are you up to he said the same.. looked kind of slighted.. I’m in my phone& FB I laugh out loud he wants to know what’s funny he wants to laugh too I tell him just the way a friend says something.. we make small talk then he has to go several minutes later he touches me in the face AGAIN talking about later face. He says stop being a a punk give me a hug. I get up give him a hug he says we’re supposed to be being cool remember.
I text him at 12AM he writes back like 20 minutes later I played it off saying hi?what’s up? he said you text me I said opps accident he said oh ok I’m just laying down. I made small talk about baby he asked me to text him tomorrow so he doesn’t pass out I said he can text me have a goodnight.. He didn’t text me next day… But I get a message from a mutual friend who ask what I’m doing that weekend becomes super inappropriate he said I’m single the marriage is only paper I reminded him I honor my vows & I’m committed to them the guy didn’t text me anymore and my husband & the girl weren’t FBing eachother as much.
Monday he called me about 3 times before I picked up asking me to bring him is VA clinic ID card I told him it’d take 45 minutes he was at my house by 5-10 minutes later he knocked I waited till he knocked again to open the door I gave him the ID he checked the mail then left. Tuesday he called me I didn’t pick up and he didn’t leave a message he called again and left a voicemail saying he needed a solid hopefully that day.. then he text me to call him & called me one more time, I picked up he was asking for a $10 bill because he supposedly lost his wallet at work that Friday he told me he was coming to see the baby, he came over, he wanted a hug & he play tackled me to the couch which ended up with me standing there hugging me while I didn’t hug him back he said give me a hug I gave him a hug I sat down he sat next to me I turned on a show I like he then told me they gave him his wallet on Monday which made me upset because the day before he said he didn’t have it turns out he hurt his leg so he hadn’t really worked all that week & I was texting my friend he wanted me to talk to him asking me what was going on in the big wide world of Natalie, I kept conversation practically non existent hen he started grabbing more of his stuff saying so talk to me, I just sat there he kept looking over my back I suppose he saw what I was texting because after he fulled up a trash bag with stuff he sat down saying talk to me I didn’t talk. He had to leave for work he said well it was pleasure Mrs., Ms. Nat he was rubbing all over my face then he shook my hand saying hopefully the next time he comes over I remember that I told him to stop being on the phone when he was around so he stopped & hopefully I do the same because texting with company doesn’t make friends, well he forgot his sweater here. I had my limit I raised my daughter he went to IL for 6 months at one point “looking for work”. So I knew he couldn’t hold not seeing her for a month against me. I decided to go full blown. No contact rule..
Thursday he text me asking if he left his sweater at my place I never text back. Then I didn’t hear from him anymore well I did a STUPID thing and invited a guy I met on a dating site to my house since we talked a while, we made out and I felt guilty I didn’t think the guy was a good kisser & he was so pushy for sex when I told him I don’t do sexual things for MONTHS I told him he was lucky I even touched him. I kind of rushed him out after he tried to take me to my room to have sex. He text a little bit later saying we can do something again, I blocked him from my phone.
My husband called me the next day at about 12 noon I didn’t answer he left a voicemail saying call me when you get this then text me the same thing, he called back around 6 hours later I still didn’t answer, at about 1am his mom text me saying he text her asking me to tell me to call him I didn’t write back to her. Then today he called he didn’t leave a voicemail he text me saying I’m glad I’m not dying, then he left another text saying call me when you get this. He clearly isn’t asking for anything to do with our kid and it’s not urgent that he talks about it in a voicemail. Well he’s knocking at my door and he trying to come in but it’s dead bolted… Is the no contact rule working ??
Natalie
March 1, 2016 at 5:42 pm
So what should I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 2, 2016 at 2:37 pm
you have to try to avoid being reactive to his anger.. If he really wants to get back with you,he should be nicer.. It’s better if you’re emotionally independent from him and just be civil if he’s being angry all the time
Natalie
March 1, 2016 at 4:42 pm
I don’t know what happened yesterday I had to let him in the house because he wouldn’t go away… he came in and you could tell he was frustrated, he comes in and asking why haven’t I text him back and what was I doing all weekend he was glad he wasn’t dying because I’m the last person he’d call.. Then he said I don’t think you want to be my friend you don’t even text me about the baby I always have to text you first but you show no care for me the father of your child I care about you because I ask about you when I come to see the baby I come to see you too.. what were you doing this weekend did you have a hot date or something? I told him I was busy, he said did you have a hot date or something I said no.. Then some how we got on the topic of us and he ended up telling me that he thinks I’m super hott and sexy but he can’t be with me anymore.. He was like you made me feel like a failure as a husband then he really had to go after like 2 hours and left.. I failed and text him IDK how to show you I care and I already said we need counseling but he never wanted to go..
