What To Do If Your Ex Doesn't Contact You During No Contact- How To Make Him Talk

2,699 thoughts on “What If He Doesn’t Contact You During No Contact?”

Hana

February 28, 2016 at 8:53 pm

if he does not contact me during 30 day NC ,should i extend NC to 45 days?….I was clingy

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 29, 2016 at 12:25 pm

It depends..if it helps you more to extend, that’s ok

nina

February 28, 2016 at 8:27 am

Me and my boyfriend recently got back together talking again but now he distant now says he busy with work and doesn’t have WiFi to text me. So should i do no contact with to see what happens?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 28, 2016 at 3:33 pm

Hi Nina,

talk calmly about it first..if nothing changes, then that’s when you can do no contact

Patric

February 26, 2016 at 10:48 pm

So my ex an I have been broken up for two months in which I started the NC rule. I didn’t see him,call or text him etc for the full two months as required. I decided to contact I’m finally since I didn’t hear anything from him during the NC period. In that time I worked on myself and accomplished quite a bit. Needless to say he replied to my text messages and we were chatting for a few hours about how his life was. Suddenly he abruptly ended the conversation. Then I decided that if he wanted to tall to me again, he would be the one to have to make contact. I didn’t hear from him for a day and a half so I decided to shoot him another text to see how his day went. He ended up again chatting with me for about an hour, then I saw him standing outside my work. Strangely enough after that he again abruptly ended the conversation and I haven’t heard from him since.

I don’t know what to do now, he responded positively to my texts but I don’t want to keep having to be the one who reaches out to him, partly because i’m stubborn and partly because I feel that if he wanted to chat with me, he would message me. Right? Should I text him again? And if so when should I text him? Or should I wait for him to text me now?

Patric

February 27, 2016 at 3:25 pm

I’m not entirely sure why he was there. I mean, this would be the first time I have seen him since we we broke up.

He’s the one ending the conversations by not replying, not me. It just seems that he’s talking to me just to be polite.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 28, 2016 at 12:14 pm

That’s okay.. You can do it next time.. Don’t let the conversation drag too long.. You can use the tide theory.. It’s mentioned in this blog post.. Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 27, 2016 at 9:56 am

Hi,

Why was he standing outside of your work? it’s ok that you’re one starting, what’s more important is you’re the one ending it and how you end it

Elizabeth

February 24, 2016 at 2:18 am

Hello, My boyfriend of a year and a half broke up with me 6 days ago. We had had a few issues on and off, some of which I was responsible for, but I had been visibly working on them and was genuinely improving, while he didn’t do anything to fix things on his end. The main reason he said he wanted to end it was that he didn’t think we communicated enough. I’m a very quiet person who would much rather talk face to face, and I don’t particularly like to talk via text or Facebook. The trouble is, he didn’t make very much effort to talk to me either, although he seems to think he does. To make matters worse, whenever I upset him, he would punish me by cutting me off and refusing to see or talk to me, usually for a couple of days. By the last time it happened, I thought this meant he wanted time to calm down, so I waited 3 days to contact him. He then turned on me and asked why I waited 3 days to apologise (he did deserve an apology). I was taken aback, because this was a total mixed message, and I feel like he was putting the burden of communication completely on me. My question is, in terms of the NC rule, do you think it’s a good idea in my case, where communication was the problem to begin with? He’s commented on some of my Facebook posts and has not changed his relationship status, only hidden it, but has not reached out. I can’t tell if he’s really done with me, or if he’s waiting for me to make the first move again, and it’s doing my head in. Thank you in advance for your input.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 24, 2016 at 12:20 pm

Hi Elizabeth

talk calmly first, if h
it really doesn’t work out then that’s when you do nc

M

February 22, 2016 at 1:41 am

My ex-fiance (bf of 6 years) broke up with me officially last night, and started NC. Although he himself told me that he won’t contact me at all, that maybe we just need time away from each other and need to miss each other..I know he won’t contact me at all. He broke up with me because he didn’t feel he was good enough and had ego issues (felt emasculated) as I was the one driving the relationship. He also has issues about me possibly not believing on him, though we ended things in a positive light. He knows what he’s letting go of, I just don’t think NC would still work out between us. What do you think?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 23, 2016 at 8:50 am

Hi M,

ok just to be sure.. let it cool for three days..then try to talk to him about the solutions you can do for the relationship

