What To Do If Your Ex Doesn't Contact You During No Contact- How To Make Him Talk

2,699 thoughts on “What If He Doesn’t Contact You During No Contact?”

Anne

January 14, 2016 at 3:39 am

Hi Chris! So me and my boyfriend broke up while I was away greiving cause my grandfather died. One morning we had a small arguement over text and I brought up the break up and he just gave it to me. Im really shocked, how can he just walk away like that considering that christmas time his gifts to his mom, stepmom, and aunt was our pic in a frame and that was his idea. Also, he came with my family on a 6weeks vacation to meet the rest of my family way back home. So whats going on with him right now? Why is he being like this all of a sudden?nI was trying to talk to him after that but he keeps on ignoring me and just spending all night playing his video games. Now im back in the country he picked me up in the airport but asked me leave and still he doesnt want me back. Some of my stuff is still with him since I used to live with him. Now, how do i apply the no contact rule on this situation?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 16, 2016 at 10:06 am

Hi Anne,

First does he the reason why you went away? Did he feel neglected while you were away?But right now you can implement the no contact rule. Don’t contact him in any way while you’re in the place you’re staying in right now. If you have important things that you really need that’s still in his place, of course get it first but maybe you can leave some of the things to get back to after the No contact rule.

Liz

January 13, 2016 at 3:08 pm

Hi Chris,
I am sure my situation is something you may have heard before. However, I am at a loss as to what to do. My boyfriend and I have been friends for 27 years. We never dated until recently. He is my best friend and I could tell him anything. We broke up a week ago because my family and my ex ( the father of my children) caused a lot of drama for us. He broke up with me but said it he nothing to do with how he feels about me. It is strictly based on things that happened. To much drama to deal with and that he was scared of what else my family or ex might do. He wants to remain good friends. We haven’t spoken in 3 days. So I am very early in the NC part. But he hasn’t reached out to me at all. He went and deleted any post that I commented on or called him baby. And deleted from his timeline our relationship status. I don’t know if he did it to hurt me or not but it does. I want him back and don’t know if he wants me back. He also has a problem with telling his mom everything. So she got heavily involved in things and I don’t know how to eventually tell him that she has to back off. What should I do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 15, 2016 at 8:37 pm

Hi Liz,

Actually from my perspective, it’s not common that almost everyone around you seems to be the cause of the breakup. Well, unless you’re teenagers. Is it really 27 years or that’s a typographical error? I’m afraid to ask, and you don’t have to answer this too. Is your family or ex husband threatening to harm both you in any way? If so, then you need to notify the cops. But if not, is there some way you could address the cause of drama with your family? You’ve been friends for a long time, I’m assuming they would also know him. So, it’s better if you face them both.Regarding his mom, if he tells her everything then, telling her to back off is not good idea and besides even if they’re not close, that’s still not a good approach. It’s still his mom and it might hurt him more if you get in another drama and, now on his side too. Lastly, it’s good that you’re considering your family’s opinion of course but sometimes they disagree over something because they’re afraid of the result of your choices. I’ don’t know what the real situation is with your family but if you’re not doing anything wrong, calmly assure them and also if you’re choice is not harming them, give them the freedom to feel whatever they want then continue on with your choices.

Rebecca

January 12, 2016 at 2:37 am

Hi! Me and my boyfriend have been together 5 years. 1.5 years ago I moved out of our apartment to pursue a graduate degree in another city, and we promised ourselves we would work through it and stay together. We see each other every week. He is very closed emotionally, so we dont talk about how we are feeling much. I could tell the intimacy was fading, and when I tried to bring it up, he said he wanted to break up. He said he loved my personality and wanted to keep our friendship the way it was, but that he no longer was in love with me and can not see us moving back in together. He was crying and said I was still important to him and he wanted us to stay in each others lives as much as we already are, but give up on the relationship. The worst part is that he did not want to talk about it, and HE started the no contact for 30 days, and said after that we could touch base. Of course I freaked out and begged him to open his heart to the possibility we could work together to get the intimacy back, since we never fight and nothing else is wrong. I immediately caved the next day, and texted him. His response was the he wanted the month break (no longer the final break up, but he might have been being nice), and did not want to have to ignore me so asked me to please stick to it. He also said that he would keep thinking about it and be open. Then he said he would be thinking about me.

