What To Do If Your Ex Doesn't Contact You During No Contact- How To Make Him Talk

2,699 thoughts on “What If He Doesn’t Contact You During No Contact?”

lexy

March 25, 2016 at 8:54 pm

hey,

my boyfriend of roughly a year broke up with me 12 days ago. It was a normal break, no fight, no out bursts, just “i don’t see this going anywhere anymore” and “I’m not very happy anymore”. there was no cheating, and really no fighting, but i did have some conversations through out our relationship about how i felt he wasn’t always giving me enough of his attention and how things had become a complete 180 from when we first began dating (he was very attentive and loving and affectionate vs. the only time we really hung out was when i asked etc). He became unhappy with school and work at around 4 months of our relationship and as a result became very inattentive and distant in our relationship, we worked hard with many things to help him figure out why he was unhappy and if we could fix it but it seemed like he had no energy or will power to try anymore. I contacted him 2 days after we broke up asking if he could drop my (very expensive) make up at my front door during the week when he got a chance. he replied and said yeah he could, and i never responded. two days after that he sent me a message saying my stuff was on my doorstep, and i never responded to that either. now it’s been 12 days since our breakup and i have not heard from him. Is this strange or out of the ordinary? should i have heard from him by now? I’m ‘hoping’ that he will realize that his unhappiness was not a result of our relationship or because of me, and begin to miss me, but I’m worried I’ll never hear from him…

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 2, 2016 at 1:57 pm

Hi Lexy,

How are things now?

Kelsey

March 23, 2016 at 10:37 pm

Hello,

Okay so my ex and I had been together for almost two years and were engaged to be married. He broke up with me yesterday but last week he started acting really weird and pulling away from me. He said that he just felt numb to everything and didn’t understand why. Almost our entire relationship has been long distance so when he started acting this way, we stopped skyping and barely spoke with one another. He stopped telling me he loved me and everything. Yesterday morning, I found out he was using our usual skype time to flirt with another girl and I called him out on it and that was initially the reason he said that he broke up with me because I hacked into his account to see what was going on with him. He said we were done and ended it on Facebook, something he had never done. I sent him a very long text later day detailing how I felt and that’s when he told me that he’d known the whole time that he didn’t feel as strongly for me as he had in the past but didn’t know how to tell me (which I don’t believe). Anyway, he made it final over the phone and told me he never wanted to talk to me again. He deleted me off Facebook and when I tried to add him back, he declined it and set his settings so that no one could add him. Since then, I’ve sent him two more FB messages detailing my feelings for him so I’m pretty sure that when he sees them later tonight that he’ll block me. I also sent him two text messages last night and he responded today by sending me a picture of a book for one of his college classes. I texted back and asked what it was for but never heard back. Also, last week he had an interview for a new job and had asked for his start date to begin in May after his visit to see me for my college graduation. I found out today that he had actually changed his start date for two weeks from now so I know for sure he’s not considering seeing me for graduation. I’m starting the NC today and I’m very positive that I won’t hear anything from him during this period. My question is, when NC is over and I make first contact, what do I do if he doesn’t text back at all? Should I just keep extending NC until he does text back? I want to use NC to heal but I only want him. I understand that no method is 100% proof that he could come back to me but is there a point where I should give up and accept that he’s moved on? He’s very stubborn so I know he won’t contact me but I’m ready to start NC and do whatever it takes to get him back. Please help.

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 1, 2016 at 2:52 pm

Hi Kelsey,
SOrry for the late reply. If he doesn’t reply, wait for a week. If he still doesn’t reply after that, make it two weeks, and if still doesn’t reply, that’s when you start to move on…

Ang

March 22, 2016 at 9:28 pm

Hi,
Need a little guidance.
Our break up was Sept 2015 I walked out on him while he was at work due to him making me sick from stress. He apparently broke down to his parents and our kid and I tried to come back less than a week later he changed the lock on the door.
His mother used to love me and now doesn’t, he lives at home with his parents now and his job is contract only.
Not sure if he’s moved on but on the front page of his facebook he still has photos of the two of us together.
I’ve tried a few different ways to talk to him and I’ve had no response.
I’ve gone quiet, did not do the texting, phoning overwhelming contact thing at all and while he did contact me back in December out of the blue it was only because of a bill, and he was snarky.
He used to talk to our adult daughter all the time even talking to her during our evenings but now he won’t respond to texts or phone calls from her but, on rare moments post on her fb with something funny. She has told me he sounds off every time she talks to him and that he told her in Dec that he wouldn’t be considering dating as he wasn’t in the headspace for it etc.
In February this year I emailed about a receipt he had, he had thrown it out.
Next day he emails me to tell me that there is mail at the old place for us both and would I like him to forward it to me, he did and even registered the mail. Found it funny that all the other mail was gone but this was suddenly there for him to send to me, and he spent money to ensure it got to me.
I sent him a card back thanking him and paying him back for the registration. Nothing since that point but he did post something on his Facebook about something I particularly liked.
I doubt it has to do with me but, it seems little things pop up and I wonder, are we too far out of NC or out of the relationship to bother?
Thank you, and sorry for the length of this.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 31, 2016 at 12:39 pm

Hi Ang,

It looks like he needs more time. Just continue being civil to him and friendly. He eventually open up more if he sees he can do it

Jayne

March 22, 2016 at 7:54 pm

I tried to post before but it didn’t work.
Please help.
I’m not sure this works for me. But was seeing a man for over a year who was already with another woman. We had a very intimate affair for this time and would speak or text for hours every day and see each other once or twice a week.
His partner found out about us a few months ago and kicked him out. He told me he wants nothing more to do with me and won’t reply to any of my messages or calls.
It’s now been 4 weeks since I last heard from him and I’m 10 days into no contact. He’s not replied to 4 of the messages I’ve sent since we spoke 4 weeks ago (when he said he wants nothing to do with me).

