Popular posts
The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup
The Ungettable Girl
The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)
The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule
The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means
Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Blocks You
Signs My Ex Wants Me Back
Recent posts
How To Know If An Avoidant Is Using You
Signs An Avoidant Will Come Back After Losing You
Why Avoidants Don’t Want Relationships
Do Avoidants Fight For A Relationship?
An Avoidant Will Feel Instant Regret If You Do This
Signs An Avoidant Is Hiding Deep Feelings For You
Why Avoidants Say Things That Don’t Make Sense
The Weird Things Avoidants Do When They Like You
What Happens To An Avoidant During No Contact?
How A Secure Handles An Avoidant Pulling Away
Post categories
Jill
November 8, 2016 at 10:09 pm
Please help. Me and my bf were together three months, we clicked no instantly and fell in love right away. Both saying we’ve never felt that way with anyone before. We lived a few hours away and he wasn’t the one constantly coming down every weekend to see me. He wasn’t also going through a divorce when I met him, Iivinf back with his parents. We started to Argue a lot about the dumbest things that were even real problems. Eventually he broke up with me saying Jen has too much on his plate right mow hea been stressed about everything and putting I think off for months now and just needs to get everything finalize details and find a new apartment and everything else. He said the arguing with me and added stres was too much right now as he wasn’t looking for this intense relationship and neither was I but we found each other and like I said fell in love within weeks. I cried for hours and He wouldn’t hang up the phone until I did because he felt so bad, which obviously shows hes not a mean person. I asked I felt his feelings for me changed at all and he said no. I said why does this have to Be so final and he Kept saying he just doesn’t see it working out with the fighting bur also said he is just depressed and stressed out with everything. Aftern saying why does it have to Be so final again he said fine Just give me some time to get my life together I will call you in two weeks and we will talk but I’m not promising anything. I said ok and ended things on a good note then got upset the next day and contacted him again and said I’m always going to love you and he responded I’ll always love you too. I miss you. WHat do you think? Im driving myself crazy I can’t stop crying I sometimes think it’s going to be good because I known how we both feel about each other and we never hadn’t any tea problems. The other part of me isn’t afraid these two weeks are going to make him comfortable without me and when’s he finallly cal a will say he doesn’t want to try again
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 12, 2016 at 9:59 am
Hi Jill,
I know it’s hard but it won’t help if you keep calling. That would be chasing, and more likely he would be annoyed. Instead of worrying, help yourself by being active. If he got tired of the fights, then he has to see you in a different light. Somebody that has her own life. You don’t have to look like you’re oh so happy. Just be active. Go out with friends, see a movie or bond with family.
Ava
November 8, 2016 at 4:58 pm
Hi!
My boyfriend and I were together for about 6 months and a half. At the beginning, we were great. Amazing, actually. We never fought and we always got along really well. He’s 6 months younger than I am, but he was always really mature for his age. About a month ago I felt like we started drifting. (He goes to college about 35 minutes from the town that were from). So I just figured it was because he was busy and he had a lot going on. Because we were fighting, I made an attempt to fix things. I texted him and told him how I felt. That I was being ignored almost. He said he could feel it too. However, when I asked him if he wanted to try and fix things he assured me that he did. And so we talked it out and it seemed like we were back to normal. Fast forward to almost two weeks later… I went to go visit him at his dorm. Everything seemed back to normal. I thought we were both happy again. We ended up having sex and when I left he seemed really happy. We were good for almost a week when on Sunday he was taking really long to reply. At night I texted him this long message telling him how much he meant to me. About an hour later, he called me. We talked for a while before I asked if he just decided to randomly call me. He said no, that he had something serious to talk to me about. He went on to tell me that things have just been different lately and he’s been really feeling it. I asked him if he wanted to break up and he said yeah. I started crying. I couldn’t help it. For the past year he’s been my best friend and my lover. I felt like I was losing my other half. He told me he still loved me and wanted me in his life but he could feel him losing feelings for me. He said that he tried to ignore them the first time we talked about it but they came back even stronger so he couldn’t ignore them any longer. He said he knew if he ignored me he would end up hurting me even more in the future by leading me on. I kept asking him if it was what he really wanted and he said yes. I cried on the phone with him for about an hour. We eventually ended up saying goodbye. And I texted him after asking basically begging. (This all took place at about 12-2 am). He ended our conversation saying that he still really wanted to be friends with me, because he loved having me around. He admitted that I was basically his best friend and that he’d told me things he’d never told anyone else before. He said he didn’t want us to end badly, or hate eachother. He also said that he didn’t want my opinions of him to change. He basically told me that if i needed time to think about whether I wanted to be friends with him, it was okay. And that if I decided I couldn’t be friends with him that was okay too. He said to do whatever makes me happy. Anyway the next morning I woke up and realized that I still love the kid no matter what. And I want him in my life, so I told him I wanted to be friends. But I’d obviously rather get him back. I decided to participate in NC. But it’s a little tricky because I don’t want him to think that by ignoring him, I hate him and don’t want to be friends with him. We broke up on the 7th. But my birthday is in a week. I have a feeling he’ll text me happy birthday. Should I respond? Or not? Ideally, he’ll wake up one day and realize that we were really good together. And that we have the potential to be happy. But I don’t want to push him further away either. I just really need help figuring out what to do.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 11, 2016 at 11:26 pm
HI Ava,
he’s younger by 6 months or 6 years? How old are you both? If you’re going to do the no contact rule, you can’t reply when he greets you.
