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Leia
June 7, 2014 at 10:44 pm
Your articles are great, I really enjoyed reading them. I’m hoping you could help me out personally though. I’ll try to make this as clear as possible. Back in August I started seeing this guy that I already had a crush on for a year. As cheesy as it sounds, it was a dream come true to be with him. But in October, I found out I would be moving in January just for 4 months to the other side of the country. We decided at this point to not label ourselves as boyfriend and girlfriend because, come the time of the move, we would still be too new to try a long distance relationship. And I was alright being just friends and letting him do his own thing. But in march he started to text me that he missed me and asked me when I would be coming home. I told him I might stay there for the summer because I didn’t have a real reason to come home. (We go to college together, but he lives in a different state, so wouldn’t be around in the summer.) He then mentioned he was taking summer classes and would be around for parts of the summer, and asked if that was a good reason. I told him yes, but I still live 3 hours from my school and I wouldn’t be able to see him all that often regardless. And he told me he understood, he just missed me. Not even a week after this conversation happened, he texted me telling me he was about to have a new girlfriend and that we should no longer talk. He said “I always go after what I want when I want it. I have nothing against you, I always had such a good time with you, but I didn’t see our relationship going any further. Goodbye.” Which was absolutely devastating. A girlfriend doesn’t just happen in a day, so when he texted me asking me to come home, he must have had her at the time too. It was unnessacary to tell me he missed me if he was going to break my heart a few days later. I texted him back telling him I thought I meant more to him than this and that I was hurt, but I don’t think I was in any way rude about anything. I also was the one who ended the conversation then. He has since then deleted me off every social media site (besides Facebook, though I know he’s unfollowed me) and never once contacted me. I knew that being so far away from him, there was no point in contacting him, but I’m home now and I still want him back. I’m just afraid to text him because A) he shows no signs of missing me (quite the opposite) b) I’m sure he has deleted my number and C) he is still with his girlfriend. But we never had a single problem together. We were so blissfully happy, I can’t even fathom someone having a better relationship than the one we had. We had the same goals for the future and would constantly help each other achieve it. I’ve been with other guys since him, but my feelings for him just won’t go away. Do you think he’s completely done with me, or is it worth trying to get him back? Any advice at all would be helpful. Thank you so much for your time.
admin
June 8, 2014 at 8:17 pm
Obviously there was a problem or a breakup would have never ocurred. Do you have any idea what his reason for leaving the relationshp was?
Stacy
June 7, 2014 at 7:21 am
Hi,Chris
I had a relatioship with a guy for almost a year and we broke up the previous month.
During in our relatioship we have great times,we chat for ours on facebook every day,went for coffe or a walk but we did only these things,no cinema ,no clumbing etc.So i thing the daily routin was killing us.
Moreover,we have some sexual problems.We were virgins and we tried 4 times but it was a disaster and also we did’nt have space for more.The 3 were his fault and the second was mine.
So,the last month in our relatioship i was very anxious because i was thinging that he would broke up me and i pussed him to have more times together.
In addition,my brother left for a couple of months our house so i found the space and i told my ex to come.And this try was the 3rd time and it was a distaster.
Futhermore,during the last month i noticed that he avoided me and we had much fights.In addition i also noticed that the last two months i girl(i thought they were friends)shared many status with him on facebook.But i did’t ask him who is she blah blah blah i never did.
Anyway,the last meeting we decided to be on a distance for a while.In this period of time we send message only to exchanged our notes for university lessons.
Then for a month and a half we had no contact so i decided to meet him.In our meeting i told him if he wanted to be together again but he told me to stay like we were now.he found his quitness and he could do something that it was not right.
Anyway,he still exchanged comments on facebook with this girl and we didn’t contact for a month.
So can you help me to get him back????
stephanie
June 7, 2014 at 5:16 am
I’m about to initiate the NCR, and I’m pretty scared. The guy and I have been best friends for almost two years, we’re super close, we were seeing each other for a little while but labeled it “friends with benefits,” though it was really like being in a relationship. I’m in love with him, he’s hot and cold toward me – his actions say he’s into me, but he says he’s not. He’s told me “I don’t know why I’m not into you. You’re a wonderful woman. You’re a catch. And I find you very attractive. I feel like I should have fallen for you, but I just haven’t.” He has opened up to me about things he has never told anyone, he says that he needs me, says he is closer to me than anyone else in his life, and he says that I am really special and important to him. He touches me sweetly, displays chivalry (like opening doors for me, buying my lunch/coffee, pointing out things he knows I’ll be interested in, etc), acts like a boyfriend when we’re together, and doesn’t correct people when they assume we’re a couple.