Lilian

February 18, 2016 at 6:13 pm

Hi,
my bf broke up with me coz we will be in a long distance relationship. He made it clear that he will never change his mind coz he knew we won’t work it out. We had only 2 months together and he thinks we dont have a future. I could feel that he also likes me (maybe not as much as i like him), and i begged him for a chance to try again but he still refused. The NC period started on 15 and right now I am pretty okay with it coz i feel like theres a chance that things will change as long as i wait for some time and tell him my thoughts after nc. But im still worried coz he’s really hard to catch. sometimes hes really stubborn that nothing could change his thoughts but sometimes he makes decisions out of emotions and he will change his mind after that.
SO question is,
do you think such a guy would change his mind?
and what should i say to start talking? im thinking about ‘Hey’, how does it sound?

thank you so much!

Lilian

February 19, 2016 at 10:15 am

thanks for the reply!

he said he doesnt want to be friends with ex gfs.. so we’re now totally no contact and i think we can only be either gf bf or strangers… he said he won’t come meet me even if i go to his city after breaking up… and not even reply me …

was he really thinking that way when he said it? i hope he was just pretending to be determined to hold back his feelings…

my plan is to try talk to him after a few weeks and tell him to give a chance

do you think it works ?

…..

i promised myself not to talk to him until end of feb.. and i’ll ‘hey’ him… is that okay??
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 19, 2016 at 11:32 am

maybe he just said that because you recentlu broke up.. give him time.. but once you text again, don’t ask him for another chanve..that’s too risky.. but if he really doesn’t like being friends with his exes, that means you have to attract him some oher way.. maybe through posts..but that means he has to contact you first

Also, hey is too short.. it’s also a text that he can easily ignore
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 19, 2016 at 8:19 am

Hi Lilia,

of you’re already long distance now, one probable way is start being frienda again while you’re away.. of your friendship is good even long distance, he might think about trying to be in a long distance relationship

Serena

February 16, 2016 at 11:16 am

There is another situation not addressed. My ex broke up with me because he needed to “work on himself” and never felt good enough for me. So by letting me go – he feels like he is doing me a favor. So his “love” for me is stopping him from contacting me and letting me move on. Will No Contact still work?

Also – If you break no contact, and start from scratch again. Have you blown your chances?

Thanks for your amazing website! Will let you know if I win him back 🙂

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 16, 2016 at 1:18 pm

in a way it will, because you’re giving him time to fulfill what he said while you maintain being you..

Ahm, not really blown your chances.. but the more you do nc, the less the effect

MH

February 16, 2016 at 7:26 am

I feel like my ex doesn’t miss me at all 🙁 not only has he not contacted me, his social media updates look like he’s living the fun life he said he wanted to live. I’m still in the middle of my NC period and now I just don’t know if there would be any reason for me to even keep going..

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 16, 2016 at 12:37 pm

Hi MH,

have you been doing the same as he is?

Loverboy

February 16, 2016 at 2:59 am

I hope at some point my ex-girlfriend reads this article. I miss her so bad.
Alina

February 14, 2016 at 8:40 pm

Hi. Its been 13 days now and he did not contact me at all… he broke up with me and called me very rude names, he yelled at me and told me that he wont ever come back to me again… Im talking about my ex-boyfriend who is a stubborn and strong nice-looking guy, and he is 33 years old.
Our relationsship has been the most unstable relationship ever, for 5 years we have been back and forth because of his attitude towards a more serious and intimate relationship. He always broke up with me and after NC got back in my life and did the same thing over and over again. I have been the perfect girlfriend for so many years and always had hope and believed in him… until this time, 2 weeks ago when he logged in to my facebook and saw old conversations with other guys that i have had, (during our breakup times), and a few “pokes” that i did on other guys long time ago, also many guys he did not recognize had liked my pictures and he also saw 2 conversations with two guys, (also during our break-up period). BUT he got so angry and dissapointed anyway, he told me that i have been lying to him and that i have been a false person towards him. He said that this was so surprising because he always thought that i was i loyal girl (as i always told him that) and did not even look for other guys…. he said that i have been cheating on him and that i have been lying and playing with him. I wasnt expecting him to see all that on my facebook, and i just had forgotten to delete all the old stuff, (the conversations, the pokes and the comments and the likes on my pictures), i got so afraid so i went online at the same time as he was online on my facebook, and deleted all the stuff. Then he got more angry and said “WHY DO YOU DELETE EVERYTHING IF YOURE TELLING ME THE TRUTH ABOUT NOT HAVE BEEN IN CONTACT WITH ANYONE??”…. i didnt have any good answer so i said “BECAUSE THIS IS SO UNNECESSARY FOR YOU TO SEE, THIS IS OLD STUFF AND IT WAS WHEN WE WE HAD BROKE UP FOR 1-2 MONTHS”. He didnt believe me and he didnt want to listen to anything i said:(….. and now im so afraid that he really dont want to talk to me anymore 🙁 im so afraid of losing him 🙁 he is considering this as cheating… he thinks that i have been up to cheating all the time just because he saw this on facebook:( what should i do??? i really dont want to contact him again because i feel like if i do, he will just get more angry and it will just bigger his pride against me 🙁
Please help… will NC work ???? I can wait for 2-3 months if i have to 🙁 i just want him to realize that i didnt cheat… 🙁 really i didnt 🙁