He said I never made the appointment so it’s my fault it doesn’t matter now he doesn’t care and I have a choice what I want to be in his life a his friend or b his baby moma I’m kind of thinking I’m not a random girl I was your wife 2.5 years before having your baby I’ll never be a baby moma I told him he doesn’t care about me because he wouldn’t have said that he said: he doesn’t give a S*** about our marriage I’ll be treated cordially but out of that he’s got nothing to say. He said he’s trying to have a good relationship with me but you make my heart we can’t be too we can’together anymore and I’ve made my decision but you’re still dwelling on it so of course it doesn’t seem like I care but I do care on 11 for our daughter and I care about you to a degree. I told him that doesn’t even make sense he said I was smart and would figure it out…
I went off told him I’m not dwelling on our marriage and why is it he’s always picking fights about us.. not me he comes over and I’m very nice to him he can’t expect me to go from wife to friend in a matter of days.. that he needs to get out his feelings because no one thinks he cares about them and he needs to do a better job for himself and the baby all he could say was ok.. I’m highly irritated and confused as to why he keeps picking fights and wanting to know about my love life if he doesn’t care
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 1, 2016 at 5:23 pm
Well, he’s jealous but he doesn’t want to commit..
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 1, 2016 at 2:32 pm
yes, it looks like it is.. judt maintain what you’re doing and being observant
Lauren
February 28, 2016 at 8:55 pm
Hello,
I have a quick question. So I decided to block my ex on everything because he had been going back and forth with me and I was tired of it. I just noticed after two days of blocking him he blocked me back. What does that mean?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 29, 2016 at 12:27 pm
Different things.. He might be hurt because you blocked him, or he’s just trying to copy you to see what you would do, or to stop himself from looking at your profile
Maria
February 28, 2016 at 9:41 am
Hey, nice website!
My situation is sick because I really feel addicted to this guy . I’ve been dating other guys but my mind is still stuck on him. He’s a sailor stationed in Italy who’s leaving in Novemeber 2016. I’m Italian, I met him last summer we had great chemistry and we started as fwb. After 2 months he wanted a relationship but I was hesitant because I felt like he was rushing and I got out of a relationship a while before I met him so I needed time to recover.
We decided to take a break. The winter came and we both realized that we missed each other so we agreed that we had to meet up after he would have come back from New Year’s holidays. He stood me up for a date saying he fell asleep . I was so mad but I still wanted to see him. We didn’t get to meet until the Superbowl. I hanged out with him and his friends.
It was like no time was passed, It was the most intense night ever and he told me “baby,sorry, I wish you were my girlfriend but I’m leaving in 7 moths “.
Then I soon realized that all I could have expected from this was fwb . We both knew I had strong feelings for him and he was driving me nuts , I was so tired of his games that I gave him an ultimatum either we had a relationship or I would have taken his “I’m not sure if I want a relationship” as a goodbye.
A week later it was Valentine’s Day and he posted about a date with this cheap stripper who’s not really his type for what I know about him. I felt humiliated and hurt . As soon as I saw this post, I texted him on fb that I was so stupid to trust him and that we were done once for all.
I deleted him from my friend’s list. He first sent me a friend request again, he texted “stop being mad stoppp” but I was hurt and I kept texting and he ignored my last message ,then blocked me.
When I realized he had blocked I felt relieved, I was like “oh finally a permanent break up and no more emotional rollercoaster”.
The day after I looked for his ” date” on facebook. She was ” in a relationship ” with him. WTF He’s only known her for a week (at the Superbowl his friends were talking about these strippers they saw the day before).
I suppose he’s in a rebound relationship because the girl is a stripper and she’s not even pretty ( I’m not jealous but it’s a matter of fact… there are girls who could make me lesbian) so I guess he’s just using her to fulfill his sexual needs and boost his ego.
It’s been two weeks since he blocked me now and I still can’t believe he could be this immature. I really cared about him and I’ve never felt more heartbroken before.
I’m keeping No Contact, I deleted his number, mail . I wonder when he will unblock him and realize that maybe our relationship should have deserved a chance.
Thanks
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 28, 2016 at 3:37 pm
Hi Maria,
it’s more likely that that relationship is not serious.. most of the time they unblock after 2-3 weeks..