Since then I have written countless letters that I have not sent to him, and am just planning on what to say to him when the 30 days is over. I am trying to focus on bettering myself as an individual, but is it silly for me to think this can be saved? He does not think it is the distance, but I think this is one of those things people need to fight through together. Am I wrong, is his no contact rule just a way out for him? Could there be hope and when does it become pathetic to keep wanting to try and rekindle that flame?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 16, 2016 at 2:43 pm

Hi Rebecca!

Has he been emotionally closed since the start of your relationship?
This is actually unique because it’s like you’re the receiving end of the NC rule but the good news is you know why he’s not contacting.

For me it would only be pathetic if the relationship is abusive.

It’s very brave of you to go through this but after the NC period, talk to him about him being emotionally closed. Why is he emotionally closed? Can you two help each other in opening it and letting your feelings flow? And tell how he’s being unfair to your feelings too because even if he decided not to share his, yours still needs to be heard.

Julia

January 12, 2016 at 2:29 am

Hi Chris,
I’m two weeks into NC (I’m planning on 30 days), but I was wondering what I should do if I’m the one who contacts him and he flat-out rejects me, even if I just say something like “Oh, I just saw (blank) and I remembered how much you love (blank). Hope you’re doing well.”?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 15, 2016 at 2:24 pm

Hi Julia,

Congratulations on going for two weeks! This post will help you on how to text. Texting and ex boyfriend(the new rules) Let us now how it goes!

mel

January 11, 2016 at 6:12 pm

I have been with bf four months and when he gets mad he just ignores me. He tends to not communicate and is very forward and abrupt in making comments. He asked why I had been being home being lazy and what happened to the gym. I responded I will go to gym when and if I am ready. He did talk to me for two days and when I texted him he responded I will talk to you when and if I am ready. It has been almost three days and nothing. I feel as if he is gone and it is over. Please help.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 16, 2016 at 2:48 pm

Hi Mel,

I understand the hurt is still there but are you in NC period now? If not try it. If he tends to ignore when he’s mad, you will be the opposite of that. You won’t contact him because you choose to heal and break the cycle of him being quiet and then suddenly saying bad comments. Lay your standards then you’ll get respect. You can do this Mel!

ss

January 10, 2016 at 5:20 pm

Hi Chris, my boyfriend broke up with me 2 months ago because he felt like he wasn’t appreciative enough of me. He would get angry at me for visiting him at his workplace with small gifts and he kept telling me not to buy him stuff. After we broke up, he said that I shouldn’t wait for him because he was wasting my time, and he just feels this void in him (he has depression). He told me that he was going to use his time now to be better. I tried not contacting him but I always caved after a couple of weeks. I begged him to come back maybe 3 days after the break up? But he said that he knew he wasn’t ready and it wasn’t right. Should I wait for him? How can I win him back?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 18, 2016 at 11:26 am

Hi ss,
if he has depression and he’s using his time to treat that then definitely give him space, if he broke up because he’s not ready, he’ll contact you when he is. Do no contact to give him space and miss you more

Ellie

December 30, 2015 at 11:48 pm

Hi there 🙂 My boyfriend broke up with me a little over two months ago. It was two weeks before he was leaving town for 3 or 4 months to be with his family overseas as there were some family issues going on. We hadn’t been together officially for very long but we had been friends for a long time before that so it felt like longer. I was upset but like to think I handled the break up reasonably well and we had a couple of pleasant meetings before he left. He’s not really one for keeping in contact with people while he’s away so I said to him that I didn’t expect to hear from him but would be pleasantly surprised if I did, to which he replied he would send me some photos. I decided (with the whole NC thing) that I wouldn’t contact him until I heard from him but now it’s been more than 2 months and I’ve still heard nothing from him… should I keep up NC (possibly even until he gets back home) or reach out to him?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 18, 2016 at 9:39 am

Hi Ellie,

It’s not bad if you initiate contact. It’s been two months. I think it’s time to try

Sneha Shamkuwar

December 30, 2015 at 5:53 am

hi Chris,

I was in a serious relation with my boyfriend since past 9 yrs. I broke up with him 10 days ago. the reason being his behavior towards me which made me feel insecure (his interests in other women), his taken for granted attitude which made me felt less valued in his life so i needed to take a stand me make him realize my importance. Moreover he used to say he loves me so much and wanted to marry me as well. we had many fights and small breakups many times (2-3 days breakup) eventually ending with a patch up. but now when we broke up 10 days ago, he tried calling me 3rd day but since then he didn’t contacted me. am using a NC rule but really scared if it will work. i am in a great mess, thinking all day about him but seems he is very normal. Please can you advise on what should i do? how to deal with this. will he come back ever to me? i am afraid that if i follow 30 day no contact rule and he don’t come back, thing swill not be like i want even if I initiate. Please help.
Christina

