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Post categories
Lisa
June 19, 2016 at 11:11 am
During NC, my ex messaged me. He asked me where i was. i told him. But then he said that the message was for someone else and sorry, sent by mistake. After two days, I get his message asking me if I wanted to come to his place. I did’t reply. Again after two days or so, got his same message, if i wanted to meet. We talked much at that time. And then, i mistakenly sent him our chat screenshot which i wanted to send to a friend, telling him about his coming message. I mistakenly did so!!
After that, he didn’t message :/
what’s going on in his Mind. What should I do???
Lisa
June 25, 2016 at 2:46 am
he texted me during nc. firstly he texted me if i wanted to come to his place. when i replied, he said that the message was for someone else. Again, he did me the same message. I said that i was busy and after that, no message did come. What should i do now?
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 28, 2016 at 10:22 am
YOu should restart no contact.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 21, 2016 at 4:34 pm
when he didn’t message, what did you say?
Lor
June 17, 2016 at 6:38 pm
I started no contact 7 weeks ago. I have no broken it. The only time I heard from him via text is when he found out from my car mechanic that I was proceeding to move out of state without him. He sent a text that my belongings were in my sisters driveway and to have a nice life. I did not respond. He’s the stub or sort of guy. A lot of pride and I left him after a nasty exchange he started. I don’t know where to go from here. I did buy the No Contact book and am following it but I’m feeling a little vulnerable right now. We were married, divorced but stayed together for a total of 15 years. Any suggestions?
Lor
June 19, 2016 at 1:06 am
Continue with absolutely no contact, right?
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 21, 2016 at 5:52 am
that’s ok lor.. if you want to visit your dogs, that’s fine with no contact too just be sure that you don’t talk about the relationship and your feelings.. and that you’re active with other things.. with other activities. because it’s purpose is to help you heal but you won’t heal if you’re not doing anything.. You don’t have to be so serious when you meet, you can be nice and civil.. just avoid being too engaging with him..
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 18, 2016 at 10:35 pm
Hi Lor,
stay on track..he probably expects you to start talking to him.. in a way, him being pissed shows he still care..
Sandy
June 15, 2016 at 1:11 am
Hello, so my situation is I had been with my ex for almost 6 years. There was a LOT of breaking up throughout the years, never me breaking up, but him. This time around he said he just doesnt feel the same way and even that hes not attracted to me. Which I did not take personal whats so ever because I take care of myself and am gorgeous, but i still wonder… like why doesnt he anymore? Also that he just got bored with the relationship. I cant argue with any of this cus its not like we got in an argument, although he was upset and mean when he broke up with me. The difference with this break up and the last ones are Im not contacting him and begging and being needy, which sadly I’ve done everytime in the past. This time around I’ve only texted him a fews times recently after the breakup and he just reconfirmed that we weren’t getting back together. Its been almost 2 weeks since we’ve talked. Im trying the no contact rule in hopes that i cant actually make him miss me and feel as if i really am gone, but I’m scared too that he never will reach out ro me. He stubborn as well. Plus his mom as told me that he said he misses me but doesnt text me? So I’m confused. I wanna text so bad but i just really wanna see this time if he really loves me, he’ll reach out to me. Deep down i do feel like he loves me, but time is showing me otherwise. Any outside advice would help, thanks
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 17, 2016 at 8:41 pm
Hi Sandy,
bored can mean there was no variety in the relationship. Especially 6 years in, it can really get boring.. Are you actively improving yourself? Take this time to do the things you haven’t when you were with him. Get out more with your friends and start new hobbies. build your self esteem. Interest is piqued when there is mystery, and mystery is created when there is space and something new between you and him.
Sasha
June 14, 2016 at 11:26 am
Hi! I am at day 30 of the no contact rule, but in our last conversation my ex told me to delete his number and he blocked me on Facebook, so I can’t contact him. I haven’t heard from him at all during the last 30 days. In your experience, is there a chance I will ever hear from him again?
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 17, 2016 at 4:19 pm
Hi Sasha,
why did he block you? Most of the time we suggest 45 days if you were a gnat.. and were you active in improving yourself and also in posting in social media even if you were blocked?