But I’m always the one to initiate plans, I never cancel on him, and 90% of the time I’m the one who initiates the text conversations as well. If I go a couple days without talking to him, then he’ll initiate a conversation or make an excuse to talk to me out of the blue. I asked him if we could watch the final game of the Stanley Cup Finals together (we’re hockey fans) and his response was “Well, if someone else doesn’t ask me to watch it with them, then sure.” That was the last straw for me; I know I have to change something or I’ll just continuously be feeding myself more heartbreak.
He gives me mixed signals – seems like he’s totally into me, then he’ll go completely cold. I know it’s because I’m too available to him, and he knows it. He’s admitted that he takes me for granted and thinks I’m always going to be there, that I’ll never disappear from his side. But I can’t take it anymore – I need separation, I need to stop feeling like I’m giving it my all and getting nothing in return. He says he loves spending time with me, he says I make him happy, build his confidence, and when we’re together he makes it known that making me happy is his priority. But he thinks I’m always available for him, so he has no problem canceling plans with me in favor of seeing other friends who aren’t as readily available to him, and I know this is my own stupidity – I should’ve done things differently, but I can’t change the past, so I’m working with what I’ve got now. I’m going to “break up with him” (for lack of better phrase, since we were never officially together) and get some space. I’m going to use it to clear my head and do some self-improvement. I’m not expecting him to contact me; I don’t expect anything from him. He doesn’t owe me anything. I have hope, of course, but no expectations.
That being said, I know that after the NCR, I will be the first to contact him. Since we weren’t together, will the same basic rules apply? Is there any hope for me, or should I just see this “break up” as the end of it? What do I say when I contact him after the no contact period?
admin
June 7, 2014 at 4:54 pm
Well, I think the same basic rules can apply but only b/c you two were intimate with each other.
Aliana
June 7, 2014 at 12:26 am
Hi! I think you are quite busy, so I will make it as short as possible:
We have been together for 1,5 years, then broke up because of the long-distance-problems (it has gotten worse because of our jobs etc.). He broke up via message, so I was quite upset etc., but we still talked about once a week for 8 months, but nothing changed. Then he started seeing someone new, broke up with her after a few months and started to message me again every day. He asked for a date and was very nice to me. I wasn’t sure how to react, so I was a bit careful. But then- after 1 month of messaging me, he started seeing someone completely new and stopped taling to me all of a sudden.
NC is on and the 4 weeks are nearly over. Do you see any chance for us or should I try to forget about him completely?
admin
June 7, 2014 at 4:48 pm
Did you read my LDR guide yet?
Aliana
June 7, 2014 at 8:32 pm
I did, I read all of your guides. The problem is, that I just don’t understand him. He always seemed to be a “good guy”, but then this hot and cold game started. I’m wondering if I was/ am just a stopgap when he feels bored or lonely. I mean he basically jumped from the new girlfriend to another one, but he always talked to me…until now. Would you suggest to give up on him? I really can’t help myself anymore.
Samantha
June 5, 2014 at 11:32 pm
There was this day where I started the NC. Three days passed and he started texting me. He said, “why are you ignoring me? Are we not friends anymore? If that’s what you really want then do it”. I didn’t responded on that at all. Hours passed then he suddenly kept on calling me so I broke the NC rule and told him.that “I’m so sorry, you told me that I have to move on right? How can I move on when we keep our communication with each other? Its so hard for me.” Then he said “But, I wasn’t texting you always.” And I told him it was hard for me, so he then told me that he’s going to give me space. And I told him that “give me 30 days and by that time, maybe I can accept you as a friend”. Today is the fourth day since we haven’t contacted each other. Though I was really expecting that he would contact me by now. And I really wanted to text him because I miss him so much. But I keep thinking that I should not broke NC. Have I done the right thing telling him to give me 30 days? 🙁
admin
June 6, 2014 at 5:37 pm
Give it some time… I bet he contacts you before the 30 days.
