What To Do If Your Ex Doesn't Contact You During No Contact- How To Make Him Talk

2,699 thoughts on “What If He Doesn’t Contact You During No Contact?”

Ashley

January 29, 2016 at 8:18 am

My ex and I broke up 3 months ago. We lived in seperate cities for the last two months of our relationship. He hasn’t contacted me once. We talked for 5 minutes at the gym when he came home to see his parents. He was really cold and rude to me. He never used Facebook when we were together, but now he just plasters pictures of him with his new friends and him party all over it. I still talk to his best friends and hang out with tjme. My ex hates it. One of them told me that he told them that “it was weird being home and not being with me there.” But he hasn’t contacted at all. Is there even hope after all this time? I’ll be moving to the same city as him in a couple months. I just want us to have a second chance in the future as different people.

Ashley

February 1, 2016 at 3:23 pm

We will be working in the space place when I move. I’ll probably see him, because we are apart of a similar friend circle.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 3, 2016 at 8:04 am

I think there is, but if you were to approach it as girl trying to get back with him, He might sense that and either he will use you or avoid you because as you said, he was rude and acts like a party animal these days. The onlu scenario I can see him getting serious is if you up your game physically( so he will be attracted ) and emotionally by being independent and happy. In short, when you seem to have moved on and happy.In seems shallow, but in general men are attracted to those kind of women.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 29, 2016 at 2:09 pm

HI Ashley,

Are you going to be working in the same place when you move in his city? Or any chance that you’re going to be around him?

miri

January 29, 2016 at 4:43 am

Hey Chris. Question: Why do you immediatelly assume that the ex does not contact her because he’s stubborn? couldn’t it be that he has simply no interest in contacting you? Because being stubborn would imply that he does want to contact you but he does not. What if he actually does not want to, or wants to but feels like it’d be a bad idea? How can one know if this is the case?
I broke up with my ex (six months dating) 10 days ago and have been on NC since. I broke up with him because he wanted to take a break (we would fight a lot and break up and get back together several times) and I said no, lets break up. Obvoiously I want to get back with him eventually, but I feel like maybe he does not want to be with me anymore. Maybe he wanted to break up with me and couldn’t do it because he felt sorry for me or something like that. He has not contacted me yet. I intend to complete the NC period, but I still (after reading this whole thing) feel like if he really wanted me back, he would be the one to reach out and talk to me.
Please reply, your page is awesome!

miri

January 29, 2016 at 5:03 am

I forgot to add some info: Im 21 and he’s 24. We had a pretty serious relationship, he met my family and stayed at my place all the time and viceversa. He had even asked me to move in with him as soon as we could both afford it.
When he asked me to take a break, he was not at his best. He’s been really really stressed over family issues (his dad moving away and he having to quit his job and find a better one so he can move out and take his sister with him, -which he does not dig…-) and I tried to stay supportive but maybe at times I wasnt, I had also several issues to deal with myself (my dad’s cancer, my mom’s depression, lack of job and money to move out, etc) and the fighting over stupid things only made things worst. When he said he needed a break and I told him I wanted to break up, he said “Its hard to accept but I agree, I guess. It’s not a good time for either of us to focus on this.”
As a guy, honestly, how do you think he really feels? should I still hold hopes on getting back together?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 31, 2016 at 3:36 am

HI Miri,

In regards to hope, If he’s the one reaching out, then there’s hope. 🙂 I think you’re right that both of were just overwhelmed with dealing with family and personal issues.

Vanessa

January 27, 2016 at 7:01 pm

Hi. ive been dating a guy for a month now and after our weekend away on the monday we ended things- he said i needed too much attention and he was offended that i asked why i had to pay when we were on our 4th date- he told me hes been hurt before but so have i! We literally spoke everyday, until that monday where i deleted his number and he had to get one up by saying ‘ thankyou for showing me how immature u are and for showing me for true colours’ and then blocked me on whatsapp- I miss him so much- i didnt want this- we’ve had arguments like this before but i always begged him to not break up which then he would say ‘dont do it again’…..this is the first time where I havent chased him- i miss him so much- can i get some advice please xx

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 28, 2016 at 8:41 am

Hi Vanessa,

You’re doing it right. Stop chasing him. And about your 4th date, maybe the message was just conveyed the wrong way. In a month he tried to break up a lot of times already?