But, he did fall in love with me and I’m now not sure how he can go from lots of contact daily to complete nothing. Will the nc rule work at all here? How can he not want to talk?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 31, 2016 at 11:00 am

Hi Jayne,

I don’t like saying this but he doesn’t love you. It’s the thrill of having an affair. You’re the cure to the lost desire with his other relationship but that doesn’t mean he loves you. It’s more sexual per say. Move on from him. You don’t deserve to be a mistress.

Cat

March 21, 2016 at 6:37 am

Hey all!
I am doing a slightly extended NC because I don’t want to message him a couple of days before his birthday, but I believe that I’m on day 23 of NC
He basically told me that since we’ve tried dating in the past and that when we broke up, we couldn’t stay friends, that for us, it’s an all-or-nothing kind of deal. He says that as it stands right now, he doesn’t want a relationship with me, but that he has been toying with the idea but it’s not something that would be in the foreseeable future.
My cat died and he reached out and gave me his condolences (I was slightly drunk at the time) and I told him that I was trying to hard to work on myself since I have a lot of mental problems going on, and he said that while he thinks I can get better, that it doesn’t undo what I did in the relationship (being needy, jealous of his friends, controlling, “toxic”, ect) and he was very short with his replies.
He’s been trying to act like he’s over it, his friends have been talking badly about me elsewhere and making false assumptions about me. But I’ve caught him looking at a few different online profiles of mine, and he’s set up something to try to catch me looking at his. He blocked me everywhere except over text (as he knew my cat was dying and he wanted me to let him know) but he’s been slowly unblocking me, little by little, about every two weeks now.
I also ended up seeing a few recent pictures of him, and he’s wearing some of the clothes that I bought for him, and I know that one of them holds sentimental value to him.
Aside from him giving me his condolences about my cat, he has not tried to speak to me at all.
Like I said, I plan on wishing him a happy birthday, but he seems to hold a very negative opinion of me. I can see that he’s hurting over the relationship but the signals he’s been giving off are rather confusing, because part of me thinks that he wants to reconcile but part of me thinks he still loves me but just wants to move on and be done with me. He also seems to be acting different because of the people he’s surrounded by, so that might have something to do with it.

What’s your take on my situation?

Cat

March 22, 2016 at 3:45 am

alright! I didn’t know whether I should be nervous of any of the negative signs he’s been showing. I think he’s rather confused with what he wants, to be honest with you.

Thank you so much!
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 21, 2016 at 11:38 am

Hi Cat,
he’s still in the process of opening up to you.. so just let the days pass, give him more time

Mic

March 21, 2016 at 1:38 am

What would your chances be if you just started no contact now on your ex boyfriend after basically being a GNAT (turning slightly bitter at the end of it) for about a month when they are about to move away for nearly 18 months in a bad reception place? I really do want this guy back…

Mic

March 22, 2016 at 12:09 pm

I’m just wondering about the timing issue. Since he will only get reception in one particular area and he wont use his phone everyday I’m kinda afraid of not being able to build that rapport or do any of those you text, he text, you cut off things and build from there I’ve read about on other articles.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 31, 2016 at 9:09 am

Hi Mic,

It’s okay if you rarely talk because of the reception as long as you have a good talk that he would want to talk again to you the next time. With the I have a confession to make, you have to rely on your real experiences. It can be humorous. That is just to make him respond, so whatever you reply can be anything to very light to moderate. Don’t choose a heavy topic. Like, you’ve always liked basketball like him but you’re just to shy to admit.. something like that.
Mic

March 21, 2016 at 10:45 am

I’m just trying to think of how things might be different if I had to go by email or letter. Obviously they would have to be longer than a text. I’m only 2 days into NC but I like to be prepared. It’s not like we will be able to talk for hours, watch movies on netflix together or skype each other. The internet where he’s going is very poor and cuts in and out. And reception I think is barely 1 bar and only in a certain area. Both of us are very family orientated too and he does have a very large family. His time on the phone will be better spent on them. If he does want to call me I think his time would’ve run out before he’s forced back into his dorms for study. I’m just trying to see if I should try and text him first and worry about him blocking me or not responding (I don’t want to call his phone to check since I’ve started NC) or email/letter him which makes a lot of these ‘text your ex’ things obsolete.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 21, 2016 at 12:14 pm

it’s better if you text him because it’s faster
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 21, 2016 at 9:52 am

Hi Mic,

We can’t give a concrete numver but if you they are moving to a bad reception place then that’s going to be harder

Laura

March 20, 2016 at 1:24 pm

Hi Amor,
My ex broke up with me after we have been dating for 2 and a half months, so soon after the break up I started the no contact rule. It is day 14 and still no contact. On day 7 I noticed that he had been looking at my twitter page and on day 12 he had unfriended me on Facebook. I haven’t contacted him in anyway since the break up and the reason why he broke up with me was because he had too much work on and never had time anymore for me and also even though he originally said that he like me texting him, he then used it as an excuse to ditch me. I feel like I’ve got no chance even though I haven’t done anything wrong and the issues we broke up over could have been sorted out without the necessary need to break up. I don’t know what to do. I feel like giving up!

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 21, 2016 at 4:53 am

Hi Laura

finish nc first.. and be active. make him miss you.. make him regret that he should have given more time for you..

