What Is It That Makes An Ex Boyfriend Want To Come Back After A Breakup?

517 thoughts on “What Makes An Ex Boyfriend Want To Come Back After A Breakup?”

Ruby

September 4, 2015 at 10:33 pm

Hi Chris!

This is the first blog that I have read that has given me some insight to my ex. I have recently been contacted by an ex of mine from seven years ago. I know! What is up with that? I met him when I was 19 and he was six years my senior. We talked long distance for about a year before I actually met him in person and began dating. I had moved to Florida to be with him and were living together for about two weeks before I had to return home, due to the passing of my closest cousin. Which sadly not too long after my grandmother passed as well. I had told him I would return, yet never did. I had tried contacting him several months after I left but he wanted nothing to do with me so I moved on. I never had a chance to explain why i never returned. This week he contacted my sister and was doing so for a couple of days before he asked about me. She had mentioned that I graduated with a BA, moved cities and began working for a great organization. He asked for my number and I gave my sister permission. I figured he needed closure. He ended up calling me and yelling at me, telling me that he waited for me and so on and that he is STILL angry with me. From seven years ago! He is married with children and supposedly super faithful but asked me if he could call me while he was at work and in the mornings for phone sex?! O.o I told him no and mentioned he was a MARRIED man. Thats not in my character to entertain taken men. He keeps texting me that all he wants to do is remember the “good” times. His contacting me has given me high anxiety and I don’t understand why he is still angry, yet wants to keep in touch. He also seems to throw in my face a time when I simply asked him who one of his friends was that we had planned to meet one time. I understand every mind is its own world, but was is up with him trying to turn back time? He also keeps calling and leaving VM saying, “just relax and let yourself feel the way I feel about you.” Say what?! Umm..
No thank you.
Alex

September 2, 2015 at 3:20 pm

Hi Chris,

thanks for your ex boyfriend recovery package, I heard back from my ex boyfriend that he wants to get back together. We initially broke up due to long distance (oceans away) and have been broken up for a year now. We have seen each other couple of times when I visited the city he lives in but every time I went to see him, all I heard back was “I don’t want to be in a relationship right now.” After the NC for 30 days (slightly less) he says that he was incredibly stupid and wants to get back together. I only want to get back together if he loves me and is willing to make it work. I’m afraid that he will give up again only after a couple of months and that I will have to go through another heart break. Please advise me on how I should approach talking to him about this and whether or not I should take him back.
Laila

September 1, 2015 at 1:47 pm

Hi, i need some help here(by the way the site is amazing!)
Well i dated a guy for almost 3 years (my first love and his first love) and 3 years ago he broke up saying that he needed to see the “world” he was too young and all that. But in those 3 years he never go away completly. He on his side found himself a new gf and of course i was heartbroken but he told me he loved me i was blind and accepted to be his ‘booty cal’ withoug knowing it.
One year later they broke up so we were close to each other again for a year but it wasnt official dating.
Now on the end of the last year he came back to her and stopped talking to me, so i stopped talking to him no contact at all but him once again hit me up with the “hey… How have you been?” “I miss you” texts. BUT NOWADAYS THEY ARE TOGETHER i was so mad that i stoppe talking to him erased him from all my social websits and all but a few days ago he just send me a friend request on facebook…Eve, though he’s with that girl. I dont understand him at all please help!
Laila, NY.

Chris Seiter

September 2, 2015 at 3:24 am

So, the first thing I am going to ask you is how serious you are about trying to get him back?

I mean, he has a girlfriend. Will you be able to get over that fact if they were to break up and you were to get him back.

norma

September 1, 2015 at 6:36 am

Hi Chris, Me and my Bf broke up three months ago for no reason. I was just asking to spend more time together as we were only depending one day a week, after a year and half being together, so he just didn’t like the fact o was asking him to spend more time and he just said he will be in touch. I tried NC rule, but I was missing him and decided to contact him and he was very cold its been now three weeks of NC do you think he will come back?
Alyssa

August 29, 2015 at 10:09 am

Hi,

My boyfriend of 9 years broke up with me last month. His reasons was that he did not like the routine, that he grew apart, he was sad and that he was unsure of things. I was so shocked! Our friends, my friends, his friends, my family and his family were shocked too. Because we already had plans on getting married soon. I asked him why he gave up when we did not even try to fix things, he said he gave up and that breaking up is whats best for us as of now. I begged him for weeks.. then after that i did not contact him. after a week he asked if we could meet. So we met, we talked on how we’ve been, we laughed, smiled. We never talked about the breakup. After that we said our goodbyes and he hugged me and i hugged him. Later he texted me that i should take good care of myself and i texted him the same and that it was nice catching up with him. After that i never contacted him again, only stalked his facebook once. Its almost a month that we last spoken. Is there any chance of us getting back together?
Elizabeth

August 26, 2015 at 10:39 pm

Thank you Chris for all of your insight and powerful advice! I also want to thank you for making me laugh with so many FUNNY memes! I’m learning to give myself time to heal and forgiving myself for allowing someone else to make me so unhappy.