Francesca
February 25, 2016 at 2:55 pm
Hello Amor,
I spoke to you a couple of weeks ago as back then I was having trouble with a guy I was seeing, who went very distant on me all of a sudden. This is very important to me as I believe he may have been the one (never had so much in common with another person and felt so relaxed with him).
I’d been seeing him for about 3 months, but we’d become very close and knew we both wanted a relationship. We met up 5 times as he lives 2 hours away, but we spoke a lot inbetween. He went from messaging me (on Facebook, as we both agreed from day 1 that texting is expensive) everyday every couple of hours or so, beginning with a good morning text every morning, to a very reduced 3 messages spanning over 2 weeks.
This was very sudden and I have no idea what caused it, although he did have some serious family issues that cropped up, which he hadn’t explained to me in detail (I wasn’t expecting him to as it was early days) and he had a lot of work on. In my eyes I didn’t pester him during this sudden distance-ness. I kept myself busy and occasionally asked if he was ok and what he was up to etc. I perhaps came across a little concerned, but to be honest, of course I was and who wouldn’t be. Anyway in response to one of my ‘Please can you just let me know you’re ok, as I’m worried’ messages (and text) (I agree that this was a little more concerning on my behalf!) he suddenly sent me an angry message saying that there was a real reason he had been out of contact and I either need to calm down or not bother messaging ever again, which I found very upsetting and very out of the blue (It wasn’t like I’d nagged him!).
I left it a few days and eventually he got back to me saying that the message he sent was because he had just been upset that I didn’t trust him (I thought he was lying about something once and said ‘I don’t believe you’ when I was upset), and that maybe we could move on.
Since then he was still very distant and having cancelled (but always re-scheduled) on me before, I was convinced that all this distance-ness meant that he was going to cancel on our very beautiful expensive Valentines day meal he had booked for us a month in advance. It had also been his birthday that week and he mostly ignored me then too, which I found particularly odd, seeing as I wished him a happy birthday and sent him a small gift (which I later found out that he didn’t receive – but probably picked it up later on, seeing as he got a slip for it). So I sent him a very thoughtful kind message telling him that I don’t know what’s happened, but something obviously had changed, and if he wants to still do the Vday meal, it’s cool – but if not, it’s cool. And also that I’m not the kind of girl who can do this with sudden distance-ness not being explained. He didn’t respond and so obviously we didn’t spend Vday together.
After a week, I sent him a polite message asking if he could post back my ring to me (I left it at his apartment). He got back in touch and was very kind, explaining that he would right away (he did: he paid extra for it to be delivered the next day before 1pm) and that over the next couple of days he would do his best to explain his aloof behaviour, and that it is due to him having some personal problems and being very cautious about relationships these days. So 2 days passed and I heard nothing. I felt so strung along as I really like this guy, so I sent him 2 messages asking why does he always keep me waiting around, and why does he tell me he’ll explain something and then not, and that I’m sorry but I feel strung along and that it hurts (on reflection I probably shouldn’t have said this at all, but I didn’t say anything nasty). Anyway he blocked me on Facebook.
I don’t know if he’s blocked my phone, as I haven’t tried to contact him in any way (my options are pretty limited really even if I wanted to, but I suppose if he hasn’t blocked my phone, I could’ve tried this way).
I am completely confused as to what happened with this guy. Any ideas? For now I’m keeping myself very busy and am not going to try to contact him (I have deleted his number and address & have given them to a trusting friend, only to give them back if absolutely needed or after 30 days!). I’m unsure as to which category he would fall into as to why he blocked me and whether I actually have any hope of him returning!
Francesca
March 22, 2016 at 7:16 pm
Hey again Amor 🙂 Unfortunately I’m still blocked on Facebook (unsure about whether I’m blocked on phone as I haven’t tried to contact him to be able to know), after 30 days NC (it’s in fact been 32 days now). I haven’t done anything yet. I feel like the NC has been so good for me, to help heal and respect myself, above everything else – so thank you a million to you and Chris! 🙂 I’m wondering whether to leave it another 30 days NC – so 60 days NC in total, before I send the text. Now just feels too soon still, as I’m still blocked on Facebook. My friends / family also don’t think I should initiate anything, and know that if he wants me – he will come back at his own accord. Do you think 60 days NC is ok, or will this be ruining my chances by leaving it too long? I had been seeing him for only 2 months, and we only met 5 times (although I stayed over his 2 of those times so spent a long time with him then – and we used to message each other every day as he used to message me first every morning). Thank you!