Red
November 4, 2016 at 10:44 pm
I just started NC a week ago (9 days). We broke up about 3 weeks ago. I told him afterwards that I’d try to be friends with him but might have to end up walking away if we weren’t getting back together. He walked out and said we were over because I was too contolling about when he could see friends (because I didnt think he should still be having sleepovers at 21) and his family (We moved in with my family when our house foreclosed and his family lives 70 miles away. I said we could go see them once a month because his mother has assaulted me and been verbally abusive to me behind his back and in front of him, and he was in denial and didnt stand up for me. She came down once before to our house, and we had said we would call the police to remove her because she had called the police falsely on me twice for kidnapping him, but he didn’t call the police and instead ended up making my family get into an argument with her until she eventually left). We would always fight about these two things but outside of this our relationship was amazing. We loved so strongly. He even said that we had so many good memories that he had blocked some out because when he talked about the last year with his sister (who also doesn’t want us to be together), he could only think of the bad things. For about a week and a half I begged and pleaded him to come back, saying I would change things for him. He went from I love you to “I only love you platonically and all my other feelings for you are insignificant”. He said surely I could find someone better than him so I should find someone and maybe in a year we could try again. He moved back with his mom an hour away and said he didn’t want any relationships for a while. He said that he just wanted friends/family and wouldn’t move an hour back to my family’s house and I couldn’t expect him to leave his friends again. After a week and a half I said I understood we were only friends and I hoped he would realize how cruel his mom was and come back to me – even his own family said how much of a narcissist and manipulator she was. She had him take care of his siblings like they were his own kids and do all of her chores for her meanwhile she borrowed money from his paycheck and wasted it on a failing business she started. His parents got divorced because of how obsessed she was with him – we were engaged and she would bang on our walls every day when we lived in the same apartment as her and scream that he ruined his family and she was going to kill herself. Me and my fiance were together for a year and a half – we only broke up one other time a few months in because his mother hated me and said he couldn’t be with me. After all of her craziness I broke him out of denial about her and we moved out to our own place. But then staring when we moved into my family’s house he started to say he was depressed and withdrew more and more until the break up (this period was over 3 months). So then, I tried to be friends with him for about 5 days and it killed me inside. I told him what I read in No Contact Rulebook and said I needed to take time for me and that I wouldn’t be responsive to texts or meeting him. We’re long distance right now anyway, so NC isn’t hard except for my depression. He said when I was trying to get him back that I needed to move down to him because he wouldn’t do long distance. I don’t know what to do because I love all of our good times, especially when we were away from his mother and now it seems she’s put him back into denial and convinced him for good this time not to love me. Even so, I love him so so much and feel we were meant to be. In fact, when he was living with me he said he’d rather die than go back to living under her control. Then, she drove to the house and guilt tripped him with the kids, and all of a sudden he wanted to break up and I was the one who was controlling. I can’t lie – I did hit him twice. One time because he was hiding things from me, and he told me if I ever did it again he couldn’t be with me and I promised not to. Then two weeks after when he decided to leave I hit him once. I was so freaked out by him betraying me again for his mother and walking out when just the night before he said that if his mother came all she could do was talk and he would never leave with her or go back to living with her. 9 days ago was when I said I wouldn’t respond to him because I needed time to process and heal. He said he would respect my wishes whatever I wanted to do. I can still access his FB and I see him talking to his mom about doing things for her, talking to his exes, and having sleepovers – he’s acting like he did before I ever came into his life. But even so, I STILL want him back provided I can get him to stand up for me and stop talking to his exes. Ultimately, I want him to move back in with me and to break him out of denial again. I just don’t know what to do. MY NC ends the day before Thanksgiving. But I haven’t seen him send or post anything to suggest that he misses me or still thinks about me – in fact, he’s talking to a girl now who was trying to get with him even after we got together. When he broke up with his old girlfriend for me, he didn’t waste any time starting a new relationship. With