Chris Seiter

August 30, 2015 at 4:02 pm

Great to hear!! Thanks Liz.

Marie

August 26, 2015 at 3:41 pm

Hi, I’ve been in a relationship for 5 yrs. and the guy left me for someone else. but claimed he wanted to make things right, but stop making time for me. he also posted a pic of the new girl on Facebook and was heart broken. what made it worse was the he went through my phone and found a text message to a guy friend of mine and he called it quits. what should i do. i almost had a baby by him and we have a lot of history together. but I’m just at that stage where i accept it but do miss my best friend.

Chris Seiter

August 26, 2015 at 10:18 pm

These things take time. Give him 30 NC and we will go from there.

Dominique

August 16, 2015 at 4:01 pm

Hey Chris so I need some advice like seriously
So me n my ex have been together for two years about a mnth ago we broke up but we were still I’ll living together and about 2 in a half weeks ago we officially broke up he broke up with me rather ….what do I do because I haven’t heard from him in bout 2n a half weeks normally we break up n I’ll at least hear from him from social media orbsomething, he hasn’t been on Facebook or no social media…he usually gets on fb but he doesn’t have a phone to get on it so idk if he just hasn’t been on it or has ge moved on with another women which I’m hoping not because I really need to get that closure from him and talk to him I really wanna work things out but idk how to deal with this everyday I think bout em n my stomach hurts I tried to do the no contact rule n it worked for the first two weeks but these last couple days o hit him on on facebook and told him my feelings I know I shouldn’t have done this but I couldn’t help it he hasn’t been on Facebook jus yet to see my message .I guess my question to you is what do I do and how should I go about with this whole situation I’m so hurt but I also want him so desperately to come back n I haven’t heard from m a lil over two weeks!!!!!

Chris Seiter

August 17, 2015 at 9:37 pm

Keep doing your own thing! Your doing good so far just try to not look at his facebook etc. You will be able to reach out to him pretty soon and send him a test text.

Trace

August 15, 2015 at 1:02 pm

Hey,

I’ve been with a guy from 3 years it was initially smooth going. But noticed his attitude if I spoke to other guys even though they and he both well aware that nothing more was happening . He always gave a cold shoulder attitude to the other friends I spoke to. At times even gals. Lol:)

Last weekend I decided to discuss on this as past 3 months we were not in talking terms a-lot, besides me and him can never fight when we meet its always more romantic. So he takes advantage and avoids meeting me at times to hurt me.

Sunday we discussed, he has some family problems and states he does not want that keep waiting for him as I am a gal and need to marry for family sakes and stuff.

I stated to him really pissed at that point that if you do not want me lets just end it and walked out from there almost in tears (which by the way he doesn’t like to see) I drove on my bike down the road with my friend and he followed again with his bike blocked my way. Made me get down and sit on his bike and the entire way he kept going on how could you leave me and go. My friend drove my bike and followed us.

I said nothing much, but the moment he dropped me I asked what now. He was like it’s better you leave me.

I completely lost it took my bike and headed home. dint talk to him again from Sunday.
Christi

August 9, 2015 at 12:53 am

I dated a man for 2 years, he broke things off for no reason at all. He comes back 7 months later, leaves again. He comes back 11 months later and I’ve not heard from him in 3 weeks. He says he leaves to get his life straightened out and he comes back because he loves me. What do you think? I think he’s cheating.

Chris Seiter

August 17, 2015 at 6:41 pm

It sounds like that, it could be anything though. If he keeps breaking up with you, I think you should date other people and have him as a backup. I don’t see this cycle changing with him. The best you can do is no contact and use jealously to get him to come back and be more invested but there aren’t any guarantees.