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 31, 2016 at 10:57 am
Hi Francesca,
Since you’re still blocked and you’re not comfortable messaging him, it’s better not to message him and proceed with 60 days. That’s would be a restart from everything.
Francesca
March 7, 2016 at 6:07 pm
Hey Amor,
Me again! I’ve been keeping busy and I’ve actually been on a new date (we didn’t have any chemistry but it was a nice date). I also have another date lined up as another guy, who I’m getting on really well with, has asked me out for a meal. I am still blocked on Facebook by my original dude! It has only been 16 days though since he blocked me (my 30 days NC aren’t done yet!). I’ve recently been thinking about the best way to approach him via text as, I still want to just see if we have another chance (after NC is completed of course). Of course, my plans could all fail anyway if he has blocked my phone number, which he could indeed have done. But there is no way of knowing without texting him, so if I do, I have to make sure it’s my best shot and be happy with myself that I’ve done absolutely everything I possibly can to get it right. So, I thought I’d pass my text via you, to see if you thought it was good? 🙂
I was going to go back to an art gallery I went to with him, as there is a stunning new exhibition I want to see anyway. Afterwards, I was thinking of saying to him: “I just went into that gallery we went to in … where we saw the … exhibition. That was a really good day. You would never guess where I am going this year :D”. The day we went to the gallery was amazing for both of us, we had *so* much chemistry and so much to talk about, it was unbelievable, and it’s when he first properly kissed me outside and we held hands the whole day… it was our first proper little adventure / day long date – very romantic! The ‘where I am going’, if he asks, is also on holiday with a friend to, just as it happens, his favourite travel destination (which just so happens to be mine as well, which is the reason why I am going – I’ve wanted to go for ages!). Of course if he did ask, I would probably make him guess – give subtle clues!
Obviously you don’t hold a crystal ball so you don’t know for sure… but do you think that’s a good enough first contact text, that he would want to reply? (Even if he still has me blocked on Facebook… which by the looks of things, I’m not expecting that he would of unblocked me by then if he hasn’t already!)
Thank you for listening 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 8, 2016 at 3:27 pm
Hey 🙂 You’re doing good! And I like your text..it sounds natural.. hmm..since it’s only 16 days, lets hope he would unblock you.. i he has unblocked you on Facebook after nc, there’s a good chance you’re unblocked on phone too
Francesca
February 27, 2016 at 12:36 pm
Ok thanks, I’ll let you know how it goes 30 days from now! 🙂
(Still blocked at the mo… but enjoying life! 😀 )
Francesca
February 26, 2016 at 1:58 pm
Thank you Amor. Very genuine advice.
I wouldn’t want him back if he was going to treat me like this again. It’s far too stressful.
Life is hard. God really couldn’t have sent a better man down for me! He’s everything I go for in terms of personality, career, values (which we discussed a lot – all very seriously), holiday destinations / where we’d want to live, life goals / ambitions, beliefs / politics and looks (emotions aside, he has and I think always will be the best looking man I have ever seen in my life – not that looks mean much, but I’m talking even in comparison to all the male models I have swooned over in magazines! He is a work of art!). So I guess I keep thinking why did God send him to meet me, for him to treat me like this! But maybe it is a challenge. I have already learnt a lot from him. Such as I have realized that I love the genre of music he loves, which I didn’t realize before (it’s great and I’ve bought some new CD’s in a sub-genre which I absolutely love 🙂 ) and he liked going to hot countries on holidays with mates, and I’d never plucked up the courage to just go and do this with a load of my friends… well now, I am 🙂 and we’re getting a big group of us together to go and all have a good time! So I’m trying to look at what this opportunity has brought to me, rather than focusing on ‘what if’ and ‘what it could have been’.
That said, if 30 days go by and I still miss him despite really genuinely focusing on myself (I’m really doing my hardest, as I really believe this is what I should do) etc., do you think I should try (might not be able to if he did block me on the phone!) to send him a text (as recommended in the advice on this website – so a light-hearted happy memory one), or would it in fact be better, in this case, to just forget him or leave it till longer and realize that if he wants me, he will come back to me again (but this time treat me properly… otherwise I’ve got a feeling the same thing would happen and I deserve better than to be treated badly!). I think also that the personal problems he had, could’ve been depression, or even bi-polar, as he mentioned he had depression before (and used to post Facebook posts about living with bi-polar, which I found rather random) and does tend to get ridiculously nervous / stressed out about work. But what do I know! x
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 27, 2016 at 6:21 am
I think it’s ok to message him.. 🙂 It’s not bad to try
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 26, 2016 at 7:17 am
I remember your name.. 🙂
It looks like you’re not getting his message.. To me, he’s not just “busy”, he wants out of your potential relationahip..although he didn’t say it in words, He’s totally avoiding you,but his silence is more than enough.. Did he even thank you for your gift? He didn’t even cancel on vday schedule, he just didn’t answer.