Kris

March 19, 2016 at 3:36 pm

I am losing hope. I dated this guy for almost 2 years. From the beginning he told me he didn’t want a gf or anything serious. We just got along so well and continued seeing each other. I met his family, his friends, went on vacations. Everything seemed great, we were moving slow and I couldn’t be more happier. After a year he still hadn’t told me he loved me and I started to worry. I started nagging him about his feelings and he started going back to “I didn’t want a relationship to begin with.” We had fallen into a trap and both made separate travel plans for this summer that I wanted to work through. After almost 2 years he ended it, because he wasn’t ready to commit to someone and give me what I deserve. He even went on to say how I could be the one he just doesn’t know because he hasn’t experienced life enough on his own. It’s been a little over a month and I am almost to the end of no contact. It still stings, mostly because I feel I have no closure. Why date someone for that long when you know deep down its not what you want? At the beginning of the breakup I cried, begged, and did all the things that would push him away. I started no contact 2 weeks after the break up and I have not heard from him since. I am still in contact with his friends (which probably isn’t a good thing) they say he has moved on. Which hurts even more that he could move on so quickly. Honestly I thought he was the one, I think our relationship scared him because of how well we connected and the fact that he wasn’t ready for that connection yet. His birthday happens to be on the last day of no contact. Should I break the cycle and reach out to him on his birthday? I’m just starting to lose my hope. If he wanted to talk to me he would have. Is there any chance we could work out again in the future?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 20, 2016 at 7:40 am

Hi Kris,

since it’s the last day, it’s ok to message him.. Just be cautious.. if he says he doesn’t want to commit, don’t push it because it will just like when you started.. if he wants to get back with you, don’t get comfortable right ahead..observe if he will go back to being uncommitted

Andrea

March 18, 2016 at 4:04 pm

My ex of 6 years and I recently broke up about 2 weeks ago. The last 3 years it has been a ld relationship. I had a gut feeling that he was cheating and then while he was out visiting me got this text message from someone I don’t know telling me that he was cheating on me with some girl and had been for a while and that all I was to him was his hookup when he came to town. All the while he was telling me how much he loved me and how he was building this future for us. We weren’t talking very much lately as he was always so busy at work (so he said) as he was involved in a couple of different ventures. I forwarded him the text message that I got and he got angry asking who sent that and why is someone always after him. Which made no sense to me. I told him I was happy for him if it was true as his happiness is all that mattered and that I just wished he would have told me himself. He responded with a “why would I want to ruin his sons life back home? And that it made no sense to him. I asked him how I was ruining his son’s life when I did nothing wrong except for love him. Then said I was happy for him and wished him well. He then tried calling me but I was too upset to answer the phone. His last text on that same day was “You could of answered my call”. Never admitting to anything or even trying to explain. I haven’t heard from him since. What are the chances that he is feeling like crap for doing what he did. I am in NC now but in this case don’t feel that it should be me to reach out to him. Should I hold out and wait for him to contact me?

Andrea

March 21, 2016 at 12:54 pm

Hi Amor,

It will be 2 weeks on Wednesday since we last spoke. I hear what you are saying that if he wasn’t guilty he would have done everything he could to prove it to me but his silence speaks volumes. If he does try to contact me, should I respond or keep with the NC. It’s hard forgetting about 6 years. We went through a lot together.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 22, 2016 at 5:06 am

Yes, respond and have a talk.. if he doesn’t contact you and while you’re in nc..use it for yourself.. after that investigate first if he is really cheating in you before initiating a contact with him but of course be discreet
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 19, 2016 at 3:19 pm

Hi Andrea,

How many days are you in now? If he’s really telling the truth, he would have done his best to tell you that he’s not cheating..

Jennifer

March 18, 2016 at 9:02 am

Hi, I have a relationship for 3 years and a half, we’ve dated since high school. In our relationship we went through a lot of things, I always try my best to take his hand no matter what happens, and we did have a great time together. Unfortunately, he had to go the army for 1 year and a half, in that period of time, when I felt so lonely I had a feeling with another guy and my boyfriend knew it, but the feeling and date with that guy only lasted for a few days, due to the fact that my boyfriend begged me back and I did because I truly loved him. The time after that was amazing, I try to go to the army to visit him every week and we had a wonderful time although he was still in the army. Last month he finished his duty and went home, I was so excited and looking forward that I was a bit upset when he spent little time being with me (Im not saying I asked him to be with me 24/24 but its just not enough) , he said he needed time and hope I could understand, but I didnt (or didnt enough), so we had a argument through the phone about his spending time less for me, and he said we wouldnt have any future together…I was surprised and he said to leave him space and time, but what I did was calling and texting him until he said that we were over, and suddenly he mentioned my mistake in the past (dating for a few days with the guy when he was in army) and said he could never forgive that one. Moreover, his dad passed away a few months ago and he was so upset he said he had to way to go now, no person to teach me or show him what to do. I called and apologized and begged him that I would change, but he was cold and hung up to me. After a few days, I went to his house and said directly that if we could have a second chance, I cried a lot and asked him if he still had me in his heart, he said yes but he wants me to focus on my study and we will see each other again (he said he didnt promise anything but we would see each other again.) And he hugged me and said that he still stalked my facebook everyday and “the guy a dated with” to see if we had any move. I was so happy and try to find his new facebook (he deleted his old ones and created a new one without me in his friendlist) and I was shocked when he was commenting and liking this girl’s facebook’s posts, even before we had the fight, so I started to think she was the reason for him being cold, and I called him to ask, but before I even finished my question he said that this had nothing to do with that girl, dont drag her in and we are so over, he told me not to contact him anymore, and he doesnt want to be involved in my life anymore. I told a friend of mine about this whole thing and she message him on facebook telling him about how I feel and if there was any chance of I and him getting back together, he replied that he doesnt feel anything now and asked me to stay away from him, dont mess him up or contact him anymore. After that I started NC for 5 days now and he’s still hasnt called or texted me, but I know he still has feelings for me. What should I do now? Can we have any chance of getting back together? Thanks a lot.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 19, 2016 at 2:07 pm

Hi Jennifer,

I don’t know if he really got pissed or defensive but let him cool off for now.. and it’s good that he’s checking your facebook, in that way you can show him that you’re living your own and you won’t bother him..