Cori

January 27, 2016 at 5:31 pm

Thanks Amor 🙂 you think that the nc may still work o or should I forget about him and move on?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 28, 2016 at 6:05 am

it depends on you. If I tell you to try nc but you’re happy moving on, that would be ridiculous right? It’s all about taking chances and knowing when is enough.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 27, 2016 at 1:36 pm

HI Cori,

We’re not sure but it can be a rebound.
Valerie

January 27, 2016 at 2:51 am

After NC, my ex still hadn’t messaged me and I refused to message him first because I felt the entitlement. So, I asked our mutual friend to persuade him to talk to me. Bad idea, I know. My ex still hadn’t contacted me and I felt like maybe he was catching on to my tactic, so I messaged him first. What do I do now? Do I message him again in a few days, but what do I say? Or should I wait for him to contact me again?

Valerie

February 18, 2016 at 5:18 am

What do you mean? Could you please explain? And, what should I do now? When is the right time?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 18, 2016 at 2:56 pm

I mean to give it more time.. maybe a week or two, and then send the text in the time that you know that he will see and can reply immediate
Valerie

February 13, 2016 at 6:55 pm

Hi Amor,
After repeating a short NC, I actually reached out to my ex in person first because I saw him on the bus. We were both alone, so I braved it up and started a conversation with him. He admitted it was a bit awkward, but he did speak to me. A few days after, I sent him a text, which he saw but didn’t reply to. Did I mess up?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 14, 2016 at 5:36 am

it can be because he’s not ready yet.. I don’t think you messed up.. maybe you just need to send the next text in the right time
Valerie

January 29, 2016 at 8:29 pm

So, be silent and repeat NC for about a week again before reaching out? How do I reach out again afterwards? Thank you so much for all your help.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 30, 2016 at 1:59 pm

Thanks for sharing too Valerie! We’re helping the best we can. Hmm, think about the topics that he can’t resist to talk about and then send it in a way that is casual. It’s basically the same tactic of first contact message. To make it easier, you have to list the topics and think of texts around that topic that you can send.
Valerie

January 28, 2016 at 6:50 pm

But Amor, I do want him back. I don’t know why my friend asked my ex if he minded being friends with me. I guess I was so stubborn about texting him first, I was trying to force him to do it first. What do I do now? Is it still possible to get him back?
Valerie

January 28, 2016 at 5:34 pm

How do I change his perspective?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 29, 2016 at 10:39 am

Just by being silent and being productive. And also your friends has to stop talking about getting him to talk and reconnect to you too because if they still do that, even if you appear to be productive with your own life, he is still going to think you’re bugging him.
Valerie

January 27, 2016 at 3:57 pm

I need to repeat NC? For 30 days again? Well, my friend asked my ex if he minded being friends with me (idk whyyy) and asked if he could talk to me first. I don’t know what to do. So, no more talking for now?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 28, 2016 at 5:55 am

If that’s what she asked, he will automatically think you’re the one who asked your friend to ask him once you start texting him afterwards. Your text is like a confirmation of what your friend is trying to imply, you want to be friends. But in his mind, why would you want to be friends now? And if he isn’t replying after the text you sent, that can mean he knows you want him back. So, yeah you have to start over again, and work on changing your image in his perspective.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 28, 2016 at 1:05 pm

You can do it shorter this time. Actually a week or a week and half will do for me, if I was in your case, that’s enough to at least be busy and use social media to appear that you just really want to be friends.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 27, 2016 at 2:59 pm

HI Valerie,

Yeah, it was a pretty bad tactic because we don’t know how your friend convinced him and after that your ex probably thinks you’re still not over him. You need to repeat NC and it’s okay if you text first after that. The key is to make it casual.

L

January 26, 2016 at 10:39 am

Hi Chris,

My girlfriend broke up with me on January 22. We were officially together for 6 months but had been seeing each other for 8 months prior. Recently we had both become more neglectful of each other’s emotions- her difficulty handling anger caused me to pull away, causing her more stress, which created a cycle. We had never really “heard” one another when trying to communicate these issues and needs. We were both hurt by each other’s actions and put up walls.

We didn’t speak too much in the days leading up to the break up, as we had an argument. We set a day to talk, and she came over, which is when she said she needed space and time. When she came over and brought my things, which she left downstairs at my place and didn’t tell me. She told me that she needs space and time, that she is very wrapped up inside of herself; that she needs to sort things out and put herself first.

I contacted her two days after the breakup, mainly out of my blinding emotion. I went to her place with flowers and a letter, and we talked for an hour or so. I guess this was my last-ditch effort to save us. She told me that she’s made up her mind, and I need to give her space. I told her I’ll respect that space, but that I can’t stop trying to fight for us. That we’ve had tough times before, and we’ll get through this. She said that she loves me but is not in love with me. It hurt to hear. I was very surprised by the breakup. I was anticipating to talk things through and fix the argument. I was pretty blindsided.

Recently she had been seeing an anger management counsellor. She had some difficulty expressing her emotions and I told her I often felt as though she took out her anger on me. This anger caused me to pull back, and not give her the attention she deserved. I know I should not have to put up with being an emotional punching bag, but I can’t help but wish I handled things differently. I do wonder if this is a counselling technique for her to work on herself alone.