Lisa
June 5, 2014 at 9:09 pm
My boyfriend and I were together long-distance for 3.5yrs. We were planning on moving in together and making the final moves to end our long-distance when my boyfriend broke up with me. He was starting a grad program with an intense assistantship and he stated that he wanted to end things because he didn’t want to have to be forced to balance between his personal life and his work life. He stated that he wanted to focus on this and didn’t want a serious committed relationship getting in the way of that. I started to do the usual begging of trying to make it work, and he said that his decision was final and that he was not going to change his mind. It has been 15 days of NC. I read your post on how to tell what kind of guy you are dealing with in NC, but I can’t tell with him. I know that his pride would get in the way, especially if he said that he wasn’t going to change his mind. My questions for you are 1) what modifications would you make to get an ex back when the relationship was long distance? 2) I know NC is about me figuring out what I want, but if I want to get back together with him, how should I go about it; especially after a comment that his decision is final and he won’t change his mind.
admin
June 6, 2014 at 5:34 pm
For 3.5 years….
My heart goes out to you thats a long time to be long distances.
Was he having second thoughts about moving in?
Candy
June 4, 2014 at 6:10 pm
my ex & I dated over 10yrs ago. we broke up, he rebounded & got a girl pregnant. He never married her. After the 10yrs, we ran into each other & he wanted to be friends. He ended up pursuing me in a relationship that has lasted 2 yrs. Except, he still lives there. Which is why I broke up with him. I’m tired of his empty promises. His friends & family say he is miserable there, & truly loves me. But think he is scared to leave his kids..I told him I can’t see him while he lives there anymore. Did I do the right thing breaking it off?
admin
June 5, 2014 at 5:40 pm
When was the last time you actually saw him?
Confused
June 3, 2014 at 3:56 am
Hi, I think I am a bit younger than the rest of the people commenting here but I would really like it if you could help me out too.
Here is my situation:
My ex boyfriend and I had a solid, committed relationship that had basically no fighting while it went on. We got on really well and the break up seemed completely out of the blue. We had dated for about 8 months and our only rough patch caused our break up.
He became distant and I panicked and became unattractively clingy, something I had never been Iin the relationship. He said he was stressing out due to events happening in his life and was trying to find a balance between social life, personal time and school life. He explained that he wanted space but I didn’t take that as an answer, I kept asking him how I could help and kept trying to fix it, mostly because I wanted him to be happy and stress free because I really cared about him. He got irritated and broke up with me but his decision seemed rash. He told me he still wanted to talk to me and wanted us to remain friends. I completely changed character and began begging for him to give me another chance and trying to show him how much I cared about him but this just made him irritated and pushed him away further. No wonder.
He began to show interest in other people and began to act very coldly towards me, I still (stupidly) kept trying to make him change his mind and telling him I wanted to try to make it work. He said that after our exams were over we would try again but not plan it and ‘go with the flow’. I was content with this but when I continued to try and speak to him, he was still acting very distant and cold, he put in no effort and made me carry the conversation.
I got annoyed at this and told him I felt he had changed and that if he wasn’t willing to try he should say I never mattered to him and let me move on. I got soppy and told him how much I loved him and how I thought I deserved a chance.
He got angry at me asking him to say I never mattered and said ‘the fact that you would question the fact that I loved you makes me sick’ he also asked me to explain how he had changed because he cares about people’s opinions of him and said ‘especially yours.’ He then explained how he hadn’t had time to think about his next moves and that he was still trying to find a balance, he didn’t like to think about stuff like this because it ‘weighs me down’. He said he ended the relationship because of our disagreement and because it ‘clearly wasn’t working’ his feelings had faded. He said he still had feelings for me in a way that he didn’t want to see me get hurt and that whatever happened, we could be friends at the very least.
I told him how I felt like the break up was drastic and could of been avoided and that I regretted being clingy towards the end. I explained how I felt like he was acting arrogantly after we had broken up but agreed that things weren’t working at the time but thought they could work in the future. I then explained how I wanted to talk everything through or we would be stuck in the same loop. I wanted to be able to talk to him comfortably.
He said he didn’t see the point in talking it through and thought we were past all of this.
I asked if I could call him and he didn’t reply so I asked him why he was running away from the problem and not fixing it and told him I felt the relationship ended due to stress and told him I wanted to try and make it work.