Desiree
June 12, 2016 at 4:42 am
Hi! First off Amor, I love that you respond to all of the comments. It sets this website apart from the rest. I dated my boyfriend for 3+ years. I actually wasn’t attracted to him at first, but we kept meeting through mutual friends and became inseparable. 1st year we had separate apartments, but saw each other everyday. 2nd year we moved in together, which worked. I actually lived with three other guys (his 2 brothers and his friend) for 1 year 1/2. We would travel on road trips for a week each year and never ran out of things to talk about, it just came simple. He has an issue communicating and kind of shuts of. I’m a communication major and completed get that men communicate differently than women. I was the first girl he’s been in a long-term relationship with, know his whole family, as we spend holidays together, and etc. We really have/had a special relationship. I could call him now if i’m in an emergency and he would be there, plus he’s one of my best friends.
He was offered a job in Nashville and somehow was able to switch locations with a co-worker so he could stay in our same town and together. We were going to do the LDR thing. I realized that I didn’t like living with three other guys and decided to move out for myself. A few months after I moved out, he was offered a promotion/position in another town about two hours away; this began our LDR. We have mutual friends were we live and in the town he is about to move to. Two girls in particular he’s been in sketchy situations with, but I didn’t consider them a threat, expressed my concerns and we moved on. He began inviting these two girls out with him and while we all use to hang out together, he hangs out with them one on one except my friends nor him told me about it. I had to find out from one of my best friends from a sketchy snap chat post of them drinking together. I think he likes the attention they give him and I think they like the attention that he gives them. I’m not sure if there’s been cheating..
Either way, I broke up with him 3 months ago and spoke with my friends about how hurt I was. They haven’t recached out to me, so I haven’t spoken or seen them in months, but he has reached out to me constantly. Last NC with him ended within 2 days. He’s wanted to see me, but I won’t give in or inconvenience myself to see him in person even though we’ve talked and text.
I’ve begun the NC and it’s been 10 days. He text me 5 days ago with a picture of his nephew that I adore, saying ” I know you hate me right now, but I thought you’d like this.” I didn’t respond and it killed me, but I’m doing the NC for me not him. I’ve forgiven my former friends and him, I haven’t forgotten. Unfortunately, I think he’s the one, but I respect and love myself more than him. I hope he comes around, but if he doesn’t the NC will help me get over him. As crazy as it is, this is the longest that we haven’t spoken. I’ve deleted him from all social media too. We had a LDR, should I be doing the 30 days or 60 days no contact? Am I naive to think he’ll come around? Reason being, I usually get over a guy within a year and let them go. It’s much different with him…. I work full-time while going to school full-time, he’s in the same industry as I am, which is small world, and I’m moving to where he is due to the money and a job lined up for a year. Yet, I think of him all the time even though we aren’t talking.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 17, 2016 at 9:00 am
Hi Desiree,
thank you for the appreciation.. I think you should try 30 days first..if you need to extend that’s ok.
T
June 10, 2016 at 3:16 pm
Hello Team.
My boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me around two months ago, we’ve met up once, and had our last ‘closure’ talk a month ago, and since then I’ve been doing 30 days no contact. I have successfully completed 30 days of absolutely no contact, and yesterday I finally texted him for the first time. (It was a simple, fun text about a new movie that is coming out soon and that we both liked, and said watching the trailer reminded me of him). I had been a whole day, no response at all (pretty sure he saw it though…) I’m reading this article and I know he’s definitely the stubborn type, he had always been. Would you guys be able to expand more on how to successfully get a stubborn type back? I know I’ve been doing the no contact correctly, and not texting a “boring” text either…I just don’t know what else to do…
T
June 16, 2016 at 9:49 pm
Yes, because he was actively flirting and going on dates with new girls (plural). He even attempted to bring a new girl to introduce to our mutual friend group. I think he told me not to find him because he wanted to move on, and wanted me to move on. During the 30 days of no contact, I’ve improved a lot in different ways. I focused on exercising, working out, jogging, hanging out with friends, spending time with family. I’ve become a lot stronger and independent, and I could find happiness on my own as well. I even stopped checking his social media. And yes, I’ve constantly posted many happy things that I’m doing on social media, he know for sure I’m enjoying my time right now.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 18, 2016 at 1:31 pm
The greater chance for him to notice you is if he’s sure you’ve moved on and sees you as an ungettable girl amd sees value in you.. try to date others too now..
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 16, 2016 at 7:52 am
Hi T,
sorry for the late reply.. you said he is a Gigs case? how did you know? was there another woman? and why did he say not to find him? why, where did he go? During the 30 days, did you start to improve yourself and were active in social media?