I have decided to enter NC for a month (until February 21) to give her some space and time, but also to help me make the changes she needs from me. I was planning to have her favourite flowers delivered on Valentines Day (21 days NC, not the full month) without a note. She would know they were from me, I just want her to know that I’m thinking about her. I want to respect her choice, and I want her to be happy, but I fear that waiting too long could make things worse. I have seen the errors of my (and our) ways and have already taken steps to change them. I know that I do not need her, but I know that I truly want her back. I want to get a chance to show her that I can give her what she needs. Any advice on how to get that chance is greatly appreciated.

L

January 26, 2016 at 3:23 pm

Thank you Amor,

Of course, I am certainly overthinking things right now. I was just unsure if sending flowers may be counterproductive.

Thank you,

L
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 27, 2016 at 5:31 am

You’re welcome L 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 26, 2016 at 1:53 pm

Hi L,

Well, if you want to show her you can give what she needs, then giving her space is the first step. One month is actually short and your timing for the flowers is perfect. So, I think one month NC could really help her a lot because she’s also going through counseling now.

sara_457

January 25, 2016 at 10:19 pm

My ex-boyfriend and I met in 2013, and we broke up August 2015.i broke up with him because he did not have enough time for me, he was so tired all the time, and the biggest problem was Facebook. I had felt he was lying and hiding things from me, and when I asked him, he never accepted. I asked him why after being 2 years and half together you don’t have a picture of me on your Facebook. His answer was “I don’t know”. So I just could not tolerate him like that, so I said go out of my life. That day he blocked me from everywhere, so the next day I was so crazy texting and blowing his phone, but he just ignored me. I went to his house begging to come out and talk to me, but his grandma came out and yelled at me he was not at home. So after a week of ignorance and not talking to me, I used my sister’s Facebook account to text him, and he finally answered me there. So from August to December, I was begging him and I was so obsessed about where he was what he was doing and who he was talking to. I believed I could fight for us, I thought he would just let me be on his Facebook and try to take steps for us, but every day he got worse and worse. I got to the point all I was doing crying and crying and I thought he really enjoyed that. So, after all begging and crying he finally decided come study with me for our finals, but he did not want any kisses or anything between couples, he was telling me he needs time to be healed, and everything should be slow. I begged him every day and he just ignored my texts and calls on purpose. Every year he goes to his country to spend the Christmas break with his family, so this year he was supposed to leave in Dec 17, so the night before that I asked him please help me get my trust back to you, I love you and I believe in this relationship. He said okay, I always help you, but the next day, he ignored all my texts and I had offered him take him to airport but all he did was ignorance. So, he went to his country and when he got there was no way for me to text or call him because I was blocked from everywhere. What I noticed his brother blocked me on his Facebook without any reason. So I logged into Facebook with my sister’s username and asked him why his brother blocked me, he said he did not and I was crazy. That day I told him I you and your family broke my heart and god will break yours. And I did not contact him until Dec 31th, saying “dear we made many mistakes, and I tried many times but this thing did not work, I wish you happiness, and you wish me find my true love. After an hour he texted me saying “I made mistakes too, I am sorry for them and I hope you forgive them.” And I never answered him because I knew that was just something to say. He came back January 18, and on January 19 I just saw a missed call from his mom phone on my what’s app. I have him blocked from everywhere because he did that to me. And now it has been 25 days, and there is nothing from him. Do you think there is still hope? Or we are over?

sara_457

January 27, 2016 at 3:01 am

The only thing he did not like about me was when he made me angry and sad, I used to tell him bad words, but indeed I changed that in myself not for him but for myself. But he broke my trust and it is hard for me to build a trust when he never tried to earn my trust back. He lied for even small things that I was always honest and crystal clear to him. Do you think there is still a point for us to get back together? Because whenever I think I should text or call him again, my heart says why? So he can ignore you again and block you again? I think I have tried completely maybe wrong but I am so disappointed when I saw I could do whatever for him and he never even tried to earn my trust and kept ignoring me and hurting me. This ex-boyfriend that I am talking about used to chase me almost a year and 10 months of our relationship. Do you think I should try to get him back or leave him alone? My heart is broken deep that can’t try again without him trying.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 27, 2016 at 3:01 pm

I hope I can answer that but the truth is it all depends on you and your standards.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 26, 2016 at 11:58 am

Hi Sara,

Hmm.. it depends if your perspective has changed. The more important question is, have you worked on the things you need to change in yourself? so, you wont have the same problems once you enter a relationship again.