Maddy

March 17, 2016 at 2:16 pm

Someone please help! I need answers and no one can give them too me! I’ve been on NC for six days now.

My boyfriend broke up with me two days ago because he felt his feelings have changed and they his heart wasn’t fully in it.?

We started talking this time last year. (I am his sisters bff). After two months of talking he broke it off because he was starting his first real job and it just wasn’t the right timing for us.

A few months later we began talking and officially stated dating in July. Everything had been pretty great for the most part. I was his third person to have sex with and he said I was far the best.

He is one of the best guys I know. Hard working, a true Christian man, loving, caring and generous. He tends to be a perfectionist though and often gets a bad rath from being too perfect (which he doesn’t like). I didn’t use to go to church much but he got me to go each week and I really enjoyed going with him.

At times he could be a little too focused on hisself. Everything we did revolved around his schedule for the most part and he constantly had things to do. I was his first girlfriend in two years. And before that he had been in a relationship where the girl had past away as well as being with a girl for many years and her cheating on him.

Our relationship was always fun. We both don’t drink but always seemed to find things to do. Mainly just dinner on the weekends and hanging out with family. We laughed and were very playful with each other.

He is big on being positive and we had had a few talks about he needing to be with a positive person, and that sometimes I made quite a few negative remarks that bothered him. That was something I had been working on myself, and really felt like I had been improving. We had silly fights but nothing ever got serious and we were over them quickly.

So when he finally told me he loved me, it wasn’t until about a month ago on Valentine’s Day. Now here we are a month later and he is telling me that his feelings have changed and that his heart isn’t fully in it and that I was not fair to me. What do I do??? Help! I’ve never felt like this towards anyone. I truly did love him and I was pretty sure he loved me too. Everything was and had been fine up until a day or two before he ended it. I am beginning to wonder if maybe I was too hard on him (I am a sarcastic person) and that maybe he got tired of it. Or possibly if he made a rushed decision (every decision he makes is rushed and in a hurry). Someone please help asap!!

Maddy

March 17, 2016 at 3:41 pm

I didn’t go last Sunday because I usually go with him. His sister told me that he said it wouldn’t bother him if I came to church and sat with them. He doesn’t want it to be awkward and wouldn’t mind being friends. I just don’t get it because he just told me he loved me and now he doesn’t? I really think it was a rushed decision but I’m not sure what else it could be. Help!
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 17, 2016 at 5:59 pm

He may be being stubborn, stay silent for now, but go to Church this coming Sunday and see how he acts with you.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 17, 2016 at 3:17 pm

Hi Maddy,
it could have been a rushed decision.. If he’s no messaging, it can be because he’s being stubborn.. do you still see each other at church?

Savvy

March 17, 2016 at 5:08 am

Okay, so I’ve been on and off with my ex for over a year. Our breaks or “no contact” in the past has lasted as long as 3 months in the past…Normally it’s me ending it by being upset with his lack of effort in the relationship. However, what he lacks in some effort area’s he makes up in others by treating me like a princess when I’m with him. We’ve gotten as serious as him telling me he loves me in he past. We broke up back in October but remained friends. December he poured his guts to me over a text saying how he loves having me in his life etc etc…We were talking until February 6th. He did something that really upset me- once again related to effort. We stopped texting each other and havent spoken to each other since that day. I miss him, he was my best friend. I want to get back with him more than ever- will the no contact rule work this time (it’ll be the 3rd time used). Every time we do use it we end up getting back together though…

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 17, 2016 at 1:26 pm

Hi Savvy,

you can try but the more you use it, the less it’s effect and it’s either you do it longer and be really active or you improve yourself and be busy massively in the coming days as much as you can and post it in social media to try to present value and make it seem you’re moving on

Em

March 13, 2016 at 8:46 am

It’s been 28 days and heard nothing. I understand what you’re saying that there is no reason the girl cannot reach out, but surely if my ex wanted to speak to me and reconcile he would? Knowing that it’s him who ended it. Call me old fashioned but if a boy wants something i strongly believe he’d go and get it?

Em

March 15, 2016 at 12:57 pm

Hey, no we haven’t spoken yet. He hasn’t said that. He would find it upsetting to be friends too while we both move on. But what I’m asking is, if I don’t initiate contact will he or will the longer it goes it not happen?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 15, 2016 at 3:45 pm

But that’s what he said to his friend right? It’s better to initiate text because at least you tried. You would regret it more if you didn’t because you will never know the outcome.
Em

March 14, 2016 at 1:48 pm

Thank you! Yeah we are in the same friend group but I don’t think I could meet up yet as I’d just get emotional and I think he’d feel the same. He’s told a mutual friend that he’s not gonna message until I’m ready. But ready for what? Ready to be friends or ready to have a conversation about it? He said if he sends me a general message he knows it’ll turn to a conversation about us and he’s not ready for that yet. If more time goes by and I don’t contact do you think he’d reach out? Or do you think the more weeks it goes the less likely he is to initiate? Thank you for your time and help! desperate for any form of advice as I don’t want to text and regret it but equally not text and regret it X
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 15, 2016 at 12:25 pm

You’re welcome.. He basically said he still sees you’re not over him and he just wants to be friends for now and he can see you can’t do it yet.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 14, 2016 at 4:12 am

I understand Em! Actually he should really be.. but sometimes either they’re stubborn or don’t know how to reach out.. But I believe what you say too.. if you want him to initiate, you said you have the same group of friends right? if you hang out together, that can be a first step to talk again or your social media posts can be something he would want to reply or would want to ask for more information..at least that way he would be the one to reach out