not being able to have any way to know what he’s thinking (his mom convinced his friends that I was keeping him from them for no reason, even though I just had really bad trust from him betraying me and wanted to rebuild it together – he neglected to tell that part of the story to his friends, or how bad his family treated me because he thought that was irrelevant), I don’t know if I should do NC and find out that he got with his ex. I saw that he got Kik and Snapchat, both things he didn’t have until after leaving me. I’ve heard those are hook-up apps and you can send naked pictures and stuff so I’m really worried. I love this man so much and I just want him back. What should I do – now that I’ve said I won’t answer and so he probably won’t contact me? The worst thing is that when he said he was leaving, originally he said it would just be a break and 40% he would move back in when he got back and 90% the first week. But then after taking all of his stuff from my house, I saw on his FB that he was saying I was the biggest mistake of his life and he was a lot better without me and he wanted to get his friends all together to tell them all about me. I saw this and I was so upset that I said that I didn’t see life in our relationship anymore and we needed to be friends for a while. That I was falling out of love with him and writing a story about it. I didn’t mean any of it and I was so stupid for saying it – I just didn’t want him to leave me first, even though he had already told me he needed a break and we had sex. And on top of that, the day he left he said that he loved me, but then 6 hours later he said the only me he could be with was a changed me and that we would be much better friends than partners, and that he didn’t see a happy, healthy relationship with me after thinking about our relationship and talking about it with his sister. What do I do? All I want is to get him back and I have no idea how to do it.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 6, 2016 at 3:46 pm
Hi Red,
start on being independent. Change and stand up in your own.. Improve yourself because unless he can see that you’ve really moved on and improved he will not take a chance even on just being friends
Alex
November 4, 2016 at 4:05 pm
I was dating this guy for almost four months. We were great! I was not a nagger, very supportive of his ambitions and goals. I actually did everything right, but then I started noticing right away he was backing off. He did not answer my calls( called 3x) and sent good morning and good night texts. This all happened in less than two weeks, so I did what any one in my position would: I gave him his space. But then, during that time he reached out to tell me he needed to talk to me. He then called me the next morning to tell me he missed me and that he wanted to talk later that night (Oct 25th) When I got home I almost forgot about our conversation from the morning, when he texted me that he was having a rough day and did not feel like talking. I told him ok and good night. That was the last time we had any contact. I am now in day 10 of NC and he has not tried to contact me. Its fine. I know that it bothers him because I did not chase him. Why should I? I’m 36 and he is 44!!! I will contact him when I finish my NC. In the meantime, I am still living my life the same as if he was never in it. Its not that I am cold hearted because I do care about him. I think he got scared because he was afraid of commitment. The thing is I never pushed him to commit. HE was the one who wanted to be exclusive. I was comfortable with that because we had a great chemistry. Our intimacy was more about spending time together and enjoying each other’s company. Sex was only 30% of it and he actually told me that was the most important to him (most of his relationships were based on sex and not intimacy). He introduced me to his family and friends. Its like a PANIC button went off in him. Do you think that I have chance doing NC?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 6, 2016 at 1:23 pm
Hi Alex,
I think you’re right and you’re doing the right thing by but chasing him.. . It will help him realize that he’s being paranoid
Brittany
November 4, 2016 at 2:22 pm
My boyfriend and I were together for 7 years but he says that little issues piled up over the years and he just isn’t happy anymore. We broke up after I saw a girl texting him telling how much she loves him but he never said that he wasn’t cheating just that “she means nothing to me”. We tried talking things over and it seemed to go well but he wavered between being distant and behaving positively and friendly/flirty. He says he still loves me and cares about me, and that he just doesn’t know what he wants in life. He also says that he doesn’t feel like he’s able to be the man I need him to be sometimes, and that he just needs time to fix himself. What does this all mean? I’m afraid that I’ve become a text gnat because I kept wanting to address our issues and resolve them while he was undecided. He still checks up on me periodically through social media but I think I’ve aggravated him enough to make him not want to speak to me anymore. He hasn’t blocked my number or anything, just ignoring. Should I do a no contact for 45 days?