Emily

January 25, 2016 at 6:28 am

Hello,
My ex boyfriend and I ended things around Christmas time. We’ve done long distance for over a year and he’s in the military. I’m in college. Things ended because overtime he started to change and put less and less effort in. He really loved me but our lives were drifting and he’s really focused on his future. It’s been day 25.. Almost to day 30. He hasn’t contacted me at all. Should I give up and move on?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 25, 2016 at 1:52 pm

Hi Emily,

I think this post suits you more. Getting An Army, Military Or Navy Ex Boyfriend Back

Helen

January 24, 2016 at 10:32 pm

Dear Chris,

I’m really running out of options.. And I just hope I get a response.

My boyfriend left me mid November 2015, and we’ve known each other since 2010..and we started dating since 2014 only.
We initially had the most amazing relationship for about 3 months, but then we were thrown into long distance because I had to move for my post graduate studies.
Simultaneously he got a job. Initially we managed to not let distance be a problem.. But then he started talking less each day and always blamed his job for it. And my biggest problem was that I had no friends in the place I moved to, so I solely depended on him for a conversation. So if he didn’t talk to me, I wouldn’t have spoken to him the whole day.
At one point, we suddenly started fighting quite frequently, and it was always about how he never gave me enough time..but when ever I managed to meet him, we were so happy!
Finally, in November 2015..he left me. He said that he was tired of all the fights and he left me. I texted him a lot even though he didn’t respond.. And at a point it was either him ignoring my messages, or replying with the most rudest messages which was totally unlike him.
one of the times I begged him, he even told me that I have never supported him, and that I broke him…he even went on to say that he “moved on”and told me to stop acting silly because “everyone has exs”. but at the same time, (around new years) I kept seeing him retweet images that basically said stuff like “some people can fall in love with each other, but can never be together” and stuff like that..I’m so confused.
I began my NC on Christmas but broke it once because he messaged me during NC saying that he wanted my address to send me something (I had moved again). And he replied rudely after that. So again I initiated NC and I’m on day 15 of NC..and he hasn’t messaged yet. He kept posting updates on facebook with this girl he works with, and it keeps making me cry. I desperately need help, please tell me what do I do..he’s the love of my life! please help me Chris!

Helen

January 25, 2016 at 8:16 pm

I guess you’re right Amor, thank you!
but do you think I’ll ever get him back? is it possible?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 26, 2016 at 11:25 am

You’re welcome. Hmm.. I can’t guarantee he will but you haven’t tried after doing nc, after he has seen you’ve changed. So, there is.. but the most important is you. Find happiness there, so that of ever you get back together or find another love, it will be of pure love not out of nees
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 25, 2016 at 1:43 pm

Hi Helen,

I think he got tired of the pressures of new work and maintaining a long distance relationship and also with the demand of keeping you happy. For your own sanity, you need to find new friends there because even if you get back together, you’re still going to rely on him for company. YOu can do that by joining classes, like yoga, art or martial arts. Find places where you can do what you want and find people with the same interest. If you do that, and post it in social media, it can help to change your image in his mind. Even if he doesn’t decide right then and there to get back with you, at least he can see that you’re not needy anymore and be open to being friends again.

Gemi

January 24, 2016 at 1:07 pm

Dear Chris,

We are 25 and in LDR. Broke up the last time we met mainly because he said he does not have the energy to skype or be affectionate to me after his day at work as he felt he needed to be in the work mood all the time to be perfect at his job. Somewhere down the line I felt very betrayed because he seemed to have time for all else except us. I told him not to call me unless he figured things out and if I still liked him, we would think about it. I was really depressed but made myself scarce the next 10 days. He went from putting up elated photo shares in fb about break ups to trying to strike up small talk with me. He even uploaded a picture with me and three others as his cover and set a picture I clicked of him as display picture. I didn’t respond. Then he messaged me to ask if I could see him in skype that day. I did. He just stayed online for 5 mins or so and ran off to work again. I asked him what was this about. According to him, he just wanted to show me his new place and technically he had not done anything to indicate he wanted us back. I got mad and told him not to call me unless he wanted something meaningful, like we had agreed to. I didn’t want to be played. He again said he wanted us but didn’t want to work out the time putting work at stake. He has not called or messaged after that. Though suddenly he LIKED some of my status updates from 5 years ago for some reason a week ago.
It’s been 9 days since and yesterday he shared this post saying “People sometimes need to move away to understand whether they need each other or not. Maybe, that’s why not all come back”. After that he went and liked some age old updates of mine again. Is he getting over me already or playing up? I feel horribly depressed.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 24, 2016 at 2:45 pm

Hi Gemi,

If he can’t really carve out the time, that means no relationship will workout for him during this chapter of his life. You can do no contact and even rekindle the friendship, but how long until he realizes that he needs to prioritize work for now?