Lia

March 6, 2016 at 4:37 pm

Hi Chris and Team
Thanks for the material available on your site. I’ve read through a lot of your articles and whilst there is a plethora of information on the initial activities after a break up, i am struggling to find advice for after the contact, post no contact period.
I have executed 27 days no contact rule. He did not contact me. Following all the texting advice, i contacted him about something material. About a trip he went away for a week on. He replied immediately and we had a nice volley of messages. It was amicable and mature. Neither of us mentioned anything about the relationship. The conversation came to a natural end (it was late and it was a work night).
So what happens now? It’s been 2 weeks, he hasn’t contacted me and i haven’t struck up another conversation either. Do I wait until he reaches out? Or do i come up with another conversation starter (might seem suspicious if i keep striking up conversations)?

The reasons for breakup are not any of the ones commonly mentioned (ie cheating, arguments, nagging, neediness). I am quite an independent women, not needy in relationships but still a gentle nature at the same time. He broke up because of fear of failure. He didn’t think I could be happy with him as I have my goals and dreams and it seems he doesn’t think he can live up to that guy that can support me in them.
We previously had told each other that we loved each other. He is quite a closed book and makes many decisions logically. I’d like some advice on what to do next without being pushy. I am hoping he would contact me to reconcile or discuss the relationship and see if we can work something out. Most of the advice provided is about 1) no contact 2) making first contact 3) first date. Advice on AFTER first contact would be helpful!

Lia

March 7, 2016 at 8:51 pm

Hi Amor
Thanks for your fast reply.
He’s never said he saw it as his insecurities, he couldn’t ‘see it working’. He did say every minute he sways back and forth on the decision on staying together or ending it. When he called it quits, it was over the phone (facetime). I then left it for a week and suggested we talk through it in person. He agreed. We met up, he talked through some of his thoughts, i shared mine and it was great. We resolved many assumptions he had made and he agreed he would like to make it work. He was excited about making it work and started making plans. After the conversation, he went quiet for a few minutes and then said ‘Im sorry, i can’t see it working’. Then he left, and our 27 day no contact began.
He’s a creature of comfort and not risk adverse.
When i did contact him after 27 days, the conversation was amicable and mature. We both had trips away and i asked how his went. He asked questions back like how mine was. Quite generic with topics of the weather and people. Of course, i added in reminders of good times we had and also a bit of humour. I sent him a picture of the views from my trip, then he replied with ‘beautiful’. And that was it. End of conversation. I’m aware that the last response was his reply but it wasn’t with a question or even a sentence. A week has passed now. Do i initiate no contact again or strike up another conversation to talk about?
I have no idea what he’s thinking or feeling as nothing about the relationship was brought up. Advice taken from this site!
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 8, 2016 at 6:46 pm

Try again.. be active daily in this week, to the ride theory this week and then rest for 2 or 3 days next week.. and then try to transition to calls
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 7, 2016 at 2:58 pm

Hi Lia,

it’s ok if you’re the one initiating, what matters most is how the convo went and that you’re the one who ended it and how it ended.. If it’s because of his insecurity, how have you talked about that before? I mean, I know you tried to assure him that it’s not an issue for you, but how did he counter that? Did he say, he’ll work on himself first for you?

Bri

March 5, 2016 at 9:33 pm

Ebr, this is a touchy one and sort of a long story.. Me and “Ralph” met mutually through a friend, we were about 20 when we met. We just messed around though, we never talked about dating each other idk if he liked me then but I didn’t want to date him. we didn’t date until 3 years later when he moved back from another state he had attended college, the entire time, we kept in contact and I even went to see him out of state once. I had a couple serious relationships while he away and we kept in contact, and he reached out to hang out while I was in a relationship. I told him no. ” Ralph”despised my bf because he knew he beat me up. He told me all the time to leave and when I finally did he begged me to give him a chance. And when I did it was wonderful. He really showed me my worth. he became my hero. He was supposed to move to Austin for school.. My parents wanted me to move to San Antonio because my ex was stalking me, so I went ahead and made the move. He ended up choosing Denton. Without even telling me. I found out from Facebook. We broke up. I am very good at the nc rule.. but I rebounded to my ex.. Dumb I know. But I think that caused me to lose him.. I called him once my ex had been put in jail this last time.. I was honestly surprised he answered. But he told me as long as I was done it was okay.. He even told me he loved me during this time period, which was a big deal for him, he said that I was the only one he could see having a future with..I had lied to him though, I wanted revenge on my ex.. Which is no excuse, but I wanted to hurt him.. So I played him. Ralph and I saw each other almost every month in spite of our ldr. He’s driven to me just as I have driven to him. Hell, he even flew for Christmas. And without meaning to I hurt Ralph, the guy I really wanted.. I just played head games with my ex until he got out to tell him what I had done.. Very childish, I get it. But I messaged Ralph and told him I was sorry and that I loved him and missed him. And he said he would forgive me but if i talked to my ex every again, he wouldn’t forgive me. He invited me to come down for a couple days and then ignored me for almost a week, told me he’d been busy at work and that he’d see me the next day. I told him that I wasn’t driving an 8 hour round trip to see him if he couldn’t even text me back. I told him I needed better treatment then what he was giving me. So he said he’d come to me. He promised. He came up with an excuse the next day as to why he couldn’t come.. When the truth was he had gone out and partied and he was probably hungover. I told him I was out on whatever we were..he didn’t even respond. It’s been 31 days since I’ve contacted and the article says its stubbornness but maybe he’s just not into me? I want to text him but I always don’t want to be dumb anymore.. So I’m on a public blog asking for advice.. I really love this guy, but is it possible that it’s all just been a game? so what’s my next move?