Vicky
November 10, 2016 at 8:55 pm
This is almost identical with my break up. I’ve started my no contact today! Just hope I can see it through
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 6, 2016 at 11:42 am
Hi Brittany,
so, when did you actually breakup? Yes, I think you should do no contact but I think you can try just 30 days.
So long
November 4, 2016 at 12:05 pm
I’m at day 29 still not a word. I’m considering just moving on and blocking him on everything. This no contact period was the worst, seeing as i had to be active on social media and he is still friends with me. I see him active everyday and it hurts to know he hasn’t tired to reach out even once. He occasionally watches my snapstories, but thats it.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 5, 2016 at 9:03 pm
actually a lot of the women decide to move on after no contact but not because their ex didnt contact them, it’s because they realized they deserved better than how they were treated in the relationship..
Taylor
November 4, 2016 at 8:32 am
My ex and I have not communicated in the last six weeks. I did not break my no contact period but since he made no effort to contact me I didn’t contact him right when no contact was up. We are not on the best terms. He broke up with me because he lost feelings and already went through a rebound relationship (they don’t talk anymore). I just don’t know if I should contact him or not. I’ve definitely improved over the no contact period and I’m sure he knows I have as well.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 6, 2016 at 2:03 am
Hi Taylor,
so, they broke up? check the link for a first contact text:
EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message
Stevey
November 3, 2016 at 6:31 pm
Help I butt dialed him for like 3 seconds in day 27!!! Does this break the rule? Do I have to start over 🙁 I’m not sure if he got the call or not. He hasn’t contacted me during no contact either 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 5, 2016 at 9:00 pm
nope, you dont have to restart the count..that’s ok..
Tash
November 3, 2016 at 10:54 am
On august 29th, my boyfriend of 8 years broke up with me via text saying that we don’t have a future together. He was so adamant, he was saying it’s the right decision. Anyway I was so hurt, he didn’t even call to tell me but told my cousin to speak to me. Then he spoke to my sister saying he doesn’t like hearing me cry that’s why, anyway few days later he texted me saying that I gave him the best 8 years of his life but it’s about the future now. It was such a weird, horrible text. According to him, that was his closure message. I was even more hurt so I went to his workplace the following morning, I waited but I couldn’t see him so I went and asked security to tell him I’m here. He didn’t come down from his office but he called me and said some hurtful things to me. Anyway after that I went home and proper cried to my family, so my dad called his dad up and asked his did if knew about us. Apparently his dad said no. Anyway he found out and he went mad at me and he said he never meant those hurtful things he said, he only said it because I went to his workplace. He just wants everything to be brushed under the carpet, and for us to move on. Anyway things happened over that weekend. So he got me so mad, I called his dad up, his dad was so sweet to me, he also cried. But his dad said we can’t be together because of family issues. Cutting the story short, I was forced to move on. After I told his dad, forget it, your son has chosen you. His dad said he has to see me, I was like no it’s ok but he insisted. He saw me two days later, took me to a restaurant, he was so sweet but he really didn’t want me and his son to be together. I confronted him about the ultimatum, he said he didn’t give My ex that choice, that was his decision. My ex told me that even if his family accepted us, it would be a compromise and if anything was to ever happen between us then they’d say we told you so. He didn’t even try for me. After he blocked me from everything, only recently he’s unblocked me but he doesn’t speak to me. Only if he has to and even then, he speaks to me with so much bitterness, it hurts. He said he prays for me and etc but he needs a good 6 months to get over me and maybe he will come back and apologise to me and we can be friends. He said he will stop being bitter once he knows I’ve moved on. His family have emotionally blackmailed him. I’m so sad, the feeling of rejection, and everything. By the way me and him are from a cultural background. After that I kept getting in touch with him, making excuses to talk to him and one day he laughed and said I can’t live without him and that I keep going back. I was so angry with him. After that a couple of days after I said let’s have a fresh start and etc and he said that would be great. After a few days I suggested being friends and doing something. I know that was stupid of me but I’ve been doing no contact since 16th October. I haven’t heard anything from him. I’m so depressed. I’m on the 18th day of no contact but when I was driving last week, I knew he saw me as I was few cars in front of him. I hope he thinks I never saw him. Advice please anyone?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 5, 2016 at 12:31 pm
Hi Tash,
why, what’s the cultural difference issue between you two? and how old are you both?