Mai
June 9, 2016 at 3:10 am
Was dating this guy for about four months. We only saw each other a few times because he lives about an hour away and I work a lot. I also have a child. We did communicate a lot. Anyhow… We had our backs and forth a and finally had the talk. I explained that I wasn’t going to waste my time with someone I didn’t see a future with. He stated he felt the same way and ilthat n was someone he could see spending the rest of his life with. Soon after we had gone out for a day date I introduced him to family. Everything was good. I was ecstatic. Then he fell off the face of the earth. K text him and called hi. To make sure eveything was okay when I didn’t hear from him when I am was supposed to. over the course of a week I tried to get in touch. Finally, I was able to see he had been active online. I sent him a message explaining that I had seen he was active, that it was apparent that he didn’t want to talk to me, I apologized for my multiple calls and wished him well. I got NOTHING. No reply. NOTHJNG. So I went snooping because the behavior was so odd it left me helpless. I found out that he didn’t have a job, at least not the one he said he had. He had finished college but he was not doing what he said he was doing for a living. He had lied about most everything. He has failed his licensing exam again. I am not angry. I know he did Ito impress me. It’s been thirty-three says since I left the last message. He hasn’t reached out to me. I miss him. I don’t want to tell him I know he lied because he would have to admit his defeat and I think that’s what he is trying to avoid. That, and he can’t tell me he lied. I have some resentment still. I care for him and can’t stop thinking of him but I’m still upset he just disappeared. He didn’t even have the ability to break it off. Would it be wise to wait a bit more before I reestablish contact or is 30 days a definite number here? He is a good person. I care for him. I understand why he lied but he did disappear and has made no effort to contact me.
CC
June 6, 2016 at 7:47 pm
Hey,
I’ve been dating a separated man for 2 years and I broke it off because he always seemed unsure about the end of his previous relationship of 12 years of marriage. He mentioned randomly one day that he was thinking of reconciling with her.
I tried no contact already once and failed miserably because my ex reminded me that we were still very much co-producers on a project we are trying to finish and I could not simply cut him out of the project. Unfortunately, when we started working on the project together, we fell into the same pattern of being with each other despite the fact that he is STILL thinking about reconciling with his ex.
This time around, I ended our communication again. Unlike the last time, he has been very good about not messaging me again.
Does the NC have any affect if your ex is unsure about whether he’s over his previous relationship? He seemed to be on the fence about reconciling with her, yet says he’s in love with me and confused.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 15, 2016 at 7:41 am
Hi CC,
well, it will help for him to have space to think clearly
Kathy
May 28, 2016 at 2:56 pm
Hi, I broke up with my boyfriend 9 weeks ago because I was really really stressed and was crying all the time… I needed to take a break to sort my head out… 2 weeks after that I text him on my birthday as I was hoping he would have sent a happy birthday message (but he didn’t)… he text back saying he sent me a birthday card and that is why he didn’t text… however I never got the card! a few days after that I told him I missed him and wanted to get back together… he said he missed me too but doesn’t want to meet up for a while as he is too emotionally raw…. also he said a relationship wouldn’t work.. we were together for 2 years… However, we were planning on meeting up in June and he said he was looking forward to seeing me but he said I couldn’t talk about the relationship at all as everything that needs to be said has been said.. and so, I decided I better not meet up with him as that is what I wanted to talk about!!! I text him saying I wont meet up and he never responded… its been 2 weeks and I haven’t heard from him.. I was always the one initiating contact so I guess he really doesn’t care…
Kathy
June 21, 2016 at 8:22 pm
hi, so i asked my ex for coffee to be friends and he said he considers us friends and agreed to meet for coffee next week. So how should this go….. clearly he just wants to be friends?
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 22, 2016 at 7:56 am
Follow this post out:
EBR 043: How To Handle The First Date With Your Ex Boyfriend
Kathy
June 17, 2016 at 6:58 pm
what do you mean?? is there anything I can do??
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 18, 2016 at 10:38 pm
at first, you have to be the one initiating contact whilw also maintaining the activities you started during nc, to keep him intrigued and ending the conversation yourself and in cliffhanger to pique his interest..
Kathy
June 14, 2016 at 6:25 pm
Hi Amor,
its been 12 weeks now since the breakup. I think he has moved on with his life… he responded to an email last week but has never initiated contact once… should I give up?
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 17, 2016 at 5:50 pm
well, he will really not initiate at first because there’s was not enough rapport..