Bri

March 6, 2016 at 3:20 pm

No it definitely wasn’t that he was tired or the toxic relationship bc our relationship wasn’t toxic? it was an excuse… He went out and partied at an open mic night before, told me he would get his car fixed at 11 and head here.. He texted me at 3 in the afternoon the next day to tell me he couldn’t come.. Like he got his car fixed at 11 but couldn’t text me until 3 to tell me he wasn’t coming? He was hungover. Which I even would’ve been more understanding and not flipped had he been the least bit remorseful about letting me down. Can you not answer this one with a question.. can you shoot me straight. Given the inoformation provided what am I to do.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 7, 2016 at 2:01 pm

Oh sorry bri.. I had to understand further so that I don’t advise you incorrectly..
With all the effort he did before, I think he really liked you and he’s not playing you.. I think he got tired or lost trust in you because of what happened between you and your ex who is in jail.. He may have said he has forgiven you but he’s human.. It’s the only reason that makes sense, especially when he ignored you for a week right after that.. I’m not saying it’s all your fault, from your description, when you said he chose Denton without telling you it means there’s is lack of proper communication.. What if he’s being distant because he is thinking you were playing him too like what you did with your ex?
From being your hero to someone who doesn’t respond when you broke up, total opposites right? Coz it can mean he’s fed up… If you didn’t talk for a month now, you can try to initiate contact if you’re not blocked.. guage how he is with you first before opening up about the relationship. Ask him how he is, or do the memory text first..

You can check this post out for texting tips: Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)
Bri

March 6, 2016 at 8:03 am

Well yeah. He promised me he’d come see me, spit a little game, and then the next afternoon made up an excuse as to why he couldn’t come.. Hes tried to reach out to me a few times when we’ve fought in the past but not this time. The only thing he’s done is like an Instagram post of mine, but it’s been over a month and we haven’t talked at all. I miss him but I don’t want him to think the way he was treating me was acceptable. He’s the one who showed me better.. I don’t get it. Should I text him or just move on?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 6, 2016 at 8:19 am

hmmm.. could it be that he got tired of the toxic relationship? And also, are you sure that he just made an excuse?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 6, 2016 at 7:36 am

Hi Bri,

correct me of I’m wrog, ralph is the guy that rescued you from you bf that beats you and went to jail? But now, you think Ralph might be playing games wit you?

Irene

March 5, 2016 at 10:26 am

My ex and I have been together for 5 months, lived together and started talking about marriage. Everything was fine. The first relationship for both of us where we finally found the one. Then a week ago he had what seems to be a panic attack or a nervous breakdown or something of that sort. and he took off. after a week of hell where I couldn’t get any answers, he came to talk to me. It seems has been through some insane emotional trauma, he has no idea what is going on with him, he looked like hell. He said he loves me so much, and he was sure I was the one. He said he now knows he needs therapy and that he has some issues he must deal with. I felt how all his tension relaxes when we were together, but he kept insisting he needs to take of this alone. No matter how much I pleaded with him to let me support him during this time, he said he can’t drag me with him during this. I promised I won’t contact him, but the next morning I did. He said he’ll be ok and asked me how I was, i said i felt better (i lied, but I didn’t want to make him feel like crap) and i told him that he forgot some stuff over in our (now my) apartment, and that i love him and want him to return to me when he feels better and sent him a funny video to make him laugh. he sent a smiley face and I haven’t heard from him since (it’s been 2 days NC). I am going crazy. insane. I miss him. I walk around feeling like he just gave up on us, he’ll never talk to me again, how can he not reach out? i know he loves me, so doesn’t he miss me? doesn’t he want to see how i am or what i’m doing? after 30 days he will drift apart from me and never come back.

Please help 🙁

Irene

March 5, 2016 at 4:26 pm

Because the longer you don’t see or hear from someone, the further you drift away from them.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 6, 2016 at 6:14 am

that’s the reason why we mostly recommend upto 45 days, sometimes longer if the situation needs it, it’s because 45 days is still within he 66 days of making and breaking a habit.. therefore the habit of him thinking about you…
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 5, 2016 at 10:54 am

Hi Irene,

why do you think he won’t come back? If the problem is really only about himself then that can also mean he just needs time to heal but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you

Tina

March 2, 2016 at 10:49 pm

So…
My boyfriend and I recently broke up… and by recently i mean 2 days ago.. We’ve been dating for 2 years
We are the typical on and off couple who break up over small things like me getting upset because I haven’t seen him in 4 days and we’ve barely talked and then i usually GNAT until we get back together and the same thing over and over and over again, 2 days ago we got into a big argument because he showed me a picture of an inappropriate meme a female tagged him in, I presumed to go behind his back and go into his phone to read the conversation between him and his female high school friend who he claimed was JUST his friend that he knew a very long time ago
I found messages of him flirting( not her, just him), although not sexual, they were actually very hurtful, as i should mention that my boyfriend is not an emotional person and is not romantic at all.. doesn’t believe in marriage or kids and is usually the person to say I love you only because i said it to him first
He said things like she was very pretty, he thinks they would end up being married and living on a farm, complimenting her saying “my wife <3' when she sent a selfie..
I proceeding to ask him if we could talk about it as soon as he came back and he then stormed off and left, and broke up with me via whatsapp telling me i invaded his privacy and that i am sneaky and that I think that his wrong is worse than mine, and that there was no getting pass this… then proceeded to block me on whatsapp and calling his phone…
I am going to attempt on doing the 30day NC, although I am quite sure he will not contact me, as he has a lot of pride and is very stubborn and doesn't like to talk about emotions, and doesn't like to admit he's wrong or doesn't say sorry first
Any advice?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 3, 2016 at 11:39 am