Dani
November 3, 2016 at 5:29 am
I have broken up with my boyfriend of 1 and a half years about 10 days ago, although I sent him a long paragraph on the 5th day and it was pretty harsh and I thought it would have gave me my own closure but it didn’t. During the first 7 months of the relationship it was very rocky and I was always hurting. We have been through a lot, from his close friend passing to his Grandma who was like his mom passing as well. He promised me he would stop drinking and gave me a promise ring on the 9 month of dating. After that out relationship seemed perfect and we were happy 24/7. Until after our 1 year I found out he had one beer with his mother and he tried to hide it (he had a drinking problem hence why I wanted him to quit). I ended up forgiving him because I felt I had neglected his feelings and his personal problems. After our 1 and a halfback year anniversary I found out he was looking at photos of his ex and searching up for raves and nightclubs. I immediately broke up with him after being hurt so many times. I hadn’t noticed after he had searched it all he’s been telling me he wants to marry me and says he loves me more no matter what and knows that he does love me more (I took a step back and made sure to somewhat build a wall to protect myself from him hurting me after all the times he has done so). I love him dearly. It’s been 5 days after I sent him the harsh and truthful paragraph of what we have Been through and what ive done for him. His ex has caused previous problems because she’s always had an eye out for me and stalked me on social media and he knows how it made me paranoid that she looked at me all the time and how he may have talked to her during our relationship in the beginning and he had the nerve to look her up a year and a half later. I’m attempting the 30 day NC, he has a lot of growing up to do and he has changed a lot from when we first started, I know he could either move on or become depressed from it, he’s 25 I would hope he would change for me and for himself and hes getting older I would think he would have taken More value into our relationship.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 5, 2016 at 12:41 am
Hi Dani,
focus more in healing yourself and having a new routine.. So, that you’re more rational after nc
Joan
November 3, 2016 at 1:44 am
I’m not sure I agree with having to contact him first after 30 days NC. We’ve been together almost 5 years and all throughout our relationship, I’ve been the one to break the silence. Whenever we would go weeks without talking, it was always me who jumpstarted the conversation again. So, I kind-of think he’s expecting me to do it again this time. Doesn’t it make sense to let him be the one to speak to me first? He knows I love and miss him because I’m always the one to reach out first. I don’t know for sure if he loves and misses me because he’s never had the opportunity to show me.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 3, 2016 at 11:50 pm
Hi Joan,
you were on and off? what was the longest that you were silent with each other? If you were always the one that reached out before then yes, it’s better to let him initiate this time.. but you have to set a timeframe on until when you would wait…
Hera
November 1, 2016 at 3:25 pm
what if he ignore me after I initiate contact after NC ? He might think i’m still love him even when i come up flat and okay. Because I think it also happened to when his ex contacted him. As long as I remember she asked common stuffs like “How do you fix your camera lens” *bcs he love to photograph* , but that time he was with me, so he told me “My ex texted me” and showed me her chat. That makes me think that he probably will ignore my text when i initiate contact first. He also has this WhatsApp status like ,”Not looking back anymore” and “New Chapter” kind of status. it leaves me with question like is he hoping i see the status or its just a way to console himself? thank you, looking forward for the answer .
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 2, 2016 at 5:07 pm
Hi Hera,
that’s why it’s very important did you to improve yourself during nc that you would like either you’ve moved on or you’re starting to move on..if he doesnt answer your first contact text, rest for a week before trying again..if he doesnt reply again, rest for two weeks. if he doesnt reply again after that, it would be better to move on..