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 30, 2016 at 1:49 pm
Hi Kathy,
time to start nc.. let him heal first..but mire importantly.. you should heal first
Briar
May 24, 2016 at 12:02 am
So I have a couple questions about this whole NC guide. I’ve officially been NC for ten days now and am feeling good about it so far. My only issues are.. my ex began a new relationship only days after ours ended.. when I first confronted him about it, he was nice at first and then got mean when I was having my “desperate” phase for a few days. he had originally said he would always be there for me.. and would never block my number. one of the last days we talked, he had been blocking my number on and off for a few days (anytime he was with his new gf) and had completely blocked me on all social media and said “this is the way it has to be..” he has said quite a few conflicting things from the time I saw him and the last time we spoke. I think he’s really confused with everything and is just in this new relationship because he doesn’t know or want to be alone. they look really happy together but I just want to believe it’s temporary fix. my question is.. if he doesn’t contact or reach out after the 30 days how do I go about getting in contact with him
when I am completely blocked from his life? will he even want to hear from me if he is still in this new relationship?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 27, 2016 at 3:19 am
Hi Briar,
be focused in improving yourself during nc. If you’re still blocked, that means you have to extend nc. He has to see that you really moved on for him to take a chance to unblock you.
Tinslee
May 23, 2016 at 2:47 pm
My boyfriend broke up with me about a month and half ago. We are both 20 years old and had been in a relationship for almost a year and a half. We had our share of arguments, but we always got past it and grew to love each other even more. We had a huge fight and in that fight he said he didn’t know if he saw a future anymore, but then we stayed together for another month later.
Everything was actually going really great and we hadn’t had any arguments or anything, which honestly it’s okay to have arguments. But then we were separated for about a week over spring break and everything was great then too.
We facetimed almost everyday and we were both really happy. Then he returned and came to my house and broke up with me. He said that he still loved and cared about me a ton, but he just didn’t see a future with us together anymore. This obviously threw me for a loop because I still saw a future with him. We had talked about marriage and being together forever, he was and still is the love of my life.
Anyways, so after the breakup we still had to see each other everything because we go to a small college and live in the same ‘dorm’. So everyday after the breakup, I saw him and it hurt. We also had a class together and it’s a small college so like 20 people are in the class. Well like everyday I’d catch glimpses and I’d look at him. After the breakup, I ended up calling him and texting him, but not necessarily excessively. I just did it like once a week for two weeks. He actually texted me Happy Birthday because my birthday was like a week after he broke up with me. I ended up texting back too much and he ignored me over text. For like the next two weeks, I would call him when I had something happen in my life or if I got super upset. He would answer every time though, he never once ignored my call. Then he would say how we can’t do this because we aren’t in a relationship anymore and that if we did then we would just be in a relationship again. So I finally stopped calling and texting and I’ve got like a week left of no contact.
Now we still had about a month left of school and I started no contact with 2 weeks left. We still saw each other everyday and I’d want to check on him, but the weird thing is that I would catch him watching me. I would catch him looking at who I was talking to or just where I was walking. It wasn’t like stalkerish, but just weird because he broke up with me so I just didn’t understand. One of my friends said that in the class we had together, that when I left the room that he would watch me leave and everything and then when I came back. Another friend said that he would see him stare at me if I was like outside or something. Also I became a lot closer to one of my guy friends at school, who has a serious girlfriend and he is a mutual friend of my ex and me. My ex got super mad at him for being friends with me and told him how he wasn’t going to be friends with him anymore and how he had the wrong intentions with me. Pretty much, I just am so confused because he says he doesn’t see a future and he broke up with me but he would continue to watch me and stare at me. To me actions speak louder than words, he says one thing, but then his actions speak another thing.
Well it’s summer now and I haven’t seen him in about 2 weeks. But I did see him on the interstate the other day, but I don’t think that he saw me. I really just saw him driving by on the other side of the interstate while I sat in traffic, but even that had my heart racing. I haven’t talked to him and he hasn’t tried to to contact me or anything since we left school. I know he is living down here this summer for an internship and I’ll be moving into my own apartment in the next week or so for my job. I know he is super busy with working and everything. I just can’t keep on this awkward ‘friends’ stage if he still loves me so much. In August, we will both return back to school and I don’t want it to be awkward, but I know we both won’t be completely over each other.
And the thing is, I still want to be with him. I can be happy with or without him and I do not need him for happiness, but I want to be with him. He was honestly my bestfriend even before he was my boyfriend. I love his family and we all got along really well. This man knows me so well and he has helped me through the toughest times in my life. I am going to finish off no contact and after I would like to contact him, but I do not want to make it more awkward. I just do not understand how he cannot see a future, but he can constantly stare at me and watch what I am doing. I’ve been doing no contact and I literally have one day left and haven’t heard from him. I’m sure he is super busy and I don’t really hear anything about him and I know he doesn’t talk to anyone about me. How would you recommend I approach him after no contact? Do you think he has shown signs of wanting me back? I still constantly think about him even if I try not to think about him, but do you think he still thinks of me? I need advice.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 26, 2016 at 6:36 pm
Hi Tinslee,
have you texted him?