Rachel

January 23, 2016 at 10:56 pm

Hi Chris & Team,
So my ex (long distance) and I broke up around 25 days ago. I have been in No Contact since.. Reason we broke up was cause he said he could not do the long distance and our paths were different.. I was heartbroken as I thought he would work for us more.. He contacted me 4 days after we broke up (texted me) saying thank you for being there when he was low etc.. I did not respond.. now we are on Day 25 of NC. I have not contacted him. We are still facebook friends and he ‘likes’ my updates once a week whenever I put something up but he has not picked up the phone to SMS or call me… I cant say that I am not hurt by that , I am only human.. But I am trying to focus on myself and keeping busy doing different things – work, gym, concerts with friends etc.

My question is, I am thinkin of extending my NC to 45 days if he does not initiate a text on Day 31 of NC. Is that ok?

Rachel

January 24, 2016 at 9:34 pm

But wont he think I have moved on if I go beyond 30 days to 45 days? I miss him so much… This break up absolutely sucks.. Also, does no contact constitute not posting photos/updates on facebook?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 25, 2016 at 1:09 pm

Hmm, it depends on person to person but that’s why I said if you’re more comfortable with that, because there’s a reason why you think you should extend. You actually need to post progress photos/post like “just ran 10 miles today!” but not talk to him.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 24, 2016 at 12:54 pm

If you’re more comfortable with that, it’s OK .

Aqsa

January 23, 2016 at 12:57 pm

It has been 27 days of the no contact period. And my no contact period is of 60 days. He has not contacted me yet. But he is using whatsapp and facebook to talk to me indirectly. Like keeping profile picture of cats which I love. We have been in an on/off relationship for the past 4 years. He uses the same tactics everytime. And I surrender; but this time I want this cycle to end. Please help

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 23, 2016 at 1:17 pm

Aqsa,

If you really want the cycle to end, you have to be firm on not letting the cycle continue.

Parker

January 22, 2016 at 4:12 pm

I found out my boyfriend cheated on me while he was traveling for work (for two months). He even posted photos with her on social media. She lives on another continent and is half his age. I sent her a message telling her he’s been with me for almost a year.

I confronted him and told him he’s a horrible person. I then blocked him and he tried calling. I’ve been 30 days no contact.

I want to try and work it out. Will he try to contact me? I’m heartbroken. I want him back but I’m afraid to text him.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 23, 2016 at 3:21 pm

Hi Parker,

I’m sorry for what happened to you. We don’t guarantee that NC works 100% all the time. Have you unblocked him and checked how his doing?

Heartbroken

January 22, 2016 at 8:39 am

If you messaged your ex a lot, even visited his home because he was ignoring you and at the end he calls you crazy and says he doesn’t seee any future with you, do you think he’ll come back?

Heartbroken

January 23, 2016 at 12:45 am

Hi Amor. Thanks for replying! What kind of “non direct way” do you have in mind?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 23, 2016 at 2:14 pm

Welcome! social media posts are the most common
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 22, 2016 at 3:02 pm

Hi heartbroken,

If you show him in a non direct way that you changed, there’s a chance.

Claire

January 20, 2016 at 1:32 pm

Hi,

I’m not sure how to go about the NC period and for how long exactly … My ex boyfriend broke up with me 5 weeks ago, after being made redundant a few weeks prior. He always spoke about travelling in the early stages of our relationship and now he’s pursuing it as it is an ‘opportunity’ to do it now… He said he still loves and cares for me but has a gut feeling it’s not right at the moment and isn’t willing to fix us now. Because we lived together we have been communicating every day since but still he has not changed his mind. He left today for a 6 month holiday Around the world. I tried ignoring him for even 24 hours and he constantly messaged me. What should I do? 🙁 Thanks.

Claire

January 22, 2016 at 11:44 pm

Hey, no he advised he didn’t break up because he’s travelling as such. He did say though he had a feeling it’s not right… But he mentioned he should be feeling like if he is travelling etc he would want to go for a shorter period of time if it was ‘right’ but that’s not the case. He always wanted to travel since before I met him so I didn’t really think anything was going to change. I did want to travel with him and we made plans to go to Japan for a few weeks etc .
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 23, 2016 at 3:03 pm

If he really loves you, it’s either he give you the respect of space because he doesn’t want to fix your relationship now or figure out a way to fix it.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 22, 2016 at 2:46 pm

Hi Claire,

he broke up because you don’t want to travel with him?

Alexis

January 18, 2016 at 5:50 pm

Hi Chris,

Me and ex dos not speak for about 3 months. I finally contacted him last week saying hi and he did not respond. I waited a few hours and sent him another text asking what he wanted me to do with his things and he responded, said he had “forgotten to reply earlier”. He offered to come to me to gather his stuff and to let him know when, I just don’t know what to do the day I see him, what to say, not to say, I Need to be strategic. Your thoughts are appreciated, thanks!!