Ella
October 31, 2016 at 6:19 pm
Hi! Me and my ex boyfriend have had a on and off relationship since March. We had a major break up back then and things just haven’t been the same. We have broken up twice since then and I’m not quite sure what to do. We were together for over a year and the relationship we had was great! He says he’s not sure of his feelings. He blocked me on Snapchat but when I talked to him he said he was coping as best as he could. I bothered him with texts and calls because he flat out ignored me.I just finished no contact. He hasn’t tried to reach out to me. I guess my question is, should I contact him? Or is it a completely lost cost?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 1, 2016 at 3:07 pm
Hi ella,
how long did you do the no contact rule? did you improve yourself? you can initiate contact, check this one:
EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message
Sarah
October 31, 2016 at 2:33 am
If a stubborn man contacts you during the lasts days of your no contact (lets say day 25 – 30), should you extend your no contact rule so that you don’t appear desperate by contacting them right after the no contact period is over?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 31, 2016 at 3:55 pm
Hi Sarah,
you dont have to extend..as long as you already improved yourself and you keep improving yourself after no contact, that you have a life and you dont beg, you’re not emotional, you wont look like you’re chasing
Ellie
October 30, 2016 at 11:46 am
After 1 year my ex broke up with me 2 weeks ago because of my trust issues. Because I accused him for nearly 2 weeks of seeing my friend he told me I had broken him and worn him down…..I REALLY hurt him. I have just started NC after he told me he didn’t want me to contact him again. I apologised for hurting him and he said he hadn’t wanted any of this (meaning he hadn’t wanted me accusing him to the point where he had to break it off with me) I plan to sort my issues out and have booked an appointment with a councillor but I am really worried that he will just move on. He is in his 50’s, an old fashioned gentlemen type who is quite stubborn and set in his ways. At the moment he feels like the victim and that I have hurt him very badly. 95% of the time our relationship was brilliant and in the year we were together we only had 2 major arguments. When I spoke to him last he seems to be dwelling on the few bad times we had and not remembering all the brilliant times we had. Will he ever start to miss me and start remembering all those good times?…how do I get him back??
Ellie
November 15, 2016 at 6:06 pm
Thanks for your reply Amor. So I did what you suggested and stopped contacting him again, then 2 days later I got a message from him saying he had heard about the earthquake in NZ and hoped my brother, who lives out there was ok. He put another “x” at the end. So it was his choice to contact me. I replied and was very light hearted with him and made him laugh, then left the conversation. I’m getting very mixed signals here! Do you really think more NC will work? Or do you think he will just think I’m not interested??
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 15, 2016 at 10:10 pm
I hope it does. I can’t guarantee it but I think you need to follow your gut now.
Ellie
November 12, 2016 at 11:27 am
Hi Amor
So since Weds when I last had a nice conversation by text with my ex I haven’t contacted him. I text him yesterday afternoon to ask if he could remember the name of a drink we had on a fantastic holiday we had in August and he was again very receptive and replied putting a kiss on the end. We had a nice conversation and then I stopped texting. He seems happy to hear from me and always texts back straight away and with a kiss at the end but my question is how/when do I take it to the next level?? I want to meet up with him but don’t want to scare him off again with my texts? He still has some of my property, should I ask if we can meet for a coffee to get it back off him? Or will that push him away if he is thinking we could get back together? Please please please can you advise?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 15, 2016 at 1:06 am
if you’re that uncomfortable, I think you know in yourself that it’s not the right time. First, you ended nc too early, and now you want to meet up when you havent even built enough rapport in texts and calls.You’te rushing things. If he meets you, sees you amd talks to you, would he think you’re starting to move on and improving or nothing much changed?
Ellie
November 10, 2016 at 8:34 pm
?? Can
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 12, 2016 at 5:55 pm
Actually your nc is too short. I do understand that you want to be supportive since it’s a memorable day for him. But it could have been just, “I hope you’re doing ok today. Remember your dad’s anniversary too.” And then after him saying his dog died too say, “Oh no, sorry to hear about that. (and then something about his dog)” And then end it there. So, that at least,it’s easier to go back to nc.. He was happy to hear from you because it’s sensitive day or week for him. But you didn’t hear from him in the past 12 days right?
But I think, if you really want to establish you have your own life, don’t take that day as your opportunity to keep talking. Go back to doing the no contact rule. It would be better if you restart the count, but if you can’t, at least continue the count.