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 15, 2016 at 7:42 pm

Hi Alina,

You already told him you didn’t and it’s up to him to believe it or not. The only thing you can control now os how you handle your emotions when people don’t believe you..
You can wait for his anger to subside and explain again but if he still doesn’t believe after that, then it’s not your problem anymore..

Sarah

February 13, 2016 at 11:47 am

I don’t think my ex situation worked with NC. I was seeing this guy for about three weeks and he decided out of the blue to end it. I was very torn up about it and told him to never contact me again. From there he called me a bunch of names and then I haven’t heard from him since. I’ve been in NC for two months now, haven’t seen, phoned,called, emailed nothing and he hasn’t tried to contact me either- at least not in the usual ways. About two weeks after he ended it with me, his best friend started hanging around me a lot, coming into my work, adding me on Facebook, asking me how I was doing. While after the break up he trashed me and started a bunch of rumors about me to this guy. I’ve ignored his friend, and have given him no insight into my life and have just focused on myself, hitting the gym, throwing myself into my work, going to school. I’m starting to think he’should totally over what happened between us since it’s been two months and he still hasn’t reached out to me. Your thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

Sarah

February 14, 2016 at 1:15 am

Well I don’t have his phone number and he doesn’t have any social media accounts so I haven’t been able to initiate contact with him. I can’t help but feel that if he wanted to talk to Mr he would, and he just doesn’t. I’ve asked his friends about him but they just say “he’s good”
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 14, 2016 at 6:43 am

Oh,… but he has your number? If he has, you’re right, if he’s interested he should have contacted..
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 13, 2016 at 1:52 pm

For two months? why not initiate contact?

ANON

February 10, 2016 at 1:07 pm

Hey! So I’m on day 19 of NC and my ex hasn’t contacted me. He did tweet a bit here and there indirectly saying he misses me but made no effort. It’s like he wants me to text him first, idk. Is it just bc he has so much pride right now?

ANON

February 11, 2016 at 3:26 pm

That is true. so will it be better to embark on the 21 day no contact or 30 day
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 12, 2016 at 12:30 pm

if you’re ready to talk to him after 21 days go ahead
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 11, 2016 at 10:25 am

We’re nor sure of that..what if he’s afraid or doesn’t know what to say?

Kelly

February 5, 2016 at 11:20 pm

My ex and I broke up about two weeks ago. I started nc and he texted me twice during, both times I didn’t reply. After a week of nc, he texted me saying he was going to call me later and wanted to know what I was doing the next day. He called me late at night saying he wanted to fix everything and for me to come over the next day. The next day he ignored me and didn’t say a word. I found out he was fucked up (he hadn’t sounded like it) and didn’t even remember calling me. He’d seen the texts he sent tho but most of what he said was on the phone. He didn’t actually want to see me. I was heartbroken all over again and I messed up bad. I became a “gnat” for a day.. Texting and calling him, he ignored everything. Finally I got him to answer but the conversation was short. I restarted no contact, it’s been 5 days, and he hasn’t texted me even a casual text like last time.
I know since he broke up with me he’s been having lots of fun. Doing drugs with his friends and stuff. He sounded chill on the phone, like talking to me didn’t make him feel any way at all. Is there even a chance with me doing no contact anymore or did I just ruin everything? We were only together about 3 1/2 months (we grew very close though) so I’m thinking a month will have him completely over me by then anyways.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 6, 2016 at 1:12 pm

HI Kelly,

It was just a week though, I think a 21 day nc still has a chance. Just make sure to stick to it because the more you do it, the less the effect.