chanklA

July 20, 2015 at 7:17 pm

Breakups are diffcult any age, any amount of time. History, memories, love all plays a role in getting bk together. I believe unless its just terrifying, dangerous, or the couple isn’t in love I mean stick it out till the end?right? Thre are red flags we all see from both sides. Social media ,lack of morals ,commitment has an effect as well. If it was good an it just was outa the blue? possible grass is green.er on the other side syndrome. We alll settle to a certain degree. Don’t falter from your beliefs what you want. It has to be two hands locked together thru life, not imbalanced. Either you’re in or you’re out.I KNOW I put 7yrs into a relationship to be blindsided without the blink of an eye. So read away ,pray ,meditate, exercise, n/c, little contact if they wanna come bk they will. The old relationship is gone. Have to start fresh. Love loneliness, regret ,memories thy cnt b replaced, the person. Thre is no magic potion. Be good to yourself. Move forward an if yooure lucky 2nd time around might happen. Learn from mistakes. Love them from afar. Sometimes its a lesson not a blessing. I still believe in love loyalty commitment fun adventure with a love… dont compromise who you are, dnt be a back up plan.be Thyre priority. I feel the pain confusion from these stories, .bn thre gng thru it. You get thru it but that person has locked space in your mind ,heart an .kp the good vibes from that. All that glitters isn’t gold ,they go thru stuff too.
Blessings, love, fun, good life ahead. Most important! You’ll have good days&really bad days it goes with a break up. -) its thyre loss if they can’t appreciate a great relationship guy or girl…..
aly

June 28, 2015 at 11:41 pm

Hi Chris!

I had a relationship with my ex for almost a year and a half, we had problems like every couple but most of our fights were silly ones. I love him and I know he loved me but then suddenly he broke up with me saying “he doesn’t feel the same and he has no time for himself”.
He cried in front of me that day, he hugged me and kissed me and it was weird for me because I thought he’d be happy but he wasn’t. I told him that we could make things work.but he said he loves me a lot but he was scared his love will completely go away. The weird part here (I think is weird) is that he’s still I’m contact, he calls me and texts me all day long, he says he loves but as a friend! But at the same time he’s really sweet. He invited me to go out on a date this week.. I don’t know if he wants me back, I love him so much but I don’t know what he wants.. What can I do? 🙁
Kirsty

June 27, 2015 at 7:25 am

Me and my boyfriend of a year and a half split, we Was perfect for the first year but then we stoped going out and just stayed in bed all the time. I moaned a lot at him for silly things he does that annoyed me but being indoors maybe made it a lot worse and things got to us more, anyway he broke up with me 2 weeks ago saying he doesn’t feel the same he loves me and cares about me but it feels like something’s missing although he told me that 2 days before I said I’d change and he said ok because he loves me he would give it 1 more chance but then 2 days after I said can we talk just about effort coming from both ways and he just said he can’t do it anymore it’s not the same. Few days later he slept with another girl. Is there any chance of us getting back together? Always though maybe time will fix it as he always said he would regret it if he ever dumped me and I left for good but seems like he’s copying fine and he’s out going clubbing and that?
Ali

June 23, 2015 at 5:52 am

My ex came back after four years, and the sucky part about it is that he is getting married next week. I played it cool when he came and hung out with my family and jumped in my own car without asking. He even made a joke saying that he was getting married in a week and said he couldn’t mess around with me. I asked him why he would say that, and that I have not contacted or bothered him. He also kept getting mad over things that happened with us in the past- and even told me I was dumb! I told him , “I have no idea why you’re bringing up our past but I have been moved on from this for a few years now, congratulations, I am happy for you! He stuck around the entire night with my family and I. I did hook up with him, and I am appalled for doing that! He was still so charming and I couldn’t resist. I didn’t chase him at all, I didn’t brag, I didn’t do anything. He did all of the work. I left him sleeping and I went home. He probably woke up regretting everything himself- but I am just confused again. I left for my own good. I didn’t want him to think I’m still there. I am confused why he would wait until a week before he gets married to try and come see me? I was doing so good, I didn’t think about him. I have lots of men who want me, but why did he have to come back?! It just threw me off course completely, and now I’m stuck feeling curious about him and hurt again. He hasn’t contacted me at all, and I feel really mad at myself over all of it!

Chris Seiter

July 16, 2015 at 6:18 pm

He came back to you but now he is getting married?

Wait, what?

Stuck in love

June 18, 2015 at 2:41 pm

I did the NC and my Ex came back and apologized for everything he did and how he acted. Said everything was his fault.
But then he wanted to be friends, said he had to get his life back on track. Said I was the right girl just at the wrong time. Said is we jumped back into what we had we would mess up everything. Told me he wasn’t looking for a relationship and was just going to take time for himself. For the last month we have talked everyday or hung out it was like being in a relationship again? I followed his lead and let him ask me about hanging out. Now he has told me he has someone he wants to pursue, but he hopes we can still be friends. Why does he keep coming back and showing me he wants me only to do this. I fill like I am wasting my time.
Ex French Girl