Ellie
November 9, 2016 at 5:15 pm
Hi Amor.
So it’s been 12 days since I had ANY contact with my ex. Today is the anniversary of his dad’s death and I know he always finds it really hard to deal with so I text him this morning “Hi, I hope you are ok, I know this is a sad day for you. I’m here if you want to talk x” He replied 5 mins later saying thanks and telling me his family dog was put to sleep a few days ago too. He also put a “ x” at the end of his text. We continued texting in a light hearted way and he cracked a few jokes…it was nice, and in all of his texts he put a “x” at the end and only took 2 mins to reply to my texts. I then left the conversation and haven’t text him again today. My question is does it look likely that he was pleased to hear from me if he was texting back very quickly with funny/light hearted replies AND putting a “x” at the end? I know what to say when I text and we have never had an issue with communication but I’m not sure how often I should text to get the balance right. There is lots of advice on here about what to say after NC but not much on how often to contact them. Should I text every couple of days or once a week? I don’t want him thinking I’m texting all the time and don’t want to scare him off again and I also want to show him I have a life and him to miss me and wonder what I’m up to, but I also want to get him back.
Ellie
November 4, 2016 at 11:07 am
It’s now been 7 days NC and I haven’t heard from my ex AT ALL. I am starting to wonder if this NC rule actually works or if it is just a way to let your ex get over you and move on without you contacting him and being on his mind. I keep remembering back to when I was with him and he had recently ended a one year marriage, which he just walked out of. When I asked him if he had heard from his ex he just said that he hadn’t and that he was glad!…could it be that he feels the same with me?…maybe he’s just moving on with his life! Also, I’m not sure what to say when I do contact him again? Wont he think it odd that I have randomly got back in touch??
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 5, 2016 at 2:41 pm
the no contact rule should be more for yourself, to heal and improve. Yes, he can move on, but if he moved on that fast, that means he has long started moving on before you even started doing the no contact rule.
And if you keep talking to him, which we’re not even sure if he wants, will he remeber the good or bad times? If he remembers only the bad times, how will he see you in a different light if you dont let him miss you and improve yourself right?
Ellie
November 3, 2016 at 11:56 am
Its now been 7 days of NC and he hasn’t contacted me once! I am SO upset. I have been going out with friends, started my appointment’s with a therapist to sort out my issues and posted some nice pics of me on my social media…..but STILL NC from him. How do I know this NC rule actually works? It might just be helping him to move on, it might be easier for him when I’m not in touch, and he might not be missing me AT ALL! I keep thinking about what he told me about his ex, who he was married to for a year, then one day he walked out on her and never looked back…I used to ask him if she had contacted him and he would say no, she hasn’t, and I’m glad. HE WASN’T BOTHERED AT ALL! Why would it be different with me? I also think that if I initiated contact with him he would think it was odd and if he was seeing someone else he wouldn’t tell me because he wouldn’t want to hurt me. This is THE HARDEST thing I have EVER done!!
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 5, 2016 at 2:42 pm
the no contact rule should be more for yourself, to heal and improve. Yes, he can move on, but if he moved on that fast, that means he has long started moving on before you even started doing the no contact rule.
And if you keep talking to him, which we’re not even sure if he wants, will he remeber the good or bad times? If he remembers only the bad times, how will he see you in a different light if you dont let him miss you and improve yourself right?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 31, 2016 at 10:21 pm
Hi Ellie,
how will he miss you if you don’t have space? If he doesn’t want to talk or he’s only negative when you talk, it won’t help if you keep pushing it right? Why not try doing the 30 days no contact rule.. Improve yourself.
Jennifer
October 28, 2016 at 9:46 pm
Its been 22 days and still no contact from him. I’m getting discouraged. We go to school together so I see him around often though I don’t go up to speak with him ever, we do walk by each other sometimes. The first few weeks during our break up he would completely ignore me and now when he smiles brightly, but I’m not sure if thats an I don’t want to hurt you smile and that he is over me. I am not sure if when walking by each other I should smile or have blank face?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 31, 2016 at 3:53 pm
Hi Jennifer,
a short smile is ok.. dont over think..take that as a good sign.. that’s better compared to him completely ignoring you right
gayatri
October 28, 2016 at 1:23 am
Hi,
so about 9 to 10 days into the no contact my ex began to show signs of missing me. He started uploading all there really sad statuses on facebook and WhatsApp. I didn’t respond to any of it.