Pixie
May 20, 2016 at 11:35 pm
so me and my ex ended about 3 weeks ago.
we together for about a year split for a few months started to rekindle stuff for 4 months now here we are.
So how we left things he ended it. but told me he loved me.. ( we dont really say it to each other) pretty emotional for us both. he kept asking for me to be his friend and expects us to keep in contact and hang out i told him it wasnt possible with how i felt about him he asked me to think on it. the following day he told me he’d be okay once i’m his friend and hopes i will stay in his life. at first i was like “i’ll try okay” but then i realised how angry and how hurt i was so i told him i didnt understand why he was doing all this after becoming close again. Told him we shouldnt speak incase i say something from being emotional that hurt us both so for the time being we shouldnt talk. that day i went drinking with a group of guy friends and he started checking out my snapchat (he barely uses it)
that was 3 weeks ago. had no contact since. i really miss and this is the longest we havent spoke since we met. would it be okay to contact him? i just want to say hi and ask how he is doing nothing heavy.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 25, 2016 at 1:34 pm
Hi Pixie,
it’s better if you start no contact instead because even if you haven’t spoken, you haven’t started improving yourself and you’re still too emotional
Eve
May 20, 2016 at 1:55 pm
Hello!
My ex an I dated for 3 months, we discussed marriage and having kids. He was the first one to say I love you and brought up Marriage and having kids topic. We also discussed the possibility of him moving out to where I live to be closer. He asked my parents’ permission to date me (very old school Mexican tradition) and spoke highly about me to his immediate family, he told his father he was in love with me and that he was happy. His sister noticed how cheesy he became and how happy he was with me. He told his friend about me and his family. We had a long distance relationship but talked on the phone on the way to/from work, texted all day, and even talked on the phone at night till really late (2am-3am). It all seemed going perfect. He would always tell me he loved me and was very happy and would never leave me. We got into a huge argument a week before visiting him that was the first time he made me cry and he was so scared to lose me that he pretty much begged me to not leave him. The argument was about him not wanting to leave his job and family and friends. We talked and everything went back to normal, he told me he loved multiple times. I went to visit him for a weekend. Things started to change after I visit him (of course we had sex). After I got back from visiting him, I noticed a bit of a distance, I brought this up to him and he apologized say he did not mean to be distant and did not realized he was being like that. We got back in to good terms again, then I flew out of the country for vacation, that was when he really became distant, I again brought that up and we got into a little argument. He tried to make things better so he would call me more often while I was on vacation. A week before our breakup we got into a huge argument, I began to cry because he said horrible things which he apologized the day he broke up with me. I also said a lot of things that I did not mean as I was mad and hurt. I also apologized the day he broke up with me. The day he broke up with me he stated that he loved me and I was the best thing that ever happened to him but he was not ready for me and that he would regret what he was doing and that he was already regretting it. I told him how much I loved him and that all relationships especially ours would not be a walk in the park but if we tried we could make this work and that we did not need to rush into things we can just take it day by day. I was pretty much begging him not to break up with me, but that did not work. He ended breaking up with me. He told me he loved me and at that time I lost it and hung up on him said things from my heart that are true. He got very upset and we argued. The following week I fedex him all of the things he got for me during our relationship (I know that was childish of me to do, but felt I had to do it.) I also sent him some stuff I got him during my vacation and a blanket I made for him as our upcoming anniversary ( I assume he did not like the fact that I did this). He is very, very, very, stubborn and has an ego, He blocked me from all social media and have not hear from him since our breakup (a month and 3 weeks ago). I did the NC rule for a month and 3 week then decided to reach out to him via text and 2 calls (which I left voicemails), I think he received them as I do not think he blocked me (ringed 5 times then sent to voicemail). Not sure what to do. If he will ever reach out to me? or if things are complete done? Need your help!