Again, he didn’t reply. (No wonder) I then told him I would call him and he said ‘not tonight, I don’t need this shit right now’ so I had a brief conversation with him to see if he was okay.
I then texted him a few days later apologising for continuously bringing things up and that I wanted him to consider everything I had said. He didn’t reply.
Texted him again (so clingy) asking if we could forget this and have a normal conversation so we talked for a bit, I then apologised for overthinking things and said I did want to try but I didn’t want to plan it and he said ‘it’s okay’
We had some more brief conversations before I decided to stop talking completely (no contact rule)
After catching up with a friend, just a few days into NC, they said he didn’t want to try again because he didn’t see it working and was going to tell me but had been putting it off for a while.
After NC for about 2 weeks, same friend told me he had decided against telling me he didn’t want to try again because he can’t be bothered with drama and thinks I can’t handle being ‘just friends’.
I have now been NC for 3 weeks but since exams have just finished, I will now need to see him everyday, should I ignore him? Anyone I’ve spoken to doesnt think he is thinking things through properly, do I continue NC? What do I do now?
admin
June 5, 2014 at 5:18 pm
Continue NC.
Confused
June 6, 2014 at 3:36 pm
Thank you for the reply.
I have been continuing NC but since we are in the same group of friends it is quite awkward. He has been complaining to others about how it is awkward now and how he wishes we could all talk together and how he would at least expect me to try and talk to him, but he continues to put in no effort to contact me.
Do I still NC? I don’t want him to feel like I’m deliberately avoiding him.
admin
June 6, 2014 at 5:48 pm
YUP!
Confused
June 8, 2014 at 4:33 pm
Thank you for replying again! It helps a lot.
He is now getting quite annoyed at the fact I’m not talking to him and has begun saying quite mean things about me.. Is this normal? He still continues to believe that I need to be the one to try and talk to him.
I also go on holiday in a few weeks, do I finish NC before I leave (it’s coming to the end of my 30 days) or do I continue and leave it completely until I get back?
Thanks!
admin
June 8, 2014 at 8:29 pm
Very normal… You might be able to make your NC 21 days instead of 30 at this point.
Confused
June 9, 2014 at 3:31 pm
Hi, sorry to bother you again.
It turns out that my ex asked someone out a few days ago, this person is someone my ex had spoken to in the past but has spoken to regularly since the day after we broke up 2 months ago.
The person is also a friend of mine and told him they wouldn’t feel comfortable with it, it just wasn’t something they wanted and that they couldn’t do that to me, he really needs to sort things out with me.
Now I am even more confused than before.. What do I do now?
admin
June 10, 2014 at 3:31 pm
Do you think this person was a factor in your breakup?
Confused
June 10, 2014 at 5:29 pm
They may have been, during our rough patch was when my ex began talking to her more regularly and then after we broke up it was everyday.
I think he may had found some relief while talking to her in our rough patch because obviously their conversations weren’t stressful or deep, yet ours were. Could this contribute?
Confused
June 11, 2014 at 7:32 pm
I see, do you think it is just a rebound and I should still try and get him back? I have still not contacted him yet.
admin
June 11, 2014 at 4:31 pm
Hes probably using her for emotional support at that time.
Confused
June 9, 2014 at 9:50 pm
Can I just add that the night he asked her out was just after our whole group (me and him included but not her as she is not actually in our friendship circle) had just been out to the cinema… We didn’t speak but I did catch him looking at me a few times. It wasn’t awkward that we weren’t speaking though.
Lela
May 23, 2014 at 4:39 pm
My boyfriend cheated on me a few days ago with my best friend and we ended really badly. He refused to talk about it and own up to his actions. Does this mean he feels guilty about it? Or is he just too stubborn to admit he’s a major $&@!!!! (Insert insult here)? I’ve started no contact as of today which is pretty difficult because we have a couple classes together and pass each other a lot. Should I even try to get him back, or am I better off without him?
admin
May 23, 2014 at 5:44 pm
Thats a horrible best friend…
I wouldn’t get him back if I was in your situation.