Alexis

February 17, 2016 at 12:05 am

Thanks Amor! :)) it would be great to read an article about that. Also, he didn’t offer me help, I was the one to ask and he accepted to help, I feel he doesn’t even want a friendship because he’s not going out of his way to reach out to me at all, not even a hello. So I’m not sure wether to just talk to him about our past fights and the break up so I can have my closure and never see him again or continue to chase after him, it’s like our meetings go well but no effort on his end. So what do you think I should do in this situation? Do you think it’s time to move on? Thank you!
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 17, 2016 at 2:22 pm

It’s not bad to reach out for closure… of it’s really not working out then it is better to move on than keep chasing hin
Alexis

February 15, 2016 at 5:59 pm

Hi Amor,
Yes, I have not mentioned or even hinted getting back together. He ended up helping me out and he even said he would get back to me regarding something else (related to helping me) but it’s been a week again and he has not text me. I feel I am not a priority not even as a friend because he’s not even coming through after his own offer, very disappointing. I would like to know if Chris has ever posted an article covering when we contact our exes, they DO respond but never ever initiate contact with us. Can you advise on that?
Thanks Amor!
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 16, 2016 at 7:54 am

Hmm I’ll search about that and ask him as well..wait more.. he might just be really busy.. at least he offered help
Alexis

February 8, 2016 at 3:39 pm

Hi Amor,

So I waited over a week for him to text but he didn’t 🙁 so I ended up texting him with the excuse of helping me/favor around my place. He said “he couldn’t cause he was busy with work”. I was obviously sad cause this kinda tells me he’s uninterested. But a few min later he gave me a ring asking if I still needed the help (I was surprised he actually called) I said yes so now we are at I have to let him know the day he can come help. What do you think this means? I don’t see him contacting me, showing or making any effort to see me again, I feel I’m the one pulling all strings to make it happen. Do you think he’s just moved on and there is no interest on his end for reconciliation or even just a friendship? Thank you Amor!
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 9, 2016 at 8:23 am

From your previous comments, I think he’s open for friendship. I think that’s what he thinks of you right now. So, that means like you’re really starting over. The only way that is probably, is not mentioning getting back together but attracting him back
Alexis

January 27, 2016 at 6:09 pm

Hi Amor,
So we ended up exchanging belongings and he stayed for about an hour! Just catching up and it went pretty well, and friendly (opposed to what I thought). He was nice and we laughed as well, now at the end when we said goodbye he just mentioned, ok I’ll see you later! So now what? I acted very relaxed and natural and said ok bye 🙂 I hope to hear from him or connect with him somehow but how to make it happen? What do you think of the overall of our meeting? Thanks Amor!
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 28, 2016 at 8:25 am

It went well! Hmm… maybe wait if he texts a day after if not then text him 🙂
Alexis

January 22, 2016 at 3:35 pm

Hi Amor,

You’re so insightful! Will definitely apply your advice when I see him. I don’t really have an event though, I’m also not sure if he would accept any type of invitation, he has a very hard “shell” and I think he might feel weird about it? LolDo you think this is safe to do after such a long time of not seeing each other? How about maybe ask for help around the house or something along those lines? My goal is to open the lines of communication going forward and be friends at least. We had a terrible fall out I should mention before and I did the worst from begging, pleading and blowing up his phone to the point he told me he didn’t want to see me again ever! Like I said he offered to come to me but not sure what to expect. Thank you Amor 🙂 your thoughts?!
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 23, 2016 at 3:13 pm

Hmm.. help around the house, will do for me. Since he is a guy, but don’t go with tasks that take too much time, he might get lazy about it.
Alexis

January 19, 2016 at 8:50 pm

Hi Amor,
Thank you! Will definitely not bring up anything that happened in the past. What do you think I should do the day I see him? I’m worried he’s just gonna pick up his things and then that will be it. I do want that least be friends again but not sure what to expect from him at this point. What should I do for him to become interested and want to reconnect again? Thank you!
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 21, 2016 at 2:53 pm

Well, start with your physical look because that’s the first thing he’ll see. Don’t act too excited, too worried, too anxious or anything “too”. Hahaha!

Hmm… Since you’re the one who’s in control of the time and date, maybe make it so that he has to come in the house and you can spend even just 30 minutes of talk. Set up the place to be inviting. Not romantic though, just inviting. Like how house sales agent bake cookies so you feel at home with the prospect house. Make the conversation it light, funny. Better if you can start out with a joke.

And if you can open an event that he’s invited even better. But do it in a “just came into your mind kind of way” like, “Oh by the way, I just remembered since you’re here, there’s a blah blah blah.” (This is going past texting and calling stage!) But why not give it a try right?