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 25, 2016 at 12:15 pm
Hi Eve,
it’s better if you stay in nc for now.. have you started to do bew activities too? continue on that and contnue to maintain yourself.. try another 30 days before trying to reach out..let’s hope you’re unblocked by then but continue to be active in social media
Betty
May 19, 2016 at 7:40 pm
I have been reading all of your articles, but I wanted to ask for some advice in my certain situation. I had recently moved to a different state, and had a very good male friend that turned into more over the past few years. Once I relocated to my new state, him and I were still in contact every day, texting, face timing and pretty much having a LDR. We spoke about not being with other people and all of that. When I recently went home to visit him, I wanted more of a secure relationship and put a pretty tough ultamatium on him. so I asked to make this official. He said although he isn’t doing anything he “shouldn’t be” doing, he struggles with LDR. He wants me to move back to the state so we can be together but as of right now, he cannot do LDR. He felt as though I was “pushing the situation” and said “whatevers meant to be will be”. After I left, I told him we can continue the situationship we were in until we figured out the future. The day after I got back to my home, he was acting funny and told me he is just taken back by everything and he isn’t trying to hurt me but he is thinking a lot about things with us right now. He said we would talk more about it the next day. I initiated contact asking if we could talk, and he wouldn’t answer my call. All he did was text me saying he isn’t trying to hurt me and told me to stop saying that to him. He never officially ended things. I gave him many opportunities to tell me he didn’t want to continue anything. I sent him a long text explaining how i felt and asking for some answers and he did not answer it. I tried again a couple of days later, no response. My last initiated contact was 7 days ago.
Why wouldn’t he just end things with me? Why ignore me? He is very stubborn sometimes and I don’t think I will hear from him. He has done this in the past where he just cut it off cold turkey because it was too hard for him to deal with…What should I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 24, 2016 at 10:14 pm
Hi Betty,
start with no contact and be active in social media in posting your current new activities by yourself and with friends.. show him you’re moving on and let’s hope after no contact, he’d missed you and want to try to be with your or at least, talk to you.
Jess
May 17, 2016 at 9:29 pm
Hi. me and my boyfriend dated over 2 years. We had no problem in the first year and a half but for the past year we would argue a lot over nothing. We both had a very difficult year, we both athletes we both has college that was especially stressed this year. Our results in the sport wasn’t as good. and plus he had to stop sport he loves a lot and i know it’s hard for him to deal with. Especially with graduation this year he had to start going into the real word. It was a very hard year and all stress we had we would put on each other and would fight over and over again. Until we broke up last week. He broke up with me saying he doesn’t feel the same anymore and that he need to focus on himself. While we were together we always talked, everyday long about everything. we would stay together every night and we have similar interests and share similar dreams because we both athletes Last few month of dating i know he started talking a lot to other girls, he never cheated on me but i feel he was flirting we some of them. He said he felt different about us for a while but didn’t want to break up to not hurt me. I know it was a very hard year for both of us as none of us happy with ourselves. Is there is a chance for us to get back together? I am doing no contact for few days. I feel that he will just move on while no contact but i feel maybe he already moved on because of how many fights we had… What should i do?
Jess
May 26, 2016 at 4:05 pm
I have done no contact already almost for 2 weeks, and i intend to go all 30 days. But i feel what if he already moved on?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 29, 2016 at 2:40 pm
2 years is hard to forget.. and if he dodn’t message you a lot positively in that two weeks, the more you need to finish no contact because, it’s more likely that he still remembers the fighting memories of your relationship, instead of missing you.. and you have to focus in yourself so that you will be more stable whe you talk again.. and help change your image in his mind by being active in posting your current activities
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 23, 2016 at 8:12 pm
Hi Jess,
The no contact will help for the both of you to have a reset. Since you’re always fighting, give him space and improve yourself while giving him space, so that he will see you in a new light when he starts to miss you.
KCee
May 16, 2016 at 11:50 pm
I’ve been dating a man for 2.5 months. He pursued me intently and we have a very Strong attraction to one another. We have a lot of fun and laugh and talk alot. In the beginning I’d notice that if a day or so went by w/o contact, he’d ask me why I hadn’t contacted him. I explained that I like the guy to row the boat and take the initiative most of the time. I’m not a clingy gal. (I would initiate some texting) The biggest issue we’ve had is that I feel strongly that I will not jump in and engage in casual sex with a man. I was honest and told him I need to be in a committed relationship prior to engaging in sex. (I’ve had two prior relationships over a period of a few years that ended up being with men who couldn’t commit even after it became a sexual relationship,thus now I am more careful about when that is introduced.) (My heart was very broken by their inability to commit) I feel it’s best to spend a little time w/o the “attachment” and hormnes that sex introduces to learn about each other. While my guy doesn’t feel the same way, he respected my stance. There were several times that it became quite difficult to stick to it and he especially would get frustrated. But he always stated that he wanted me in his life so much that he was willing to wait. Last time we were together we had a discussion about the whole waiting thing. He expressed how difficult it was for him and eventually he said “I love you, KCEE and that he has felt that way from very early on. I didn’t respond back that I loved him because I wasn’t 100% sure and also because of my previous experiences of saying that and then having the guys “commitment” issues kick in and them taking major steps backwards. One of which became verbally abusive in order to sabotage the relationship to give themselves the “space” they needed to feel emotionally safe again. (I’m sure you’re aware of the extreme measures CP’S can take to feel “safe” again.)