Karen
May 23, 2014 at 11:52 am
My ex and I broke up after a 1yr and a half relationship. He lied to me over and over again, and ironically enough he is the one that broke up with me stating he needed space, and he can’t do it anymore. I cried, and called his family to talk to him, and I become the one fighting for the relationship when he was the one who messes up. We eventually got back together after about a week.. But then I went away for the summer and I found that he had still been lying to me and flirting with other girls, so I told him lets just end it. He begged me not to, so we stayed together, another week later I found him lying again! So I sent him a long message saying lets just end it, I wanted him to apologize and beg to stay and fix himself but he didn’t, he called and said yeah we should break up, and he still wants to be good friends with me, best friends even. I was sooo hurt, he seemed like it didn’t affect him, I am still hurt. We text a little that day and then I just stopped replying he was texting me as if everything was normal and we didn’t just break up, he also says he won’t change the picture of us on his fb profile which is confusing, I have been doing no contact for 3 days, it’s getting easier.. I went from crying every morning and night, to just morning.. Now I’m sitting here in the morning and I’m not crying at all :). I want to get to the pioint where I don’t look for my ex to contact me, or don’t want to get him back at the end, even though I really want him back, and I want us to work. He was my first for everything, how can I get to this point? Will no contact do that for me?
Jessica
May 22, 2014 at 11:24 pm
Hi Chris,
I split up with my boyfriend almost 8 months ago. I should tell you that we see each other a lot because we go to the same gym. It’s been like this…after 5 days of our breakup, he was the one to talk to me first. We texted and flirted for a month and a half after that. Then he drunk texts me, blaming it on alcohol and later becomes distant and are contact decreases to the point that he ignores one of my texts. But he gives in and decides to talk to me anyway. We don’t see each other for a month (because he had surgery) but he still texts me to wish me a Happy New Year. He returns back to the gym and our conversations are friendly but short. I decide not to text him as much because we mostly talk in the gym. I didn’t want to be annoying. The last text I sent him was three weeks ago and he completely ignored me. I have changed my exercise routine and now I can’t really talk to him. I hardly am where he is. I think he thought that I was mad for him ignoring me, but really I am just tired of being the one that has to always initiate a conversation. And just a few days ago, we bump into each other and say hi and smile and nothing else. But let me tell you, every time we would talk, there would always be this awkwardness in the air. My question is, is he ignoring me because I am not talking to him as much? If that is the case, should I try to make small talk? And also, we broke up because he was going to lose his job and would have to look for work in another country. But now, it seems like there will be another company filling in and he doesn’t know if he will be able to stay or not. The breakup was hard for us both, it still is for me. He even wanted to stay friends after the breakup, but now, we are not even that, not even close…it seems like we are strangers.
admin
May 23, 2014 at 5:19 pm
Have the two of you dated anyone else in the 8 months?
Jessica
May 23, 2014 at 9:56 pm
Hi again! I don’t think my message went through. So I will answer again. First off, I would like to thank you for responding to my email. Your advice on your website has given me great insight on this subject…thank you for keeping me sane…haha. I wouldn’t want to do anything that I may later regret. To answer your question, I haven’t dated anyone because I am not over my ex. I feel that it would be wrong to date someone new and still keep thinking of my ex. It wouldn’t be fair to the guy. I can’t speak for my ex, if he is seeing someone or not. Plus, he wouldn’t tell me, neither would I.
Jessica
May 23, 2014 at 7:17 pm
I haven’t dated anyone. I went out, but they were not dates. I still am in love in with him. But also, I don’t think it’s fair to the guy if I am thinking of another. I don’t know about my ex if he has dated anyone else or if he is seeing someone. He wouldn’t tell me and neither would I because it would hurt us.
Kathy
May 21, 2014 at 11:30 pm
My bf and I broke up 4 days ago and the next day he still contacts me becausehe said we’re friends but later that day, my bestfrieend talked to him but I didn’t know what the hell they talked about and his last message to me was: iloveyou :* goodnight goodbye 😀 I got hurt by the “goodbye” at theend because I knew it would be the last. Since then, we haven’t been contacting each other andI know he’s been flirting with a girl who also seems to be interested in him. I’m currently doing the NC and it’s so hard because I miss him so much and I can’t keep him off of my mind. Do you think he’ll miss me even though he’s flirting with another girl? Do you think he’ll contact me soon? It’s killing me inside.
sweet
May 18, 2014 at 11:07 pm
I broke up with my bf a month ago and had asked him back a few tines. Now its day 30 on my NC and he still hasnt contacted me yet. I’m just not sure anymore. I want to text him first after day 30 but now I’m beginning to think thaf hes not worth it. I would just like to thank you for this blog to helping women going through the most difficult time of their life. Thank you chris
admin
May 20, 2014 at 9:05 pm
You are more than welcome.