December 26, 2015 at 11:44 pm

After 6 months no contact, he still drives by my house, which is completely out of the way on a remote street, since he lives on the opposite side of town. He has a new girlfriend but is still doing this. Should I be worried or is he just checking up on me. He has been doing this since the break up 6 months ago, not every night but several times a week.
Cj

December 25, 2015 at 10:55 pm

How do you engage in the NC rule when you go to the same school and have one class together?
Diana

December 25, 2015 at 2:40 pm

Hi there.. im in the middle of the NC for almost 2months now.. the 1st months.. i dont see anydifferent on him.. its like he dont even care.. recently.. id notice that he start removing all of our photos on his instagram and fb.. he start posting a heart broken quote.. and he’s acting cold towards me.. fyi.. hes the one who wants to break things off.. but during the NC.. he never contact me back.. i just wondering.. do i contact him now? Cuz hes acting cold.. i scared that if i contact him now… it will ruin the whole thing
liz

December 21, 2015 at 2:59 am

Hello. my bf recently broke up with me. We were dating for a month but we really liked each other and if it wasn’t for our stress towards the finals we wouldn’t have broken up. We were like so alike it was crazy and we got along so well until the finals came and we were both very stressed. And we got on each other nervesamd so we had this long talk were we both fought and all and ended up breaking up. After this he blocked me everywhere but fb. and legit two days after we broke up. I sent him this long message on fb telling him how he didn’t deserve me because he acted that way and he was very hurt about it and told me to stop talking to him so I did. And it was kinda hurtful to him I see now. That I shouldn’t have done that. But I’m sure we can keep going if we have a break and relax. But I need some help from you.
Sun Shine

December 10, 2015 at 11:48 pm

No contact againn for how many months chris?

Chris Seiter

December 11, 2015 at 10:02 pm

Never longer than 30 days. I’d say 2 weeks after the first no contact would be ok.

Cordaline

December 10, 2015 at 9:28 pm

Chris,
Does the reason for the break-up matter during NC? For example, my ex of 15 months broke-up with me 22 days ago. I’ve been in NC ever since the break-up. His reason for breaking up with me was that he didn’t love me anymore and our relationship lost it’s “passion” (we were in the honeymoon phase of the relationship for the first 13+ months). He apparently was wavering between being in love with me and falling out of love with me for several weeks before the break-up. I asked him why he didn’t communicate how he was feeling earlier so we could of proactively approached the situation and try to see if we could make it better, but he just said that neither of us were communicating well during the 2 months leading up to the break-up and he won’t even try again because he doesn’t love me. I know people break-up for a variety of reasons and every situation is different, but do you think the probability of me winning him back if he doesn’t love me anymore? (Obviously, I understand I have not initiated the second phase after NC…I blame it on my scientific background: I like to identify uncertainty and weigh the potential risks).
Sun Shine

December 9, 2015 at 2:07 am

Nc again for a month chris?

Chris Seiter

December 9, 2015 at 4:12 am

What happened last time you tried contacting him?

Sammi

December 9, 2015 at 12:03 am

Hi Chris,

My boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me 3 weeks ago. It was work/ life tension that caused it. He now lives back at his hometown and I’m away for the next 3 weeks overseas with my family. We have been in NC since the break up marking today Day 21, apart from on Day 5 he e-mailed to tell me he had sorted out some practicalities. There was no ‘how are you doing’ or ‘xxx’ just signed with his name. I did not reply.
I’m at a loss here because we had weeks of tension leading up to the break up and I think he’d already detached himself at point break, while I am left to go through all this pain.
No Contact ends in less than 10 days. I’m not sure whether I’ll be emotionally ready to contact him or whether he’s even thought of or missed me at all.
Should I wait a bit longer to contact him on Xmas or New Year which would be on Day 36 or Day 44.
Thanks for your help.
Sammi
Daniel