After this, over the next few days he became a rather reactive and seemed withdrawn and a little snarky with me. I felt it was because he was hurt that I didn’t share an “I love you, too!” with him.
After giving it a lot of thought I asked if we could talk and if I could share something with him. He agreed enthusiastically and when we met up I told him that I loved him too, and explained why it scared me at the time to admit that to him.
He then told me that he didn’t really quite remember telling me that he “Loved” me. WHAT???
Explains that he loves me as a person and wants me in his life etc…that I should be able to tell from our connection etc. how deeply he cares. He was all over the map with saying he didn’t love me, he did, etc. It felt like he was afraid to say it again but also was afraid that I’d say goodbye to him. He also admits in this conversation that he also has a lot of fears in connection with his past marriage. (At this point I begin feeling that I must attract “Commitment Phobic” guys like flypaper. He drove me to my vehicle, we’d met up to take a ride on his motorcycle, and before we parted he held me, kissed me pasionately, and said “This feels so good and right.” Next morning quite early he text messaged me with “Good morning, beautiful! Hope you have a good day”! I responded and he texted back that he hated the thought of me being sad and he’d rather see me smile. Over the next few days he stays in touch with texting and typical joking etc. Now over the past three days he has pulled away with less conversations, being rather formal and not making plans to see me. He went to a bike and beer fest. w/o me (highly unusual) When I asked if he had fun the next day he responds with “Oh boy, did I ever have fun!” I wouldn’t normally give that much thought except for the fact that he’s not communicating with me as he tyically does.
He has always contacted and communicated with me every day, a few times a day. Today, I’ve heard nothing from him.
I don’t know if I’m dealing with another C.P. who’s running away cuz I told him I love him so he’s backing off to feel “safe”.
If this was or is a manipulation to get me to concede to having sex. Although when he said he loved me it was not in a heated moment when it would have felt like a manipulation.
If it was a manipulatin, it would seem to me that he would feel that my expressions of Loving him would make him feel that he’S making headway towards having sex. Since he’s pullng away, I feel its more likely he’s in his fear place and pulling back. I’ve decided to just pull back and let him take the lead and show where his head and heart is. What are your thoughts?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 24, 2016 at 8:28 am
Hi Kcee,
actually, all of attract all kinds of guys, it just depends who we allow to stay.. and maybe your experience may have caused you to think constantly that men are commitment phobe.. if you need to take it slow, take it slow. If you feel you are unappreciated, communicate it calmly, like with how you commumicated your timeline on when you would be comfortable being sexual..
or try to observe if you have different love languages.. if all the signs tell you that he’s a commitment phobe, then decide how long you would wait
Angel
May 15, 2016 at 8:33 pm
Hi Chris. I was too controlling to my ex bf n being needy n clingy as well. After 4 years relationship, he had to go back to his country n we start LDR. He asked me to marry him before going. N everything was fine for 3 months LDR n we planned to get married on summer vacation. But everything was going down, when he had to move to the new apartment with bunch of kids he didnt know. Our communication became less than before. I think this is the effect of environtment when he met new friends n feel the freedom. After one week he called me n said he wasnt ready for comitment, then my birthday came. He said happy birthday n ask what I want. I said I want to meet him. Ohh ya he actually apologised quite often n said sorry he didnt pay enough attention but he will try more. So I got a cheap ticket, but when it came down to payment, he suddenly told me he has no feeling for me anymore and he doesnt want to have relationship for a moment. He said everything he is doing right now its not what he wanted but instead im telling him to do. I was so shocked.. I called him n I beg for three days. He still said no. Then I applied no contact but it didnt last for 3 days, coz I saw he was gonna have party at his new apartment. I called him I told him I open his fb n i I saw he talked to his friend coz he kept denying things. He got so angry n said he wud change his fb password n he did. I asked him for the last time if he was gonna give us another chance. He said he is not happy n talking to me only making him stress. He said yes for another chance but with high tone n he hung up on me. I was so heart broken coz this is the first time he actually hung up on me. Then I applied no contact rule back again.. 2 days after that I saw his pics in the party with girls. He started to be friends with them n liking their pics. He changed his profile pic on fb but he is still using our ring. I lasted one month of no contact rule. He recently changed his timeline n he doenst use our ring anymore. And within 30 days of no conracr, he never once try to initiate contact. What does it mean? He really doesnt care about our 4 years relationship? All my friends said dont contact him. Idk what to do. He looks happy n doesnt care. How come he doenst initiate contact for 30 days.. He has moved on in one month?? Im his first love and his first girlfriend n so I am. I thought first love is matter for guy. Should I wait till he contact me first? Maybe he needs more space?? Thanks chris. Pls help me
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 19, 2016 at 8:02 am
Hi Angel,
were you still posting how you feel during that no contact that could make him think you’re still not over him and did you start to improve yourself and do new things, new activities and meet new people or you just stopped contacting him? If you didn’t do those, you should restart the count and start to improve yourself.