Go ahead and give him a text message now.
nana
May 18, 2014 at 10:42 pm
What I’ve embarked on 3 weeks of NC so far and suddenly out of all the pictures ive posted on instagram, he likes my most recent one of me with a trophy. What does his like possibly mean? Could it be a form of wanting to contact with me?
admin
May 20, 2014 at 9:05 pm
It means he likes the most recent one with you and a trophy.
Lana
May 14, 2014 at 4:17 pm
I’m currently a week away from reaching 1 month of NC. He still hasn’t initiated any contact yet.
Just today, he invited all his/our friends for a gathering (end of the month) on an event page he created on facebook… everyone except me. We’re friends on facebook but I definitely do not stalk him. I just happened to saw one of his friends attending the event on my newsfeed and I realized everyone I knew was on the invitation list but me.
I’m not sure what to think of this behavior. What do you think?
I’m guessing I should complete my NC first before dropping him a text?
admin
May 15, 2014 at 2:04 pm
Well, you are broken up now… So, he probably doesn’t want it to be awkward between you two.
Minnie
May 14, 2014 at 10:07 am
I’m on the 10th day NC and he hasn’t contacted me yet. I don’t know if he will because when we broke up, he said it’s better for us to have time apart. My ex is kind of a stubborn guy. When we were together, I always complained that I’m always the one to initiate contact. But to him, it doesn’t matter who contacts who first. I’m worried if he doesn’t contact me during the NC period. If he doesn’t and I were to initiate contact, what should I say to him?
renee
May 13, 2014 at 7:04 pm
My ex and I dated for 5 months then split due to him moving to California for a business he has .. so slowly he was not putting in effort. I got tired of trying and making the initiative to tango etc so I just told him one morning how I felt and we both just ended it. he was so non chalant about it which kinda took me back and hurt..before he left he wanted to see how things were gonna go but as stated before he just didn’t try. anyway I originally bought a flight to see him 4-18 thru 4-20 . that a.m. talking bout the split, I still wanted to see him but he told me he didn’t think it was a good idea because of feelings being put on the table again and that it was going to be hard cause “realistically” im in texas and hes in cali and it would be hard to see each other. so I said fine and flew to LA to see my gf and hang instead. come 4.20 .. he text me “happy easter” which was weird cause he isn’t even into holidays..i text back “likewise” and that’s it. I had been feeling emotional one day so I sent an email telling him I missed him etc… totally messed up the NC again..he responded back pretty much saying in summary ( I was inspired by a beautiful face and fun companion but what I really found was a friend. I know the friend term is a horrible one but let me explain….he went on to tell me he still found me to be an amazing attractive woman and that he misses our time together etc.. and that the path he is on, he walks alone inevitably but that doesn’t mean there’s not room beside him, only in the right time.. he then went on saying that if our paths depart for good he will always hold me in his heart but if I wanted to bridge the gap he would be delighted even if it had to take time.. but I must do so know who he is full first” ..that threw me off cause idk if he meant as a friend or more.. cause in the email he sent he stated that I didn’t know his past so how can I love him? but I fell in love with the person he is today you know? but anyway.. I was so confused with it idk what to think…. anyway, that was on 4.30 he responded– I’m doing the NC again.. so far so good 🙂 but just wanted a little insight on what you think.. think there’s still a chance? what to do…
admin
May 14, 2014 at 3:58 pm
Well, I think if you two are going to end up together a plan has to be in place where you two will be living together or living close together.
renee
May 14, 2014 at 6:35 pm
that’s the thing.. we haven’t talked since.. and I don’t want to bring it up.. the email I sent was pretty self explanatory of how I feel. Idk if its cause his business wasn’t doing well.. idk if it is now.. but that’s why he moved…cause he wasn’t doing well here. anyway, what do I do? NC still or? I miss him a lot.. but I don’t want to look desperate…….
renee
May 14, 2014 at 6:41 pm
Think he still cares? idk if I should respond back to his email since it was confusing.. thanks so much for your advice..
admin
May 15, 2014 at 2:06 pm
If you are still in NC then no you can’t respond to his email.