Rebecca

February 4, 2016 at 6:10 am

I think you did a great job with your guide, but I believe I came here with a specific case scenario and that wasn’t addressed. Now, I’m not a nut about this because I know my guy. We’re only 6 days into NC and although he’s texted me once, I know it’s very possible that he may be very quiet during the full period: because he’s a passive person.

You forgot the use case of a guy who’s not entirely stubborn, but more just accepting of things. My guy will see me not answering and assume that’s how it has to be, even if he’s hurting. He’ll be quicker to move on and say, “she doesn’t want anything to do with me and I just have to respect that.” He’s too rational sometimes and won’t let his emotions through, don’t consider that stubbornness; at least not as described here. What you described sounds more like a prideful, ego thing? What about someone on the complete opposite end? He’s less proactive in general. So I just looked this up to get some more support for my thoughts, but I won’t get super depressed if he doesn’t contact me because I know him. I would just note it as, “he hasn’t done anything different than normal” but even then as you said that doesn’t meant it does not work. You should add something in there for the minimal effort/not motivated enough/passive loving guys. Cause the concept that some guys don’t show emotions is very real, and may not be stubbornness. Could be lack of confidence. I’m running in circles now lol bye.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 5, 2016 at 5:16 am

Hi Rebecca,

Thanks for the tip! I’ll let Chris know about that. But even of he’s passive it doesn’t mean he won’t miss you and most of the time 1 month os not enough to move on unless your relationship was shallow and not enough feelings and memories were invested

Amy

February 4, 2016 at 3:04 am

hi,

sorry i haven’t seen your reply so im sending it out again.

i have previous left a post on ” whats the male mind during the no contact rule ” until i found this post, which perfectly describe my ex who is extremely stubborn . we have broken up two months ago and NC for a month. There is no contact from my ex at all , i have talked to him on our 25th days break up then i start over NC for a month again. Before this, we broke up few times and got back together. Our reason of break up was because of he fall out of relationship, he says he don’t see an future with me.

Im just wondering could it be he hasn’t contact me , because he wants nothing to do with me anymore? I’m planning to reconnect with him on the end of march , 2 more months later ( because is his birthday ) , not because i’m stubborn but i just thinking that we should take a longer break time , and slowly reconnect again ( since we have broken up more than once ) Is it even be possible? or will it be too late then. please advise.

thanks for your time.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 5, 2016 at 4:41 am

We don’t know for sure why he hasn’t contacted yet but what’s more important is you make your nc more productive for you.. Make it a healing process for you, so you’re enough to contact him again in March

Jannat

February 3, 2016 at 10:42 am

Hey Chris, I dunno if the no contact rule works in my situation or not. I met this guy about a year ago we’very been intimate for months but when I ask him about us having a relationship he says he isn’t ready, he doesn’t love me as much as I do him and he doesn’t feel the major spark that would push him into a relationship with me. Also we live in different countries. He says am his good friend and it would hurt him to see me with anyone else but I just don’t get why he won’t make me his girlfriend. So I decided to start the no contact rule 4 days ago and he hasn’t bothered to reach out. I love him and I want him to put a name to the relationship we have but it’s like we not on the same page. So will the no contact rule work for me or not.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 3, 2016 at 3:55 pm

Hi Jannat,

We cannot guarantee that it will work 100%. But if he is not taking it to the next level, that means he’s not seeing you interesting enough for the effort. Or he’s just really not ready yet. He says it will hurt him if he sees you with other guys, of course it will because it’s a sense of possessiveness. But that doesn’t mean you cannot try no contact. Try and make it the best month I ever had. Work on yourself, find happiness apart from him, and think about how you would take it if he said that he’s still not ready yet.

Amy

February 2, 2016 at 9:15 am

hi,

i have previous left a post on ” whats the male mind during the no contact rule ” until i found this post, which perfectly describe my ex who is extremely stubborn . we have broken up two months ago and NC for a month. There is no contact from my ex at all , i have talked to him on our 25 days broke up then i start over NC for a month again. Before this, we broke up few times and got back together. Our reason of break up was because of he fall out of relationship, he says he don’t see an future with me.