Jill
May 14, 2016 at 10:46 pm
My boyfriend of a little over two years broke up with me almost a month ago, and in the past few weeks we had been communicating a lot and being really friendly and he said he still sees us together in the future. A few days ago he told me I had been such a great friend and person to him in the past few weeks and how he can’t imagine his life without me in some way. 24 hours later I ruined it when I admitted to him I had experienced feelings for one of my guy friends, and now he is no longer talking to me and saying he doesn’t know who I am anymore and saying he’s mad at himself for caring about me during the breakup. I want him back so bad, he’s the love of my life. I waited for him for two years before we even dated. Have I permanently ruined things? Does the no contact rule even apply to me since I caused him to start ignoring me? Is it hopeless?
Jess
May 18, 2016 at 7:57 pm
I mean he is answering me if i text something but very cold. Do you think he moved on?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 23, 2016 at 8:12 pm
Hi Jess,
The no contact will help for the both of you to have a reset. Since you’re always fighting, give him space and improve yourself while giving him space, so that he will see you in a new light when he starts to miss you.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 15, 2016 at 8:57 am
Hi Jill,
since he’s not talking to you, then I think the only choice really is to do no contact..
Jessica
May 12, 2016 at 10:48 am
Hello, I’ve been using this website for advice but it seems like none of these topics match my situation because it is a bit complicated.I dated this guy for almost 9 months in the beginning everything was perfect,but towards the end things got ugly because of my insecurities and immaturity we argued almost everyday, He treated me like a queen and I pretty much acted like an ass. Just recently separated. I did the whole no contact rule by cutting off all forms of communication with him. Three days later he did message me only to tell me that again that he think we should both go our separate ways because he doesn’t see us getting back together ever again. I’m confused I don’t know if the no contact rule worked or if he will ever contact me again what should I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 15, 2016 at 4:44 am
Hi Jessica,
how long did you do no contact and were you active in improving yourself and posting your activities?
Melissa Jacob
May 9, 2016 at 9:39 am
I and my boyfriend(Ex now ) broke up about three days ago.we had two rough months, fighting every other day. There were in-numerous unpleasant fights where hurtful words were exchanged back and forth. There were lots of misunderstanding. We both felt that neither of us didn’t try to understand each other. Whatever i said was wrong to him and vice versa. I felt that he was being unfair to me. and i think he felt the same way about himself( that i was being unfair on him). There were many external factors that led to our fights such as Job issues, exams, illnesses we both were going through. I always complained that i was not getting enough attention and he complained i don’t try to understand his situation.
For couple of weeks before we broke up we fought almost everyday over the phone.he said that we are done many times but would call me back after a while and say that i don’t try to understand him etc. So i felt that he actually didn’t want to let go of me though he told me off whenever he was angry. However the uncertainty as to where we stand bothered and hurt me a lot (i never wanted to break up because i loved him too much. all i wanted to do was fix our issues and fix our relationship). So about three days ago i asked him what is actually happening between us. Whether we are in a relationship or not and whether there i any hope for future. He said that we are over and that its hopeless to even think of a relationship because we don’t seem to understand each other. i was obviously hurt. i told him not to contact me again and he wished me well in life and hung up. And nothing from him since then. i didn’t contact him either.
The fact that he gave up so easily hurts me so much . A part of me feels glad to be out of that relationship because i was going through a lot for the past month but the other part of me wants him to come around.i want him to miss me and come back to me.
Does the fact that i told him to not to contact me on the day of our break up violates the no contact rule?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 9, 2016 at 5:05 pm
Hi Melissa,
no it doesn’t.. It will actually help for you to focus more on yourself and for him to have a break and miss you..