Zlata
May 13, 2014 at 3:55 pm
NC Day 20!
I am kind of proud! Really!
But still.. He doesn’t contact me..
He is looking at me at school sometimes, but I haven’t heard a word from him yet..
I enjoy every new day; like: “new NC day! I did it!”
But at the same time I’m like: “why don’t you contact meee!?”
I’m going crazy..
We broke up a 1,5 month ago. I was talking to him after break up, met him etc. He seemed nice.
He said he lost his feelings, but he want to be friends, and all this pathetic stuff guys are saying.
And here is this new girl he is chatting with now.. I am annoyed. Really.. I can’t believe that he really moved on..
I miss him. I want to have him back..
But HOW?! How to make him to be interested in me, if I am ignoring him? +this girl he is chatting and snapchatting with now. I am afraid that all his attention and interest is focused on her…..
Dumbfounded
May 12, 2014 at 1:31 am
Hi,
My ex and my LDR ex have been in contact for a few months now with only 1 brief face-to-face occurrence when I traveled to his city for a concert. He was unavailable due to his job but met me for dinner before I left for home. The next weekend he went to NYC to visit his sister and friends although he has never mentioned planning a trip to see me or followed through with any plans on us spending time together. I was shocked to hear this at first but accepted it and rolled on.
When he landed home (I assume), he sent me a picture of him driving, which I complimented, and at 10:30PM he sent me a picture of him at my local bar and asked if I was coming. I told him I was about to hit the hay but got dressed and met them.
When I arrived he stood to hugged me but didn’t offer to get me a drink and I felt an awkward silence had fallen over the table, it didn’t seem like anyone else knew I was coming. He has 2 friends that live in my same city and one that was visiting (going through a nasty divorce). The awkwardness got to me so I went inside and bought my own drink. I returned and just listened and smiled. A girl complimented me and expressed “approval” of me, told me what a good guy my ex is, then his visiting friend started joking about being gay lovers with my ex. They’re both 30yo men. My ex jokingly said that I probably thought they were a-holes. I continued to smile and watched, dumbfounded.
My ex then was convinced they needed to go to another bar, which the local 2 friends didn’t seem excited about (they had jobs the next day) but all agreed for the sake of the visiting friend (i assume). Every got up and I raced to finish my drink to see ex and his visiting friend in a long embrace. Me and another friend laughed at its weirdness and then he walked off. When the hug was over and the visiting friend left my ex looked at me and looked at me and said, “Oh, so you’re coming?” I asked, “Do you want me to come?” and he said, “Why wouldn’t i?” I spun around and said I’d meet them there but on the drive sent a text that “I was just going to bed and thanked him for the invite.”
What had just gone down?!? I was so confused: it felt like a booty call but he did invite me…
Later that night he sent me 3 texts that I ignored: (1st, 45 min later) “lame”, (2nd, 10 min after that) “no need to be mad”, (3rd, just before bars closing) “Ok. I’m heading back to my home town now”.
The next afternoon I sent him a text (probably should’ve gone into NC but thought I was stable) “Sucked you had to drive home so late. Did something happen to your place to stay?” He said that nothing happened and he could’ve stayed with his friend but wanted to be at home. I said I understood that and told him and I felt odd that night. I said it felt like I’d responded to a booty call, “lol”. He said that’s what he figured I’d think and was why he didn’t want to even tell me in the first place. I then asked why he even bothered telling me if he was there to see friends and he said because he thought I would come hang out, no worries.
Obviously there was a downward spiral at that point and I told him that I wasn’t trying to start a fight but was hoping he would say something to rectify the situation and that if he didn’t care about me he shouldn’t have wasted my time. He responded, “You always blow things out of proportion” and I said, “Maybe so but you can be insensitive sometimes”.
We haven’t spoken in 4-days.
(1) What do you think about his behavior that night, am I wrong to feel slighted?
(2) Do you think I was too emotional/dramatic?
(3) Do you think he’s done: The last time we had a fight he said he didn’t see the point in continuing because I kept overreacting?
admin
May 12, 2014 at 6:39 pm
Did you take a look at my long distance page?