Im just wondering could it be he hasn’t contact me , because he wants nothing to do with me anymore? I’m planning to reconnect with him on the end of march , 2 more months later ( because is his birthday ) , not because i’m stubborn but i just thinking that we should take a longer break time , and slowly reconnect again ( since we have broken up more than once ) Is it even be possible? or will it be too late then.
Ella

February 1, 2016 at 11:46 am

Hi I’m wondering if NC would work in my situation, and what the odds are of hearing back from him after completing NC. I met this guy off tinder 1.5 months ago, we connected right away and decided to see each other and take it slow (we didn’t label it, and didn’t have the exclusivity talk) He decided to end things early last week, saying he wasn’t in the right place in his life for a relationship with me or anyone- but he still wished to remain friends as he thought I was a really nice cool person. (I’ll add that he’s not from the same country as me, he’s on a work visa until July but wants to extend it if he can) We had made previous plans before things ended to go to a concert together, and he still wanted to go- so I agreed as I wished to remain friends too. We went to the concert mid last week (a day after we ended things), and we both had a really good time- which was difficult at the same time as I felt that the attraction/connection was still strong between us- we have loads in common and get along great. Moral of the story is I still like him 🙁 I haven’t heard from him since the concert, and don’t plan on contacting him first. Do you think there’s still a chance he’ll miss me and want to give it another go after NC? or is it even worth doing NC if he only wants to be ‘friends’?
Thanks so much for your reply!

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 3, 2016 at 4:11 am

Hi Ella,

If you met him on Tinder and didn’t have the exclusivity talk, it seems like you’re not in the same page. He wants a date but you want a relationship. But if you really connect, maybe aim on being the ungettable girl. The girl that he connects with that’s one of a kind

Rachel

January 31, 2016 at 9:12 pm

Hello Amor/Chris,
Continuing my earlier post…Also, is it worth it even pursuing this ‘ex boyfriend recovery’ process when I am not sure if we are going to be in the same location in the near future? He has accepted a job to move to a totally different country .. But as far as my knowledge goes he has not got his visa yet. Should I pursue the recovery approach the way you advised us to go about it? Or is it worthwhile just being friends for now, reopening lines of communication? I do realize our situation is different considering the circumstances. The hope is that he changes his mind about not wanting to do long distance and feels more motivated to close the distance between us..But how do we get him to that stage to wanting that? I am so confused…

Rachel

February 2, 2016 at 8:47 am

I am willing to do ldr until we can figure out a way to be together in the same location…But the reason we broke up is because he was not willing to do ldr.. My thought is especially at this stage when he is still waiting for his visa from the other company in the other country, he felt like he couldn’t give me what i wanted…so he said he cannot go the long distance and i said ok..and we broke up..thats the long and short of it.

So in this case what do I do to convince him that the ldr is worth it..do i stay friends with him and adopt the ex boyfriend recovery process? Or is the ex boyfriend recovery process (texting bible tips etc – post no contact) only if you want him to be ok getting back in a relationship with you?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 3, 2016 at 12:57 pm

You can try to stay connected so he can see that it can work. It’s one way of showing him that it can but if after that he still doesn’t want to, better decide of you can stay in that kind of relationship
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 1, 2016 at 12:22 pm

it depends on you whether you’re willing to work for an ldr or stay friends in the mean time

Rachel

January 31, 2016 at 9:00 pm

Hello Amor/Chris,
In response to my earlier question and your reply (my ex and I broke up due to long distance and we didn’t see the distance closing in the near future) I had an open conversation with him, and he initiated it saying that he does not think he can do long distance and we broke it off. I havent spoken to him for 30 days. In the 30 days he never contacted me but he would ‘like’ my updates on facebook. Now it is day 32. As I mentioned in my earlier post, I feel like waiting for about 2 weeks more before I potentially reach out to him.
My question to you is – why has he not contacted me yet to find out how I am? Isnt that selfish? Isnt he the least bit bothered? Passively choosing to ‘like’ stuff on facebook as opposed to picking up the phone and reaching out to me… Is it ego that is the issue here?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 1, 2016 at 11:31 am

We’re not sure but if it’s ego, I don’t think he will like your posts. Maybe he’s not sure how to approach you

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2,699 thoughts on “What If He Doesn’t Contact You During No Contact?”