Practice it! Because the more you do it, the more it will be natural when you do it in front of him. If you’re shooting for the event invite, make it an event he’ll really want to go to. If he refuses, fine. Back to texting, since you made it in a “just came into your mind kind of way.” It should be nothing serious if he doesn’t go. So be sure there’s a real event if he does agree to go. Better if it’s a group event, so if ever he backs out on the day itself, you’re not left alone, and of course to not pressure him also.

But if you don’t have an event in mind, it’s okay.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 18, 2016 at 7:38 pm

Hi Alexis,

Just act natural and avoid confrontation because it starts arguments that can make him want to disconnect

Miranda

January 17, 2016 at 2:10 pm

I don’t know if you’ll get back to me but it’s worth a shot. My boyfriend broke up with me 3 weeks. Basically on Christmas, we both go to the same college and we had been dating for about a year. I live about an hour away from the school, but he lives a thousand miles away. Anyways shortly after school got out one of his friends came to visit and we all had a ball for about a week. He was as sweet as ever, picked me up, kissed me, we had a couple of fights, nothing too serious, but I get mad at him a lot for not responding to me, I always felt like I was the one who wanted to meet up and he hardly ever made the effort, though he tried, it’s hard cause I lived so far. We did have one fight where the night before I told him I wanted to go to the airport with him to drop off a mutual friend, he woke up too late and he ended up going without me, I was very upset, I chewed him out, he must have felt bad because he skipped out on all our friends( most of our friends are mutual) and drove like 2 hours to come talk to me, it ended up being a pretty good night, we had dinner and then snuggled during a movie. Other than that we really didn’t have any other problems. He called me on Christmas Eve normal as ever, he was driving at home and said he’d call me once he got home. He didn’t, but I chalked it up to him driving all night. Then Christmas came around,, he wakes up pretty late in the afternoon so I sent him a message when I woke up just to say merry Christmas, I thought he’d call me on Christmas, but all I got was a Facebook message in the afternoon, that got me a bit upset, cause I figured that if he was able to log onto Facebook then he could at least call (he doesn’t use his computer that often). I send him a message along the lines of “aren’t you gonna call me?” And that was that, I waited all day and then when it was around 11:00 pm I got pretty upset, still no calls, I called him a bunch, sent some pretty sad messages, nothing. I couldn’t take just sitting there staring at my phone so I went into another room, fell asleep, woke up a couple hours later and there it was! He called at 12:01 pm though he is an hour back, it was 1:00 am when I checked my phone but he stays up very late so I called back, he didn’t answer, I called and I called, didn’t sleep a wink, I send sad messages, angry messages, I didn’t understand why he didn’t respond, if it had been any other day except for Christmas I would’ve let it go, but it was supposed to be our first Christmas together and I wanted it to be good. I gave up and finally asked a friend to call him to see if he would answer that, he didn’t. I asked another one who tried later that day and he didn’t answer that either. At this point I got a bit worried, so I had to ask his mom if he was okay. She told me he was fine and that he would reconnect with me on Monday, I was so upset, didn’t sleep well at all that weekend. Sure enough he calls me on Monday and tells me what he has to say isn’t good. He wants to break up, I ask why? He says it’s cause once he got home he felt light and airy and happy, but my calls worried him and he had wanted to write me a song for Christmas, but he could only write sad ones, he told me he was playing with me and he didn’t want to do that anymore, I freaked out, hung up and haven’t called him since. I deactivated my Facebook cause it has a picture of us on it and I can’t bear to take it down. This is my first relationship, and his, we are both 21. We’ve broken up before, once because he got kind of frisky texting and I didn’t reciprocate, he wanted to get closer than kissing and hugging, but I didn’t want to go as far as he did. We resolved it that day as I had him drive down and talked about being more open with him. The very next week though on a planned date, he started getting very criticizing and he eventually told me that when he went home that summer he hung out with a bunch of friends and started to “like” this girl, this devastated me, though he claimed that she was just a friend and he liked her “positiveness” I tried to get over it but I went to bed that night and could live with myself, I told him I needed a break which he took as a breakup and we didn’t talk for 6 days, he contacted me asking me if “I was okay” I answered kind of meanly and he told me he wanted to see me, I was cautious at first but met up with him. I told him I wouldn’t be his friend, it would hurt too much, he could either have me all or not at all, we discussed it, he said he’d never hurt me again, and if he did there was no chance at friendship. I made him delete the girl from his phone and Facebook, but I was still hurt inside, I needed him to show me that he wanted me. It was a hard semester so not a lot of time to spend together and I was the one sacrificing all my time. My sister would get mad cause I mad her take the bus home just to spend time with him. It took its toll on our relationship cause I wanted to be happy (I love hanging out with him) but I had to take my sister home and be there for dinner. I know it’s my first relationship, but he’s my best friend, I don’t want to lose him, I don’t know if there’s a chance or even what to do. He’s in a lot of my sisters classes (we’re twins) he even asked her if she needed a ride to an off campus class they both attend, she told me that in that class (which only has 3 people including him and her) they did an obstacle course and he was smiling and laughing at her cause he thought it was fun, though she barely looked at him. I can’t understand what he hasn’t contacted me, I really want to hear something from him, he’s my best friend. Any advice?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 18, 2016 at 2:14 pm