Hi Tina,

he’a definitely guilty.. it looks like more than just flirting too.. it’s like he’s pursuing her.. continue with nc first and also think about if you trust him enough to get back with

Rachel

February 29, 2016 at 9:23 pm

So continuation from where my ex and I are.. And a quick summary so you understand the context.. My ex and I had been dating 9 months in Country Y… We broke up last year due to long distance. You see, I moved to Country X for a new job and he is Country Y. He was applying to Country Z as that was his dream job/place. I really wanted to make an effort for the long distance relationship until the time we can physically be together..I may have mentioned at the time…that the only way I can move to Country Y (Cause the job/visa process is too complex there) is if I have a ring on my finger…
As soon as I moved to Country X he was not very communicative (even though we were still in a relationship.. When I went back home on holiday we broke up. I initiated it (in terms of asking him where his mind was at, and why does he not communicate with me more (call me text me etc…) he told me he cannot do this long distance relationship now.
Fast forward to 2 months later (after I successfully completed the no contact rule) we have been texting.. Its been natural. My life has been very interesting – I am taking a course that I am passionate about, apart from my job that I love, exploring the new city/country I am in..
My ex has finally got his papers for his new job in Country Y and is moving there in 3 weeks time he says. I casually mentioned that I am excited for him and that we should talk some time if he feels like. He told me that he would like to talk and what time works for me.
My question to you is: Do I talk about our past relationship when I skype with him? How do I behave? Do I show how happy I am here? DO I tell him that I still miss him, think about him? Do I ask him anything else? Do I try and find out how he dealt with the break up? I am really confused as to how I behave on Skype.. Or Should I just be positive and be his friend and supportive? Considering this is a new phase of his life.. Please help me.. I wrote this long story so that you understand the context and you can give me your advice 🙂

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 1, 2016 at 3:03 pm

Focus in today first.. you’re rebuilding the relatuonship, so focus your enery on that, if you bring that past up this early, it might cause him to have second thoughts talking to yoi

Yani

February 29, 2016 at 6:39 pm

Hi,

It has been 11 days since the breakup. I was checking his Facebook last week and saw he posted a status saying, “being single sucks now I have to make my own meals!” I found it so rude that I purposefully liked the status. Within seconds he sends me a text saying, “I did that s*** on purpose because I know you’re looking at my page!” He then sends another text asking for his gate pass back. I sent a text saying I’d return. I mailed it back to him. Since then, no contact. I have been checking his social media. He has been posting often which is unusual. He posted a status saying, “nothing is permanent..” I’m trying not to over think these status’ but I know he knows I’m looking. He seems so angry with me. The break up was amicable. I should be the one who is angry not him. He seems so angry with me. Like he just wants me gone for good. I don’t understand it. He hasn’t reached out to me and I haven’t reached to him. We have had problems in the past and I’ve always had to be he one to fix things. This time I just can’t. He broke up with me, but I’m afraid he will never initiate contact. He is extremely stubborn and feels I contributed to the break up so he left. Should I conclude that he wants nothing to do with me since he is so angry? Are these status updates for me to initiate contact? Is he looking for a reaction?

Yani

March 15, 2016 at 5:59 pm

Hi,

I understand the importance now of NC. After a breakup, there are so many emotions. He sent me text messages and posted hurtful things on Facebook to get a reaction out of me. I realize he wanted to know I was still going to chase him around as I’ve always been the one to fix our problems within the relationship. Last Thursday I sent a text telling him to come pick up his furniture and he never responded. That was fine with me and I expected it, but I sent it so I wouldn’t have any further excuses to contact him again. I will not by any means contact him again. Eventually he will realize I’ve given up chasing him because I’m sure that is the impression I gave. I feel so foolish. I’m trying my best to move on with my life in the event he doesn’t come around. He may call me one day or he may never. Either way, NC is probably to best way to allow things to fall into their rightful place. Do you think I still have a chance of him contacting me if I there was low contact for the first
3 weeks after breakup? Now he will eventually realize I won’t be contacting him anymore. It has almost been a month since we broke up.
Yani

March 10, 2016 at 11:21 pm

Why is he posting hurtful things on Facebook and then deleting it? Do I need to start nc or is all hope lost?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 11, 2016 at 12:07 am

You’re welcome Yani… Stop contacting him now.. you would just appear to be chasing because he’s not responding… rest for a while from everything.. of after two weeks he still hasn’t initiated, it’s better to try to move on
Yani

March 10, 2016 at 8:43 pm

Hi amor,

Thank you for always responding. You don’t know how much it is appreciated. He never ended up responding back to me. I don’t know what his intentions were when he sent that text, but I know he doesn’t have any intention of patching things up with me. He has furniture stored at my parents house. I sent him a text telling him to give me a time and day that he will pick it up. He didn’t respond to that either. I looked on his Facebook and he posted something about “giving women a little attention and then they want to act like princess Diana!” He later deleted it. He knows I am watching and he is just playing with my emotions. I’m assuming he is already seeing other women. He does not want to hear from me or speak to me. What do you think is going on here and what should I do?
Yani

March 9, 2016 at 6:44 pm

Hi amor,

I ended up replying to him. I told him that I wanted to save the relationship and ultimately the decision is his. Our situation is a bit complicated. He ended the relationship because of my negative mindset but also because he has children from a previous relationship. I have none. I want children, he doesn’t want anymore. I am ok with not having children if the circumstances are not right but I wanted it to be an option at the time. He doesn’t know my views on having children he just assumed I wanted children and that it was a deal breaker. I am thinking he cares and loves me but has made this decision to separate because it is what’s best. I don’t think I will hear from him again and if I keep texting, I will be making a big fool of myself. He hasn’t responded to my text. I don’t know what to do.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 9, 2016 at 9:50 pm