June 16, 2015 at 5:38 pm

Hey chris. sorry ive been spamming your sites, i really need help. im not 100% sure if my ex even wants me back. im 3 days into the no contact rule and hes texted me sunday and yesterday but he works full time during the week but thats not the point lol.
So one night my ex came home from work and said he was too stressed and couldn’t do this anymore.. unlike all the other situations on your site i have 2 kids. i am 20 and he is 19. when he was leaving he asked for me almost begged for me to give him time. i told him no intially but the next day i told him i respect his decision. it took me 2 hours of pleading and trying to convince him not to leave but he left anyways. i feel like i made a big mistake doing that. he changed his relationship status to single as soon as he got home and then blocked me on facebook… he promised he just wanted time alone and he wasnt going to be seeing anyone else and when i asked if this meant we were over for good he said “i dont know”. he still follows me in instagram and im not blocked on his phone.. last night i made the mistake of going on his instagram and he had followed all these gross pages of half naked woman and his ex! the last message he sent me before i started the no contact rule was “Maybe we could start over again sometime. I’m not saying tomorrow. But you never know what the future holds I think it’s best that we part ways and that you focus on yourself for now” I DONT KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. hes giving me mixed signals. he kissed me and then left and then sent me that… one thing that sticks out in my mind is that he said “i be you never thought i had the balls to leave”.. hes never broken up with someone before but hes had a couple relationships before me and they all broke his heart. i think hes angry and trying to be in control.. i really dont know if i have a chance here so im literally praying you can reply to the many comments and emails an messages i have sent. im desperate, i cant sleep eat or function without him and i know hes the love of my life. i dont think the no contact rule will work because hes spending almost everynight out with his friends which doesnt give him time to think or miss me…. WHAT DO I DO!?!?!?!?!?!?!??
Sachi

May 28, 2015 at 9:14 pm

Hi, Chris.
I’m a Japanese girl and really need a help about my ex boyfriend.
He is an American, we met in the US when I went there for study.
We had been in a relationship for 4 months I stayed there, and he broke up with me when I returned to Japan. He said he did not bear the long distance relationship at the time.

Now one and a half year passed since then, I still cannot forget about him.
The reason is simple I guess. He keeps in touch and says he still likes me.
I told him not to text me many times before, and he stopped then, but soon he started to text me again saying he still misses me so much and love me so he cannot even think about getting a new girlfriend.

Furthermore, he is coming to Japan this summer.
He’s been working so hard and give up all the holidays spending with his family
just to come see me. He said he really wanted to see me again when I asked him why he
pushd himsef so hard to come to Japan.
However he never askes me to come back to him.
Unbelievably, he even said it was going to be the last time
we see each other in a good way and a bad way.
He says it is because he thinks things won’t work out between us, or
he is going to fall in love with me all over again.
Does it make any sense?
If he thinks he will never see me again after his trip, he should not of contacted me
and should of forgot me in the first place.
I do not get what he is thinking at all.
Then he goes we can never understand each other, and that is why things are hard for him at least.
Why can’t I understand him?
I always tell him how I feel and what I think, but it is him who doesn’t tell me anything.
I am not a mind reader, how am I able to get to know what he’s thinking?
Is he making me fool or trying to take advantage of me?

Please please please give me any tips to understand him…..
I’m so upset right now

He says he feels nothing will work between us, and I can never understand him.
Georgia

May 25, 2015 at 11:56 am

Right so me and my boyfriend were together for just over half a year. everything was amazing he said he had never loved anyone like this before and to be honest, i felt exactly the same.. a couple of months ago, he broke it off because he was stessed and having a hard time and i made a little mistake.. It took him around two hours to realise he made a mistake and we resumed dating. then a few days ago he broke it off again… he said he wasn’t ready for a relationship and it got too serious. He was the one that made it serious by planning our future so it confused me. but the main thing that confuses me is that when we broke up this time, he was crying saying how much he loved me and didn’t want to end it but he couldn’t juggle everything in his life. this confuses me. it’s made it so I can’t move on in the hopes i might get him back. what do i do? because he’s killing me.
Kayla

May 6, 2015 at 1:56 pm

I have been in a relationship for a year and we were both deeply in love, he would always talk about how he couldn’t bare to loose me and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. about a week about we recently broke up because we fought a lot and he has said he has given me so many chances but I said I’ve changed. we have done a lot of hurtful things to eachother in the past and he’s having a hard time getting over it. after the breakup he then was telling all the girls at school that he was free and last night he told me he lost some feelings and didn’t want to date again. I have tried so hard and begged for him back, I’ve never been so depressed in my life because I love him so much. I haven’t talked to him in a day and I have been reading about the “no contact rule” so I thought id give it a try and he hasn’t contacted me since yesterday. I was curious on weather or not if he will ever start to miss me and come back? and I don’t know what to do.
Lusea

April 22, 2015 at 7:52 am

Does it mean anything if your ex is posting love songs about reconciliation on facebook?