Hi miranda,

I need to say this but you became clingy. There’s sweet and then there’s clingy. I get that it’s Christmas, and it’s your first relationship, but when a guy doesn’t text or call after you did, whether it’s a special occasion or not, you don’t wait all day (even if you want to) and then bombard him with messages, worse is you even called his mom. You only do that if you think he’s in danger but he was online, so he wasn’t. it puts pressure on him.
When in those situations, do something while you wait. Of course you can check him with a text or a call, but don’t go overboard.and if he didnt call at all and it took him the next day to do it, then at least you have all the right to be angry because you we’re patient enough to wait and be kind to him.
believe me, i understand you. But being clingy also shows you don’t have a life apart from him and you’re dependent. Making him feel like you’re a responsibility instead of a confidant.
Don’t feel too bad about what happened . it’s your first so it’s normal. you’re just starting to figure out how relationships work. Do the no contact and when you start texting again , keep it light and positive.

Ellie

January 16, 2016 at 4:01 pm

Hi Chris,
So I’ve just come to the end of my NC period and nothing, though I suppose it doesn’t surprise me as he is very stubborn and I know he will have got reassurance about his decision to break up with me from friends and family. I should probably also mention we are both at college so LDR. Just before the break up he sent me a massive long text message saying how I was ‘the love of his life’ and that he’d never want to lose me, so obviously I’m very confused. He broke up with me over Christmas over a silly argument, cancelled all our plans and said he would return some of my very important possessions (which during the relationship were also important to him but they are mine) but over a month now and he still has them, why? Over this period he would look at my friends group chat, perhaps to see how I was doing but never say anything. At the beginning of our relationship I set him up a Tumblr account, he knows how much I love the site and that I use it regularly, he never used it, until now. All of a sudden he’s been on there frequently and even posted about how happy he was to have negative people out of his life (even though he sent that message right before we broke up) do you think he was hoping I’d see it? And now that he’s back at college I think he made a point to post loads of pictures of his nights out with his friends, including a few girls. What do you make of this? considering the text he sent right before the break up, the fact that he’s hanging onto my things but also the negative comments on his blog, how do you think he will react from hearing from me? I’m so worried he’s not going to be interested even if he does still have feelings from me and just stick to his decision for the sake of keeping his pride. Thank you

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 16, 2016 at 7:32 pm

Hi Ellie,

If you’re the only one he knows who will view Tumblr, there’s a good chance that post was intended for you to read. But don’t take what he said seriously because if you’re right that he’s proud, he won’t start communicating humbly of course. It can be just the pride talking.

You said you’ve come to the end of your NC period and nothing, did you mean he didn’t initiate contact or you initiated and he didn’t respond? If it’s the later, try out the second part of no contact period. Send interesting test texts to him.

Judy

January 14, 2016 at 11:41 pm

I’ve known my ex for many years we’ve had other relationships in between and when are paths cross, its like we resume from where we left off. Recently, another one of my exes (Jeremy) decided to show up at my door while I was with my ex and it appeared to have an emotional toll on him even though I had no control of it nor was I entertaining Jeremy. My ex has blocked me and I have not heard from him in two weeks. He said he needs time to sort his feelings even though he first said he wanted nothing to do with me nor even want to be my friend. Reading from your other blogs I hope this is simply due to dealing with the situation through emotions rather than logic, however the fact that its been two weeks and I am still blocked and I have emailed him since then with no response, has me worried that this is more permanent than I think 🙁 Please provide your feedback, suggestions,….

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 15, 2016 at 12:53 pm

Hi Judy,

I get the feeling that you don’t want hurting other people. Of course nobody wants that but you’re caring enough to make sure you’re relationship is mended. I suggest you give him time. Let him collect his thoughts. If it’s after a month and he hasn’t initiated contact then go ahead and text him. Clear the clouds. Apologize if you must but if he doesn’t reply, let it go. The most important thing is you’ve done you’ve part.

« Previous 1 … 30 31 32 33 34 … 59 Next »

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

2,699 thoughts on “What If He Doesn’t Contact You During No Contact?”