Actually I think you need to work onnyour mindsey..because beung pessimistic wil just make things worse.. you’ll act upon being pessimitic even if things are good
Yani

March 8, 2016 at 11:16 pm

I sent the apology text on Saturday and he responded saying I’ve been thinking about you a lot. Haven’t heard from him at all after that. He knows that I didn’t want this breakup. He knows I want to save the relationship. I don’t know what this all means. I’m just confused. What do i do? If I send him another text, he probably won’t reply.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 9, 2016 at 6:39 pm

Isn’t that ap positive response from him? why do you think he won’t reply?
Yani

March 4, 2016 at 7:36 pm

I’m halfway through NC. As my emotions are settling, based on previous problems I’ve had with him, I will likely not hear from him through nc. Also, what lead to the breakup was my negative mindset. im almost certain I will not hear from him because this was my fault. I believe I owe him an apology and even that he might not want to hear from me. I’m becoming more and more discouraged. There is no indication he misses me or will consider reconciliation even if he is no longer angry. The first week, he was posting frequently on Facebook. This week, nothing. All kinds of things are going through my mind. Maybe he forgot about me? Maybe he found some own new? Maybe his mind is made up and he will never reconsider? I don’t know if it’s even worth a try. He expressed he didn’t think our relationship would have a future because he didn’t think I would change. He said I would always doubt him. I’m thinking at the end of NC I will offer an apology. I don’t think he will respond. Maybe I should save my dignity and move on if he doesn’t respond to my apology? If he wanted to be with me, regardless of who was right or wrong, he would find a way to make things right.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 5, 2016 at 9:06 am

hmmm…. if you’re still constantly worrying and thinking about negative things, that means you’re still pessimistic but of course it’s not an instant fix, just keep on assuring yourself that it will do no good to worry… and also if you really want to apologize because you haven’t done that, that’s ok.. but be careful where you’re coming from.. do that because you want to move on from those mistakes..but don’t do that just tk get him back.. and if he’s still holding those mistakes against you after you’re sincere apology, it’s better to move on
Yani

March 1, 2016 at 3:04 pm

Thank you for responding Amor. After reflecting, I realized I said a lot of things to him that were very disappointmenting. I can see now why he would be offended and angry with me. I didn’t even remember saying these things. The last few days before breakup were such a whirlwind. I went back and read the text messages I sent him days preceding breakup. Ive taken a good look at my actions which I can see lead to the breakup. He said the day of break up that his decision was for the best. Does that mean it is final? Should I conclude that he doesn’t want anything to do with me?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 1, 2016 at 4:54 pm

Maybe that time he was firm…but it doesn’t mean it won’t change
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 1, 2016 at 2:18 pm

I remember you yani… that can be his way of getting yiur attention but talking to him while he’s angry will not do any good.. he’s just going to pour his anger in that convo

Lo

February 29, 2016 at 3:51 pm

Hi EBR Team,

I need a little help. I’ve gone through the website multiple times and I am on day 8 of NC. I was with my ex for almost 2 years, we lived together, he was planning on popping the question (he took me to look at rings, told our friends, would talk about marriage and our future often), we bought a puppy together, etc.
He broke up with me after thanksgiving with his family. Now, he is the last of his siblings to get married, his older sister was divorced and remarried and I think part of that scared him. His parents told him “breaking up is cheaper than divorce” so instead of him talking to me about his feelings or uncertainty, he just ended it. Now, he has a “if it’s meant to be, it will be mentality”. We didn’t have an argument. The only thing that really changed about our relationship was buying the puppy that took our focus solely off of each other, and to this new addition to our family.
We went back and forth on our emotional rollercoaster together for the next 2 months until we were both able to leave our old apartment together. When things were good, they were awesome and like old times. He was taking me out on dates and holding me hand, etc. Then, it’s almost like he realized he was getting close again and would bail. Now, all he’s doing is drinking a lot and traveling to get out of the city.
What do I do? I do have a gut feeling our chapter together isn’t over, but I haven’t seen anything on the site about when it’s a family that intervenes and causes the break up. I don’t know what to do other than NC and I am really looking for some guidance. We are in our late 20s so any insight is greatly appreciated.

Lo

March 7, 2016 at 6:40 pm

Okay, so he wants us to grab lunch when he gets back from vacation. All of his texts to me have been lengthy. I asked if he’d ever consider committing to me again, and he said “i don’t know. Let’s be friends and see where it goes”. Does that mean I should just move on?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 8, 2016 at 3:32 pm

nope, it means you have to take it slow…
Lo

March 1, 2016 at 2:01 pm

He said he no longer saw a future with me and doesn’t know why he changed or what happened. Now, every time we went away with his family, his mom would always question him with “are you happy? are you sure you’re happy? I just want to make sure” which i think can create unnecessary doubt. The entire last trip we went on with his family he was extremely affectionate, we took our christmas photos together, etc so I was totally blindsided to be dumped a few days after.
Like I said before, we’ve hung out a few times since technically breaking up and it’ll go great for a few days, and then he just wants to be alone. Our last conversation was “I miss you, but it’s not like you think I do” and how “he has no feelings whatsoever, but maybe in the future we can get back together because if it’s meant to be it will be”. I did beg for awhile and keep trying to talk about the relationship and he flat out told me that pushes him further away.. I guess I’m just at a loss. Is it just cold feet? How do you correct that?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 1, 2016 at 4:50 pm

Nc is also the step i have in mind..so continue your nc because it’s like a reset
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 1, 2016 at 1:09 pm

Hi Lo,

what was the problem? Why did you broke up?

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