December 8, 2015 at 6:28 pm

Hey, I was just wondering since I’am a guy who’s been dumped (nearly 4 weeks since the break up) but been doing the no contact now for 9 days. I was at a party where my ex attended as well and we spoke for about an hour in total that night. We hugged a lot, she drove me home, telling me she was going to another party with her friend and her friend’s new boyfriend who’s 2 years older. My ex is 18 and one of the boyfriend’s roomates are 22 and they’ve been talking a lot lately. ( a friend of mine overheard an convo yesterday where she basically told her friend she made it clear to the 22 yo she doesn’t want a relationship with him despite much contact). Well, at the party I invited her to the movies, since we had made up and become friends but she wasn’t able due to illness which was completely legit as she was away from school the next two days. I had to reach out for an answer the next day, but after that I decided NC and now it’s been 9 days. At day two she sent me a facebook text telling me she wanted to wish me luck on one of my mid terms. She started off by sending me a “hello” but as I didn’t respond she texted me 45 mins later “just wanted to wish you luck tomorrow <3". I didn't respond (didn't even click on it as it stands as unseen from my side). Now we haven't been talking since before NC except for a "hello" at school. I was just wondering if this article could apply for both men and women as I believe she's very stubborn. I want to talk to her real bad, but she seems just fine at school. I will continue with NC but what are your opinion?

Daniel

December 9, 2015 at 2:12 pm

Hi! Just an update. The guy she told she wanted nothing to do with on that level was apparently another guy. Its a bit unclear since some of my friends overhears parts of the convo but that’s pretty much it.

Lolita

December 8, 2015 at 4:17 pm

Hi Chris,
Thank you for taking the time to create this website. Really appreciate it!
I’ve tried to comment several times before but I havent received a response yet. I was wondering if you could give me some advice? My ex broke it off with me via text about 2.5 weeks ago. When it happened I gave him many reasons as to why we were worth the fight but I didnt beg him to stay. He admitted that he couldnt give me an in person break up because he was a coward. I’m really hurt by all of this. We dated for 1.5 years and we originally started long distance but even though I’m in the same place as him…we broke it off. I immediately implemented the no contact rule, and it’s been 17 days and I still havent heard a word from him. I have been following your advice diligiently! My ex texted me that he still loved me but he didnt see a future with me anymore. See, the thing is I’ve been really stressed since i’m studying for my board exams and this breakup has got me going through an emotional roller coaster. My ex is currently busy with exams as well. During the relationship, my ex was extremely protective of me and would get super jealous if other guys tried to approach me. How is he okay with not knowing anything about my life for 17 days? He hasnt even tried to contact my siblings or friends to find out about me. What do you think is going on his mind?
Razia

December 7, 2015 at 8:24 pm

Hey, I’ve been going through a rough patch in my life. The thing is I was dating this guy since 1.5 years. He was a bestfriend since almost 5 years and everything was fine. But then we started with our colleges and he suddenly started saying that he wants to focus on his career and is guilty of not making time for me and a week back he was very much in love and said he missed me and stuff and after like a week he broke up saying that his priority is his career and relationships don’t work like this. We both are young, we’re 19 and so focusing on our careers is fine. I thought it was temporary but we’ve broken up since 3 months and I don’t know what’s going around his head. But we kept in touch also there is no other girl and I’m pretty sure this is the sole reason for our breakup. Time issues. And everyone keeps telling me to move on but I’m finding it pretty hard to move on ame forget about him plus we were good together, the bond we shared was rare. I don’t know what to do.

Razia

December 7, 2015 at 8:37 pm

Why is my comment awaiting moderation?

Sun Shine

December 7, 2015 at 8:07 pm

Hello Chris,As i already told you my situation with my ex…Long story short!
Me and my ex were in a relationship on/off from 3 years.During the off period i started chatting with his bestie..My ex wss aware about it…And then after 3 months me and his besties came closer…Phonecalls skype…msging…We were in FWB..We met each other 2 times…And then me and my ex’s bestie decided to finish it off as we realized that we are cheating on him….And we parted our ways…Then one day my ex started msging everything went normal…And we gave our relationship a new start but he read my msgs with his ex he was veryy angry.Ofcourse he should be…I apologised..He started ignoring me…Thn i did NC.(for the first time).And on 1 december my NC period finished….I msgd him we had a nice small chat…..And then one day he started talking about what i did to him..He said something which obviously hurt i decided to not to contact him for a day or two and will msg him on 8 dec on his bday…So 2day i msgd him idk if he wss happy or not…Help me.I am not getting what he is upto…

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2,699 thoughts on “What If He Doesn’t Contact You During No Contact?”