Dumbfounded
May 12, 2014 at 8:33 pm
Yes I have, and it is reassuring to see that something specific for LDR is available. I am waiting for 30-NC to read the contact guide. We were texting each other often, every day or 2-days (while on his trip, 4 days had passed in silence before I got that picture of him driving).
I actually found this site a few months back and was following your light-hearted texting guides that seemed to be working from my “adjusted” perspective. Although not “exclusive”, we’d been texting frequently for about 6-months (texting-only).
As a side note, a week ago I sent him a picture of myself dressed nicely at a derby party and some random dude photo-bombed it in the background. My ex’s response: “who’s posing, you or that tool in the background?” Do you think that is positive to mean that he was starting to see me as something important to him?
I just fear that because of my reaction and since he seems to be “emotionally” disciplined, he will decide to close our case and move on?
Much thanks.
admin
May 13, 2014 at 4:41 pm
I think its positive yes.
Dumbfounded
May 28, 2014 at 4:19 pm
For the sake of this message thread I hope its ok that I post this to this “What to do if he doesn’t reach out” blog.
This morning my LDR Ex messaged me at 3:30AM, day 21NC. I know you’d mentioned the serious battle that has to be going on for such a late reach-ou. He’d obviously been working into the early morning. The text was just the name of a band I’d told him I really wanted to see at a music fest going on in town this weekend.
I am happy to complete the 30-Day NC but given that he is an LDR Ex and could be making plans to come to my city for the fest/his friend’s bday do you think I should respond? I have a girlfriend staying with me for the fest this weekend so couldn’t offer him a bed but would be happy to meet up if he were to suggest. Do you think I’ve been friend-zoned?
admin
May 31, 2014 at 3:16 pm
Hmm…. I think it might be ok yes but only b/c 21 days have passed.
Dumbfounded
June 3, 2014 at 6:33 pm
Thanks! Two days after his “Vampire Weekend” text (day 23 of NC) I responded, “Are you seeing them this weekend?” but he hasn’t responded. Its been 4-days.
Do you think that because I took 2 days to respond he assumes I am not interested anymore and he has washed his hands of me? Does this silence have any significance?
Dumbfounded still
May 22, 2014 at 1:43 am
So today was day 14 of NC and still nothing. I want him to reach out to me but I don’t think he will and it doesnt seem likely that he’s thinking of me at all. Do you think my reaction when he was in town last time made him loose interest in me/see me as too much trouble? Do you think he will reach out to me at all after everything?
It’s so hard to imagine him going from sending me a selfie to the asshole he seemed to be at the bar. Over the course of out contact the last several months he evaded any meet-up attempts, but would send me selfies. He would tell me that he didnt have the time/effort to commit to a relationship with me right now but sent me a comical valentines day e-card.
I had high hopes for things with him and having already gone through your plan I don’t think giving it another attempt is appropriate?
Do you think he will reach out? If not, Do you think it’s worth another attempt or would he for sure see me as a loser?
Dumbfounded
May 18, 2014 at 7:03 am
Well today was the day 10 of NC and still no word. I know you’ve covered the different types of exes but this dude is definitely a nonchalant guy. He doesn’t seem to mind anything, you might classify him as being “agreeable”.
I don’t plan on reaching back out to him after our last occurrence because it was just too much for me to reach out after without disrespecting myself… but of course I’m still checking my phone so maybe that defeats the purpose.
WIth him being “agreeable” do you think its worth hoping he’ll reach out?
Ana
May 8, 2014 at 9:27 pm
Hello Chris!
Reposting hoping to get some help.
My ex broke up with me on 24th of March. I tried to talk to him a week later and it didn’t take me anywhere – he responded negatively.
I’m now on day 39 of no contact because people tell me I need to be in a state of mind where I don’t get too stressed about whether he responds or not and I’m not sure I’ve reached that point. I was wondering if 60 days would be better or just drive him away totally?
He left me crying, saying he still liked me and would miss me but he wasn’t able to give me what I needed/deserved from a relationship and had to be alone to figure out his life. He’s for sure a stubborn one and hasn’t reached out all this time.
I’m not sure how to proceed now… HELP
admin
May 9, 2014 at 3:32 pm
I think you have gone above and beyond already on NC. You can probably contact him now if you wanted.