Two days later he updated his WhatsApp status to ”stop looking for love when i’m already here to gice it to you :* :*”
Now I know that’s for me but I didn’t budge at all. I’m not sure if I should break no contact and reach out to him.
I am currently into my 14th day of no contact and he STILL hasn’t contacted me directly. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to break the no contact because I want him to reach out to me first. But I’m also concerned that it might not work. What do I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 29, 2016 at 1:35 am
Hi Gayatri,
there’s no guarantee that it will work. And the no contact should be more for you, for you healing and improvement, not for him reaching out.. Because if he doesn’t reach out, you can initiate after no contact. That’s why it’s very important to start to heal and improve during no contact so, that he will think you’re starting to move on and just being friendly when you initiate.
Elaine
October 26, 2016 at 8:51 pm
Hi again Amor,
I am I the middle of my NC period.
Just to recap, I broke up with my ex because I felt like he was cheating on me after I found texts he was sending to a girl that i didn’t know about, and he lied to be about it because he ended up deleting the texts from his phone. He also had the habit of becoming a “party boy” rather than the man who was claimed he was ready to propose to me so we could start on our family.
Ok. Well, we are sharing a phone plan, but he doesn’t pay any part of the bill. When I tried contacting him about splitting and separating our services, he told me he wasn’t making the money he needed to afford to keep his line or phone. I know it’s not my responsibility to take care of him, but how can I handle this during NC? I don’t want to talk to him, and have 2 more weeks til I hit the 30 NC goal. Part of me wants to go ahead and disconnect his line all together and let him fend for himself.
Mind you, I had already tried the “working it out”, and I got the response that he wasn’t making enough money at work, he’s living with friends and that He appreciated me taking care of the bill.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 28, 2016 at 6:48 pm
it’s ok to talk to him about it, because it’s not about feeling nor the relationship.. but for me, just cut the bill.. It’s obvious that you’re the only who’s going to pay for it and that he doesn’t have a plan on giving his part in the near future.
jess
October 26, 2016 at 10:38 am
hi.
so, we have been in a relation for like 10 months. everything was goig great and out of the blue, he comes to me saying he needs to break up. i was devastated. i still am. i did read abput the NC before and its been 4 months that he broke up. he talks ro me still but. not everyday. but just at times. and he was in a rebound relation. that just lasted for 3 weeks. now i am insecured because he is talking to this person who he claims to be a really good friend. i donot have him on my fb or snapchat. i do have his number. and i am starting NC ryt away. but one question that keeps bugging me is what if he deletes my contact? i did try deleting his contct. and in the first month of our break up he did get worried but now, i dont know what goes on in his mind. he does say that he needs me to keep him happy as a friend. but is it going to be a disadvantage if i delete his contact and then follow NC?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 28, 2016 at 12:04 pm
Hi Jess,
yes, because how would you contact him later on if you don’t have his number?
Valeria
October 25, 2016 at 4:59 am
My ex boyfriend broke up with me about a month ago. But after the breakup we still kept on seeing each other and every time I would try to mention our relationship he would ignore it and we would end up sleeping together…this went on for about almost two weeks! The last time I saw him he finally told me he’s reasoning to why he actually broke up with me(we were fighting a lot) and we both were very open and I kept on saying many emotional things to him and he was responding and acting like he still loved me. And when I asked if he needed time he nodded yes and we yet again decided to sleep together. He was very nice and affectionate, the next day he took me home and all was at piece and I told him to considered what I said about giving me a second chance. All he did was kiss and hug me and looked me in the eyes and said he would think about it. Afterwards a few days went by and I called him because of a family matter that only he knew and understood, he didn’t answer but texted back leaving a meaningful message. As I tried to continue on the conversation he didn’t text back, or the next day, or the next day. So now I’m doing the NC rule..is it still valid?? Are my chances of getting him back slightly good??
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 26, 2016 at 3:05 pm
Hi Valeria,
Yes, you can still try doing the no contact rule.. Don’t sleep with again if you’re not really back together.. If the fighting was the only reason, I think there’s still a chance. Just don’t ask or beg for a chance again..