So, for now, it’s clear that you’re chasing him.. would you still want to get him back? Because if so, I think there’s a chance but you have to be receptive on how people treat you next time.. so,you can avoid this happening again
Juliet
February 24, 2016 at 5:49 pm
My ex and I were doing pretty good until he became busy with work and other responsibilities. During the last month of our relationship, he had stopped putting in effort, rarely replied to texts and I was the only one making the phone calls, which I would only do once every 3 days or so. He usually answered the calls but then he would just go on about how busy he was and rush me off the phone. (He used to call/text me several times a day and now I felt like I was bothering him by calling once every 3 days). He had a lot going on at the time!
He broke up with me last month on the 17th. I got angry because this is the second time he has done this. so we fought. I said things I didn’t mean. Logic was out the window. I think we both felt that “exhausted, frustrated” anger you feel when you’re tired of dealing with somebody. We agreed to wait until late Feburary to regroup and see how we feel, but I think he just agreed to that because I didn’t want to break up. I was okay with taking a break until things cool down and until he got some things done and wasn’t feeling so overwhelemed anymore.
Later that day, his facebook was gone and I initiated 30 days no contact.
By the time that 30 days was over, my anger was gone and logic had returned…. and I called him…
My number had been blocked. 😮
I got the e-book! However, no facebook or phone communication so even if I text him, he may not get it.
As i said, he has done this before. We have never cheated or lied or had a bad relationship, but when he feels overwhelmed with work and other responsibilities, he tends to isolate himself in order to deal with it.
But this is the first time he has blocked me from fb and phone, and he probably did it right after that fight.
Please help. 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 25, 2016 at 11:31 am
Hi Juliet,
sorry to hear that.. But actually, you have to wait it out.. but of course don’t just wait..Be productive.. Focus in you now and also, you have to address that if ever you get back together, you have to deal with problems together.. you’re in each other’s lives to help each other in times of need, not shutting each other out
Michelle lauren
February 23, 2016 at 4:07 am
i have been on this site before looking for some sort of closure or answers..But I want to say my story here maybe someone can get me some piece of mind?
I was dating someone about a year, one day they just changed their phone number and blocked me off of everything. Every social media site, full block out. Heartbroken is not a sufficient word of how I felt, I was in shock for weeks afterwards. The only time i saw he existed again was on plentyoffish. I sent him a msg instantly he blocked me, so (pathetic i know) i made several other accounts begging for an explanation , of how he could do this to me.
The last time we had seen each other, and i had it replayed in my head for months…We are fine, better than fine..We were actually all over each other he told me he loved me, left and that was the last time I ever saw him.
I didn’t realise until months later that the very last time i saw him i asked why he didn’t have a facebook anymore he replied to me that he “got rid of it” didn’t like people looking at his things, when actually he just blocked me off of it! i was naieve, and believed him.
I couldnn’t do the no contact rule because he left me completely blind sided and I cried myself to sleep for weeks. He FInALLY sent me a msg back on pof and all it said “We are in the past, and the past is the past and you are going to stay in the past.”
How could someone do this, while I believed he was the love of my life…I also took his virginity, he was 27 years old when I met him and suffered from high anxiety, so I had to always be patient with him, and ease him into things.
The weekend beffore he left me I went out and dropped 400$ on his birthday present, assorted gift cards from his favorite stores….
I feel so hurt, used, pathetic, dumb, etc…That someone I thought I was going to end up with and build a future with did this to me… Was I just used? I have never had this happen to me before…
The laast i heard about him he was actually seeing someone else who he was “in love with” and “wanted to marry”
I feel like the loser he cast out and wants nothing to do with? I feel like If i had that closure with him, a coffee anything and just had some answers, I still wouldn’t be so hurt like this.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 24, 2016 at 6:12 am
Hi Michelle,
I’m sorry for what happened.. but are being active in moving on? Be active.. engage in activities that has progress and make new friends.. explore a new world